XXXHolic Fan Fiction ❯ Freaky Manjuu ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

Freaky Manjuu

 

DISC: I do not own xxxHolic or any of the characters. These belong to Clamp - those crazy mangaka who make us all practically faint for the shonen-ai and then YANK it out from under us. Clamp, if I can have one request, it's to give us some DouWata love by the end of this series! PLEASE!

 

 

Chapter 3

 

What was he going to do? What had he done?

 

Doumeki had… feelings… for him. Did that mean what he thought it meant?

 

He said it straight out that he'd keep coming there until he died. The big oaf. He was going to give up his whole life. And for what? For HIM? Didn't he know he wasn't worth it?

 

God. He'd never been worth it. And he kept giving and giving. Wasn't that one of the reasons why he decided to wait for Yuuko? That way Doumeki could be free… and…

 

But that wasn't true, was it?

 

He hadn't thought about Doumeki. He hadn't considered Doumeki at all. All he had thought about was the fact that he missed Yuuko. And now, he didn't want to lose anyone else.

 

Mokona's comment really got him thinking. It was okay that he'd never get to visit Kohane again. Kohane would understand. And with her abilities, she'd be able to visit him at the shop whenever she felt like it. And Himawari would only be better off with him as a wish granter. Because maybe he'd someday find something that would help break her curse. But Doumeki…

 

Why would Doumeki want to give up his life to babysit him? He was a grown man, dammit. Enough so to run the entire shop! He didn't need a god-damned babysitter.

 

But… it wasn't about that, was it? It was that Doumeki wanted... And Watanuki had made it impossible…

 

The plushie swallowed as he remembered the unbridled desire he'd seen, for just a split second, that had crossed Doumeki's face as he's watched Watanuki's body stride across the floor, out the door, to greet that customer.

 

But he needed to wait for Yuuko. It wouldn't be right if he didn't wait. Yuuko could be reincarnated and have no one there for her. He had to wait.

 

At the expense of everyone else who loved him? How was that fair? And if it was hitsuzen, wouldn't he be reincarnated to arrive at the same time, too?

 

Actually, he'd thought of that before he'd made his decision. But no one needed… he just wasn't that important…

 

That's what he'd thought. Doumeki's expressions just proved that wrong. The fact was, he was being selfish.

 

And really, he had acted without thinking about what it all meant. He hadn't considered that his decision meant that someday Doumeki wouldn't be there. Doumeki was always there. Doumeki should always be there. If Doumeki wasn't there it would be like… Like being without Yuuko.

 

Stopping, he imagined what it would be like. What it REALLY would be like.

 

No one to cook for except Mokona - and he really would be just as content with cheap liquor as he was with cooking. He didn't really care about the effort Watanuki made.

 

The girls would keep him company. But… without Doumeki there to pester him, to rile him. Just to be there. It would be…

 

God.

 

Someday Doumeki wouldn't be here.

 

Someday Doumeki would be… dead.

 

His little plush paws flew up to his mouth in an attempt to hold in the involuntary cry that burst forth at that thought.

 

What had he done?

 

“Watanuki,” Mokona called from his own body. “Doumeki will probably be back in about an hour. You should probably make dinner now and have it waiting when he returns - so he doesn't catch on.

 

Nodding, he stood up and walked to the kitchen, numb in his new realization. Silently, he prepared for dinner.

 

X

 

He'd set out the pot, laid out all the ingredients, and had just finished poured the sake when Doumeki arrived.

 

Nodding, Mokona in the guise of Watanuki waved him in, and they ate in silence.

 

Still lost in thought and worry, Watanuki failed to notice that Mokona was drinking sake in his body. And as much sake as he'd normally consume in his plushie form. But that lack of awareness changed when he saw Doumeki reach out and grasp his wrist as his body tried to fill his tumbler with more sake.

 

“That's your third glass. I think you've had enough.”

 

“Oh, but I'm jus' geddin starded,” his voice slurred, as he slipped to one side. As it happened, the side he slipped to was the side Doumeki was sitting on, and the seer's body fell so that his head landed in the taller boy's lap. Smiling, he looked up at waved. “Hi, Doumeki!”

 

`Oh, god. He's gotten me drunk!'

 

Watanuki couldn't pull his eyes away. It was like a train wreck. And Mokona used the opportunity to snuggle his face against Doumeki's thigh. “Mmmm. You're so comforbull.” He sighed and snuggled some more, his arms hugging onto Doumeki's leg.

