Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Dark Crimson Rivers ❯ Part 3: Dark Secrets ( Chapter 3 )

Dark Crimson Rivers

Part 3: Dark Secrets

Ryou's POV

It's been like that for days. Yugi and I would sometimes skip the rest of our afternoon classes and just go home. Whether it'd be his house or mine. I enjoy spending time with him. We're alike and it's sometimes nice to tell someone your secret that they could keep. He told me his and I told him mine.

He really is a good friend.

I've been bugged by Bakura this week. That's a new surprise though. I mean, did he just notice me now? Am I really that invisible that unless I speak up, or something? Do I look see through now?

I don't think there's anything wrong with me. Bakura seems to think so. He's been pestering me about it for the week. I wish he would just mind his own business.

How I change my mind so quickly. First I want him to notice me, now I want him to go away, to stay away. I really should make up my mind. I can't have too many decisions in my head otherwise it'll make me forget things. I hear that thinking too much would make you forget things. I wonder is that true? Yes? No? Maybe so?

Let's not talk about that anymore. I think I'm crowding my head with more garbage. I should erase it, but somehow it always comes back to me at a weird time. If only I was like a computer made hikari. Someone could delete my memories that I've gathered but the downside is that you're controlled. I guess it's great to be a human. But is it great to know what life is really about?

For this whole year since I started I didn't know what life was, really. I always thought whatever the dictionary said. When I was actually paying attention in school the dictionary would always have the meanings of every word made. There were several meanings. They all meant the same thing.

So I was hoping that someone would actually show me the meaning of life. How life is really worth living. If this is it then I don't want mine. I don't like my life. I wish I could take it away. I tried but I was always too scared to do it. I always somehow cling to life. I wish I was like those brave singers or superstars that killed themselves and they were soon noticed. Their movies and CDs sell a lot. I wonder why normal people don't get noticed. I read this story where this person killed herself because she couldn't take life anymore. And when her funeral came no one knew her name. The girls who bullied her drove her to do it. Shouldn't they get arrested for murder?

I didn't know suicide was a powerful thing but when you don't leave a suicide note it's worthless. But I guess it was worth it that she killed herself and no one bothered to help her. I mean, helping someone stay alive, when they don't really want to, is selfish. The people who try to do that are just probably trying to be like a hero and when you attempt it once you can never do it again for some reason. Isn't that really stupid? You can't do anything again when you're stopped?

I lied down on my bed. It was partly stained with some blood but it's already dry. I'll wash it tomorrow when it's daytime. Bakura will be out somewhere with his girlfriend and the rest of the gang. I don't know about Yugi though. Would he like to come over and we could have our daily ritual for cutting ourselves all over? Hmm, that sounds like fun. Yeah that'll be fun I just hope that we wake up before Bakura gets back.

* * *

It's a SATURADAY! YAY!

Okay I sound so excited but it's the end of the week and the end of the school year that means for me one more year to go. Isn't everyone excited? I know I am! I don't get to deal with anything anymore. I'll just stay here in this house and just self-mutilate until I run out of blood. But that won't happen because of the food I eat. Should I stop eating? Yeah that'll be good but I don't know I'm always hungry nowadays.

Oh well. Summer break here we go!

I went down to the kitchen. I see that Bakura is already up or not. He must've slept it or left already. The clock said that it was 1 in the afternoon. I finally slept in the time I wanted to get up. No more school for a while. I know that it won't last long but that's okay. Three months seems like a long time but then when you actually have fun three months is a short time. I know that I'll be having fun because I like to do this and no one is going to stop me. Not even Bakura.

Guess what? He broke up with the friendship queen! Isn't that news? Well it was more likely she broke up with him because the house isn't kept clean, it felt dirty to her. I don't think that this house is dirty; I'm the one who cleans it.

Who cares? I sure don't.

I looked in the fridge to eat something but found that I had to cook it myself. I sighed. Now I have to cook. I hate cooking now. I used to like it but I always cooked for everyone. The only person that is here is Bakura so he's not the only one. Every time there's a party the food I cooked that is left over is eaten by the rest of them. Now I cook enough for myself, if they want to eat they should do it themselves.

After I finished cooking I started eating. I didn't cook that much. I heard the front door close. Bakura must be here or he just left. My back was to the kitchen entrance. So I didn't know if he entered for that matter. I heard crashes. Is he mad? I stood up and took a look. It was that bitch.

"Hey what are you doing?!" I said intervening. No one has a right to thrash our things except me of course, and my father.

She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. Then she threw an unbroken lamp towards me. I ducked out of harms way and heard the door shut. By the way how did she get the key to our house? Bakura must've given it to her when they were dating. Did she leave it? I looked around and saw it on the small table where the lamp used to be. She was just returning the favor. But didn't she break up with him? It doesn't matter at least she's gone.

