Crimson Regret

Alternate Ending: Crimson Regret

Ryou's POV

Oh god, oh god, oh god…

Why can't she just shut up?

She should know that it's useless right now. I don't want to live; I don't want to be alive. I want to end it. I can see why they say she's the best. Her attitude makes people want to be thinking positively.

Well it isn't working for me.

I'm still thinking negatively. I'll just make her believe that I'm getting better so I could get out of here. The sooner the better. I get to kill myself because I don't want to live. Like they say why can't you choose when you die? It's pointless to live life when you're going to grow up, work, have kids, send your parents to the retirement house, and then die? Why bother living life, despite what people say is good about it, when you're just going to die anyways? That is a question I wish to hear being answered.

Going home is going to be a long walk for me. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see Bakura at all. Maybe he's with Taki as always. Oh well, I don't care anymore. He can live my life for me, something I couldn't do since I was a child.

I couldn't live my life at all.

What's the point of living when you have no companionship?

I know Kaiba would be a good example but Mokuba is always there for him. That's nice. He can say that he isn't completely heartless only to the people in the outside world. People in general just stab me in the back. They never really did help me out. I wish I had a disease when I was born. Maybe then dad would've actually paid attention to me.

I always thought that I should've either never been born or at least changed in appearance. I think the only reason dad just leaves me in the middle of Japan alone is because I remind him of the wife and daughter (A/N: I don't know about him having a sister and stuff and she died with his mom so just um…bare with me hear okay?) he could've had, had they not died. Damn, I feel like crying again.

I resisted the urge because she would say something again. She'd be telling me things I don't want to hear like 'oh it's going to be okay' or 'Oh there's nothing to worry about, you're in good hands'. Good hands my ass. I'm not in good hands. If I were, the person right in front of me would actually tell my why I need to live not the reasons I should live for. It was like setting goals for my future, that would most likely not exist, that I don't even want.

Now that I think about it, she asked me what my goals for the future were. I told her that I wanted to help people live a little bit longer, you know, be a doctor. But yet here I am in some psychiatrist's office for being suicidal. You know that the police, for trying to kill yourself, could pick you up? So that's why you should do it somewhere privately not publicly, unless you want publicity, then I guess it's okay. It's like your arrested for attempted murder on yourself. Heh, isn't that funny? They can't press charges against you because they have nothing to go on. So since they have nothing to do with you then you're just being sentenced to seeing a psychiatrist daily.

God how dumb is that? Why would they take you in when you'll just be released? The higher ups are just probably looking for something to do because they're just being paid sitting on their asses with nothing to do. And we pay a lot of taxes.

Finally the session was over. I breathe a sigh of relief that I was out of there. She still didn't reckon me fit to be on the loose on my own yet. Besides no suicidal or crazy person ever will because there is no cure for this, drugs, or murder. In the end we all die. Someone killing you or you killing yourself is just that there's no one to blame except whatever we evolved from or who created us. Some people wish to be immortal but that wouldn't work because there is nothing that would make anyone immortal unless it's some destructive creature that can escape death.

Though there are some bad points to living in a period of time. For example, you'll see your family either abandon you or die as you get left behind. Friends, would either think it's cool then hate you later on as they grow or otherwise they'll just abandon you too. Then you'd wish you died. So I guess that it's good to accept what you have and what you get.

It's not like anyone cares unless it's happening to him or her, which I find very selfish. They said that they'd be your friends to the very end. That is total bullshit. No one in their heart of hearts is really willing to go the depths to protect you. You'll just see the atruth if that ever happens in your life which is most likely probably not going to happen.

You know I just thought of something the psychiatrist said.

'You probably aren't really suicidal; you're just playing around hoping that you would actually die. The fact that you're still alive proves that you don't want to die. You just want attention…'

Do you think that's real? I didn't want attention. Why does she think I isolated myself from everyone else? After she said that phrase I was willing to take that small dagger sitting on her collection set and actually go in front of her to kill myself knowing that it's her fault that she said those words. Bakura would blame her for making me do it since she provoked it. He would argue that I was proving myself to her that I was really suicidal.

But then…

…I can only dream that would happen.

He would probably just move on and I wouldn't be there. Taki is replacing me. Dad might come back and find me different. I would change from that sweet and innocent look to something a bit more sinister and maybe he would like him better. It's not use. It doesn't matter what I do or say to please my father. He wished I probably died with or in place of my mother and sister. And most of the time I wished I really did.

Maybe I should.

I can call Yugi. Maybe he wants to also.

I picked up a piece of paper and began to write.

This is for the best. It's much better if this world really did live without me. Besides the Earth itself would be rid of another burden.

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Yugi's POV

I'm so tired. I didn't get an ounce of sleep last night. If you want to know, I was thinking of something. Though I promised myself I wouldn't ponder it anymore but everyone that I've meet I couldn't seem to get out of my head.

I thought of what they did to me at the first meeting. Everything was messed up and I couldn't do anything. I was just some poor excuse for a human to even exist. Thinking of the past just made me hate myself and everyone else even more. I couldn't take it. I just wished I could die right now. I could force myself to stop breathing. The only way you could do that is by hanging yourself. But I don't want to do that. You suffer more. I don't wish to suffer anymore.

All this time I had always wished that someone would care for me and I'd be surrounded by happiness. But I always knew that it was too far away for me to reach. I can never have something like that because the person that I'm with a friend with really is thinking the same way I am. Maybe this is also guilt by association. I guess I was really fooled into thinking that someday someone would actually notice me for once. They would see what problem I had.

