Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ As If! ❯ Duel with a Ghoul ( Chapter 8 )
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Spamfic | Uploaded On: 09.30.2002 | Pages: 5 | Words: 3.4K | Visits: 879 | Status: Completed
*Author's Note: I just noticed something. I go and I read fics, and I'm always very annoyed at responses to reviews because, hey, I started reading this thing months after it was finished, so I can't expect to see my name up there, and what do I care what everybody else asked? Especially since they're always so specific and don't give any indication what the original question was. Of course, I'm also firmly insistant that I don't like to read bloopers fics, and yet I write this. So go fig, huh?
Tasaki - Good point about the by-laws. I certainly know that I was thinking, "yes, and what if they're all killed in a car crash, or something? The company just collapses?" The only thing I can possibly say is -- of course -- "Japanese logic."
As for getting Joey back up on the ship... Errr... oh! I've got it! See, Yugi took off his belt and all his buckles, and used them to tie Joey to the ladder. *sweatdrops* Is this getting more improbable-sounding, or what?
PDM - If you want to call having that particular duelist, of all incidental duelists, become your namesake a compliment, then you're welcome.
SoulBonded - Your long review frightens and confuses me.
Hika - I would like to thank you VERY much for your help, without which this episode really would not have been possible. As payment, allow me to shamelessly plug your insanely popular LotR fic, The Pencil Show, at http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=607600 and your "speaker fic," BA-735, at http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=659561 which, although less insanely popular, is still one of the funniest things I've ever read, and is an original, too, so EVERYONE can read it. I do hope that any of my readers who are plagued with too much free time will give these a look, because they are DEFINITELY worth it, in my opinion.
Due to popular demand, I'm posting up Episode 8. Next will probably be Episode 26, since it's already mostly written (I couldn't help it! All the ideas were bouncing around in my head!), and then... I'm not sure. Plus, school is starting up soon, so I'm pretty much going to have to cut down to a single chapter a week, I'm afraid. I think I might stick with doing the most recent episodes once that becomes the case, because, as I said, I'm already obsessing over them anyways. So, yeah.
Catling: *idly playing with her tail* I don't see why school would really matter to you. You're a cat.
*As if on cue, Clarissa runs through with an armful of books, looking rather desperate and shouting things like, "I'm not ready yet! There's so much more studying to do!"*
DG: *watches her run past* See?
Catling: Ah. That DOES seem distracting.
DG: That doesn't even begin to cover it... *sighs* I think I'm going to go on a little trip. If you need me, I'll be somewhere, but I won't tell you where because you'd tell everyone else. How about seeing if you can get my other minions sober long enough to manage to fix the door while I'm gone?
Catling: *becoming increasingly interested in making sure her fur is all lying the right way* I'll consider trying to do that, sure.
DG: *shakes head and walks out, talking to self* I'd leave Ay in charge, but I'm not sure I really want an angel at my reception desk. Wrong image. Oh, well. At least they can't burn down something built in solid stone...
*Scene: They all stand around gasping.*
Kemo: Yugi, you don't have a ghost of a chance beating Kaiba because this time he is a ghost.
Kaiba's Ghost, hereafter called "Yami Kaiba" for no readily apparent reason: Hey! That was my line! ...and really not a good enough line to bother stealing.
*Scene: In between the ghost jokes.*
Kemo: It's a fact. Two witnesses saw him fall to his doom.
Mokuba: Liar! Take back what you said! I know my brother, and he wouldn't have gone anywhere would there would have been witnesses!
Kemo: But it's true. These were two of Pegasus's finest henchm... er... I mean, messengers.
*Everyone rolls their eyes at that.*
Joey: Of course, he's such a bad liar that maybe he was telling the truth before... *shudders*
*Scene: Disbelief from all sides.*
Yami: It's not him!
Kemo: Well, he's seen better days.
Tristan: *looks around* Hey, now that you mention it, it is a pretty day, isn't it?
Joey: Yeah... just enough clouds to keep the sun out of your eyes, but still nice an' bright.
Téa: Mmhmm!
*Scene: In the castle.*
Croquet: Who is Yugi dueling?
Pegasus: It's Kaiba -- what's left of him. The poor boy had shown so much promise.
Croquet: But now he's... it's... here.
Pegasus: Oh, do stop stammering, Croquet. It really doesn't suit you (not that much does)...
*Scene: Pegasus is willing to waste perfectly good breath on his minions.*
Croquet: How did you do that?
Pegasus: I really can't take all the credit. I had help from Yugi. And now, to return the favor, I'm going to teach him a lesson about the real power of the Millennium Items.
Croquet: Huh? But I thought you said it was Kaiba.
