Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Heart to Heart ❯ Part 3 - Climax ( Chapter 3 )

Hello, and welcome to the FINAL part of Heart to Heart. First off, I apologize to all my readers for keeping this part for so long. With college, it didn't make writing this easy.

First all, let me explain some things. There are two versions of this part. The one uploaded here is your NC-17 version, so you don't even have to worry. There is a PG-13 version and if you don't like reading about graphic sex, it's recommended you go and read that on FF.net.

Also, I didn't explain where the title came from! 'Heart to Heart' is the opening song to the anime Star Ocean EX and I thought it fit well with the way this fic came out to be.

I'd like to thank Rinoared for beta-ing this fic. I'd like to thank everyone who left a review for this fic.

Okay, enough author's notes. Enjoy the ending!

Part 3 - Climax

"Tsuzuki, we need to talk…"

An odd look, one of confusion, was the first response that Hisoka got from the older man. It lasted for a second before he smiled.

"Sure, just let me finish cutting this up and…"

"No. We really need to talk. As in right now."

As expected, apprehension came from the older man. "Is something wrong?"

A nod came from the young teenager. "Yes, and it needs to be talked about right now."

Tsuzuki put down the knife he was holding and looked at Hisoka. He noticed the young teen starting to fidget under his gaze. "O…okay," He answered and started roaming through the cabinet. "Just let me put this away, it'll only take a…"

"Tsuzuki, please…" Hisoka pleaded and tugged on the sleeve of Tsuzuki's shirt. This came as a shock to the older man. Normally, Hisoka was never persistent when he wanted to talk. When he needed to tell Tsuzuki something, he would wait patiently aside and then speak his mind.

However, this time…

"But the melon will spoil if I don't put it away!" Tsuzuki protested, which was part true, but part of him was extremely worried and Hisoka's persistence was beginning to frighten him.

A blush crossed pale cheeks. "I…I know! But… this is really important. I wouldn't interrupt otherwise."

All thoughts about the melon being spoiled were put aside after that was said. Because what Hisoka said was the simple truth. "A…all right." Leaving the melon on the counter, he followed Hisoka out to the living room and plopped himself down on the blue couch. Hisoka sat next to him, a few inches away from where Tsuzuki sat; a respectful distance, which Tsuzuki took note of.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I… I want to ask you a question."

"What?"

"Do you want anything?"

Tsuzuki cocked his head to one side. "What? I don't want…"

"Don't say you don't want anything!" Hisoka interrupted in a sharp tone, which made Tsuzuki jump from his seat. "I just… I know there's something you want to tell me or that there's something you want, but you're hiding it from me." Hisoka looked directly in Tsuzuki's eyes. "Don't you trust me enough by now that I won't get mad and just walk away? I thought we got passed that barrier already."

"It's not that I don't trust you." Tsuzuki answered and looked away from Hisoka. "I just don't… think you're ready for…"

"Tsuzuki, look at me."

Tsuzuki turned his head to face Hisoka, but avoided his eyes, deathly afraid of what would happen. He knew he was treading on a very thin line right now and what might be said could very easily snap that line.

"Tsuzuki, please look at me…"

He couldn't deny the request after hearing that pleading voice. Fear still wreaked havoc on himself. His insides felt like jelly and he knew he was trembling just a little. And he knew that his shields were lower than they normally were, because Hisoka was looking at him with concern.

Then, something happened that instantly wiped away all fear that had built up on him.

Small arms made their way around Tsuzuki's neck and pulled him downwards. A gasp of surprise slipped by his lips at the sudden action, but he made no move to protest. He let himself relax as he felt a small hand ruffle through his hair and the other pulling him closer to the warm body he was currently using as a pillow. Closing his eyes, Tsuzuki wondered for a moment if he was just having another dream.

"No, this isn't a dream…"

Tsuzuki chuckled to himself. Of course, Hisoka would hear what he was thinking. He did have some telepathic powers as well.

"I just want to know what's been on your mind." Hisoka explained. "I know you might not think I'm ready to hear certain things. I can understand your fears.

"But like I told you before, you won't ever know if I'm ready to deal with something or not till you tell me. You can't predict my every reaction to something. You can assume things, but assuming doesn't get us anywhere and it can sometimes bring more harm than good."

And Tsuzuki knew exactly what Hisoka was referring to.

"So tell me what's wrong. What do you want, exactly?"

"I… It's just…" He ended up trailing off as he felt soft fingers combing through his hair. The gesture was small, but to Tsuzuki, it meant so much. He almost didn't hear what Hisoka said next.

"I'm here, Tsuzuki. I'm not going to run away. Just tell me exactly what you want."

"This."

"What?" The confusion was apparent in Hisoka's voice.

"What you're doing right now."

Tsuzuki felt his fears coming back in full force when he felt the hand suddenly stop its movements. "What do you mean?"

"I just want… more," he managed to choke out.

"More?"

Closing his eyes, Tsuzuki decided again to let his heart do the talking. "I know that we do a lot of things together. But… it doesn't seem like enough to me. There are times where I just… want to reach out and take hold of you and just sit like that for a while and nothing more. There are other times where I just… want more than what I have. And I just…" Tsuzuki took that moment to open his eyes and noticed the shocked expression on Hisoka's face. "Hisoka?"

The young teen didn't move for a minute. The moment of shock must have passed as Hisoka's face went back to unreadable. "Tell me more…"

"Are you sure you're…"

"I'm okay, Tsuzuki," Hisoka reassured him. "Go on. I want to hear more."

A small curt nod came from Tsuzuki before he continued. "You already know how I feel about you. I didn't think it would ever change, but it has."

"What are you trying to say?" Hisoka asked, hoping his voice wouldn't crack. 'What am I getting all upset about? Am I… afraid?'

"It's changed from just wanting your company to wanting… something else." Here, a sheepish grin crossed the man's face. "It's so hard putting these things into words. But I want to be closer to you."

"Aren't we close to each other now?" Hisoka questioned.

"Well, of course we're close now. But…"

"But?"

"I just want to be more than… a best friend or a family to you. I want to show my love for you in… other ways."

"What sort of ways?"

A blush crossed Tsuzuki's cheeks here. How was he going to explain this to Hisoka without stuttering and sounding like a total fool?

Hisoka must have caught on though, as he nodded his head. "I thought so."

"Huh? Hey, were you just teasing me!?"

A small smile crossed the young teen's lips. "More like testing you." The smile faded as soon as it came. "I'm not as ignorant as you take me for, Tsuzuki. It's just… this is all so new to me and I don't want to do anything wrong…"

"You can't do anything wrong," Tsuzuki remarked. He rolled himself over from the position they were in so he could look at Hisoka's face. "I just don't want to rush you. I mean, I don't know how you are with… this kind of thing…"

"Physical intimacy." Tsuzuki winced at the bluntness of Hisoka's reply. "Tsuzuki, listen to me. I know what happened to me…" Hisoka paused as a shiver ran through him. Tsuzuki opened his mouth, but Hisoka shook his head, not wanting to be interrupted. "I accepted what happened to me back then. I know it wasn't the same as what we have right now." His left eyebrow lifted. "And you're nothing like Muraki, so you might as well get that thought out of your head right now."

A chuckle escaped Tsuzuki's lips, but he stopped as Hisoka leaned forward. Hisoka's eyes were targeted onto his own, as if they were searching for something.

