Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction / Hamtaro Fan Fiction ❯ Return of the Duel Hams ❯ E.T.'s got nothing on these guys ( Chapter 14 )

Lazuli's appearence to the clubhouse was welcomed by all, and after a few intros and how-do-you-knows, business resumed like usual in the clubhouse. "It's been a while Laz, find any nice gemstones?" asked Boss.

"No, I haven't been so lucky." Lazuli answered sadly. "The treasure hunting deal isn't good at the moment."

"Well that just means that it's time to whip out your card dueling skills." said Stan.

"Looks like, huh?"

 

"So Dex, you holding up?" asked Jam.

"Slightly." Dexter answered.

"So what did you think of the duel?"

"It was one-sided."

"And what are your thoughts about the tournament?

"No clue."

"I see."

Dexter stepped away from Jam and managed to pull Hitomi aside. "So how is she?" Despite his calm come out during the duel, Dexter was still concerned.

"She should be up an active by tomorrow." Hitomi answered.

"That's good to hear."

"It's almost time again, why don't you come along?"

"Wait, time for what?"

Hitomi didn't answer, but she took Dexter to their room while holding his paw. Pashmina saw this, but payed little mind to it. Somehow she sensed his concern.

 

Dexter saw the young hamster laying on her back, she was still out cold, but at least he had a little bit of reprieve. "Here." Hitomi said.

"What's this?" asked Dexter.

"It's a special medical balm. Jam said to rub her chest with it, I guess he's more concerned than you... but I doubt it."

"Jam always did know how to care for us, this only makes sense. I doubt it too." Dexter opened up the balm.

"I'll leave you two alone, get in some bonding time." and Hitomi left the room.

Dexter rubbed Hermana down. "I'm sure you can hear me, so I want you to know that I didn't get much sleep last night. How could I? This never really happened in a duel before, so I really don't know how to deal with it. I guess I'll deal with it the only way I can. But don't worry, I won't be hurting anyone else with that card anymore. Also, I'm sorry for doing this to you. I promise I'll make it up to you when you're up and around again. Hopefully, you won't hate me for what I've done to you.... Well, keep resting up and we'll chat later." Dexter closed up the balm and left the room.

 

Meanwhile at the fun park, Panda was finishing up the mainframe. "Almost done...." If you hadn't guessed it already, Panda is doing all of the coding for the tournament. He's also making sure that the same effects in the clubhouse are to be used at the fun park for this tournament. "Hey handsome, penny for your thoughts?"

Panda turned to see Lapis handing him a sunflower seed. "Thanks."

"Are you almost done, I have to catch up to Lazuli." whined Lapis.

"I'm not forcing you to stay here." Panda told her.

"What's with all the zeros and ones?"

"It's called binary. It's the universal code for mostly all electronic devices. It's also my most fluent language, other than japanese and english."

"I see."

Panda typed in a bit more coding.... "And... done. The dueling systems have been upgraded to fit this tournament."

"Whew, finally."

"You act like you did some work."

"Can we go now?"

"Yes, we can go now."

*

Panda and Lapis got a bag of seed to eat and the two sat on a bench. "So you're gonna enter this tournament too, aren't you?' asked Lapis.

"Of course." Panda answered. "I sat out in the last one, so I've decided to compete this time around."

"I see."

"Are you going to enter?"

"Maybe, I dunno. I have to think it through first."

"That's kool too."

"Say Panda, how about we have a friendly duel here."

"I left my duel disk at the Duel House."

"You mean clubhouse, right?"

"Well, yes, but I've upgraded it. It's the Duel House now. The same upgrades there were just installed into the fun park. Now I'll be happy to take you on when we get there."

"Well, all right. But we're gonna miss out on testing your stuff here."

"We'll be fine, let's go."

 

Back at the clubhouse, another duel has just finished up. "So Pashmina, have you been working on your deck?" asked Pepper.

"Of course." Pashmina answered. "I'm almost done actually, I need a few more spells and all."

"Do you plan on making a side deck?"

"I haven't thought that far ahead yet. What about your deck, Pepper?"

"Coming along nicely. I think I'll add more than just what I normally have in it."

"Not bad."

"And whatever happened to that card I gave you?"

"In my collection. She is valuable, you know."

"Hey Jam, aren't you going to get in on these duels?" asked Lazuli.

"Nah, I'm not in much of a dueling mood. Honestly, I have more construction to make." Jam answered.

"I find that hard to believe."

"I think you should get in the dueling zone yourself."

"Maybe later."

