Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Crosses To Bear ❯ Evolution: Yugi ( Chapter 2 )

 

Evolution: Yugi

 

We're chillin' out with the crew in the schoolyard. Finding trouble, never working too hard. Back at class they never taught us this. But some things you gotta learn to hit or miss. Tough times, hard climbs, we'll take `em on together. Right now, let's go! Yu-Gi-Oh GX: Generation neXt!

 

“What is that atrocious tune that you're singing, Yami?” Yugi asked the spirit with his own thoughts. Yami had only meant to be speaking to himself.

 

Oh, just the theme song to the future of Duel Monsters, Yami said nonchalantly.

 

“Mind running that last part by me one more time?” Yugi said tersely.

 

Generation neXt? Yami offered.

 

“No, that other part,” Yugi hinted.

 

Yu-Gi-Oh GX? What of it?

 

“Who or what the hell is the next generation of Yu-Gi-Oh? It has my name all over it, am I involved?”

 

Um, well, the main character has your first name as his last name and word on the street is, you make a brief appearance in the first episode, but other than that, no. Oh, and your face isn't shown either.

 

“Those mother--! How dare they just write me out of the script! It's not Yu-Gi-Oh without a Yugi! And last names don't count since my last name is Moto! Does this show continue with my offspring or something?”

 

Actually, I don't think you have any children. Something about being a sixty year-old virgin…

 

“Double mother—!“ Yugi took a deep, calming breath. “Okay, that's all cool. I mean…wait, they make shows about Duel Monsters?! How come no one ever told me? Am I being filmed right now?!”

 

You've been filmed from the moment you were born. It's kind of like that movie starring Jim Carry.

 

“Bruce Almighty?” Yugi offered.

 

No, not that one.

 

“Fun with Dick and Jane?”

 

No, this one's older than both of them. That movie where his whole life was filmed.

 

“Oh, you're talking about The Truman Show. Good movie.”

 

Yes, well that's how it's kinda been for you. Word to the wise, I'd stop ordering the adult movies from pay per-view. The whole nation has been watching them with you. Although we surprisingly got high ratings from your curiosity peek at Broke-Back Mountain. But anyways…so, why are we going to Joey's house again?

 

“For emotional comfort from my suddenly distressing and unbearable desertion of my family.” Yugi recited as though he had memorized it.

 

Uh-huh…Yugi, you do remember the last time you went over to Joey's, he gave you a male make-over?

 

“Yeah, but that wasn't so bad,” Yugi shrugged.

 

He put you on Pimp My Friend, Yami countered.

 

“Which wasn't so bad.” Yugi reiterated.

 

He had you looking like a retarded gang-banger! Yami screamed. The whole nation saw you! Do I need to do a flashback?

 

“No, not really, I—“

 

Here, maybe this will refresh your memory.

 

As though waiting for a cue, a dream cloud opened up in Yugi's mind and a tape began rolling of that fateful day.

 

----------

It had been a day like today, a day where his grandfather nearly broke his back doing palates and Yugi and Yami had had another fall-out over what they would wear. In the end, Yugi wore his school uniform. On a Saturday morning. Yami was pissed.

 

Joey had opened his door civilly enough when he had come over and had even shown Yugi into the living room where he served him…well, nothing. That wasn't Joey's way.

 

They sat across from each other, Joey rubbing his hands nervously on his knees to keep the sweat off of them. “So, any plans for today?” he asked in a shaky voice.

 

“Um…maybe I'll stomp Kaiba into the ground again, duel him for those Blue-Eyes to take away any allusions of power that he may have. But other than that, no, I'm free for the day.”

 

“Good, good…” Joey said distractedly. A second later, the front door received a loud knock. Joey jumped a foot in the air before running to answer it. Yugi could hear commotion from that direction, but figured he was chewing out the Bible sales people. If there was one thing that burned Joey up, it was anyone trying to convert his ways.

 

Minutes later, he returned and he wasn't alone. In tow, he now had a group of people and several cameramen. “Okay, this is him,” he said, pointing at Yugi.

 

“Joey, what is this--?” Yugi tried to say, but was interrupted.

 

“Yo, Yuge, this your boy X-zibit and you're on Pimp My Friend!” The leader of the group said.

 

Yugi shrank back into the couch, trying to make himself seem as inconspicuous as possible. Though with five cameras pointing at you with bright lights and microphones, the motion was wasted.

 

“Um, hi…” Yugi whimpered out. Yami, help!! He screamed to the spirit.

 

Beep! You have reached Yami's voice mail. He is currently on vacation in some undisclosed location within the Puzzle, but if you would leave your name, number and a brief message, he will get back to you as soon as possible. Another beep sounded for him to start talking, but he'd be damned if he started leaving messages inside his own head for someone that shouldn't have been there in the first place.

