Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Desideratum ❯ Like ( Chapter 4 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: KatsuyaKaiba 
Like
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 04.18.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 309 | Status: Work In Progress
Like
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 04.18.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 309 | Status: Work In Progress
Desiradatum
A Seto Centric Thingy by Katsuya Kaiba
AN: I wonder if these authors notes are too long. I wonder a great many things, all in vain. But I wonder the most about this story, and why it seens to fly from my fingers at such an exhausting pace. I have found something precious in this story, something I have been looking for. How strange. I am beginning to write like Seto, even in these authors notes, and it's weirding me out. All my sentences have have shortened dramatically, and I'm so blunt. So 'To The Point'!!! I will write now, and spare you all the gory details. Hey, there's no blood in this fic, which might be a first for me. I can't remember. Does that seem strange? Do I make sense? Oh, god...
*********************
Something had escaped my grasp in the turbulence of the day. As I lay awake on my bed that night, exausted to the point of madness yet still wakeful, I thought of a thing that I should have thought of long ago.
Wasn't Joey a boy?
Of course he was. What a wasteful thought. But that thought led to others, much more involving and informative thoughts.
I was a boy, as well. This was a fun twist. Joey was a homo. Why hadn't I discovered this earlier? It had only been directly shoved in my face that very day, and still it was hours before I had even come so far as to acknowledge the fact. I supposed that I had been so wrapped up in the shock of the entire situation that I hadn't had time to break it all down and cast my judgement upon it, piece by piece.
It was so off the wall, something that I wouldn't have guessed at, not in a million years. Joey Wheeler? Not possible. But clearly it was possible, because it was a reality. This was a situation that I had never been close enough to touch, let alone become involved in, so at first I was unsure of how to approach it. After a few moments of consideration, I decided that it didn't matter. What business was it of mine? Gay or not, he was still a terrible duelist.
I smirked as I thought of his little team of cheerleaders, and how they might react to the news.I was sure that they had no idea. His attitude towards women had always been slightly misplaced, even to my uncaring eyes. He was always talking, always flirting, yet when faced with the opportunity he would promptly turn and run as fast as he could in the other direction. What a front it had all been. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I should have been able to spot it a mile away. Those pathetic friends of his were either in a serious case of denial, or they were...in a serious case of denial.
Would he tell them? I thought not. But what would he do later on, when he eventually fell in love with someone? Would they see it then, or would he hide it as he always had? What if I'd told him I liked him back? That thought struck a small chord inside of me, but I ignored it until it subsided.
I did not like him back. What a ridiculous concept. I didn't like anyone back. There wasn't enough time for such trivial matters.
'There had been time today', my mind whispered back. Well, yes, but that was a fluke. A mistake.
Why hadn't I given him an answer? Was that what he had been after? There was no point in telling someone you liked them if you didn't expect anything in return. Why say anything at all?
What was with all of these questions my mind relentlessly flung across the expanse of my overworked subconsious? It was as though my mind was driving on, endlessly looping the tired subject back into rotation, even when I thought that I had covered all that I could about the situation. There was nothing more that I could do. Except tell him that I didn't like him in return. It would have to be done, and soon. Otherwise, he might begin to think that I was considering the notion as a viable option. Which simply wasn't going to happen. I resolved that I would tell him the very next day, and be done with the matter entirely. No more deep thinking. No more questions. Just the simple facts, and nothing more. I couldn't afford to become so entangled in someone else's problems like this. I had wasted an entire day, and I was determined not waste another second.
****************
"Wheeler. We're talking now." I pointed to him as he exited the classroom at the end of the day. I had been the first to leave, anxious to have this mess over and dealt with, and I had waited for what seemed like forever as Joey woke up at the sound of the bell and then proceeded to take as long as humanly possible to collect all of his miserable things and head out the door. He both heard and saw me, I knew for sure, but he certainly didn't rise to the occasion. It seemed as if he could sense the impending encounter and all of it's connotations, because he pretended as though he hadn't heard me and continued walking absentmindedly down the hallway. What a brat.
I sidestepped swiftly and blocked his path.
