Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monster GX Fan Fiction ❯ Dying To Be Loved ❯ Dying To Be Loved ( Chapter 1 )

Dying To Be Loved

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh-GX or any of the characters from the series.

 

A/N: Okay, I'm trying to get away from doing so many Naruto fics and expanding my skills. Therefore, I figure doing some other anime will help. This is my first GX fic so be nice!

 

Standing on the promontory looking out on the rough choppy sea, ignoring the icy rain running down my skin, all I can think about is your betrayal. I barely notice the sting of the ocean water seeping into the cuts and scraps on my body. I hardly acknowledge the freezing wind throwing a spray of salt in my face. All I can feel is the aching pain of my heart. Why did you have to choose her? Why? I was always there. I was always with you trying to get you attention. I ignored others and gave away the love they were offering me, to pursue you. However, you never seem to care. You ignored me, pushed me away, and always seemed annoyed at my presence.

 

 

Still, I loved you anyway. I stayed with you when everyone was against you. I turned myself over to the Light for you, but still, it meant nothing. You only saw her. She had always been the object of your affection. Even when she threw you aside to pursue someone else, you never gave up. That one of the things I loved about you. No matter what was thrown at you, you always persevered. You were strong and stubborn. You fought hard for what you believed in, even if you pretended to only fight for yourself. I know under your harsh exterior, you really care and that's what made me love you so much. I tried to impress you. Showing off my skills as a mathematician and dueling. Yet, I never turned your head. You were still focused on beating Juudai and gaining Asuka's affection. But, I was still as stubborn as you were. I kept at it. I continued improving myself and I stayed near you. Then, by some small miracle, you began noticing me. It was never much, just small looks and a few harsh words, but it was still progress. Then it turned to intent stares and words with less bite. More amazingly, as time passed you began walking with me from class to class, and when you would brush past me I swore, I saw a faint blush upon your pale face.

 

 

But what surprised me the most was your possessiveness. You were not the only one who began acknowledging me. It seemed like a day didn't go by without someone, male or female, proclaiming their love for me. I always noticed your sudden stiffness whenever a new admirer came by. You'd glare daggers at them, even after I turned them down. However, you never claimed me as yours. Weeks and months flew past and we became friends. We were hardly ever apart; even being in separate dorms didn't stop us from seeing one another.

 

 

Eventually, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to tell you how I felt. I had to tell you I loved you. I jumped from my bed, not caring my homework was half done. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me to the Slifer dorm. “Jun!” I called bursting into your elaborate room. “I have something I have to tell you!”

 

 

I froze when I saw you, my smile slowly fading. “What the hell Daichi!?” Jun cried as he pulled the blankets up to hide his bare body.

 

 

“I thought you locked the door!” yelled an equally bare Asuka, groping for Jun's discarded blazer to cover herself.

 

All I could do was stand and stare. Jun still loved Asuka. He didn't care about me in the least. I felt my throat constricting while tears welled in my eyes. I didn't want to see this. I didn't want to be here. All I wanted was to just disappear and sink backing into my ignorance. I wanted to forget that I ever loved you. Forget I ever knew who you were. I closed my eyes trying to shut out the images of you and her together. I swallowed the lump in my throat and managed to whimper out an apology.

 

 

“I'm sorry Jun-kun.” I squeaked turning away. “I'm sorry for both of us.”

 

 

I ran out of the room ignoring the call of my name. I didn't know where I was going nor did I care. I didn't care about anything now. Not the tears streaming from my eyes, not the cold pounding rain, not the cuts and bruises on my bare arms from the tree branches smacking against my arms, not even my own life. I ran and ran until I came to the edge of the island. That's how I got to where I am now. Standing one this little strip of land, in the freezing rain, and crying my heart out for a man who will never love me. I can feel my body shaking, more from the overload of emotions than from the actual cold. I hate myself for being so stupid.