"I'm not going to let what Muraki did to me ruin any sort of chance of a physical relationship. I can't let what he did run my life. It doesn't make me hate him any less, but if I did that, then it would show that he still has power over me and…" Emerald eyes closed shut and Tsuzuki felt Hisoka quiver slightly.

"I know, Hisoka…" Tsuzuki answered, running his fingers through Hisoka's hair. "I just don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable…"

"I'll let you know if I feel uncomfortable. Besides that, there's an underlining difference between what happened to me back then and what's between us…" Hisoka brushed his fingers across Tsuzuki's cheeks and smiled. "What if I told you that I've been feeling the same way as you do?"

Hisoka almost laughed when he saw Tsuzuki's cheeks becoming red. "W…what do you mean?"

"Now you know how I feel when you do that to me," Hisoka answered bluntly. When Tsuzuki's eyes widened and gaped like a fish, he couldn't hold back his laughter. He expected Tsuzuki to pout and whine about being laughed at. But he was ill prepared for what he did say.

"Hisoka… I think that's the first time I've seen you laugh before…"

The mirth that was in the room started to die out. "Is it wrong to laugh now?"

"No, no, of course not!" Tsuzuki replied immediately and shook his head. "But it's just so strange to see you like this. Not in a bad way, of course! But… it's just that… I've never seen you so open before."

"I trust you. I know it's a short answer, but it's just the simple truth."

"I think I understand though," Tsuzuki answered with a smile, leaning in close to Hisoka, that their foreheads were touching. Hisoka sucked in a breath at the warm feelings coming from his partner. "I'm just… I'm so glad that you've come to trust me. It means a lot to me."

And Hisoka knew Tsuzuki's words ran true. For as long as Hisoka could remember, he always pushed Tsuzuki away, deathly afraid of being hurt and left alone. But what would have hurt him the most was being betrayed by Tsuzuki.

But coming to live with him in the past three months, he came to realize that Tsuzuki would never leave him. How could someone, who only wanted him to open up and cared for him deeply, betray him?

Tsuzuki was never a person who would intentionally hurt people or cause them harm. In fact, Tsuzuki was probably the only person Hisoka knew that cared for people on a deep level, putting their needs before his own.

Which he was doing right now. Holding back what he wanted to do, out of respect for Hisoka's past. Feeling deathly afraid that if he crossed a line that Hisoka wasn't ready for. Feeling that if he crossed that line, it would be the one thing that would make Hisoka leave him.

'It's so silly that both of us fear one of us leaving other. Both of us share the same fear, but with different reasons.'

But the fear needed to be conquered. And not just on Hisoka's part alone.

"You do trust me, don't you?" Hisoka asked.

"Of course I do!"

"Then… trust me enough to know that I'm not going to leave you. And that you can talk to me too and tell me what's on your mind. And… I'm certainly not going to leave you if you want something. You just need to tell me, instead of making me guess, because you never know if it's okay or not if you don't tell me.

"Promise me from now on, if you want something or want to do something, you'll tell me?"

A smile crossed Tsuzuki's lips. "I promise…" His eyes started to sparkle with innocence and curiosity of a child. "Then you don't mind if I…"

"No…"

And when Hisoka felt Tsuzuki's lips brush across his own, there were no more words needed then, that one simple action conveying more than what words could ever do.

-

Not much changed between Hisoka and Tsuzuki. The days went by as they normally did; only there was an occasional hug or cuddle from Tsuzuki, who seemed to take great joy at doing that to Hisoka when he least expected it. Like hugging him when he had his back turned or when he was in deep thought and sometimes at work, which earned him a whack on the head.

Right now, Hisoka was comfortable with hugging and cuddling with Tsuzuki, but not openly out in public. He could see the smirks and the quiet laughter from people around him and from his fellow co-workers (which, of course, Tsuzuki seemed to be oblivious to) and it made him feel uncomfortable.

Whenever he brought it up to Tsuzuki, he would simply laugh and say, 'Awww, they're just jealous!' or 'You shouldn't think so much into what others think.' The first one earned him a slap, but when Tsuzuki told him not to worry about what others think, he didn't have the heart to counter or berate Tsuzuki, because partly, he was right. But he was wrong too; as it just wasn't proper to be intimate out in public, especially not when they were at work!

But it seemed that no one truly minded. Not even Tatsumi, who would show a small smile every time he walked in on them when Tsuzuki was feeling 'touchy feely'. He would then clear his throat and state that they should get back to work and 'save those things for after hours', to Hisoka's total embarrassment. And what made matters worse is that his embarrassment showed on his face, which made him a target to Tsuzuki's teasing.

When they were in the privacy of their home, however, Hisoka didn't mind the attention that Tsuzuki gave him. In fact, he welcomed it, craving the warmth and comfortable feelings from his partner. It felt natural to him. Like his 'home' was in Tsuzuki's arms and that he only felt at 'home' when they were close to each other.

What scared him the most, however, was how much he craved and wanted it. He almost expected Tsuzuki to come seek him out and have a 'cuddling session' with him. What was worse is there were times where he wanted the attention so much that he would purposely seek Tsuzuki out.

When he did though, he never told his true purpose, but made up some sort of excuse. Like looking for a book he misplaced. Or wanting to talk to him about paperwork. And even sometimes asking him whose turn it was to do a certain chore like vacuuming the floor.

He knew that Tsuzuki had to have some sort of idea what he was doing, but he never said anything. He only smiled and stayed on topic of their conversation, never questioning why Hisoka was suddenly coming to him. After that, it seemed like Tsuzuki caught on and would guide Hisoka to the couch.

Sometimes, he would flip on the TV, but most of the time, they sat and spoke to each other about the day's events. Sometimes, they wouldn't say anything at all, knowing words that weren't needed, just simply enjoying the closeness that they shared.

However, after two months of this simple routine, Hisoka noticed that Tsuzuki never went beyond cuddling and hugging; despite the kiss they shared not too long ago. Several times, Hisoka thought Tsuzuki would kiss him again, which made him feel nervous and excited at the same time, but it seemed that Tsuzuki would always pull back at the last second.

Hisoka didn't know whether he should again berate his partner for holding back or if smacking him would have a better effect. He came to the conclusion that neither would probably work. Even if Tsuzuki told him that he wouldn't hold back anymore, he still would, despite the protests, and he always would, unless Hisoka did something different besides talking.

An idea came to mind. He had no idea how Tsuzuki would react to it, though. Perhaps he might even scare him away. However, he decided that the risk was worth it. Better than the standstill they seemed to unconsciously create.

One afternoon on their off day, he noticed Tsuzuki sitting on the couch, seemingly engrossed in a TV program he was watching. He didn't notice Hisoka at all, who walked into the room and sat down next to him. He didn't even notice when the small lithe body slid closer to him. It was when Hisoka grabbed his cheeks, turned his head to look into determined eyes and felt warm lips press onto his own that he finally took notice.

When Hisoka pulled back from the kiss, he almost laughed at the stunned expression that was left on his partner's face. Obviously, he wasn't expecting what happened.

"Hisoka? Why did you…"

"Well, talking didn't seem to work with you. And I don't think I could whack you enough for you to get the message either," Hisoka explained bluntly, trying very hard to maintain a straight face. "So I figured taking the initiative would have the effect I needed." Here, a smile crossed his lips as he observed the hand that touched the lips he kissed not too long ago. Shyly, he asked, "Did it work?"

