Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Albino santa ❯ albino santa with the egyptian elf ( One-Shot )

Lmao. I laughed so hard when the idea came to me! I mean…….. oh nevermind. . . just read it.

warnings: swearing, yaoi (no lemon), oddness, and just weird stuff. . . OOC, pointless things. . .

*actions*

speech

`thoughts'

{my notes and comments}

yami bakura=bakura

DISCLAIMER: I do not own yugioh. Or should I say we? (I have voices inside my head that tells me to do. . . stuff. . . )LMAO!

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(there are some made up characters ((minor)) that I had to make up, or the story wouldn't be right. . . to me that is. . .)

jim: why did you drag me out here again? *folds arms*

ben: because we need a new santa. Remember what happened to the last one?

Jim: no. . .

Ben: he got a hard on when a teenager sat on his lap. So we had to fire him. now, keeps your eyes open for anybody you think would be a good santa. I'm going to get a coffee.

Jim: wh-what!? Why do I have to do all the work!?

Ben: because mr.spinagly said I was incharge, now move! *pushes unsuspecting jim into the crowded sidewalk*

Jim: *slips on a piece of ice* dumbass. . .bigass. . . fatass. . .fineass. . .

Ben: I heard that!!!

*somewhere intown*

malik: . . . I'm hungry.

Bakura: you're a pig, you know that?! I'm not hungry. *stomach grumbles*

Malik: *raises eyebrow* not from what I hear

Bakura: it lies! It's a lia- screw it. where can we possibly-

Random lady: *bangs into bakura. She looks at him, and then waggles her eyebrows* hey beautiful. . .

Malik: *growls low under his breath. Think dog.* `that slut better get her eyes off MY property!'

*jim is walking by malik and bakura*

jim: `. . .never gives me a raise. . . okay, ben may be damn hot, but he can't order me around! I hate him! he's SOOO sexy. . .--'*looks at bakura for a brief moment, from across the street*

bakura: whatch where your're going ya HO!

Jim: `that sounds familiar. . . he'd make a good. . . good. . . what's his face. . . uh. . ..'

*truck passes by with a HUGE picture of santa on the side of it. it stops and beeps it's horn*

jim: *glares at it in annoyance* `stupid truck! it blocked my view of that white haired kid!'

*truck goes on it's way*

jim: `batman? Did I need a batman? No. . . that's not it. . .'

*girl of about the age of ten walks by with her friend*

girl: . . . and I asked SANTA for a pony. . .

jim: `I know!!!! Superman!!! I needed a new superman!!! No. . . not superman. . . damn! Remember jim!' *starts pounding his forehead*

random old man walking by: *stares at jim oddly, and walks away*

*back to bakura and malik*

malik: ooohh. . . say that again. . . you sound so evilly hot when you say that!

bakura: ho. . .

malik: *laughs* do it again. . .

bakura: ho. . .HO. . .

*back to jim, trying to remember*

jim: `wonder woman? Oh kami-sama no!'

*a big painting of santa and an elf carried by two men is carried by. The face of santa and the elf are cut out*

jim: *watching as one of the men carrying it stops to tie his shoe* `hmmm. . .'

*the painting is right infront of malik and bakura, and it just so happens it's just as tall as them*

jim: I GOT IT!!!!!!!

bakura: *turns to look at the man known as jim, and thus placing his head in the circle for santa's head* ho?

Malik: *looks at what bakura is staring at, placing his head where the elf's head was cut out* what's wrong bakura? It's just some guy. .

Jim: MY NEW SANTA!!!!!!! *runs across the street to bakura and malik, nearly getting hit by a truck*

*painting people walk away*

jim: you *grabs bakura by his shoulders* are my new santa!

Malik: *glares at jim* and you-*grabs jims shoulder, and pulls him off of bakura* are touching MY property.

Bakura: *looks confusedly at jim*

Jim: `I better confirm it. I don't want this to be like the `johny can't-say-ho-worth-a-shit' guy. I nearly lost my job. . .' would you be so kind as to say `ho ho HO?'

Bakura: *shrugs* ho ho ho. . .

Jim: *grins* `perfect!' gre-

Malik: do it again! *grins physchotically*

Bakura: ho ho ho!!!

Malik: do it again!

Jim: `this is amazing!!! He's ment to be!!!'

Bakura: ho ho ho ho ho HO HO!!!!

