Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Bible Stories, YGO style ❯ Story #4: The Tower of Babel ( Chapter 4 )

Toboe LoneWolf: ^^ Here's another bible story; one that's "not-so-famous." It's...*drum roll* The Tower of Babel! Ta-da!

Disclaimer: I don’t own YGO or the Bible. There. Done. Forever and ever. Amen.

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Story #4: The Tower of Babel
Aka: What’s That You Say?

~ CAST ~

God -- Yami (It’s tradition…)

People -- Everybody else (Wow, that’s simple…)

~ COSTUMES ~

Yami -- his traditional garb of a bed-sheet

Yami: That just doesn’t sound right…call it, "the majestic cloak of God himself" or something like that.

Toboe LoneWolf: -_- Whatever…

Everyone else -- their bathrobes, and shorts underneath (No way are they not having nothing underneath them…O.O if they do…)

~ STORYTIME!!! ~

~ Act 1: Baking…Things ~

Narrator: After the time of Noah, the whole world had one language and a common speech.

Yugi: Japanese!

Rebecca: English!

Malik: Egyptian!

Toboe LoneWolf: -_- How about temporarily English, so I can tell this story in a comprehendible language?

Narrator: -_- As the people moved eastward, they found a plain in Shinars and settled there.

Joey: A plain in what-sit?

Kaiba: In other words, in the middle of nowhere, dog.

Joey: Grrrr…

Narrator: >.< The people came together and said to each other, "Come let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly." They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar.

Duke: *scratches head* What in ever for?

Ryou: *shrugs* I dunno, but it's definitely better than building a boat. *rubs hand* I still have a sore thumb from last time…

Bakura: Bah! The Great King of Thieves does not lower himself to do lowly work! *points to Pegasus* You! Make my bricks!

Pegasus: What? I don't work! I'm a businessman!

Bakura: *whips out flamethrower* Care to say that again?

Pegasus: O.o Alright, I'll make bricks…

[They look at the given materials before them: pieces of straw, crumbled graham crackers and Elmer's School Glue.]

Duke: O.o These are our building materials?

Toboe LoneWolf: -_- I'm not rich, okay?

Ryou: *pokes the graham cracker crumbs* What's this for?

Toboe LoneWolf: -_- To actually make them look like bricks.

Tristan: This is supposed to look like tar? *sticks finger in glue* What the heck?

Joey: What's tar?

Kaiba: Sticky stuff.

Yugi: What are we supposed to do with them?

Ryou: *shrugs* Bake them, I guess.

[Silence.]

Joey: So, uh, how do we do that?

Tea: *humongous grin* I do! *grabs materials* See, you just mix them together *mashes said materials together* and roll them *grabs a clump and rolls it into a ball* and then pat them just like this *pats a lump* *pat pat* and you've got a brick!

Yugi: [aside to Ryou] Isn't that how you make mud-pies?

Ryou: *sweatdrop* I don't know, and I don't want to know.

Tea: *beams* See, it's really easy! Come on guys, try it! It's fun!

Guys: O.o Okay…

[A large, messy, kitchen-room-like fiasco occurs.]

[Everyone is covered in glue, graham crackers, and straw pieces, none of it flattering.]

Duke: *wails* My hair is ruined!

Malik: *grabs glue-covered hair, with stuff stuck to it* Do you know how long this will take me to wash off?!?

Rebecca: *tugs on glue-covered Teddy* Teddy's stuck…

Tea: *the most glue-covered of all* *hair is practically white* Okay! Now we have to bake them! *grabs said bricks and shoves them in the microwave* *sets it on high and times it for about an hour* There!

All the guys: O.O

Mai: *false grin* Honey, dear, don't you think that's a little too long?

Tea: *looks at microwave* Oops.

[As with all kitchen disasters, the problem erupts immediately.]

Microwave: KAAAABOOOOMMM!!!!

*glue flies everywhere*

Bakura: *grabs head, which is now no longer pristinely white* NOOOO!!! I am unclean!!!

Toboe LoneWolf: -_- A little ahead, aren't we?

Tea: Don't worry guys, we can still make more!

[Various attempts are made to make bricks. Almost all of them fail.]

[Baking attempt #23:]

Bakura: *waves flamethrower* All right, mortals. Stand back. Any closer and I'll torch you instead.

Ryou: O.o Since when was the last time when you warned people about your use of a flamethrower?

Bakura: Ever since I accidentally torched my leather collection because you got in my way of singeing the pharaoh's pet.