A return smile came from the older Shinigami. "I was wondering when you would do that."

"Eh?"

"Well… I knew you told me to not hold back. And I wanted to… you know," Tsuzuki explained with a sheepish grin. "But… what I wanted most was for you to come to me."

A scowl crossed Hisoka's face. "You knew then!?"

"I had the theory in mind, especially when you started coming to me for just random inane stuff. It's not like you to do that."

Right then, Hisoka wanted to hide his face in embarrassment. 'All this time, he knew what I was up to…' The best he could do at the time was covering his face with his hands.

"I just had to wait it out little by little, knowing you would get eventually frustrated. And it worked!" Tsuzuki took his partner's hands and tipped his chin up so he could look into his partner's face, which was already red from embarrassment. "Maybe this time, you can follow your own advice too? Without the subtle hints. Besides, there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

"Wanting comfort or closeness isn't something to be ashamed of, Hisoka. I think that, deep down, for a long time, you wanted that, but you were always so… scared of it." Here, he took one of Hisoka's hand in both of his, caressing the knuckle with his thumb. "Being open with yourself and seeking the comfort of someone you care about isn't a weakness, as everyone needs it. And if you want it, I can gladly give it to you. You just need to let me know and how far we should take it…"

Hisoka chewed his lower lip in a nervous gesture. In a way, Tsuzuki's words hit closer to the truth. So why did those simple words make him uncomfortable? And what did Tsuzuki mean by 'how far they should take it'? Was Tsuzuki still afraid of crossing a line between them? Where, exactly, did the line stand between them?

Those simple questions needed answers if he was able to come to the conclusion he needed to come to. He knew the answers lied deep down inside of him, but trying to fish them out was like trying to pry Tsuzuki away from sweets!

Hisoka gave Tsuzuki an affirmative answer with the nod of his head. Right now, he would honor Tsuzuki's request. Maybe doing that would get him closer to what he was seeking. He had confidence that he would have the answer soon enough…

-

Time seemed to flow like a river within the next few months. Fieldwork cases were rare and between and Hisoka knew why Terazuma seemed upset that someone as powerful as Tsuzuki worked in such a slow division as KyuShu, feeling his own powers going to waste when he should be out there, doing his share of work. Then Hisoka remembered exactly what they do and how they affect Tsuzuki.

On the one hand, they ended up cooped up in the office, doing nothing but inane paperwork. But on the other hand, if they did go out into the field and someone died…

Hisoka wasn't sure if he was glad that there seemed to be less cases coming in or annoyed.

When they did have the rare chance to go out with a case, it usually took them a day or so to figure out and then before they knew it, they were back at the office and back to paperwork. This wouldn't be so bad if it was only a few weeks, but it was like this for most of the year! And it started to get on Hisoka's last end.

But when the first case in the month came in and at the end result, Hisoka almost changed his mind about the mundane-ness of life. The case was a simple one; a soul never made its way for judgment. The victim was a young female in her mid teens. Her immediate family was dead, she had only a few friends and her grades in school were average. A normal typical teenager.

The cause of death was suicide…

They found the girl in less than a few hours in a park that she normally walked through when she was on her way home. It didn't help that she was the "typical" angsty teen either, to Hisoka's displeasure. How bad their life had been, how suicide was the only answer, etc. And it didn't help that this teen refused to go with them.

During these cases, it was Tsuzuki who did most of the talking, as Hisoka was far from a people person and when he did the talking once, he lost his temper so badly; they ended up taking a lot longer than was needed. Besides that, Tsuzuki had a way with words and people. People seemed drawn to him in unexpected ways that Hisoka could never find an answer to.

This time, however, the teen was stubborn and flat out told Tsuzuki that there was no way he could understand the choice she made. Hisoka was just about ready to just drag the girl back to Meifu, but Tsuzuki raised his hand. He explained to Hisoka that they needed a few minutes alone to talk, and they walked a few feet away from him. Hisoka couldn't hear the conversation between them, but he was able to pick up the emotions. However, tonight, Tsuzuki's shields seemed to be raised quite high and for the life of him, he couldn't pick up a damn thing. However, the girl had no empathic shields and he concentrated on her.

The first emotion he picked up on was anger. Well, that seemed reasonable, given the way she was recently. The second emotion was shock, which made Hisoka wonder what exactly Tsuzuki said at the moment. The next emotions he found were grief and extreme guilt and they were so strong that Hisoka had to put his shields back up before he got overwhelmed by it. Not too soon after that, however, Tsuzuki walked up to him with the girl in tow, having decided she would go with them.

At the time, Hisoka didn't ask what Tsuzuki said to the girl. It wasn't until they were in the privacy of their home that Hisoka asked Tsuzuki about it. And of course, like Hisoka predicted, Tsuzuki managed to avoid the subject at hand with quirks and 'it's not important, what matters is the results' routine. Before Hisoka could open his mouth to demand an explanation, Tsuzuki stated he was going to take a shower; walking to the bedroom and closing the door, leaving the tension between them linger in the air.

It wasn't unusual for Tsuzuki brush off Hisoka when it came to talking about these types of things. In the past, there were times when Hisoka wanted to desperately talk to Tsuzuki about him. Back then, he would always tell himself that it wasn't any of his business and that in due time, Tsuzuki would be willing to share or talk to him.

Now, however, that excuse just didn't cut it anymore. Especially considering how much closer they've become. And it wasn't fair for Tsuzuki to keep everything inside either.

So Hisoka sat down on his bed and waited patiently for Tsuzuki to come out. He did have a feeling that Tsuzuki knew that he was waiting for him. Tsuzuki usually only spent thirty minutes, at most, in the shower, but he didn't come out for almost a hour, which made Hisoka wonder for a moment why his skin wasn't crinkled like a prune.

One look in Tsuzuki's amethyst eyes and Hisoka knew what had happened. And it wasn't because Tsuzuki got soap in his eyes either.

It was so hard to confront Tsuzuki on these matters, especially when he was trying to avoid it. One wrong word or one wrong move and they could end up taking a step backwards instead of forwards. If Tsuzuki got it into his head that he didn't want to share his thoughts and feelings to spare someone the pain, then he stuck by it for a very long time.

However, Hisoka wasn't going to have none of that anymore.

His emerald eyes watched his partner walk to the dresser, looking through for a fresh change of clothes. Finding them, he sat down on his bed, not taking any notice of Hisoka, but it was obvious that Tsuzuki knew Hisoka was watching him. After putting on a fresh pair of pants, he finally looked up, a smile on his face.

"What? Do I still have soap in my hair or something?" He asked jokingly. Hisoka, however, saw right through Tsuzuki just then. The smile that reached his face but not his eyes…

And in that moment, something seemed to snap inside of Hisoka.

Getting up from his own bed, he walked over to Tsuzuki, the false smile fading slightly. He felt a tiny bubble of fear rise in Tsuzuki just then, and then total shock as Hisoka pushed him down to the bed. Amethyst eyes widen in panic as the teen loomed over him, his eyes locked onto their counter-part.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop hiding yourself from me?"

"Hisoka… I'm not…"

Hisoka shook his head. "You're hiding what you're feeling right now, what happened with that girl. I know you said something to her that made you get upset. Do you…" He had to swallow the lump that seemed to form in his throat before he continued. "Do you not trust me still?"

