Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Careless Whisper ❯ Careless Whisper ( Chapter 1 )

Careless Whisper

I've wanted to go to this dance with ever since we first started high school. It will be our last night together before we go our separate ways. I'm going to a college in Tokyo. He's staying here in Domino City. We may not ever see each other again. This...would be it. Tonight is our last night together. Tonight...this dance...it will be the last we ever share. And I can't even bring myself to go.

I made a horrible mistake. One that will change our lives forever. One that will haunt me for the rest of my days. I can't face him now after what I've done. I just...can't. And I could never tell him. He'd never look at me the same way. But it hurts just as much to keep it from him. Telling him...or not telling him...that will be the hardest thing.

I love him. I don't want to lose him because of something so stupid. But then again, I don't deserve him now. Not after...this. I guess I shouldn't say it was just `something stupid.' It was more like a `stupid decision.' Or a `wrong choice.' Or something more along those lines.

All and all, it comes down to the fact that I messed up. That I took everything I had, everything we had worked for, or entire relationship that we had built and strengthened throughout the years...and just destroyed it all.

And I can't bring myself to go to that dance.

I can't bring myself to face him.

I can't bring myself to tell him what I've done.

I'm going to lose my Yugi.

I'll know it will hurt him terribly. But he'll cover it up and tell me that he understands. That it was just a mistake. He'll put a smile on and tell me to just forget that it ever happened. Because that's just the way he is. He's a downright nice guy, and nothing ever keeps him from wearing a smile on his face.

But I don't want his reaction to be what I know it will be. I don't want him to tell me to forget about it, because I never will. My wrong decision will always be in the room with us, wherever we are, staring me in the face. Making me see what a horrible person I am for doing this to him.

What do I want his reaction to be? What I deserve. I deserve to be yelled and screamed at. I deserved to be called dirty names. I deserve to be insulted and cursed. I deserve to be left by him. I don't deserve him. I never have, and I never will. He's such wonderful person...and I will never amount to anything worthy of being his.

I suppose you're wondering what happened to make me feel this way. If I tell you, I think you may agree with me when I say I am unworthy of his affections. I don't really care what you will say to me after my story is finished. It probably won't be anything that I haven't already told myself.

It happened three weeks ago. Yugi was in Italy on a school-related excursion. There was only one more week to go until his return. I had been so excited to see his face again.

The night before his arrival, I was invited to the game shop by his other half. His other half, who had just gotten his one body, and who, up until a few years ago, I believed I was deeply in love with. He had said that he wanted to talk to me about something important. So I agreed, because usually when he says that something is important, it usually is.

When I got there, he made me some hot tea and we sat together on the couch. It was a cold, rainy night, so it didn't bother me the least bit when he sat so close to me.

It was after our tea, and a short discussion about my and Yugi's relationship, that it happened. He had asked me if I planned on keeping the relationship with Yugi as serious as it was right now after I moved to Tokyo.

Of course, had been my reply.

He asked if I loved him.

My answer had been yes, I love him more than anything.

And then, before I could even add to that response, he had grabbed me by the wrists, pinned me down and kissed me roughly.

And I didn't do anything to stop him. I didn't stop him during any of his advances. I never said, "Hey this isn't right, I have a boyfriend." Or "I don't love you." I didn't push him away or anything. I just simply went along with it.

I didn't even realize what we had done until after we had done it.

So that's what happened. I cheated on my Yugi with the person he is closest to than anyone in the entire world; his other half. I don't even deserve to call myself his friend.

Two months ago, we went shopping together to pick out what we would wear to the dance. It's a formal dance, so we needed formal clothes. I bought a deep purple dress made of satin that was long enough to touch my toes without wearing shoes.

He bought a tuxedo with a purple dress so we'd match. I had though it was funny that even though the tux was the smallest one they had, it was still big on him. I also liked the way the vest brought out his eyes. He has the most gorgeous eyes. Deep amethyst and almost big enough to cover his whole face, so it gives him a childish appearance. They sparkle with such innocence and happiness.

I don't want to bring pain to his eyes. I can't do that to him. Never have I seen his eyes fill with any emotion besides happiness. He's always cheerful, always kind. That is just his nature. That is why I love him so much. And because of my love for him, I must tell my secret. How in love would I be if I kept it to myself?

Even if his eyes fill up with sadness, even if he despises me for telling, I have to confess to him what I've done.

