Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ As If! of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie ❯ Chapter Two ( Chapter 2 )
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Spamfic | Uploaded On: 11.03.2005 | Updated On: 11.05.2005 | Pages: 6 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 504 | Status: Completed
*Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait, all! You know how life gets, though. As a reminder, if you go to my webpage, you can read the version of this with hysterically captioned screencaps by Sasha Janre. It's really worth it, if you ask me! If you head over there, though, do please consider coming back and leaving a review. I really love the feedback!
Also, this chapter is dedicated to my cat, Rosemary. Get better soon, Rosey! Ganbatte yo!*
*Scene: Yugi goes running out of the museum to find Mokuba conveniently just pulling up in Kaiba's limo. I wonder, does Kaiba have Yugi bugged?*
Mokuba: Yugi! Yugi, I've been looking all over for you! My brother sent me to find you, and he said that it's real important that you bring your Duel Disk right away!
Yugi: What? I can understand him wanting to duel me, but you'd think he'd have a couple extra Duel Disks lying around! Making his guests bring their own seems a bit harsh.
Mokuba: Oh, well, he doesn't actually want to duel you right now. It's just that the Duel Disks have a fatal flaw in them, and he thinks they might explode! He'll be putting out the announcement tomorrow, but he has such a personal grudge against you that he doesn't want anything to happen to you, so he wants you to bring yours in for repairs right away!
*Scene: Same, by Sasha.*
Mokuba: My brother sent me to find you, and he said that it's real important that you bring your Duel Disk right away!
Yugi: Wait, so he's okay, then?
Mokuba: ... *raises an eyebrow* That's a trick question, right?
Yugi: ... No?
*Scene: Homage to "Prisoner of Azkaban in 15 Minutes."*
Yugi: Wait, so he's okay, then?
Mokuba: I wouldn't say he's "okay." All I know is that Seto hasn't been acting like himself lately. I think he's gonna totally lose it!
Téa: I think I saw a porno like this once.
*Scene: Having spent the afternoon watching the dubbed Yu Yu Hakusho movie, let me take a moment to thank the creators of the Yu-Gi-Oh! movie for using the real voice actors.*
Tristan: *walking down the street rubbing his head* Way to hold back that crowd, Champ.
Joey: Oh, like you helped! *laughing* Then again, you duel worse than my mom! *snickers*
Fans: ...
*A/N: ... I can't believe he did a "your mom" joke in a children's movie...*
*Scene: Best answer I've come up with so far to Tristan's question.*
Joey: Check it out!
Tristan: What's Kaiba's limo doing at Yugi's place?
Yugi: *standing in the Game Shop's doorway waving as the limo pulls away* Thank you, please come again!
Tristan: *runs over* Hey, what was that all about, man?
Yugi: Huh? Oh, Kaiba wanted a Chinese Checkers set, and since he knows me and all, he thought he'd give my shop the business!
Tristan: Well, that was awfully nice of him!
Yugi: Yeah! ^_^
*Scene: Yugi regards the talking, prescient elevators in Kaiba's building with merely a vaguely interested "Hm!" and quickly focuses his attention inward to the hallways of his soul. Scene by Sasha.*
Yugi: It's too much of a coincidence that Kaiba would send for us right after the vision we had at the museum!
Yami: They're probably working together, those scoundrels!
Yugi: Uh, Yami, that's a bit impossible ...
Yami: Anubis's evil knows no bounds!
Yugi: ... Yes, but, there's --
Yami: How dastardly! I didn't think Kaiba would stick to such lows to defeat me!
Yugi: ... I give up. -_-;
*Scene: My own scene at the end of their conversation.*
Yugi: I sure wish we knew more about what happened back in your past.
Yami: All that matters is that we face the future together!
Yugi: And I wouldn't have it any other way. Are you ready, partner?
Yami: Ready!
Yugi: Good luck hug?
Yami: No.
Yugi: Aww...
*Scene: Joey and Tristan somehow managed to chase Yugi to Kaiba's place on foot. Or maybe they just know where Kaiba lives by heart. At least we now know that Kaiba has only one car, however!*
Joey: *running inside* Kaiba's car is outside, so Yugi must be here!
Tristan: *sarcastic* Wow, you're a regular Sherlock Holmes! Did you figure that out all by yourself?
Mokuba: *standing by the elevator, randomly* Hey! Yugi's upstairs.
Joey: Hey! What's goin' on? What're you doing here?
Mokuba: I... live here?