But then again no one gets what he or she really wants. I know that I never had anything I wanted in the first place. I'm just a human wanting attention yet doesn't want to attract any. I'm lucky I don't. They probably thought I wasn't going to do it and I actually did or at least attempted to because I wanted to. When other people think about this they hesitate because they always think about family and friends. They would just stab you in the back. You would never be free. You would always be stuck in the same place doing the same routine for years.

It'll just be like you're just trying to get by everyday.

Do you want to live like that?

It seems like the more people you have in your lives the more problems you have. You have to deal with this and that and you're always the center of things. People would blame you for disasters that you can't really fix all at once. I know I wouldn't be able to. It's too much work. But we're getting off topic here.

Yes, maybe I should just end it all. I will prove that I'm not 'playing around' with death because I keep saying it. I'm going to prove Ryou's psychiatrist wrong. Besides it's her words against us dead guys. Though they would just file it suicide not murder. You know sometimes words can get you in a lot of trouble. That's why I never say anything.

But it doesn't matter. Everything is hopeless anyways. There's nothing to appreciate. There's nothing I can appreciate since I've never really made any accomplishments. Even if I did I'm the only one who knows if I made them or not. And I prefer it that way. I never did like the spotlight.

I should call Ryou. Maybe he'd want to leave this world too.

Before I could pick up the phone, it rang.

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Ryou's POV

I heard the phone ring as I dialed it on the other side. I was hoping Yugi would pick up and Viola! He did.

"Hello?" I heard his voice drift through the phone.

"Hey," I said simply.

"Oh hey Ryou, I was just about to call you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to ask you something if that's okay with you."

"Sure it is."

"Can you meet me at the place we always met to talk?"

"Yeah, when?"

"Maybe in about five minutes. I'll see you then."

"Okay, bye."

I hung up. I wonder what he was going to talk to me about. The thing I worried about was that he would actually say he wanted to live and would try to convert me. That I would never permit. I would've just said that my psychiatrist brainwashed him with her words. But then again it would be my fault because I'm the one who told him of the sessions I had with her.

But if that's what he wants then I guess I'll just do it alone. It's not like anyone would care if I went away. I have nothing to live for. My dad is always out and Bakura…

I can dream can't I?

It doesn't matter. It's hopeless to me. There's nothing I can believe in now. No one is willing to help me. The psychiatrist is using reverse wording on me so she could get her job done quicker but I'm not that stupid or naïve. I guess I gotta go right now if I want to make it in time so Yugi wouldn't think I was ditching him. I folded the note and set it where someone, who actually pays attention to detail, would find it. I grabbed my razor blade on the way out.

I have a feeling that I'm going to need it.

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Yugi's POV

I walked to our usually meeting place. It's where we always meet if we wish to talk. It's some old house that's been abandoned. We stay over sometimes when it isn't to cold because the house is broken. No one's been in there yet except for us. It was a perfect place. I looked at my blade as it shone through its hilt. I might need this today incase Ryou's psychiatrist made him a positive person again, which I believe is a big treachery. He better not have. Otherwise I'll pound three hours of bent up frustration in his ear. And I tell ya, it's not a pretty sight.

But it doesn't matter what. I'll just be dead five minutes later. It didn't matter what happened it was going to be today. Otherwise I'm going to regret this later in my life even if I'm living a great white lie. I arrived at the old house and wasn't surprised to not see Ryou there since he doesn't live as close as I do. I went inside and sat on the ruined carpet. At least it was soft to either lay on or sit on. But we never lay on it if we sleep here overnight. We just bring our sleeping bags.

A minute later Ryou entered. He was hesitant about something and almost seemed so nervous. I wonder why he called. Is it for the same reason or is it something that I'm wishing wouldn't happen? I looked at him and smiled one of my most famous fake smiles. He just smiled back too. I guess one of his also famous fake smiles. He sat down beside me.

It was silent for a moment.

"Is there something you wanted to ask me?" I asked him since it was he who called me first.

"Um…well…" he began. He was a little nervous but why? He knows that he could tell me anything.

"It's just that I… Do you remember when my doctor said that we were just playing around because we're still alive?"

"Yeah and what?"

"I just wanted to…"

"Prove her wrong?"

"Yes and no. I just can't take it and I wish that I thought of this before instead of suffering another day in this world where everything is non-existent. And I don't know if you wanted to or not but I know I am."

He pulled out his blade and grasped it in his hand tightly. So he was thinking the same thing I was. It's amazing that we think so much alike. I grasped his hand that was around the handle of the blade snapping him out of his trance. I looked at him in understanding. It had to be today because…

It seemed like death is the only way out of this long dark tunnel of pain…

And that is just what we're going to do be it together or separately…

We would be on our way out of this long shadowy tunnel.

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Normal POV

The note on the kitchen counter was picked up. The person opened it and read the contents. It read:

To whoever finds this,

When you begin reading this I have already been long gone. As my life continued I noticed that it didn't seem to be going right for me. And as I was being told differently I realized that I was just dreaming a lifelong dream that wasn't real. I needed to be released. I needed to feel alive because I always felt like I was dead even if I am thinking I'm alive. I just couldn't take the pain and guilt over my heart that has been there since I learned what emotions meant. Now I understand them. I've been told that I was pretending, pretending and playing around with death thinking I'm going to die. But this time there is no playing around. This time it is for real. This is reality…

Signed,

-Anonymous

The holder dropped the paper to the floor in shock. As the person sunk to their knees, tears began to form from their eyes as the truth of reality hit them real hard. There was no turning back. There was no way to reverse time.

This time…

There are no second chances.

~ Owari ~

Kinshin: Yes! I finally finished the Alt End. I thought I was not going to do it. And I'm sorry it was so short than the other two endings because this one is a combined one and there was no need to write so long oh and I apologize if there wasn't that much angstyness. But anyways thanks for your reviews and visits! They kept me going! Tell me what you think!

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