"It's nothing like that!" Tsuzuki countered quickly, turning his head away. "I just… I don't want to drag you down or make you upset." A sigh escaped his lips as he continued. "I don't want to chase you away either…"

Cupping Tsuzuki's cheek, Hisoka looked at his partner and sighed. "You're not going to chase me away or anything of the sort. You're always there to comfort me when I'm feeling upset. Did you ever turn away from me then?"

"No…"

"Then get it through that thick skull of yours that I'm not going to do that either." Hisoka answered, pushing himself up to sit on the bed. He looked at the wall, sighing to himself as Tsuzuki sat up at well. "I'll always be here to listen to you, just like you are for me…"

"I…" Hisoka looked at Tsuzuki, noticing the faraway look in his eyes. "The girl said I couldn't possibly understand why she did what she did, but I only knew too well. I told her how I wanted desperately to die, but couldn't. I…" He looked down, clamping his hand over his right wrist, a small tear escaping one of his eyes. He wiped it away and laughed hollowly. "Look at me, a grown man crying over something that happened over seventy years ago." He shook his head, the false smile appearing back on his lips. "But I'll be…"

A pair of arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him down interrupted that thought. Not being able to hold back his tears anymore, Tsuzuki let them flow down his cheeks as he buried his face into Hisoka's shirt, clinging to him as if he was his lifeline.

"It's… okay to cry, Tsuzuki," He heard Hisoka whisper as he felt a hand comb through his hair. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Take as long as you need."

And Tsuzuki did just that. He cried, letting all the inner turmoil of that moment out then. He cried, cried till he thought he had no tears left, but somehow, they still managed to fall from his eyes.

His chest started to hurt too and he wondered how long he had been crying for. How long had it been since he really had cried like this?

But this time, it was different. The warm body next to him, whispering comforting words in his ear, fingers running through his hair…

And then, the tears stopped. Bringing his breathing back to some sort of level, he looked up into emerald eyes.

"Feel better now?"

Tsuzuki nodded his head, looking back down. "It helped… Thank you, Hisoka…"

Hisoka smiled and started to pull away, to go to his own bed. The small whimper he heard from Tsuzuki stopped him. "Tsuzuki?"

"Can you… please stay with me? I… don't want to be alone right now…"

He expected Hisoka to say no. He expected a blush to spread across those pale cheeks. He expected Hisoka to say 'You're not alone, I'm right next to you' and still go to his own bed. He expected Hisoka to call him an idiot and stomp out of the room in anger.

What he didn't expect was for the boy to smile at him and pulling him down to the bed, spreading a blanket over them. He blinked a few times and wondered if Hisoka was teasing him or if this was just another one of those tricks his mind liked to play on him as of late.

"Idiot…" He heard Hisoka murmur. "Just go to sleep."

Not wanting to disobey Hisoka, he closed his eyes, falling into the ebbs of slumber, a smile on his face and for the first time in a while, feeling content.

-

Days turn into weeks, which turn into months and soon, Hisoka realized, that an entire year had passed since that "fateful day". It seemed more like a distant dream to him, and sometimes, he wondered if Tsuzuki's confession really happened.

'So much has changed…'He thought while looking out the window into the night sky. 'No, it's more like I've changed. Tsuzuki… really isn't any different. Maybe a little less scared about being open with his inner feelings. But me…'

Looking down at his hands, he sighed quietly to himself. 'When is it that I started to change? I could say it goes as far back to when I first met him in Nagasaki. But over this past year, it's been… different.

'I let him get away with things that I never used to let him get away with before. I've… grown soft. I talk to him more often than I did before. I've… done things that I never thought or promised myself I wouldn't do.

'What is it that you do that affects me so?'

Biting his lower lip, he shook his head as if to clear his mind. Although it's been a year since then, he felt he was no closer to the answer he was seeking. It was extremely frustrating, because deep down, Hisoka knew he had the answer, but he couldn't figure it out. Like a distant memory that someone desperately wishes to remember, being on the edge of their mind, but not being able to consciously grasp it.

Hearing the sofa being moved brought his attention back to reality. Tsuzuki was pushing the sofa to the back of the room. It was just then that he noticed that the small table and the chair, along with the TV, were moved to the walls too. A scowl crossed Hisoka's face as Tsuzuki turned to him, a goofy grin on his face.

"Idiot, what are you doing moving the furniture around?"

Waving his finger, Tsuzuki shook his head, the grin never leaving his face. "For room, of course!"

"Room for what?"

It was then he noticed that the small, outdated stereo that Tsuzuki had was on. Outdated was an understatement, as it still had a turntable on it. Off to the side was a record.

Hisoka always wondered why Tsuzuki kept records of music instead of buying CDs. Maybe it was because of how long Tsuzuki lived. Sometimes, Hisoka noted, that elderly people wouldn't part with the things of their past, even though modern technology was vastly superior. Although Tsuzuki was far from looking elderly, technically, he was almost a hundred years old.

It was one of those situations that Hisoka would probably never understand until he was of that age. Inwardly, he winced thinking about it.

He was so wrapped up in thinking that he didn't notice the music that filled the room until Tsuzuki tapped him on the shoulder.

"Thinking about something?"

"It's… not important. What's up with the waltz music?"

Tsuzuki's eyes seemed to light up at the question as he grinned. He took a small bow. "If it would please, my lord, to have this dance?"

Hisoka just stared at Tsuzuki, as if he had gone mad. "What?"

"I asked, my lord, if it would please you to be my dance partner for tonight."

"Stop talking like that!" Hisoka scowled, his cheeks turning slightly red.

"Oh, come on, Hisoka! I was just kidding around with you. Come on!" Tsuzuki answered, tugging on Hisoka's hand.

"What?"

"Dance with me."

Hisoka knew Tsuzuki liked to dance. During the second case of their partnership, Hisoka learned that Tsuzuki knew how to dance. He had seen Tsuzuki dance on occasion, from an old fashion waltz to modern day dancing, although Tsuzuki tended to favor ballroom dancing above all else.

And from the music that Tsuzuki put on, it seemed tonight, he wanted to waltz. However, Hisoka had no interest, let alone desire, when it came to dancing.

"No." Hisoka instantly answered. This time, the tides decided to turn and it was Tsuzuki now doing the scowling.

"Come on! It'll be fun!"

"I… can't dance," He used as an excuse. "Especially not some old fashioned waltz you have in mind."

"Then I'll teach you."

A sigh escaped Hisoka's lips. "Do I even have a choice in this matter?"

"Nope!" Tsuzuki piped, tugging Hisoka to his feet. "So get up and get it over and done with!"

"Alright already! Stop tugging on my hand!"

An eye roll came as Tsuzuki pouted and mumbled something about 'Hisoka being cranky tonight'. Hisoka was tempted to walk away, but settled with a scowl, as Tsuzuki would just find some way to drag him back. When Tsuzuki wanted to do something…

Hand in hand, Tsuzuki guided Hisoka to the center of the room, the smile on his face never faltering. He looked up at Tsuzuki, biting his lower lip, unsure of what to do.

"We'll start out simple. First, place your right hand on my shoulder," Tsuzuki instructed, to which Hisoka complied with. "Then place your other hand here." The spot where the other hand was to go was near Tsuzuki's waist, which caused the young teen to blush, but kept his face turned towards the ground. "And I'll lead."

Hisoka nodded his head, his eyes glued to his feet as he felt himself being led into a brisk, but light dance. Nervousness started to bubble to the surface, frightened of stepping on Tsuzuki's feet or scared of something else, he couldn't say. A hand cupped his chin and forced his face upward.