Joey: Likely story... *eyes him suspiciously*
*Tristan sighs*
*Scene: I'm not sure whether the hypnotic motion of Kaiba's cape or the truly unimpressive holographic displays of Yami's monsters that Kaiba walks through to enter the Duel Dome surprises me more.*
Kaiba: *smiling* Welcome! Glad you came to duel, Yugi. 'Cause this time, things are gonna be different.
Yami: *sighs heavily* You say that every time, Kaiba. *twirls the chain of the Puzzle around his finger, bored* You want to actually have a chance this time? Maybe if you bet that it'd take me more than five moves to beat you, then I'd have a challenge!
Kaiba: So is that a deal, then?
Yami: No.
Kaiba: *mutters curses*
*Scene: Kaiba abbreviates "Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon" as "B-E-Ultimate Dragon" in his Yami-dueling simulation. Fascinating!*
Not-very-sassy Female Computer: Initiating duel simulation. Calculating player strength. God Cards destroyed!
Kaiba: *laughs happily* What fun! This is so much more enjoyable when I simply program the computer to make Yugi lose! I should have thought of this before!
*Scene: Mokuba rides a spiffy Gundam-boarding mechanism up to the control booth, instantly setting to work turning on the giant Duel Screen and other controls.*
Kaiba: I hope you brought your Egyptian God Cards. Otherwise this duel isn't gonna be any fun at all!
Yami: Kaiba, I'm sensing the presence of something far more dangerous than you could possibly imagine!
Mokuba: *to himself, over Kaiba's ranting* Knowing Seto's sense of imagination, that really isn't all that difficult, Yugi...
*Scene: Kaiba insists with surprising accuracy that the dangerous presence he senses is in his deck.*
Kaiba: Mokuba! Seal all of the exits!
Mokuba: *resigned* If you say so.
Kaiba: *smiling as he watches the gates slam down; to Yami* Now, Mokuba -- there's someone who behaves reasonably.
Yami: *mentally* Would it be wrong of me to tell him how disapproving Mokuba's being right now?
Yugi: *mentally* Yes, Yami, it would!
Yami: *sighs* You never let me have any fun...
*Scene: Perhaps if Yugi didn't want to duel, he shouldn't've put his Duel Disk on.*
Yugi: *mentally* Something tells me that this duel is not a good idea!
Yami: *relays the message* Kaiba! Why don't you stop thinking about yourself for once and listen to what I'm telling you?!
Kaiba: Let's see... *counts on his fingers* That would be because I don't like you, I don't trust you, and I don't believe a thing you're saying!
Yami: *surprised* Well, hard to argue with that.
*Scene: I'd whine about how the dubbers seem to have neglected to voice some of the cheerleaders' lines, but on reflection, maybe that's not such a bad thing.*
Kaiba: You're in no position to be making demands, so shut up and duel! *they unfold their Duel Disks* And may the best duelist win.
Yami: *shoving his deck in* But Kaiba, I'm telling you that I don't want to duel!
Kaiba: *draws his cards and lays some down* Come on, you big pansy, don't tell me you're afraid!
Yami: *draws a card and plays it* Never! I simply think this isn't wise!
Kaiba: Well, la-di-dah!
*Twenty minutes later, Yami creams Kaiba.*
Yami: ...so I'll ask you once again, please let me go! I will not duel you!
Kaiba: *staring at his depleted life point counter* ... Uhh...? Yeah, of course. We'll play some other time, then. *waves vaguely towards the door*
Yami: Thank you. *walks away, as Mokuba thumbs off the lock*
Tristan: Uh, what just happened there, buddy?
Joey: I'm not entirely sure...
*Scene: Joey and Tristan enjoy their nice balcony view.*
Tristan: I guess Yugi's going through with this!
Joey: Kaiba ain't leaving him much choice!
Tristan: You mean, besides saying "no"?
Joey: Sayin' "no"?! The fate of the world's at stake, Tristan!
Tristan: Since when?!
Joey: Since Yuge accepted the duel, that's when!
Tristan: ... *sweatdrops* Right...
*Scene: Yami's Queen's Knight destroys Kaiba's Familiar Knight. Rare Metal Dragon instantly takes its place.*
Yami: By destroying your Knight, I've activated its special ability, which allows you to play a new beast in its place.
Joey: What?! Yugi's lost it! Why would he let Kaiba play a monster with 2400 Attack Points?!
Tristan: Well, if he didn't, wouldn't the Knight be able to attack him later? And wouldn't he not be able to attack Kaiba's Life Points with it still there?
Joey: ... *stares at him* Sometimes I don't even know who you are, Tristan.