"Wheeler. Now." I grabbed his shirtsleeve and dragged him back into the classroom, which had emptied and was now silent, save for the two of us. I let him go and stared warily, watching to see if he would try and run. He was silent and forlorn, gazing at the back of his hand in wonder. He wouldn't meet my eyes. It was just as well.
"So, the great Joey Wheeler has nothing to say to me? And here I thought I'd never get you to shut up."
He never even flinched at the taunts. I didn't understand what was wrong with him, and for some reason I felt that he needed to acknowledge the fact that I was there. There's nothing I hate more than being ignored. Especially since I was the one doing him a favor.
"Well, puppy, of all the things that I might have guessed about you, it would never have been this. I had no idea you were so...inclined. I must say, I'm flattered, but I don't think I'll be able to take you up on your offer. You understand."
For the first time, he looked up and caught my eye, and the feelings that swam underneath the surface of his skin forewarned me only seconds too late.
"What 'offer'?" He was seething. I had apparently struck an awful nerve. Now I was beyond confused.
"You...yesterday. When you told me that you liked me. Didn't you want to know if I like you back?" Wasn't that the only reason to tell someone a thing like that? I hoped that I hadn't grossly misjudged him. According to the look I was recieving, it looked as though I had.
"Did I ask you if you liked me back?" His words were forced and unkind. It seemed like he was holding back for my sake. Was I doing something wrong? There was no way for me to know if I was, and I assumed that he knew that, because he had no other reason to spare me his rage.
"Well, no... but what other reason would you have to tell me such a thing? What would be in it for you to simply tell me that you liked me and you expected nothing in return? That wouldn't make any sense."
"And why is that?" He seemed to be honestly interested in my answer, which I was having a hard time formulating. This was falling apart, and fast. Of all the possible scenarios I had pictured, this particular one had never come up. How bad was I at this?
"Because no one does anything for anyone without expecting something in return. That is just the way people are." I had never said it out loud before, but as soon as I heard it, I knew that I believed it.
He held me in a harsh and judging gaze for a few moments. He was searching my face for any signs of sarcasm. I knew there were none, and he saw that.
"Well, Kaiba, I guess that makes me no one. I don't expect a thing from you in return. How shallow would my love be if it was shattered the moment that it wasn't returned? Do you think that-" He stopped speaking suddenly as the look on my face registered in his mind. His hand jumped to his mouth and tensely covered his lips, but it was too late. He had said far too much, and I had heard it. He hadn't meant for me to know that.
He loved me.
This was no ordinary like. This had evolved, had grown over time. This was bigger than the two of us. This was trouble, and I didn't know what to do at that moment.
"Oh, God...I'm so sorry. I'm terrible at this..." He stumbled over his words, still frozen in the shock of what he had just betrayed. I was still staring at him, exactly what I had been the moment he spilled forth the Truth of the matter. I hadn't thought to move yet. I was far to busy trying to digest that information, and failing miserably. This was too...involving. I wanted no part in this. I would take control of this situation, and I would end it here and now. Gather it all together, and push it down deep. Deep inside, and never speak of it again.
"You don't love me." I stated it simply, and so well that even I nearly believed it. He watched me, disbelief washing over his features as he waited for me to speak again.
"You have no idea who I am. How can you possibly believe this nonsense? What a waste of time, falling in love with a person who would never love you back. How can you reduce yourself to this level? Clearly, you were not thinking when you decided to go through with this, but it's time to start living in reality. You don't know a thing about me, so what is it exactly that you love about me? I'd love to hear it."
It was over so quickly that I didn't know it had happened until I felt my hand reach up to my burning cheek of it's own accord. I turned my head back to face him, and he lowered his hand and glared at me with tears in his eyes. I had been slapped.
"You bastard. How dare you...you have no right..." He turned away so quickly that I nearly missed the first tear that fell silently from his eye. Nearly. He walked to the exit of the classroom and stopped in the doorway, as if thinking twice about leaving so soon. After a moment's hesitation, he turned his head back to look at me, not even bothering to fully turn his body. He would leave in moments.
