Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Don't Let Yami Pick up the Phone ❯ British! ( Chapter 4 )

:: Kitzaku-san ::

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Gi Oh... still. But I got some cool stickers and 6 T-shirts! And this time.. I don't own Ricky Martin either. O.o

Authoress Note: Thanks GSYH for the NC insight because I am in the process of writing a Jou/Seto lemon. Interestingly enough it's called The Real Meaning of Health Class So yeah, it'll be really interesting.

Jou: -grabs Listerine from Blue Lagoon Loon and chugs it-

Yami Muse: o.o; What, does he have cooties or something?

Yugi Muse: XD Malik's got flaming cooties.

Malik Muse: HEY!

Anyway thanks for all the reviews everyone. 56! ^.^ It's my best story yet! Then again... when I see all those other stories with 100+ I feel stupid, but I'm still quite content with what I've got!

:: Don't Let Yami Pick up the Phone ::

Because a week later, he'll get kicked out of Seto's car

Today was the day. The day of the festival that Jou stupidly and absentmindedly (though he thought it was for the better) agreed to go to with Malik Ishtar, the crazed Egyptian with the world's oddest yet psychotic crush on the poor boy, to the Summer Festival. Malik however, was very, very, very oblivious to the fact that Jou despised his every movement. Though, on occasion, something may happen that made Jou the tiniest bit happy that Malik stalked him. Like, for one thing: his house was much cleaner.

But hadn't Yami mentioned Malik having a Yami? Didn't Jou already know something like that? Surprisingly enough, he never showed himself. And usually yami's hung out with hikari's, but the world was ending today anyway, so it must not have mattered.

Malik walked by Jou's bedroom and stopped, grinning. "Smell my cologne. I smell goooood."

Jou didn't need to take another step because he could already in fact smell Malik's cologne. And it was way too strong. "What the hell are you trying to do? Kill everyone who comes close to you?"

"You haven't died yet." Was all Malik said before Jou's choice of clothing distracted him. "Oh my! You're not wearing that to the festival are you?"

"Why? I wear this everyday." And indeed, it was that green jacket, white shirt and jeans.

Malik shook his head violently. "No no no! You have to wear something nice. Come, I'll let you borrow something of mine."

Jou imagined himself in Malik's tight and very flaming clothes. Then he imagined parading down the street in them, belly button practically fluttering in the wind, that was, if bellybuttons could flutter. He cringed. "I would not be caught DEAD wearing something like that." (Much to the dismay of Jou's fangirls who might actually like to see him with a fluttering bellybutton). But Jou should have learned something a long time ago about Malik.

He doesn't give up.

After biting, clawing, kicking punching and yelling bloody murder, Jou stood in all his glory in Malik's tight clothing.

"I'm going to flame myself." Jou grumbled.

"You look so cute!" Malik tapped his cheek. "But something's missing."

"A shirt that fits?"

"No..."

"Pants that don't give me a wedgie?"

"That's it!" Malik ignored that comment, snapped and disappeared. Jou struggled in the tight clothing, trying to free himself, but if you've ever tried getting out of a full spandex suit when it's as tight as it will go and no hope for a zipper... well that's just how Jou felt. He managed to get absolutely nothing off by the time Malik came back. The Egyptian was holding up two bracelets. "Now we're bracelet buddies!"

Jou coughed, nearly choked, and was disappointed when he didn't. "Bracelets?"

Malik nodded and seized Jou's arm, clamping the tight bracelet down. "There! Now we can go!"

"I can hardly contain my excitement..."

--

"Well Seto, ready to go?"

"Yeah, yeah... and don't call me Seto." Seto threw on his trench coat and walked out his door to where Yami was standing in front of Seto's limo. They weren't dressed up in anything particular. Yami was in his usual leather and buckles, Seto clad in... Jeans and a trench coat.

So, while Yami whistled his merry little tune the whole way to the Summer Festival, Seto contemplated his plan over and over in his mind. Though, he did take the occasional break to count to ten in order not to completely strangle Yami. They were sitting on the opposite sides of the limo, far from each other as possible, and as anyone can guess, still managed to quarrel.

"Stop whistling, damn it! I'm trying to devise a plan to overthrow you!"

"Well, I'm bored!"

"Go be bored somewhere else! It's my limo!"

Yami couldn't think of a good comeback for this and in moments, he was booted out the door. The Pharaoh stuck out his middle finger at the back of the limo. "I'll tell the world about you and Jou!"

"See if I care!" Seto hollered from the window, laughing maniacally. Yami pouted and kicked a stray soda can on the ground.

"Stupid Seto...." then after a moment's silence. "Oh well! I'll still go to the festival to see Maliky-poo!" So he skipped off into the distance.

--

Kitzaku-san's Yami Muse stopped baking his R&R Apple Pies for a moment and turned around, apron flailing about him. "You can't just kick me out of Seto's car like that! I'm your favorite character!"

"So?" Kitzaku-san shrugged. "Malik made me do it." She pointed to her Malik Muse who was sitting quite contently beside her on the floor eating a Popsicle. He noted Yami's glare and waved.

"Jou and I are going to the festival together and you got no one!"

Kitzaku-san's Yami Muse looked as if he was about to cry, but instead counted to ten and went back to baking, uttering curses.

And to top if off, Yugi streaked by with memos falling behind him.

--

Now that we're on with the story... a short time lapse had been taken and Malik and Jou had made it to the fairground about 15 minutes later than Seto had due to the fact that:They walked, and Seto drove. Malik took forever to get ready whereas, Seto and Yami just... left

And C) It was very hard for Jou to walk in those pants...

"God, I feel like Ricky Martin." Jou grumbled, trying as hard as he might to pick the wedgie that was forming in his backside, but the pants he wore were to slick and he couldn't get a good grip.