*Scene: Yami plays Queen's Knight and Jack's Knight, and Kaiba counters with the Pyramid of Light face-down. When Yami touches the next card on his deck to draw, it crackles with lightning. He smiles, and draws Slifer.*
Yugi: *delighted* An Egyptian God Card!
Yami: *blinks, mentally* Of course. What did you think that lightning was about? I was summoning it.
Yugi: Oh... I see! How handy.
*Scene: Everyone's been smiling a lot recently. That strikes me as an ominous sign.*
Kaiba: Not only am I not afraid of your God Cards, but I'm going to force you to summon all three of them at once! Thanks to my Obligatory Summon Magic Card, you have to bring out every monster in your deck that's in the same category as the one that's on the field already.
Yami: *taken aback* Very well, then, I play two more Egyptian God Cards -- Obelisk the Tormentor and the Winged Dragon of Ra!
*The cards light up, shaking the entire foundation of the Duel Dome as they bring forth light and shadows into the forms of the Gods. Yami screams, and falls to his knees, panting.*
Yami: I'd forgotten... Your duels are like Shadow Games... summoning all three Egyptian Gods within the space of five minutes takes a lot of energy!
Kaiba: *laughs maniacally* Then my plan is working perfectly!! I shall be victorious!
*Scene: Mokuba appears a little freaked out at having three God Cards at eye level.*
Yami: You've allowed me to assemble the three strongest and most feared creatures in Duel Monsters, Kaiba! A foolish mistake.
Kaiba: *laughs* It's no mistake! My entire strategy was to draw out your three Egyptian God Cards, so I can be the first duelist to crush all of them at once!
Yami: Don't you think it might be a bit more reasonable to try simply beating me first?
Kaiba: Sure, but I'm a busy man, Yugi! I don't have time to be playing games with you whenever I get the whim!
Yami: ...
Yugi: ^_^;;
*Scene: I'm a bit surprised that the CC people decided to use my basic capitalization system, when I really had nothing to base it on in the beginning.*
Kaiba: Reveal Trap Card! Pyramid of Light!
Yami: *thinking* So the Pyramid of Light is more than just an ancient artifact! It's also a card!
Yugi: *mentally* Uh, but wouldn't it be even more surprising if we knew of the Pyramid of Light as a card, and then discovered it was a real item? I mean, for all we know, Pegasus printed up this card last week!
Yami: Do you really think Pegasus would do something like that?
Yugi: Um, yeah?
*Scene: Kaiba looks rather pleased with the animation he programmed the Pyramid of Light to have. Yami looks outright surprised.*
Kaiba: Looks like your so-called unstoppable monsters have been stopped!
Yami: Impossible!
Kaiba: *watching the blue pyramid walls go up* See for yourself!
Yami: Um... *looks around* It's all blue. I can't see through it to see whether they're stopped or not!
Kaiba: *groans and rubs his forehead* Geez, you're dense...
*Scene: Mokuba stands up to get a better look, because he's short! Hee hee! Ha ha! I laugh at him!*
*Obelisk reaches for the pyramid wall, but gets electrocuted and pulls his hand back with an unhappy Wookie roar.*
*Slifer and Ra try with the same results, and cry out like pained dinosaurs from Jurassic Park.*
Obelisk: ... *tries grabbing the Pyramid again, and once again draws back with a roar*
*Slifer and Ra repeat their motions again, as well*
Mokuba: Wow. For Gods, those guys sure aren't bright.
*Scene: Yugi gets shocked by Anubis and forced into the Millennium Puzzle, but Joey and Tristan are more freaked out about the giant Millennium Eye on the Pyramid, seeing as how they can actually see that one.*
Tristan: Ohh, man, not more freaky magic!
Joey: This weird stuff always happens when Yugi duels!
Tristan: I keep telling you we should steal his dueling deck sometime!
Joey: Yeah, but don't tell me you wanna hafta deal with his other half!
Tristan: *groans* I'm really not sure which part is worth it!
*Scene: Joey "insults" the giant eye by demanding to know just what it's looking at, and a second later a huge wind starts blowing them into the center.*
Joey: Just hang on, man!
Tristan: *grappling with the railing* Easier said than done, Joey!
*A few moments of struggling and shouting later, their souls are ripped from their bodies. They hover in mid-air for a moment as their bodies fall back to the ground. Don't ask me how the wind suddenly stopped affecting them.*
Tristan: Wow, do I always look that dorky when I'm asleep?
Joey: Well, I dunno 'bout you, but I for one think I look kinda handsome there!
Tristan: You would!
