Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Bashers Anonymous!: Tea Gardner ❯ One-Shot

A.N. I now introduce the first of a series of anti-basher fics! If there is a commonly bashed character who you want to see get revenge on their peers, let me know!

 

Tea Gardner was reading fanfiction. She exited one where she was being tortured by yamis. She exited another story where she was assaulted by werewolves. She exited another story where she stalked people, and was shot in the head. She read a story where she tried to help her friends escape a haunted house, only to be eaten by demons while no one cared, before screaming in frustration! She grabbed a baseball bat and beat the hell out of the computer!

 

“That's it! I've had it! I can't take it anymore! No matter where I go it's nothing but friendship speeches and massacres! I'm not like that! All the time it's nothing but Tea bashing!”

 

She went to a cabinet and grabbed a few things.

 

“If they want to see a psycho chick, then so be it!!” she said, cackling evilly.

 

000

 

At a large mansion (not kaiba's) several fan fic authors where conversing, wondering how to torture anzu next.

 

A man known as Bush suggests, “Let's have her get abducted by alien lesbians!”

 

“No way!” A man named Lincoln says. “She'd only enjoy it! We all know no sane man would chase that skirt!”

 

“I here you!” A dude called Kennedy says, laughing like a loser.

 

“How about we hook her up with grandpa?” Lincoln asks.

 

“What?!” Bush shouts. “Why should we make him suffer?!”

 

“Good point!” Lincoln says, laughing like an idiot.

 

“I know,” Kennedy states. “Let's have her rape mokuba!”

 

A guy called Jimmy exclaims, “Only someone who's really desperate would go after a little kid! I love it!”

 

“Yeah!” Bush laughed. “I never liked that whiny runt anyway! This is the perfect revenge!”

 

“Especially since kaiba would kill her afterwards!” Jimmy said, laughing like a nitwit.

 

They all laugh like morons, and cluck like hens, until the door is thrown open!

 

Tea storms in with a pistol and shouts, “who's laughing now, bitch?!” as she shoots Jimmy.

 

Kennedy screams, “Goodness gracious, she's killing jimmy!”

 

Kennedy and the others run like little girls, trying to get away from the psycho chick, which is popping caps in ass. Have you ever had your ass capped and popped?

 

AN: now you know who really assassinated the presidents.

Innocent bystander: um, bush wasn't assassinated.

AN: not yet, ha, ha, ha!

IB: um, the presidents were before Yu-Gi-Oh!'s time, and-

AN: shut up, n00b!

IB: 0.0;

 

0000

 

The other members of yu-gi-oh are hanging around and chilling. Yugi Moto could be found having a peaceful conversation with Duke Devlin on a matter of utmost importance.

 

“THE DARK MAGICIAN IS NOT GAY!!” Yugi shouts.

 

“HE'S WEARING A PURPLE ROBE!!!” Duke shouts back.

 

Yami is found trying to convince everyone to use his inventive cheating, I mean card strategy.

 

“I'm telling you all to believe in the heart of the cards! It got me where I am today!” He states.

 

Seto shouts, “Shut up, you retarded psychopath! There's no such thing!”

 

Anzu shows up. Conveniently, no one notices the demon glint in her eyes.

 

“well, if it isn't the friendship whore!” Kaiba states, nastily.

 

Tea whips out a pistol and blows his nuts off.

 

Seto screams, “ahh, now I'll never get to do ishizu!” *dies*

 

“That's for calling me a friendship whore! Now, you'll all pay!” Tea screams, psychotically.

 

“why are you doing this tea?” Yugi asks his life-long friend.

 

Tea proceeds into a long winded rant.

 

“Why?! Because all I ever was to you people was the butt of every joke! No one likes being a butt! Did I once get a place of prominence in the fanfic world? Did I ever get a millennium item, or a cool Egyptian past? No! It was just me being tortured and eaten in every single fic! And not one of you gave a damn about it! Well, its payback time now!”

 

She pulls out a machine gun, and everyone dives for cover as she starts shooting up the place.

 

Tea: hahahaha! I will rule the world! What the deuce?! I sound like stewie from that cartoon show with the retarded fat guy! Oh, well! Hahahahah!

 

Yami crawls over to his soul mate, I mean the person that houses his soul.

 

“yugi! We can beat her if we believe in the heart of the cards!”

 

“this isn't a card game!” Yugi screams. “In real life things aren't solved by pieces of cardboard!”

 

“yes they are!” Yami states. “I'll show you!”

 

Yami jumps up and summons the dark magician.

 

“dark magic attack!”

 

The dark magician sends a wave of magic energy at tea, engulfing her in a swirling vortex of doom!