Malik: more!!! *jumping up and down excitedly*

Jim: `wow! What a voice!' {what's HE smoking!? Lmao. Bakura sounds NOTHING like santa. . .}

Bakura: *growls* HO!!!!

Malik: ag-

Bakura: *hits malik in the head with a random baseball bat. Then discards it to where ever it came from* there.

Malik: ouchies. . . *passes out*

Jim: `er. . . that's normal in a santa impersonator, right?' {nowonder he nearly got fired. . .} how would you like to be my santa?

Bakura: *raises eyebrow* what do I do?

Jim: you just sit in a chair-

Bakura: is it a red chair?

Jim: yes. .

Bakura: continue then.

Jim: alrighty then. . . you just sit around in a chair, and say ho ho ho. Or merry Christmas. Whatever works for you-

Bakura: *excitedly* you mean I get paid to say things like that? and sit in a RED chair!?

Jim: *confused* yes. . .

Bakura: *picks up the unconscious malik* take us there!

Jim: wait! There's more. you just let kids sit in your lap. . . and listen to them and say a few things to them.

Bakura: I hate kids. . . what's in it for me besides the money?

Jim: uh. . . .

Malik: owwww. . . my head. . . *jumps up back to life, and out of bakura's arms* that was fun!!!

Jim: you can bring him? *doubtful*

Bakura: OKAY!!! *excited*

Jim: `perfect! I want arrays! No wait. . . I want ben. . .' *drool. Wipes it away*

Bakura: ???

Malik:??? Uh. . . what do I have to do?

Jim: stand there and look like an elf.

Malik: elf? What does an elf look like? What IS an elf?

Jim: happy!

Malik: *tries to look happy, but instead he looks high* {I don't think I own that part, with the whole elf thing. I think that's on a movie. . . what's it called. . . uh. . . can I get back to you on that? I think it's `I'll be home for Christmas'}

Jim: o_o uh. . . that'll do. . .

Bakura: *links arms with malik* take us to the wonderful place you speak of!!!

Jim: to the mall!! *points ahead of him*

Malik: *stops suddenly* hold it!

Bakura: what now?

Malik: I'm still hungry.

*2 hours later*

malik got his food, and now he and bakura are wearing costumes, and bakura is sitting in his chair. {lol, when I wrote this part, I forgot the `c' and I discovered it when I showed my friend ^_^;;}

jim: *to ben* they're perfect! Just watch.

Ben: nah. . . I'm going to attract customers. . . *leaves*

Jim: *watches his ass as he walks away* yum. . .

Ben: I heard that!

*in the exhibit*

bakura: *pointing to every one in sight* HO!!! Ho!!!! Ho!!!! Hohohohohohohohohohoho!!!!!!!!

Malik: *looking really excited*

Random little boy passing: mommy! Santa's scaring me!!!

Kid's mother: uh. . . let's go see santa later. . .

Jim:*watching* oh shit. . . *walks to bakura*

Bakura: *points to jim* HO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does that mean I get arrays?

Malik: *laughs insanely for no reason at all*

Jim: oh kami-sama. . . `harder than I thought' don't point. And try not to scream. . . and-- *looks at malik* what's up with him?

Malik: heheheHAHAHHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!! *on the ground*

Bakura: over use of the word `ho'

Jim: okay-- wait a sec. . . word? No! don't say the word! Say it like this. `ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!'

Bakura: *pouts* fine. ho ho ho. Marty chrickass.

Jim: *slaps a hand to his forehead* no! `he's just a little rusty. That's all.' MER-RY CHRIST-MAS!! Like that!!

Malik: ??? you stopped! Why?

Bakura: I dunno. . .

Jim: because it's time for the little kids to sit on your friends lap.

Malik: but-

Bakura: oh ya. . . I forgot about that part. . .

Jim: good luck! *skips away*

*ben walks to them, followed by a few little kids and parents*

bakura: ho ho ho. Merry Christmas. . .

little girl {I'm just going to make up names for them. So she will be called. . . kim} (kim): I want to sit on santa's lap!

Ben: right this way little girl. . .*opens the rope, leads the girl in, and closes it again*

*lines forms behind the rope, as ben and kim go to bakura. Or should I say `santa'? Poor bakura*

little girl: *sits on bakura's lap*

ben: `my work here, is done.' *removes rope, walks away, and then places it back as if he HAD to put it there to restrain the kids. He probably did*

malik: *watches intently, and VERY jealously*

bakura: ho ho ho. Merry Christmas little. . . girl?

