Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Can You Love Me? ❯ Sometimes ( Chapter 4 )

~Bakura's POV~

I violently slam the door shut behind me and proceed to stalk down the walkway. The sound it made could have woken up the whole freakin' neighborhood were it night, not that I care whether or not it is. The door is unlocked and I hear where it clicks open, but I don't fuckin' care if the damn house is vulnerable! It's not my house! Never was and never will be!

My blood boils in my blue veins, pounding and burning against my skin and making my chest hurt…though that pain is not from my blood. It's indescribable…a kind of hallow feeling I somehow know I dug, scratching at it with my nails until my fingers were raw and bloodied. I clench my hands repeatedly, hoping in some way that by opening and closing them endlessly I will somehow ease the swelling, choking pain in my chest.

It doesn't.

Annoyed, I shove my pale hands into my denim jacket, nearly ripping through the well-worn material with the force I exert.

My dark eyes glare at the ground, trying to will it to crack open and swallow that damn light of mine, sending him to the bowels of Hell. I jerk my gaze away from the white sidewalk, instantly feeling horrid pain gnaw at my ribs. My white hair falls before my eyes and shades the expression on my face, movement as quick as that is not good when one was still semi-drunk.

Stupid hikari! Why don't you just sit by the door and wait for me?! I'd fuck you and leave minimal damage, you wouldn't wind up crumpled on the cold floor, cradling your abused body after I've left…blood seeping from wounds my vile hands create.

I shake the images from my mind; I had enough embedded in my skull to know what the sight was like. I usually left and came back to find him fixed up, a cheery glimmer in his eyes when he saw I was sober. But one time, I never left, I laid there beside him and fell asleep, waking to see him flecked with blood and semen, a tender smile gracing those pale lips of his, trying to hide the deep sadness his eyes reflected. My stomach lurches as it did that day, I helped him wash the filth away and nearly sobbed when he whimpered and cried out as the barely warm water lapped at his abused flesh. The sight of him broken was too much for me, bringing back memories from when I had not cared, a time, which in his eyes, looked as though was resurfacing.

But that's not true! I still care, it's just sometimes…sometimes…sometimes I don't have control…sometimes I get mad and take it out on him…sometimes I forget I'm not alone…sometimes I…I…I don't know! Why should I be the one to suffer?! I've suffered enough! Many millennia's worth and he dare complain about a few years! He's pathetic…he's not worth wallowing in guilt for…he's…

Who the hell do I think I'm kidding? Fiery pricks stab at my eyes…must be the damn sun bothering me. No, that's not it…why can't I be better, for Ryou? Look at that, I'm a mess, can't even think his name without that damn pain ripping through me and letting my eyes well up…I suppose I do deserve it though…

I know I am wrong to hurt him, but at the very moment I see him break, bleed…become everything he once was, I crave more…I need that feeling, reassurance I'm greater, stronger, dominant…I hate myself for it, I really do. I wish I could be what he wants me to be; loving, gentle, caring…I was so close to that state too…then I met Him.

It was a mistake, I never should have gone into that damn shit hole. Ryou and I had just gotten into a stupid fight about that fucking Pharaoh seeing me drink; it was a lie! I swore up and down that I hadn't been to a single bar in months…

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~Flashback~

"Go fuck off, Pharaoh! I haven't even seen a beer much less had one in seven damn months!" Bakura screamed, held back by Ryou so he wouldn't go and punch Yami senseless.

"I know what I saw Tomb Robber! You went into that bar and came out hours later, barely able to stand as you made your way to the park, more than likely to sober up so no one would find out!" Yami shifted his gaze to the silent, white haired hikari. "Ryou, I had to tell you…" His hand gently reached out to the boy, trying to get him away from Bakura.

"Keep your damn hands away from my hikari!" the dark eyed yami yelled, hugging Ryou to his chest.

"Oh, you're one to talk, Bakura!. How many times has Ryou been found in a bloodied heap because you can't keep your head straight? That's why I'm here, I don't want to see him hurt again!" The scarlet-eyed youth pulled Ryou from his yami's clutches and placed him behind his back, incase Bakura chose to lunge at the Pharaoh.