*Moment over, they finally get sucked into the eye.*
*Scene: Focus on Mokuba, also known as the Only Kaiba with Promise.*
Mokuba: *watching everything from up above* This is crazy! *the ceiling suddenly starts collapsing above him, making him cry out and do a hasty reconnaissance before beating it back to the ground floor*
Random Worker Guy: Ah! Mr. Mokuba, sir! Do you think Mr. Kaiba will be all right with you leaving your post like that?
Mokuba: Huh? Oh... well, I guess maybe not... *looks up at the roof as the transport machinery gets smashed* Pity I don't think I can actually get up there anymore, though...
*Scene: I'm ignoring the way the Puzzle suddenly changes orientation in Yami's hands so as to always face the camera. I'm ignoring it. I'm ignoring it. I'm ignoring it! ARGH!*
Yami: Yugi... where are you?! *looks up, seething with anger* Kaiba! Do you have any idea what you've just done?!
Kaiba: *chuckles* Well, let's see! I think I've just beaten you! *laughs*
Mokuba: *magically able to see through the Pyramid of Light* Um, am I the only one who thinks that Yugi's probably thinking, "Actually, you've just sealed your own fate"? 'Cause while I have the utmost fate in my big brother... *looks around* Oh, wait, no-one's here. Guess I am the only one thinking that, then.
*Scene: Yugi talks to himself. Isn't that cute? ^_^ *
Yugi: *wakes up inside Yami's Escher print* Hey, wait a sec. This place looks kind of familiar! This is where the Pharaoh's spirit lives! Inside the Millennium Puzzle! I've got to find him so we can reconnect! *looks around* I'm pretty sure that one of these rooms belongs to him... Question is, which one? There must be a million doorways in this place!
Yami: *shows up, hands on hips* "Which room belongs to me?" you ask? Isn't that a bit rude? You just said yourself this is where I live, and yet you claim this place isn't really mine? What, do you think you own it? Is that it? *crosses arms and turns away in a huff*
Yugi: What? No, Yami, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that!
Yami: *sniffs* Well, it's a little late for that!
*Scene: The camera shows Joey and Tristan lying on the ceiling, then shows things from their point of view, then flips upside down to not-so-clearly show that they were in fact on the ceiling. End result -- cheerleaders once again upside-down, viewers confused and nauseated.*
Joey: Tristan, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!
Tristan: It looks like some weird maze! And man, I think you and I are the lab rats!
Joey: Yeah! A weird maze not in Kansas!
Tristan: *rolls eyes* Yeesh, Joey, I heard you the first time! Yes, we're not in Kansas! We were never in Kansas!
Joey: *hurt* Hey, I thought that joke was pretty funny...
Tristan: Well, it wasn't.
*Scene: Yugi opens door after door, one with each question. Funneh mental image by Skye.*
Yugi: Hello? Hello? Pharaoh? Pharaoh, are you here? Pharaoh?
Yami Bakura: *jumps out from behind a door* RAAAA!
Yugi: Aeeei! x_x
Bakura: *throws his head back and laughs* It was worth hanging around in this hellhole just for that!
*Scene: Same scene of Yugi running around searching for Yami, only this time by Sasha.*
Yugi: Pharaoh? Pharaoh, are you here? Pharaoh?
Yami: ... You know, I have a name, aibou. Calling me by that would make this a lot less difficult.
*Scene: A final, utterly un-MSTing parody comment, this time by my friend Greg, chronicling the various things Yugi has called Yami over the course of the series. While one might think that as Yugi got to know Yami more, he would begin using more informal names, not less, Greg points out that as Yami got to know Yugi more, he would probably begin respecting him less.*
Yami: You know how I said you could call me by my first name? Well, since I'm really the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle, don't you think it'd probably be more appropriate if you called me that?
Yugi: But, um...
Yami: I just really think it'd be best.
Yugi: Oh. Well, uh, if you're sure...
*Later...*
Yami: You know, since it turns out that I was actually a Pharaoh in ancient times, don't you think you should call me that?
Yugi: ... I guess...
Yami: And since Pharaohs were only a step away from Gods, isn't it about time you started worshipping me?
Yugi: ... sure?
*Scene: Joey and Tristan hear Yugi's disconsolate cry of "PHARAOH!"*
Tristan: *looks up towards the sound* You hear that?
Joey: Yeah! It sounded like Yugi. Come on! *starts trying to jump up towards the ceiling... er... upside-down floor*
Tristan: Uh, Joey? I don't think that's gonna work. *Joey jumps again, and falls screaming towards the other side of the structure* ...or, it might... *blanches*
*Scene: Back outside the Puzzle, where it is only marginally more sane.*
Kaiba: It hurts, doesn't it, when you put your faith in the Gods and they let you down!
