Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Desideratum ❯ Wish ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: KatsuyaKaiba 
Wish
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 04.18.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.8K | Visits: 431 | Status: Work In Progress
Wish
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 04.18.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.8K | Visits: 431 | Status: Work In Progress
Desideratum
A Seto Centric Thing by Katsuya Kaiba
AN: Don't ask me what this is. I meant to update Eidolon, and I got this. But I am going to take this opportunity to answer a question that I have been asked countless times. I'm not irritated or anything, I just meant to answer this sooner and forgot. In all of the Seto and Joey fanfiction I have ever written, never once have I mentioned any of the other characters from Yu-Gi-Oh, and I get a lot of reviews from people who are curious to know why. Here is what I have to say on this matter. Bear in mind that I do like the other characters...well...some of them. So this isn't meant in offense to people who like pairings other than Puppyshipping. I don't. Anyway, this is the Shining Excuse that I have to give you for my indifference to the other characters:
If there were no other characters, Yu-Gi-Oh would be a 224 episode-long series about Seto and Joey.
And who doesn't want that...?
*********************
"What is it all for?"
I stared at him, no doubt with a very strange expression frozen on my face. For the first time in my life, I did not understand. What was it that he was asking me? What was that supposed to mean?
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I voiced my thoughts semi-unintentionally. He had thrown me a swift curve this time. This feeling that was rising from the depths, it...was unsettling. I find that most emotions are.
He looked at me, not with apprehension or anger, but with a small and silent questioning that I couldn't place. Concern, maybe. How utterly foolish.
"Why do you do it, Kaiba? What are you passionate about, really? What wakes you up in the morning?"
I glared at him so harshly that my line of vision nearly passed straight through him.
"Why do you ask me these things? You have no true concern for me or my well being, so why should I answer your ridiculous questions? Get out of my way."
I stepped forward and felt his reaction before it occured. He stepped to the side and blocked my path. The rage in me rose dangerously, and I raised my arm in an attempt to scare him. Perhaps now he might see the futility in his solicitation and just let it lie. If he was smart, he would. But I knew better. He merely stood before me, never blinking once in the face of violence and standing firm.
I wouldn't hit him now, it would be wrong to strike a blow to someone who didn't pose a threat. Highly undiginifed and brimming with a lack of self control, an image that I did not want to give to Joey, or anyone else who might be watching. The students had begun to gather around us, anticipating a show, but the crashing silence that surrounded the two of us proved to be harshly uninviting, and one by one they trailed off, searching for others elsewhere. We were now alone in the hallways of the school, facing the imminent afternoon together in this quiet battle of hesitation.
"I won't move, just so you know. And I know you won't hit me. That," he grinned knowingly,"would be undignified, wouldn't it?"
I made an awful grimace at him, but neither one of us moved. The entire situation reeked of emotion and feeling, and I for one did not want to participate in this strange game that Joey seemed to want to play with me. What had once been a relationship entirely devoted to insults had recently progressed, entirely on Joey's part, to an unpredictable series of investigations into my psyche. Which I had previously thought I did not possess, until this game of ours undertook it's metamorphosis. One night in particular perhaps a week earlier, I found myself at my home, completely alone and unoccupied by anything, and for some strange reason my treacherous mind would repeatedly find it's way back to the question Joey had asked me that day, the first question in a series of unwanted tresspasses into my soul. 'Where will all of your working take you?' In return I said the very first thing I could think of, startled by this sudden lack of aggression on his part.
Where would all of my working take me?
At first it seemed so illogical. 'What a stupid question', I had replied to him with a sneer. 'Look at how far I have come, at such a young age. Where are you, Joey? What have you done? You have brought nothing but sheer idiocy to this world, and you will never accomplish half of what I have finished at this age, even if you work away your entire life.' He simply stood there and smiled at me and my answer, as if he'd won. As if that was what he had thought I would say.
As if I was wrong.
I left him standing there, without another word. But later that evening, I found myself unable to think of anything else but the question. The question, and my answer. Was that the right answer after all? Did Joey know something that I did not? 'Impossible', I said to myself. 'That fool knows nothing, and he will amount to nothing, just as I stated earlier.' So if I knew that, and he knew that, then why was he smiling? And why was I still thinking about it?
I shook my head clear of these thoughts and focused on the situation happening before me. Joey stood there, patient and well tempered, and fearlessly waited for me to react.