Yugi: Hey!

Bakura: *aims at bricks* Let 'er rip!

Flamethrower: FLOOOOSSHHH!!!

Bricks: KABOOM! *fly off in little charred pieces*

Yugi: *totally black from ashes* That didn't go too well…

[Well, throughout the entire kitchen fiasco, eventually a total of one brick and a half are properly baked. The rest were either soggy messes or small particles due to explosion.]

Grandpa: That's it?

Arthur: *raises eyebrow* Well, we are not culinary experts, are we?

Grandpa: No, but I thought that Tea could bake bricks, for pete's sake. Her cookies are just like them…

Arthur: *sweatdrop*

Tea: *beams* Don't worry guys! I have spares! *whips out a metal container labeled "CAUTION: Toxic Waste"* I baked brownies the other day for all of you guys, but they didn't come out so good--

Mokuba: *mutters* As least she has the decency to admit it…I cracked a tooth the last time I tried one of those…

Kaiba: I told you not to eat those things.

Tea: --But we can just use them for bricks instead! *pours said brownies*

Brownies: *CLUNK*

Floor: *sags*

Yugi: Yep, those are bricks, alright…

~ Act 2: Building, Yet Again ~

Narrator: -_- Then they said, "Come let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the earth."

Malik: We are going to build a city…with that? *points to pile of brownies/bricks*

Joey: Yay! They're just like building blocks! *stacks them together* Come on, Tristan, let's build a gigantic city!

Tristan: Yeah man!

*they begin to industriously build a toy city*

Joey: There, the city walls are almost done. And Tristan, after we're done, we're going to be Godzilla and destroy it all! *hunches over* Arggh, beware, I am the great Godzilla…

Kaiba: Dogzilla is more like it. Pupzilla even better.

Joey: Hey!

Tristan: There! It's done!

Joey and Tristan: *stare proudly at their city*

[A small, tiny city is on the floor, consisting of only one color: fudge brown. Whether that is a natural chocolate color or simply toxic coloring is not exactly known.]

Joey: Okay Tristan! Now we're gonna destroy it! *hunches over* Arrggghhh, I am--

Bakura: *shoves Joey and Tristan out of the city* HAHA!!! Now I have my own city!!! I am the King of this city! *points finger at Joey and Tristan* You! Build my tower!

Joey: What? That's our city!

Bakura: *whips out battle ax* What's that you say?

Tristan: I'm building! I'm building! *begins to stack brownies on top of each other*

Bakura: MUHAHA!!! I am the King of Thieves! The King of Cities! Soon-to-be King of Games! HAHAHA!! I have my own city! Take that, pharaoh! You might have destroyed my village, but now I've got a whole CITY!! HAHAHA!!! *looks at crowd watching him* What, you fools? *points towards the growing pile of brownies* Build my tower!

Ryou: -_- *sighs* Yes, master…

Yugi: What? You're giving up like that too?

Ryou: It's best to stay out of his way…

Bakura: You! Why don't you work for your king! *aims machine gun* Work or die!

Yugi: I'm working! I'm working!

[A small growing pile of brownies stack up.]

Tristan: Twenty four, twenty five… *carefully places another one* Twenty six…

Bakura: YOU! BUILD FASTER!!!

Tristan: Aiee! *jerks* *knocks over pile* Noooo!!!!

Bakura: Worthless slave! Twenty lashes!

Narrator: -_-;;; But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building.

Yami: That's a pretty pathetic city you've got there, thief.

Bakura: IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS!!!!

Yami: What, mine? *smirks* I live in the city of heaven. Beat that.

Bakura: *at his "slaves"* Hurry up you worthless mortals! Build my tower so I can ascend to heaven and take over his city!

Duke: *places one last brownies* That's it.

Bakura: *looks down* That's it?

Duke: We ran out of bricks.

Bakura: *points to Tea* Make more, female!

Tea: But I don't have any materials! First I have to go to the lake to get some mud and then I have to go to the dump to get the chainsaw and then --

Bakura: *turns green* Okay, maybe not. *turns to Yami* So there, Pharaoh! I am going to ascend my tower and take over your pathetic city and then rule as God! HAHAHA!! *laughs the evil laugh* MUHAHAHAHA!!!

Ryou: >.< What's with evil guys and laughing really strangely?

~ Act 3: Huh? ~

Narrator: The Lord said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. I will go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other."

