Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Battered Bitter Soul ❯ Battered Bitter Soul ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

(After seeing the numerous fan fictions which advertise Tea/Anzu bashing, I thought it was high time for a fan fiction written from Tea's point of view, acknowledging how she feels about it. This is not to condemn anyone----you can bash anybody in your fanfics because they're yours----but having been bashed in real life for some of the same reasons, I feel that I can identify with her, and so I wrote this fan fiction. I hope any and all Tea-haters out there read this and get a new insight into their most "favorite" character.)



I'm just your average girl, I suppose. Shoulder-length, straight brown hair, round blue eyes---I'm rather tall for my age. Personally, I think the school uniforms were not made for girls like me. I always think my skirt's riding up too high, 'cause I'm so tall. But then again, it's school, so no one should care, right? Especially since no one outside my group of friends notices me anyway----well, except for the people who bash me.
That's right, I've seen the fictions. All with the proclamation in harsh, glowing bright letters: "TEA BASHING!!!" Well, maybe they're not that harsh, but they certainly are hard on my eyes. Not to mention my heart.
One time I actually had the courage to read through one of them, and I swear, you'd see less brutal killings and bashings in a horror flick. It really shook me up, and made me wonder what really motivates people to hate me as they obviously do, or what makes people hate anybody, as a matter of fact.

Some of them claim to hate me because I keep going on about friendship and its importance, and that the points I make are redundant. Well, goddammit, wouldn't you go on about friendship if it was something that you hadn't been privileged to have for most of your life? Like I said, I'm basically ignored. I blend in. If I didn't bitch about friendship, who the hell would ever see me?
Wait, before you go and get mad and write another me-bashing fic, I'm sorry for all the cursing----I'm not normally like this. I just start feeling so passionately that the four-letter words seem the most appropriate to describe the churning feelings within me. Yeah, I do have feelings. Wow. The stupid friendship chick actually has them. Isn't that a surprise.
Truth is, I go on and on about friendship because it's something that I cherish deeply. I spent many years of my life without friends and buddies, and so now I view my relationships with Yugi and Joey and Tristan as the gifts that they truly are. Unlike some of you, I wasn't one of the elite people who was born into this world with a ready-made circle of friends; I had to work and practically debase myself to make friends, and even then sometimes I was tossed aside like so much trash. I know that some of you won't understand because you've always had friends. Well, you better be glad that you didn't have to go through the isolation I went through. You had a lot better early life than I did.

All right, you me-haters----I know that you think I'm annoying, that I'm nothing but a filler character, and that I'm simply background noise. Go ahead, think that. Make my fucking day. I've dealt with bashing before----I'm strong, and I'll be all right.
You know what? In fact, I'm glad you bash me. It's another reminder, however painful, that I'm actually seen and recognized by people. It's like sometimes you get so starved for attention that any attention given is hungrily gobbled up, be it positive or negative. I just wanna ask, could you have gone through everything I have and come out as sane as I seem to be? Could you have stood by your friends and kept supporting them, even when the situation looked as bleak as could be? And before you accuse me of being redundant and cliche, I know I sound cliche; isn't it absolutely glorious? Yes, I'm Tea Gardner! I'm the annoying, friendship-worshiping bitch who everyone hates because of her personality, and I've decided to stop running from that reality and embrace it fully.
The way I was created is the way I am, and I'm sorry if that upsets anybody. If I could reprogram myself like one of Kaiba's computers and make myself into a person that nobody feels the need to kill off, then I certainly would do it. If I could make myself less needy and more independent, or maybe make my voice into one that isn't so annoying, I'd do it. I'm actually quite sick of being ignored and/or bashed. It hurts me. Yes, the friendship girl has nerves, and they sorta hurt when people stomp on 'em.
It's weird----even though I feel a lot of anger toward the people who bash me, I find myself strangely unable to hit back. Maybe it's because my fists are simply ink and color----I'm just an anime character, for Pete's sake. But the way people hate me and bash me, you'd think I was the female incarnation of Lucifer or something.

Hmm, I wonder if I should go into all the details here. Aw, what the hell, why not?

