Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ A Simple Wish ❯ One-Shot

Title: A Simple Wish
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rating: R for Shounen-ai/Yaoi/mild lime/sap/fluff
Characters: Tsuzuki/Hisoka
Summary: Hisoka has a present for Tsuzuki, but he's nowhere to be found. Where did he go and why does he disappear on his birthday...?
Comments: Originally posted 2/22/03, edited 2/24/03. I posted this as a Tsuzuki birthday fanfic. I posted it on FF.net on the 22nd, but I hated the ending, so I fixed it and re-posted it 2/24/03.
Spoilers: Kyoto Arc spoilers
Status: Complete

Disclaimers: I don't own Yami, Tsuzuki, Hisoka, Tatsumi or anything else associated with the anime. :( I wish I owned a Tsuzuki plushie as usual, but that's another story. :X

Disclaimers: I don't own Yami, Tsuzuki, Hisoka, Tatsumi or anything else associated with the anime. :( I wish I owned a Tsuzuki plushie as usual, but that's another story. :X

AND on with the show!

The ringing of an alarm clock brought him out of his slumber. Sighing to himself, Kurosaki Hisoka rolled over in his bed, hitting the snooze button. Normally when his alarm went off, he would get up right away, but today was a bit different.

Today was a certain Shinigami's birthday.

And all last night, Hisoka spent all his time in the kitchen. Even staying up till two o'clock in the morning. And of all things, baking a cake. A cake!

Hisoka didn't like anything that tasted sweet. So why did he spend all night baking a cake that he would most likely never eat?

'Because I'm crazy,' He thought to himself, ignoring the ringing of the alarm clock. 'Because I would do anything for that idiot, just to see him smile…'

Knowing he wasn't going to get anymore sleep than he did, he rubbed his emerald eyes and tossed off the sheets of his bed. He undressed, showered, and re-dressed quickly.

He opened his bedroom door and sighed to himself at the mess in the kitchen. He was exhausted after he put the chocolate cake in the fridge. Well, he would do some serious cleaning when he got home tonight!

He opened the fridge and took out the chocolate cake. It probably wasn't the best chocolate cake in the word. After all, Hisoka was no chief! But he knew his partner would enjoy it anyways. Carefully, he put it into a small box he bought. He took some string and wrapped it around the box. Snatching a small paper bag, he opened his door, a small smile crossing his face for just a moment, and prepared for the day ahead of him.

-

Work was quiet, which worried Hisoka. He ended up arriving at the office a few minutes late, and expected Tatsumi to come out and give him a lecture, but to Hisoka's relief, he didn't. What he didn't need right now was Tatsumi's blue eyes piercing down at him in a straight calm voice and list the many reasons why one should not be late to work.

Hisoka slipped into the office he and Tsuzuki shared. He expected his partner to come to the door to greet him. But he wasn't in his office.

Hisoka shrugged to himself. Tsuzuki usually never came on time himself; it was a miracle in itself if he ever managed to! So Hisoka set down the box next to him and idly did some paperwork, expecting to hear, 'Good morning, Hisoka!' in that cheerful voice of his any moment.

An hour passed and Tsuzuki still never showed up. Hisoka slipped the cake in the small icebox that Tsuzuki kept in a remote corner of his office. Luckily, Tatsumi didn't know of it, or the icebox would be gone before you could blink.

Another hour passed and still, Tsuzuki never appeared.

Hisoka started to worry. He knew Tsuzuki could take care of himself; after all, he had twelve powerful Shikigami at his command! But memories of what happened in Kyoto seeped through his mind.

Tsuzuki looked strong and happy and cheerful on the outside. But deep down, behind the sugar cravings and inu-puppy was a wounded heart. Tsuzuki tried so hard to hide how he felt; sometimes even his empathy couldn't pick up on what Tsuzuki really felt unless he was touching him.

He remembered the time in Kyoto, when they went to the bar.

'Am I human?' He would ask Hisoka over and over again, while the snow fell around them. And Hisoka would always answer with the same reply.