Bakura broke at those words, he hadn't lain a hand on his light for a long time now, but he knew sometimes he did feel the urge to smack the smaller. "Ryou…I swear to you…I haven't…you have to believe me!" the white haired demon tried to explain himself as best he could, emotions ripping through him violently.

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~Bakura's POV~

But that royal bastard kept interrupting and when I looked into Ryou's eyes, I saw he believed Yami over me. I remember walking out in silence, had I stayed I would have beat my light along with Yami and his precious hikari. It's not fair I tell you, I mean, I know why Ryou wouldn't believe me, I didn't have the cleanest track record, but what killed me is that it had to be the Pharaoh who made up such a lie. I could have dealt with it had it been the Mutt, the tricolor shrimp, or that damn dancing woman…but no; it just had to be that Ra Forsaken Pharaoh!

I wanted to show them I was not to blame, so I went and did the stupidest thing, walk into the first bar I found and started drinking. It was their fault I was doing it, they believed I was, then so be it! I had several pitchers of several beers and vomited many times over as I had been unused to such heavy drinking even when I had been a regular. The bartender was getting worried as I sobbed and continuously ordered more to drink while breaking into violent outbursts at anyone who came too near.

Nearly passed out, I felt someone drape their arm around my shoulders and whisper if I was ok. I thought it was Ryou, come to save me from my idiocy. I leaned into the touch and murmured I wanted to go home; the arms gently lifted me up and said something about charging the drinks to his account.

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~Flashback~

The stranger carried Bakura to a sleek black limo, placed him gently inside, and climbed in after, ordering the driver with a slight nod to head home. The white haired yami groaned, brain pounded in skull, his eyes felt hot and sore, and his body seemed ready to fall apart.

"Sh…I'll give you something when we get home." The soothing voice purred, petting the wild array of silvery hair that fell into Bakura's eyes.

Bakura passed out at some point, for the next time he was aware of his consciousness he found himself lying on a very soft couch, a bucket full of cold vomit beside him and a glass of water with various pills being held out by someone.

"I suggest you take some of these, I've never had a hang over like yours, but I'm sure they'll help you stand at least." The albino reached out a shaky hand and quickly gulped down the nasty tasting pills with the help of some water. There was a wave of dizziness and he threw up, barely making it into the bucket the other held up for him. After wiping his mouth clean, Bakura realized he felt a thousand times better.

"Th-thank you…" he muttered quietly, looking down at the ground and sitting up. He was rather embarrassed, he'd never gotten a hang over before, then again, he'd never drunk about a hundred gallons of alcohol in a single night before either. It was the matter of shaken pride that made him uneasy, not the act itself. Looking at the soft carpet at his feet, Bakura realized it was a deep blue, nearly black without the thin rays of sun cast across the rich material. When had Ryou gotten new carpet? And in blue? Of all the colors his light adored, a dark blue was definitely not one of them. "Ryou, why-" Bakura was taken aback when he turned to the other, now sitting with him on the sofa, to find it was not Ryou. He would have jumped up and started questioning the one beside him as to the whereabouts of his light, but the white haired yami merely stared blankly as his fuzzed mind carried no concern. "Who are you!? And why did you bring me here?" he asked after having gained some of his sense back.

The other grinned and winked "I brought you here because I didn't know where you lived and had no where else to take you…plus I didn't mind bringing something as delicious as you home." Bakura would have blushed at the comment were he not…well, Bakura. Instead, he glared at the other, waiting for a reply to his first question. "And as to who I am, well…" the other leaned in, startling the pale youth when their lips met for an instant in a quick, stolen kiss "There's only one way you're going to find that out…" he purred.

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~Bakura's POV~

I wish I never had. If I would have walked away, just slipped out that damn door, let my curiosity fade away, then maybe…just maybe I'd be home with Ryou right now…Not on my way to drink off the guilt welled up inside of me and return to my hikari just as I had left, drunk, angry, and sorry.

