Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Dinosaur Ryuuzaki: Ace Detective! ❯ "No worries, my most awesome Client!" ( Chapter 1 )

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Takahashi does, and he can't believe I'm making a one-shot about Rex Raptor. I can't, either, but Rex needs love. And I need to seriously do a funny YGO one-shot. Or, at least one where magic and or zombies don't rule it entirely. Wish me luck!

 

It was a slow afternoon for Seto Kaiba as he sat in his office, looking over what was, in his mind, the shittiest report on the stock markets he'd ever read in his life. It was as though a five-year-old wrote it and let his two-year-old brother scribble on it as their dog took a dump afterwards. He was ready to throw the whole paper out, but unfortunately, he promised his employees he'd read at least some of their work before firing them. Well, he'd have to break that promise. There was no way Seto Kaiba was reading this. He lazily threw the paper in the trash and looked out the window. It was a nice enough day, or so he thought. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing, and the alarms downstairs were starting to sound. And that last instant is what caused Mokuba Kaiba to burst in a moment later, nearly breaking the door down in the process.

 

"Seto, we're being robbed!" he cried, and Kaiba looked up at him quizzically, "Someone's stealing your new duel disk!" Despite his brother's frantic exasperation, Kaiba seemed to fail to understand just what the problem was. People stole from him all of the time. When Mokuba said it again, this time with much more dramatic emphasis, Kaiba merely sighed and picked up the phone. He'd have to humor Mokuba again.

 

"Security, go downstairs and escort the thief, Jounouchi, out of the premises," he said flatly, "Kick his ass if you want while you're at it." Unfortunately, that wasn't enough, as Mokuba just didn't settle down.

 

"No! It's not Jou!" Mokuba cried, "Why would he steal the Duelinator 5000!?" Kaiba dropped the phone when he heard that. That was the brand new machine he just invented! It wasn't even patented! If someone else stole it and knew that, they could steal his idea! Hours of work he put in for other people he didn't care about! His eye twitched. This was much more serious than he thought, and even though he hated Jounouchi, he knew Jou wouldn't do anything that terrifying to him. He slammed the phone and picked it up again, dialing a new number.

 

"Yeah, hello? This is Kaiba speaking. I'd like to report a robbery. My brand new invention was stolen. No, I don't know who did it. Would I be calling you if I did!?" Kaiba yelled, "What? No, this doesn't call for the Esper Security Branch! Because it's not a magical artifact! It just isn't! BECAUSE I HATE MAGIC! Will you asswipes help me or should I crash my copter into your building!? Fine, FINE! He's good enough! Yeah, go to hell too!" Kaiba then slammed the phone down, not caring that it broke. It was just another 50 dollars he'd have to waste later. Mokuba, who pretty much ducked under the table for fear of injury, looked up at Kaiba with worry.

 

"Who're they sending?" he asked nervously, as Kaiba turned furiously back to the window, as a bird flew by, "Someone from another world to help us?"

 

"No. No one wants to help me!" Kaiba exclaimed, throwing his arms up, "I'm fscking rich and willing to pay them to help, and they send that idiot, Ryuuzaki, over to help me! Hell, I'd even take that freak, Sith, if she didn't want to blow me up for some menial reason! But, no, not even the ESB wants to help me! I don't get it, Mokuba!"

 

"Maybe if you weren't so mean to everyone, they'd help you," Mokuba pointed out, slowly regaining his courage, "I mean, how bad could Ryuuzaki be?" Kaiba simply gave Mokuba a flat look as a clap of thunder rocked Domino City in that moment, the younger boy having just sealed Kaiba's fate. A knock on the balcony door alerted Kaiba, but the person knocking didn't even wait for Kaiba to open the door. He simply walked right in like he was allowed to lounge in Kaiba's building whenever he damn well wanted.

 

"So, word in my office says you need my help to find your new disk, eh?" Dinosaur Ryuuzaki asked, taking off his Sherlock Holmes-styled hat as he took out a pipe, "Not even the ESB are willing to help you, either. That's bad, my man. Real bad."

 

"What the hell are you even doing here!? I didn't even let you in!" Kaiba exclaimed, eye twitching as he watched Ryuuzaki sit in one of his chairs, "How the hell did you get here so fast, anyway!?"

 

"Not important. So, Kaiba, tell me, what's the deal here?" Ryuuzaki asked, giving him a quizzical look as a smirk formed on his face, "How much you willing to pay me to find this little machine of yours?" Kaiba growled. If it weren't his un-patented machine, he'd have thrown Ryuuzaki out a window by now. But, he did need help. He sighed, hanging his head in reluctant defeat.