'Yes, Tsuzuki. You are human…'

Tsuzuki was the most humane person Hisoka ever met. He always felt for those around him, even though he didn't have the gift ('Or perhaps a curse,' Hisoka thought) of empathy. He felt compassion for everyone and everything. Well, maybe except for demons and Muraki…

But, he would constantly blame himself when cases would get out of hand. Even if he wasn't holding the knife that killed someone, he always felt he did. And he would sink down in a depressed state that lasted for days, weeks, sometimes, even months.

It was why Tatsumi broke up their partnership so long ago…

He remembered what Tatsumi told him. He couldn't stand to see Tsuzuki so sad day after day, even though he would cover it up. His face didn't show it, but anyone who looked into his eyes would know.

Hisoka knew Tatsumi felt more for Tsuzuki than a simple partnership. It was apparent, and he didn't need his empathy to see how much Tatsumi felt for the purple-eyed Shinigami. Hisoka knew that his own feelings for Tsuzuki were more than a simple partnership as well.

So why didn't Hisoka repeat what Tatsumi did?

He really didn't have an answer. But the day Tsuzuki was taken away by Muraki in Kyoto hurt him more than he realized. He couldn't stand to live without that purple-eyed idiot. Even if Tsuzuki was upset or sad, he wanted to be there for him. To be his home to come to when he needed it…

'I…I need you!'

And Hisoka meant those words when they were surrounded by Touda's flames. He wanted to say more then, but the words would not come out of his mouth then. All he wanted was for Tsuzuki to stay with him, as selfish as it sounded…

'Can I… stay with you?'

He could only nod then, words failing him at the moment before darkness overcame his vision then…

And it all happened only a few months ago…

Their relationship didn't change much since then, even after their injuries healed. Tsuzuki was still obsessed with sweets, his smile never leaving his face. But every time Hisoka looked into his eyes, he just wanted to wrap his arms around the Shinigami and shout, 'Stop holding back what you really feel inside, you idiot!'

Perhaps emotionally and mentally, they haven't quite healed yet though.

Hisoka didn't know whether to be happy or sad about the way they were progressing. He was happy now, much happier, than he had ever been in his living life. But there was a pang of sadness; something inside him wanted more than just what he had…

'Is this what it's like to fall in love…?'

He knew he loved Tsuzuki. He knew it all along. But did he love him as a friend, as his family, or something deeper than that?

He glanced at the clock again. It was almost lunchtime. NOW he was starting to really worry.

The door opened. Hisoka was about to open his mouth, ready to demand to his idiot of a partner why he was so late, but closed it. Tsuzuki was not the person who opened his door.

"Good afternoon, Kurosaki-kun." Tatsumi greeted. Hisoka slumped back in his chair and sighed. "Is something the matter?"

"Tsuzuki…"

"Aa, didn't Tsuzuki-san tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Tatsumi lifted an eyebrow, pushed his glasses up the rim of his nose and shook his head. "Well, you do know what today is?"

"Of course, Tatsumi-san! It's Tsuzuki's birthday!"

"Aaa. But you do know what he does every year when his birthday comes around?"

"No. I thought he would just come into work…"

"No. He requests the day off."

"Well, that's not unusual though. I mean, it IS his birthday after all…"

"That's not all."

"What?"

"Every year, we offer to take Tsuzuki-san somewhere. We offer to take him to a restaurant of his choice, to throw him a birthday party, a fair, even an amusement park. But every year, he declines and just disappears for the day."

"Why?"

"That is his own personal business. We did ask him, in the beginning, but he would always shake his head, not wishing to discuss it. Even when I talked to him privately, he would not talk about it."

Hisoka turned his head away. He really didn't expect this. Now panic started threatened to consume him. He knew for a fact Tsuzuki wasn't the most emotionally stable person and just knowing that every year, he took his birthday off to be alone…

"Kurosaki-kun? Are you all right?"

He looked at Tatsumi, wiping a tear that formed in his eyes and nodded. Tatsumi eyed him carefully before nodding.