"No, I will not become physically violent with someone who is unable to properly defend themselves." There. Hopefully he would take the bait and sling an anwering insult back at me, thus reinstating the comfortable ways of old, the way things used to be for the two of us.
"So answer me, Kaiba. Why do you do it? What is it all for?" He looked up at me from so close, we were so close, he and I, and the small space between us was filled with tension. Or perhaps that was just me. Joey seemed to be perfectly calm and relaxed, exactly the opposite of what someone should realistically be in the face of Seto Kaiba.
"What? What is all what for? If I answer your idiotic question, will you get out of my way? I have to go to work. Not all of us can afford to just stand around here all day, achieving nothing!" I began to grow exasperated at his behavior. Who did he think he was, standing in my way? He of all people should know better.
And there it was again, that sneaking suspicion I got when I studied him too closely, he and that misplaced grin on his face. This sincere and confident expression that screamed 'I understand you, I sympathize with you'. It drove me mad with rage, how could he possibly assume such an idea? No one knows a thing about me, and that is the way I prefer to continue.
"Just answer the question, Kaiba." Joey's tone was relaxed and full of an unhealthy amount of patience. He stood without movement, and watched my face closely.
"Well, I don't understand the question, so you'll have to be more specific." I honestly wanted to get out of there and back into the safety and silence of my solitary confinement, and if humoring this boy was all it took, I supposed I could be that generous. I didn't care, either way. None of this mattered. Small and insignificant moments like these rarely do.
"I want to know why you work so hard all the time. Do you ever want to do anything else with your life? Or are you planning on just spending all of your time on Kaiba Corp., until the day you die?" His face betrayed no underlying intent, no secret workings that I had suspected might be underway. He wasn't out to bring me down. He did not want to expose any hidden weaknesses, not that there were any to expose. Just what was it that Joey wanted? What did he hope to gain from all of this?
"I...suppose so." I had never really thought about it like that before. Was it the truth? "I don't see anything wrong with that." What could be wrong about it? I had everything. I had a true and real power, the power to control and limitless opportunity to obtain anything I wished to have or be. What else was there? I had always been so driven to succeed, and now that I had succeeded in all that I set out to do, there was nothing left to worry about. I had everything. Everything.
"I have everything." I stated simply, and looked down to see if he would be satisfied with that answer. It was the truth.
"Everything?" Joey was wide eyed and wore a curious expression, a sort of interested disbelief.
"Everything." What was so complicated about that? He looked at me as though I didn't understand. Stupid boy, it was he who did not understand.
"What do you mean by 'everything'?" He watched me closely, waiting for me to become angry once more. I didn't. It was strange, even to me, because normally this sort of illogical conversation would have driven me into a blind rage by this point. But I felt nothing at all, except a sinking sensation deep in the pit of my stomach. A feeling that rarely made itself known and only surfaced in the face of undeniable defeat. Why did I feel as though I were wrong? What was I missing?
"I mean everything that there is. Power, money, control, security... Everything that matters in life. I will never have to suffer or worry about anything, because I...have everything. These are the things that matter most. All other concepts and ideals are disposable. If you don't have these simple things, you cannot survive. I am guaranteed to survive as long as I am able, because of what I have taken for myself. Because I have everything." That sounded about right. It certainly made sense to me. Poor Joey looked like a lost puppy, with that pathetic look on his face. He had no clue what I was saying. I suppose I expected too much of him.
"Look, I gave you the answer you were looking for, so if you'll excuse me..." I decided that this little encounter had come to an end. I stepped aside and around Joey, who never once moved to stop me, and instead stood frozen in place, as if the stern and militant ideas I had given him were spinning out of control throughout his emotionally clouded mind. Whatever. I didn't care in the least.
**********************
As my head fell against the pillows that littered the mattress below me, I felt the weariness of the day suddenly consume me at once. I was always so exhausted by the time I made it to bed that I rarely if ever remembered anything past the point when my head hits the pillows. I tend to pass out rather than fall asleep. Thinking of this brought back the memory of before...earlier that day. Joey Wheeler, and the strange question that he insisted on having me answer. I vaguely wondered what he was doing with the information he seemed to so desperately need. I smiled dryly as I realized that he had most likely forgotten everything that was said by now. He was so carefree and unbridaled, and I seriously doubted that any of my harsh realities would have stuck with him for too long.