 

"Depends on if you can actually find it," Kaiba mumbled, "And I'm not paying up front, either. Find my machine and then we'll talk cash." Ryuuzaki gave Kaiba an odd stare. He didn't normally work that way, but if Kaiba really intended to pay him, he felt no need to argue. He stood up, nodded, and shook Kaiba's hand.

 

"No problem, my most awesome client," Ryuuzaki replied, "I'll find it in forty eight hours or your next theft investigation is nearly free of charge." Then, he strolled out of the room, leaving Kaiba to simply stare in complete and utter disbelief, wondering just which God hated him enough to stick him with Ryuuzaki. Five minutes later, thanks to Kaiba, Ryuuzaki was thrown right out of the Kaiba Corp building onto the street. He had no clues to work with, and was prohibited from entering the building again due to harassment on several charges. And, for whatever reason, that didn't bother him. He simply grinned as he started down the street. In his mind, he already made a rather acute list of suspects. They were the usual sort, of course, consisting of what Ryuuzaki thought were Kaiba's closest friends. In other words, he'd have to interrogate Yugi, Anzu, Honda, Jou, and Ryou, and anyone else associated with them. It was all fine with him.

 

"I think I'll start on ol' Yugi first," Ryuuzaki said to himself, eyeing the playground toward his left, "I have to be sneaky, though. With that spirit of the pharaoh hanging around, he could have guards out to protect him or something... now, where is he? Aha!" Ryuuzaki's grin widened when he saw Yugi sitting on a bench, talking to the spirit in question, who still had a form thanks to the ESB's wavering magic. He walked over, not caring how many games of Hide and Seek or Hopscotch that he disrupted. And, when Yugi saw him as well, he simply frowned. He didn't like Ryuuzaki.

 

"Hi, Ryuuzaki," Yugi said, trying his best to seem cheerful, "What can I do for you? Did you want to duel?"

 

"Sorry, my good duelist, but I'm on a mission here," Ryuuzaki stated proudly, "Kaiba sent me to save his precious machine, and I'm in the need for clues. You haven't seen anything overly suspicious, have you? How about Mr. Pharaoh over there, huh?" Yugi blinked, looking at Ryuuzaki flatly. Yami, on the other hand, seemed unable to understand what Ryuuzaki was even rambling about as he stared in disbelief.

 

"Both of us have been here all morning," Yugi replied, his eyes narrowing in annoyance, "Why don't you check out the people most likely to actually commit grand larceny? Like, I don't know, Bakura or Ishtar?" Ryuuzaki took out a notepad and a pen, nodding as he scribbled something down.

 

"Don't think I haven't ruled them out, Yugi," Ryuuzaki stated as he wrote, "But, I'm sure they'd want me to suspect them. So, I need to do this the right way to catch them. Since you're helping me, though, it's obvious you didn't do it. So, keep in touch, my fellow crime-fighter!" With that, he put the notebook away and left Yugi to sit there, wondering just how he managed to get involved with the crackpot of a case Ryuuzaki was spinning. Finally, though, he realized one fatal flaw in Ryuuzaki's case.

 

"...wait a minute! Do you even know where either of them are!?" Yugi asked, but Ryuuzaki didn't respond, mainly because he didn't hear. He was too busy wondering how much it'd cost him to send for reinforcements in case Bakura decided to get aggressive on him. Probably much more than Kaiba was going to pay him, and as he realized that, he grumbled. Leave it to Kaiba to screw him out of speaking to other detectives in other worlds to help his cause. Now in a slightly less cheerful mood, Ryuuzaki continued on up the road. So far, he had only two leads, and because he hadn't bothered to ask Yugi where they were, he had no idea what to do from there. That was, of course, until he spotted Ryou walking up the road. And, he had none other than Sith Winchester with him, and her dog, Rosco. They might know where Bakura was! Quickly, Ryuuzaki ran over, and when Ryou noticed, he tapped Sith's arm to alert her, but he was too late. Ryuuzaki was already there by the time Sith managed to get Rosco to stop sniffing a tree.

 

"Hold it!" Ryuuzaki said forcefully, even though neither Ryou nor Sith moved an inch, "This is a criminal investigation, and if you leave, that's obstruction of justice."

 

"Would it be an obstruction of justice to gun you from here?" Sith asked flatly as Ryou nudged her in the ribs. Ryuuzaki gave her an odd look before Ryou spoke.