"Keep your face upwards. The more you look at the ground, the more likely it is that you will miss a step," Tsuzuki explained, his smile gentle. A nod came from the teen and from the soft laugh that came from Tsuzuki; he knew he was still blushing.

"Hisoka, just relax. You're not going to step on my feet. You're doing fine."

Hisoka nodded his head again, but that still didn't quench the bubble of worry inside of him. And it didn't help that he found himself slowly pressed closer to Tsuzuki.

The music in the background was soft, and even though when the first song ended, they danced right into the next song, which was typically a soft slow song as well. Although the songs themselves were different, the melody in the air was the same. For the time, Hisoka's mind drifted away as he felt himself being taken away by the song and the soft emotions that he felt from Tsuzuki.

Hisoka lost track of the time they spent dancing. Time really didn't seem to fly by to him, but when he looked at the clock again, he realized that they've been dancing for over an hour. He mildly wondered why his feet didn't ache and he also realized that he wasn't as tense when he first began.

"That's good, Hisoka," He heard Tsuzuki whisper to him. "See, you're a natural. Sure you've never danced before?"

"No, I haven't."

"Hmmm, we must be really in sync," Tsuzuki murmured. He suddenly bent his head down and whispered, "Or your feelings of love for me are strong tonight."

Hisoka's first reaction to that was to whap him and call him an idiot ten times over. Especially for ruining the moment that they were sharing currently. But just as he was going to pull away, he looked at Tsuzuki's face, and unlike the times he usually teased him, not a goofy grin or any thought of joking around with him in sight.

'Is he being serious, or is this just another one of his games?' Hisoka wondered. He noticed that they had stopped dancing and that the music had stopped, the only sound in the room was the occasional skip of the record.

"Tsuzuki?" He tentatively asked, unsure really of what to do now.

"You remember what I said back then to Hisae? About your dance partner?"

"Huh? I'm not sure…"

"That if you wanted to dance well, you had to fall in love with your partner."

And suddenly, with that one sentence, everything seemed to click inside of Hisoka's head in that one moment.

He loved Tsuzuki. That much was obvious to him. But now, he knew just how deep that love ran.

The pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall together and come together. It was so obvious to Hisoka that he felt like the biggest idiot in all of Meifu right then. The glances that he gave to Tsuzuki from time to time, the reason why he was opening up more and more to Tsuzuki, why he let himself get dragged around by him, why he always insisted to Tsuzuki to open up to him more, wanting to be near him…

So why did it take him a year to realize this simple fact?

And even then, he had the answer. He was deathly afraid. No one in his life had ever been as kind as Tsuzuki. Sometimes, he thought that Tsuzuki was just a figment of his imagination, although that seemed overtly silly.

Betrayal and hatred had been a daily occurrence in his life before he came to Meifu. Too many times had he been sucked into the emotions of others who loathed him and would lie right to his face. And he couldn't prevent himself from being caught up in those emotions, having no idea how to control his powers at that time.

But if that hatred and betrayal came from Tsuzuki… Hisoka realized that it would've hurt him much more than if it was someone else. Just the thought of it made his skin crawl and panic rise up within him. Even though he knew inside of his mind and common sense along with logic told him that Tsuzuki would never betray him, sometimes, emotions didn't follow logic or common sense.

It should've been obvious what sort of love Tsuzuki felt when he wanted to kiss him and express his love in "other ways".

"Hisoka? You've been quiet for a long time, is something… Are you crying?"

It wasn't until Tsuzuki pointed the fact out to him that he realized that his cheeks were wet. Wiping his eyes, he shook his head. "Idiot…"

"What did I do now!?" Tsuzuki pouted. Maybe he shouldn't have brought up the fact about falling in love with your dance partner, but it was true, at least to Tsuzuki. He had no idea saying that fact would upset Hisoka so much…

"Not you. Me."

"Eh?"

Pulling away from Tsuzuki, Hisoka wiped his face again as he looked out the window. "What you just said now…"

"I'm sorry, Hisoka! I didn't know it would make you so upset! I didn't mean it!"

Hisoka turned and looked at Tsuzuki, his eyes watering up again. "Liar… You meant it."

Tsuzuki couldn't think of a counter to that statement. After all, it wouldn't do him any good to lie to Hisoka. Not only would he get mad, he would see right through him.

"I'm really sorry, Hisoka. I didn't think… saying that would get you upset," Tsuzuki whispered, his head lowered. "Please forgive me?"

"You think I'm upset at you?"

A perk of the head. "You're not?"

A sigh came from Hisoka. "I'm not upset at you. I'm upset at myself."

"Why?"

"Because all this time, the answer was sitting in front of my face!"

"Answer?"

"To how I felt towards you." Hisoka turned back towards the window, his hand resting on the glass. "All this time, it was so obvious to me. It wasn't until you said about falling in love with your dance partner that I understood how I felt. I let my fears get to me. And here, I was telling you not to be scared and trust me…" He shook his head, in taking a breath before continuing. "Anyways, it was that one thing that made everything much more clear to me."

"So why are you so upset?" Walking over to Hisoka, Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka, a frown forming on his lips. "Shouldn't you be happy that you know?"

"I should've known a lot sooner. It was… just so obvious and…"

"Hisoka, it's okay. Sometimes, knowing and recognizing your own feelings takes time." Tsuzuki smiled softly as he tilted Hisoka's face to him. "I can understand what you mean perfectly. About letting fears get to you. I felt like that for a very long time till… you know." Hisoka nodded his head, knowing perfectly what Tsuzuki was referring to. "What's most important is that now you know how you feel. I told you, I would wait forever if I had to, you know?"

A nod came from the young teen as he felt himself blush. "What… happens now?"

The smile didn't falter from Tsuzuki's lips. "Whatever you want to do is okay."

"Why are you always leaving it up for me to lead!?" He glared at Tsuzuki as he poked him in the stomach. "You initiate something for a change!" Shaking his head, Hisoka sighed, walking over to the stereo. He browsed through the records until he found one that he knew Tsuzuki played before. Taking the original record out, he replaced it with another.

"Hisoka? What are you doing?"

Turning around, he looked at his stunned partner for a moment before looking at the ground. "I… want to dance for a little while longer."

"But… this is a record that has mostly slow songs on it." An invitation, Hisoka recognized. That if he wanted to change his mind, he was giving him the offer.

"I know that… Now are you going to dance with me or are you going to keep me waiting all night?"

Laughing softly, Tsuzuki shook his head, wrapping his arms around Hisoka's waist and pulling him close. "Slow dancing is a little bit different than from the waltz I was showing you earlier. Just relax and move your body in tempo with mine."

Nodding his head, Hisoka closed his eyes, letting himself getting caught up in the music and the warm feelings he felt from Tsuzuki. Moving in time with Tsuzuki wasn't hard to do, especially the speed they were going at.

For a while, Hisoka danced with his eyes closed, a little afraid to look at Tsuzuki and not knowing exactly why. His heart was beating faster and his body felt warmer than usual. He felt nervous, that was a given, but something else…

That moment, he looked up at Tsuzuki, who was looking at him, a true smile that clearly showed from his eyes. A part of him desperately wanted his eyes to look in another direction. But for some reason beyond him, he couldn't look away.

