Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Crush ❯ Chapter 1

Title: Crush

Author: Tsutsuji

written: 7/9/04

Fandom: Yugioh

Pairing: Yugi/Ryou, shonen ai (mention of het pairings Jou/Mai, YamiYugi/Anzu, Honda/Shizuka)

Rating: PG13

Summary: Yugi has a crush, and a plan. Fluff and UST and romance with a tiny hint of angst.

Disclaimer: Kazuki Takahashi owns these characters and he doesn't write shonen ai, as far as I know, which is how you can tell that I'm not him.

Note on names: the English version of the manga says it's spelled "Ryo" but we're all used to Ryou so I'm sticking with that. Also, I know Yugi would call Ryou "Bakura-kun," but I'm having him use Ryou's given name in this story to avoid confusion with Yami Bakura.

….

Yugi had fallen for his new classmate without even realizing it. Anyone else could have seen it from the start, which was over a year ago now; but everyone else wasn't looking at Yugi when it happened. They were all gazing with curiosity or fascination at the new boy being introduced to the class. If anyone had glanced in Yugi's direction, they would have seen his enraptured face as he repeated the new student's name in his mind: "Ryou Bakura…." Of course, even then, most people might not have realized what it meant, because Yugi Moutou often had a glazed, goofy, far-away look in his eyes, especially during classes - or when the subject of games came up.

Love of games was what brought him and Ryou together as friends, of course, although that got complicated by the ancient magical Items he and Ryou owned. And then there were more complications and distractions - first, rescuing Yugi's grandfather and the Kaiba brothers from Pegasus, and after that, dealing with the Rare Hunters and Malik, the ancient tablets in the Domino Museum, and the prophecies of Isis Ishtar and the mysterious Shadi… and not least of all, the Spirits that were bonded with Yugi himself and with Ryou: Yami Yugi, the Game King in Yugi's puzzle, and his ancient rival, the Thief King Bakura, Spirit of the Ring.

But eventually, all of this was sorted out. Through the wonders of time and fate and ancient magic, Yami Yugi (as he was still sometimes called, though he had his own name now) has a life again, a body of his own, and the task of adjusting to life in modern times. Through another twist of fate, Bakura, the Spirit of the Ring, has also been allowed a second chance at life. And everyone, it seems, is finding happiness to some degree, and romance has begun to blossom. Jonouchi and Mai are dating, and Yami is slowly but certainly falling in love with a rapidly maturing Anzu, and Honda has succeeded in winning Shizuka's heart. Bakura disdains most social contact, but even he has found a friend of sorts in Malik, which makes sense to Yugi. Both of them have ancient regrets and much to atone for. As they try to find their places in the modern world, their strange friendship seems to be one thing that works for them.

Yugi looks around at all his friends, and although he isn't exactly lonely, he feels like something is missing. He often sees Ryou at school, usually sitting alone, and he remembers the first day he saw the white-haired, soft-voiced newcomer, and all of a sudden one day he recognizes what his own feelings were back then.

Yugi is still kind and polite and a bit of a pushover, until it comes right down to it, and then, when he's motivated, that all changes. Nobody would ever mistake him for his Other Self, but when he knows what he wants he can be just as tough, just as strong, and just as determined as the Yami Yugi ever was. And all of a sudden one day he knows that he wants to be with Ryou.

The only question is, what to do about it.

Yugi has learned a thing or two about strategy, and he soon has a plan. It makes sense to go back and start over at the beginning, he thinks. So, one day at lunch, he asks Ryou casually if he wants to get together to play some games.

"Sure, Yugi, I'd love to," Ryou says, his eyes lighting up. "Should we get together with the others and meet after school?"

"Well," Yugi says, looking around the lunch room at his scattered friends, "I think they're all kind of busy these days with other things. We'll see if anyone else wants to join us, but I bet it will be just you and me… if that's okay with you?"

"Of course! I'm still not very good at Duel Monsters; Bakura always played for me when it really mattered, but I'd like to learn more."

"And I'd like to learn more about RPG's from you. You still play Monster World, don't you?"

"Well, yes, actually… when I can find anyone to play it with. Most of the kids at school prefer Duel Monsters or Dungeon Dice Monsters, or video games. But I was playing RPG's even before Bakura came along. I'd be glad to teach you how to really play it, without any Shadow Magic!"

Yugi nods happily. He's glad Ryou still loves his favorite games, in spite of all that's happened to him.

"Let's meet at my grandpa's shop after school, then. I think there's a new Monster World module that just came in, maybe we can check it out!"

Ryou's eyes really light up at that, and that makes Yugi feel kind of lit up inside as well.

That's step one, Yugi thinks. Then he has to make sure that Jonouchi and the others are busy for the evening, checking it out in a casual way, so that nobody gets the idea he really wants them to join him and Ryou. Finally, when Ryou arrives at the shop, he's got the new game module and some brand new Duel Monsters booster packs laid out ready to go.

