Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction / X/1999 Fan Fiction / Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Then came an angel ❯ Random Crazy Comedy Insert #3 ( Chapter 17 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

By: Sapadu

Random Comedy Insert Number 3!

Courtesy of Sapadu

Okay, this is for Megami-chan, who's turning 19 on September 2! Happy Birthday, Megami-chan!

Just as a note, I've NEVER been to a Wal-Mart, so I don't know what they look like on the inside.

50 Fun Things to do at Wal-Mart

Starring:

Megami-chan, herself!

Hokuto-chan,

Sapadu-chan,

Shindo Shuichi-kun of "Bad Luck",

Sakuma Ryuichi-kun of "Nittle Grasper",

Alister-kun of Paradias Corporation,

Valon-kun of Paradias Corporation,

And outside, waiting to bail our heros out:

Fujisaki-kun and Hiro-kun of "Bad Luck",

And Rafael-san of Paradias Corporation.

Let the game begin!

Megami and Hokuto both grabbed about three shopping carts apiece and raced through the aisles with them. Hokuto grabbed dolls, beanie babies, MasterLock locks, glue, scissors, a toolbox, three different DVDs, and two packages of Oreos and put them into her basket as she went down the right side of the store, leaving her first cart with the pet supplies.

Megami-chan's cart quickly filled up with three sets of toy handcuffs, two tubes of shaving cream, cans of Cheez-Wiz, a package of balloons, water bottles, spare bike wheels, high heels, suspenders, and a bra, which she left in the auto department.

Hokuto-chan left her other two carts in the toys and frozen foods aisle, while Megami-chan waited at the front of the store for Hokuto-chan to return. She'd left a cart in Bed and Bath and the kid's play area, and since the Drow had more experience in causing mayhem, she'd been more random and faster about the things she'd picked out and put into the cart.

Readers, feel free to imagine what those things were.

#1: Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

"YA-A-A-A-AH-HO-O-O-O-O-O!" Screamed Shuichi, bouncing up and down on the pink pony outside the store, while Ryuichi followed on a red motor car.

"SHU-I-CHI! KUMAGORO'S GONNA GETCHA, NA NO DA!" The Nittle Grasper vocalist shouted, brandishing his toy stuffed bunny.

"They have to run out of quarters to put in the machines SOONER or later..." Grumbled Fujisaki, whose eyebrow was twitching. Hiro just laughed while Rafael ignored them completely.

#2: Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

Sapadu was alone, A-A-A-A-ALL by herself, in the bed and bath department when a display of alarm clocks caught her eye. Snickering to herself, the purple-eyed shinigami walked over to the table and started to press buttons.

One alarm clock was the typical one, which rang and then people would smack it to make it shut up. Sapadu quickly found an instruction manual and sped read through "How to set the alarm."

Within five minutes, she'd set all the alarm clocks, each one, to go off ten minutes after the one before it. Sapadu then found a bed and hid under it, waiting for five minutes before one alarm clock started to ring. Quickly, an employee rushed over and turned it off, only to return ten minutes later to search for which one was beeping NOW. Sapadu snickered as she creeped out of the display.

#3: Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

While all the employees were over in bed and bath trying to stop the alarm clocks, everyone regrouped in the middle of the toy aisle, where Valon had challenged a random customer to a game of air hockey. Alister, not wanting to be left out of the fun, picked up a ping-pong set and stole the puck from Valon, switching it with the ping-pong ball.

Within minutes, everyone had black masks on over their eyes, with eyeholes cut out for them to see. Four more customers joined, but about eight others had run away, screaming. Megami came out wearing roller blades and with a basket ball, throwing it to Ryuichi, who dove under the air hockey table as Hokuto tried to tackle him.

Sapadu called over her team, Megami-chan, Shuichi, Alister, and two of the random customers, into a huddle, with a broken glass coke bottle on the ground.

"Alright, crew! Game plan! Megami-chan, this is you..." Sapadu indicated the bottle top, but Megami protested that she didn't WANT to be the bottle top.

"I wanna be that piece of glass with the "Cola" on it." She said pointing, thankfully, to the piece that Shuichi had NOT called dibs on.

"Okay then... um... Al-kun... Go back through the aisle, then out, fifteen tiles... and cut left... behind the black Chevy on display in the auto department." Sapadu said, moving Alister's piece behind a toy Rolls Royce. Alister nodded.