He knew he was blushing; he didn't need to look in the mirror to know. But now, he wasn't exactly sure why. And he couldn't find the energy to turn and hide his blush from his partner. He wasn't sure if he wanted to, this time, either, drawn into that hypnotic smile.

"Do I have something on my face?" Tsuzuki asked, the smile not faltering once, his face leaning closer to Hisoka's.

"You just know how to ruin a moment, don't you?"

"You know me. I always have to say something to make you scowl and blush."

"Shut up…" Getting annoyed with Tsuzuki's babbling, he pulled his head down to brush his lips against Tsuzuki's.

The kisses they tended to share were chaste, shy and simple. And this kiss was like every other one. Closing his eyes, Hisoka let himself get immersed in the kiss he started.

Maybe it was because of the music, the closeness of their bodies, or because of the emotions that seemed to be shared between them, but tonight, Hisoka didn't just want one simple kiss from Tsuzuki. And it wasn't till he realized that the kiss he was currently in was turning into something else.

When he felt a tongue brush against his lips, he almost jumped. Peeking an eye open, amethyst eyes looked back at him, pleading, yet fearing the response. When he parted his lips, it was Tsuzuki who jumped a little, and he almost laughed at the irony. When he felt the surprise from Tsuzuki at how Hisoka wasn't hesitating, he did laugh, but it was lost in the kiss.

Parting from Tsuzuki's lips for a full two seconds, he had time to get a small breath of air before he pulled Tsuzuki back in for another. Wrapping his arms around Tsuzuki's waist, he totally forgot what he was doing before, losing himself in his own feelings along with Tsuzuki's.

It wasn't until Tsuzuki whispered, "I thought you wanted to dance," and the skipping of the record again that he realized what he was doing with full conscious awareness.

"We are dancing, just not the type of dance you have in mind."

"Then, shouldn't we do this somewhere more comfortable?" Not letting go of him, Tsuzuki started heading for the couch, but stopped as Hisoka shook his head.

"Not the couch this time," Hisoka answered as he gestured his head towards the door. To the bedroom. And Tsuzuki knew what Hisoka was hinting at and tried very hard to hide his surprise.

"Hisoka, that's the bedroom." Tsuzuki almost slapped himself for stating the obvious, but how was he going to try to convince Hisoka out of this? Was he even ready?

"What? Are you afraid your bed isn't going to be big enough for the both of us? We can use my bed or push the beds together so…"

"No, that isn't what I meant. I… I won't say I don't want to do this. But you… Are you…?"

"You just don't know when to stop babbling, do you?" Shaking his head, he pulled away from Tsuzuki and tugged him towards the bedroom. "If I wasn't sure or didn't want to do this at all, I wouldn't have suggested it to you. If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't get your hopes up only to have them crashing down on you."

Did Hisoka even know what he was hinting at? From the serious look on Hisoka's face, he knew he was perfectly aware of what he was implying. Sometimes, Hisoka proved to be more intelligent than what he took him for.

However, he had to know for sure. Just in case. "But… this is a big leap from what we were doing before, you know?"

"I know. I know where this relationship is going to go. Whether it's tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year, it's going to happen, and I'm not going to run away from it or delay it because of senseless fears!"

Even though Hisoka seemed pretty sure of himself, Tsuzuki could tell he wasn't one hundred percent confident. The look in his eyes and the small crack in his voice gave him away. "It's okay to be scared, Hisoka. I'll admit… I'm a little nervous too." And he realized he wasn't saying this just to comfort Hisoka, but that, in fact, he was the one who was scared. "I've… never done this with anyone before…" When emerald eyes widened in surprise, he asked, "Is something wrong?"

"You… you never slept with another person before!?"

"No."

Hisoka would have fell flat on his face if Tsuzuki weren't supporting him. "You, Asato Tsuzuki, who has almost every single person in Meifu fawning over you, have never slept with any of them!?"

"I didn't ask for their attention!" Tsuzuki defended. Was it really that shocking to Hisoka? "There were times when I thought about it, but it just didn't… seem right."

Recomposing himself, Hisoka shook his head. "Unbelievable. I'm shocked that you managed to dodge all the perverts for this long…" After a pout from Tsuzuki, a small smile formed on Hisoka's lips. "I guess… We'll both learn together then?"

"I said I didn't do this with anyone. Not that I don't know what to do," Tsuzuki answered, grinning as he shocked his partner for the second time. "Just… relax. And if you feel uncomfortable…"

"I'll let you know," Hisoka finished as he rolled his eyes. "Geez, sometimes, you can be too predictable."

"They say the person you love knows you best!" Not wanting to wait for another scowl and angry remark from Hisoka, Tsuzuki guided their mouths together as he pushed Hisoka down to the bed.

Honestly, Hisoka was glad for the invitations that Tsuzuki gave him, even though he told himself ten times over that he really wanted to do this. Just by giving him chances to back out showed him that he was doing this by choice. That Tsuzuki was leaving the decision ultimately up to him.

Parting lips, Tsuzuki took the time to admire the beauty before him. For a long time, Tsuzuki had always thought that Hisoka was attractive. There were many nights where he dreamed of this finally happening. Running a finger down one cheek, he placed small, gentle kisses along the jaw line before trailing down, enjoying the soft sigh that came from the teen's lips.

'This is really much different from back then…' Biting his lower lip, Hisoka closed his eyes. His stomach was doing flip-flops and he wondered if Tsuzuki left the heat on too high, as his body felt warm, but not in a terrible sort of way. His skin tingled and he felt himself shiver when a warm tongue licked at his neck.

"Still taste like vanilla…" Tsuzuki murmured, sneaking one of his hands under Hisoka's shirt, gently caressing the skin underneath. A gasp escaped Hisoka's lips as he leaned into the caress, wondering when his skin became so sensitive.

"Don't you think about anything else but food?"

"Of course I do!" Leaning up, Tsuzuki whispered, "Like you, for example…" before suckling on the earlobe, enjoying the small gasps that Hisoka was making. When he felt fingers running through his hair, Tsuzuki knew he was doing something right.

Hisoka mildly wondered how something so simple as a kiss and fingers gently running up and down his side could bring such pleasure. Before, he would never allow anyone to touch him in such a manner. To him, to touch meant to hurt.

He was suddenly reminded of the time when he read Tsuzuki's emotions the night when he confessed to him. He realized the touch wasn't an intrusion to him anymore. It never really was an intrusion, but because of his experiences, he automatically assumed that anyone who touched him was ready to hurt him.

But with Tsuzuki, it was much different. With others, people wanted to take from him. With Tsuzuki, he wanted to give.

The touch was so alluring that he found his body reacting readily to it. It was something he wanted and craved. Only now, he accepted in his heart that this was what he wanted.

He realized that his shirt was now pushed up as far as it would go. The fingers were replaces by warm lips, suckling and lapping at the bare skin of his abdomen.

'So good…' A thought passing by. Only Hisoka was unsure if it came from himself or his partner. His shields were already lowered, and he couldn't think straight enough as it was. It didn't help that those fingers were trailing upward as well.

And when those fingers lightly brushed his nipple, he heard himself cry out. How could a simple action such as that bring him such enjoyment? He felt a small chuckle against his stomach and a faint trickle of amusement in the back of his mind.

"Do you find something amusing?"

"Not really," Tsuzuki answered, but Hisoka could still feel that trace of amusement in the back of his mind. He felt a tug on his shirt. "Lift your arms for me?"