Like I said, I grew up basically ignored when I went to school. You think people would notice a wallflower like me? You must be crazy. Anyway, I was always too shy to just come out and ask people to be my friend, and since nobody really acted like they gave a damn anyway, I ended up being by myself---a whole lot. A partner project? You could find me working with the teacher. Recess? You could find me playing somewhere by myself, because "little Tea" wasn't welcome anywhere else. I suppose I got annoying because I was tired of being alone, and I bothered people with my pleading with them to be my friend, but wouldn't you feel the same way? I felt like I had to be in people's faces to even get them to pay attention to me; wouldn't you have felt like that too?
It was really lonely when I went home, too. Of course, my parents talked to me, but it wasn't the same as having friends my age. Sometimes I'd let myself in at home and the house would be dead silent, and I would get this awful feeling of emptiness in my soul that wouldn't go away until I went to my room and pounded the life-giving music into my head through the headphones, dancing until I couldn't anymore. I probably destroyed my ears doing that, but it helped me feel better at the time.
A lot of people don't know this, but the dancing helps me, too. It's my art, and I've done it ever since----well, I don't know when. I know, doing ballet isn't as popular as it used to be, but it expresses me and my opinions very well. I guess it comes from being so shy I don't want to talk, so I let my physical moves tell the story. When I dance, I feel like people finally see me, and maybe start to look at me as a person rather than the subhuman piece of shit they all like to portray me as. I dance because I like to have attention on me too, just like every other human. I dance because it takes my mind off my troubles.

But I'm getting off-subject. Anyway, by the time I was 15----well, you guys met me at that age. I was working at Burger World, and I remember very clearly the day that Yugi and Joey came by to eat. Scared the shit out of me at first----I thought they were going to turn me in for being underage. I had been betrayed by a lot of other "friendly" people before, you see. That's why I was so distrustful at first, but they didn't give up on me, and we did become friends, as you well know.
And can you imagine the way I felt inside when Yugi and Joey became friends with me? For the first time, I felt---I felt loved. Like somebody actually gave a damn whether I lived or died. Like someone would mourn me if I passed away or would rejoice with me if I accomplished something great. It's a great feeling to be treasured like that, and I certainly wouldn't trade my friends for anything. That's why I go on about it so much. Sometimes even I feel like I'm overdoing it a little, but I feel so desperate----desperate to keep my friends. I---I know this sounds really confusing, but even with my close friends, I feel an irrational fear that if I don't keep telling them how proud I am of them, how much I appreciate them, they will desert me like people in my early life did.

So now you know why I'm such a friendship fanatic. I'm annoying, I'm dramatic, I'm grandiose, even. You don't think I see it? You don't think I see it?! I'm sorry if I get on your nerves when I scream and shriek, but damn it, it doesn't feel good to be hated. It doesn't feel good to be bashed day in and day out, and it doesn't feel especially good to wipe the tire tracks and footprints off me every day when I turn in after a long day and try to lie in a position that won't hurt any of the many bruises on my body, mind, and spirit.
I know I'm not a favorite character----that much people have told me and shown me. I know that my voice makes them shudder, that my actions make them sick, and that they're even more sick of my opinions that I just happen to want to express. Well, I'm sorry, but they're going to have to get used to me.

All right, I know I've probably confused all you me-haters who thought that I was nothing but a flat, static character. I get extremely moody and contradict myself so much in the throes of my emotions, and I know I both challenged you to bash me and told you five minutes later that it hurts me when you do that. Dealing with such a passionate emotional side is probably part of the reason I'm so annoying sometimes, but I think I've done well to cope with it and stay as sane as I have.
Do you see now that I have much more depth than most people think? I'm not just a blabbering idiot; I'm not someone that you can play "Pin the Insult on the Tea" with; I'm a normal person, with a normal human heart, and that human heart wants to forgive you and tries so hard to forgive like it should, but it's so difficult to forgive sometimes, especially if the people don't care anyway. Honestly, there are times when I've wondered if the world might be better off without me. Surely you me-haters would get along way better. I just wonder who you would direct your passionate hatred towards if I wasn't the hapless scapegoat.
Anyway, I'm sorry if I confused and bewildered you with my emotions and ranting, but I'm not sorry if I've pissed you off with my comments. Being pissed off about it will make you think about why you hate me so much. And I have to admit, it was kinda nice for once to retaliate and fire back a few cutting remarks. Oh, don't worry, I gave you only a taste of what you give me. How did you handle it?