"All right, you can take the rest of the day off."

"Tatsumi-san?"

"It's not like there's anything that needs to be done at the moment. And besides that, you have been working hard enough these past few months. So go relax."

"Tatsumi-san… Thank you…"

-

The afternoon passed by quickly. The first place Hisoka went to look was Tsuzuki's apartment. After knocking several times and receiving no answer, he took out a key. Tsuzuki offered him a key to his apartment not too long ago.

'If you ever get lonely in that apartment of yours, you can always come over to mine, Hisoka!'

'You idiot…'

He was now glad he accepted the key. Unfortunately, the apartment was empty. Hisoka looked around for any signs of where his partner could be, but found nothing. Placing the chocolate cake in the fridge, he locked the door and prepared to search.

So for hours, Hisoka checked all the restaurants he knew Tsuzuki and himself frequently ate at. He checked the local parks, the local candy shops, and any other places that Tsuzuki would go to. There was no sign of him anywhere.

It was now five o'clock and here was Hisoka, back at Tsuzuki's empty apartment for the second time today.

Unlike Hisoka's apartment, Tsuzuki's apartment was well furnished. Paintings hung on the walls, some crooked (which Hisoka straightened). Shelves had at least one type of ornament on it in place. Each room had a unique style to it, making the entire apartment seem lively.

The place was a mess, but Hisoka figured as much. When they stayed at hotels during cases, Tsuzuki would usually leave a mess and say 'Awww, Hisoka, I'll clean it up tomorrow!' Most of the time though, tomorrow never came for Tsuzuki and Hisoka, in the end, ended up cleaning the mess. He really didn't mind, it became a habit after a while.

So for the next hour, Hisoka washed the dirty dishes in the sink, picked up the candy wrappers that were on the floor, put the dirty clothes in the laundry basket, vacuumed the living room…

He opened the door to the bedroom, prepared to clean up the mess inside there as well. Surprisingly, the bedroom was neat, save the bed was unmade. After Hisoka made the bed, he checked the bathroom and found a surprise.

Glass was everywhere on the floor. The remains of a small mirror were near the sink. Hisoka bent down and picked the broken shards off the floor carefully and carried them out to kitchen wastebasket, wondering if the mirror fell and broke of it's own accord or because someone broke it…

Hisoka looked at the clock that hung on the wall. Ten minutes to seven. He sighed to himself and sat down in one of the chairs in the dinner room, drumming his fingers on the table, the time going by slowly. The clock read seven o'clock when the doorknob to the entrance of the apartment started to turn from the other side.

Hisoka's eyes stared at the stillohouse of the figure at the door. Purple eyes widened in shock as a wave of emotions hit Hisoka all at once. A small gasp came from his throat, as he was overwhelmed with emotions. It only lasted for one second though.

Hisoka knew what he felt though. It was apparent from his eyes and the overall sadness of his face when he first entered the door. But he still tried his hardest to cover it up. He smiled at him, but his eyes did not.

"Hisoka! I wasn't expecting you! What are you doing here this…"

Ignoring the warnings in the back of his head, he jumped right out of his chair and tackled his partner, burying his head into his black overcoat. Warm arms wrapped around his waist as the young teen sobbed quietly.

"Hisoka?"

Hisoka shook his head, and Tsuzuki remained silent after that, continuing to hold him. When Hisoka felt that all his tears had been shed his eyes locked onto Tsuzuki's.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"About what?"

"You damn well know what, you idiot!"

"Hisoka! Don't be so MEAN!" He pouted, which made Hisoka sigh to himself.

"Tsuzuki… I'm being serious…"

The purple-eyed Shinigami didn't reply and pulled away from him. He took off his black overcoat and hung it on the coat hanger near the corner of the door.

"I just wanted to be alone today…"

"On your birthday?"

He cringed at the mention of his birthday. He went over to a chair and sat down.

"Yeah…" Was all he answered. Hisoka shook his head and went to the fridge and took out the box. A puzzled look came over to his face when Hisoka pushed the box toward him.