Pegasus: What? Oh, yes. I got talking about something else there for a moment, sorry. I just sent out a helicopter and they pulled him out of the water. No big deal.
*Scene: Back to the duel.*
Yami Kaiba: Yugi, you look like you've seen a ghost.
Yami: That's enough.
Yami Kaiba: What, is the guilt too much for you?
Yami: No. The jokes are just really, really lame.
*Scene: ...well, kinda. It'll be a bit until the duel ACTUALLY starts, I'm afraid.*
Yami Kaiba: I am no longer of this world, and it's all because of you. *Yami growls* I could have had it all, but when you beat me, you took more than just the match. You stole my life and destroyed my soul.
Yami: Really? I did all that? I'm touched! It's so good to know that I changed someone's life so profoundly.
*Scene: Chatting.*
Yami Kaiba: This time you won't beat my cards.
Yami: You might look like Kaiba, but there is no way you can imitate his deck.
*Yami Kaiba accidentally drops his hand, revealing five copied Blue-Eyes White Dragons.*
Joey: Why you cheatin' son of a...
*Scene: Cheerleading.*
Mokuba: Beat him, Yugi. He's nothing but a fake!
Joey: Yeah, that ghost don't even look like Kaiba!
Téa: That's right! Wait, I mean, it's not a ghost, and it's not Kaiba!
*Yami blinks.*
Tristan: Get him, Yugi!
Yami: Alright, from now on I'm just listening to Mokuba and ignoring you guys.
*Scene: Some intense staring.*
Yami Kaiba: Yugi, I know you can hear me.
Yami: Uhh... of course I can hear you. Nice ventriloquism act you've got there, though.
*Scene: It's supposed to be telepathic.*
Yami Kaiba: Yugi, I know you can hear me. I know you can sense my thoughts and I know that you can see the truth. I am Kaiba, but this time...
Yami: *telepathically* Hold that thought. If it's important enough that you remember it in half an hour, then maybe I'll listen to it. *broadcasts the Ancient Egyptian version of muzak*
*Scene: Actually, let's hear what he has to say.*
Yami Kaiba: ...but this time, you're dueling someone whose got nothing to lose.
Mokuba: Riiight, I'm actually supposed to believe that my big brother, who bought me a pony, a yacht, and that frickin' big statue of a penguin in the yard, is dueling so that I can remain in captivity. Uh-huh...
*Scene: Random spin effect.*
Yami Kaiba: Let's duel. *goes to pick up a hand of cards but fails, seeing as how he's a ghost and so made of nothing* Damn.
Mokuba: *blinks* Well, that's Seto, alright.
*Scene: They finally start playing, five minutes into the episode.*
Yami Kaiba: Guess I'll go first.
Téa: He makes it sound like such a chore...
*Scene: Yami Kaiba plays the Hitotsu-me Giant.*
Yami Kaiba: Hmm. Is something wrong? It's your turn to move, Yugi.
Yami: What? Nope, just trying to decide what to play. You only moved three seconds ago, after all.
*Scene: Gasping and whatnot.*
Mokuba: There's a card just like that in my brother's deck.
Joey: Hey, just 'cause it's the same card doesn't mean it's the same deck.
Yami: He's trying to confuse me by making the same opening move that Kaiba did.
Téa: Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't that be an awful lot of luck just to confuse Yugi? And it doesn't seem like that strong a card, especially for Kaiba, and risking starting off losing doesn't seem good...
*Scene: The Dark Magician blasts the Hitotsu-me Giant and 1300 life points on the first move.*
Yami Kaiba: You're as strong as ever, Yugi. *laughs*
Joey: Did you see that? That carbon-copy Kaiba is laughin'.
Téa: He's still doing it, Joey...
*Yami Kaiba's laughter takes on a rather hysterical edge.*
*Scene: This would sound far better if Yami Kaiba had more than 700 life points.*
Yami Kaiba: What are you thinking in that feeble brain of yours right now? I bet I know. You've come to the conclusion that no matter what, there's no way you can win. And you couldn't be more right. Even a simpleton like you now knows that I must be Seto Kaiba, and once you accept that fact you may as well accept defeat.
Yami: Actually, I'm thinking that if you are Seto Kaiba, then I feel sorry for you because you've clearly lost it. And I do hope that you bet something nice.
*Scene: Some snazzy music while Seto-kun sneaks into his own house.*
Disappear
Outta here
It was time to pay my dues
Creditor: *bangs on the door of the mansion* Mr. Kaiba, sir! I really need to talk to you about the payment of Mokuba's latest credit card bill!
*Kaiba quickly leaps out a back window and runs across his lawn to somewhere far, far away.*
Never guessed
That you'd be dressed
In my clothes and in my shoes
Kaiba: Uhh, Yami? What are you doing in my bedroom?