 

Doumeki, he noticed, was frozen like a deer in the headlights. Watanuki could see him struggling with what to do. Gritting his teeth, the archer closed his eyes and took several deep, meditative breaths. And then, he reached down with one hand and brushed the hair out of his friend's eyes. The other hand was opening and closing - for all intents and purposes appearing as if he were trying to talk himself out of resting it on Watanuki's… shoulder? Waist? Hip?

 

“Idiots shouldn't try to drink so much.” But though the words were disparaging, the exorcist was looking at him with such…

 

There wasn't any way to deny it. He was looking at him with love. Hopeless, unrequited love.

 

But it wasn't him. It was Mokona. Unbidden, the thought came, “That should be me.” And then, “Doumeki.” Finally, sadness turned to anger. “That should be me!” He clapped his little paws twice, with feeling.

 

And the colors of the world shifted.

 

He felt himself settling back in to his own body. Only a fraction of a second came clear, allowing Watanuki to understand he was back, and then the alcohol Mokona had forced him to imbibe hit him like a hammer across the brain.

 

Blinking, the solid form against which he was pressing his cheek, the firm limbs he'd wrapped his arms around, became the backdrop to his awareness. And oh, that backdrop made him feel so safe and warm. Doumeki's fingers that continued to brush through his hair felt like the most amazing thing ever.

 

Doumeki. Doumeki was sad because of him. He owed so much to Doumeki.

 

Doumeki's fingers felt so good. He snuggled in more, really hugging the archer's leg.

 

But stupid! He was so stupid. How could he be so dumb! He'd left Doumeki behind for Yuuko. And now Doumeki was sad. Doumeki wasn't supposed to have emotions. But he was sad. And someday… Just like everyone else…

 

What would he do if Doumeki left - if he died?

 

It wouldn't be like being without Yuuko. It would much, much worse.

 

He started to cry. Silently, his tears fell and Doumeki's fingers continued their assault on his scalp. His parents, then Yuuko. He was always alone. And the fingers in his hair played counterpoint to the thoughts running through his brain.

 

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. “Why does everyone leave me behind?” he sobbed.

 

Fingers stalled and then continued stroking. “I'm still here.”

 

“But you'll leave me, too. You'll go. Or you'll… you'll…” He rolled over and looked up into golden eyes. “I don't want you to die! I want you to stay! Why can't you stay with me forever? I want you to stay!” He rolled over completely, burying his face in the archer's tummy, his arms wrapped around, holding the archer tight. He sobbed, “Shizuka, I…”

 

With a start, he sat upright, his eyes wide, and then he quickly stood and ran toward the bathroom, the green in his complexion giving away the reason for his flight.

 

X

 

The sound of retching rang clearly through the hall as Doumeki made his way toward the bathroom.

 

Normally, he wouldn't interrupt Watanuki at a moment like this - where he's showing what might be perceived of as weakness. But the sorcerer was drunk. He never drank like that. What had prompted him to get drunk? And, more importantly, he'd not only said he wanted to be with Doumeki for ever, he called him… he'd called him by name.

 

The sounds of vomiting stopped well before he got to the door. Instead, he was greeted with the sound of whimpering sobs. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do.”

 

With a sigh, Doumeki gently pulled the glasses off the boy's face, then walked over to the sink, set the glasses down, and poured a cup of mouthwash.

 

“Use this,” he said as he handed it to Watanuki. When the boy just nodded and rinsed, then spit the dross into the toilet - without a word of argument - Doumeki knew something had to be very wrong indeed. He took the cup back, set it on the counter, then bent down to pick up his drunken and disheveled friend. It did nothing to make him feel less worried when the seer turned and wrapped his arms around him as he carried him, bridal style, toward his bedroom. The boy was still crying softly.

 

Shizuka's intention was to gently lay Watanuki on his bed and then sit down on the edge next to him. But Watanuki wouldn't let go. So, he sat with his back against the headboard, Watanuki on his lap, his face buried in the archer's shoulder. Eventually, his breathing evened out and Doumeki could tell that the seer had stopped crying.

 

Very softly, he whispered, “You awake?”

 

The bundle in his lap nodded, his face rubbing against his chest as he did.

 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he held back a sigh. “So?” he inquired.

 

Watanuki shook his head no, still keeping his face pressed tightly up against the broad shoulder. “You first.”

 

A single eyebrow raised in confusion, and even though he couldn't possibly have seen it with his face pressed into the other boy, he said, “You first. Why do you keep coming over here?”

 

With a blank stare that felt like rolled eyes, he responded, “To see you.”

 

Watanuki quickly looked up and looked into Doumeki's golden eyes. “Why?” His voice was firm, demanding a response.

 

Looking off to the side, he responded simply, “Because.” And in his mind, Watanuki heard, faintly, “That's my wish.”