What had he been after, I wondered. Why this sudden interest in the inner workings of my mind? None of it made any sense. It didn't fit... Something was happening, and I disliked the feeling already. I was not in control of this situation, Joey was, and the idea made me nervous at first, and then moments later slightly worried in addition. Anything that fell under his control was likely to end in tragedy. I supposed that if it really was just a harmless interest, then perhaps I could exploit it to my use. Information of that sort is always useful in the end. But what were Joey's motivations?
'What is it all for?'
God, his pathetic voice was echoing in my mind, relentlessly replaying the moment that he had asked me that question, hours ago. What was it about that idea that bothered me so much? I answered him with the Truth. It was the Truth, I spoke my mind at that moment and told him exactly how I felt. That was how I felt. I had always believed that the world was this way. I knew that I had everything I would ever need to be satisfied with life. I was satisfied with life. I was.
I caught myself repeating it, over and over again, my subconscious mind attempting to cast a spell over me. I was satisfied with life. I was. Nothing could change that. This was something I had, something I had taken for myself long ago, when no one else would give it to me. I had taken it. And no one could ever hope to take it back now. I had worked so hard to achieve all of this. I was satisfied. There was nothing that I could not have. Absolutely nothing.
With that final resolution, I fell fast asleep, and did not wake until the ringing of the alarm pulled me back to life.
*********************
I found myself, much to my dissatisfaction, face to face with none other than Joey Wheeler. Fifteen minutes before the very first bell was due to ring, he and I were locked in place, standing still in the center of the hallway, a mere foot or so seperating the two of us. It was far too early for this.
"What is it, Wheeler? I really don't have the patience to play your stupid games so early in the morning." I wasn't feeling even remotely generous at that moment. He didn't seem to mind. Day or night, the sun was always shining on Joey Wheeler, and his expression melted a bit of the ice that had frozen over my mind in the haze of the morning. It is slightly more difficult to be rude to people who aren't going to be bothered by your rudeness. I find it to be a waste of perfectly good rude remarks, which can be preserved for those who will take more offense to them. Waste not, want not.
"I only want to ask you something, really quick. Can I please? I promise I won't ask you anything else for the rest of today." He smiled in a sickening display of both hope and longing and the sight made me both nervous and nauseous at once.
"Whatever. Make it quick." It was a fair trade.
"Okay. So, now I understand what it's for. You work so hard so you can have everything. But now I don't understand something else..." He looked up into my face and I glared right back down.
"How surprising. What is it that you can't wrap your mind around? It's really all very simple." I was already irritated, and I hoped that this wouldn't last much longer. Why was I indulging him again? When had I decided that Joey was allowed to be this friendly with me?
"You have everything, right?"
I nodded smugly. I certainly did.
"Well, now that you have it, what will you do now?" He gave me a look that betrayed nothing but intense curiosity and a deep rooted interest in what I might have to say."What will you do with it, now that you finally have it? You've worked so hard, and now you can finally have what you wanted all this time. Now, what will this power grant you in return?"
The haughty look that had formerly graced my features was stilled in that moment, and I could feel it slowly sliding off and fading fast. My mind was working at lightning speed, and I felt that awful sinking sensation once again. What was it about this boy that drove me to question the very foundations I had built my entire life upon? I felt threatened, and I reacted without thinking, something I hardly ever do and always regret afterwards.
"I...I don't think you quite understand. There is nothing that I cannot have. That is what it's all for. The ability, the knowledge that I could satisfy my every desire with a mere command. Anything at all, whenever I wish."
Joey blinked at me, surprised at something. "Anything you wish?"
"Of course."
"Okay...then I guess my real question is, what do you wish for?"
What?
"What do I...wish for?"
He nodded solemnly. "Anything at all, whenever you wish. What will it be?"
"I..." I was at a loss, an end, trapped inside my own desires. What were they? What was left inside of me? There must have been something to drive me this far...where was it? Where was it now? And more importantly, why didn't I have it? Was there anything at all? Suddenly the entire world fell from beneath my feet, and I was lost and alone. I began to understand, slowly, why Joey had been curious to know these things. It must have been plain for him to see. I was caught up in my own world, unable to watch from the outside, as he was able to do. What was his reason for doing this? He had disrupted everything that I had. I became furious in that instant, but after a moment had passed it faded just as easily as it had arrived. He wasn't the one at fault. I could not answer his question, and I had promised him that I would. Oh, god, now he could follow me all day, asking me questions as he pleased. The deal was off.