Kim: hello santa. My name is kim. I want a pony, Barbie ocean swimming doll {I'm not familiar with the world of Barbie, so some might be made up, and others not. I DON'T OWN BARBIE!} ken ocean swimming doll, Barbie goes to paris set, complete with Kelly, Barbie pretty dress maker. . .

Bakura: *closes his eyes and tries to sleep*

Kim: . . .mrs.claus Barbie. . . hey santa! That's your wife, your famous!

Bakura: yeah yeah. . . wife?

Malik: *eyes widen. He glares at the child*

Kim's mother: come on kim. Say goodbye to santa, mommy has a few presents to buy.

Bakura: `easy enough'

Kim: can I give santa a kiss?

Kim's mom: *looks at bakura* just on the cheek. Mommy is busy you know. {notice how some people refer to themselves as the third person? Or atleast I think that's third person. . .}

Kim: *kneels on bakura's lap so she can kiss him on the cheek, thus accidently kneeing him in the crotch* bye santa! I love you!

Bakura: `OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OW!!!!! OW!!!!!!! OW!!!!!!!!!' *grits teeth*

Malik: *fuming* would you like a candy cane? `somehow, I think I'm going to end up in the hospital after this, due to another insane `meltdown'.'

Kim: no thank you.

Malik: you WIIIILLLL like a candy cane. . . *looks insane*

Kim: no THANX!

Malik: TAKE THE RA-DAMNED CANDY CANE!!!!!!!!!!!

Kim: *gapes at him, and walks away. More like runs.*

Bakura: mal- I mean my trusty elf-

Malik: can I sit on your lap <i>santa</i>?

Bakura: *grins* go for it. . . and if your good, I'll give you a. . . present. . .

Malik: okay! *jumps up on his lap and licks his friend's jaw bone.*

Random kids in line: I WANNA SIT ON SANTA'S LAP!!! GET OFF YOU STUPID ELF!!!!!

Malik: *begins an angry reply, but is silence when he sees jim at the far side of the line, making the cut throat sign* `ass.' *climbs off bakura's lap, and goes to remove the rope, but doesn't put it back.*

Daniel: *he's a little chubby, and he jogs over and sits on bakura. More like squashes*

Malik: `stupid incredibly lucky kids. Stupid guy. I mean, why did he pick US to do this!? How much are we getting paid!? Seeing bakura in that read. . . hot. . . furry. . . uniform. . . how hot!!!' *goes hard* `shit. . .'

Bakura: `oh. . .gods. . .can't. . ..breathe. . .'

*malik saunters away from the line so he can sulk and glare at the kids who got to sit on HIS property{possessive isn't he?}*

*the kids in the line see that the barrier is down, and they rush up to bakura, and some to malik*

jenny: I want a pony!!!

Daniel: *starts to cry* IT WAS MY TURN FOR SANTA!!!!!!!!!

Bakura: AH!!!!!!!!!

Luke: I want a black crayon!!!!

Bakura: *pushes Daniel off* here's a candy cane!

Daniel: *grins and shoves it in his mouth without removeing the wrapper*

John: I want a mega-phone 4000XL!!!!

Bakura: a what? *hands him an ornament form the tree* AHH!!!! STOP IT!!!!

Random kids: *start to cry*

Malik: *shooing kids away* GO AWAY YOU RABID KIDS!!!

Kathy: Me want candy cane!!!! *jumpes ontop of malik*

Malik: THEN TAKE THE FUCKING CANDY CANES!!!!!

Kathy: *sniff* WAH!!!! *starts to cry*

Doug: you made my sister cry!!! I shall kill you!!!!

Malik: yeah. . . right. . .

Doug: HOY-YA!!! *kids malik in the thigh*

Malik: oh, so you wanna fight!? Over santa? Well santa's mine!!!! it's go time!!!! *get's in a fighting stance*

Doug: *does the same* why would santa wanna hang out with a stupid elf!!! Bastard!!!! *charges at him*

Malik: *holds him back with one hand* aww!!! How cute!!! He's trying to hurt me!!!