"Random customer number 1... you run down to the CD's... and wait in the Country aisle." Sapadu then turned her attention to Shuichi.

"Shu-chan- outside aisle three is a cart. Get into it and roll it down to aisle twenty-four. I'll fake it to you!" Shuichi grinned. Megami-chan pouted.

"Sapu-chan, what about ME?" Sapadu took the "Cola" piece of glass with the bottle top.

"You and the other customer guy are going LONG." Sapadu said, pointing down the aisle. Megami-chan grinned and nodded.

"BREAK!" And the team members rushed off.

#4: Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join.

Shuichi had gotten lost on his way to aisle twenty-four and ended up in the auto department. On the shelves were tall cans of weirdly colored shapes. The pink-haired singer took one off the shelf and spritzed it in the air before sniffing. It smelled like coconuts. Grinning madly, he sprayed more from all the cans, which ranged from lilac, to rainforest, to kiwi fruit. In the end, the auto department smelled like Yuki's apartment if the milk had gone bad and Yuki had been chain-smoking all month.

Shuichi snickered, evilly, and hopped back into the shopping cart, rolling away with cat ears peeking out of his hair.

#5: Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

Sapadu had left the Calvinball game to find Megami, only to find her in the gifts department. She was covered in tape, ribbons, saran wrap, and "To, From" stickers, giggling with glee.

Sapadu frowned, before Megami-chan spotted a display of rolls of wrapping paper.

"Sapu-chan, LOOK!" She cried, and pulled one out, brandishing the roll like a sword, "I am Darth Koichi!" Sapadu grinned at the Drow and pulled out a roll of her own.

"Yeah? Well, I'm Luke Sapadu, and YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!" Shouted the vampire, swinging her roll of paper at her friend. Megami-chan and Sapadu made appropriate lightsaber smashing noises as their wrapping paper rolls clashed.

"Sapu-chan?" Shouted Megami over the din. Sapadu called "Yeah?" back.

"We TOTALLY don't know how to sword fight!"

#6: Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. (Taken COMPLETELY from "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure")

Alister had gotten lost in the office supplies department when he came across a selection of typewriters. In truth, it was only four, but the all had ink and paper in them.

He grinned. He'd ALWAYS wanted to do this.

The redhead kneeled before one typewriter and placed his fingers on the keyboard.

Wake up, Neo.

The Matrix has you.

Snickering, Alister scooted over to the second computer.

God has abandoned you.

On the third typewriter, he wrote a short horror story about a woman who planned to hide from the police by getting into a coffin and telling the old graveyard keeper to dig her up at midnight. Midnight came and she found out the coffin she was in was the coffin of the graveyard's keeper, so she was buried forever.

On typewriter four, Alister couldn't contain his laughter at the memory of Dartz as he typed.

I am going to claim your soul...

Security guards were shouting in the next aisle, but Alister got up and ran. His work was done.

One of the security guards, nicknamed "Neo" read the message on typewriter one, and fainted.

#7: Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

Hokuto had gotten to the clothing department and looked THOROUGHLY disgusted with the outfits on display.

After making sure no one was watching, she quickly put a pair of leather, lace-up pants on one mannequin while switching the shirt with a silk shirt from the male mannequins., leaving it unbuttoned. On another, she pulled a black hoodie with the bold red words "I Hate You" (Kuro-pi, don't bite me, please!) over the sundress of another model, and on a third, she removed the sweater and put a black lace bra over the model's chest, ignoring that it was a male mannequin, and wrapping a miniskirt around it's waist.

'Wouldn't Sei-chan love to see Subaru in THAT!' Thought the older Sumeragi twin as she skipped merrilly away.

#8: Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

Valon had gotten bored with the Calvinball game and left the five customers to duke it out on their own in favor of going to get something to buy. In one particularly narrow aisle, Valon noticed a little old lady pushing a cart that was three times her size behind him. Whistling innocently, Valon walked as slowly as he possibly could, occasionally pausing to look at something.

Half an hour later, he emerged from the aisle.

#9: When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

Sapadu and Megami met up with Ryuichi outside the Bed and Bath department, where all the employees had finally gotten the alarm clocks to shut up. After a vote, they all decided that Ryuichi looked like the most authoritative among them, as long as he ACTED like it, too.

Ryuichi walked up the crowd with a serious expression on his face and his chest puffed up.

"I think we have a code 3 in housewares." He said, sounding, honest-to-god, like a manager. All of the employees went beet red and rushed in the direction of the housewares, practically tripping over eachother.

