Crimson Regret

Part X: Thoughts

Yugi's POV

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, I'm laughing so hard I think I might die!

That wouldn't be such a bad idea. Oh well I don't think he needs help from me. I'm sure he knows what to do when the psychiatrist starts giving him some psychiatric bullshit. They don't listen to their hearts but their minds, which make them, think other people are crazy because they don't understand really. They only listen to the facts, which are false. But I feel kinda sorry for Ryou. I don't give him some sympathy. It's not like it's the end of the world though I wish it was but anyways…

Okay forget about that people, don't get mad at me. I'm just being…me.

Well anyways, Ryou is asking me help so he could get out of visiting a psychiatrist. Hey, I told him just be yourself. I'm pretty sure the doctor wouldn't want to. Speaking of which, I still haven't decided to join Ryou on his little trip to the psychiatric office. I figured to let him suffer because he's the one who broke our promise. Deciding to go and ditch life without me! How dare he!

But I've learned to forgive him this time. It's not like I've attempted to do it without him either. But then again Yami was always around. I swear he's acting like some bodyguard. But that just makes it even more fun. I better go visit Ryou before he threatens to tear his skin out so he won't go. And I don't doubt that he'd go through with it.

Entering Ryou's house, I wasn't surprised when he actually threatened to bodily harm himself. Bakura was basically trying to talk Ryou out of it. I sighed. None of them noticed me because they were currently fighting if Ryou would go or not. After five minutes of being ignored I yelled.

"Hey!" I yelled out catching their attention.

"Look, Ryou, I'll go with you so the doctor doesn't drive you crazy," I said. Ryou nodded and walked towards me and out the door waiting. I looked back at Bakura. "Hey, aren't you coming? Just because I was able to make him go doesn't mean I can't stop him if he runs."

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OH MY GOD! THIS IS SO HILARIOUS!

Ryou is so sulking. I can tell that he wishes for the session to be over. He always glances back at the clock every second hoping that it would actually go faster. Bakura was waiting outside in case Ryou decides to flee. I wouldn't even try to stop him because this doctor is talking with his brain.

"Will you please stop giving me this psychiatric shit?! Just because I appear crazy doesn't mean I'm not in my right mind!" Ryou yelled out and stormed away from the office. The doctor was a bit stunned. I looked at her and smiled sheepishly before muttering a 'sorry' then going out. I'm surprised Ryou was still there just standing by Bakura.

Well, not bad for a first day, ne?

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Tap, tap, tap…

God won't he stop strumming his fingers on the table? It's irritating me. Apparently Ryou and I are stuck in the principal's waiting lobby. Someone found out about Ryou's predicament of having to see a shrink and told the whole school. Then the teasing got a little too far and Ryou got into a fight. Thing is he started it and I just joined in later. The injured kid was suffering a broken arm and rib plus a concussion. Ryou, I can tell, didn't care what happened. Besides it was the kid who provoked him so they shouldn't get punished a lot, but this particular kid was the principal's son. Bad position to be in right now. I bet we're going to be suspended. I'm not surprised when Yami and Bakura didn't take the blame for us.

"How could a weak one like him do this much damage?" both of us heard through the door. The principal was a loud man and liked to hear his voice so you'd know when he'd be coming. I wonder if Yami would let me send the principal to the shadow realm? I'm sure Bakura wouldn't mind if Ryou did it. Man I'm so bored.

"Hey, Yugi, you want to go?" Ryou asked. Hmm…that didn't seem like a bad idea.

"Yeah, I don't want to listen to what Principal Loudmouth has to say," I stated before we both got up and walked out of the campus. Now what were we going to do?

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Dammit I'm bored and my boredom reliever isn't here. That sucks. If you're wondering who it is it's Ryou, my only source of entertainment. I don't know what to do and Ryou's not here to provide any suggestions. Oh yes I know exactly what I could do that he couldn't since he's constantly on watch by Bakura. I wondered why does Bakura care? Is he like not going to feel guilty because he couldn't stop Ryou and would just be blaming himself? Heh, pathetic, why should he feel guilty? Ryou's the one who wanted to do it. To me it's if you want to die then just die. Besides you're going to die later on anyways. Would you die in forty seconds or forty years?

Some people wish they could die in forty seconds. God knows I would but I can't. Yami somehow knows when to come in when I'm about to die. It's as if he's invading my thoughts. He's reading them so probably he wouldn't feel guilty for what he's been doing and he doesn't want to live with it for the rest of his life. Damn that blade resting untouched on my desk was calling out to me, to my skin.

Must…resist temptation…so Yami won't find out…and burst in…ruining everything!

Ah, SCREW IT!

My hand instinctively reached for it, gripping it so that it wouldn't drop. I slashed and felt the cool metal pierce my skin. I always crave the metal to touch my skin. Dragging it across my skin I can hear my heart beat so fast. I see the blood flow out of my body onto the floor dripping and flowing like a deep dark bloody crimson river. I flicked my tongue on the blood running down my arm. Salty and coppery but still dirty.

Everyday as I look at the world around me I always thought my blood was dirty. So I cleaned out every day since you wash your body everyday then it's the same.

Damn it's getting darker. I need to clean this up before Yami comes and sees the mess. Forget it, I'll just tell him it's an accident. I took my knife and hid it somewhere in my room where he won't find it. I cleaned up the best I could in my hazy state before going back to my room and collapsing from reality on top of my bed.

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I woke up with the sun hitting my face. Damn light. I stood up shielding my eyes with my hand and closed the drapes. I walked back to my bed lying back down. Then I realized it was school! Oh shit that sucked. No, wait I've been suspended until the principal's son is out of the hospital, which could be for a very long time but hey, I could self-mutilate as much as I want while Yami's at school. Heh, isn't getting suspended fun?

Some people might not think it but I do because I actually have freedom to do what I wish. I doubt Bakura would realize that Ryou's staying home alone. Bakura knows what suspension means but he might not realize that Ryou's staying home with no companion. I would never be selected as one of the best companions ever since I'm such a bad influence, as stated by Bakura. I just shrugged at him and said,

"It's not my fault that people believe me."

I left after that. Just because I say things it doesn't mean that I'm an influence. Others just wish to do it, right? I mean I don't control them they control themselves. Maybe the reason Bakura's blaming everything on me is because he doesn't want to admit it's his fault because Ryou was right in front of him giving signals. Well it could be partially my fault but I just leave everyone alone. They won't try to haunt me when I go for trying to stop them.

Hey do you think I'm a bad influence?

Never mind. You people believe what you want to believe I could care less. Besides everyone believes in something, I guess. Or some don't. I know I don't. Hey do you think if Ryou was a great influence maybe he could make me believe that life is worth living? Listening to him I'd actually think about it but if it were someone else I wouldn't think twice about it. I don't know why maybe it's because I've known Ryou for a while.

But I know one thing, either we're going to die before the year is over or continue living the lies that people around us keep telling.

TBC------------------------------

Kinshin: Sorry people I took so long! I'm just so dead this past few weeks. But I guess I'm sorry to say this story is about to end because I planned it to be this long. It seems like the happy endings won so I'm going to write a happy ending. But if you people wish for me to write the double suicide ending then I will. Just tell me k? Thanks for your reviews and visits!

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