Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Anything For You ❯ Aten's Hallelujah ( Chapter 27 )

WARNING: IMPLIED NCS TIM X RYOU. NOTHING GRAPHIC DESCRIBED. Angst.

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**NOTE: THURSDAYS AND TUESDAYS I CAN'T UPDATE BECAUSE OF MY NIGHT CLASS AND WORK. I WILL TRY IF I CAN, BUT IT'S NOT REALY POSSIBLE.

Aten's Hallelujah

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?

What do I have to do, daddy, to make you happy? Give up the one I love? I tried to be a good son to you. I wanted to shout my love for Bakura out to the heavens, but I didn't know how to tell you.

Just because you don't approve of me…look at what you have done. You don't care. You never did. You never will.

I was always less important to you than people who have been dead for thousands of years. Nothing has changed.

It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Jessica and Tim….they did it again just before they brought me back downstairs and watched me crumble to the floor. They just didn't do this once before. Dad figured that it wouldn't take just one time for me. When Tim stopped, Jessica would continue with me as Tim watched me regaining his strength. When I was brought back downstairs, Aten ran over to me and wrapped his arms around me. With everything that Tim and Jessica did to me, it hurt. My tiny son hugged me…and it hurt. But he was safe. That made this worth it. That made all my pain go away….knowing that he was safe.

Thank Ra.

Hallelujah Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah

Nothing else mattered but Aten's safety. I crawled to my bed and he laid beside me. He wrapped his arms around me again and I clutched him to my chest.

"I love you, mommy."

A tear escaped me knowing what I had to sacrifice to hear that. It didn't matter. Aten was safe. I love you, too, my angel.

"I love you more than life itself, angel. Close your eyes and go to sleep."

Close your eyes so you don't have to see what really happened, baby. Sorry that these tainted hands must hold you. I can't get them clean now.

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

He said he saw me with Malik and Marik. He had faith that I would change while he was in prison. I would feel sorry for him and change. That is what he thought.

She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

I closed my eyes and I could see Tim sitting on my lap, I could hear Aten crying. My father grabbed me too roughly as he pulled my hair back. He wanted to show that he had power over me. My father knew all about Tim and Jessica….and yet……he…did…..nothing. Why?

Dad pulled on my hair making me look up into the ceiling. I could look into my father's eyes and ask him why. But instead I looked into the sky praising it that Aten wasn't being subjected to this. That is why I whispered Aten's name…to remind me of what and why I was allowing myself to go through getting my hair cut.

Hallelujah Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah

Aten's breathing slowed beside me as I held him. He kissed my chest in his sleep as he curled up beside me. His hair felt so soft, but it needed to be washed. Aten hadn't had a bath in a while. If I wanted to have him get a bath, I would have to….pay tomorrow for it. I sighed and just focused on Aten and his breathing. I pressed my fingers on Aten's neck to monitor his heartbeat. It was surprisingly still somewhat stable. This was actually surprising. I expected his heart to be giving him problems without the proper medication. I wonder what was keeping it going this way?

Well, Aten wasn't being subjected to a lot of things. I wouldn't let anyone put their hands on Aten! If I ever found Tim doing what he does to me on Aten, I couldn't be held responsible for my actions. His little eyes squinted in his sleep as I felt the pulse jump momentarily sporadically. Then it returned to normal again. He peacefully returned to his slumber. I leaned over and kissed my baby's forehead.

Maybe I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you

When my father was gone, I always had Bakura beside me. My father was a stranger to me. When daddy was gone, I was alone with Bakura. I was happier without my father.

But this isn't the first time I was taken away from him. Tim's father also kidnapped me and put me in the basement. He tried to rape me in the basement…well…at least Jessica did.

It wouldn't be the last time. I luckily heard Tim coming to the door and unlocking it. I put Aten in the closet knowing what Tim was coming for. I told Aten that he must not look out from the closet. He must close his eyes and no matter what he hears, do not come out.