The singer, along with the two spellcasters, collapsed into gales of laughter.

#10: Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

Once again lost, Shuichi met up with Hokuto right by the music selections, where a display of radios was gathering dust. Together, the two found the best polka stations and tuned every single one of the radios to them. Hokuto turned all the radios off and the ones that weren't turned off via the volume control, Shuichi turned up to full blast, if someone should turn it on.

The two hid behind a CD rack as an unsuspecting customer came over and turned on one of the radios, only to scream in horror and clap his hands over his ears at the polka sound, before scrambling for the off button.

Shuichi stuck his tongue out as Hokuto snickered.

#11: Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.

Outside the store, the three men who DIDN'T want to be arrested were all completely and thoroughly bored. Rafael got tired of reading Wal-Mart's "On sale this week" signs and went over to the door for something to do. He stepped on the pad and the door slid open, until he took his foot off.

Curious, since he'd been stranded on a desert island for twelve years of his life, the blond started to dance on the pad and wave his hands in front of the motion detectors.

"Rafael-san..." Hissed Fujisaki.

#12: Play with the automatic doors.

Alister had gotten away from the mad security to bump into Valon. The two were bickering over who could do something more outragous ALL by themselves, within the next twenty minutes. Eventually, Alister saw a man in his mid-thirties over by the frozen foods and took Valon on his bet, walking over to the man with a friendly expression on his face.

"Hey! Buddy! It's YOU! I never thought I'd see you here! It's been so long- how long is it, again... ten years or so? Remember when we were kids together? We'd play all the time! You LOVED those army guys!" He said, smiling and winking at the man. Thankfully, the man got it and played along with Alister while Valon scowled.

#13: Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi, I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

Not about to be outdone by Alister, Valon sulked off the clothes department and saw a display of outfits on sale. Screwing up his face and speaking as loudly as he could, he wondered out-loud to himself,

"Who BUYS this CRAP, anyway?" A few passing customers covered the ears of their children, and Shuichi tried, in vain, to hold Hokuto back from beating Valon up- the older Sumeragi was QUITE proud of the outfits she'd selected for the mannequins.

#14: While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap, anyway?!"

Over in the jewelry section, Megami was picking over a necklace before loudly saying,

"WHO BUYS THIS CRAP, ANYWAY?"

Sapadu collapsed into a heap, clutching her sides with laughter.

#15: Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.

While Hokuto beat up Valon, Shuichi got distracted and went over to the bikes, finding a pretty, sparkly, pink, girl's bicycle with streamers on the handles. Squealing in delight, Shuichi plucked it from the stand and began to pedal it around the store.

One of the roaming security guards stopped him, and the Bad Luck singer started to whimper, popping into his puppy costume.

"D-D-D-Dat-TE-E-E-E!" He cried, "I was just taking it for a test drive..."

The puppy eyes NEVER failed.

#16: Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.

Getting up from the floor, Sapadu went in search of something to do. She spotted a young woman with a shopping cart in the lingerie department. Carefully, making sure the woman couldn't hear her and that it looked like she was just walking along, the dark-haired girl started to follow the woman, staying five feet behind her the whole time.

About halfway through the store, Sapadu paused to look up at a display of books as the woman stopped to read a magazine. Out of the corner of her eye, the woman noticed Sapadu, who smiled and waved before going back to "looking" at the books. Nervously, the woman put her magazine in the cart before continuing, occasionally looking over her shoulder to see Sapadu casually strolling along five feet behind her.

The woman quickly left the store.

#17: Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

Ryuichi had found a ball. A bouncy, happy, black and white ball! Kumagoro liked it, too. Giggling joyfully, Ryuichi gave it a good kick, running after it until he'd found everyone and they began to dribble it back and forth in the aisles.

"I'M OPEN! I'M OPEN!" Shouted Hokuto, waving her arms, and Alister passed it to the green-eyed girl, who kicked it into a wicker basket on the top shelf of a rack in the corner of the store.

"GOAL!" Cheered Sapadu, waving a flag. Everyone cheered before they realized they couldn't get the ball down themselves, so they left it there, much to the dismay of Kumagoro.

#18: Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

Rafael had entered the store, because it had started to rain outside, while Fujisaki and Hiro came in close behind him. The three sat on a bench and watched customers pass, until Hiro, out of sheer boredom stood up and walked over the the register, leaning down to see as the cashier ran a bag of chips over the scanner.