 

Mismatched eyes widened just a fraction. Then closed, and he rested his face against a broad, warm chest, his arms still wrapped around the taller man.

 

He really should have expected it. But still, after about 15 seconds with the seer not moving, Doumeki sighed.

 

Watanuki had fallen asleep.

 

X

 

 

When he awoke, he had a slight crick in his neck. But his cheek was resting against the softest…

 

He went to move an arm, and realized it was trapped. His eyes opened wide and the night before came back to him. Unconsciously, he hugged the boy in his arms just a little tighter. He was rewarded with a sleepy groan.

 

“Ugh. I don't feel very well,” came a soft mutter.

 

“Nauseous?” he inquired softly.

 

“No. I just feel like I got stomped on by a dem-” the voice cut off, to be replaced with a screech and backpedalling out of the bed. “Doumeki! What are you doing in my BED!”

 

Smirking and plugging one ear with his pinky, he replied, “Well, if you can make that much noise, then you don't have a hangover. Good thing you puked.”

 

Doumeki watched as bi-colored eyes widened in memory, then crinkled in obvious upset.

 

“Are you finally going to tell me?”

 

Looking away, trying to find something that might require his attention and get him out of this, Watanuki replied, “Tell you what?”

 

“Why.”

 

His eyes continued to roam over the room seeking respite. “Why? What do you mean?”

 

Swiftly, Doumeki moved, grabbed Watanuki's arm and turned him to face him. “Why. Did you get drunk. What is going on in that idiot brain of yours?”

 

Without looking away, Watanuki was held captive by golden eyes. He began to ramble, “It really wasn't my fault. Mokona, he… No. I can't say that, then you'll find out.” He gasped and covered his mouth with both hands. His voice muffled, he said, “I… I…”

 

And he sprang on the unsuspecting archer, grasping him by the upper arms and planting a kiss on his lips. The next second, he'd flung himself away and was ranting to himself.

 

“AH! Why did I do that? I can't do that. It's not fair. But he's going to die and I don't want him to and I'll still be here and alone - God, I'm so stupid! I just didn't think, I just thought Yuuko would, but if Doumeki, and he's going to keep coming and God, it's not right. You should just go and leave me! Everyone does and who cares what *I* want? Why should you be different, just because you're here and why? Why didn't you tell me?! I wouldn't have- I might have-” He threw himself at the archer again.

 

This time, Doumeki caught his arms and pushed him away mere seconds after their lips had touched. “What are you doing?”

 

After a second had passed, Watanuki stomped one foot, hands thrust down in fists by his side, and screamed, “I DON'T KNOW!” The urge to run away was strong. But, where would he go? He couldn't leave the shop. Instead, he dropped and curled up into a ball, wrapping his arms around his legs and hiding his face. “I'm such an idiot,” he muttered.

 

Sitting on the bed next to him, Doumeki responded, “I've been saying that for years.”

 

Without lifting his face, he thrust his arm out, pointing at the exorcist. “YOU shut up! You're a bigger idiot than I am.”

 

“How do you figure?”

 

“Only a total moron falls in love with an idiot.”

 

An outside observer would have said that Doumeki's expression hadn't changed at the statement. But Watanuki heard the intake of breath. Through his arms he said, sadly, “I... I wasn't trying to leave you behind. I just…” He lifted his head and yelled angrily at the startled boy sitting on the bed. “You're always around! Always! Why would it even occur to me that you wouldn't still be here with me?!”

 

Speaking slowly, as if trying to figure out what the right thing to say might be, Doumeki ventured to respond, “You… want me to… be here?”

 

“God, you're so annoying! Do you know that? Do you need a written invitation? Do I have to write it out like a contract?!”

 

“Actually, I think… I might like that.”

 

“You WHAT-” He was unable to finish that thought because this time, Doumeki had initiated the kiss. And this time, it wasn't just closed lips. No, his hands pulled the idiot to him, arms wrapped around and trapped him in an embrace, fingers stroked down his back. And when they reached far enough that he actually grabbed the seer's ass, causing him to gasp, his tongue thrust into the slightly younger man's mouth, lightly massaging, licking, enticing a moan.

 

And now, it was Watanuki's hands roaming, stroking, pressing them closer together. When they broke for air, the taller man bent to kiss down the other's neck. “Shizuka,” he moaned, his hands grasping pulling, trying to get closer - why weren't they closer?

 

The sound of his name. He paused and just held the seer. Resting his head on his shoulder, he called, softly, but with longing, “Kimihiro.” Arms tightened around the fragile boy. “I… have a wish.”