As I pick up the dress to change into it, I feel uneasy again. He'll be arriving soon to pick me up. He'll look so happy and I will be so sad. I will break his heart tonight. I will shatter him all because of that one stupid mistake.

Slipping the dress on, I wonder what he'll think when he sees me in it. He had told me when I bought the dress not to try it on in front of him. He wanted to see it on me the night of the dance. In his words, he wanted to be `dazzled by my beauty' for the last time, on our last night together.

He doesn't like it when I wear makeup. He says it masks my true radiance. And that is another thing I love about him, he's so romantic. Sometimes I can hardly even accept the complements that he gives me, for they seem so far from the truth that it's unreal. But he insists that he is right, so I let him believe it.

I don't think he's ever said one negative thing about me in all our years of knowing each other.

I'm an idiot for what I've done.

I'm going to lose him forever.

I'm going to lose my Yugi.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

After I'm dressed, I get a phone call from him. He explains that he had car trouble and can't pick me up. He apologizes profusely and says that he'll meet me there. Typical of him to be so sorry when nothing is even his fault.

My mom drives me to the school when it's time to leave. She's the only one besides me that knows what happened between the spirit and I. When I question as to whether I should tell Yugi or not, she simply tells me to look inside my heart and do what I feel is right. That didn't really help much, but I thank her and get out of the car after giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Yugi wasn't waiting for me at the gymnasium's entrance. He wasn't inside when I looked around either. Since his car had problems, I figured he was going to walk here, and that explains his tardiness.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The dance was in full swing and I still hadn't caught a glimpse of him yet. And believe me, he is not one to easily overlook with that hairstyle of his.

I barely noticed the next song as it started up. It was jazzy sounding and pretty catchy and the beginning. I could tell it was a slow song, though. There was a pretty long introduction, and then the words began to echo around the gym.

Time can never mend

The careless whisper of a good friend

To the heart and mind

Ignorance is kind

There's no comfort in the truth

Pain is all you'll find

Couples began to come together on the dance floor, some moving side to side in time with the beat of the song, others hardly moving at all and just choosing to talk instead.

Watching them all, they all look so happy. It's like we were. I don't know if we can ever be like that again. Happy and carefree. After I tell him, I don't know if things will ever be the same. He may not ever speak to me again. He may hate me. And, of course, I can't blame him.

So now I'm stuck standing by the bleachers, wallowing in my own guilt and self pity. Until I feel a small finger tap me on the shoulder. Turning around, I see him standing there, a large grin on his face and his amethyst eyes shining radiantly.

He looks very good in his tuxedo. It's nice to see him in it and I can't help but blush as I look him over. He is so much like his other self that it's almost unbelievable that they are two different people. Two...very different...people. Yugi is so much gentler than the spirit. So much more understanding, so much more love him.

God, I love him so much. I really don't want to lose him now.

"You look beautiful," he comments, his cheeks tinting pink.

He extends his arm as an invitation to come and dance with him. I agree hesitantly, knowing that the moment I have been dreading more than anything is slowly approaching.

I feel so unsure

As you take my hand and lead me to the dance floor

As the music dies

Something in your eyes

Calls to mind a silver screen

And all it's sad goodbye

We don't talk as we dance. Usually, he is one to always start a conversation. He hates the stillness of silence. We move slowly, much like the rest of the students dancing. I see him trying to catch my gaze, but purposely avoid eye contact.

After a few moments, his expression changes completely. He stops moving and looks at the floor with a slight frown on his face. Worried, I ask him what's wrong. He looks up and takes the opportunity to study my eyes and my facial features.

He blinks a few times in a confused manner, then his brows furrow together and a look of knowing settles on his face.

"I understand," he whispers quietly, staring right at me and yet, at the same time, seeming to look right through me. His eyes are glossy, like he wants to cry but is holding the tears back.

And I know that he figured it out.

I'm never gonna to dance again

Guilty feet have got no rhythm

Though it's easy to pretend

I know you're not a fool.

"...I understand," he repeats, backing away from me ever so slightly.

I try to say something, but he holds a hand up to stop me. My heart is throbbing and I want to burst into tears. What is he going to do? Is he going to leave me? Even though it's what I deserve, I couldn't bare it if he actually did. He's always been there for me, ever since we were little kids. I don't know what I'd do if he were to suddenly disappear from my life.

"I...I don't know exactly what happened between you two. But...I do know that something happened. You were acting weird ever since I got back from Europe. Yami didn't want to tell me anything and he was treating me rather coldly. So that's how I started to figure out that something happened between the two of you."