"Ooooh... Magic..." He breathed, in a mock amazed tone. The keyboardist sitting on the bench smacked his own forehead in exasperation as Rafael stood up to go watch the scanner with interest.

#19: As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

Ryuichi found an employee, and, as Sapadu had instructed, took off his shoes and tied the laces together. Kumagoro sat on his shoulders as the singer went over to the employee and held out the sneakers.

"Ano! I want to return my shoes, na no da!" He said, smiling cheerfully at the employee who was, by now, thoroughly beaten. In a crabby voice, the man snapped.

"You can't- you didn't buy those shoes here!" Ryuichi pouted.

"But I thought the customer was always RIGHT, na no da! Kumagoro's gonna EAT you!" And the stuffed pink bunny began to attack the worker, who decided to run away because he'd had enough already.

#20: Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there, say "Hmmmm... I thought the customer was always right!"

"There it is! Go, Megami-chan, no one's coming." Whispered Sapadu, giving the Drow a little push. Megami darted out from the aisle and grabbed the "Caution: Wet floor" sign and ran back to where Sapadu was crouched.

"Where to?" She asked, delightedly. Sapadu smirked.

"Anywhere." Replied the vampire, and Megami-chan grinned back, her fangs showing before dragging Sapadu in the direction of the children's play area. They set down the sign on the carpet, then ran as a few parents gasped, blushed, and looked around to see if anyone was watching.

#21: Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

Valon found himself in the camping department. Seeing as he'd never GONE camping, he decided to have some fun, and set up his own tent, along with a sleeping bag, a fake fire (he didn't have matches or a lighter on him and he didn't feel like going to find them) and the cooking supplies needed for s'mores.

Alister thought it was cool.

"Hey, Valon! Can I come in?" He asked. The goggle-head stuck his head out the tent flap.

"Only if you bring pillows from Bed and Bath." He replied, smirking as Alister rushed off to find pillows.

#22: Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

Shuichi had found the fishing rods in the time that he'd gotten separated from everyone else. Hiro had told him once about how to use a fishing rod, and Shuichi had always wanted to try them out.

Taking the pole off the display, Shuichi let the line fly as far as it would go before he started to turn the crank. It felt heavier than before. When he got the hook back, Shuichi squealed in delight and started to run.

"SAKUMA-SA-A-A-AN! I GOT THE SOCCER BALL DOWN!"

#23: Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

"Naa... Fujisaki... aren't you even the littlest bit BORED?" Hiro asked, pouting. The green haired Bad Luck member glared at him.

"Yes. I'm VERY bored, Nakano-san. Why do you think I'm in such a bad mood?" He snapped, irritably.

"Well, I personally have been having a good time. Why don't you try something, if only because it'll be better than just sitting here?" Rafael asked, not really caring in the least. Fujisaki glared at the blond before standing up and walking over to a woman who was carrying a single bag.

"Excuse me?" He asked, in English, sounding a lot like Mr. K when he spoke in English, "Do you have any Grey Poupon?"

For twenty minutes afterward, Fujisaki couldn't stop laughing at the looks on Hiro and Rafael's faces.

#24: Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

Ryuichi, having received the happy news that Kumagoro's soccer ball had been rescued, dragged Shuichi with him into the bed and bath section, both of them picking out black blankets and draping them over their shoulders.

"I AM BATMAN, NA NO DA! Quick, Robin! To the batcave!" Ryuichi called, raising his fist into the air and taking off, flapping his "cape" with his arms, while Shuichi bounced merrily behind him.

They passed by the front of the store, where Rafael, Hiro, and Fujisaki saw them running.

"Virtual reality has nothing on Shindo-san." The keyboardist commented as Hiro nodded.

#25: Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around, saying "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

Alister, stuck in the bed and bath section, could not, for the life of him, find the pillows. Oh, there were pillows on the beds, but he didn't WANT to bring those- they were all uncomfortable or ugly or pink or girly.

However, he did find something worth doing- twenty-five rolls of toliet paper were out of their bag, and Alister stealthily grabbed them before running around the store, winding the paper around shelves, stuffing it into anything hollow with an opening on the display stands, trailing it over the floor, and hanging it between support beams in the ceiling or aisles.

When the rolls were empty, he went back to Valon's tent to inform him that he couldn't find any comfortable pillows and he'd be back in a minute.

#26: TP as much of the store as possible.