Yami: Speaking from personal experience, Kaiba?
Kaiba: N-no! Of course not! *looks away* Definitely not! I've never believed in those things!
Yami: As you say, Kaiba...
*Scene: I have no sceneline for here.*
Kaiba: It hurts, doesn't it, when you put your faith in the Gods and they let you down!
Yami: I don't put my faith in the Gods, I put it in the Heart of the Cards! And the Heart of the Cards has never yet failed me! What hurts is when mortals decide to take what is mine!
*Scene: I don't know just why Kaiba thinks Yami should "start praying for mercy" when apparently the Gods have abandoned him, but it's Kaiba... With what he's had to listen to from Yami, he's entitled.*
Kaiba: Let the torture continue with this, the torrential magic of Mystical Space Typhoon! Your facedown card is destroyed!
Yami: "Torrential magic," Kaiba? Even I know that there's no rain in outer space! *proudly* I asked my aibou about it.
Kaiba: *confused and disturbed by that* Er... look, I just play the cards, I don't name them! Take it up with Pegasus, not me!
*Scene: Kaiba plays a card that goes on to literally stab Yami in the back, which just goes to show that he was pathetic when it came to assassination attempts.*
Kaiba: And if you liked that, then you're gonna love this! Peten the Dark Clown!
Yami: And if I didn't especially enjoy that? What response can be expected then?
*Scene: Physically drained by Peten's Bloodlust Slash, Yami falls to his knees as Kaiba plays another card facedown, but he gamely stumbles back to his feet and plays his next card in the coolest way he ever has -- smoothly and without pretext. This Magician's Valkyria destroys Peten, while Kaiba stoically ignores the fact that he's being drained. Of course, playing Deck Destruction Virus is a good way to take your mind off such things.*
Kaiba: I hate to be the bearer of even more bad news, but when you destroyed my Peten the Dark Clown, you activated his special ability, allowing me to summon another Dark Clown to take his place!
Mokuba: I support my big brother and all, but really, I wish he'd stop talking like Yugi had any choice in these things. It makes it sound like he doesn't have a clue.
*Scene: Kaiba's Paladin of White Dragon destroys Yami's Magician's Valkyria, thus ridding the field of its Token Female.*
Yami: *thinking* It's as though when I lose my life points, I'm losing my actual life energy! Who would've guessed it was measured on a scale of 4000?
*Scene: When Kaiba summons his BEWD, it looks for a moment like he's glowing himself! Pretty fluorescent Kaiba! Giving new meaning to the term "Shinypants!"*
Kaiba: And now I summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon! Take a good look! It's the monster that's been the bane of your dueling existence ever since our first match. And, now he's back. But he's not alone! *plays another card facedown* Any last requests?
Yami: Well, for starters, you could stop telling such lies about our past duels...
*Scene: Yugi finally spots a ghosty Yami walking through the hallways of the Millennium Puzzle and chases after him, calling out his name. The spirit doesn't even turn, however, and finally walks right through a closed door.*
Yugi: *with his hand on the handle* This isn't his room... I know 'cause I've checked all ten thousand of 'em already, and I know where his room is by heart!
*Scene: Yugi opens the door to find a room that, despite the coffins piled up on each side, still manages to be more pleasant-looking than the rest of the Puzzle, just by being well-lit. The ghostly Yami is at the far end, giving its life-energy to the sarcophagus of Anubis, a rather funny thing for one to do for one's enemy. Evil laughter echoes around the room.*
Yugi: Who's there?!
Anubis: *chanting* Yuui anuku... saht tobahit... isset wheben eba!
Yugi: Er... Is it okay if I just call you "Yui," then? ^_^;;
*Scene: At Anubis's incantation, the mummies inside the coffins awaken, push off their lids, and arise. They stagger towards Yugi, who backs off a few steps, then runs screaming.*
Yugi: AAAAAHHH!
*The mummies stumble to a halt and look at each other.*
Random mummy who used to be named "Buikhu": Aww... I thought Anubis said he was used to dead people! He said he was gonna be our friend! *sniffles*
*Scene: Joey and Tristan are still wandering the halls looking for Yugi, who is about to utter the single best line in the movie, if not the entire series.*
Joey: Yugi! You in here?!
Tristan: Yugi!
*They see Yugi running at them gibbering, and slow down to a halt.*
Joey: *as Yugi approaches, with great friendliness* Hi! *laughs happily, then "huh?"s as Yugi runs right past them*
Yugi: *already halfway down the hall* TALK LATER! RUN NOW!
