Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monster GX Fan Fiction ❯ The Ultimate Mary-Sue Crackfic! ❯ Meet & Greet! ( Chapter 3 )

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Chapter 3 - Meet & Greet

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Professor Banner was a freak. That was it. Case closed.
He had an orange tabby-cat named Pharaoh, a German accent, and taught an Alchemy class. At a Dueling Academy. What...the...Hell...
And, unfortunately, he was the Slifer dorm's-room teacher.
Oh well. At least he had a nice ass.
"So...this is new student, Kaede, everyone," he announced to about 40 boys as they all stared emotionlessly back at him. Kaede, to her embarrassment, was sitting up alone with him at his special little table in the front of the room. "Would you like to tell us something about yourself?"
"...no."
She was sure that she could hear frogs croaking.
A tumbleweed blew by.
Banner sweat-dropped as she poked at her food, irritated at how it looked like it was going to go crawling away if she tried to cut it.
"Why is there a girl here...?"
"She can't be that bad of a duelist..."
"This is strange..."
"Like I can't hear you, you idiots," she muttered quietly.
"NEW STUDENT!" a bundle of orange, brown and red suddenly screamed as it crashed into her, nearly knocking her off her seat. "IT'S A GIRL! AW MAN, THIS IS SO COOL! NOW WE FINALLY HAVE ANOTHER GIRL TO CHILL WITH BESIDES ALEXIS!"
"A-Aniki!" screeched a voice. "That wasn't very nice!"
"Lay off her, Jaden!" said another.
"NEW STUDENT!" 'Aniki' screamed again as the boy hugging her tightly around the waist.

"NEW GIRL STUDENT!" Kaede nearly choked trying to get oxygen back into her lungs. "HEY, I'M JADEN! JADEN YUKI! AND I'M GONNA BE THE NUMBER ONE DUELIST!" the bundle screamed in her ear. Kaede twitched.
"Good for you..."
"We're gonna be awesome friends!"
"Joy."
"WE CAN DUEEL! DUEEL! WOOOOOT!" The psycho (Jaden) smiled at her, and she finally got a good look at him for the first time. He was quite the cutie with brownish-reddish hair and big brown doe-eyes. His friends consisted of a small turquoise-haired boy with silver eyes and glasses, and a tall, chunky boy that had a strong resemblance to a koala.
She was just about to ask why these three were even bothering to talk to her, since she was the weird new kid that managed to get into Slifer when it was hardly deemed possible, when Professor Banner swooped over and gave her a leer.
"Ready to see your room?"
"Uh...I guess?"
(Ten Minutes Later:)
"OHMIGOD! THERE'S COCKROACHES IN HERE! HOLY #*^%!"
Life possibly couldn't get much worse.
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Kaede was slumbering peacefully the next morning, in her comfortable outfit of plaid boxers and a white wife-beater. A bright beam if sunlight streamed in through the window, but she couldn't really tell that it was such a beautiful morning since her face was buried in a pillow, and she was snoring uncontrollably.
Until, that is, something brushed against her leg. Kaede slowly opened her eyes. "That had better not be that damned cat..."
For some odd reason, she felt as though someone was watching her.
Sure enough, when she flipped over, sitting cross-legged at the end of her bed was that psycho-kid Jaden, who was cupping his hands around his mouth like a megaphone.