Yami: Stealing your clothes.
Kaiba: Right. Um... why?
Yami: Believe me, you do NOT want to see what Yugi normally wears.
You cut a niche
*A random person is seen hacking a hole in one of Kaiba's walls with a chisel.*
You moved right in
*The person sits down in the newly-made alcove, humming merrily.*
If I were you, I'd be concerned
Random Person: *worried* I'm not entirely sure this wall is structurally sound anymore...
Either way, you're comin' in
Random Person: Oh, heck with this! *opens up the front door and saunters inside the mansion, and then immediately calls a dozen good friends over for a party*
Betcha didn't count on my return
*Kaiba walks in, and everyone stops dancing to look at him.*
Kaiba: AGH! What are you DOING here? This is MY house!
Random Person: o.o I didn't think you'd be coming back!
I thought you were a soldier
You had it all under control
Téa: *blinks* I really don't see what that has to do with anything.
Music Producer: *sighs* Which is why you should never let computer-nerds write music.
Now enough is enough
I'm gonna take back what you stole
Kaiba: *runs around his house frantically grabbing food from Yugi-tachi, who had descended upon his house for a social call* MINE!!
Give it up, 'cause now I'm back
Give it up, 'cause now I'm back
Kaiba: *dances around* I'm feeling the need to repeat myself! Repeat myself!
*Mokuba nods solemnly and drags Seto off to a psychiatrist.*
*Scene: Considering the relative ease with which Kaiba broke into his basement, he evidently spends all his free time thinking up plots and counterplots.*
Computer: I thought I'd seen it all, but having to break into your own house?
Kaiba: Who said I had to? I just like the exercise.
*Scene: Chatting, or the lack thereof.*
Kaiba: It's too long a story for right now.
Computer: Too long a story? Well, maybe I'm not in such a talkative mood myself right now. *screen goes black*
Kaiba: *sighs* I knew I shouldn't have programmed my computers to have female personalities...
*Scene: Kaiba has the oddest fond note in his voice when talking to his computer.*
Computer: Such a smart guy. While you were off gallivantin', a hostile takeover of Kaiba Corporation has begun.
Kaiba: *just as sarcastic* There are non-hostile kinds?
*Scene: Alright, I concede defeat. Kaiba's computers actually ARE better company than the other characters on the show.*
Computer: If Yugi Moto can be defeated by Pegasus, or a competitor that represents him, then the new Kaiba Corporation board has promised him control of the company!
Kaiba: He won't win. Yugi is unbeatable. His deck has Exodia.
Computer: Yeah, well, there's always the chance that a once-in-history move is a once-in-a-lifetime one, too, you know.
*Scene: Kaiba's computer rocks.*
Computer: Yeah, well, sometime after you lost to Yugi, he lost Exodia.
Kaiba: No way! *groans* My computer is more in touch with the outside world than I am.
*Scene: The discussion moves on to Pegasus.*
Computer: Pegasus knows all about the corporation by-laws that require a living Kaiba heir to make any change of control legal. Mokuba's his prisoner.
Kaiba: Ohhh, that's different. When I couldn't find him in the mansion, I had presumed that he was off giving the candy shop owners big fat pensions.
*Scene: Kaiba programmed the most interesting lilt into his computer's voice.*
Computer: So now you know. Whadda we gonna do?
Kaiba: We? I've yet to see you do more than a newspaper could!
*Scene: Twistings of logic.*
Kaiba: I've got to make sure Pegasus doesn't defeat Yugi in a duel, no matter what.
Computer: Well, the easiest way to do that would be for Yugi to never get to the castle.
Kaiba: Right, but I think I'll help him out instead.
Computer: ... I am so thoroughly confused.
*Scene: Back to the duel.*
Yami: Are you here to play head games or Duel Monsters?
Yami Kaiba: Head games, definitely.
*Scene: Kaiba's ghostie holds up a card.*
Yami Kaiba: This next card's a blast from the past, Yugi... with the emphasis on "blast."
Téa: Actually, when you said it, the emphasis was on "past" as well as "blast." You should never have to say that you're putting emphasis on something.
*Scene: Blue-Eyes White Dragon.*
Mokuba: That means, what they say... could it be true?
Tristan: Seems a bit fishy to me. How is a ghost more likely to have his own deck than somebody else?
Téa: Ignore it. We're supposed to believe it.
*Scene: Yami's willing to go one step towards apologizing...*
Yami: So this really is Kaiba's deck. There's no other explanation.
Téa: Well, I wouldn't go that far. I mean, maybe Pegasus kept a few Blue-Eyes for himself, and gave this guy one. It's possible!