Joey: What's wit him?
Tristan: I don't know... It was an awfully strange thing for him to say.
Joey: Maybe he wanted us to go running with him?
Tristan: Maybe... *shrugs* Well, he looked alright, so I'm sure it was nothing important.
Joey: Yep.
Tristan: Uh-huh...
Joey: ...
Tristan: ...
*They nod at each other companionably.*
*Scene: Away from the mummies, who all amazingly look different, but who all never-the-less just say "Oy, oy, oy!," we find Téa and Grandpa running into the Duel Dome.*
Téa: Whoa! It looks like an earthquake hit this place! *finally notices the ever-so-subtle Pyramid of Light* And what in the world is that thing?!
Grandpa: Well, it's a pyramid, and it seems to be made out of light, so I don't know, maybe it's a giant slide? *rolls eyes*
Téa: ...old people aren't supposed to be sarcastic, Mr. Moto.
Grandpa: *raspberry!*
*Scene: And no-one noticed the cat... er, kid.*
Téa: What in the world is that thing?!
Mokuba: That's what I wanna know!
Téa: Mokuba! Is Yugi inside that thing?
Mokuba: He's in there, and so's my brother.
Téa: Yeah, yeah, Kaiba, whatever, but you're saying Yugi's in there?! Oh my God! That's horrible!! We have to do something!
*Mokuba glares at her, then sighs.*
*Scene: If I move a sentence ahead each time, do I have to come up with something more original for the scene line than just "same"?*
Téa: Mokuba! Is Yugi inside that thing?
Mokuba: He's in there, and so's my brother. *sighs and shakes his head* That brother of mine... always getting into trouble! I bail him out, and I bail him out, and yet he always just keeps on being reckless... *sighs again*
*Scene: Due to Téa's amnesia, Grandpa repeats the legend of the Pyramid of Light.*
Mokuba: The Pyramid of Light? Wait, rewind a sec! All of this insanity started when my brother played a card that was called "The Pyramid of Light!"
Grandpa: Well, Yugi and Kaiba are inside something from five thousand years ago! And if the myth is true, then Anubis is using it to finish what he started in the past!
Mokuba: This is crazy! Everyone knows myths like that are just fairytales! I mean, I know I was trapped inside a playing card once, and despite all those Shadow Games, and despite this huge pyramid that clearly isn't just another hologram... despite all that, I'm sure there's no such thing as "destiny" and "magic!" And don't give me those looks. Without my brother around, I have to say it for him.
Téa: Actually, I was just going to say that neither of mentioned destinies or magic.
Mokuba: Oh. Well, in that case... you're idiots, too.
*Scene: I love Yami's little half-truths, like how Mage Power gives his Valkyria an extra 500 Attack Points for every Magic or Trap Card he plays -- the other half of the truth being that she loses them again when they're used, removed, or destroyed. Never-the-less, Kaiba repels the attack, destroys Valkyria with his new BEUD, and gets rid of ten of Yami's cards (including the DMG) while he's at it.*
Kaiba: Look at the world's best duelist now!
Yami: Oh? So you admit that I'm superior to you, then?
Kaiba: I was being sardonic, you nimrod!
Yami: *smugly* That's not what I heard.
Kaiba: Yes, well, I can't help that you're a moron.
*Scene: Just as Mokuba-tachi has the giant monitor to watch the duel from, Yugi-tachi has a giant eye to watch it from.*
Joey: Yugi, what the heck is goin' on?!
Yugi: We've been drawn into the Millennium Puzzle!
Joey: So this is where your other half lives? Freaky, man!
Tristan: Yeah, no wonder that guy's kinda scary, living in a place like this...
*Scene: They admire the giant eye from their ledge vantage point for a bit.*
Yugi: We've been drawn into the Millennium Puzzle! And that thing up there is somehow responsible!
Tristan: *looks down* Then what's that down there?!
Yugi: *looks down as well, and takes the Millennium Puzzle into his hands* Oh, you mean this? Well, I'm not sure why I'm wearing it... It doesn't make much sense since we're inside it, but it's always like that in here!
*Scene: Tristan was actually referring to giant replicas of the two Pyramids floating below them, the corner of the Pyramid of Light embedded inside one of the ones of the Pyramid of Dark, with shards of gold and glass floating around.*
Yugi: That blue one looks like the Pyramid of Light I saw at the museum!
Tristan: Woah, talk about a bad parking job!
*Scene: Same scene, but this time by Sasha, which means it's actually funny for a change.*
Yugi: That blue one looks like the Pyramid of Light I saw at the museum!
