Dark Crimson Rivers

Part 4: Hidden Secrets

Yugi's POV

I've been over at Ryou's house, these past few days. I have to admit it was fun not cutting alone but I find it fun alone much better. We sometimes drown ourselves in the ecstasy of cutting and never knew that we fell asleep. He's only been over once. I'm amazed that Grandpa remembered him instead of his own grandson! I hated him for a while but it didn't last long because I blamed myself that Grandpa doesn't notice me. It was my fault not his, not his.

But he's really a good friend. I could trust him with my secrets and vice-versa.

But I hate being alone here. Maybe that's why we both crave company but yet we push company away like they're not welcome. Well from what they have done they aren't welcome at all.

I'm surprised though. Yami confronted me asking where I was because he didn't see me around the others. I told him I was at home, in my room, DROWNING IN SELF PITY! Just kidding! I never told him that, instead I just said 'around'. Of course I was around whether it was getting beaten up by bullies or over at Ryou's house. So I'm not lying. No one can blame me for lying. He never asked me what I was doing he asked where. So it pays off to pay attention to everyone's saying because they could always trick you into saying what they want to hear. I don't fall for it.

After that I avoided Yami the rest of the time. I was always out of the house walking around where he would never look and come back when he was already asleep. I had a key besides I don't have a curfew. Grandpa doesn't notice me sleeping or anything anymore.

Wouldn't I be in a foster home now? Look at the facts: I'm being neglected, I'm not being cared for, and I have to fend for myself. I'm only sixteen for god's sake! I'm not supposed to be like that yet until I'm eighteen. Everyone gets unnoticed until they're eighteen. Parents are always happy to get rid of their child when they're at that age. They won't deal with anything anymore. They'll be free from whatever they'll be free from.

So what's the point of living when your own parents in their deepest hearts don't like you? On the outside they really care for you yet when something comes along they don't want you. You will know whenever you fight with your parents verbally, if you threaten yourself then they'll say 'Go ahead'. And they said that they'd always love you no matter what. Isn't that ironic?

It doesn't matter anyways no one will know because everyone likes to feel a safe haven with their families. I don't think that it's a bad thing but it's okay. My parents left way to early before I could feel that safe haven like everyone else. But one thing, parents only want to look good in society's eyes and what you do and how you dress reflects their show of how well they take care of you. No time to be dwelling on this now because I'm sleepy.

* * *

I wake up again to a worthless life that hates me and can't wait but torture me some more. I wish reality would actually take me away but I never cut deep enough. Oh well. It's Saturday. End of the school week and this particular Saturday means end of the school year. Now I could stay home all I want and self-mutilate. No one would know. Yami would be out with his 'friends' and Grandpa would be too busy with the shop. Everything is always fit now that schools out. I won't have to suffer looking at Yami and his 'friends' and I can cut myself without getting noticed.

I glanced at the clock to see that it was 12:00 in the afternoon. That's good I slept long enough especially with all that noise down there. Yami doesn't know how to keep it silent there, especially up here near my room. I think I'm going to be sick. Anzu was actually making out with Yami. Wasn't she going out with Bakura? I swear that girl is a bitch harpy. (Kinshin: I do not particularly hate her and stuff so don't take it too seriously. Back to the fic.) Here shrieking is very loud and those annoying friendship speeches of hers? Where does she get that when I'm left in the Goddamn dust? Sometimes I plot ways to kill her. I think I should write a list so when I'm able to live on my own I could kill her.

Be an assassin! That's so cool. I get to get large amounts of money and be able to kill anyone without hesitation. Heh. That's a good one. I used to not be able to handle my stomach at the sight of death but now I don't feel afraid of it anymore.

I better get dressed maybe I could meet Ryou somewhere and we could do our daily ritual. No one would call it a ritual but it seems like one. Nah, it's the first day of summer break so I better enjoy it before I drown in depression again. I think I already have but no one has the right to take that away from me by telling me got it?

Good.

I listened to the gossip downstairs. Hmm so Yami's friends are here. Fine then I'll just ignore them; it's so easy because I say it is. Besides they won't notice me in there.