 

"Heh... um... what criminal investigation are you talking about, and how can we actually help you?" Ryou asked him, and then frowned, "Sith's not here illegally. Bahamut said she's completely legitimate." Ryuuzaki looked at Ryou for a moment, and then shook his head. Why Ryou would think this had anything to do with Sith was beyond him, but he didn't have time to argue. He needed answers.

 

"Relax, compadre. I'm not here on Esper immigration. I'm looking for Bakura," Ryuuzaki said simply, and Sith sighed, "Due to his past as a thief, we have reason to believe he stole Kaiba's Duelinator... something or other. So, where is he?" Ryou and Sith both blinked, neither able to believe that Bakura would ever waste his time stealing from Kaiba. When Sith tried to point this out, Ryuuzaki simply said, "Hey, don't make me remind you that failing to answer is considered obstruction of justice."

 

"..." Sith growled, and glanced at Ryou, "I have one bullet left. Let me take it." Ryou nudged her again, and Ryuuzaki's brows furrowed.

 

"Oy, don't make me go bad cop on you, Sith!" he said, taking out what looked like a gun. Ryou screamed, but Sith simply stared flatly at Ryuuzaki as Rosco barked, trying to get the gun out of Ryuuzaki's hands. Ryuuzaki frowned as he said, "Control your dog. That's another offense right there." Sith growled again, and tried to control Rosco, but the gun provided too much excitement to the dog. Ryou stared critically at Ryuuzaki.

 

"But isn't brandishing a weapon in a residential area an offense, too?" he pointed out flatly, as Rosco finally shut up. Ryuuzaki blinked. Technically, that was true, but he was also a cop, and danger could've been lurking anywhere. He needed his weapons!

 

"I'm a cop, Ryou. I can do whatever I want," Ryuuzaki explained bluntly, aiming his gun, "If I wanted to shoot, I could. Watch." He pulled the trigger, and before Ryou could even scream, the bullet sounded, hitting Sith square in the chest. She blinked, unable to believe a human just shot her, and then, just like that, she collapsed. Ryou gasped, and Rosco barked again as they realized that Ryuuzaki actually killed Sith in the middle of the street. Then, Ryou took the gun and successfully snapped it in two, not caring who saw the incident.

 

"Are you an idiot!? You just shot Sith!" Ryou yelled, throwing the pieces on the ground, "Do you have ANY idea how pissed Bahamut will be!?"

 

"Dude, she's a zombie. She'll come right back when she realizes it was a gun shot," Ryuuzaki reasoned, and took Rosco's leash, "Meanwhile, I have a thief to find, and I need a bloodhound to catch him. Your dog will do nicely; he's just as magical as Zombie-girl down there is." Ryuuzaki then led Rosco away as Ryou stared at Sith, who didn't appear to be moving. He poked her, and then when he realized Ryuuzaki actually stole Rosco, he turned around.

 

"HEY! You can't steal our dog! Get back here!" he yelled, but Ryuuzaki didn't hear him. He continued on down the road, completely ignoring the screams of utter outrage from Ryou. So far, things were progressing slowly, but he felt confident nonetheless, especially since he... acquired a dog to aid his search, the dog being mostly reluctant to even let Ryuuzaki lead him. They continued on until they came across an ice-cream stand, and Ryuuzaki sat down, taking out his notebook.

 

"Okay, so far, we know that Yugi, Ryou, and Sith didn't steal the machine," he told Rosco, who jumped up in the seat next to him, "But this still leaves a lot of suspects, and we still don't know where Bakura is! I mean, geez, is it really that hard to find a 3,000-year-old husk!?" Rosco simply stared at Ryuuzaki, and then barked as he jumped off the seat, rushing through tables and chairs to something Ryuuzaki himself couldn't see. Ryuuzaki jumped up as he yelled, "HEY! STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW!" Then, he ran after Rosco, trying to figure out just where the dog was trying to lead him. They ran through the large park, ran through the river cutting across the park, and nearly slammed into a motorist trying to park his bike, his blonde hair billowing majestically as he took off his helmet... until Ryuuzaki managed to actually hit him, making him fall flat off his bike and onto the pavement.

 

"Hey! Watch where you're going, asshole!" Malik Ishtar screamed, picking his helmet up, "You nearly busted my brand new bike!"