"HOLY MOTHER OF RA--"
“WAKE UP, KAEDE-KUN! You're going to miss breakfast if you don't wake up!” yelled the very loud and very energetic psycho-kid-Jaden.
Of course, she screamed. Quite loudly. And slammed her fist into his face.
Jaden went sailing backwards about a good five feet before crashing against the wall with a dull THUD.
"Wow! What a great wake-up call!"
"Huh?"
Jaden rubbed the back of his head, grinned, and pulled himself up off the floor. "And how are you this fantastic morning? Today is a great day for a duel!”
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she hollered.
"Uh...waking you up?" he replied as though the answer was obvious.
"How did you get in here?!" she screamed like a banshee.
"Oh!" he beamed. "Well, since you're the only Slifer girl, I asked Professor Banner if it would be okay!"
She blanched. Only Slifer girl? Professor Banner saying it would be okay?
"And he said sure!"
"Wait a second. He said it was okay? What in Ra's name is WRONG with these people?!"
Wrapping her covers around her waist, she glared over at him with a look that probably could have even made Seto Kaiba, himself, piss his pants.
"Get out, I'm not dressed! PERVERT! RAPE! I'll kill you! I'll rip your heart out!"
Jaden's eyes widened in terror.
"Get out, get out! I'll kill you--"
Jaden rushed out of the room, and closed the door with a slam, leaving Kaede to fume.
She really couldn't think of anything horrible to do him at the moment, but one thing was for certain.
That kid needed to DIE!
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Syrus noted Jaden's frightened face with a sympathetic expression.
“I told you it wasn't a good idea to go in there, Jay.”
"But Professor Banner-"
"You're such an idiot, Jay."
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Kaede sighed warily and glanced over at the small clock that had come with the room. 8:00. She probably should be getting up. She reluctantly got out of bed, and fumbled around for her new uniform. After facing a ten-minute mental crisis on whether or not to take a nice, relaxing shower that morning, she decided against it.
And why was that?
Since she had to use the gross mixed-gender public shower in order to do it.
And why was THAT?
Because SLIFER'S weren't special enough get their own bathrooms, as Professor Banner had so kindly explained to her the night before. And it turned out that the teacher was a bit of a perv, since the whole time he was basically giggling in her face. Just how old was the guy anyway? Twenty? He looked way too young to be out of college, let alone a teacher!
She threw her hair up in a bun, smeared some eyeliner around her eyes, and glared at her reflection in the dingy, moss covered mirror.
"Oh, Ra, I'm so ugly. I hate myself."
She opened the door slowly, and tossed out one of the crappy boots Miss Midori had given her yesterday, having settled for wearing the flip-flops she smuggled in. When nothing came running out to eat it, she walked out of the dorm without another thought.
"..."
Oh joy.
She could endure it. She COULD! Right?
Still griping to herself, Kaede stormed off toward the cafeteria. Taking a deep sigh of relief at the lack of people still eating food, she grabbed a bagel, smeared some cream cheese on it, and sat down dejectedly at a empty bench. Today's main course appeared to be toast with jam, two eggs, bacon, and rice with a glass of water.
Professor Banner on the other hand, AKA resident creep with the nice ass, had two waffles with strawberries, sausages, and a tall glass of orange juice.
Kaede snorted. “This has got to be a joke."
"KAEDE-KUN!"
No! This couldn't be happening!
"I'm sorry, Kaede-kun!"
"...go away."
"You have to eat more than that, Kaede-kun! Are you anorexic or something?"
"Aniki, you shouldn't ask Kaede-chan questions like that-"
"But, she's not eating, Sy!"
(After breakfast)
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Kaede gasped, eyes growing wide as the door rattled. Sitting up, and panting, she glanced at the door in terror. So much for trying to hide in her room for the entire year. They had found her! Well, she wasn't going down without a fight! She was going to kill whoever was on the other side of that door!
"WHAT?" she all but screamed, slamming the door open, expecting to see the creepy Jaden kid again. Instead, it was a muscular-looking boy, wearing a yellow jacket.
"Well, hello there! I'm--" he trailed off, eyes wide. Wow. Cute accent. British perhaps?
"Uh...what?" she asked, eyebrow twitching. He didn't respond. Instead, a spurt of blood gushed out of his nose, and he fell backwards.
Naturally, Kaede panicked.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH! HE'S BLEEDING!" she shrieked, pointing to the boy that was now reduced to a trembling body on the ground.
"Y-You...seem to be a girl..." the boy blabbed, foaming at the mouth.
Kaede's eyebrow twitched again. He pulled himself to his feet, holding onto his still dripping nose.

"Excuse me, but...n-normally all girls are in Obelisk Blue..." he continued. “What on earth are you doing here?"
Kaede put her hands on her hips. "Huh?"
"Why are you in Slifer Red?"
She tapped her foot. "Oh...the ugly-ass bastard that wears lipstick put me here."
He sweat-dropped. "I beg your pardon?"
"Uh...he said that his name was Crowler and that all the new students go here first," she replied, scratching her head. "I didn't really question him, because, well I'm new...and he was ugly, smelled like fish, and I kind of wanted OUT of there..."
"Huh. So you ARE new..." he trailed off. "But then why in the world are you...?"

Kaede took said moment to try and figure out why his hair looked like a duck's butt.