Sapadu was in the toy aisle, looking disgustedly at the scantily clad wall of barbie dolls. With her eyes burning in pain, she grabbed one of the dolls and threw it over the aisle shelf.

Over in the auto department, Megami-chan had found a hammer. As tempting as it was to open a box of nails and use them to hammer two chairs together, the Drow sighed and threw the hammer around the corner.

Hokuto, meanwhile, was in the groceries. A bag of fun-sized candy bars caught her eye and she tiredly tossed them over her shoulder and the shelf behind her.

#27: Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. (BTW, they've all been doing this since they got into the store- I just never mentioned it before now.)

Shuichi might have been an idiot, but he did know SOME things about calculators. For example, there were these calculators called "Graphing Calculators" that you could play video games on.

He also knew that there were numbers you could punch into calculators so that when you turned it upside down, the calculator would read something. If you punched 338 into a calculator, you could turn it upside-down and it would say "BEE".

Shuichi snickered and started to fiddle with all the calculators he could, until a security guard showed up. By then, Shuichi had punched in either 0.1134 or 0.7734. Either way, all the calculators, when upside-down, read "hEllO" or "hELLO".

#28: Play with the calculators so they spell "hello" upside-down.

Everyone met up at the camp display, where Valon had set up his tent. Finally, everyone had found pillows, marshmallows, chocolate bars, and graham crackers. Sapadu lingered outside the tent, making sure no guards were coming.

An employee came up to Sapadu, one of the more innocent ones who hadn't experienced the chaos in the store all day. Politely, not seeing the others in the tent, he asked,

"Excuse me, ma'am. Do you need any help?" Sapadu's reaction was immediate. Tears welled up in her big purple eyes and she crumpled onto the floor, complete chibi.

"It... it's... it's like... it's like..." Here, Sapadu let out a wail, while she kept a crying tone to her voice, "IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALL AGAINST ME!!! WHY'S EVERYONE ALWAYS PICKING ON ME-E-E?!?!?" Sniff, "You're all meanies! Leave me alone! Why can't you just leave me alone? WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The poor employee ran away while Alister popped his head out and tried to explain that Sapadu was emotionally unstable and hadn't taken her medication.

"Sapu-chan... that was kind of mean... at least THAT guy was talking politely..." Megami-chan noted, sticking her head out of the tent as Sapadu dried her eyes.

#29: When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

After much poking, prodding, and a few bags worth of s'mores, Valon got out of the tent and roamed around the store. Honestly, he was just sort of bored. Up until now, he'd been doing rather bland things to cause mayhem, and he was used to causing BIG commotions.

In the aisle ahead of him, a couple with a three year old daughter were walking, all holding hands, towards him. Valon grinned and started to charge at them, running between the father and the daughter.

"RED ROVER!" He shouted, and left the aisle at a more sedate pace, feeling better.

#30: When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."

Hokuto stood up from her list of items that she'd made up in the tent and went to find an employee to try them on.

She found one stocking the shelves.

"Excuse me," She asked, tugging on his shirt, "Where would you keep your whirgens?"

The employee stared at her and blinked.

"You know: whirgens! Kind of like Shartcezes, but without the flichnacts. And it's usually smoother and brighter in color." Hokuto said. The employee frowned.

"Um... I don't think we even carry those. Never have." He replied. Hokuto pouted.

"Well, at least tell me you carry Brangens." She insisted.

#31: Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

In the toy aisle, Shuichi, Ryuichi, and Kumagoro had set up the action figures to play with when Sapadu and Megami showed up at the scene.

"Oi! Whatcha playing with over there?" Sapadu called, before noticing the crew cuts and army material. Ryuichi blinked.

"We're playing army, na no da!" He finally smiled, brandishing the army figurine in his hand.

"The X-men could kick G.I. Joe's butt." Megami retorted. Shuichi wrinkled his nose and stood up, indignant.

"Oh YEAH?!" He demanded, roaring in the girls' faces. Not a very smart idea considering that both Sapadu and Megami had sharper teeth than he did, even when he was mad.

"YEAH!" Sapadu retorted, even though she didn't really care, "Let's go at it. Right here, right now! X-men versus G.I. Joe! Take no prisoners!" At this, Ryuichi stood up too, brandishing Kumagoro.

"Let's go, then! Sakuma-san and I aren't gonna show you any mercy!" Shuichi shouted.