I started picking up the pieces of broken fragments. Looks like I have to go buy new ones. Now if only I could remember where dad said the money was in case something needs to be repaired. I started to place the lampshades on the small tables that they fell from.

I cleaned for about thirty minutes. Bakura soon came in. I didn't pay him any mind. I was concentrated on cleaning. I'll just ignore him like I did for this whole year.

"What happened?" he asked. I might as well answer.

"I don't know. I heard crashes in here and thought that it was you so I didn't pay it any mind." I said. I did know who it was but I didn't want to rat out on that bitch. I felt myself being grabbed roughly and turned to face him.

"You're lying." He plainly said. Is it that obvious?

"No I'm telling you the truth. If I wasn't would I be cleaning it up?" it's a well thought out excuse. Not really I only thought of it in about five seconds. I knew that he was going to say that.

"Tell me who did it."

"I don't know, but I think the message was for you." Would he get the hint? He should it's very obvious.

His grip released from my arm. I started rubbing it because it hurt like a bitch. I think a bruise formed there. I looked at him to see him kick an unbroken lamp that was lying around, into the wall making it break. Okay now I have to clean something extra.

"Hey I have to clean that you know?" I said. Okay I didn't really mean to say it but it just automatically came out.

"Sorry," I heard him say before walking over where the broken pieces were and started picking it up. I looked at him confused. Is he out of character or what? He then started cleaning the rest of the left over mess that I didn't get to yet, which wasn't very much.

Then I remembered that I was still eating. Now I just lost my appetite. I'll have to throw away food. You know I heard one time that throwing food is bad because there is other people out there in the world that needs to eat and throwing food away is like saying you're not being thankful. But I won't eat it tomorrow or later because I only cook for one meal only. I don't like having leftovers.

I saw Bakura come back from throwing the mess away to throw his body on the couch. Did he really like her or something? I wouldn't if I was in his place. I mean, she breaks up with you and then comes over to your house with the spare key and thrashes the living room then just leaves? She's destroying other people's property; they were Dad's lamps. Now I have to go and buy new ones. I have to pay for the ten lamps that were broken, one by Bakura, and the shipping costs. Why couldn't she take it out on her own house?

Never mind. I look around the living room knowing that the extra money was there somewhere. I rummaged under the table in the box and viola! I found it! Now I need to go to a store and replace the ten lamps. I stood up and went to go but Bakura stopped me. "Where are you going?" he asked.

I turn back to face him on his position on the couch. "Oh just to replace those lamps. Dad doesn't want to see them gone. He said to replace them if they break." I said. That's the truth anyways.

"I'll go with you," he said walking out the open door. I stare for a minute then leave after locking it.

* * *

Now I didn't expect the cost to be that much. It was a good bargain because I knew how to make them lower it. It was easy. They were going to deliver it tomorrow at ten in the morning.

Currently Bakura and I are just walking down the street. I didn't attempt a conversation with him because I didn't want to. I don't want to talk because I might make something slip past my lips and I would've broken my promise to myself. But it was so boring and I didn't care.

We finally reached home and I was going to go straight to bed. I was sleepy. I then just realized, after seeing the razor untouched on my bedside table, that I never did my daily cut. I looked at the clock to see that it was only 6. It's a little early but I wanted to go to sleep into the world of dreams where I can get lost from reality. Wouldn't that make me get to sleep faster? Yeah it would but if Bakura saw me my secret won't be a secret anymore. I might as well, can't break the tradition that I created myself.

I locked the door before I started. Don't want Bakura to break the tradition now do we?

I got out the razor and pressed the blade on my skin. This time I'm doing my right arm. I'm coordinated to be left or right handed isn't that cool? I never knew anyone that could do that. I cut deep and dragged it without hesitation. If you hesitate you'll always feel the pain and you don't want to, you want to feel the rush of adrenaline. The blood soon started to flow down my skin and to the floor. It was a relief. I felt so nervous this whole time and I now I don't.

When the nervousness went away the blood stopped flowing out. I sighed I wanted to feel more. So I reopened the cut and saw the blood flow out again.

There was a knock on my door. Shoot! I put the razor in my drawer and hid my bleeding cut behind my back covering it with the sleeve. "Ryou?"

"Yes?"

"You want something to eat? I cooked something." Bakura asked from the other side of the door.

"Ah no it's okay. I'm still full from my brunch. Thanks anyway." I said.

"Alright." He said. I heard his footsteps go down the stairs. I sighed in relief. I sat back down on my bed and took out the razor. The blood stopped bleeding again. How can I make it last anyways? I can't cut deeper than this but still it should be enough to bleed long enough until I slowly fall asleep.

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