Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ As If! MST of Millennium Dark ❯ Is it over? ( Chapter 1 )

*Author's Note: Greetings and salutations! DarkGatomon here, this time with an extraordinarily-belated Christmas present for my good friend, Sasha Janre-Ishtar. Since this is a present for her (and not a very good one, I'll be the first to admit), it's an As-If!-style MST of her YGO fanfic, "Millennium Dark" (which can be found at http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/24875 ). For those of you who haven't read my original As If! (a MSTing of the show itself), these AREN'T bloopers. They're fake in-character conversations that build off of real scenes -- kind of like dozens of alternate endings. Whether or not they're funny... is open to debate.

On a related note, neither Sasha nor I own YGO or its characters. Also, I don't own "Millennium Dark," and that story itself is a response to a challenge by artist Lizeth. Which, I think, puts all credit where it's due...

Before I start the funny stuff, since this is a friendly MST, I'd like to comment on some of my favorite things in the story. For this chapter, my favorite cleverness has to be Yami using a payphone to call Yugi. I make more jokes about that scene than any other, but it's actually very realistic that he wouldn't want someone to find that many calls to Millennium Light on his cell phone bill. I'd never have been that clever if I'd been writing it.

As for my favorite line, that would have to be in the phone call itself. I'll quote:

"Yami! I was wondering when you'd call! How was your day?"

"Utter, utter hell, little one. But I'm feeling better now that I'm talking to you."

It's so wonderfully, wonderfully sweet -- and, yes, I can identify with it, too. Of course, there are many other great things in this story and this chapter, but I can't list them all, so I highly recommend you read the whole fic and find them for yourself! Of course, reading this MST is also highly recommended, too. ^_~ *

Chapter One: Is it over?

*Scene: Millennium Dark lounges around their hotel room, grumbling and groaning.*

Bakura: Remind me never again to agree to something as stupid as this publicity tour. *flops into chair* I friggin' hurt in places I never knew could hurt before!

Shadi: *doing up his hair* We're all tired, Bakura. And we're also all fine with your relationship with Malik. But if you want to be more comfortable while performing, I suggest you keep your affection more sedate while we're on tour.

*Bakura grumbles*

*Scene: The Darkies could keep bitching for hours...*

Malik: *lounges across Bakura* Does anyone know what hell we're going through tomorrow?

Bakura: *lazily* Probably the fifth realm.

Malik: Which is that? The one with the purple frogs?

Bakura: Yep, think so...

Shadi: ...

Yami: *pats him sympathetically* It's alright, Shadi, man. They're just insane.

Shadi: *hangs his head*

*Scene: Manager Seto walks in and starts ranting about all the interviews his boys have tomorrow.*

Seto: Finally, you've got to spend at least an hour and a half at Much Music, doing an Intimate and Interactive with George...his last name's too flipping long...

Malik: I'll say! *counts on his fingers* T-o-o-f-l-i-...

*Seto and Shadi groan, while Bakura takes the opportunity to grab Malik's wrist and start kissing his fingers*

Yami: *mutters* God damn show-offs... they do it on purpose... >_<

*Scene: Amazingly, George's real last name, Stroumboulospoulos, is longer even than that.*

Seto: Anyway, after those three, you've got two meet and greets at a two malls.

Shadi: *raises an eyebrow* A Two Malls? I didn't know Toronto had one of those. Pretty big, aren't they?

Bakura: *lights up* Awesome! We've been waiting for a chance to look at wedding rings.

Malik: *beams* We're sure to pass through some place that allows gay marriages on this Godforsaken tour!

Bakura: A foreign wedding would be very stylish, don't you think?

Seto: *groans and latches onto Joey as he walks past, muttering* Damn it, if they get married, do I have to give them time off for a honeymoon?

Joey: ... o.o

*Scene: Seto tells the gang about the 17-hour plane trip to Tokyo, and then wisely flees as Yami's Puzzle starts to glow.*

Seto: *pokes his head back in* You've got rehearsal in half an hour. *hastily leaves the band to their cursing*

Bakura: *hisses* How the hell does he expect us to rehearse of all things when we can't even move!

Shadi: *pats Bakura sympathetically* Well there's nothing we can do about it now.

Bakura: *eyes glint dangerously* Wanna test that?

Shadi: *raises an eyebrow* You remember how long it took us to find a label? You want to go through all that again?

Malik: It wouldn't be that hard to forge a contract... *sees Shadi's stern look, and subsides, grumbling* Fine, fine...

*Scene: Dark-tachi settles down to kill the time while their equipment's set up by watching some remarkably predestined TV featuring a reporter raving about Millennium Light's lead singer.*

Malik: That kid may have stolen your hair, but he doesn't look like he's any better than you are. What kind of cheap drugs is this woman on?