"That's right, na no da! Kumagoro's mad too, now!" The Nittle Grasper singer added. In minutes, the whole toy aisle was lined with X-men action figures on one side with G.I. Joe on the other side. Hokuto had showed up again, and was sitting atop the shelves with a whistle and a megaphone, playing referee.

"Kumagoro fires mega ping-pong cannon!" Ryuichi shouted, using the stuffed bunny to fire the toy cannon so that several X-men were knocked down. Megami retaliated by taking a fishing pole and sending Rogue flying over the soldiers, knocking several others over.

#32: Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

Valon and Alister had found the others in the toy aisle, and idly stood by, watching.

"Who'd ya bet wins this one?" The Australian asked. Alister shrugged.

"Probably G.I. Joe." He muttered, noting how spastic the two G.I. Joe actors were, and thus how effective they were in covering all their bases.

"You wish! X-men could win any day!" Valon retorted, though mostly to be contrary.

"How much you want to bet?" Alister challenged, putting his hands on his hips.

"Ten."

"Twenty."

"Forty."

"Eighty!"

Valon paused.

"Are we talking yen or dollars?" He finally asked. Alister glared.

"Yen." He finally replied.

"Alright! Eighty yen on who wins. I say X-men, you've got the Joes." Valon sneered and turned back to watch the battle.

#33: Take bets on the battle from above.

Hokuto got tired of playing referee and left the toy aisle to find something else to do. Somewhere in the Bed and Bath section, she found a little cosmetics desk. There were combs, brushes, face powders, hair gels, and plenty of wigs.

Hokuto chuckled and took one of the combs to brush and re-style one of the wigs. The elder Sumeragi twin then took the make-up and rushed over to the mannequins she'd re-dressed earlier. On the faces, she quickly touched up the cheeks with blush, the eyes with eyeliner and shadow, and quickly "brushed" the plastic hair.

Well... these brushes had passed HER inspection.

#34: Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

After the battle ended in the toy aisle (Shuichi and Sapadu had called a truce because they were both so tired from all the jumping and screaming) Megami went over to the hunting department. There were guns there. Big guns. She loved big guns.

A clerk quickly helped Megami find the biggest rifle in the place, capable of firing a projectile 50 meters and hit the bullseye if aimed at a target that far away.

For a moment, the Drow acted delighted, but then, got an idea.

"Excuse me, sir? Where do you carry the anti-depressants?" She asked, trying to look anxious. The clerk looked alarmed, before Megami started to twitch. She took one step, trying to make it look jerky and uncontrolled, then another and another. Within minutes, Megami-chan was running through the aisles, jerking and flailing.

She ran by the front of the store where Rafael, Hiro, and Fujisaki all ducked behind the bench in case the gun went off.

"I thought Mr. K had an obsession with guns..." Hiro muttered, sounding impressed. Fujisaki only whimpered.

#35: While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

Hokuto and Shuichi met by the shopping carts, both glaring at the other. Shu was still crabby with the Sumeragi for calling a foul on the G.I. Joe's battle and neither of them would drop it until the other one gave up.

Valon, who was now lost looking for headache medicine, had told them do deal with it in a way like a game.

Thus, both Hokuto and Shuichi got their own shopping carts and lined up at the start of the store, ignoring the looks the three sit-outers were giving them.

Sumeragi Hokuto vs. Shindo Shuichi! And they were OFF! Shu went down one aisle while Hokuto cut through the auto department. Around the store, looping through the aisles, twice around the food court, and into the music and video section.

"HEE HEE HEE HEE! SHU-I-CHI! IF YOU KEEP RUNNING AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND, YOU'LL MELT INTO BUTTER, NA NO DA!" Ryuichi called, waving Kumagoro as Shuichi shot past them in the food aisle.

#36: Hold indoor shopping cart races.

Still with her gun, and just narrowly avoiding the rampaging shopping cart racers, Megami-chan went on a hunt for Sapu-chan. Making sure that she was audible, she started to hum.

"Da da, duh, da! Da da, duh, da!" She muttered, darting between the aisles and creeping along the shelves.

"Dee dee do-o-o-o-o... Dee dee do-o-o-o-o... Dee dee do-o-o-o-o... Da DUM!" She continued, spotting Sapadu and running up for the pounce.

#37: Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

Sapadu heard someone sneaking up behind her. Well... okay, she didn't HEAR them. She heard someone humming Mission Impossible, and she smelled gun grease, so she didn't want to take chances. Quietly, she slipped away from the giant stack of soup cans and ran towards the fitness department.