Hesitantly, Hisoka raised his arms up as he felt the fabric lift above his head and heard it fall onto the floor. He never really showed his body willingly to Tsuzuki before. Although Tsuzuki had told him that he found him attractive, he always feared that if he let him see, he would have second thoughts about it. He squeezed his eyes shut, fearing Tsuzuki's response.

"Hisoka, open your eyes…"

Peeking one eye open, Hisoka looked up at Tsuzuki's face, feeling no hint of disgust. In fact, Tsuzuki's eyes were searching him hungrily, clearly liking what he was seeing. This made Hisoka feel a little better and he released the breath he just realized he was holding.

And before he had a chance to recover his lost breath, those warm lips were back on his own. Instinctively, his hands tangled back in Tsuzuki's hair, pulling him closer. If there was one thing Hisoka liked about Tsuzuki's features besides his eyes, it was his hair. Hisoka would try to find any little excuse to run his fingers through the silky strands, whether it was when he was trying to comfort him, trying to get him to go to sleep, or trying to brush his hair back, since he wouldn't do it himself. It was something he never found himself tired of doing, no matter how many times he did it.

Those lips parted from him once again, and Hisoka found himself whimpering softly, to his dismay. He felt himself blush as he heard Tsuzuki chuckle as he placed small kisses down the neck again, licking and nibbling where he could. With his free hand, Hisoka started to unbutton Tsuzuki's dress shirt, wanting to feel the warm skin under his own fingers.

He wasn't prepared when Tsuzuki took one lick at his already pert nipple before suckling it between his lips. His eyes widen as he pressed his body towards Tsuzuki, as if he wanted to melt into him, a wave of arousal washing over him. A shiver of pleasure ran through him as well and knew it was coming from Tsuzuki, delighted from Hisoka's own response.

It was getting harder and harder for Hisoka to distinguish his own feelings from Tsuzuki's now, he realized, as he felt Tsuzuki nuzzle his stomach with his cheek before lapping at the skin there, his tongue dipping into the navel. Clearly, Tsuzuki got as much satisfaction giving pleasure as Hisoka receiving it. He wasn't all that sure if he minded, Tsuzuki's emotions were just as tempting as his touches.

When he heard the sound of a zipper being pulled down, Hisoka felt a little nervous. He wasn't sure what frightened him more, the fact that he was going to be fully exposed or the fact that he was willingly letting himself be exposed.

Tsuzuki must have caught on, as he suddenly looked up and asked, "Is this okay?"

A small laugh escaped Hisoka's lips, thinking how silly that question was. "If it wasn't okay, I would have stopped you."

"Nervous then?" Tsuzuki asked, slipping his hands inside the pants.

"A… little."

"I'll have to change that. Can you lift your hips for me?" Hisoka complied with the request and felt his jeans and undergarment being pulled off at once, biting his bottom lip. A hand cupped his cheek, turning him to look into amethyst eyes. "Beautiful. Hisoka, you should never feel ashamed of your body, if that's what you're thinking."

"How did you…?"

"The fear in your eyes is the same as before. Besides, true beauty comes from within yourself and that's where you shine."

Rolling his eyes, Hisoka asked, "Are you going to keep reciting something out of a romance novel or are you going to kiss me again?" He tried his best to sound angry, but he knew the smile on his face was giving him away.

"So mean…" Tsuzuki mumbled before claiming his mouth once again, his hand trailing downwards.

Hisoka closed his eyes and knew what Tsuzuki was going to do. It didn't help that memories of the past were coming back to him. Knowing better than to get caught up in memories of the past, Hisoka concentrated on the emotions that were surrounding him. Warmth and luscious, that was the best way to describe them. And as suddenly as the memories came, they faded away like a background buzz. Trying to distract himself from the memories completely, he finished unbuttoning Tsuzuki's shirt.

Hisoka gasped into the kiss he was currently engaging in at the first featherlike touch on his erection. He knew his skin was already sensitive from all the foreplay Tsuzuki provided for him, but he had no idea that one simple touch would be this enthralling, sending shivers throughout his body. He found himself trusting his hips towards the hand, a desperate need building up inside of him. A distant chortle floated in the back of his mind and he knew Tsuzuki was finding this situation amusing.

"Like that?" Tsuzuki whispered, wrapping his hand around the erection, a grin on his face. Hisoka tried to say the retort that was on the tip of his tongue, but that hand was proving to be quite the distraction, and all that came out was a moan. Hisoka knew he was doing this on purpose, a sense of triumph practically radiating from Tsuzuki. But more than that, he could feel the bubble of delight too; apparently Tsuzuki was pleased he could get this sort of reaction out of Hisoka.

Finally managing to catch his breath, Hisoka opened his eyes, watching Tsuzuki slinking downwards and settling between his legs, slipping his shirt off his shoulders. Amethyst eyes locked onto emerald eyes for a moment before looking down.

Hisoka was just about to ask what Tsuzuki was doing, but he never got the chance to as he felt that warm, wet tongue upon him, licking from the bottom to the top. Biting his lips, Hisoka tried very hard not moan, to give that satisfaction to Tsuzuki, but failed as those warm lips wrap around the top, slowly in taking him into his mouth. And he knew he cried out again, hearing his echo across the room.

'So good…' Again was the thought that floated past, but this time, he knew that thought was his own. He was surprised that he could form any coherent thought, those lips and tongue knowing exactly what to do, despite not having any experience. His hands fisted the sheets of the bed, that desperate need wanting release.

"Tsuzuki…" Hisoka managed to gasp out. "Keep that up and I…"

'That's what I want to happen…' Tsuzuki's thought. When he felt a hand caress his inner thigh, he couldn't hold back any longer as he felt himself going over the edge, releasing into Tsuzuki's mouth. He felt his body fall back to the bed as he tried to calm his breathing down. His eyes drifted down to watch Tsuzuki, licking up small dribbles that managed to escape his mouth. A smile crossed his face as he kissed his way back up, nuzzling his face into the crook of Hisoka's neck.

"Was that… okay?" was the tentative question that came from the older man's lips. Hisoka didn't even need his empathy to see the worry in the older man's eyes.

"Idiot, why are you asking that? Of course it was okay."

"I'm glad… so glad…" was the mumbled reply. Shaking his head, Hisoka shifted himself over, reversing their positions, this time, hovering above Tsuzuki. He almost laughed at the surprised expression on his partner's face. "Hisoka?"

"What?" Lifting an eyebrow, Hisoka whispered, "Did you think I would leave you in the state you're in now?" He felt himself flushing, but continued on. "I… want to give what you gave me…"

"You… don't need to force yourself to do so, Hisoka."

The laugh did end up leaving Hisoka's lips then. "Idiot, I'm not forcing myself to do anything I don't want to. And don't try to suppress your real feelings either."

Tsuzuki was about to throw another retort, but was silenced as Hisoka pressed his lips upon his mouth. Hisoka smiled when he felt warm arms wrap around his waist, pulling his body close to Tsuzuki's. He felt Tsuzuki's body roll underneath him, his moan lost into the kiss and found himself moving along with Tsuzuki in tempo. An anxious need to feel and taste the person under him right now started to build up inside him.

After nibbling on the lower lip, Hisoka trailed downwards, alternating between suckling and licking the bare skin underneath him. To him, Tsuzuki tasted sweet; whether it reflected his eating habits or his personality, he couldn't say. He didn't dwell on that for very long. Hisoka liked how he tasted and that was the end of that. But more importantly, he liked the fact that he could give the same pleasure as Tsuzuki gave to him.