 

"Don't make me lock you up and send your little tricycle to the junkyard!" Ryuuzaki yelled back, "My stupid bloodhound is going insane, and I still need to find Bakura!" Malik simply watched in complete and utter confusion as Ryuuzaki ran off again at top speed, neither stopping to apologize to the old woman he just bowled over, or to simply ask Malik himself where Bakura was. Not that Malik intended to help him anymore, what with his bike being utterly knocked to the ground. On and on Ryuuzaki ran, feeling sure that Rosco was either going to be hit with a truck or run off to somewhere no one would find him, until finally, the damn dog stopped. Ryuuzaki skidded to a halt, slipping on a patch of mud and slamming face-first into the mud, much to the laughter of two equally sardonic figures before him.

 

"Wow, that looked amazingly clumsy on your part," Ishtar said, grinning as Bakura picked up the large, orange dog, "You're not sending yourself on another wild goose-chase again, are you?" He looked over at Bakura, who seemed equally as scornful of Ryuuzaki's little fall.

 

"Perhaps he's looking for little kids to arrest for obstructing some form of justice," Bakura suggested wryly, as Rosco jumped and yipped with delight on finding Bakura, "Damn it, dog, sit down!" Ryuuzaki moaned angrily and slowly stood up, his front side completely coated with mud. He desperately wanted to jump in a fountain and wash the mud off, but for right now, justice needed to be served, as he did just find his two biggest suspects. Inwardly, that made him grin, for he did realize that yet again, he caught what was in his mind, his men.

 

"Actually, for your information, I've been looking for you two," he replied, taking out a pair of handcuffs, "You're under arrest." Ishtar's eyes widened as Ryuuzaki approached with the cuffs, and as he glanced at Bakura, his eyebrows rose with worry. Bakura seemed pretty uninterested, though, as he continued to play with Rosco.

 

"Whoa, hold on, Captain America," Ishtar said flatly, "Don't you think you ought to tell us why you're actually arresting us?" Ryuuzaki blinked, feeling that either way, the two should be booked. But, he was, in his mind, a good cop. He'd humor them. He set the cuffs down and took out his notebook again.

 

"Fine. You both are under arrest for the theft of Kaiba's machine," he stated, "You have the right to remain silent, and if you're smart, you'll use that right." Despite not telling them what evidence he had against them, Ryuuzaki put his notebook away and took his cuffs again as the two spirits in question stood up, neither being able to believe they were just convicted of a crime neither committed.

 

"WHAT!?" Ishtar yelled as Bakura cried, "But we didn't steal anything today! We've been here the entire day!" Ryuuzaki sighed; criminals never insisted on doing this the easy way. Grumbling, he took out his notebook again.

 

"Do you have anyone to even confirm that?" he asked, his eyes narrowing flatly.

 

"Uh..." Both spirits simply looked at each other. Technically, they didn't. They chose that fateful day to stay in the back part of the park, where only crazy drunks or desperate musicians wandered to. Bakura's skin paled as Ishtar laughed, neither one being able to actually back up their stories. Ryuuzaki sighed, wishing this wasn't how he was spending his weekend as he proceeded to handcuff Bakura. Ishtar simply bit his lip, wondering just how he could get them both out of trouble. In honesty, he didn't care that Bakura was being booked; he just didn't want to go to jail himself, but if he didn't help Bakura, the older spirit might actually kill him. Picking up a large stick, he glanced at Ryuuzaki, who was reading Bakura the rest of his rights.

 

"You may have one phone call to try and get your sorry ass out of prison," Ryuuzaki said, "You will get two meals a day until your trial, and you will not be allowed to handle any swords, knives, guns, or anything even remotely magical. Attempt to break these rights and you're going to be shot to death." Bakura simply snorted in amusement, wondering if a gun would actually be able to kill him. Carefully, Ishtar poked Ryuuzaki in the shoulder, causing the boy to look back and snap, "What!?"

 

"I think I saw a mass-murderer running there," Ishtar pointed in a totally random direction, and when Ryuuzaki snapped around, he slammed the boy on the head with the large stick, causing him to fall over. Then, he dragged Bakura away, running as fast as they could as Bakura himself took the stick and tried to pry the cuffs off, thusly ridding Ryuuzaki not only of two suspects, but of any other leads he might get from them. Slowly, Ryuuzaki dragged himself up, unable to believe he actually fell for Ishtar's trick. He looked around, only to find to his dismay that no one else was there. Ishtar and Bakura were long gone at that point.