Bakura: *steps onto tower* HAHAHA! *Tower is of weak construction and collapses* *Bakura falls on his butt* Oww…

Yami: *looks down* Well, that was pretty sad. *Shrugs* Ah well, one last thing for complete and total humiliation…*clicks fingers*

Yugi: What happened?

Malik: Shoko-la-ta!! (Vague translation from Egyptian: Chocolate!) *stuffs brownies into mouth* Ah! Met! (Translation: Ah! Poison!)

Duke: *stares* Tu tienes hambre? (Vague translation from Spanish: You're hungry?)

Ryou: Ich nabe dass nicht verstanden. (Vague translation from German: I don't understand.)

Bakura: What the heck?

Ryou: Wer bist du? (Vague translation from German: Who are you?)

Bakura: My vessel's gone nuts!!

Rebecca: Ni hao! (Vague translation from Chinese: Hello!)

Yugi: What did you say?

Duke: *shrugs* No se. (Vague translation from Spanish: I don't know.)

Mako: *run and grabs Duke* Mi amigo! (Vague translation from Spanish: My friend!)

Duke: ACK!! (Universal language.)

Narrator: -_- So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. That is why it was called Babel -- because there the Lord confused the language of the whole world.

Malik: Egypt tchetta er neheh! (Vague translation from Egyptian: Egypt forever and ever!)

Yami Malik: Au-a ar sekhem! (Vague translation from Egyptian: I will be master!)

Duke: Estupidos. Nosotros somos mas mejor. (Vague translation from Spanish: Idiots. We are better.)

Mako: Tu hables lo! (Vague translation from Spanish: You said it!)

Rebecca: Wo men kuai zou le. (Vague translation from Chinese: We're leaving now.)

Serenity: *waves* Zhaijain gege! (Vague translation from Chinese: Bye big brother!)

Joey: Ninnnneeee! (Vague translation from German: Noooo!)

Yugi: Is there no one out there that speaks English? Wait a sec, I'm Japanese…

Bakura: FINALLY! Someone who speaks my language!

Yugi and Bakura: *look at each other* YOU?!?!?

Narrator: -_- From there the Lord scattered them over the face of the earth.

Yami: *swishes hand* Go! Shoosh! Outta here!

[off the little gangs go]

Yami Malik: *spray paints onto wall* Anuk khui! (Vague translation from Egyptian: I am mighty!)

Mako: *spray paints onto wall* Yo lleva chaqueta azul. (Vague translation from Spanish: I'm wearing a blue jacket.)

Duke: >.< Mi amigo no es intelligente… Vamos, Mako! (Vague translation from Spanish: My friend is not intelligent…come on, Mako!)

[Only a certain group of people are left…]

Yugi: I am not going with you!

Bakura: And I am definitely not going anywhere along with you! *stalks off*

Tea: Xkaonc! Soifmn aoif aeigm eiaf emeeeeeeee!!!!

Yugi: O.O *runs* Wait for me, Bakura!

Bakura: O.O What language was that?

Yugi: >> Alien. She was going to take over our brains to use them for her brownies.

Bakura: O.O Aliens are evil…

Narrator: >.< So anyway, the moral of this story is to, is to…

Toboe LoneWolf: Not be proud and don't trust Tea's brownies.

Tea: Itls casjnc funck!

Toboe LoneWolf: Hey, that's not very nice!

Tea: >> Sf cswjanccns oypoew tyweif ti vensot aonjrwojnc--

Toboe LoneWolf: >.< I'm warning you…

Tea: -- HEP COIHWN OKC! *mutters* Ance corawc aptn…

Toboe LoneWolf: >.< *raises two certain fingers* If you continue to say that, I am going to lower one finger.

Tea:…

Toboe LoneWolf: Good. *smiles* Now that is a universal sign.

Tea: >.<

Djanil: You know, that wasn't very nice…

Toboe LoneWolf: >.< Fine. Sorry, Tea.

Tea: ^^ Thancise! Aklnfkc awoilf awifm…

Toboe LoneWolf: O.o No, I don't want your brownies…

*curtain falls*

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Toboe LoneWolf: And that's that. Sorry if the language stuff didn't come out too great; I only know so many languages and so many phrases, and accents don't come out too well on ff.net. And neither does my grammar and/or spelling. And before some of you explode for me not using Japanese: *shrugs* Sorry, I don't know any. My school doesn't teach Japanese, I don't have a Japanese dictionary, and I can't find a web site to translate for me. I only know a few words, none of them helpful. But I hope this was still funny to you all! Please review! *waves* Ja ne! (Vague translation from Japanese: Bye!)