Locked Heart Four

~*~*~*~

"Tsu… *not!*… big brother." Shoot. I nearly blew our cover.

What's happening to me? Why do I suddenly feel so nervous? It's just Tsuzuki. He won't think of anything malicious about what he saw, will he? Definitely not.

Not Tsuzuki.

But still… I feel so uneasy.

"We need to be early for work tomorrow. Let's go." Tsuzuki calmly speaks, but I can tell he's avoiding my eyes.

"Ye… yes." I answer obediently. "Oh wait!"

I take off the coat wrapped around me and return it to the stranger who, in spite of myself, happens to be the first stranger that I ever allowed to hug me.

"Thank you." I shyly murmur, looking downwards.

"No problem. I'll see you at work tomorrow then." He smoothly takes his coat back and turns away.

And he elegantly walks out of the room.

Tsuzuki soon followed suit, and I tailed behind.

~*~*~*~

The walk back to the apartment proves to be no different from the way Tsuzuki and I have been earlier. Right. If there's one thing that I'll ever remember from this town, it'll be the way Tsuzuki and I happily chatted while walking in the sidewalks. Idiot. I wonder what his problem is. If it's still about me doing this mission despite my poor condition, then I was wrong if I thought he's different. He's just like the rest of them, treating me like some kind of fragile porcelain that'll break anytime.

They all think I'm weak…

They all think of me as a weak, little child…

But… I feel something unusual. There's a new emotion coming from him now. I don't know if it's irritation or annoyance, what's the difference anyway. What's bothering me is it wasn't there before. Earlier today what I felt from him was disappointment, not this. Damn it Tsuzuki, what is it this time?

A few moments have passed, and that emotion's still there.

Damn it.

"Tsuzuki."

He stops in his tracks for a minute, then walks again.

"Tsuzuki." I repeat with a more insistent note.

He stops again, but keeps his back on me.

"If there's something you want to say, say it. Don't tell me it's nothing because I'm sure as hell it's NOT nothing. So spill." I didn't expect to say it that harshly, but I'm too irritated to care.

He still keeps silent. And he still doesn't face me. Damn it.

I take a deep breath to calm my self and try… yes try… to speak more gently.

"Tsuzuki… What's wrong?"

He abruptly turns to me, which totally takes me by surprise, making me gasp. I inhaled rather sharply that it made my chest hurt.

"What wrong? You're asking me what's wrong!? I'll tell you what's wrong! You… you… you slap my hands whenever I try to touch you when all I want is to express affection! You push me away whenever I try to comfort you! And I see you letting some mere stranger HUG you! That's what's wrong!!!" He angrily bursts out, almost yelling at me.

So that's what. All this big fuss just because he saw someone hugging me?

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" I retort.

"It means that I… I… I…" Now he's the one stammering.

"You what?" I ask, letting my curiosity win. If there's something bothering Tsuzuki, I want to be able to help him. It's the least I can do to repay all those he'd done for me.

"I… I think you're acting like a slut!!"

WHAT!!!?

"What… did you say…?" I try to stay composed, but my voice quivers.

"Hisoka… I'm sorry… I…" Tsuzuki tries to explain, waves of guilt gushing from him.

But this time I'm the one who burst out.

"Just because someone tried to warm me up when I was shivering makes you think of me as a whore!!!? You… the last person I ever expected I'd hear those words from…" My voice trails off as I feel my eyelids heating and shuddering with tears I'm on the verge of letting out.

"Hisoka…" Tsuzuki takes a step, inching closer to me, but stops in hesitation.

"How could you…" I voice out, still finding it hard to believe I actually heard what he just said. Before I even realized what I was doing, I ran away as fast as I could. Away from that person who promised me he'll never let anyone hurt me.

Sure. Anyone… but himself I guess.

And I feel tears freely flowing from my eyes.

~*~*~*~

It's a new moon tonight. The surroundings are pitch black. It's not a great help that the lamppost at the corner of his street isn't working either.

And I… hate the dark.

Oh good, there's a bus stop nearby. I guess I'll just go there and sit at the bench for a while.

I feel so tired. And the wound on my right arm is beginning to sting again. I guess everything that happened today really wore me out. I was hoping to go back to the apartment and talk things over with Tsuzuki, to make up with him and everything… then this had to happen.

Great. Now my eyelids are trembling again. Just when I thought I had no tears left to cry, a fresh round of tears once again make its way down my cheeks.

"How could he say that…" I whisper to myself.

"I'm not a slut… am I…?"

Come to me. My puppet..*.

"I'm not yours…" I shake my head in denial…

I gave you the mark, didn't I…*

"This curse…" I hug myself protectively…

Come…*

"Stop…" I clutch my head in defiance…

Let's continue that night…
On the cushion of sakura, embracing under the moonlight...*

"I'm not a slut…" I convince myself…

Come boy...
Into my hand.*

"Shut up… shut up…!!" Banish that voice… that cold, cruel voice…

I'm always by your side… in your body…*

"I'M NOT A SLUT!!!!!" I scream into the night…

And I feel hands wrap around my shoulders.

"No. Of course not. You're not a slut…"

This voice…

A voice I know so well…

"Because…"

No…

"You're my… doll."

~*~*~*~

* King of Swords arc

Translations from Theria.

If some parts didn't make sense, be patient. It'll be explained later. ^^;;