The next step in Yugi's plan is to get himself invited to Ryou's home, first making sure that Bakura will not be around, and that's not too difficult either. He discovers that Bakura is out most of the time, especially at night. To Yugi's surprise, Ryou seems concerned about the thief. "I don't know what he does… I just hope he doesn't get into trouble."

Yugi files this information away: Ryou worries about Bakura as if the ancient thief was a friend, not someone who put him through hell. He plans to find out more about Ryou's feelings for this "friend," and what their relationship is now that they're separate. He wonders if it's like the one he's got with the Yami Yugih, who is still a close friend and confidant but something more like an older brother. Sometimes they can still hear each other's thoughts or share emotions, but not like when they were two souls in one body. Yugi wonders if that's how it is with Bakura and Ryou. He knew Bakura still lives with Ryou, having nowhere else to go except the street. It hadn't occurred to Yugi that Bakura might feel anything like friendship or gratitude toward Ryou, and he certainly didn't expect to find that Ryou feels protective toward Bakura. But in a way it makes sense, he realizes. They shared a lot, as he and Yami did, and they know each other in some ways better than anyeone else could.

Yugi adds a few subtle questions about Bakura to the list of questions he plans to ask Ryou about himself. He thinks, and hopes, he knows the answers to some of those other questions, but he's not sure. He knows what some people say about Ryou, based on his doe-eyed good looks and his chronic awkwardness around girls, but Yugi also knows they say things like that about him as well, and he never thought they were true in his case… until now.

Ryou's apartment is still as Yugi remembers it from the last time he was there, a year or more ago, except that the strange collection of little dolls are gone. Regular, generic action figures populate the Monster World game. Yugi can see that Ryou has been working on game strategies, and for a moment he is caught up in the thrill of learning a new game as Ryou adds the new module to the setup. But he doesn't lose sight of his purpose. In fact, watching Ryou's happy concentration while he sets up the game gives Yugi a sharp reminder of why he's here. He notices Ryou's long, agile fingers as he arranges the game pieces, and then he looks at Ryou's intense face, smiling as if at a secret joy, which makes Yugi smile as well. Yugi looks at Ryou's deep brown eyes, notices his lashes against his pale skin when Ryou looks down at the board. But it's the smile, so rarely seen these days and so clearly genuine, that grabs Yugi's heart.

Ryou suddenly remembers his usually impeccable manners and turns to him. "Oh, I'm sorry Yugi, wouldn't you like something to eat?" he asks.

As Ryou looks up, Yugi feels like a deer in the headlights, caught staring at the other boy like this. He feels his face flush, but Ryou doesn't seem to notice anything unusual. Yugi wouldn't have thought of food, so intent is he on Ryou (and on the game), but it has been a long time since lunch.

"That would be great, but don't go to any trouble," he says.

Ryou smiles. "It's no trouble. Wait here, I'll bring some snacks. We can eat while we're playing."

During the short time Ryou is gone, Yugi sits staring at the board, but he hasn't really got his mind on the game. He's noticing that his heart is starting to pound, with nerves or excitement, or maybe something else. Having realized his feelings for Ryou, he hadn't realized how distracting it would be to be around him, or that he would be so acutely aware of Ryou's every move and expression.

"I've got it bad," he thinks to himself, "and I have to do something about it." But has he really got the nerve to talk to Ryou about what he's feeling? Can he really ask the questions he's dying to ask? What if the answer is no? Is it possible that Ryou will even be offended, his feelings hurt, if Yugi admits how he feels? Maybe he's expecting way too much, he tells himself. Just because Ryou never returns the attention the girls at school used to give him, that doesn't mean he wants the same kind of attention from another boy.

Yugi wishes he had something to guide him in this, like the way he trusts in the Heart of the Cards when he's dueling.

"I'll just have to trust in theheart of our friendship," he thinks.

Ryou comes back with a tray of snacks, and they decide to sit and eat before starting the game. Yugi tries to hide the pounding of his heart and the feelings stirring inside of him with chatter, and Ryou seems perfectly happy with this.

They talk a little about their friends, about who's doing what, and with whom. Ryou won't say much about Bakura, but his concern for the troubled former spirit touches Yugi's heart. He finds he has a similar reluctance to talk much about his Other Self, partly because talking about him makes him seem so close, as if he might appear any moment. As much as he likes his Other Self, that's the last thing he wants right now. So they speak mostly of Jou, Anzu, Honda, Shizuka, and Mai, and how nice it is to see all their friends looking so happy together.

His heart still pounding nervously, Yugi finally manages to ask the question that he's been wanting to ask.

"What about you, Ryou? Don't you have a girlfriend?"

To his distress, Ryou laughs nervously and his face reddens as he ducks his head in embarassment.

"I'm sorry, Ryou-kun," Yugi says quickly. "I didn't mean to pry."