"I'll get that for you!" Malik smiled.

Jou lurched to the side like lightning. "NO! I mean... that's... quite alright Malik..."

"Suit yourself." Malik shrugged, but his face suddenly turned into a huge grin. "Hey Jou-kun... loooook." And he pointed behind the blonde boy, causing him to whip around.

"Seto!"

But it... wasn't Seto. It was someone that had only been mentioned in this story thus far and hadn't even appeared yet. That is, until now.

Both Yugi and Ryou were standing there, sharing a huge giant enormous and very redundant wad of cotton candy. Yugi waved innocently. "Hi Jou! I like your bracelet!"

Jou growled, and attempted to hide his hand, but Malik grabbed it and hauled the owner over to the other couple. Malik was grinning wide. "Jou's my date today!"

"I know." Yugi stuffed a chunk of cotton candy in his mouth. "Yami told me."

"oh..." Malik paused for a moment and then. "We saw the Phantom of the Opera!"

Jou did actually manage to choke this time, and he was disappointed when it didn't kill him. "We did not!"

But they ignored him. Yugi clapped happily. "That's so great!" Jou rolled his eyes. He was still clueless as to how Yugi could be so innocent when he'd obviously seen Phantom of the Opera many times before and therefore have no more innocence to speak of.

Ryou hadn't said anything yet. And as a matter of fact, he didn't look very happy to see Malik. It might have been because his Yami still had that knack for reading diaries. Or if someone didn't have a diary to read, he'd probe into their souls, and make a diary himself. And then of course read it. It was his favorite hobby and it just about pissed everyone off. So perhaps, Yami Bakura had pulled that stunt on him.

No sooner had Jou opened his mouth to say something, though he didn't know what he would say, as long as it was something, someone else had already beat him to it.

"Something."

Jou whirled around again, and his eyes widened. "What?"

"Oh." Seto, who undoubtedly had been the owner of the voice coughed. "I meant to say 'Nice bracelet' but that apparently didn't happen."

Once the shock, or at least semi-shock in that case had passed, Jou was about to glomp Seto. But instead, the multi-billionaire held out his index finger and planted it right on Jou's forehead to stop him. "Not yet, schnauzer."

Malik, who is probably one of the most oblivious people in the world (or at least in this fic) hadn't really considered the fact that this was Seto he was talking to grinned wide. All he thought about was how he complimented the bracelet. "Do you really like them?"

"No."

"Oh..." Malik's bottom lip trembled slightly. "Well in that case... Jou and I will be leaving." He took a hold of Jou's arm again.

Jou looked furiously at Seto. "Is now a good time?"

"No."

And helplessly, Jounouchi was hauled to the funhouse with a sulking Malik. The Egyptian was muttering non-coherent things to himself. "Stupid billionaire. Thinks he knows everything. Well I'll show him. I'll show him that my bracelet is King. Then he'll feel sorry..."

"Malik?" Jou raised an eyebrow. "Are you alright?"

Malik snapped from his depressed, but still rather angry phase and suddenly pounced into a cheerful and very hopeful phase. "You mean, you're concerned for me?"

"No."

Back to the depressing phase.

The funhouse would have been fun, Jou thought. If one was drunk. Otherwise it was just a house. With lights. And perhaps a ceiling fan. The word fun was painted everywhere, but it didn't hide the fact that it was an obvious attempt at being cheap. So therefore Jou hated it.

But Malik loved it. He said the colors matched quite well with his outfit. Jou personally thought that if anything matched with his outfit, it was a very anorexic seal. But perhaps that was beside the point.

They came out of the funhouse, and Malik was feeling so much better. Which was a good thing because he'd let go of Jou's arm and his skin cells could breathe again. No sooner had his freedom been granted, did he fall to the ground again with someone rather leathery on top of him. Not to mention a very spiky lock of hair was lodged in his back.

Spiky hair + leather = Yami Yugi.

"Off!"

And he was off. Yami rubbed his backside, even if he fell on his front side so there wasn't a point to rubbing his backside, but merely for the fact that it was there to rub. "Hey there, Jounouchi. What's up?"

"What's up? I'll tell you what's up!" Jou rose to his feet for a moment and sighed. "I take that back, I'll tell you once I think of it. Right now I need to find Seto. Ah! There he is!" And Jou ran off to leave Malik and Yami blinking to themselves.

"Jou's been acting rather odd lately." Malik observed. "He appears to be speaking with a lot of sarcasm."

"Seto is too. Malik, you don't suppose we're mad, do you?"

"Mad? How could I think such a thing?"

"Yeah, you're right."

"Well, I do suppose we could be a little mad."

"How so?"

"We're speaking with British accents."

"Why, so we are! Must have taken a bloody hit to the head when I ran into Jounouchi."

"Do you want to go see why Seto and Jou are making out over there?"

"Ah, seems logical." Yami shrugged and indeed looked over to see Jou and Seto fairing quite nicely. Though they looked as if they needed a better place to go because wasn't right in front of a ticket booth far too public?

Exactly.

TBC!

Ending Notes: -grins- Ok... this was one of those chapters you read with a British accent. Otherwise it's not that funny, I suppose.

Yami Muse: Where's the suspense? The drama? The action?

Malik Muse: Suspense= what happened to the cotton candy. Drama= Jou's pants and Action= You getting kicked out of Seto's car.

Yami Muse: I have the strangest feeling you helped write this the most.

Malik Muse: Gee, how could you tell?

Yami Muse: -slaps down the R&R Apple pies he was making earlier- There you are, folks.

Yugi Muse: Hey! I'm the humor muse here! Not Malik! T.T