I took a good long look at Joey, who was waiting for my answer. His face betrayed a hint of worry hidden beneath his features, but I brushed the thought aside. The last thing I needed was pity, especially Joey's pity. He himself was the most pitiful creature on earth.
"Seto...?" I heard my name falling from his lips and I glared at him sharply.
"Who gave you permission to call me by my name? You had better learn your place." I pulled myself up to my full height and collected my thoughts in one fell swoop. Pull it all together quickly, and bury it. Deep. Never to be seen again. No one will ever win. No one but me.
"I...I'm sorry...but you...you're..." He stuttered and tripped over his words until he gave up entirely and simply pointed at what he saw. His finger was lifted and directed at my face, and I put my hand to where he motioned, wondering what the hell he meant by that.
Wet. My face was wet, and I pulled my hand back from the skin slowly and looked at my fingers, rubbing them against one another. They were wet. My fingers were wet from where I had touched my face. My face...
I had, at some point, started to cry.
In a small and insignificant place that regrettably lived inside of me, I knew that I had been crying. However, that place was one that I had put from my mind long ago, and now I had no way of knowing what it could mean, what it felt like. What it meant to cry. Joey lost all of the expression in his features and set his face firmly, in an attempt to not make me feel even worse about what had happened. I saw right through his plan, and I did nothing. He meant no harm. He lifted his hand, so slowly at first, and then when he saw that I still had not moved away, he brought it up above his head and hesitantly touched the trail of tears with the finest and softest tips of his fingers, almost in awe. In shock, and what seemed to be guilt. He felt responsible. I stepped back and shook my head. No. This wasn't what was happening. I was satisfied. I was.
I walked away. I wasn't sure where I was going exactly. Anywhere but here. Away from him, and away from this feeling. He didn't call my name, and he did not try to follow me. I left the hallway, and as fast as I could I walked off the school grounds. I walked for a very long time. I suppose that could have walked forever.
*********************
AN: Aw, hell. I think that I will continue this. How awful. It could stand as a one-shot, I suppose, but I feel as though there is more happening here. Hmmm. What do you think? Should there be another chapter? I can't decide. Oh, and since I decided to recommend songs that should be listened to while reading fiction, I have to say that the only song that should be heard while reading this is "You Could Walk Forever" by The Devics. It works so well. Argh. Seto is so sad and hollow inside...
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A Seto Centric Thing by Katsuya Kaiba
AN: Don't ask me what this is. I meant to update Eidolon, and I got this. But I am going to take this opportunity to answer a question that I have been asked countless times. I'm not irritated or anything, I just meant to answer this sooner and forgot. In all of the Seto and Joey fanfiction I have ever written, never once have I mentioned any of the other characters from Yu-Gi-Oh, and I get a lot of reviews from people who are curious to know why. Here is what I have to say on this matter. Bear in mind that I do like the other characters...well...some of them. So this isn't meant in offense to people who like pairings other than Puppyshipping. I don't. Anyway, this is the Shining Excuse that I have to give you for my indifference to the other characters:
If there were no other characters, Yu-Gi-Oh would be a 224 episode-long series about Seto and Joey.
And who doesn't want that...?
*********************
"What is it all for?"
I stared at him, no doubt with a very strange expression frozen on my face. For the first time in my life, I did not understand. What was it that he was asking me? What was that supposed to mean?
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I voiced my thoughts semi-unintentionally. He had thrown me a swift curve this time. This feeling that was rising from the depths, it...was unsettling. I find that most emotions are.
He looked at me, not with apprehension or anger, but with a small and silent questioning that I couldn't place. Concern, maybe. How utterly foolish.
"Why do you do it, Kaiba? What are you passionate about, really? What wakes you up in the morning?"
I glared at him so harshly that my line of vision nearly passed straight through him.
"Why do you ask me these things? You have no true concern for me or my well being, so why should I answer your ridiculous questions? Get out of my way."
I stepped forward and felt his reaction before it occured. He stepped to the side and blocked my path. The rage in me rose dangerously, and I raised my arm in an attempt to scare him. Perhaps now he might see the futility in his solicitation and just let it lie. If he was smart, he would. But I knew better. He merely stood before me, never blinking once in the face of violence and standing firm.