Joey: Yeah? Well, it looks like it's beatin' the crud out of your Millennium Puzzle!
Tristan: ...so, who wants to place bets? Ten bucks says the blue thing wins.
Yugi: What?!
Joey: No bet, man, I agree.
Yugi: *wails* GUYYYYSSS!
*Scene: I'd say it's cute that Yugi looked over at Joey when Joey started to speak, but the animators reused the scene looking to and away, mouth movements, blinking, and all. Some things are better not watched in slo-mo.*
Tristan: Fightin' pyramids and creepy floatin' eyes... Wonderful!
Yugi: It's crazy!
Joey: Hey, when you hang around with Yugi, this is par for da course!
Yugi: *sheepishly* Well, at least I help keep things interesting... ^_^;;
*Scene: Usually Yugi looks a bit happier when he's hanging out in his yami's soulroom. Then again, the normal companionship is a bit better...*
Tristan: So, any idea what we're up against?
Yugi: Maybe. *they both look at him like they're surprised* I think this all has to do with an Ancient Egyptian sorcerer.
Joey: I knew it was gonna be somethin' insane!
Yugi: He's called "Anubis," the Egyptian Lord of the Dead!
Joey: Lord of the Dead?! Hey wait, doesn't that make 'im a God, not a sorcerer?
Tristan: Now, Joey, you know as well as I do that Gods can only be preserved through playing cards, not mummies!
Joey: Ohh, riight... sorry, I forgot!
*Scene: Hmm, I never noticed what a lovely shade of hazel Tristan's eyes are!*
Yugi: Centuries ago, he tried to destroy the world, and I'm starting to believe he's trying to make a comeback!
Joey and Tristan: *together* WHAT?!
Joey: But dat makes no sense!
Tristan: If he destroys the world, how's he gonna get more dead people to lord over?!
Yugi: I know... it's all very strange...
*Scene: Yugi thinks over Grandpa's on-the-fly translation of the prophecy again.*
Grandpa: The eye that sees what's yet to come / Its vision shall be fulfilled / Unless blinded by events predetermined / Thus light and shadows both be killed.
Yugi: *thinking* What a tight spot... it seems like Yami's supposed to be doomed either way! Though I'm not sure who the "light" person is and who's "dark"... but in any case, unless I'm playing the role of Light while Anubis is Dark, it really doesn't look good for the Pharaoh... and it looks like I've been relegated to the cheerleading section for this match! *sniffles* Poor Yami...
*Scene: I'm not so much impressed that the strange Eye in the sky can show them the duel as I am that it can change camera angles and zoom.*
Tristan: Doesn't look like the duel's going too well for your friend the Pharaoh!
Yugi: Yeah, we've got to do something to help him, and all I can think of right now is to head back to Anubis's tomb!
Joey: *voice shaking* You mean back towards the mummies?
Tristan: Hey, come on! We already know we can outrun 'em!
Joey: Oy!
Bakura: *standing behind them* Oh, how droll. Imitating a mummy before going back to face them!
Joey: *jumps* AGH! What're you doin' here, Bakura?!
Bakura: It's amazing how close a connection these Millennium Items have with the Shadow Realm, really...
*Scene: Admire me for not making a ledge joke. Come on! Admire me!*
Kaiba: I came here to win, and stopping's not an option!
Téa: Mokuba, don't you and your brother live here?
Mokuba: *annoyed himself* I'm not his speechwriter, Téa... -_-;
*Scene: Yami's pleas for them to stop so that they don't die (pfft! Coward!) fall on worse-than-deaf ears. For full visual impact, remember than there's a grinning clown crouching in front of Kaiba while he rants.*
Kaiba: I came here to win, and stopping's not an option! For all the times you humiliated me in a duel, when clearly I should have been champion! For all the times I had to listen to you preach about the Heart of the Cards! *Yami takes especial offense at that* You're going down, Yugi, and my Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon is gonna put you there!
Yami: Kaiba, once again your ridiculously over-inflated ego blinds you to the truth! But since you insulted me so much, I'm going to ignore my own arguments and finish this duel just to pummel you! You're goin' DOWN, biatch!
*Scene: Yami uses Monster Reborn to "bring back" the DMG, plays Sage's Stone to add the DM, and sacrifices them both to get the Sorcerer of Dark Magic, which I got free at the movie. The three magicians in the Graveyard bring the BEUD's Attack Points down by 1500 to 3000, a familiar number.*
Kaiba: But that means my Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon is vulnerable to attack!
Yami: *smirking* Why, it's almost like you should have just kept your three Blue-Eyes separate, isn't it?