 

“Oh, okay,” Yugi said aloud to the group of people. “I get it. This is like one of those reality prank shows, huh? Like Punk'd? Hey, maybe I'll get to meet Ashton Kutcher!”

 

“Um, no, this isn't like Punk'd, kid. This is Pimp My Friend and Joey has asked us to come pimp you out!” X-zibit said. “Now come with us down to our workshop and we'll have you fitted and ready to impress the ladies in no time.”

 

“But my character is a fifteen year-old boy that's still four-foot eleven and who, as far as anyone knows, hasn't had a single girlfriend and due to the amount of time he spends with an ancient Egyptian pharaoh and their close bond, now has a questionable sexuality. All this is to say that I'm ready to do anything to prove that I'm straight to stop all the YamixYugi fanficts.”

 

The silence in the room was deafening.

 

“Um, let's just go,” Yugi said, leading the way out the door.

 

Outside, a stretch Hummer limo waited for them. He, Joey, X-zibit, and three of the camera people piled inside, the others following behind in another car.

 

“So Yugi, how would you describe your style?” the rapper asked him.

 

“Um, I guess you could call it—“

 

“Lame!” Yami said, appearing out of his Puzzle to sit beside Yugi. “God, please for the love of Ra, throw that fuckin' uniform away!”

 

“Whoa! Playa, you're kinda blinged out with that gold around your neck, huh?” X-zibit said, seemingly oblivious to the person that had just materialized from the Item.

 

“Well, this is my Millennium Puzzle and—“

 

“Man, I'm gonna make that a style!” X-zibit interrupted. “Flava Flav may have huge clocks around his neck, but you're gonna look fly like an Egyptian pharaoh with that pyramid!”

 

“Wait, huh?” Yugi questioned.

 

“Now don't worry, we'll make sure people can still recognize you. Like that funky hair you have. You're Japanese, how the hell did you get an afro?!”

 

“I've been asking myself the same thing for the longest,” Yugi admitted.

 

The limo pulled up to a large building that was hard to describe. It looked like a warehouse with a hair salon built into it and a slight flair of a mansion perhaps. Whatever it was, it was overwhelming.

 

“Um, Mr. X-zibit?” Yugi asked timidly to the snickers of the others, even Yami. “Aren't you supposed to be hosting another show? Something about cars? When did you start pimping out people?”

 

“Man, there's a killing to be made from pimping people!” the man told him as they walked inside the building. “Most people wish that they could be someone different. That's where I come in. I make that dream a reality.”

 

“Boy, doesn't that sound familiar? A little show called Made ring a bell?” Yugi muttered. “Also, doesn't this seem kinda like that TLC show, What Not to Wear?”

 

“Man, fuck Clinton and Stacy!” X-zibit shouted. “Nobody wanna wear that frou-frou golf club shit. There needed to be a show for the brotha's apparel, you feel me?”

 

“Physically or metaphorically speaking?” Yugi asked. The other man ignored the question. “So, um, I'm not a, um, well, you know. How come you're doing this for me?”

 

“Cause a dollar is a dollar no matter who it comes from. Now my job is done. Stand here and let my team take it away.”

 

“But we're in Japan! I don't have dollars, I only have yen!” But X-zibit didn't seem to hear him and kept walking. Yugi stood ram-rod straight as he was left alone to another group of foreigners. “Wait, Yami! You don't have to leave too!” He yelled to the spirit.

 

Uh, there's this thing I gotta do…Egyptian pharaoh stuff…see ya! A flash from the Puzzle showed that he had returned to the labyrinth inside.

 

The people went to work on Yugi, making him try on outfit after outfit. The first one was a baby blue warm up suit, like what maybe the NBA team the Nuggets might wear. This was quickly discarded.

 

The second outfit was a pair of extremely baggy dark blue jeans, a striped shirt, a pair of Timberland boots and a cap placed on top of his pointy hair. Yugi tried to take a step in the heavy shoes and loose clothes and only succeeded in falling flat on his face.

 

After what had seemed like forever, they found something that seemed to suit the boy. In a large, brightly lit mirror, Yugi examined himself. For the most part, his attire had remained the same, though he now found himself sporting leather pants. On his feet were black silver studded boots and at his complaining, the people had let him keep the jacket to his school uniform. Except now the jacket kind of billowed…as though it had been starched to stay that way. Like Kaiba's clothes.

 

Hm, not bad, not bad, Yami commented. But I think this would look better on someone with a higher stature. Someone like me.

 

Without warning, they switched places with their spirits, Yugi being thrown into the world of his Puzzle while Yami surfaced into his host's body.