Ryou raises his head to look at Yugi. "It's just that, well, I thought you knew…" Ryou says, his voice even softer than usual. His laughter doesn't hide the pain and a touch of fear in his eyes.

"Knew? Knew what?" Yugi hopes he knows what he's supposed to know, but he doesn't want to guess and be wrong. Maybe Ryou had a girlfriend and they broke up, or something like that, but Yugi doesn't think this could have happened without him knowing anything about it. Or maybe he's about to reveal that he and Bakura have some kind of relationship that Yugi doesn't want to hear about. But that's not what it sounds like when Ryou finally answers.

"Well, Yugi, the truth is, I don't .. don't want a girlfriend. I never have. I'm just not.. that way."

"Oh," Yugi says. Well, that takes care of that part of his plan, he thinks with relief. But now comes the riskiest part of all. Trusting to friendship and fate, he plunges in.

"I know some kids at school thought you might like boys, but I never assumed anything one way or the other," he says. "You can't tell just by how someone acts, after all, whatever anyone else says about it. But then, does that mean you have a boyfriend?"

Ryou still looks embarassed, but also relieved, and now his laughter is a little more genuine. "No, I don't have a boyfriend either," he says.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Yugi says, politely and quite untruthfully. "Well, then, Ryou-kun… would you like to have a boyfriend? Because if you did, I know of a boy who likes you a lot."

Ryou blinks at him, then blushes even more than before. "I would, actually, but… there isn't anyone else. I mean, I don't think any of our classmates are gay. As you say, you can't always tell, but I really don't think…anyway, if they were, they wouldn't want to be with me," he adds, with another embarassed laugh.

"Well, maybe he didn't realize it himself until just recently," Yugi suggests. "Of course, you might not like him as well as he likes you, so…."

Ryou just looks at Yugi for a moment, clearly baffled. Then his smile fades. "Are you teasing me, Yugi?" his soft voice is tinged with hurt.

Yugi's heart clenches at the look on Ryou's face. "No! I'm serious! There's a boy who really likes you, a lot." Ryou still looks at him doubtfully. Yugi realizes he can't turn back now. "Do you want to know who it is?" he adds, his voice almost as soft as Ryou's.

"There's really someone… a guy, who likes me?" Ryou says it as if it was quite unbelievable. It flashes into Yugi's mind, all the times he's seen Ryou sitting alone, or on the edge of his group of friends, and how Ryou must be incredibly lonely - just as he was before he made friends with Jou and the rest. He wishes he'd known his own feelings sooner.

But now, he thinks with a twinge of fear in his gut, he might be about to disappoint Ryou again, when Ryou finds out it's only him. Maybe he wants a boyfriend who's tall and strong and… ordinary. But there's nothing else to do, He can't lie, and he can't keep Ryou waiting for the answer.

That's the problem with strategies. Sometimes the other player forces your hand. He hadn't meant to say this much, but now that it's come to the point….

"I don't know if this will make you happy to know, but… it's me. I like you, Ryou-kun. I really like you a lot."

Now it's Ryou who looks like a deer caught in the headlights, staring at Yugi as if he's just said something in a foreign language.

"That can't be," Ryou says finally.

"It's true. I knew it ages ago but I didn't know I knew it, if you know what I mean." Yugi speaks quickly and lightly, now feeling embarassed himself. He wants to make it easy for Ryou if he wants to say that Yugi is the last person on earth he'd want for a boyfriend. But for a moment there's a flash of joy in Ryou's face, quickly hidden under doubt.

"But, Yugi… if you really do like guys, that doesn't mean… well, I mean, I'm not…" Ryou is trying to laugh it off, still disbelieving, looking supremely embarrassed now. Yugi's still afraid he's going to be rejected, but he knows that if Ryou isn't interested in him in this way, he'll back off politely and do his best to still be Ryou's friend.

"Do you mind that I like you so much?" Yugi says shyly.

"Do I mind? No of course not, Yugi." Ryou smiles, looking wistful. "That would be wonderful… it's just that, forgive me, but I'm not sure you know what it means."

Yugi leans toward Ryou, whose eyes widen. Yugi thinks they're the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen. He knows now that this is how he felt the first time he saw Ryou, but his mind couldn't make sense of the feeling then. Now it all makes perfect sense. And the look of cautious hope in those beautiful eyes gives Yugi courage.

"Maybe I don't know exactly what it means, but I think this is part of it," Yugi says, leaning closer still until their faces are inches apart. Ryou goes as still as a statue, staring back into Yugi's eyes, not blinking, and as far as Yugi can tell, barely breathing.

"This? `This' what?" Ryou asks breathlessly.

"This," Yugi says, and it's true he doesn't know what he's doing, because he's never kissed anyone on the lips before, but he's pretty sure that this is how it's done.

….

(that's all… so far)

(On second thought, maybe Takahashi does write shonen ai, or at least draw it; this story is based entirely on the scene where Ryou first appears in the manga, and the expression on Yugi's face as he's introduced. Looks like infatuation to me!)