Yami: Shh. Let's just see.

Bakura: Yeah, she might tell us where to find some!

*Scene: The reporter asks Yugi about his beau.*

Yugi: *on TV* He's got a lot of talent, and it clearly shows in his lyrics. *Yami blushes* And for the record, he stole my hairstyle, not the other way around! *Yami chuckles*

Shadi: *whispers* Yami, did you just chuckle at what Yugi Motou just said?

Yami: Um, no, no I didn't. You must be hearing things, Shadi.

Shadi: ...right, that's what I just said.

Yami: *rolls his eyes* Okay, fine! You weren't hearing things. You were hearing not-things. Okay?!

Shadi: *nods* Better.

*Scene: Shadi doesn't buy Yami's smooth cover-up.*

Shadi: Right. Well I hope you haven't gone mad from sleep deprivation. We need you alive before the first leg of our tour starts.

Bakura: *rejoins the conversation, having ascertained that he's not showing up on TV, too* After that first bit, though, it's fine! We just need two weeks' notice before sticking ya in the whacko ward so that we can put the finishing touches on our replacement robot.

Yami: ... *gets a rather insecure and paranoid look*

*Scene: Yami feels that fleeing the scene is the best way to avoid unwanted questions, and saunters down to the lobby to find a payphone.*

Yami: I just called to say I love you, Yugi. I have to go now. We have rehearsal soon.

Yugi: *sighs* I understand. We've got a lot of work to do since we're going on tour soon.

Yami: ...we're still talking about different bands, right?

Yugi: Er, yeah! I mean, Millennium Light is going soon, too. I mean, we're also touring now. I mean...

Yami: *sweatdrops* Right, yeah, I know whacha mean. ... *pause* ...well, g'night, Yugi.

Yugi: *still blushing shamefully* 'Night!

*Yami and Yugi hang up, shaking their heads and whacking them, respectively*

*Scene: Yami hangs up the phone and goes back to the room, wherein he's promptly stared at by Malik*

Yami: What's the matter?

Malik: *clutching his Millennium Rod* Where were you? You were gone for quite some time. We almost left without you.

Yami: *eyes widen* Calm down, Malik! I was just down in the lobby getting some fresh air. There's no need to get all violent about it!

Malik: *licks the blade of his Rod* No? I remember telling you before not to go down there alone. You know how many paparazzi stalk us...

Yami: *cowers and whimpers* I didn't mean to...!

*Scene: Same, because it looks so funny in my mind.*

Malik: *clutching the Millennium Rod* Where were you? You were gone for quite some time. We almost left without you.

Shadi: *stares fixedly at his Ankh and refuses to be drawn into the conversation*

Bakura: *suffers from rampant ADD and absently touches his Millennium Eye*

Yami: *thinking* Crap, was I really gone that long? Be calm, Yami. *aloud* I went down to... to... Damn it, Bakura, stop doing that! It's just gross!

Bakura: ... >:-D *poke, poke*

*Scene: "Once you pop, you just can't stop!"*

Malik: Where were you? You were gone for quite some time. We almost left without you.

Yami: I went down to the lobby to get some fresh air and I couldn't get away from the press that had sneaked their way into the hotel.

Bakura: *blinks* So what happened to that $20 roll of quarters you were carrying?

Yami: Ahh, well, as I said, there was a lot of press down there, so I kinda had to throw the quarters at them to escape.

Malik: Uhhuh.

Yami: *stares vacantly off into space* I think I hit one of them on the head... he fell over screaming and then he kinda stopped moving...

Shadi: o.o

Bakura: !!

*Scene: Finally moving on a line or two, Malik verbally and physically lambastes Yami for falling victim to the paparazzi.*

Yami: *rubs his head and mutters* I hope you know that every day, you're starting to sound a little bit more like Shadi.

Shadi: I resent that!

Bakura: Yeah, hate to think you're having an affect on people, eh, Shadi? Horrors above, you might even *change* someone someday!

*Scene: Shadi suggests they get a move on as the others continue their sniping.*

Bakura: Shut up. Let's just get this over with, all right? I want to sleep.

Malik: *latches his arms around Bakura's neck again, tucking his Millennium Rod into Bakura's belt* Sure, sleep's good, too...

Bakura: *grumbles* Hentai!

Yami: *covers his eyes and strides from the room* I'm just baaarely paid enough to put up with this...

*Scene: Millennium Dark finally shuffles off to practice, joined after a while by Manager Seto, Assistant Mokuba, and Spokesman Joey.*

Joey: Do you remember when we were recording the first album? I thought they were all gonna kill each other.