"Open it."

Tsuzuki shrugged before pulling the string off the box. He opened it and stared at the contents inside.

"I made it…" Hisoka said, with his head down.

"Sankyuu, Hisoka!" He exclaimed, and Hisoka looked up. If Tsuzuki's face looked any happier, a heart would've appeared over his head at the moment.

Hisoka went over to the cabinet and took out a dish. He roamed in the drawer for a knife and a fork. Tsuzuki reached for the knife, but Hisoka stopped him. He took out a paper bag, which contained a simple candle and placed it in the middle of the cake. He lit the candle and looked over to Tsuzuki, confusion spread across his face.

"You're supposed to make a wish first and blow out the candle."

"A wish?"

"Yeah. Close your eyes and make the wish in your head though. If you say it out loud, supposedly, it's not supposed to come true."

He nodded and closed his eyes. A minute passed before he opened his eyes and blew out the candle. He then looked at Hisoka.

"NOW can I have a piece?"

Hisoka shook his head, murmuring 'idiot' under his breath and passed him the plate and knife over to him. And Tsuzuki dove right into the cake.

"Um, tish ish good, Hishoka."

"Idiot! Don't talk with your mouth full!"

He swallowed, a chocolate covered grin forming on his face.

"Now you have chocolate frosting on your face. Here."

He handed Tsuzuki a napkin. He wiped his face quickly and dove right back into the piece he had, which he devoured in the span of 30 seconds. Hisoka expected him to dive into another piece, but he didn't. His purple eyes locked onto emerald eyes.

"Hisoka, were you out looking for me?"

He wanted to turn his head away then. But he found out he couldn't. This time, sadness wasn't reflecting in those amethyst eyes.

"Yes, I was…"

"Why?"

"Why do you think, you idiot!?"

A hand cupped his cheek, which caused him to flitch and stand up from the chair. Tsuzuki stood up again and reached out to him, but he backed away. The look in his eyes scared him, but he couldn't take his eyes from their gaze. He felt his back hit the wall of the living room as Tsuzuki stood close to him, gazing down.

"Tell me. I want to hear the words come out of your mouth, not from my head…"

"Because I was worried! Tatsumi-san told me about what you do every year!"

Tsuzuki turned away from Hisoka. He walked to the window of his apartment and gazed out into the night sky. Relaxing a bit, he walked over to his partner.

"Do you know why I want to be alone every year on my birthday?"

Hisoka said nothing, knowing that he was going to be told anyways; whether he said he wanted to or not.

"Every year that passes by reminds me of my own existence. So every night, I think of all that's happened in the year that past by before the last. And I remember every case I was on then… All the people I had to take away from their loved ones…

"So for every person that I hurt during the year, I pass by their graves. I leave flowers there and ask them for forgiveness. Of course, who would forgive someone like me? I took away their happiness…"

"Stop it!"

Tsuzuki turned to Hisoka. "But it's the truth!"

"It's not…"

"And then I thought about this year…"

Hisoka saw tears forming in Tsuzuki's eyes now. "I feel so terrible… Because when I think back on the past year… I was happy… I never felt so happy about a year before, ever…" His hand covered his face.

"What's wrong about you being happy?"

"Because I am the one who took the happiness away from others… What gives me the right to be happy when I…"

"Stop it, Tsuzuki! You didn't take the happiness away from others!"

"But…" He collapsed to the floor, sobbing quietly into his hands. Hisoka knelt down and embraced the older man in his arms. He ran his pale hands through his brown hair.

"Tsuzuki…" He began, "You have just as much right to be happy as anyone else. You talk about all the people who were killed, but did you stop and think about the people you saved? Like Hijiri?

"Or what about Maria Wong? You saved her from killing more people and being a puppet… There are so many people you saved and helped… Why can't you see that!?"

"A monster like me doesn't deserve happiness…"

"I already told you… You're human… You're probably the most humane person I've ever met. I don't know what goes on in that idiot brain of yours to think you're not human…"

Tsuzuki laughed softly and closed his eyes. He nuzzled his head closer to Hisoka's chest, which caused the young teen to blush.