*Scene: ...but no more.*
Yami Kaiba: Don't worry, Yugi. My feelings weren't hurt when you called me a liar.
Yami: Good, because I'm still calling you that!
Mokuba: *singsong* Liar, liar, liiiiiar!
*Scene: The Blue-Eyes looks disturbingly like it's wearing black underwear.*
Yami Kaiba: Not having a real body isn't so bad. You would not believe what I save in food bills alone.
Yami: Actually, I of all people would.
*Scene: Ghosts run at the mouth.*
Yami Kaiba: But I still get to enjoy the finer things in life, like revenge, and I'm going to savor its sweet taste for a very long time.
Joey: Well, guess that solves the question 'bout whether there's an afterlife or not.
*Scene: Back to Kaiba, where they're searching for Yugi.*
Computer: Access denied?!
Kaiba: What did you do wrong?!
Computer: Don't blame me. I finally found the security, and it's all around Yugi's data!
Kaiba: Re-eally? Makes me want to help out Yugi indirectly by messing with all the other duelists, just to teach Pegasus not to be so flip.
*Scene: Kaiba loves a challenge.*
Kaiba: *smiles* Fine by me, Pegasus. Go ahead and give it your best shot. There isn't a computer system anywhere on Earth that I can't break into.
*The defense departments of all the major nations quickly swarm around the Kaiba mansion.*
*Scene: Kaiba also spends a lot of time talking to his computer. Of course, it appreciates him.*
Kaiba: Here's the thing: Every computer has a back door, if you know where to look.
Computer: *voice quavering* Even me?
Kaiba: No, not you. I'm perfect.
*Scene: Kaiba takes over on manual.*
Computer: Are you sayin' we can make their computer crash... from here? But how?
Kaiba: What, a computer that's never heard of a virus?
*Scene: The computer loads a search for the Dark Magician.*
Kaiba: Good. If Yugi's dueling, he's sure to use that card.
Computer: Isn't that putting an awful lot of faith on him having already played it but it not yet having been beaten?
Kaiba: Oh, do keep your comments to yourself.
*Scene: They break into the satellite with much clever use of Kaiba's theme.*
Computer: You are now the proud owner of an Industrial Illusions satellite.
Kaiba: Great. *sighs* Gain a million, lose a million, I guess.
Computer: Much more than that!
*Kaiba sighs again, more deeply this time.*
*Scene: Down goes the satellite...*
Kaiba: Pegasus! You're on notice that the Kaiba Corporation's still mine!
Computer: I'm sure the hundreds of other people you'll kill with this will be much comforted by that thought.
*Scene: In the light of day.*
Yami Kaiba: I won't attack just yet. Why rush to victory when I can draw it out as long as possible instead? *plays something face down*
Yami: Huh? There's more to it than that. He's hiding some sort of magic card, I know it.
Téa: That seems a little silly. I mean, wouldn't you want it to be as close a match as possible, in order to have it last longer?
Joey: Dead people's logic.
*Scene: Back to Kaiba.*
Computer: Field 146 is the final active duel.
Kaiba: Then... he's gotta be there!
Computer: Isn't it possible that he's currently between duels? Perhaps looking for lunch, or something?
Kaiba: No! He must be dueling!!
*The lights dim as the computer cowers in fear.*
*Scene: Kaiba's computer has amazing reboot time.*
Kaiba: Hang on. Watch this. *types* Gotcha. Just as I thought. So, a virus. A good one. That means just one thing: Searching for Yugi's cards activates the virus.
Computer: Couldn't you have thought of that a little earlier?!
*Scene: A security fortress with an obvious password is like a vault with three-foot-thick walls and a combination lock on its factory preset.*
Kaiba: If I know Pegasus, that egomaniac would never think that anyone would outsmart him and get even this far.
Computer: Well, do you know Pegasus?
Kaiba: Hmm? Oh, yes. We have tea together ever Thursday.
*Scene: Over in Mokuba's neck of the woods, the kid's shouting his brother's praises.*
Mokuba: Everyone thinks he's a bad guy, but I know my brother and he's not mean like this! He's my best friend in the whole world.
Tristan: Man, you really need to get out more, kid.
*Scene: Yami plays Magical Hats.*
Yami Kaiba: Hmm. Are you so desperate that you have your Dark Magician doing simple hat tricks?
Yami: Yes. Yes, I am.
*Scene: There is probably a mathematical formula dictating the change of the amount of time between cuts.*
Kaiba: Pegasus thinks he can make up all the rules in this game, but he could never have imagined this brand-new twist: I'm back!
Computer: Quite right. I'm sure he believed his lackeys when they told him you were dead.
Kaiba: I'd say that if he wanted the job done right, he should have done it himself, but looking at this computer system, I don't think it would have helped.