"Oh, I see now," he finally concluded. "You managed to get on Crowler's bad side, didn't you?"
"How did you KNOW that?"
"Let's just say I've been here awhile..."
"Oh..."
Twitch.
"So...you ARE the new student, then?" he asked, trying to make conversation. "Your name IS Kaede Karaku?"
"I believe we've already established that," she replied dryly, tapping her foot.
"Thank god," he stated, ruffling his hair. "I just thought that you just had a feminine name at the beginning."
"YOU THOUGHT I WAS A BOY?!"
"Well, excuse me, but normally girls are put immediately into Obelisk Blue!" he cried, massaging his temples. "Anyway, I'm supposed to show you to your first period class."
"...uh...thanks?"
There was a moment of silence before his neck suddenly snapped in a crazy way, and he observed her as though he just remembered something very important. And then it struck. Kaede recognized that terrible look anywhere. It was...the dreaded 'Fan-Boy' look.
She tried to run, she really did. But for some reason her feet were stuck to the floor...
"You...got in...without an exam...?" he asked, stars shining in his hazel eyes.
"Oh...that's right..." she remembered suddenly with a yawn, rubbing the back of her head. Rami had gotten her in without them.

"Yeah, that's me."
Unfortunately for Kaede, if it was even possible, the Fan-Boy look increased ten-fold. His eyes bugged out, his mouth dropped open, and he drooled. He moaned, then, bearing a striking resemblance to Frankenstein. "Must...find out how you did it..."
Kaede stared at him in terror.
"No! Get away!" she screeched, trying to stop him from advancing closer. In the end she settled for slapping him as hard as she could.
He shook his head for a moment before blinking rapidly. "Terribly sorry about that."
Kaede trembled.
"Yes, I do that sometimes. Anyway, My name is Bastion Misawa...it's an honor to meet you..."

Kaede twitched. He held out his hand, still covered in drool, shaking it vigorously in hers.

"So...have you been anywhere besides your dorm room yet?"
"Uh..." she sighed, looking at her spit-covered hand with disgust. "Don't think so. See...I'm not quite sure where--"
"Don't worry about it! I'll escort you around right now! We don't have class until 10!" he exclaimed, clasping his hands together excitedly.
Oh wow. This kid was definitely scary...she had to save herself...
"Come on...do hurry up." Suddenly, Bastion stopped, and blushed. "Actually, never mind."
"Huh?"
"It's just that..." he trailed off with a mumble.
"What?" she asked, not having quite caught him.
"Uh, nothing!" he blushed a dark shade of crimson.
Kaede glanced down to where he was looking. What was he-? Was he...checking her out?
THAT PERVERT!
She screamed.
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Two minutes later, they were walking towards the school, Kaede in her new uniform and Bastion with a handprint on his face.

"You know, I'm really starting to like the color red for some reason," she was saying to Bastion with a smile. "It really brings out my eyes, don't you think?"
Bastion mumbled something that she couldn't quite make out, but she ignored it, remembering the LAST time he had.
"Soooo...are the other students here as friendly as you?"
"Some," Bastion replied in a normal tone--thank Ra--glancing over at her, "But some are downright nasty. Especially the Obelisk Blues. They look down on the rest of us like we're garbage...especially the Slifers."
"..."
"...they call you Slifer Slacker's."
Kaede giggled. "Are you serious?"
"Unfortunately."
"Can we call them Obelisk Faggots?"
Bastion sighed. "Well, you could...but it wouldn't behoove you. The Obelisks are highly favored here. The most you'd earn for that kind of lip is a detention."
"WHAT?"
"You'll learn as the year goes on," he said with a reassuring smile. "It goes like this. There are three levels of duelists here. The Obelisk's are the top of the barrel, the best duelists at the academy. The Ra's are the second best duelists at the academy, the middle students if you will, where I am. And last, are the Slifer's, where you are. They're...the worst."
Bastion braced himself, expecting Kaede to scream out in complete rage, but instead, she just rubbed her chin and grinned.
"I guess that they heard of my elite dueling skills."
Maybe now they wouldn't expect as much out of her...she could only hope...
"Uh oh. Look out. Obelisk's at one-o-clock..." Bastion murmured, pointing to their left. "We'd best be careful. It wouldn't bode too well for you, or them, to get in a fight with them your second day on campus..."
Sure enough, a group of boys walked up to them, all dressed in shiny blue trench coats.
"We don't want any trouble," the British boy said defiantly, pushing the Slifer behind him. "We're just passing through."
Kaede made a face. Was this kid for real?
"Ew. They look like robots."
"Well, well. Bastion has a new girlfriend, does he? Looks like he managed to pick himself up a Slifer Slacker," said an extremely pale boy with black hair and creepy green-black eyes.