"Idiot, what are you doing!?"

He didn't say anything. Hisoka opened his mouth to repeat, but it closed as Tsuzuki sat up and stared directly into the teen's eyes, their faces mere inches apart.

"Hisoka, tell me how you feel about me?"

He felt heat rise to his cheeks and from Tsuzuki's smile; he knew he could see him blushing. "What kind of question is that!?"

"Because I need to know… No one ever came after me before on my birthday… No one at all… But you did…"

Hisoka turned his head away, wanting to hide the blush that was evident on his pale cheeks, but a hand turned him back towards the older man. He felt scared, but yet, at the same time, he felt excited.

"You came to me too. Back in Kyoto too, when I thought no one else would… Just like today too… So why Hisoka?"

"Because… I don't want to see that sadness in your eyes… You try to hide it so much… You may think no one notices it, but I do… And… It hurts…"

Tsuzuki only smiled. "What else?"

"Because I was worried about you… Knowing that you're alone and hurting inside…"

"And?"

"What else do you want me to say!?"

"You should know…"

And Hisoka just realized then what he wanted to hear. But in truth, he was extremely scared. He berated himself then. This was Tsuzuki, after all.

"Hisoka… You probably already know how I feel…" Tsuzuki said, brushing blonde locks away from emerald eyes. "But I might as well tell you anyways…

"You have no idea how your simple actions effect me. From the way you pout, the way you get angry, the way you cry, the words you say… Everything…

"At first, I thought it was because you were my partner and more importantly, my friend. I wanted to be there for you, when you needed a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to. I wanted you to feel needed… That you felt like you belonged… I hated seeing you in pain…

"But the incidents that happened in Kyoto made me realize something. That just as I wanted to comfort you and cry on my shoulder, I wanted you to comfort me as well… And when you came for me, I realized you were more than just a friend, a partner and even a family member… Just as much as you need me, I need you…

"I love you, Hisoka…"

Hisoka closed his eyes then and waited. It wasn't long of a wait as he felt Tsuzuki's lips lightly brush against his own. And Tsuzuki pulled back all too quickly before he looked back into his partner's eyes.

"I'm not an empath, Hisoka. So you need to tell me how you feel…"

"I… don't know how…"

"Just tell me what comes from your heart…"

Hisoka nodded and took a deep breath. "Well, when I first met you, I thought you were an idiot." A chuckle escaped Tsuzuki's lips before he let his partner continue. "You took simple pleasures in food, you goofed around and loafed around a lot. I didn't think you ever took a job seriously, as you were always eying something sweet or something to eat. We are total opposites of each other on the outside.

"But… The more I got to know you over time, the more I realized that we were very much alike. More alike that I thought. And I also realized that even though you seemed and looked so happy on the outside, deep inside, you were hurting. And, you tried so hard to hide it from others, because you didn't want them to worry about you…

"I viewed you as a my partner for a while, but nothing more. I thought it was better off if we just co-workers. But when you were possessed by that demon… I realized I viewed you more as just my partner, but as a friend.

"It wasn't until you were taken away from us… That I realized how much you meant to me. And when I saw that you were about to kill yourself… Wipe yourself from existence… I just couldn't take that… To think of walking into work without seeing you or hearing your voice… Thinking of my existence without you… I realized how much I needed you…"

He felt tears running down his face. "I'm selfish…"

A hand wiped the tears running down his cheeks. "It's not selfish to not want someone you care about die, Hisoka…"

"But…"

A finger to his lip silenced him. "I can say if our positions were reversed, I would have came after you."

Hisoka nodded before he continued. "When I was around you, I always felt the same emotions coming from you. So I was confused for a long time. I thought I only felt the way I did because I was reading your emotions and not my own.