There was a large selection of gym bags. Sapadu had always wanted to try this- She took one of the bigger bags down and sat down in it, curling up into a ball, tucking her clothes and hair in and reaching down towards the zipper to close it.

"Sapadu, what are you DOING?" Asked an Australian accented voice. Sapadu peered out to see Valon and Alister leaning over her.

"Shh. I'm trying to hide." She whispered, then shut the bag enough so that she could breathe without being seen.

#38: Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

Valon smirked and then took down two more bags.

"Alister, c'mon! If Sapadu's hidin', we'd better hide, too." He hissed, dragging Alister over by his coat and stuffing him down, though Alister struggled.

"How do I know you're not trying to suffocate me?" He challenged. Valon rolled his eyes.

"Oh, geez, mate! I wouldn't do that to YOU, would I?" Alister stuck out his tongue.

"Yes."

#39: Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

Ryuichi was hungry. He needed sugar. So, he went to the food aisle and started to look for something sweet and sugary to eat. There was something that he'd shared with Touma once- these yellow cakes with cream filling... Twinkies, they were called. But he couldn't find any, so he had to ask.

"Ano... Could you direct me to your Twinkies, na no da?" He asked a random person, who, unfortunately, turned out to be a woman CUSTOMER and took it VERY personally.

She screamed, dropped what she was holding, and went running, shouting 'Pervert!'

She'd dropped a box of Twinkies, which made Ryuichi wave, smiling.

"Arigato, na no da!"

#40: Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."

Alister had wormed his way out of Valon's clutches and was safely outside the store. He planned to stay there for the rest of the trip, which made things a little less boring for Rafael.

Looking out over the crowded, rainy parking lot, Alister had one final thought.

Quickly, with Rafael's help, he took down one of the "Save 20%" signs and took out a black marker. Through the space in the window, they saw Hiro and Fujisaki staring and blinking at them.

Snickering, Alister wrote the words "Valet Parking" on the sign and Rafael helped him pin it back up, facing outwards.

#41: Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

Now that everyone was nice and scattered in the store, the pink-haired singer was starting to feel very small and VERY lost. Shuichi gulped. Then, he thought of a way to find everyone.

"MAR-CO!" He shouted, in English, which sounded weird, even to him.

"POLO!" Shuichi heard Sapadu's voice from halfway across the store.

"MARCO!" He called again, running towards where he'd heard Sapadu.

"POLO!" That was Megami-chan, from somewhere in the same area.

"MARCO!" This time, Shu heard Valon's voice shouting with him.

"POLO!" Everyone shouted.

Shuichi tripped over a gym bag with Sapadu in it, while Megami-chan ran into the wall next to him, Valon fell backwards into the display stand, Hokuto vaulted over the shelves, and Ryuichi popped up out of nowhere.

#42: Two words: Marco Polo

After making sure they knew where everyone was, Hokuto took Megami and they all split up. The older Sumeragi led the Drow into the swimsuits of the clothes. Megami rigged up a bikini top and Hokuto gently laid a stuffed kitty in the cups, like it was a hammock.

Sapadu dragged Shu into the auto department, while Shuichi grabbed food, books, and CD's. They left a Yuki Eiri romance novel in the children's play area (And one of the more smutty books, I might add.), put a box of chocolate donuts in the fitness section, a sports bra in the freezer next to a bag of spinach, and an ASK CD in the pet care department.

Valon and Ryuichi were left at Bed and Bath with a box of Cheerios, which they put behind a tower of bath soaps, and then they took a bottle of shampoo and put it on one of the flat posts on a four-poster bed.

#43: Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.

Sapadu and Shuichi met Valon and Ryuichi in the music department. Sapadu switched with Ryuichi and she and Valon left the two singers to their own devices among the CDs.

Within minutes, Shu and Ryu had reorganized the entire aisle of CDs. Now, the album was the way they were sorted.

#44: "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.

Hokuto and Megami had made it to the auto department, ignoring the strange sights they saw on their way there. With the selection of oils and gasoline, they saw a wide variety of funnels to drain oil into the different valves and pipes of engines.

Giggling, Hokuto picked up two of the funnels, one a huge funnel, probably used for trucks, the other, a small one that could get lost in your pocket. Indicating for Megami to watch her, Hokuto held them up to her chest, which made the Drow girl sit down, laughing.

Megami picked two of her own and mimicked the Sumeragi girl. They continued to snicker as they looked at themselves in a mirror.