I tell him that I can explain, but he doesn't want me to. He says he'd rather not hear the details. And then, like I figured he might do in the beginning, he smiles at me and gives me a reassuring hug.

"If you are happy with him, I don't mind the least bit. I love you, but if you'd rather be with him, then I won't stand in your way."

I shake my head and tell him that Yami is not the person I want to be with. But he doesn't seem to believe me.

Should have known better than to cheat a friend
Waste a chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I dance with you, oh

"I told you I don't mind. Just admit it to me if you love him. I'll understand, don't worry." He explains in a somewhat reassuring tone. "I won't be upset." That was a complete lie and both of us knew it. The tears shining in his large, amethyst orbs proved his statement completely false.

I do my best to make it clear that I love him and that I never meant for what happened between the spirit and I to happen. I wish he would listen and believe me, but my words just seem to be making believe that I don't love him. He keeps reiterating the fact that he's alright with me loving his other self.

I finally get so frustrated that I grab him by the shoulders and, since he's shorter than me, shake him roughly. That earned me a confused look from him and the unwanted attention of fellow schoolmates.

I plead for him to listen to the words I'm saying, but his expression seems lost and his eyes remain cloudy and tearful. Yugi, I cry, Yugi please! Tears are now forming in my eyes, dripping down my cheeks and making the little mascara I had on, run.

Time can never mend
The careless whisper of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
But there's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find

"Hey, what's going on?"

Jounouchi and Mai came over to us, both looking equally concerned as they looked between the two of us. We were both crying and I still held a firm grip on Yugi's shoulders.

"Why are you acting like this?"

Yugi, breaking free from my grasp, runs from the dance floor and out of the gym. I look after him sadly. Jounouchi and Mai turn to me, each wearing the same confused expression.

I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're your not a fool

Excusing myself and uttering a small apology, I race after him.

I can't lose him. Not now. Not ever.

I love him.

Yugi!, I yell, Yugi, please come back!

Tonight the music seems so loud

I wish that we could lose this crowd

I see him sitting alone on the swing set on the other end of the sidewalk. Approaching him slowly, I kneel down on the grass, ignoring the fact that my dress would probably be ruined after this. I wrap my arms around his middle and start crying.

I feel him gently place his arms around my neck, closing his eyes for a moment. I can tell he wants to say something, but he doesn't. And we sit there quietly, silence seeming to be the best answer at the moment.

"I don't understand," he finally says, breaking the stillness moment after a few endless minutes. "I...I don't understand...why...."

I hold onto him tighter, wanting to make sure he couldn't leave me. He didn't make any move to stand or get away or anything like that, but I just wanted to make sure. I needed to make sure he wouldn't walk away just yet.

Maybe it's better this way

We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say

I love you, Yugi.

"Do you really?"

Yes, more than anything. I told that to your other self.

"Did you mean it then? Do you mean it now?"

I love you, Yugi, and even if you don't love me now after what I've done, I will always continue to love you.

He was quiet for another second or so. I could still hear that song blaring from the gymnasium. And its ironic how, at this moment, I relate to that song, and what the singer is saying.

I'm so afraid of losing you, Yugi. I didn't know how much you mean to me until I realized that you might leave me now. I don't blame you if you never want to hear from or see me again, but I want you to know that if you leave me, I won't be able to make it. You've always been there for me a-and you mean so much to me that the thought of losing you is unbearable. P-Please, I whimper, don't walk away from me.

We could have been so good together

We could have lived this dance forever

"I won't walk away from you, Anzu. I love you." He sits up straighter and lifts my head up slightly, brushing the bangs out of my eyes. He places a soft kiss on my cheek. "I love you, I have for the longest time...but you know as well as I do that things won't ever be the same between us again, not matter how much we want them to."

I know, I know. But I want so desperately to change that. I want to be with you forever, Yugi.

Standing up, he helps me to my feet and gives me one last hug. "I should be going home," he says, turning his back to me.

"I thought you said you wouldn't walk away."

His amethyst eyes glance briefly in my direction. "As I friend, I will never leave you," he explained. "But as a boyfriend, I have to walk away. I'm sorry."

And he walks away, just like that. He puts everything that happened behind him and just walks away. I admire him for wearing a smile as he leaves, but at the same time I feel like falling to the floor and begging him to turn back.

My sobs grow louder, and the swing which he previously sat on sways slightly with the gentle breeze.

Now who's going to dance with me?

Please stay

"Please..."

~THE END~