 

"...aw, man! I was so close to solving this case, too!" Ryuuzaki yelled, even though he actually wasn't anywhere close at all, "Oh well, I guess I'll just assume they didn't do it. But who else can I question?" He looked down at Rosco, who simply stared flatly at the would-be detective. Even though he was just a dog, even Rosco could clearly see Ryuuzaki had no idea what the hell he was even doing. He simply barked, and taking that as an actual answer, Ryuuzaki said, "Brilliant! I can't believe I didn't think of that! I should ask Anzu what she knows!" Taking the dog's leash again, Ryuuzaki confidently strolled away from the park and toward a rather busy street, toward a large building with a giant burger sitting on it over a sign saying 'Burger World.' Even if Anzu wasn't actually there, he still needed his lunch. Grinning, he walked inside, only to be greeted by the smell of cooking charcoal bricks. Anzu came rushing out as she heard the little bell ringing to signal a customer.

 

"Hello! Welcome to..." she stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she saw who she was actually addressing, "...OH DEAR BAHAMUT, WHY'RE YOU HERE!?"

 

"Where were you this morning?" he asked, as she reluctantly led him to a table before he managed to drive the customers away, "There was a robbery at Kaiba Corp, and I'm interviewing everyone who was close to Kaiba." Anzu just stared at him at that point. She barely knew Kaiba. In fact, the only thing she knew about him was that he was a total, complete asshole. But, unless she wanted to deal with a possible lawsuit, she had to answer.

 

"I was here, working," she stated flatly, shoving a menu his way, and before he could question, she added, "Ask my boss if you don't believe me. Everyone saw me here." Ryuuzaki nodded as he flipped open the menu.

 

"Uh-huh..." he said, though he only appeared to have half-heard her, "It could be a conspiracy charge if you were lying, you know." Anzu's eye twitched, wondering if Yugi had been forced to deal with this nutcase. Rosco simply stared up at her, pitying her for being at work that day.

 

"Don't make me smack you across the face with a fork," she said shortly, handing him a cup of water. He took it, and looked up at her. They stared at each other for a long, hard minute, neither one believing how the other was treating them. Then, Ryuuzaki leaned closer to her, so close that his face was literally just centimeters from hers. His eyes narrowed gently, and he brushed her hair away from her face so he could look directly into her eyes.

 

"...I could arrest you for assaulting a cop, you know," he whispered, and Anzu finally lost it. She screamed a most blood-curdling roar ever heard, even beyond the mighty choruses of the Espers, and literally threw Ryuuzaki through a window, outraged at what he accused her of. Then, she herself stormed outside, intent on either killing him or shooing him off, not knowing which one had greater hold of her. Finally, though, she settled on simply yelling.

 

"GET OUT OF HERE AND STAY OUT!" she roared, "Why don't you go question an actual criminal, like Bakura!?" Then, she stormed back inside, leaving Ryuuzaki out in the cold world. He didn't even have time to tell her he did question Bakura, and it led him right to her. Technically, Rosco led him to her, but she certainly wouldn't know that. Sighing, Ryuuzaki stood up. He was quickly running out of suspects, and he barely had a case to begin with. Kaiba would definitely be angry if he knew that.

 

"Well, now what?" Ryuuzaki asked, looking at the dog, "We're running out of leads, boy. Any other ideas?" Rosco simply gave him a flat look, not wanting to help with this case any more than he had to. He growled, and Ryuuzaki once again took that as an actual answer as he said, "Good deduction! I'm sure Honda and Jou have an idea as to what happened!" Once again, without his lunch, and with Rosco, Ryuuzaki ran toward where Jou lived with ungodly speed. He dashed up the stairs of the apartment complex, not caring if he had to drag Rosco to make it there. Finally, he reached the appropriate door, and knocked on it. But, no answer came. He knocked again, but all he heard was the television. Someone was inside; they simply didn't feel the police were important. Ryuuzaki leaned against the door.

 

"Open up or I'm breaking the door down!" he called, furrowing his brows, "Don't make me remind you that failing to answer a police officer is obstruction of justice!" He waited dramatically, but no one moved to answer him. Growling, he turned to Rosco and said, "Go, Rosco! Double-Edge the door!" Unfortunately, Rosco wasn't a pokemon. He simply sat, completely unwilling to even listen to Ryuuzaki. Grunting, Ryuuzaki glared hard at the door. He was willing to give them one more chance to open it, but when another minute passed, he decided that breaking and entering was no longer a law meant to be followed. He plowed ahead with every ounce of strength he was given, and the door went flying right off the handles, landing in a crash so mighty, Chuck Norris would have shat himself if he heard it. Ryuuzaki charged into the apartment like a one-man SWAT team, storming through the hall, and stopping at the living room. There, Jou and Honda sat, glued to the couch and staring at Jou's television like zombies. Ryuuzaki blinked, and slowly walked forward, grabbing a squirt gun off of the table in case they decided to attack him. He edged closer, but they barely seemed to notice him.