I don't realize it until I am knocking on the ebony door that I had made my way back to His house…just like He had said I would. My pale knuckles rap on the lavishly carved door a few times and I stand idly by, He always opened it himself when it's me, anyone else and a servant would get the door. Did that make me feel special? No, just shallow. I needed Him to answer it, if he didn't then I'd leave and do something stupid, and he knows that. Nothing gives him more pleasure than to see me come back, crawling through his door with broken emotions and a shattered mind.

I shove those thoughts from my head, I'd rather not allow myself to realize how pathetic I'm being…Needing someone else for comfort I could avoid craving if I could just stop coming back. My eyes scan the massive house, nearly a mansion save for the fact it's too dark to uphold such a name. Most mansions were huge, rich, and an eyesore because they fit no where else but amongst other mansions, this mansion wanna be was huge, it had a block all to itself; rich, the materials used to build it were imported from all around the world; and an eyesore…but for many different reasons. It radiated darkness; gargoyles and other statues decorate the roof tops and lawn; the grass is green, but an artificial, dark, putrid green; silence dominates here, no birds or other animals can ever be found near that house, it was almost as though the property seeped with death.

Was that why I always came back? Because it reflected what I felt? Morbid guilt and desolate wishes…that's what I'm made of now and He keeps me this way. Why don't I just leave? Never come back? Go home to Ryou and apologize, beg the Pharaoh to watch me day and night until I am better and dependant on nothing save my hikari's love?

Stated simply, I can't. I've become addicted to His kind of comfort, His kind of love, His thoughts, His words, His actions. He has wound a spell about my mind and soul, making me believe He is my only hope and escape from my light. Once I told him I wanted no escape from Ryou, only forgiveness…He answered me with a cruel beating. He says I can not have my Hikari until I've broken away from Ryou completely, that way when I go back to him the way he and I have always wished me to be, it'll be that much easier to build on a clean slate than on top an old, crumbling foundation.

It makes sense…I suppose…though I wish he'd allow me to tell Ryou what I was doing…or teach me how to keep from hurting my light the way I do…but He says it's all a part of the process…although I won't voice it, I doubt it's true.

Why am I here then? If even I don't believe His words? I should go, no, I will go! Just as my body begins to turn away from the house of decadence, the door silently opens and a slender arm reaches out, gripping me tightly. "Back so soon, Kura?"

I glare at Him, "I've told you time and again not to call me that!" no one but Ryou is allowed to.

He chuckles in dark amusement and swiftly pulls me inside, the door shutting behind us as he leads me to the parlor. "I know, I just love seeing you pissed cause it makes you hotter." He giggles insanely, I've gotten used to his bouts of madness so I ignore him as he shoves me down into a scarlet armchair and pours me a drink, one that probably costs just as much as all the furniture in this room.

I quickly down the drink and sigh as my body begins to relax "I still don't understand where you get the money for all this shit." I look at all the expensive paintings, some of himself, others of his sibling, and one, for some odd reason, of me. "When the hell did you get me to sit still enough for that!" I growl, did he drug me again and I didn't remember? I stand and glare at the painting, nicely done, I had to admit that, makes it look as though I'm not in horrible mental pain.

He pouts; displeased I did not praise his work. "I painted it a while back from memory, though I mounted it just when you left." His slender fingers nearly pet the canvas as he stares in awe, "Beautiful…" smiling ravenously, he turns around and jumps on me, straddling my waist as he nuzzles my neck. "Though it's not as magnificent as the real thing."

I tense slightly as his very apparent arousal grinds against me through his skintight leather pants. "Aw…Now why don't you tell me what's wrong, and I'll make you feel all better…" his voice whispers in my ear, hot breath chilling my flesh as I give in despite my earlier wish to never come back. "Start from the moment you left my house…then work your way through…" his lips tease my ear and I moan softly. "The sooner we get you fixed up, the sooner you can go back home to your precious hikari…right, Kura?"

I grunt in warning and he chuckles, kissing me gently back into submission. "Sorry…" he hisses as he bites down on my lip, making me wonder which of his actions he was apologizing for, but he was like that, a cruel manipulator of the mind. "Hm…" he purrs softly, fingers trailing down my chest "Let's continue our session else where…As much as I love this chair, I'd rather we not stain it…" and so, with a small burst of childish giggles, he pulls me up and we head toward his room.