Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Comfort ❯ Comfort ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Date written: December 30, 2001

Notes: Loosely based on the Kyoto Arc (episode 11, part 2)
Tatsumi's POV

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of the Darkness) is owned by Matsushita Yohko, Hana to Yume Comics, U.S. Manga and a host of others. This is written for entertainment purposes.


COMFORT
by babaca


I've helped my co-workers once tonight. I prevented Muraki from taking Tsuzuki away. I felt his despair even in Meifu, I had to help... there was no other way. For my efforts, Muraki taunted him by calling me a selfish man. Little did he know how right he was. Not that I cared what he thought. Tsuzuki, Hisoka and Watari's safety were my priorities at that moment in time.

Hisoka was not making it any easier for me to feign selflessness.

"Please? I know you would be better at comforting him than I," the young shinigami with the greenest of green eyes stated. "You've known him longer."

I sighed and replied, "We were partners for three months. I dare say you probably know him better."

I wanted to say no. I wanted Hisoka to take responsibility for his partner. It wasn't my place to babysit Asat-- Tsuzuki out of his depression. Not any more. It's not that he wouldn't welcome my presence, but it wasn't my place.

I sighed and resigned myself to my fate. To my pain. "Okay, but only for a day."

"Arigato Tatsumi-san," he smiled. I know many think Hisoka can't smile, but he can. This smile would have almost softened me to the duty I was to undertake. As quickly as the smile appeared it disappeared and he was gone.

I sat in a nondescript hotel room. Tsuzuki was asleep, well that's not entirely true. To sleep would mean to relax and he looked anything but relaxed. It hurt me to see him in such pain as he tossed and turned in his private hell. I wanted to wake him but I could tell by the violence of his tossing and turning he would awaken himself soon.

I was right. As he sat up quickly gasping for air, violet eyes staring blankly in terror at nothing. I suppressed my instinct to take him in my arms. Instead I offered a hand to his shaking shoulder.

"Tsuzuki, are you awake?" I asked trying to stay the calm pillar of strength that he had known me to be in the past.

"Where am I?" he asked shakily.

"In a hotel, don't worry about the expense I've paid your way," I said mentally sighing to myself. Once an accountant, always an accountant. In Tsuzuki's condition, I didn't think it was fair to send them back to the inexpensive, if rundown rental I found that fit the budget better.

To say I was surprised when he threw himself into my arms would have been an understatement. I let the surprise and desire abate as I listened to his tortured words.

"Another innocent person was killed because of me," He sobbed in my arms. "Because I let them get close to me."

My heart broke hearing his broken words. I could allow him to wallow in this guilt. Why didn't I kill Muraki when I had the chance? "You have to stop thinking like that, Tsuzuki. None of this is your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Stop crying."

He was not convinced, of course. For someone so gentle and caring, I know he carried a self-loathing. It was the kind of self-loathing I recognize in myself sometimes.

I gently pushed him back down back on the bed. "Rest well, Tsuzuki. I'll keep a watch out for you."

"Where is Hisoka?" He asked, still upset, but trying to stay calm for me.

"He and Watari are looking for Professor Satomi," I said, pushing my glasses up my nose. The minute I did that I saw Tsuzuki tense up. Whether it was because he found out where Hisoka had gone, or my unconscious habit with my glasses reminded him of Muraki, I did not know. "So I thought you and I would spend some time together if it's okay with you." I pressed cheerfully.

Tsuzuki was staring at me like I grew a third head. He knows me too well. "Honto ni?"

Dammit. He had that wide eyed innocent stare that grabs me every time. That made the pain that much sharper. "Yes, really. I understand Kyoto is a wonderful town. At least Watari has always insisted it is. Shall we explore it tomorrow?"

Another deep stab. He was smiling at me. "Hai! That would be great. Arigato, Tatsumi-kun. Good night," Tsuzuki said sleepily. As he drifted off to sleep, I managed to let go of the breath I had been holding. It was going to be a long night.

I have always hated aimless sightseeing. That was until I went to this one with Tsuzuki. As silly as these things are, when you are with someone you care about they cease being silly. We were on a scavenger hunt for souvenirs for the others back at Meifu. It was fun. Neither of us managed to think about Muraki or the depression that Tsuzuki was starting to wallow in before I arrived last night.