 

"Seventy-eight straight hours of video games..." Jou mumbled, his eyes still glued to the screen, "...need carnage... need blood... also... food... toilet... bed..."

 

"Must stop bantha fodder..." Honda added, just as distantly, "Must become public enemy..." Ryuuzaki blinked. Sith had vaguely mentioned zombies at one time, and though Ryuuzaki had never actually seen one, right about then, Jou and Honda looked pretty close to being part of the undead. But, they seemed alive enough to form words, so taking out his notebook, Ryuuzaki intended to take their statements. Or, as close to one as he could get. He sat on the table.

 

"How long have you two been playing games?" he asked, "Where were you this morning?"

 

"Three days... three days..." Jou chanted, mashing a button on his controller, "Three days..."

 

"We already established you've been here for three days," Ryuuzaki said, and a nasty smell finally barraged his nose, "...okay, who took a dump in here?"

 

"Was me," Honda replied, "Had to go badly." Ryuuzaki's eyes widened in horror at the realization that Honda did just shit himself. Screaming, Ryuuzaki ran right out of the apartment, feeling that neither Jou nor Honda had anything to do with the theft at Kaiba Corp. Even if they did, he'd simply lie just so he never had to see them again. But, that left him without suspects as he practically jumped off the banister in his haste to escape, Rosco running after him with worry. Only when they reached the park once again, did Ryuuzaki stop to catch his breath.

 

"Okay, that was the scariest interrogation I've ever had," he said to Rosco, who sat down and looked up at him, "But now what? I'm completely out of suspects, and none of them have any idea what happened to the Duelinator. I mean, I guess there's Isis, but I doubt she'd go with theft. And Yugi's grandpa is way too old to move that fast. Maybe this was a job for ESB..." He looked down sadly, realizing how little he actually had to go on, but when he remembered just who worked at ESB, he looked up, clenching his fists as he said, "No! I refuse to give up! I might have no leads, but Dinosaur Ryuuzaki ALWAYS catches his man! I just need some outside help!" Rosco blinked, and even though he couldn't speak to Ryuuzaki, he understood just what that meant. And, the dog hated it all the while. It meant another walk with the nutjob who called himself a detective. Ryuuzaki adjusted his cap, and grinned as he picked up Rosco's leash again.

 

"Quickly, Rosco! To the JUSTICE TOWER!" Ryuuzaki said, and ran down the road with Rosco again. Twenty minutes later, they stopped in front of a huge tower of a building in the middle of Domino, and though it looked impressive, it wasn't the Justice Tower. No, it was ESB headquarters. Quickly, Ryuuzaki ran inside, bowling over a poor non-human who was sweeping the hall, and nearly rammed right into the pay phones. Quickly, he took one and furiously dialed a number. It rang nearly ten times before the person on the other end picked up.

 

"Hello?" came a deep voice on the other end, "Who is this?"

 

"L! Dude, I'm so glad I caught you!" Ryuuzaki said, genuinely glad to hear the other detective, "Listen, dude, I need your help. Someone stole Kaiba's new machine, but I've questioned everyone he knows, and no one knows what happened to it. You're a genius, maybe you can help me!" There was silence on the other end of the line, but Ryuuzaki simply thought that L was thinking of a solution. However, when the man spoke next, he crushed any hopes of help Ryuuzaki had.

 

"...I'm trying to stop a literal God, and you're going to pester me over a children's card game?" L asked sternly, "You have some nerve, Dinosaur Ryuuzaki. Call me when it's a true emergency."

 

"Wait! Can't you come here for five minutes and help me out!?" Ryuuzaki pleaded, getting exasperated at how his newest case was going, "I NEED you, man!" Silence greeted him again, and finally, L sighed. He wanted nothing more than to just hang up, but Watari had taught him better manners.

 

"All right. Here's what you do: Go out there, get more clues, and leave me alone," L instructed, and Ryuuzaki wrote it all down, "Do you have that? Good. Now, goodbye." Then, he hung up. Ryuuzaki nodded as he finished writing down the man's instructions... and then he realized he'd been duped. Angrily, he slammed the phone down.