"Wait a minute...there are no girls here in Slife-" But before he could finish, Kaede broke in, grinning. "Hi!"
The boy just gave her a look. Then he smirked. "I thought you looked different. I see now. You're the new kid."
"Wow. Look at the brain on you," Kaede smirked back.
The smirk on his face quickly disappeared. "WHAT was that?"
Kaede blinked. "Huh?"
"WHAT did you just say to me?" he asked dangerously. Bastion tried to grab her arm but she shrugged him off.
"Nothing. Geez...what's up YOUR ass?"
The two boys standing behind said boy exchanged glances, then each took a step back. An anger vein throbbed on the boy's pointy head.
"Excuse me? Do you have a death wish?"
"Not really," Kaede continued, shamelessly. "Just wondering who managed to get a duel disk that far up there."
"You littl-"
"Look, before you bitch me out, let me give just you in the rundown. I just came here to settle a debt. Ugly Helga here decided that it would be funny to put me in Slifer, even though there are apparently NO other women in there. So now that's where I am, okay? Got a problem with it, goth?"
“Who's Helga?” said one of the boys behind the ringleader to the other.
"Look here, you Slifer Slacker, you may have pulled a few strings and gotten in here without taking the entry exams-"
"You know about that?!"
The boy smirked. "Everyone does if you have connections...so like I was saying before, prissy missy, just because you managed to get your ass in here, it doesn't mean you're better than the rest of us. If you had to go that far, you must be a complete dunce in the duel arena, meaning you really are nothing but a Slacker," the teenager sneered, his friends nodding suite. "And that means you're worthless...whoever put you in Slifer did a real good job. The first girl to be put in Slifer in the history of the academy...it's hilarious. You're going to be pretty popular."
"Wow, that hurt," Kaede replied, rolling her eyes. Their mouths all dropped open.
She turned to the Ra with a breathtaking smile. "So...you ready to take me to class now?"
"O-Of course," he replied, looking impressed.
The boy, on the other hand, looked completely ticked off. "You're not going anywhere, Slacker! You can't just come here and not care that I insulted you!"
"Tch. Looks like I just did," Kaede teased, wagging her finger. "Whatcha gonna do about it?"
"Leave her alone, Princeton," said a cold voice, cutting into the conversation almost instantly, shutting the boy up.
Kaede furrowed her brow. She recognized that voice! But where from...?
Wait a minute.
She twirled around. "YOU!"
Everyone else became quiet.
"...do I know you?" he asked, cocking his head in a confused manner.