I wouldn't hit him now, it would be wrong to strike a blow to someone who didn't pose a threat. Highly undiginifed and brimming with a lack of self control, an image that I did not want to give to Joey, or anyone else who might be watching. The students had begun to gather around us, anticipating a show, but the crashing silence that surrounded the two of us proved to be harshly uninviting, and one by one they trailed off, searching for others elsewhere. We were now alone in the hallways of the school, facing the imminent afternoon together in this quiet battle of hesitation.
"I won't move, just so you know. And I know you won't hit me. That," he grinned knowingly,"would be undignified, wouldn't it?"
I made an awful grimace at him, but neither one of us moved. The entire situation reeked of emotion and feeling, and I for one did not want to participate in this strange game that Joey seemed to want to play with me. What had once been a relationship entirely devoted to insults had recently progressed, entirely on Joey's part, to an unpredictable series of investigations into my psyche. Which I had previously thought I did not possess, until this game of ours undertook it's metamorphosis. One night in particular perhaps a week earlier, I found myself at my home, completely alone and unoccupied by anything, and for some strange reason my treacherous mind would repeatedly find it's way back to the question Joey had asked me that day, the first question in a series of unwanted tresspasses into my soul. 'Where will all of your working take you?' In return I said the very first thing I could think of, startled by this sudden lack of aggression on his part.
Where would all of my working take me?
At first it seemed so illogical. 'What a stupid question', I had replied to him with a sneer. 'Look at how far I have come, at such a young age. Where are you, Joey? What have you done? You have brought nothing but sheer idiocy to this world, and you will never accomplish half of what I have finished at this age, even if you work away your entire life.' He simply stood there and smiled at me and my answer, as if he'd won. As if that was what he had thought I would say.
As if I was wrong.
I left him standing there, without another word. But later that evening, I found myself unable to think of anything else but the question. The question, and my answer. Was that the right answer after all? Did Joey know something that I did not? 'Impossible', I said to myself. 'That fool knows nothing, and he will amount to nothing, just as I stated earlier.' So if I knew that, and he knew that, then why was he smiling? And why was I still thinking about it?
I shook my head clear of these thoughts and focused on the situation happening before me. Joey stood there, patient and well tempered, and fearlessly waited for me to react.
"No, I will not become physically violent with someone who is unable to properly defend themselves." There. Hopefully he would take the bait and sling an anwering insult back at me, thus reinstating the comfortable ways of old, the way things used to be for the two of us.
"So answer me, Kaiba. Why do you do it? What is it all for?" He looked up at me from so close, we were so close, he and I, and the small space between us was filled with tension. Or perhaps that was just me. Joey seemed to be perfectly calm and relaxed, exactly the opposite of what someone should realistically be in the face of Seto Kaiba.
"What? What is all what for? If I answer your idiotic question, will you get out of my way? I have to go to work. Not all of us can afford to just stand around here all day, achieving nothing!" I began to grow exasperated at his behavior. Who did he think he was, standing in my way? He of all people should know better.
And there it was again, that sneaking suspicion I got when I studied him too closely, he and that misplaced grin on his face. This sincere and confident expression that screamed 'I understand you, I sympathize with you'. It drove me mad with rage, how could he possibly assume such an idea? No one knows a thing about me, and that is the way I prefer to continue.
"Just answer the question, Kaiba." Joey's tone was relaxed and full of an unhealthy amount of patience. He stood without movement, and watched my face closely.
"Well, I don't understand the question, so you'll have to be more specific." I honestly wanted to get out of there and back into the safety and silence of my solitary confinement, and if humoring this boy was all it took, I supposed I could be that generous. I didn't care, either way. None of this mattered. Small and insignificant moments like these rarely do.
"I want to know why you work so hard all the time. Do you ever want to do anything else with your life? Or are you planning on just spending all of your time on Kaiba Corp., until the day you die?" His face betrayed no underlying intent, no secret workings that I had suspected might be underway. He wasn't out to bring me down. He did not want to expose any hidden weaknesses, not that there were any to expose. Just what was it that Joey wanted? What did he hope to gain from all of this?
"I...suppose so." I had never really thought about it like that before. Was it the truth? "I don't see anything wrong with that." What could be wrong about it? I had everything. I had a true and real power, the power to control and limitless opportunity to obtain anything I wished to have or be. What else was there? I had always been so driven to succeed, and now that I had succeeded in all that I set out to do, there was nothing left to worry about. I had everything. Everything.
"I have everything." I stated simply, and looked down to see if he would be satisfied with that answer. It was the truth.