"But today, I finally realized it. When you weren't around, I still felt those emotions inside of myself. Those emotions were my own. I felt exactly the same way as you feel about me…

"I… I love you, Tsuzuki…"

A smile came to Tsuzuki's lips. But more importantly to Hisoka, the smile reflected in his eyes. He returned the smile in favor.

He felt something warm press on his lips. Unlike before, Tsuzuki didn't pull back from him and Hisoka was lost in the overwhelming feelings. Tsuzuki broke the kiss when he felt the young teen start to tremble.

"What's wrong?"

"A little scared…"

"I know what you're thinking… Hisoka, we don't have to go that far. I'm content to just holding you like this…"

"I know… But… I don't want you just to be content…"

"Hisoka…?"

Before Tsuzuki could say anything else, the young teen wrapped his arms around the older man's neck and hungrily devoured his lips. Tsuzuki's purple eyes widen in surprise at the change in the boy as he opened his mouth, his tongue demanding entrance, to which Tsuzuki couldn't refuse.

Meanwhile, Hisoka's entire body felt strangely warm and light. He was lost in the emotions that came from himself and Tsuzuki. What little reasoning that was holding him back was instantly gone.

He finally parted from the older Shinigami, but he wasn't done. He felt a little disappointment coming from Tsuzuki, but that didn't last long, as he slowly planted kisses down the older Shinigami's neck. He heard Tsuzuki let out a sigh, which only increased his passion to do more.

Hisoka's hands went for the white dress shirt and fumbled with the buttons. When they were all undone, he slipped the shirt from the broad shoulders and let his hands wander. A soft moan escaped Tsuzuki's lips when his hand lightly brushed across a nipple.

Letting gravity do her work, they both fell back to the floor, Hisoka looking down on the purple-eyed man. He lifted his arms and discarded his orange sweatshirt to the floor. This time, he let both his hands and mouth wander, leaving wet kisses all along the other's man torso. He teased the other man by trailing his tongue in circular movements around a nipple. A whimper came from the older man as he ran his hands through ash blonde hair. Then he decided enough was enough as his mouth covered the peak, which caused his partner's back to arch.

"Aaa, Hisoka…" He moaned softly. Emerald eyes locked onto purple eyes.

"I want you to be happy, Tsuzuki…" Hisoka whispered. "I want to make you happy…"

"Are you sure?"

His answer was another desperate kiss to his lips. Tsuzuki pushed Hisoka away. Puzzlement covered his face.

"First off, we should do this in a more comfortable place. The floor isn't exactly the most comfortable place to do something like this." And he winked at him, which caused Hisoka to blush.

Reluctantly, he stood up and offered his hand out to his partner. Tsuzuki grabbed his hand and got up from the floor. Right after, he pulled the young teen into an embrace, their lips once again interlocked.

Hisoka felt himself being led away from the window and into another room entirely. He opened one of his emerald eyes and realized that he was back in Tsuzuki's bedroom. Their lips still interlocked, both took the moment to open their mouths, exploring each other, mirroring and mimicking each other. His skin tingled all over as he felt himself drown in the emotions that came from the passionate kiss.

After that, Hisoka let instinct take over from there, losing himself into his own emotions of love, passion and lust for his partner. For once in his life, he felt truly happy. More importantly though, was hearing the satisfied moans from his partner, which only increased his passion.

It was a totally different experience, something that he never felt before. And the more they went on, the more the feeling grew, desperately wanting release. He lost track of all time and space when he felt himself climax.

As he felt himself collapse next to his partner on the bed, another emotion crept upon him. 'Happiness…'

Warm arms wrapped around his waist, and this time, it was Hisoka's turn to nuzzle against his partner's chest.

"Are you happy, Tsuzuki?"

"Aa, Hisoka… I am…"

Hisoka smiled as he felt warm hands stroking his back. The feelings of warmth caused him to cuddle closer to his partner.

"Remember what you said before? About making a wish in my head?" Tsuzuki softly whispered to him.

"Aaa…"

"I got my wish…"

A smile formed on his lips as the ebbs of sleep came over him.

"Happy Birthday, Tsuzuki…"