Kaiba: Would you just shut up about that?!
Yami: No.
*Scene: For some reason, Kaiba chooses to draw without playing or snarking, allowing Yami to destroy his Dark Clown as well. He does then invoke his Deck Destruction Virus, but it is anticlimactically repelled.*
Yami: Sorry, Kaiba, but my Sorcerer of Dark Magic's mystic powers are so mighty, he can stop the activation of Trap Cards like your Deck Virus and destroy them!
Mokuba: I've never heard someone use "mighty" in that grammar structure before...
Téa: Er, well, Yugi's special like that. ^_^;;
*Scene: Kaiba should really chuckle more. It sounds cool, but he had Anubis chuckling over him, so this one didn't entirely count. Anyway, Kaiba brings back his BEUD and sacrifices it to summon an even cooler monster of the same class, a surprisingly popular move.*
Kaiba: I have an even more powerful monster, compliments of Pegasus! A shiny new dragon! The Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon!
*Mokuba buries his face in his hands.*
Téa: *rubs his back comfortingly* There, there, it's alright... the bad puns will stop soon...
Mokuba: *looks up with teary eyes* Will they, Téa? Will they really?
*Scene: For a moment, it's hard to tell whether that's the BESD or the BEWJ swooping around the Dome.*
Grandpa: *awed* Could it be? A card I've never seen before?
Mokuba: Sir, I hate to say this, but you're really out of touch. If you kept up with current duels at all, you would know that many of the cards my brother and your grandson play are almost entirely unknown. Have you even heard of the God Cards?
Grandpa: *narrows his eyes and mutters* Uppity youngsters.
*The BESD blasts away all but 200 of Yami's Life Points, making him faint and collapse (on top of the disturbingly 3D and metallic Puzzle) and Yugi just collapse.*
Joey: *skidding to a halt* Hey, what's wrong, Yuge?
Yugi: *shaking* It's weird... Suddenly I feel really weak, guys.
Tristan: Uh, hate to break it to ya, Yugi, but you're always really weak.
Joey: Way ta be sensitive, Tristan!
Tristan: *sweatdropping* Aheh-heh... Yeah, well... ^_^;;
*Scene: I don't want to know how Tristan knows so much about what energy streams look like. PLEASE don't tell me that Tristan has been secretly sucking the souls out of young children and is going to be the next big enemy! That would be so lame. *sighs* *
Yugi: It's weird... Suddenly I feel really weak, guys.
Tristan: *looks over near the wall* Check it out! It's some kind of energy stream!
Yugi: *annoyed* Talk about easily distracted...
Tristan: *protesting* Hey! It's shiny!
*Yugi sighs*
*Scene: The animators rather fail to remember that Mokuba's supposed to be excited when the cheerleaders are shaking over Yami having suffered a major blow.*
Grandpa: This thing's putting out energy waves that are making my pacemaker go haywire!
Mokuba: *drolly* Well, maybe you shouldn't stand next to it, then.
*Scene: The control booth Mokuba'd been in falls and smashes to bits, thus proving that he is definitely a smart person -- thus making him the smartest person on the show. Pegasus flies overhead in his helicopter.*
Pegasus: Up here! *throws down the ladder; those down below just stare* I'd hurry up!
Mokuba: Yeah, but you're not me! ... *glares at the cheerleaders for staring at him* What? I am a Kaiba, you know.
*Scene: Mokuba outpaces the others in getting to the ladder, and Grandpa trips and falls, which conveniently gets him in line behind Téa and her billowy skirt.*
Mokuba: *up in the helicopter* Pegasus, what are you doing here?
Pegasus: How about we start with a "thank you," you little ingrate? If I hadn't figured out what this whole Pyramid of Light thing was about, you'd all be crushed!
Mokuba: Yeah, but Seto taught me not to say "thanks" to people I actually owe something. Makes me sound indebted. If you want recompensation, I'll write you a check!
*Scene: That's a pretty comfy-looking copter...*
Pegasus: You see, Kaiba thinks he got that card from me, when in fact, this has all been arranged by an evil lord who tried to take over the world five millennia ago, and is now back to finish the job.
Grandpa, Téa, and Mokuba: Huh?
Pegasus: I looked it up! Isn't the internet great? ^_^
Téa: *mutters* Pegasus on the internet... that scares me.
Pegasus: I just love Funny Bunny fanfiction! I go by the pen name WhiteEars. ^_^ *makes a V-sign for bunny ears over his head*
Grandpa, Téa, and Mokuba: ... o.o;; *edge away slowly*