 

Hitomi looked at all of the hams and their skills as duelists. I have to admit, even the inexperienced ones of this group have some killer strategies. she thought. I guess this is how they train for tournaments, by playing each other and making deck adjustments accordingly. Hermana and I only rarely duel each other, we usually duel side by side. I guess I'm starting to learn a bit more about "friendly competition" from simple observation of my newfound duelists.

"You seem troubled. What's the matter." Hitomi turned to see Maxwell standing next to her. "You aren't bored, are you?"

"No, I guess I just don't understand." Hitomi answered.

"What do you mean?"

"All of you duel each other and in return, you make yourselves stronger. Even Cappy knows how to hold himself very well in duels. I just don't understand..."

"You sound like you never had many people to duel with."

"Blasphemy, I've dueled and beaten plenty of duelists in my days. I've also had my share of ass whoopins in duels."

"Yet you still don't get why we duel against each other?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Well, it's one of the ways we learn outside of tournaments."

"Wait, you mean you learn?!"

"Of course."

"What's there to learn when you know what is in your opponent's deck?"

"You've obviously missed the point.

 

"Take Penelope for example. She hasn't dueled long, but every duel she has is a learning experience for her. The same goes for Cappy."

"How did you guys start dueling anyway?"

"Well, the majority of us were simply introduced into Duel Monsters. Once that happened, we were given a starter amount of booster packs and a tin to put them in. Jam on the other hand, learned how the game was played not from being introduced, but by simply watching others play. Now as for Sandy, she started playing after I filled her in on some of the cards, but her first duel was against her brother, Stan. Sure it was in a tournament and sure she lost, but she still plays and watches others play, as it's her way of seeing which cards to put into her deck. Now Cappy and Penelope learned the hard way, a very hard way indeed. Both of them were forced into duels. Since they had no choice but to duel and after what they've been through, they've continued to duel. It may not look like it, but dueling has also changed us. Sandy and Pashmina didn't normally duel, they simply watched duels and gave support, but afterwhile, decided to get into the duels themselves."

 

"What about you, do you duel?"

"Of course I duel, but not too often. Dueling is great and all, but it doesn't take away from the ecstasy of a good book."

"Does anyone not duel in the Duel House?"

"That would be Oxnard. Oxnard just collects the cards and adds them to his collection. Though he has been told to make a deck, he's decided to leave the dueling to the others, he's happy this way."

"So back on the 'Dueling has changed my life' subject."

"Well, Dueling has created a whole new world for us. Some of us have gotten a whole lot my dependant on ourselves, some of us faced our fears, and in the case of Penelope, it made us come out of our shells."

"....You lost me."

"You see that yellow headband Penelope wears?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"It's not really a headband. It's actually a yellow blanket."

"A blanket?"

"You see, before dueling with everyone else, Penelope would wear that blanket. Hiding herself behind it you can say...."

"You mean she shrouded herself with it."

"Exactly. Since she never really had a deck of her own, she never really dueled. In fact, before dueling, Penelope only squeaked her voice. Now look at her, the youngest Duel Ham who was timid and quite is now outgoing. Cappy too was shy, but you wouldn't have known that since they've entered the dueling world. Even Snoozer wakes up to get in some duels and work on his deck. And I even do less reading than I used to before dueling. In a unique way, dueling has unlocked the potentials of ourselves that most of us never knew we had."

"That's amazing... in a weird kind of way."

"You can learn a lot from us, just simply observe and see."

 

"Hey you guys, sorry I took so long."

"Panda you rat, it's about time you got here!" Boss yelled.

"Sorry, I was busy." Panda said.

"Whatever, I'm not mad."

"I am though, he took his sweet time." said Lapis.

"Well it's good to know you brought him back Lapis. And how have you been?" Boss stated.

"It could be better." Lapis answered. "Now Panda, go get your cards already. You promised me a duel."

"Yeah, yeah, don't rush me." Panda went off to his room.

 

"You're in for a treat, Hitomi. Panda's an exceptional dueliest, as well as a handyham." said Maxwell.

"I know," said Hitomi. "Lapis can hold her own in duels too."

"Really? So Lapis can duel huh? Well let's see how well her cards can deal with the technical deck of Panda."

"You'll see, Maxwell."

 

Lapis and Panda took their places across from each other as the duel began. "So who do you guys think is gonna win this duel?" asked Stan.

"As much as I respect Panda, I'm gonna root for Lapis this time." answered Hamtaro.

"Me too." said Sandy.

"Me three." said Cappy.

"Panda's got this in the bag." Penelope said.

"I'm gonna go with my man Panda too." said Stan.