 

"I HOPE KIRA KILLS YOU, ASSHOLE!" he said, not realizing just how correct that statement would be in a different world. He fumed and ranted, all the while ignoring the fact that someone was behind him. Blinking, she rapped him on the shoulder, and he turned around. It was Sith again, though the fact that she had been gunned down still burned in Ryuuzaki's mind as he asked, "Aren't you supposed to be dead!?"

 

"Nice to see you too," Sith mumbled, "Looks like you forgot to medicate again."

 

"What the hell do you want!?" Ryuuzaki snapped, not in the mood for the woman's usual snarky remarks, "I've got a case and not even the world's smartest asshole will help me, so unless you intend to help me, I'm arresting you for obstruction of justice!" Sith's eyes narrowed as Rosco nudged her hand.

 

"You stole my dog, and you're going to arrest me!? Tell me you joke," she said shortly, "I just wanted to tell you that I found something that might help you." She handed him a piece of metal, and when he raised an eyebrow, she said, "It's a piece of equipment from Kaiba Corp. I found it near the alley out back." Then, she took Rosco's leash and left, as Rosco sighed a sigh of complete relief. Ryuuzaki looked down at the piece of metal. He had no idea how an Esper like Sith managed to find a clue when he hadn't found anything at all, but he shrugged. At least he had a location now. Pocketing the object, he took Sith's advice and left the building, heading toward the very back of the building, where a lone alley surely sat. And, he found another piece of metal. Along with a card. He picked up the card, and saw it was a Winged Kuriboh. Somehow, that seemed oddly familiar, but he just couldn't place it. Shrugging, he continued into the alley. He could feel he was getting close, and made a mental note to apologize to Sith for killing her as he turned a corner. He saw two shadows moving, and stopped to listen to them. They sounded frantic as they spoke.

 

"J-Juudai, I don't think we should try patching it up," came one voice, who sounded nervous and terrified of something, "It already broke on us twice!"

 

"Awww, come on, Sho. It's just a little scrapped. Nothing I can't fix," said the second voice, a bit more confident than it should have been, "I'm sure Kaiba won't be too mad if we bring it back nearly unharmed. So, get your mechanic skills on and let's get to work!"

 

"But you said that twice and we've broken it three times already. I think we should just give it up, Juudai," the first voice, Sho, said, "The Duelinator won't help us get our popularity back, anyway." Ryuuzaki blinked. He just found the culprits in the theft of Kaiba Corp. He grinned, and told himself to make sure he thanked Ryou and Sith for this later. Taking out the water gun he stole from Jou, Ryuuzaki burst from his hiding place, scaring the living daylights out of Juudai and Sho, whom he suddenly recognized. They both came from a branch-off of his world, called Genex.

 

"Halt, in the name of the law!" he cried heroically, but the two would-be thieves kept on screaming, "Seriously, shut up! I'm not here to kill you both! Just tell me why you stole Kaiba's machine." Juudai stopped screaming, and looked up at Ryuuzaki. He hadn't yet brought out handcuffs, so that was still a good sign.

 

"Well, see, we're hated because our world is seen as a rip-off to this one, so we were going to use this machine to bring some of my glory back so I'm loved again," Juudai explained, "But it keeps breaking. It took us three hours just to drag it behind this building." Ryuuzaki nodded, writing this all down in his notebook. However, before he could grab his cuffs to make an official arrest, someone else already beat him to it as they dashed forward, knocking Juudai flat on the ground. Ryuuzaki blinked; a little kid just knocked down Juudai.

 

"Halt, in the name of the law!" he screamed, cuffing Juudai quickly, "I am Detective Conan, and you both are under arrest for grand larceny, illegal world-hopping, illegal use of the ESB transportation system, and fraud for your fake IDs! I suggest you find a good lawyer, because you're going down, punks!" Juudai groaned, as he couldn't move because Detective Conan was still sitting on him, and Ryuuzaki blinked. How the hell did Detective Conan know where he was!?

 

"Who the hell sent you!?" he asked in exasperation, "I had this case in the bag!" Conan snorted as he looked over at Ryuuzaki again.

 

"According to L, you practically begged him to solve this case for you!" Conan retorted smugly, "So, he called a few of us in to help you. Let me tell you, borrowing the Batmobile took a hell of a lot of money, too, but we're lucky the mafia decided to help us out this time. Seems like everyone has a grudge against illegal use of the ESB resources." Ryuuzaki snorted. That wasn't overly surprising; the ESB was the only way to visit other worlds, and the Espers charged outrageous prices for just one use. He smirked.