"Everything?" Joey was wide eyed and wore a curious expression, a sort of interested disbelief.
"Everything." What was so complicated about that? He looked at me as though I didn't understand. Stupid boy, it was he who did not understand.
"What do you mean by 'everything'?" He watched me closely, waiting for me to become angry once more. I didn't. It was strange, even to me, because normally this sort of illogical conversation would have driven me into a blind rage by this point. But I felt nothing at all, except a sinking sensation deep in the pit of my stomach. A feeling that rarely made itself known and only surfaced in the face of undeniable defeat. Why did I feel as though I were wrong? What was I missing?
"I mean everything that there is. Power, money, control, security... Everything that matters in life. I will never have to suffer or worry about anything, because I...have everything. These are the things that matter most. All other concepts and ideals are disposable. If you don't have these simple things, you cannot survive. I am guaranteed to survive as long as I am able, because of what I have taken for myself. Because I have everything." That sounded about right. It certainly made sense to me. Poor Joey looked like a lost puppy, with that pathetic look on his face. He had no clue what I was saying. I suppose I expected too much of him.
"Look, I gave you the answer you were looking for, so if you'll excuse me..." I decided that this little encounter had come to an end. I stepped aside and around Joey, who never once moved to stop me, and instead stood frozen in place, as if the stern and militant ideas I had given him were spinning out of control throughout his emotionally clouded mind. Whatever. I didn't care in the least.
**********************
As my head fell against the pillows that littered the mattress below me, I felt the weariness of the day suddenly consume me at once. I was always so exhausted by the time I made it to bed that I rarely if ever remembered anything past the point when my head hits the pillows. I tend to pass out rather than fall asleep. Thinking of this brought back the memory of before...earlier that day. Joey Wheeler, and the strange question that he insisted on having me answer. I vaguely wondered what he was doing with the information he seemed to so desperately need. I smiled dryly as I realized that he had most likely forgotten everything that was said by now. He was so carefree and unbridaled, and I seriously doubted that any of my harsh realities would have stuck with him for too long.
What had he been after, I wondered. Why this sudden interest in the inner workings of my mind? None of it made any sense. It didn't fit... Something was happening, and I disliked the feeling already. I was not in control of this situation, Joey was, and the idea made me nervous at first, and then moments later slightly worried in addition. Anything that fell under his control was likely to end in tragedy. I supposed that if it really was just a harmless interest, then perhaps I could exploit it to my use. Information of that sort is always useful in the end. But what were Joey's motivations?
'What is it all for?'
God, his pathetic voice was echoing in my mind, relentlessly replaying the moment that he had asked me that question, hours ago. What was it about that idea that bothered me so much? I answered him with the Truth. It was the Truth, I spoke my mind at that moment and told him exactly how I felt. That was how I felt. I had always believed that the world was this way. I knew that I had everything I would ever need to be satisfied with life. I was satisfied with life. I was.
I caught myself repeating it, over and over again, my subconscious mind attempting to cast a spell over me. I was satisfied with life. I was. Nothing could change that. This was something I had, something I had taken for myself long ago, when no one else would give it to me. I had taken it. And no one could ever hope to take it back now. I had worked so hard to achieve all of this. I was satisfied. There was nothing that I could not have. Absolutely nothing.
With that final resolution, I fell fast asleep, and did not wake until the ringing of the alarm pulled me back to life.
*********************
I found myself, much to my dissatisfaction, face to face with none other than Joey Wheeler. Fifteen minutes before the very first bell was due to ring, he and I were locked in place, standing still in the center of the hallway, a mere foot or so seperating the two of us. It was far too early for this.
"What is it, Wheeler? I really don't have the patience to play your stupid games so early in the morning." I wasn't feeling even remotely generous at that moment. He didn't seem to mind. Day or night, the sun was always shining on Joey Wheeler, and his expression melted a bit of the ice that had frozen over my mind in the haze of the morning. It is slightly more difficult to be rude to people who aren't going to be bothered by your rudeness. I find it to be a waste of perfectly good rude remarks, which can be preserved for those who will take more offense to them. Waste not, want not.
"I only want to ask you something, really quick. Can I please? I promise I won't ask you anything else for the rest of today." He smiled in a sickening display of both hope and longing and the sight made me both nervous and nauseous at once.
"Whatever. Make it quick." It was a fair trade.
"Okay. So, now I understand what it's for. You work so hard so you can have everything. But now I don't understand something else..." He looked up into my face and I glared right back down.