Tsuzuki knowing of my dislike of such activities thanked me for taking him anyway. It was tough accepting the thanks when you are staring at a person with whipped cream on his face. The temptation to give in and lick it off of him was overwhelming, but instead I opted to take my handkerchief and removed the goo. Damn, why did he have to blush? My groin tightened the moment I saw his cheeks tinge that faint rose color. I know I'm holding that handkerchief to his face longer than necessary, but I can't help it. Everything molecule of my body was screaming for me to kiss him, to hold him and to love him.

Tsuzuki started to get nervous, and I knew it was my cue to stop staring so intently at him. I stupidly said something to the effect that I was glad he was feeling better. The rest of the day melted away for me as we talked of our past together with an ease shared by intimate friends. Before long we were back at that hotel room Tsuzuki was staying at.

I realized I only promised a day and no doubt Hisoka would return soon enough. I tried to ignore the sadness that thought brought me. I was startled when I felt a warm hand touching my face.

"Seiichiro, why are you sad? Did you not have fun today?" Tsuzuki asked with his brilliant, beautiful eyes never leaving mine.

"Asato, you know I always have fun with you," I admonished, speaking nothing but the truth. "I'm just sorry it has to end so soon."

"There is still time, Seiichiro," Asato said sweetly before his lips met mine.

My soul cried and I berated myself as I let myself slip into the unreality of that kiss. The kiss was chaste for as long as I could hold it. Finally I surrendered and allowed my tongue to lightly trace his lips. They still tasted of all the sweets he had eaten today. He moaned and opened his mouth for me to explore further. I didn't hesitate in the invitation.

We somehow managed to reach the bed, our clothes and my glasses vanishing along the way. If I were in my usual, rational, analytical mind, I would have stopped this before it went any further. I couldn't. Not with Asato writhing so invitingly beneath me. Not when every look into my eyes caused my pulse to race and my groin to harden to the point of insanity.

Sliding into him was like coming home. It was a place I longed to be. I allowed myself to forget this was temporary. Asato has always been a man to give his all and here I was greedily accepting it all--giving back in equal kind. Neither one of us wanted this moment of clarity to end. But it did end.

I stared in wonder as Asato cried out my name in passion. I attempted to imprint that image in my mind's eye for those nights I would be alone. Those nights I would allow myself to think of him. His body tightened so deliciously around me that I too fell into the abyss of joy and oblivion.

The selfish part of me wanted to leave--to suffer in silence. But the rational part of me stayed, holding him tight, greedily enjoying the closeness that would be gone all too soon.

"Arigato Seiichiro," Asato said with a sweet tiredness that would soon lull him into sleep.

I reached for tissues by the bedside table, to clean us up. "No, thank you Asato. Now sleep. I'll wake you later."

He kissed me one last time before he laid his head upon my chest. His slow deep breathing indicated to me he was sleep.

I tried not to think of the dark thoughts that follow after these bouts of comfort, but it couldn't be helped. No matter how deeply I love this man sleeping with me, I know he will never be mine. He had never trusted himself to fully commit to anyone in matters of love. Who was I fooling? That was not true. Someone had captured his heart, but it just wasn't me. He cared for me, just not enough. And because he fears rejection, he won't tell the other probably until it's too late.

If I were a true selfless friend, I would tell him to admit his feelings for Hisoka. I've seen that on some levels Hisoka had returned those feelings for Tsuzuki. Why they are so blind to each other, I will never know. I've said nothing in the past. I've hated myself for it, mainly because I've done nothing but wait like a puppy looking for table scraps. Watching Asato sleep, I have come to a conclusion--a resolution. I will try to stay out of their way in the future. Witnessing Asato's pain has only made me want him to have eternal happiness. It hurts knowing that happiness is not with me.

So I've promised myself to be the friend I'm suppose to be. If Muraki continues to haunt him, I will personally destroy that monster. I will no longer let Hisoka escape his obligations to Asato.

I felt the tears rolling down my face but couldn't help the quiet laugh. Maybe I'm learning to be selfless after all?

OWARI