"Trust me on this one - I never decided to fall in love with you. Who would?"
He was gone. I laughed quietly to myself at the last thing he said. He had a point.
What is it all for?
Is it for moments like this, when I truly feel alive? I had never felt so stunningly real or so hopelessly lost before in my life. It was like first blood. I had never been cut before, and now that I had it brought me to a new and more believable level of reality, a place that had more color, more intensity, and endless pitfalls hidden underfoot. I felt a strange thing that I could not place, but it felt extremely similar to Regret. A form of Regret that was mixed sharply with appreciation. I appreciated this feeling. It was new and it was liberating, as if I had never taken a breath before today.
The things that I had said to Joey were wrong. They were unthinkable, and offensive even. I hadn't been aware until just now. In that moment when I stood silent and solemn in the hollow classroom, biting my cheek which still stung with the force of the blow, I saw what had truly transpired here. I hadn't even taken my palm away from my face, and I stood there motionless as thought any movement at all might shatter the surrealism of the moment.
This had not gone well. Still, I felt changed, somehow. Changed again by Joey Wheeler. What was it that he possessed? What was it that made him so different, so influential in my eyes? I had no idea where to even begin thinking about this. I had thought enough for the both of us over the last twenty four hours. I decided to call it a day, and retired into the sullen and shadowed atmosphere of my own house. I couldn't help but wonder, however, what it was that Joey might do next. I was convinced that I would never be able to guess. Not anymore. But perhaps even then I didn't want to know. I wanted to experience it, to be there when he did whatever it was that he would do. He fascinated me. He was unpredictable, and I found myself craving more of it, whatever it was.
*********************
AN: Oh, boy. I had no idea that would happen. I thought that Joey would approach Seto, but no. Seto had to try and command the situation to his liking. It always backfires on poor Seto. This chapter is kind of short, in comparison to the other chapters, but the next one will probably be pretty long. Anyway, this was a good ending note. Seto really needs to think about all this. Thank you all for your kind comments, the sun in comparison to you all is dull and pale. You bring me a certain sort of happiness that cannot be matched by any other. Can you hear me trying to woo you all? Marry me.
Converting /tmp/phpTp8BfE to /dev/stdout
A Seto Centric Thingy by Katsuya Kaiba
AN: I wonder if these authors notes are too long. I wonder a great many things, all in vain. But I wonder the most about this story, and why it seens to fly from my fingers at such an exhausting pace. I have found something precious in this story, something I have been looking for. How strange. I am beginning to write like Seto, even in these authors notes, and it's weirding me out. All my sentences have have shortened dramatically, and I'm so blunt. So 'To The Point'!!! I will write now, and spare you all the gory details. Hey, there's no blood in this fic, which might be a first for me. I can't remember. Does that seem strange? Do I make sense? Oh, god...
*********************
Something had escaped my grasp in the turbulence of the day. As I lay awake on my bed that night, exausted to the point of madness yet still wakeful, I thought of a thing that I should have thought of long ago.
Wasn't Joey a boy?
Of course he was. What a wasteful thought. But that thought led to others, much more involving and informative thoughts.
I was a boy, as well. This was a fun twist. Joey was a homo. Why hadn't I discovered this earlier? It had only been directly shoved in my face that very day, and still it was hours before I had even come so far as to acknowledge the fact. I supposed that I had been so wrapped up in the shock of the entire situation that I hadn't had time to break it all down and cast my judgement upon it, piece by piece.
It was so off the wall, something that I wouldn't have guessed at, not in a million years. Joey Wheeler? Not possible. But clearly it was possible, because it was a reality. This was a situation that I had never been close enough to touch, let alone become involved in, so at first I was unsure of how to approach it. After a few moments of consideration, I decided that it didn't matter. What business was it of mine? Gay or not, he was still a terrible duelist.
I smirked as I thought of his little team of cheerleaders, and how they might react to the news.I was sure that they had no idea. His attitude towards women had always been slightly misplaced, even to my uncaring eyes. He was always talking, always flirting, yet when faced with the opportunity he would promptly turn and run as fast as he could in the other direction. What a front it had all been. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I should have been able to spot it a mile away. Those pathetic friends of his were either in a serious case of denial, or they were...in a serious case of denial.