"How surprising. What is it that you can't wrap your mind around? It's really all very simple." I was already irritated, and I hoped that this wouldn't last much longer. Why was I indulging him again? When had I decided that Joey was allowed to be this friendly with me?
"You have everything, right?"
I nodded smugly. I certainly did.
"Well, now that you have it, what will you do now?" He gave me a look that betrayed nothing but intense curiosity and a deep rooted interest in what I might have to say."What will you do with it, now that you finally have it? You've worked so hard, and now you can finally have what you wanted all this time. Now, what will this power grant you in return?"
The haughty look that had formerly graced my features was stilled in that moment, and I could feel it slowly sliding off and fading fast. My mind was working at lightning speed, and I felt that awful sinking sensation once again. What was it about this boy that drove me to question the very foundations I had built my entire life upon? I felt threatened, and I reacted without thinking, something I hardly ever do and always regret afterwards.
"I...I don't think you quite understand. There is nothing that I cannot have. That is what it's all for. The ability, the knowledge that I could satisfy my every desire with a mere command. Anything at all, whenever I wish."
Joey blinked at me, surprised at something. "Anything you wish?"
"Of course."
"Okay...then I guess my real question is, what do you wish for?"
What?
"What do I...wish for?"
He nodded solemnly. "Anything at all, whenever you wish. What will it be?"
"I..." I was at a loss, an end, trapped inside my own desires. What were they? What was left inside of me? There must have been something to drive me this far...where was it? Where was it now? And more importantly, why didn't I have it? Was there anything at all? Suddenly the entire world fell from beneath my feet, and I was lost and alone. I began to understand, slowly, why Joey had been curious to know these things. It must have been plain for him to see. I was caught up in my own world, unable to watch from the outside, as he was able to do. What was his reason for doing this? He had disrupted everything that I had. I became furious in that instant, but after a moment had passed it faded just as easily as it had arrived. He wasn't the one at fault. I could not answer his question, and I had promised him that I would. Oh, god, now he could follow me all day, asking me questions as he pleased. The deal was off.
I took a good long look at Joey, who was waiting for my answer. His face betrayed a hint of worry hidden beneath his features, but I brushed the thought aside. The last thing I needed was pity, especially Joey's pity. He himself was the most pitiful creature on earth.
"Seto...?" I heard my name falling from his lips and I glared at him sharply.
"Who gave you permission to call me by my name? You had better learn your place." I pulled myself up to my full height and collected my thoughts in one fell swoop. Pull it all together quickly, and bury it. Deep. Never to be seen again. No one will ever win. No one but me.
"I...I'm sorry...but you...you're..." He stuttered and tripped over his words until he gave up entirely and simply pointed at what he saw. His finger was lifted and directed at my face, and I put my hand to where he motioned, wondering what the hell he meant by that.
Wet. My face was wet, and I pulled my hand back from the skin slowly and looked at my fingers, rubbing them against one another. They were wet. My fingers were wet from where I had touched my face. My face...
I had, at some point, started to cry.
In a small and insignificant place that regrettably lived inside of me, I knew that I had been crying. However, that place was one that I had put from my mind long ago, and now I had no way of knowing what it could mean, what it felt like. What it meant to cry. Joey lost all of the expression in his features and set his face firmly, in an attempt to not make me feel even worse about what had happened. I saw right through his plan, and I did nothing. He meant no harm. He lifted his hand, so slowly at first, and then when he saw that I still had not moved away, he brought it up above his head and hesitantly touched the trail of tears with the finest and softest tips of his fingers, almost in awe. In shock, and what seemed to be guilt. He felt responsible. I stepped back and shook my head. No. This wasn't what was happening. I was satisfied. I was.
I walked away. I wasn't sure where I was going exactly. Anywhere but here. Away from him, and away from this feeling. He didn't call my name, and he did not try to follow me. I left the hallway, and as fast as I could I walked off the school grounds. I walked for a very long time. I suppose that could have walked forever.
*********************
AN: Aw, hell. I think that I will continue this. How awful. It could stand as a one-shot, I suppose, but I feel as though there is more happening here. Hmmm. What do you think? Should there be another chapter? I can't decide. Oh, and since I decided to recommend songs that should be listened to while reading fiction, I have to say that the only song that should be heard while reading this is "You Could Walk Forever" by The Devics. It works so well. Argh. Seto is so sad and hollow inside...
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