"OH, DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE THAT RAN INTO ME!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, pointing an accusing finger at him. "YEAH! YOU DIDN'T EVEN APOLOG-"
Bastion coughed suddenly, trying to get her attention. It didn't work.
The teen raised a manicured eyebrow. "Asshole? Apologize? Run into-?"
His eyes widened a fraction. "You wrote me that note."
"..."
"You're the one that said my deck sucks, weren't you?" he murmured, reaching into his pocket for what she supposed were his cards.
A few people whispered. Bastion started tugging on her arm.
"No, it doesn't suck. It sucks ASS," Kaede commented. "But hey, at least I returned them!"
Bastion's hand found his forehead. Did she even know who she was talking to?
Of course not. This was her second day here. She was SO DEAD.
"You and me," his voice was like ice, eyes burning into hers. "Right now. I'll show you whose deck sucks."
"You mean duel?" Kaede gulped, slowly backing away from what looked like a death wish. "Uh. Sorry, but I don't do duels. They're not my thing."
"Not your thing?" he cocked his head again. "Very funny, Slacker. Get your cards out. NOW."
By now, everyone in the yard had stopped to stare.
"No way!" a random Obelisk girl cried.
"This is the first time HE'S ever challenged anybody, isn't it?"
"Oh man, he sounds PISSED..."
"Maybe that's the reason he punched Tayuya-san yesterday..."
“The nerve of that Slacker saying that his deck sucks. HE'S one of the best second-year duelists!”
Kaede, however, did the one possible thing any girl that sucked at dueling would have done in this situation. She grabbed Bastion by the arm and proceeded to drag him away, leaving the white-haired boy standing there, fists shaking.
"You know...you'd be pretty cute if you didn't--" she called back to him, but before she could finish Bastion had slapped his hand over her mouth.
"Are you demented?!?" Bastion hissed when they were finally far enough away from the crowd not to get mauled, nursing his hand gently. He had let her go when she decided to bite him. "I thought that I told you not to go and pick a fight with the Obelisk's?!"
Kaede regarded him with a simple look. "Whatever! He just talks big! I bet you anything that I could kick his ass in a real fight!"
"I honestly doubt that," Bastion snapped back. "Gideon has a horrible temper, and now he's going to be after your blood until he leaves this island!"
"Uh...who's Gideon?"
"The boy you just insulted."
"Wow. What a gay name."
He stared at her sadly. "You shouldn't be saying that. He's one of the better duelists at this school."
"What, he's the not THE best?" she said in a mocking voice. "Must be doing horrors on his ego."
The British boy cradled his face in his hands. "You know, you should just be grateful that that wasn't Zane!"
She rolled her eyes. "Oh wait, let me guess. HE'S the best duelist? Does he have a stuck up his ass, too?"
Bastion just massaged his temples.
"Oh geez, don't tell me you're afraid of HIM, too. Don't be a pansy."
Bastion flushed. "I'm not a pansy! I am just saying that-"
Ring-ring!
"Oh...must be Bakura...excuse me for a minute," she sighed, flipping open her phone to observe what was written.
Hey there. Any cute guys? Oh, by the way, guess wut you have tomorrow? It's a test. I hope you studied. Lovies, Bakura.
Twitch, twitch.
Bastion swore that he could feel the ground tremble. He could see the flames dancing in her eyes.
Okay...so maybe she COULD take on Gideon...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !"
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Class. About duel monsters. Also known as boring as hell. Who the HELL would want to waste their money on THIS?
She had only been in there for ten minutes, and Kaede was already bored out of her mind. Professor Banner was busy rambling on about duel monster cards or something. She glanced up at the top row of students and saw Bastion already taking various notes. She suppressed the urge to groan. This was going to be a long year.
Bastion, seeming to have realized that she was staring, smiled down at her apologetically.
She flicked him off. He glared back, and then did the same. Then he smirked.
She grinned.
Scratch that. She had already made a friend. And he seemed like a brainiac. This was going to be a good year.
Suddenly, without warning, something hit the kid she had been sitting next to in the back of the head. (Turned out to be the little turquoise-haired kid that she had met the night before.) It looked like a balled-up note. He opened it up, closed it quickly, and looked ready to burst into tears. He quickly dropped it onto his desk.
Kaede, being the nosy freak that she was, took it upon herself to look at the note. The boy let out a cry, and grabbed for it, but she had already seen what it said.
You suck, Slifer Slacker. Go DIE!
"Alright...whoever wrote this is DEAD!" she suddenly found herself glaring heatedly over at the Obelisk Blue group. She had totally just interrupted the class, but she didn't care. If there was anything she hated more, it was when people made fun of others. For some reason it just pissed her off. And he had been nice to her last night.
Turquoise boy squeaked. Bastion's eyes were wider than plates. Creepy Jaden blinked.
"Who was it?" she snarled. "Better fess up right this minute!"
"You can't just assume it was US!" the jerk she nearly bitch-slapped said back, glaring daggers down at her. Turns out his name was Chazz Princeton and he had connections, too. Everyone else was quiet. Even Banner wasn't speaking, even though attention and authority was rudely taken from him. "Just because you came here without taking the entry exams," he snapped. "Doesn't mean that you can jump to conclusions like that...Slifer Slacker."
"He's right!" a snooty-looking girl with blonde hair shouted back, flipping her abnormally long hair behind her head.
"Oh yeah?" Kaede said. "Well I can PROVE that one of you wrote it! Who else calls the students here Slifer Slackers, you ass?"
The rest of the class started whispering to each other.
"SHE'S a Slifer?"
"No!"
"How did she get put in such a low group if she got past the exams?"
"No way. She doesn't look like she belongs in Slifer..."
"Uh huh...can't prove it, darkie!" the blonde bimbo tittered.
"Oh, shut up, Buck Teeth!" Kaede snapped back. Who did she think she was calling 'darkie'?!
The blonde girl flushed, and covered her mouth with both hands. She really did have rather large front teeth.
Kaede turned to Turquoise boy. "What's your name, hon? Don't think I ever got it."
"S-Syrus."
"Okay, then! You do ANYTHING to Syrus again, and blood will be shed."
Suddenly, her evil face was replaced with a smile.
"You can go back to teaching now, Professor!"
Banner sweat-dropped.
"Miss Kaede..."
"Yes, Professor?"
"...see me after class."
"Shit."
It seemed that the whole incident was forgotten about ten minutes later. Kaede and Jaden had both fallen asleep, Bastion was still taking notes, and Syrus was trying to pay attention. Really, he was. It just wasn't working.
However, one person in the room was still staring down at Kaede, and no one had noticed him yet. He couldn't place it, but there was a strange feeling that had somehow taken hold in his lower gut. He stared at her some more, intently studying her features. She had black hair that hung down in waves. They may have been closed, but that did not change the fact that he could still see those lavender eyes flashing in a passionate anger...they were so full of life...
She was the new student.
She had entered without taking an exam.
And she was sleeping in the middle of class.
A small smile appeared on his face.
He wanted to duel her.
Badly.