I walked down and heard them in the kitchen. I walked in and they looked at me for a brief moment then went back to what they were saying. Unfortunately for me Anzu was speaking. I feel like ripping out her voice box right now. Not that it wouldn't be a good idea, at least I didn't kill her, yet. She and Bakura weren't together anymore. I was surprised at that. Last time I checked Bakura hated anything to do with friendship. I think that Ryou changed him but now Ryou is probably left behind and is now alone. See what friendship can do? That's why it's better to be left alone.

I got out of the kitchen and went back to my room. Just seeing them down there I wanted to kill them all. But instead I result into punishing myself. It relieves my nervousness. I got out my razor and made a cut on my arm. I'm not coordinated like Ryou where he could use two hands but I can manage. In my right arm the cuts are sloppy and crooked while the left arm my cuts are perfect straight lines. They aren't really straight lines but they work.

I felt the regular rush of adrenaline. I think I might fall to sleep again. After the blood stops flowing out of my body then I will stop and go around town looking for something to do.

As soon as I saw that my blood stopped flowing I couldn't resist and reopened the cut. Then I heard the door open and three people fell to the floor. They were Jou, Honda, and Serenity. I quickly covered my arm with my long sleeves and hid the razor in the sleeve and putting my arm behind my back. They all looked at me. I just stared back in fake confusion. They just hastily got up and left shutting the door. They got the wrong room or Yami told them the wrong room. I choose the latter. Yami even doesn't notice me around anymore. At least he's respecting the fact that I want to be alone.

I look at the cut and waited for it to stop bleeding. I'll just fall asleep again. No, I'll go out of town for a while and come back late taking the midnight train. That is how I'll spend my day. I got out the money I saved with my job that I got. No one knows, except Ryou because I told him, and I never told anyone. My grandpa wouldn't care.

I put my razor away and cleaned up. If he found anything I would've made my secret known and I have nothing to keep inside anymore. Then I'll have to find something that I can keep to myself. Oh I know! If he actually does find out then I could just cut somewhere else instead of my arm. I've already started on other places and I know that I'll never run out of spaces. See then he wouldn't have to know. He'll notice that I'm getting worse and that'll be it. He'll think that it's the anti-depressants making me like that and I'll be off those things and out of the psychologist in about 6 months I think.

HAH! I wish.

I think I really need one. My mind is in turmoil, suffering thoughts that are unwanted. I think if I entered my soul room it'll look pitch black with blood specks all over the walls. Is that what's Yami feeling right now? Is he feeling sadness, pain, and death? I don't know how you can feel death but I do. If you're on the brink of dying then you'll feel death for a while until someone saves you because they are selfish BASTARDS that they probably can't live without you and don't want to feel ALONE!

Eh…sorry about that I guess I lost a little bit of control. But I don't think I did because I don't remember what I said. I'm sure that I'll be fine back to my depressed self tomorrow. Not like I'm not already depressed but…it's nothing.

I guess I should leave now. Yami might want to bug me with twenty questions again today.

I quickly headed out the door after successfully covering my cuts. I'm a master at that. When you've been doing it for a while then it'll be easy as pie. But Yami might suspect something if he always sees me wearing long sleeves. I overheard one of his and Bakura's little talks. They were mostly about Ryou and I. It's kinda funny at what they were saying about us about how we've somehow drifted apart from them and how we've also become distant from the others also.

Well the others can go KISS MY ASS!

They're nothing but a bunch of selfish pigs that would do anything what they want when they want, especially the friendship bitch. It's her fault that I'm suffering like this. She said that friends should always stay together. I gagged at that. I didn't like those speeches.

Maybe I should start plotting her murder. Ryou, I'm sure, would like to join me.

* * *

After walking around this forsaken town for like about five hours I walked over to Ryou's house to see if he's available to plot the friendship bitch's death. Yeah that would be good!

"Ryou you there?" I asked knocking on the door.

"Hold on!" I heard coming from inside.

Ryou opened the door. I entered.

Kinshin: You people are the best! Thanks for the visits and reviews! ^_^

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