#45: In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.

Sapadu and Valon decided the electronics aisle was the best for their target. Down one aisle, Valon spotted a man with his backto his cart, trying to tell the difference between one light bulb and another.

Without saying a word to Sapadu, he snuck behind the man and started to push his cart, walking away with it, completely unnoticed.

Sapadu did the same thing to a woman who was examining the calorie difference between two brands of yogurt.

#46: When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

Since the patio furninture was on display near the front of the store, Hiro decided it would be a hell of a lot more comfortable than sitting on a hard bench and waiting, so he went over to a folding chair and stretched out his legs.

Fujisaki, in a not much better mood, followed him.

#47: Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

"Attention janitor- there is a spill in aisle seventeen. Cleanup on aisle seventeen."

Across the store, everyone could hear Sapadu screaming.

"NO! NO, NOT THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

#48: When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, it's those voices again."

Megami was dragging Hokuto towards the cash register.

"Seriously, I need to do this. Just a quick stop, then we can go back to terrorizing the store." She promised, reaching the cashier.

"Yes?" Asked the worker, smiling. Megami smiled back, exposing her fangs.

"Hello. Last time I was here, I bought a DVD player on layaway. I'm here to pay off more of the layaway." She smiled, before holding up two quarters.

The cashier frowned, but took the fifty cents.

#49: Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

Finally, the whole group met at the food court. Megami, Shuichi, and Valon were assigned to get drinks while Sapadu, Hokuto, and Ryuichi took charge of the lawn chairs and dragged them over to the magazine racks.

While the two girls and Ryuichi set up the lawn chairs, Megami was somewhat hassling the guy behind the counter at the food court.

"You see, these guys don't get out much, so they'll be awfully hard to deal with if you don't do me just this one little favor: Could you PLEASE put cute little umbrellas in the drinks? That would just make their day." She wheedled, and finally, the guy sighed and put a few little umbrellas in the soft drinks, which Shuichi squealed over. All three of them brought the drinks over to the magazines, where Sapadu, Hokuto, and Ryu had set up the chairs.

All six of them relaxed, ignoring the stares of the other customers.

#50: Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Everyone met at the front of the store, with Rafael glaring at Valon, Fujisaki ranting about how Mr. K was going to kill all three of them when he heard about this, and Hiro stretching to get the kinks out of his neck.

"Well... we had fun, didn't we?" Shuichi protested, indignantly. Hokuto didn't answer- she and Megami were still laughing too hard to speak, and even Alister's lips were twitching. Ryuichi continued to look confused.

"Oi, where'd Sapu-chan go, na no da?" He wondered. Everyone stopped shouting, and blinked. It was true- Sapadu was no where to be seen.

"We didn't leave her in bed and bath, did we?" Hokuto wondered, frowning, and Megami shook her head, tapping her finger against her chin.

"HOLD UP!" Someone shouted as the door to the store was kicked open and someone looking a lot like K with brown hair charged in with a bigass gun. Everyone's hands shot into the air, as if they were surrendering.

"Now, gimmie all yer money." They demanded, pointing the gun at all the customers, who all had their hands in the air except one old man and the security guards.

Presently, Megami, Hokuto, Shuichi, Ryuichi, Valon, and Alister found themselves kicked out with the three who had opted out of causing mayhem.

"Oh no! Sapu-chan's still in there with that maniac on the loose!" Megami wailed, pounding her fists against the door until it opened and Sapadu, clad in the outfit and with the gun, exited.

"SAPADU! THAT WAS YOU THE WHOLE TIME?!" Everyone shouted. Sapadu smiled, sheepishly.

"I was going for the bonus. Unfortunately, one of the customers had designed the gun and knew it was a toy. No one fell for it, so I got kicked out." Sapdu whimpered, dropping the toy. Everyone else burst out in gales of laughter.

"This is even better than the time we sang along to that James Bond song with Sei-chan right there!" Hokuto laughed, remembering the glorious "Sakurazukamori with the Golden Gun" performance she and Sapadu once did.

Megami joined in with the laughter, and then everyone left, bidding her a final "Happy Birthday."

Bonus: #1: Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without getting kicked out.

#2: Try to hold up customers with toy guns. See how much you can make.

A/N: This is, like, the only time that Gravitation will ever show up in this fic, aside from cameos or vague references. I just don't want to drag the characters into this whole big mess that the fic will turn into.

But I still love it- very funny series.