He never did.

I was grateful that I managed to hide our makeshift bed away from view from the closet.

After Tim was done the first time, he dragged me upstairs. By the time I was returned downstairs, my resourceful boy found his way out of the closet.

I've seen your flag on the marble arch

Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

My father would never accept me and I've come to realize that. My father won't move..he won't budge. My father is like marble. I will never win his affection or his love. He may say that he is doing this out of love…but who believes him?

How can anyone to this to their own flash and blood and say it is an act of love? If this is how a parent is supposed to love their child, I don't want to be like my dad. I can't ever see putting Aten through this.

I cuddle Aten close to my chest and I could feel him shifting against my chest and stomach. It took everything not to cry out loud because of the bruises. For some reason, it felt abnormally cold in this basement tonight. I never felt it so cold. Aten didn't look bothered by the cold. Maybe it was just me.

Hallelujah Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah

Aten cuddled closer to me and he grabbed my thumb. He stuck it in his mouth and began to suck on it. I never knew why he did it. He curled up beside me and I reached down and covered both of us in a blanket. This place is so cold…but I could see tiny droplets of sweat coming from Aten. Did that mean he was hot? He wasn't running a fever. When I covered him with the blanket, He nuzzled his neck closer to me and brought his hands under his chin. He brought his knees up accidentally kicking a very tender rib of mine and he curled up. I smiled thinking that is how he looked during my ultrasound with him.

There was a time you'd let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?

Why won't you talk to me, dad? You used to be able to talk to me. What happened?

I want to tell you I still love you, daddy, but you won't listen. So…I've given up on saying I love you. You try to poison me, kidnap me, lock me in basements, and yet you say you are doing this because you love me.

And remember when I moved in you
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Everything changed between my father and I when Bakura entered our lives. At first, I was grateful for the companionship that Bakura gave me when my father was out on digs. That gratitude was quickly replaced with fear and anxiety. My father, who never really paid too much attention to me growing up, now called me to see how me and my yami were.

My father was grateful to hear my voice knowing how violent my yami had become towards me. When he was home, my dad would try to protect me, but when he left, there was no one around. My yami had me completely subservient to him.

But everything has changed. I now wished that I could hold my yami. I wanted to gaze up into my yami's eyes and to melt in those chocolate pools.

Hallelujah Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah

I looked down at Aten and I brush his tangled hair out of his face. He's so beautiful. His hair fell behind his tiny ear. Marik couldn't wait to pierce Aten's ears. Marik wanted Aten to wear similar earrings as himself. I ran my hands to Aten's side where I could feel every beat of his heart through the thin fabric of his shirt. Should I be able to feel a weak heart through fabric and skin? That didn't seem right. Every bump on Aten's ribs expanded as he drew in breath. Aten looked in miniature what I looked like living with my dad…thin and almost fragile.

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you

My father's idea of love always confused me. He loves me as long as I do what he thinks

I should do and how I should live.

Well, no matter how my father acts, I have no idea how I continue to live and breathe here.

And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

I felt like I wanted to cry. Every part of me hurt from being taken and beaten. But, at lest Aten was safe beside me. I felt a tear come down my face and I tried not to wake Aten. What would I say if he noticed me crying? Being such a sensitive child, he would know if I wasn't telling him the exact truth. He wouldn't want me to lie to him and tell him it was all going to be fine.

I covered his ears with my hand. I let out a long, loud cry into the basement. My wailing pierced through the entire house it seemed. I had to stop…my chest began to hurt and my ribcage began to sting. Tim was just too rough. He held me down and I couldn't move.

I couldn't have Aten hear me cry. I couldn't. If it wasn't for him…….

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Sleep tight, baby. Lie against me and let me listen to you breathe.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Sleep tight, baby. Beside my heart….right where you belong….right where you were from the start…..Beside my heart…Baby…of….Mine.

Next chappie: NCS AND BAKURA AND MARIK FIND RYOU