"Why you you zhink will win, Jam?" asked Bijou.

"I'm not picking a favorite here," Jam answered, "but I do wanna see what Lapis will be using."

"My sediments exactly." said Boss and Dexter.

 

"Are you ready for this one, Lapis?" asked Panda.

"Of course I am," Lapis answered, "and you better try hard and not mess up on purpose just because I'm a girl."

"When it comes to duels, I'm not a sucker for a pretty face. Bijou is more than enough proof of that."

"Hey, what about me? I have a pretty face too!" Sparkle yelled.

"Too bad your attitude doesn't match it." Panda said.

 

Spectating hamsters simply razzled. "Sparkle got dissed." said Pepper.

"No, she got told the truth." Howdy corrected.

"Don't start, Pepper. At least I'm not fat." said Sparkle.

"Hey, I'm not fat, I'm just a big girl." said Pepper. "And where's your boyham at anyway? Oh that's right, you don't have one yet."

"And Pepper's not fat, it's just extra fur." Oxnard added.

"Only you would know..." Sparkle said.

"Of course I know, I'm hittin' it!"

"Oxnard...!"

"What, I take pride in waxin' your ass. Besides, I'm the only one in the Duel House that's getting some anyway."

Yeah, you keep thinking that... thought Hamtaro and Maxwell.

 

"You know, when you guys are done bragging about how much hamster pussy you be getting, Lapis and I would ike to start our duel." said Panda.

"You're just mad because I caught you building that Hamstersnatch 3000." Stan said.

Panda's face turned red. "For the fifteenth time, I was making that for Prince Bo."

"If you were making it for Prince Bo, then why does it say 'Panda's Project' on the inner left thigh?"

 

Boss just shook his head. "Wow Panda, you completely sold out." he said.

"You wanna talk about sellouts?" questioned Bijou. "Zhen why don't explain zat little 'Glory Hole' in your wall which smells like you and oddly is hidden behind ze waist of your Dark Magician Girl poster?"

"Uncool, Boss. Uncool." said Sandy.

"At least it's not the Harpie Lady poster like Maxwell has."Boss said in defense.

"I don't have a Harpie Ladie poster, that's Howdy." Maxwell. "Mine is a poster of Sandy dressed up as Injection Fairy Lily."

"I don't have a Harpie Lady poster," Howdy said in defense, "I have Water Omotics. Wa-ter Omotics... and it's the original art where she's showing her boob. And I don't have any 'Glory Holes' in, behind or around it. If I need to blow some steam, I got my pictures of Hannah to-"

"ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!" Jam yelled. "Y'all got so many problems with your sex lives and I don't wanna hear about it. So I'm gonna end this crap here and now:

 

"Oxnard, stop talking about your 'Southern Comfort' you proudly receive; Panda, quit making girlhams in your room and get a real one; shut up Stan, especially since you 'hand crank' more than any of us here..."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. DIYS is healthy." Stan said in defense.

Jam went on. "Boss.... Red X, man. Red X; Bijou, what the hell is a Le Crépes Ecstat?"

Bijou turned to Pashmina. "I told you to ake your toys weeth you when you leave." she cried.

"That's not mine," Pashmina answered. "I have mine under the shedding of my cage."

"So that's what poked me in the back when I slept over there last..." said Dexter.

"TMI, Dex." Jam said. "Max, you need to stop reading Cosplay Complex, because I'm starting to think that's giving you some odd fetishes to try with Sandy."

"N-no it's not." Maxwell blushed.

"Wow, you guys really need to learn how to deal with the season." said Sparkle.

"Wanking off one of your fanboys isn't how you deal with the season, Sparkle." said Jam.

"That was an impersonator."

"Funny how you and your fake have the same human; Hamtaro, quit mounting Bijou at night."

Bijou turned to Hamtaro, slightly agitated. "What?" Hamtaro asked.

"We're gonna talk about zat later." Bijou said.

 

"Howdy, take a page from Snoozer's book and get a pr0n mag. In fact, ask Snoozer for one of his mags." Jam went on.

"I don't need that crap, I got pics of Hannah." Howdy said.

"Boss, where are your pics of girls?"

"Somebody stole my pics of the Mini-hams." Boss answered sadly.

And you're not getting them back either. Stan thought. {<---- Now ain't that cold-blooded?}

"I didn't think you guys could be that horny." said Hitomi.

"And who offered me sex after saving her little sister's life?" Jam looked her way. "And don't deny it, because I got the whole ordeal on tape."

Hitomi looked away blushing.... "Lazuli." she answered.

"I don't do that." Lazuli said.