Doug: fuck you!!!!*grabs his other hand and bites it, drawing blood*

Malik: *screams and shrieks* OWWW!!!! *glares and grabs a string of Christmas lights from the fake sleigh. He smirks as he gets a look in his eye. . .*

Bakura: `I'm getting a migraine. . .' *tries to shoo kids away*

Marty: I want a worm!!!!!!

bakura: a WH-*gasps as malik jumps on his lap, taking refuge from the doug-kid* huh---- what?!---

malik: save me. *panting from his `run and jump escape'*

bakura: *looks confused* huh?

Malik: *points to the Christmas tree* he's RABID!!!

Bakura: *looks* AH!

Doug: *tied to the tree by Christmas lights and foaming at the mouth* I'LL GET YOU LITTLE ELF!!!!! I THE GREAT DOUG SHALL EAT YOUR EYEBALLS!!!! FRY YOUR KIDNEY!!!! USE YOUR SPINAL CORD AS A SKIPPING ROPE!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!! SANTA'S MINE, YOU HEAR ME!!!!!!!! MINE!!!!!!!! ALL MINE!!!!!!!!!!! ROAR!!!!!! BE AFRAID!!!!!!!!!! BE VERY AFRAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHHAHA!!!!

Bakura: oh gods!

Malik: `he looks so hot when he's pissed off. . .' keep me safe!!!!

Bakura: malik, that's how you act.

Malik: I don't care!!!! He BIT me!!!!

Bakura: huh? *puts on a confused look*

Malik: `EEE! ^_^ HOW CAN I RESIST!? BE FREE, HARMONES!!!!' *starts kissing him* {don't ask. . . I'm hyper. . .}

*somewhere in the mall*

jim: . . . I want a raise!

Ben: well they DO look kind of convincing. Well I'm not sure about the Egyptian elf, but the albino is good. *grins with a greedy look in his eyes*

Jim: the albino wouldn't go without the egyptian. They really DO make good santa and elf impersanators-

Random Mother: . . .the nerve! The santas they come up with! I mean. . .
*walks away while talking to a fellow mother*

Jim: *shoots a pained look at ben* it's not what you think!!! They're worthy!!!! *gets on his knees, and begs ben to keep his job*

Ben: *glares* if not you're fired!!!

Jim: please nooooo!!!!!!!!!

Ben: oh shut up ya weenie!!!! {I'm on a shu-gar high. So sue me! *holds hands up in a defensive position* Nuuu!!!! Pleaseeeeee!!!!!!!! Don't sue me!!!!! I was only kidding!!!! *sweat drop*}

*both go to the exhibit to see how malik and bakura are doing*

jim: *jaw drops when he sees the exhibit*

ben: jim?

Jim: *hopefully* yes?

Ben: you're fired.

Jim: *groans* noooooooo. . . ;_;

*they were surprised by two half nude teenagers (shirtless){yyyuuummm. . .} making out and doing some things that younger kids should NOT NOT NOT be seeing, surrounded by screaming, crying, amused children, some angry parents, and a few teenagers watching in interest. Oh, and don't forget a rabid kid attached to the tree by Christmas lights. Basically, all hell broke loose.*

bakura: *pulling away* let's go home.

Malik: *grinning as he gets up. but he cringes when he gets a last look at foaming-doug*

Doug: REMEMBER LITTLE ELF!!!!! THE DOUGMYSTER SHALL EAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT YOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! *growls and begins to bark like a dog*

*they go to leave, when they find ben and jim, gaping at the angry crowd of chaos. Well mostly the rabid kid tied to a tree.* {I'm sorry, but that mental image is funny to me!!!!!}

malik: we decided SCREW THE ACT!!!!

Bakura: WE QUIT!!! Oh, on lighter note, you might want to get the kid down from the tree, and to a doctor, RIGHT AWAY!!! Ja!

*they walk off*

jim: i-i-i- oh kami-sama. . . what did I do to deserve this!?

Ben: jim?

Jim: I know I'm fired! You don't have to rub it---

Ben: shut up and kiss me you fool!!!!!!

And they all live happily ever after. . .MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! PEACE!!!! LMAO!!!! Oh, and little dougie had some mayjor theropy, but had to go to juvenile hall for slaughtering elf impersantators, and later, the raping of santa impersonators.

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sorry if it was short. Anyways. . . yay!!! I've been editing this for a long time now.! Anyways, how'd you like it??? Please review?????? *puppy eyes*