In this situation, being an empath had its advantage. Hisoka realized that he knew exactly where Tsuzuki wanted to touch him and what he wanted him to do without telling him. Like the spot at his collarbone calling for attention.

And those nipples were calling out to him now. Using one of his hands, he took one nipple between his index and thumb, squeezing it gently.

"Hisoka!"

Smiling, Hisoka looked down at Tsuzuki, whose head was thrown back, arching his back. He understood why now Tsuzuki liked giving so much. To give meant to bring the other happiness. He was bringing happiness to Tsuzuki, something he always wanted to do, the man deserving it more than anyone else he knew. Perhaps to give was even better than to receive.

As Hisoka looked down, he was suddenly drawn to the other nipple. Giving one quick lick, he completely covered it with his mouth, his tongue swirling around it before he started to suck. A wave of pleasure ran through him as he heard Tsuzuki cry out, running his hand through Hisoka's hair.

"Please… more…"

Slowly, Hisoka ran his tongue down, dipping into the navel area. Lapping up the skin there, he finally reached the waist of Tsuzuki's black pants. And for a moment, Hisoka was unsure what to do. Oh, he already knew the pants had to go, but…

"It's okay… Please…"

That's all he needed before pulling down the zipper and peeling the article away from Tsuzuki. Showering the leg with kisses as he trailed back up, he looked into Tsuzuki's eyes before reaching out, his hand wrapping around erection, giving it a gentle squeeze. A shiver ran up Hisoka's spine as Tsuzuki gave out a long pleasured moan.

"Tables have turned now, hmmm?" Hisoka teased, liking the turn of events now. Tsuzuki opened his lips, as if to answer Hisoka's question, but Hisoka didn't give him the chance, stroking gently, and the only thing that came out of Tsuzuki's mouth was a gasp of breath. Hisoka made a mental note that this method would come in handy when he wanted some peace and quiet.

He felt a hand brush away his own and he looked up at Tsuzuki, puzzled.

"Hisoka, what do you want to do now? Do you want to…"

Hisoka knew what Tsuzuki was implying now. Giving him another choice. That if he wanted to back out, he'll understand.

"I want to…" He found himself whispering before he thought about it.

"There are other… things we can do if you don't feel comfortable yet. You don't… have to do this if you really don't want to."

"Idiot, if I didn't want to go all the way with you, I would've said no earlier." He tried to look angry, but he knew his smile, if not his tone, gave him away.

Shaking his head, a grin on his face, Tsuzuki reached for the night dresser and roamed his hand inside. Clicking his tongue, his hand wrapped around what he was looking for and pulled out a bottle of hand lotion.

"You know what this is for?" Tsuzuki asked as Hisoka nodded.

"I know. For… preparation, right?"

"Yeah. I'm surprised you know that."

"Well…" Hisoka knew he was blushing. "I asked Watari-san about it…"

"You what!?" Was Tsuzuki hearing this right? Cute, stuttering, blushing Hisoka asked Watari about…

"What's so wrong with asking about sex!? I couldn't ask Tatsumi-san, obviously. Watari-san is a doctor, after all, and he was very helpful. I knew something… like this would come up and decided that knowing about it was better than blindly going into it. And he was very understanding too."

"I'll imagine…" Tsuzuki mumbled. Will wonders never cease to amaze him? "If you know about that then, then do you want to be on top?"

The prospect of that was appealing to Hisoka. He licked his lips at the thought of it. But looking into Tsuzuki's pleading eyes, he shook his head.

"No, I want you inside me tonight." He could practically feel the excitement roll off of Tsuzuki as he said that.

There was another reason why though he wanted Tsuzuki to be on top though. He wanted… no, needed to know that being penetrated wasn't a bad thing. He wanted to wipe that fear totally from his mind and right now seemed like the perfect opportunity to do so.

Uncorking the cap on the lotion, Tsuzuki smeared his fingers. Looking back at Hisoka, he whispered, "Just relax," before pulling him down for another kiss.

A small whimper escaped Hisoka as he felt a finger press inside of him. It felt strange and like a slight burning sensation that seemed to expand. He spread his legs a little more, closing his eyes. The burning sensation only got worse as he felt another finger inside, scissoring and stretching him.

Tsuzuki must have sensed Hisoka's distress, as he pulled away from the kiss. "Hisoka, you need to relax. I know it feels… strange, but you need to get used to it. Otherwise, it'll feel a lot worse."

A nod came from Hisoka as he took deep breaths, concentrating as that warm mouth suckled at his neck. The burning sensation was starting to fade to a dull throb until suddenly, one of Tsuzuki's fingers curled at his prostate. He cried out as waves of pleasure wracked his body, his body automatically trying to arch towards the fingers. He felt Tsuzuki laugh into his skin as those fingers slipped out.

"Mmm, ready now?" Tsuzuki asked, still giving a way out of this. But Hisoka was already committed to this. He took the bottle of lotion from Tsuzuki. Getting a fair amount on his hand, he spread it evenly on Tsuzuki's erection. Smiling, Hisoka shifted their position, so that he was on his back again, spreading his legs. Tsuzuki returned the smile before positioning himself at his entrance, slowly pushing himself in.

A gasp escaped Hisoka's lips. The throbbing sensation was still there, but it wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it would be. In fact, it felt… pleasant.

"Tsuzuki…" He managed to whisper as he closed his eyes, wanting to drown himself in the feelings, both physical and emotional.

"Hisoka… Can you… can you call me by my given name? Even if just once?"

Emerald eyes blinked up at first, confused, before he smiled, his hand caressing Tsuzuki's cheek. "Asato…" A soft sigh escaped Tsuzuki's lips as he leaned into the touch. "I'm ready…"

And then, they were moving, slowly at first. Whatever discomfort Hisoka felt at the beginning was gone now. A moan escapes his lips as he leaned his head back into the pillow. He gasped as Tsuzuki's mouth suddenly came down upon his, his tongue plunging in.

The thrusts turned from slow to sharp and fast, and if Hisoka's mouth wasn't currently occupied, he knew he would've heard his cries echoing off the walls. He felt his hand reach down to his erection, as he was being drawn to the edge once again. One of Tsuzuki's warm hands was placed on his own.

Parting his lips, a wail escaped Hisoka's throat, the raw need built up inside wanting release. When he felt a mouth attach to his neck, it was enough to bring him over the edge once again, his orgasm washing over him. Tsuzuki gave one last thrust before he hit his peak, Hisoka feeling another wave of orgasm roll over through his empathy.

Totally drained, Tsuzuki fell on top of Hisoka, a small smile forming on his lips. Pulling out, he stroked sweat soaked bangs from Hisoka's eyes before kissing him on his forehead. "Love you."

"I know. I love you too." And those words came out easily. Because he knew that was true in his heart.

Yawning, Tsuzuki looked at the clock (It was almost two in the morning) and grinned. "Glad today is a Sunday. Don't think I would be able to wake up in time tomorrow to get up for work."

"You're just lazy," Hisoka murmured, sliding close to Tsuzuki as he felt a pair of arms wrap around him.

"I have a reason to be lazy now…" Feeling his eyes droop close, he murmured, "Night, Hisoka." He smiled when he heard a responding, "Night, Asato," before drifting off to sleep.