 

"I can see why. So, how many of you were involved?" he asked, as another detective from another world cuffed Sho this time. Conan snorted, and stood up, climbing off of Juudai and pointing behind Ryuuzaki, where the Batmobile indeed sat. There, six other people sat in the car. Ryuuzaki recognized them all from their brief meeting in the police academy.

 

"There's myself, Fuse from IRPO, Aya Brae from NYPD, a newer detective from another world, Officer Jenny, and a few guys down near NPA and their little messed up world," Conan replied, "Oh, and Miles Edgeworth might be there, too, but he hates helping us out." Ryuuzaki grinned, and gave Conan a high-five as the detective behind them pushed Juudai and Sho into the Batmobile, as he himself hopped into the front seat. He motioned for Conan to join, too. Conan nodded, and turned back to Ryuuzaki.

 

"Well, my fellow detective, it was most awesome to work with you and get this case done," Ryuuzaki said confidently, as he added, "Even though I could've done this myself if L hadn't butted in." Despite the fact that Conan knew how the turn of events actually went, he simply smiled. Ryuuzaki was absolutely stubborn sometimes.

 

"Likewise, it's always good to see how different branches of the Detective Academy is doing. I'm going to trust DCPD is doing fine with you here," Conan replied, adjusting his glasses, "ESB placed a few concerns, but most of them were about codes of conduct and an unorthodox way of interrogating suspects." Ryuuzaki snorted.

 

"Bah! Who listens to codes of conduct anymore!?" he asked, grinning, "Domino City is lucky to have a cop as dedicated and awesome as myself. If ESB wants to make an official complaint, they can bring it up with the mayor!" Conan laughed, and with another goodbye, wandered back into the Batmobile, where it fly into the air, and then was off. Ryuuzaki watched it leave, and then turned around. He still had to get to Kaiba Corp and claim his reward, but just as he stepped forward, Kaiba's limousine pulled up, and angrily, the CEO stormed out of it. Ryuuzaki waved and said, "Ah, Kaiba, my good man! I was just about to talk about my reward!"

 

"Reward? REWARD!? Don't make me laugh at you," Kaiba said angrily, "I get over seven phone calls from the people I hate the most telling me you harassed them all in my name! You really expect me to pay you for interrupting my work schedule!? Guess again, Detective Really-Sloppy." Ryuuzaki blinked. He couldn't see how he managed to get so many harassment charges; after all, he was just doing his job, and in his mind, he did it the right way. He frowned.

 

"So, does this mean no reward?" he asked. Kaiba's eye twitched as an odd grin froze on his face.

 

"Here's a reward: Get out of my sight and I won't vector you with my car," Kaiba said, "NOW!" Ryuuzaki sighed, shrugging. Clients were always this way whenever he finished a private investigation like that. But, that was another story for another time. He decided to heed Kaiba's advice, and gave the thumbs-up as he walked away from the enraged man.

 

"Whatever, compadre. Your thanks is all I need," he replied. Kaiba blinked, and then frowned at that statement.

 

"My... thanks? But I never... I said..." Kaiba growled angrily, "I NEVER MEANT TO THANK YOU! YOU'RE THE WORST DETECTIVE EVER!" But, if he intended to insult Ryuuzaki, the dinosaur duelist paid no attention as he continued down the road.

 

"That might be, but I am a detective nonetheless," Ryuuzaki replied, his voice fading as he continued down the road, "Detective Dinosaur Ryuuzaki at your service!" Then, he was gone, off into the sunset that hung over Domino City. Where he went wasn't known, but he would be back... he would solve every case he could, whether anyone wanted him to or not, regardless of whatever duel he might need to attend to. For, in his mind, Dinosaur Ryuuzaki was an officer of the law as well as a duelist.

 

---------------------------------------(End Chapter)

 

And so, it looks like Dinosaur Ryuuzaki solved a terrifyingly simple case with the help of various cameos in other anime and video games! Of course, considering what he had to work with, I think it turned out well. I've always been able to see Ryuuzaki as something more than a duelist, and I just feel so bad, because no one appears to like him much. So, I decided to make a one-shot featuring what I felt he would be best at: a hysterically bumbling detective who can barely understand the basics of detective work. So, I hope you enjoyed reading my demented version of what Ryuuzaki should be, and what Domino would be like if all forms of anime were connected in some way! So, click that Review button and share your thoughts!