Would he tell them? I thought not. But what would he do later on, when he eventually fell in love with someone? Would they see it then, or would he hide it as he always had? What if I'd told him I liked him back? That thought struck a small chord inside of me, but I ignored it until it subsided.
I did not like him back. What a ridiculous concept. I didn't like anyone back. There wasn't enough time for such trivial matters.
'There had been time today', my mind whispered back. Well, yes, but that was a fluke. A mistake.
Why hadn't I given him an answer? Was that what he had been after? There was no point in telling someone you liked them if you didn't expect anything in return. Why say anything at all?
What was with all of these questions my mind relentlessly flung across the expanse of my overworked subconsious? It was as though my mind was driving on, endlessly looping the tired subject back into rotation, even when I thought that I had covered all that I could about the situation. There was nothing more that I could do. Except tell him that I didn't like him in return. It would have to be done, and soon. Otherwise, he might begin to think that I was considering the notion as a viable option. Which simply wasn't going to happen. I resolved that I would tell him the very next day, and be done with the matter entirely. No more deep thinking. No more questions. Just the simple facts, and nothing more. I couldn't afford to become so entangled in someone else's problems like this. I had wasted an entire day, and I was determined not waste another second.
****************
"Wheeler. We're talking now." I pointed to him as he exited the classroom at the end of the day. I had been the first to leave, anxious to have this mess over and dealt with, and I had waited for what seemed like forever as Joey woke up at the sound of the bell and then proceeded to take as long as humanly possible to collect all of his miserable things and head out the door. He both heard and saw me, I knew for sure, but he certainly didn't rise to the occasion. It seemed as if he could sense the impending encounter and all of it's connotations, because he pretended as though he hadn't heard me and continued walking absentmindedly down the hallway. What a brat.
I sidestepped swiftly and blocked his path.
"Wheeler. Now." I grabbed his shirtsleeve and dragged him back into the classroom, which had emptied and was now silent, save for the two of us. I let him go and stared warily, watching to see if he would try and run. He was silent and forlorn, gazing at the back of his hand in wonder. He wouldn't meet my eyes. It was just as well.
"So, the great Joey Wheeler has nothing to say to me? And here I thought I'd never get you to shut up."
He never even flinched at the taunts. I didn't understand what was wrong with him, and for some reason I felt that he needed to acknowledge the fact that I was there. There's nothing I hate more than being ignored. Especially since I was the one doing him a favor.
"Well, puppy, of all the things that I might have guessed about you, it would never have been this. I had no idea you were so...inclined. I must say, I'm flattered, but I don't think I'll be able to take you up on your offer. You understand."
For the first time, he looked up and caught my eye, and the feelings that swam underneath the surface of his skin forewarned me only seconds too late.
"What 'offer'?" He was seething. I had apparently struck an awful nerve. Now I was beyond confused.
"You...yesterday. When you told me that you liked me. Didn't you want to know if I like you back?" Wasn't that the only reason to tell someone a thing like that? I hoped that I hadn't grossly misjudged him. According to the look I was recieving, it looked as though I had.
"Did I ask you if you liked me back?" His words were forced and unkind. It seemed like he was holding back for my sake. Was I doing something wrong? There was no way for me to know if I was, and I assumed that he knew that, because he had no other reason to spare me his rage.
"Well, no... but what other reason would you have to tell me such a thing? What would be in it for you to simply tell me that you liked me and you expected nothing in return? That wouldn't make any sense."
"And why is that?" He seemed to be honestly interested in my answer, which I was having a hard time formulating. This was falling apart, and fast. Of all the possible scenarios I had pictured, this particular one had never come up. How bad was I at this?
"Because no one does anything for anyone without expecting something in return. That is just the way people are." I had never said it out loud before, but as soon as I heard it, I knew that I believed it.
He held me in a harsh and judging gaze for a few moments. He was searching my face for any signs of sarcasm. I knew there were none, and he saw that.