 

Yami proceeds into a victory dance, closely resembling the moon-walk.

 

“Ha! Told you it'd work! And how did I get the dark magician? The heart of the cards! How'd I draw it just now! The heart of the cards! Why am I so sexy? The heart of the cards!”

 

Marik loses his temper and shouts, “there's no such thing you idiot pharaoh! You got the dark magician from your grandpa, and you drew the dark magician so quickly, because you placed it on top of your deck, after bragging about it to everyone, five minutes ago!! Besides, that last reason didn't even make any sense!”

 

Yami: so?

 

*anime fall*

 

Joey points behind Yami. “uh, yug?”

 

Everyone turns and she's tea standing, unscathed, exactly where she was a moment ago.

 

“why didn't it work? That always works!” Yami whines.

 

Tea goes into a thinking position. “uh, maybe because holograms don't effect real people?” she mocks.

 

A sweat drop appears on yami's head. “oh. Um, right.”

 

Tea shoots his duel disk, causing it and his deck to burst into flames!

 

“that's how you defeat a pharaoh!” she shouts, laughing evilly.

 

Malik/Marik sweat drop. “why didn't I think of that?”

 

“no!” Yami screams. “Now I'll never get to do the dark magician!”

 

Everyone: 0.0;

 

Yami: girl!!

 

Everyone: o.o;

 

Everyone: they're cardboard! They aren't real!

 

Yami states, “they are in the shadow realm!” ^-^

 

*anime fall*

 

Tea shoots the idiot pharaoh.

 

Yami reaches out to yugi. “you can still beat her! Just trust in the heart of the cards!”

 

Everyone: it's not real!

 

“well, excuse me!” he huffs. *dies*

 

Ryou's millennium ring starts to glow, and Bakura appears.

 

The albino haired king of thieves says, “what's the meaning of all this madness? I was trying to watch my porn in my soul room, while plotting to destroy the idiot pharaoh whom I secretly admire, for befriending my idiot aibou whom I secretly lust for, which is the only explanation the idiot author can come up with for why there are so many damn yaoi fics, when no where in the show do I give any inclination that I'm gay!”

 

Ryou gasps. “so that's why you insisted on giving me that thorough tick examination last night, when I had only been outside for a few minutes!”

 

“shut up!” Bakura scowled. “I'll do you; I mean deal with you in a moment! Now then, who do you think you are girly? I should send you to the shadow realm for your treachery! Furthermore-”

 

Tea shoots at his feet and he screams like a little girl.

 

Bakura: eeek! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

 

A sweat drop appears on Ryou's head. “My hero.”

 

Bakura: shut up!

 

Tea whips out a remote control and fast forwards this episode. Bakura is shot and killed for being a wimp. Ryou is also shot and killed for being absent for two seasons and for being an even bigger wimp. Pegasus shows up and spontaneously combusts for being gay, and Roland is fired; literally. He falls in a lava pit and goes boom. Marik dies because he is a psychopath and overdosed on his happy juice. Malik experiments with weed, develops lung cancer, and dies. Tristan dies because he can't believe it's not butter and is stupid like that. Weevil Underwood pops up, sees everyone else is dead, and decides to join the club. Rex Raptor dances on his grave, saying he is top of the food chain now, before a random tyrannosaurus eats him and says `what then biotch, who's extinct now'! Mokuba misses his monthly kidnapping and commits suicide. Mako is crushed by a whale. Mai breaks a nail and dies. Ishizu dies because without her Millennium Neck-Brace her neck breaks. Duke Devlin is crushed by giant dice; go figure. Rebecca Hawkings is strangled by her teddy bear. Grandpa appears and goes boom. Serenity dies cause she's weak, Bandit Keith dies cause he's gay, Shadi dies cause he sucks, Bonz was already dead, Noah dies, Espa dies, and Dartz is reborn and dies again. Oh yeah, Joey was spared cause he got on his hands and knees and `licked' Tea like the dog he was. Now you know what happens when bashing goes too far.

 

THE END! ^-^!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'M KIDDING! ^-^

 

In the shadow realm, a.k.a. the home for infinite losers, a.k.a. the netherrealm/nega-verse, a.k.a. the next dimension, a.k.a. Hell, bakura was still crying because a girl made him wet his pants, kaiba was `dueling' ishizu, mokuba was kidnapped, yugi was short, everyone was gay, on drugs, sucked, and yami was spending quality time with the dark magician.

 

 

 

Girl!!

 

 

THE END! ^-^

 

A.N. If you want to see a commonly bashed character get their revenge, let me know.