"So what is the deal with that sapphire play thing?"

"Damn it, that's my sapphire play thing!" Lapis yelled. "I thought I lost that and it was custom made for me. You had my sapphire this whole time?!"

Jam shook his head. "Staffar allah, huacbah." he said.

"Come again?" asked Sandy.

"Man, the only one aside from Snoozer that's taking this properly is Seamore. Yes, he was caught by me, Dexter and Howdy, but at least he went into the back of the photoshop to get some head. Sure the door was open, but at least he went into the back to get it instead of having been at the counter and her under it while sitting down or kneeling down to get his head. I'm starting the believe Nurse Ham when she tells me I got high blood pressure. 4k lifepoints and get it on."

"Where are you going?" asked Pashmina.

"To lay down... I'll also prepare for my appointment with Nurse Ham."

 

The two duelists take their hand and the duel is on. "Show me what you got, Lapis." said Panda.

"Well thanks a lot, I will take the first move." said Lapis as she took her card. "I'll begin with Graceful Charity." Lapis takes three and kills two. "I'll set one card and one monster face down. Your turn, Panda."

Panda took his card. "Sweet. Let's start with two cards face down, then it's Y-Dragon Head on the attack." In flies Panda's monster (1500/1600). "Now attack, my Dragon." Y-Dragon Head attacks the face down monster.

"Nice play, but you've attacked my Alien."

"Alien?"

Lapis' face down monster is attacked, then flipped face up (300/800). "This is Alien Grey. And when this alien gets killed in battle, I get to draw a card." Lapis draws a card.

Suddenly, a mind probe was placed on the from of Y-Dragon Head. "What is that thing?" Panda asked.

"It's an Alien Counter." Lapis answered. "Think of it as Grey's way of saying 'We come bearing gifts.' to you as it appears."

"Uh huh. My turn is over."

Lapis takes her card. "I'll something a little tougher down this time. Say hello to Alien Warrior (1800/1000)."

 

"I take it these are those Alien cards that Jam was talking about." said Cappy.

"Lapis has aliens in her deck. Man is that creepy..." said Penelope as she shuddered.

"Those Aliens are Reptile-type monsters." Lazuli reminded them.

 

"Now attack my Alien Warrior." Lapis said and off her monster went.

"Activate Negate Attack." said Panda. An area of distorted space appeared as the Alien Hunter slashed with its claw.

"I'll set two more cards face down and that'll do." Lapis wraps up her turn.

Panda takes his card. "I'll play Spell Absorption." he begins his turn.

That's odd, why would he play that now, there's nothing to remove. thought Lapis. Oh wait...

"Now I'll fuse together my Dragon Head with Z-Metal Tank from my hand...(5000)" Y-Dragon Head takes to the sky as Z-Metal Tank rolls onto the field. The two merge together into one robot and Y's Alien counter destroys itself. "How about a warm welcome to YZ-Tank Dragon (2100/2200)."

"Yeah, that's pretty strong." said Lapis.

"Now attack that Alien, Tank Dragon. Missles away!"

Missles are fired and the destroy the Alien, blowing Lapis backward and off of her feet. "Look ma, I'm Predator to Lapis' Aliens."

"Ha, ha, very funny." said Lapis (3700).

"Well it's your turn, Lapis." said Panda.

Before Lapis takes her card, Panda's monster is probed again. "Gotta love the gifts my monster give."

"What the..." Panda saw two counters this time. One on Y, one on Z. "Not the counters again."

Lapis took her card. "I'll activate my trap card A Rival Appears. Do I have to explain how this card works?"

"Nope." Cappy, Pashmina and Penelope answered.

"Since that Tank Dragon has six stars, I can bring a six-star monster. Say hello to the Alien Mother." Lapis' new monster hits the field (2300/1500). "And I'll have her escorted by Alien Hunter (1600/800). Now it's time for the Mother to attack the Tank Dragon." Alien Mother goes in and uses her lower arms to grab the Tank Dragon and ripped it apart with the other two arms.

"That's a bit brutal, don't you think?" asked Panda (4900).

"Tell that to my Alien Hunter. Direct attack!" Panda is knocked on his rear (3300).

"Can it get any worse?"

"Yes it can Panda. Because now you get to see the benefits of my Alien Warrior's gift. Alien Mother, do your stuff."

 

Alien Mother's black orbs began glowing. After a bit of Alien chanting, Panda's duel disk is reacting and a beam of light comes from his graveyard. After which, YZ Tank Dragon appears on Lapis' side of the field. "Okay, I didn't see that coming." said Stan.