 

“Yes, it looks much better on me,” Yami said in his deep voice, scaring the hell out of everyone watching. “Although, this jacket is still horrendous.” He turned around and searched the clothes around them until he found a belt. He used it to fasten the jacket around his neck sort of like a cape.

 

Just then, Joey and the others returned. “Whoa, Yuge! They totally pimped you out!” his friend shouted, amazed at the transformation. “What'd they do, lipo on your face or somethin'? Where's all the baby fat that you usually have?”

 

“It's me, Joey,” Yami stated in his deep voice.

 

“Oh, you! Well that explains everything. Kinda creepy how tiny little Yugi has a grown man inside of him…so, did they do lipo on him?”

 

Tell Joey, I'm not fat, Yugi complained.

 

“Joey, Yugi says that your momma is fat,” Yami told the other boy.

 

“Nigh?” Joey said, puzzled.

 

“Yes, he says she's really, really fat,” Yami said.

 

What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to get us killed?

 

“Don't worry, he'll understand,” Yami told Yugi.

 

“Why don't you tell Yugi he can take his fat-ass chipmunk cheeks to hell!” Joey snarled.

 

“Yugi says your momma will get there first since her weight will pull her down faster.”

 

“Alright, tell Yugi that if he doesn't want my size twelve foot up his ass, he'll shut his trap!” Joey was beyond caring that the others were watching him fight with a five-thousand year old spirit and a third person whom they couldn't see.

 

“Yugi says your momma needs to sew two size twelve outfits together to cover only half her body.” Yami countered.

 

“Okay, that's it. Now I'm ticked!” Joey charged like a bull, his fist raised and ready to punch.

 

Just before the blow landed, Yami switched bodies with Yugi again, so it was Yugi's presence that felt the blow. It rocketed him across the room where he crashed into a clothes rack.

 

“Great frickin' going, nimrod. Lovely how you insult his mother and then switch back to being a spirit just as his fist collides with my face. God, I love it when you do that.”

 

See, told you he'd understand, Yami said simply.

 

“Oh, he understood alright. Understood that he had to kick my ass. Yami, you're grounded from my body.”

 

Yugi stood up slowly, making sure that Joey wasn't going to attack him again. “Joey, you know that was Yami speaking there. I didn't say any of that stuff. I've met your mom, she looks like an older version of Serenity. Except for more fuller…”

 

“Yeah Yuge, it's all good. But I had to hit your body, Yami doesn't have one. And now that you've said what you've just said, I'm putting a restraining order on you from being around both my sister and my mom. She's nearing forty, Yuge. That's sick!”

 

“Uh, can we get back to the matter at hand?” X-zibit asked them. He deftly lifted the Puzzle from around Yugi's neck and walked away with it. “I got an idea for this baby here. When I'm finished, it'll go harder than paint!”

 

“Wha--?” The phrase was lost to Yugi. And Joey. Even the cameramen didn't get it.

 

“It'll look cool,” X-zibit shouted over his shoulder before disappearing through a door in the back of the building.

 

Yugi entertained himself by playing a TV game show with Joey. “List things you would find in a supermarket. You got thirty seconds. Go.”

 

An hour later, after Joey had listed everything you would be more likely to find in Circuit City, the rapper returned with his beloved Millennium Item.

 

“Yo man, you got some serious voo-doo stuff going on with this thing,” he said to Yugi as he gave him back the Puzzle. “As I held it, something kept yapping on about the heart of the cards or something. And what the hell is an Obelisk?”

 

“Um, don't worry about that.” Yugi said with a nervous laugh. He wouldn't admit to anyone, but those minutes without Yami had been torturous. He hoped he would never have to be without his presence again.

 

And this is why people think you are gay, Yami told him. He had picked up on Yugi's thoughts.

 

“You know you missed me too,” Yugi said plaintively.

 

Yami neither confirmed nor denied the statement.

 

“Okay Yugi, you're fully pimped out,” X-zibit interrupted the mental conversation. “Especially with that iced out pyramid.”

 

Of course this only adds to the stereotype that rappers don't think they can look good unless they have some sort of chain or “iced” jewelry on their person, Yami said sadly.

 

Yami, has your spirit been sneaking off to anthropology seminars again? Yugi asked him.

 

Hey, the stuff is useful.

 

At this, the flashback that Yami had been showing him ended. Yugi had been standing still in the same spot for over an hour outside of Joey's house.

 

“You know, at second thought, maybe I should just head over to Téa's instead,” Yugi told the pharaoh. But just as he was about to turn around and walk away, the door opened and he was snatched inside by a hand. Uh-oh, drama in the Wheeler house.