Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Dear Diary ❯ It hurts to look in her eyes ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Ok this is my first story on FF.net.

Be kind.I worked hard on this and I like it.

Not my best work though.

Even if you don't like it, review, flame me! I like flames...constructive criticism is always good. Thatnks and enjoy.



I'm scared and miserable and Oh Lord oh so screwed.

God.

Last night, I blew away every promise, every swear, everything, everything and nothing and everything again.

Dear Ra.

But she wasn't supposed to be like that, not so...

I read Dr. Roberts notes over and over again, the man was sick. He deserved to burn in hell, I only wish that I could have been the one to send him there, after years of torturing and mind games and blood and death and insanity, though a man such as he probably would enjoy it.

But God I hate him!

I hate him and hate him and hate him and I curse his mother and his bastard children, and he was right, bastard he was, he was right. All those names that mean nothing to me, all those descriptions. I see them in her, but doesn't she have the right to be angry and volatile and terrified and terrifying...

Impulse control disorder, inability to control one's actions.

Somatoform disorder, loss of senses by mental symptoms.

And so many more.

So when she was angry and yelling and not there and there and really everywhere, and I was lost and scared and confused and worried and I... kissed her.

And she stopped.

Everything.

No screaming, no yelling, no breathing, no moving just so still and quiet.

I can't say I didn't want it, I did, it was always there, that need.

But now I'm in so deep, so deep and drowning and suffocating and loving and hating and begging for every minute of it.

This morning I awoke and she wasn't there, I was filled with a sense of loss and fear and need, and I was about to come looking for her when she pushed open the door, she had made breakfast for me.

Pancakes and strawberries and orange juice, sweet sweet Ra she was just so beautiful right at that moment.

Sometimes I fall back into my memories, and the past and the present, and the future all melt and blend into a fantasy.

Pretty precious one, all sugar and ice and sadness and tears.

All mine mine mine MINE.

She does have neurosis, you can see it in her when she walks and talks, my poor poor lover.

She made me that breakfast and didn't plan on staying with me, how cruel.

She seemed afraid to be alone with me, even after last night, even after I kissed her and held her and loved her and listened to her heart beat and... well felt every piece of my soul descend into rapture and ecstasy and euphoria.

So I asked her to stay with me.

She looked miserable, but she stayed.

She fed me, and I fed her, and she smiled this gorgeous smile, but she was still so nervous.

I sucked on her fingers.

Sometimes it comes over me, that need, all the things I want, all the things she has.

She's beautiful, lovely, radiant.

I love her.

I had to tell her, and she fainted. Just like her the sweet angel, fragile and small, and precious and so scared and so scarred.

I held her and kissed her, and longed for her even though she was right there, how do you long for someone who's sleeping next to you. But I did, I longed and lusted and craved and ached and desired.

I suppose you can still see the possessive pharaoh in me, I want to take her again. I'm always hungry now, for her, and she probably doesn't even like me let alone feel that insatiability like I do.

I long for my days as pharaoh as well.

I always knew what was mine, and had no problems claiming it; it’s all I can do to keep from growling, "MINE!", and loving her and keeping her and forbidding all to even look upon her. Making her a princess, queen, goddess, whatever it would take for that face to smile upon me and for her to be truly happy.

But I missed that chance, missed it and beat it to the ground each time it arose.

No wonder she fears me, how do you trust a man who has betrayed you, who has cruelly abandoned you and watched you suffer without batting an eyelash.

Ra must hate me, I didn't want or need you when you were there, anyone could have you I did not care.

But now I wish to be in your company always, to have and hold from this day forward in sickness and in health. Till death do us part.

But now, oh now, you have evolved or perhaps degenerated into a creature that lives in her own world, with no need for a lover's touch, a mother's kind words, or a brother's protection. No need for me. You do not like touch, and fear company.

You are not a possession for me to claim and keep, though how I wish it were that simple.

You are nervous when I am around and displeased when I invade your world, your land, your kingdom. Queen of pain and suffering, tears and despair, sadness and truth.

You are sick with things I never heard of till I met you. And worst of all, most damning of all, I love you. I am miserable without you and that incompleteness in me is soothed when you are near. You taste wonderful, sugary sweet and spicy and good and bad and... hmmm.

I hope I can do right by you and give you what you deserve.

For if I don't Ra, I fear for what I would do to myself.

Excuse me I have to be near you now, I feel lost.