X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ The Significance of Coffee ❯ The Significance of Coffee ( Chapter 1 )

The Significance of Coffee

Subaru Sumeragi didn't drink tea anymore. Somewhere along the way, he had discarded that habit like Hokuto used to throw away worn hats. Often he brewed coffee. Warm and thick. It was bitter. Subaru didn't like bitter things - he felt as if he had grown up on Shibuya ice cream and cotton-candy-textured gloves. But those things had faded away like the taste of weak tea. The coffee left a strong essence in his mouth that was almost overwhelming.

Subaru knew this was part of the reason why he continued to drink coffee. It was the same emptiness within him that drove him to light mild sevens in the dark shadows of his room. Although, sometimes, he merely let the cigarettes burn away and leave a delicate column of ash between his fingers.

Every night, Subaru dreams of sakura. On the days he dreams of white petals, raining down from the sky instead of pink, he doesn't brew coffee. On those mornings he extinguishes the glowing embers of his cigarette. Instead, Subaru watches the sky. Quick as a clap of thunder, and just as miraculous, the light floods through his window. The sunrise spreads its breath-taking hue over his pale skin, like sunshine melting an early frost. And Subaru's soul is warmed.

He lies curled up in pain the day after. Always.

Those dreams are rare as desert rain; they come only to sharpen his thirst, not to sate it. An illusion of promise. At least that's what Subaru tells himself as hides his raven hair under the cool shadows of his blankets, forcing himself to give up hope.

There are days when Subaru thinks about visiting the sakura tree, and forcing Seishirou-san into an ultimatum. When he contemplates the fulfillment of his Wish. For that special person to deem him worthy of such a gift… Subaru only lives on for Death.

But no one but the morning sun can see what Subaru has hidden away in his heart, so deep even Subaru thought it had perished.

You really haven't changed at all, Subaru-kun.

Sometimes, even when Subaru lies in dreamless sleep, he smiles with the light of the whole world. Subaru doesn't believe it'll come true, but sometimes in the early morning, in that delicate balanced moment between night and day, he wishes that all broken birds could mend their wings and take flight.

Because…really…you are very kind.

Then he drinks his coffee.

Subaru doesn't drink tea anymore.

Owari.