Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Do What You Have To Do ❯ Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Oh, go away.

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-Chapter Five-

Father's still gaping at us. Actually, so are all of the Miyakis.

And I'm beginning to lose my grip. (Hey, he's not that much bigger than me, okay?) So I shimmy up his back as best as I can and latch my hands around his shoulders. Yami makes this odd sort of strangled noise and twitches. I frown against his neck and shift my grip, wrapping my legs around his waist. There! That's better!

...googly-eyed fathers, however, are not. ...say, are his eyes supposed to be that big? How do they fit in his face?

Yami twitches again. Stupid jerk. /Will you stop fidgeting? I'm gonna fall!/

"Hikari..." he purrs aloud, and okay, yeah, he always sounds like sin, but now he sounds... yummy. Like triple chocolate cake decandance-type yummy. Like Mai Kujaku does when she flirts. Like... like... Golden Grahams and other such yummy things.

"...y-yeah?" Oh sweet Ra. I'm stuttering. Greeeeeeeat. Big manly Ryou decides to be a nancy-boy and now he can't even talk right. This is beyond pathetic. How the mostly-decent-relatively-harmless-except-not-really have fallen...

"Do you... want me to fuck you in public?"

Gyah!!

Needless to say, I have fallen flailing off of my yami and landed on my ass. Incidentally, I have turned a shade of red previously unknown to mankind.

...oh Ra, I think I squeaked again. Gods, how humiliating!

And it's all... his fault!

I peek between my fingers to catch a glimpse of my surroundings. Where can I make my escape? Yami's not being of any help either, he's just holding his sides because he's laughing so hard, shaking his head hard enough that his pale locks go flying.

/And you! You shut up! I can't believe you...! You! You pervert!/

Mrs. Miyaki has leapt to her feet (all right, all ready, so I'm peeking through my fingers, who cares?) and is stalking towards my poor, defenseless, completely loony yami.

...is she thinking what I think she's thinking?

The evil one makes a sound vaguely reminiscent of a yowl and lunges for my yami's throat.

Yami might be spastic and sociopathic - but he's not stupid.

And Hazumi must be brighter than she seems, because one pale little arm darts out and halts the rampaging rhino's advance. ...I've never seen a grown woman pant like that before, and I hope to all the gods that I never do again. I'm gonna need therapy after this, I swear I will. All that heaving flora and pinkness and... just ugh!

//...now what's this then?//

This?

This is the rather portly form of Mr. Miyaki yelping and diving to the floor with both meaty hands clapped over his head.

...which is perfectly understandable, seeing as how my yami has just chucked a chair at his head.

Yami just blinks sweetly at me - a movement that is profoundly disturbing. Sweet + my yami = Screaming Ryou with frying pan chasing down said idiot yami for killing someone he shouldn't have - again.

Must. Kill. Yami.

!!

...forget previous plan of action. Must keep my yami alive. Very, very, very alive. Yes. Alive yami good. Mmm. Alive yami kissing me even better. Yessum. Yep.

Thunk.

A strangled squak. I think a Miyaki may now be missing a body part... perhaps a vital organ, probably some ridiculously expensive piece of jewelry. (Yami likes shiny things. Especially if they're pointy, with sharp edges. I suspect this is half of the reason he wants the Millennium Items so badly.)

"Yami..." I gasp breathlessly, "Yami, off, what the hell did you do?"

He seems to consider this before deciding to... kiss me again.

...okay, I can deal with that, yes siree, I can handle this one juuuuuuust fine.

Hey! Ow!

I think my father just threw a lamp at us!

I peek over my yami's shoulder. My yami is rubbing his head and scowling in that "I will devour your soul!" fashion he finds so very becoming.

Thunk.

...it's okay, father, I'll still feel a twinge of lukewarm affection for you even if you are bald. "He's very good with a dagger!" I chirp happily, trying to make father dear realize that having a yami with homicidal tendencies is A Good Thing, especially where other psychopaths are concerned. The insanity negates the other insanity. Or something like that, anyway. He kills people who try to kill me? That sounds better, doesn't it?

"...I... can see that," father squeaks. He can do falsetto?

"So... you see why we can't marry Ms. Miyaki?" I try cautiously.

Hazumi, abruptly finding herself in the spotlight, tries to scootch discreetly away. This... doesn't work. At all. In fact, it brings her even more attention. This could be likened to running up to Yugi's yami, going "Neener neener!" then yelling "Your aibou's a weakling shrimp!" before not running like hell.

Can we say "Ooh, lookit da purty explosions?"

Anyone?

Right. That's what I thought.

...oi! /Ack! No! Yami! Bad! Put away that knife!/

//But I like my knife...//

"PUT IT AWAY!"

"..."

"...I bet he couldn't do anything with it anyway," the Lucifer-spawn mumbles to her husband, and Yami pulls one of those slip-sliding switches into "I EAT BABIES!" mode.

Mrs. Miyaki turns several shades paler. She looks rather like a fish. Or a beached whale. But, you know, whatever, right?

"Well," Yami purrs pleasantly, eyes sparkling with delight, "I could slice open your throat and watch you drown in your own blood. That would be fun."

I smack his arm, ignoring the fact that Hazumi has just discreetly emptied the contents of her stomach into a rather nice vase that had been lying by her side. I liked that vase. ...note the use of the past tense when referring to this accessory.

"That's not nice," I admonish him, tapping his pretty nose. He just makes a face at me.

"And I care because...?"

Beepity beep beep beep!

Yami and I are, again, left blinking at each other.

"..hello? Emergency services? We have a situation here! Send help! Quickly!" Mr. Miyaki's babbling into his cell phone while the daughter of Satan clings like a limpet to his arm.

Father is hiding his face in his hands and mumbling what sounds like a prayer. ...oh dear. I'm afraid if he doesn't move, his coat is going to catch on fire.

/Don't you say it!/

Yami snickers. //Mortal barbecue.//

"Shut up, bastard."

Yami just smirks and nuzzles his lips against my throat. "Flirt," he accuses, nipping at my jaw playfully. Note to self: insulting Yami turns him on. Must remember this. Very much so remember this.

"Yes, at 322! Please help, there's a sadistic maniac on the loose!"

Blink.

Blink.

Yami raises a curious finger and taps it against his chest.

/...it's not like he's talking about me, you know./

Mr. Miyaki hangs up the phone with a grin of triumph that quickly turns to a look of "Ack-help-I-want-my-mommy!" when he meets my yami's unblinking stare.

"...hikari?"

"Nani?"

"I'm going to go unplug his bowels."

Eww!

Yami pats my butt affectionately and pulls out his Sharp Pointy Thing, humming happily as he bounces over random piles of debris, headed towards a very pale-loooking cluster of mortals.

In the distance, faint sirens wail.

Father sobs.

The Miyakis cower.

I just stand here with an idiotic look on my face.

Well... fuck.

* * *
-TBC-

AN: Yeah. You love me.

Feedback: mjalta@yahoo.com

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