Seto: *groans* I'd like not to relieve that nightmare.

Joey: Really? I'd've thought that'd be one of the first things you'd try to block!

Seto: "You learn from pain," that's how I've always lived...

*Scene: Same again, only maybe actually funny this time.*

Joey: Do you remember when we were recording the first album? I thought they were all gonna kill each other.

Seto: *groans* I'd like not to relieve that nightmare. We almost didn't have a band left to finish the album, much less tour. Malik kept trying to stab everyone with the Millennium Rod, and Shadi kept whacking people over the head with that Ankh of his, not to mention Yami twirling his like a mace. I ended up confiscating them all 'til they signed a waiver.

Joey: Yowwee... *frowns* Wait, even the Millennium Eye?

Seto: That was definitely the worst one.

Joey: ...gghh... uhh, excuse me! *runs from the room, looking distinctly sick*

*Scene: More reminiscing.*

Seto: *looks at Bakura and Malik* And those two. I won't ever forget when they sprang on us that they were a couple.

Joey: *chuckles* Oh yea, that wasn't exactly your finest hour. You were so off the ball.

Seto: *shakes head* Yeah, I really should've realized it when I kept finding Malik in Bakura's bed in the morning. I just figured it was situational homosexuality.

Joey: ...you really need to get more prostitutes for your boys, man.

Seto: *sighs* I know, I know...

*Scene: When the MSTing gets tough, the MSTer MSTs more. Or something.*

Joey: Oh yea, that wasn't exactly your finest hour. Fresh off a caffeine hangover and stressed beyond belief, I'm sure it wasn't the best time to find out that those two were together.

Seto: Especially since I'd just gotten back from a press conference defending against those very charges.

Joey: They've got a good sense of dramatic timing, I'll give 'em that.

*Scene: With the amount Seto's shaking his head, he must've gotten water in his ears, poor guy.*

Seto: This publicity is ridiculous. I know they hate me for getting you to booking them into all this crap, but it's not like I have a choice. They have to get the word out of their album since we're so close to finishing it.

Joey: *wrinkles his nose* Yeah, you heard that new stuff Yami's been writing? I never heard somethin' so preachy in my life! Who'd of thought a guy in leather and buckles could act that righteous?

*A/N: "Get the word out," "get the Word out," get it? ...yeah, I thought not. Oh, well.*

*Scene: The band finishes rehearsing, and works on their sweating.*

Seto: *calls over* You guys did good! You earned your rest.

Bakura: Well thank God! *puts his guitar away, ogled by Malik*

Yami: So how much until we earn something to drink and a bed, too?

Seto: Another hour and a half.

Bakura: ... *groans, curses, and picks up his guitar again*

*Scene: Same, based less entirely upon script format...*

Bakura: Well thank God! *puts his guitar on the stand*

Malik: *watches fondly as Bakura treats the guitar like a child* Hey, Bakura-love, why are you kicking your guitar?

Bakura: *glares and gives it another kick* It was looking at me insolently.

Malik: *laughs gently, wraps his arms around Bakura's neck, and kisses his cheek* Don't ever change!

*Scene: Millennium Dark flees the horror of the performance room, but Seto stops Yami on his way out the door.*

Yami: Yes, Seto?

Seto: You've got one thing to do that doesn't involve the rest of the band.

*Yami raises an eyebrow*

Seto: Well, it's... That is to say, I... well... Recently...

Yami: Oh. Ah. Well, I'm sorry, Seto, but... I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. So... I'm going to go join the rest of the band now, and that'll be that, okay?

Seto: *brokenly* Yes, I-I understand. Of course, I... yes. Well, alright, I'll be seeing you tomorrow, then.

*Yami pats him sympathetically and walks out of the room*

*Scene: I would like to say that this final scene about Yami's interview with Yugi would be less slashy, but that would be lying. And I don't like to lie. When I'll be disproven in three seconds.*

Seto: But Yami... there's bound to be a highly profiled rivalry between Millennium Dark and Millennium Light. I want you to --

Yami: Protect the integrity of the band. I'll do just that.

Seto: I know you will. Thank you.

Yami: No problem. ... ah, so, I guess that means no jumping on Yugi on national TV then, huh?

Seto: ...yes, I think beating up the lead singer of Millennium Light would indeed be bad PR.

Yami: That wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

Seto: ...

Yami: Ah, I mean, I was planning on being more violent than that! Taking out our competition once and for all! That sort of thing! *laughs falsely and flees the room*

Seto: ... *rubs his head and sighs* I'm not liking the way this week's going at all...