 

 

Why had I expected him to love me? Why would I have been any use to him? I am worthless, aloof, stern and boring. We're complete opposites. We'll never be together. But, all the same, I can't stop myself from loving you. The more I love you the more it hurts. The more I want you the more my heart bleeds. But I can't stop. I'll always love you, I will continue aching for you, and I'll never have you. The realization hits me like a sledgehammer. Jun will never be mine. He'll never love me the way I love him.

 

 

“But I love you so much” I whimper. The tears begin falling harder as I collapse to the ground. My body feels weak and empty. The pain is unbearable. With every sob and every quiver, I can feel my mind screaming in anguish. I can't stand it. I want it all to end. If this is what my emotions do to me, I don't want to feel anything. Suddenly, I remember the multi-tool in my pocket. Particularly, the sharp knife blade. I pulled out the tool and flipped out the silvery blade. Slowly I ran my thumb across the cold steel. Yes, this would do nicely. With shaking hands, I held my arm out in front of me and brought the blade to rest at the sensitive junction of my arm and hand.

 

 

I closed my eyes trying to stop my hands from shaking. In one quick fluid motion, I drew the knife across my wrist. I held the bleeding wound against my chest as I gasped in pain. It hurt so much but it felt so good. The excruciating pain made me forget all about needing Him. Slowly, the pain ebbed away but the blood still flowed. I placed the knife in my other hand and repeated the process. Again, the pain was agonizing but so wonderful. However, this time when the pain stopped I didn't have the energy to cut myself again. I simply leaned against the lighthouse breathing in short pants. My vision began fading in and out. I was becoming lightheaded and I could feel numbness making its way through my body. I felt as if I was going to be sick. Suddenly, I heard someone calling my name.

 

 

“Daichi! Daichi, you out here?”

 

 

`Jun?' I thought forcing my eyes to stay open

 

 

“Damn it Daichi! Answer me!”

 

 

I could feel more tears forming in my eyes. It hurt so much to hear you calling my name. How many times had I dreamt of you calling for me? I've always loved the sound of my name form your lips, but this time it's just another hot dagger through my heart.

 

 

“Daichi! Damn you, if you don't get your ass out here I'm--- What the fuck did you do!?”

 

 

I can hear footsteps splashing through the puddles towards me. “Daichi! Daichi! Open your eyes!” Jun yelled shaking me. Even now, I can barely feel it as I slip in and out of consciousness. I can hear you ripping cloth and tying them around me wrists, trying to stop the bleeding.

 

 

“Don't bother” I whispered weakly. I know I won't last much longer. I'll be free of you and the spell you've put on me.

 

 

“What the hell do you mean don't bother? Why wouldn't I bother to save your life you dumbass?”

 

 

“I'm not worth it”

 

 

“Where the fuck did you get that idea?”

 

 

“You don't seem to think I'm worthy”

 

Silence. Jun raised his head from his work to see me staring at him with eyes heavily glazed over and rimmed with more tears. “Please Jun-kun, let me die” I pleaded

 

 

“Like hell I will” Jun said back. Damn his determination. Just for once, can't he lose a fight? I'm not worth all this trouble. “Why are you so hell bent on dying Misawa?”

 

 

“Because you love her.”

 

 

“Is that why you're doing this?” Jun asked after a long pause. “Because you want Asuka?”

 

 

For the first time that day I felt my anger flare. Adrenaline began pumping and I felt my energy restored.

 

 

“You dumbass! I loveyou not her!” I yelled. With the final bit of energy, I placed my hands against his chest and pushed him back into the water. As he returned to the surface sputtering and spurting, I flopped down to rest against the lighthouse, panting in exertion.

 

 

“Hey, Daichi,” Jun said pulling himself out of the water amazingly calmly.

 

 

“What?”

 

 

“I love you too.”

 

 

A/N: My first Yu GI Oh GX fic and probably not my best. Forgive me. I might add another chapter if I get enough reviews on this one. It might even become a series. Ya never know.