"Well, Kaiba, I guess that makes me no one. I don't expect a thing from you in return. How shallow would my love be if it was shattered the moment that it wasn't returned? Do you think that-" He stopped speaking suddenly as the look on my face registered in his mind. His hand jumped to his mouth and tensely covered his lips, but it was too late. He had said far too much, and I had heard it. He hadn't meant for me to know that.
He loved me.
This was no ordinary like. This had evolved, had grown over time. This was bigger than the two of us. This was trouble, and I didn't know what to do at that moment.
"Oh, God...I'm so sorry. I'm terrible at this..." He stumbled over his words, still frozen in the shock of what he had just betrayed. I was still staring at him, exactly what I had been the moment he spilled forth the Truth of the matter. I hadn't thought to move yet. I was far to busy trying to digest that information, and failing miserably. This was too...involving. I wanted no part in this. I would take control of this situation, and I would end it here and now. Gather it all together, and push it down deep. Deep inside, and never speak of it again.
"You don't love me." I stated it simply, and so well that even I nearly believed it. He watched me, disbelief washing over his features as he waited for me to speak again.
"You have no idea who I am. How can you possibly believe this nonsense? What a waste of time, falling in love with a person who would never love you back. How can you reduce yourself to this level? Clearly, you were not thinking when you decided to go through with this, but it's time to start living in reality. You don't know a thing about me, so what is it exactly that you love about me? I'd love to hear it."
It was over so quickly that I didn't know it had happened until I felt my hand reach up to my burning cheek of it's own accord. I turned my head back to face him, and he lowered his hand and glared at me with tears in his eyes. I had been slapped.
"You bastard. How dare you...you have no right..." He turned away so quickly that I nearly missed the first tear that fell silently from his eye. Nearly. He walked to the exit of the classroom and stopped in the doorway, as if thinking twice about leaving so soon. After a moment's hesitation, he turned his head back to look at me, not even bothering to fully turn his body. He would leave in moments.
"Trust me on this one - I never decided to fall in love with you. Who would?"
He was gone. I laughed quietly to myself at the last thing he said. He had a point.
What is it all for?
Is it for moments like this, when I truly feel alive? I had never felt so stunningly real or so hopelessly lost before in my life. It was like first blood. I had never been cut before, and now that I had it brought me to a new and more believable level of reality, a place that had more color, more intensity, and endless pitfalls hidden underfoot. I felt a strange thing that I could not place, but it felt extremely similar to Regret. A form of Regret that was mixed sharply with appreciation. I appreciated this feeling. It was new and it was liberating, as if I had never taken a breath before today.
The things that I had said to Joey were wrong. They were unthinkable, and offensive even. I hadn't been aware until just now. In that moment when I stood silent and solemn in the hollow classroom, biting my cheek which still stung with the force of the blow, I saw what had truly transpired here. I hadn't even taken my palm away from my face, and I stood there motionless as thought any movement at all might shatter the surrealism of the moment.
This had not gone well. Still, I felt changed, somehow. Changed again by Joey Wheeler. What was it that he possessed? What was it that made him so different, so influential in my eyes? I had no idea where to even begin thinking about this. I had thought enough for the both of us over the last twenty four hours. I decided to call it a day, and retired into the sullen and shadowed atmosphere of my own house. I couldn't help but wonder, however, what it was that Joey might do next. I was convinced that I would never be able to guess. Not anymore. But perhaps even then I didn't want to know. I wanted to experience it, to be there when he did whatever it was that he would do. He fascinated me. He was unpredictable, and I found myself craving more of it, whatever it was.
*********************
AN: Oh, boy. I had no idea that would happen. I thought that Joey would approach Seto, but no. Seto had to try and command the situation to his liking. It always backfires on poor Seto. This chapter is kind of short, in comparison to the other chapters, but the next one will probably be pretty long. Anyway, this was a good ending note. Seto really needs to think about all this. Thank you all for your kind comments, the sun in comparison to you all is dull and pale. You bring me a certain sort of happiness that cannot be matched by any other. Can you hear me trying to woo you all? Marry me.
Converting /tmp/phpTp8BfE to /dev/stdout