"So the Alien mother can assimulate any monsters she destroys with Alien counters on them. Impressive." said Maxwell.

That monster has quite the interesting ability. thought Jam.

"So what do you think of the Alien Mother's mind control?" asked Lapis. "Now I control your Tank Dragon."

"That's impressive." Panda answered. I must make sure no other monster of mine get counters from those aliens.

"My turn is over, but the duel will soon be over anyway."

"I'm not done yet," Panda said as he drew his card. "I Summon Cyber Dragon to the field." Panda sets down one of his more trusted machines to the field (2100/1600). "Attack Alien Hunter." Cyber Dragon attacks.

"Activate trap card, Crop Circles."

"What does that do?"

"Watch and learn."

Alien Hunter leaves the field. "Hey, what are you..."

"Now I can summon an Alien monster from my deck of the same level as Alien Hunter. I'll bring from my deck Alien Warrior, and he gets into the field just in time to take the blast."

 

"Nice strategy." said Jam, who was watching from his room.

"Very strategic move." said Maxwell. "She cut the damage she took from that attack in half and puts two counters on Panda's Dragon. Not a bad move on Lapis' end."

 

"That was really sneaky, Lapis." said Panda.

"No, that was all calculated." said Lapis (3500).

"My turn's over."

"Yes, it is..." Lapis drew her card. "Attack my Alien Mother. Destroy that dragon."

Alien Mother goes up to grab the Cyber Dragon, but ends up grabbing two mirrors. "Hey, that's the deal?" asked Lapis.

"You're not the only one who can be sneaky." Panda explained. "Take my trap card, Attack Reflector Unit. Your monster is forzen in time, which allows me to go into my deck and bring something to the field too."

"And what does that mean? What are you gonna pull out?"

"The monster that will defend me from your assault." The Cyber Dragon began to turn into light. When the light went away, it had an entirely new look. "This is a simple upgrade."

"More upgrades, sheesh."

"Now to unfreeze your Alien Mother."

The Alien Mother was shocked and it returned to Lapis' side of the field. "What did you do?" Lapis asked.

"I defended myself. You now face the Cyber Barrier Dragon, whom I've summoned in defense mode." Panda answered (800/2800).

"Crud, I've lost life points." (3000).

"Panda got a brand new bag, honey. I'm back into the game."

"No matter, take your turn."

"I will." Panda took his card. The Cyber Barrier Dragon wil help me for a while, but I need a solid strategy on how to turn this around. Well this will work.

"You can only save yourself for so long, so take your turn already."

"I'll set this face down and end my turn."

Lapis took her card. "First I'll reveal my face down card, Heavy Storm."

"Noooo!"

 

The effects of Heavy Storm swirl around again, blowing a powerful wind throughout the clubhouse. "Holy crap!" Hitomi yelled.

"Isn't this amazing?! You can really feel the power of this spell card!" yelled Cappy.

"So realistic!"

 

Jam heard the effects of Heavy Storm from his door. "I'm glad I'm in my room this time." he said.

When the storm cleared, three monsters remained on the field. "I must say, that was amazing." said Lapis. "And you made these upgrades to the fun park?"

"Yup, I'm a genuis." Panda answered.

"You're also finished. I'll now play System Down and finish your chances of ever winning this duel."

"No, not that card..."

"Sorry Techy... your network has just crashed." (2000)

 

"Why is Panda all messed up over one spell?" Cappy asked.

"System Down removes every Machine that your opponent has." HItomi answered. "Every machine in Panda's grave and on his field are gone."

"Which is devistating to Panda's deck of Machines." said Stan. "It gives him nothing left to defend himself now."

"Poor Panda, he's done for..." said Sandy.

 

"Now I'll have my monsters finish you off. Alien Mother, you attack first, then command the Tank Dragon to end the duel." The two monsters finish Panda off, and Lapis wins the duel.

"Man, that really sucked, my own monster finished me off." said Panda (0).

"Don't cry because my Aliens made you eat your own mechanical scrap metal."

"I don't mind lsing to a girl, but don't get too cocky about that win. I'll get you next time."

"If you plan on beating me in the tournament, you better be able to prevent a shutdown like that."

"Well your deck of Aliens is an interesting one." said Stan. "You might be a force with cards like Alien Mother, but that won't be able to stop me."

"You'll have time to prove yourself soon." said Lapis.

 

The hams all had a good laugh. So Lapis duels with the Alien cards. Quite an effecient strategy she had. Jam thought. And since another tournament has made its way to the fun park, It's time to recreate my deck and takeover the tournament once again.