Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Flaming Squirrels ❯ Flaming Squirrels ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Ryou_Lover_4325 
What happens when Marik and Bakura get drunk, and how does it affect their hikaris? Read this and you'll find out!
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 06.25.2006 | Pages: 8 | Words: 6.0K | Visits: 589 | Status: Completed
What happens when Marik and Bakura get drunk, and how does it affect their hikaris? Read this and you'll find out!
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 06.25.2006 | Pages: 8 | Words: 6.0K | Visits: 589 | Status: Completed
Emmy: Hey guys! I wrote another silly/stupid story! It's basically about how Bakura and Marik get drunk and how it affects Ryou and Malik. (giggles)
Raven: That's weird…even for you.
Emmy: Hey! It's probably not my best but it's supposed to be a funny/weird thing.
Bakura: Shh! Not so loud! My freaken head hurts…
Ryou: So dose mine…
Emmy: (laughs) Mental link got you down? I'm sure the hang over will go away soon…
Raven: (hands pills) Here, these will help.
Ryou: I think I'm gonna be sick…all because you had to go on a drinking binge!
Bakura: I need quiet! Besides, Emmy needed inspiration…
Emmy: Thank you Bakura. Ryou and you are my muses!
Raven: Although (sigh) “Emmy dose not own Yu-gi-oh or any other things from the T.V. show.”
Emmy: You've been practicing!
Raven: She also doesn't own Monty Python, I Love Lucy, or the Wizard of Oz. Just get on with the stupid story!
Flaming Squirrel
“Another round, on me!” Marik announced, causing the other man in the bar to raise his glass. The morning was going swell, he and his good friend Bakura had come for the beer but had, well they'd stayed for the beer as well!
“Here you go oh good friend of mine!” Marik said, sliding a frothy mug of rum to Bakura. Bakura grabbed the handle and took a great gulp.
“Keep `um comin Marik, I'm gonna break my old record of 10 glasses!” Bakura cried, thrusting his fist into the air.
Marik grinned and took a gulp of his own frosty mug. “Ahhhh, still not as good as the rum from home,” he commented, not really caring that beer was trickling onto his pants.
“Defiantly not but hey, after the first five I lost my sense of taste!” Bakura and Marik began to laugh uncontrollably. When Bakura finally got control he gulped down the last of the glass.
“Waiter, another frosty one!” Marik called. “How many have you had?” he asked. Bakura counted on his fingers, which was hard since a few kept disappearing.
“Seven!” he announced! Marik flashed a wicked grin before swallowing the rest of his glass.
Marik grinned. “I could drink twenty of these if I wanted too. What we need is some real beer!”
Bakura gave his friend a mischievous smile. “Do you mean you have-?”
“Yup!” Marik replied, taking a red bottle from his coat.
“That's what I'm talking about! Nothing beats a good ol' Flaming Squirrel!” Bakura cried as Marik popped off the cork. He waited as Marik poured them each half a glass.
“Cheers!” Bakura said as he and Marik clinked their mugs together and gulped the whole mug down in one swallow.
As soon as Marik set his mug on the counter he began to sway. “Hello pretty lady…” he mumbled as he feel forward onto the table. Bakura laughed at his drunken friend.
It was a few seconds before he himself felt the world spinning and landed face first into a bowl of peanuts.
XXXXXXXX
“Uh, Ryou, you ok?” Yugi asked his usually shy friend. Ryou had been acting weird ever since they had entered the game shop.
“Oh, sure, I'm fine, I'm dandy in fact!” Ryou said, happily. He gave a high pitch giggle. Joey and Yugi gave each other a look. The whole gang was meeting in the game shop today and Ryou, Joey, and Serenity had been the first two to arrive.
When Ryou turned to stare at a shiny magazine through dazed eyes Yugi asked, “Is he drunk?” Joey shrugged.
“We'll know if he passes out,” was his reply. Yugi sweat dropped.
Suddenly Ryou looked strangely at Yugi. “You know you're hair looks weird. It's all multi colored and star shaped. I mean, come on, are you blind or stupid? It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen!” Yugi was surprised.
“Hey, shut your trap Ryou!” Joey said sternly. Yugi put a hand on Joey's arm.
“It's ok Joey,” he said, although he was quite offended. Ryou turned to Joey.
“Oh wait, that's right, you're the stupid one! Either that or you're the dog, but you don't look furry to me…” Ryou scratched his head in confusion.
“What'd you say?” Joey asked, grabbing Ryou's neck collar.
“Joey put him down!” Yugi and Serenity cried. Joey gave Ryou a glare before letting go. Ryou frowned at them. “This place is boring,” he pouted. “Let's go somewhere else.”
“But Ryou, everybody was told to meet here. Then we're going to go to the arcade and other places,” Yugi explained.
Ryou looked down at the young boy and poked at his hair. “How much gel do you have to buy everyday? Like, ten bottles or something? The bloody shape never changes,” he slurred, poking the small one's spike. Yugi, once again was surprised and Joey was losing his cool.
“That's it Ryou! Have you been drinking or somthin'?” Joey asked. Ryou frowned.
“Drinking? All I've drunken today was some water, and a bowl of cereal. Although you know my darkness drinks all the time. Bakura is always drinking at home, when he's not screaming, or yelling, or cussing, or hitting-,”
Suddenly the door to the shop opened and Tea walked in. “Hey guys,” she said, waving.
“Hey, you're that friendly girl!” Ryou cried. “You know how annoying you are? Friendship this, friendship that! Besides you're always happy! Who's happy all the time? Life isn't happy! Life sucks and then you die!” he cried.
Tea sweat dropped, totally shocked. Yugi, Serenity and Joey were silent as well.
“Tea, there's something a bit off with Ryou today, he's acting kinda-,” Suddenly Tea burst into tears. Serenity went to her side and patted her shoulder. She sobbed for a while until Tristan came in.
“Hey guys-whoa! Tea what's the matter?” he asked. This was when Tea glared up at Ryou.
“How DARE you insult me like that!” she cried, lunging at the boy. Suddenly Tea and the tipsy boy were on the floor, Ryou trying to block her blows.
“Get the bloody octopus off me!” Ryou cried, causing Tea to pound harder. “Wow, I didn't know Tea liked Ryou that way,” Tristan teased. “You're already all over him?”
Tea stopped her Ryou pounding to glare at Tristan.
“WHAT?!” she cried, jumping onto him. Yugi went over to help Ryou up.
“I'm outta here!” he cried, running out the door. Instead of his friends now Ryou saw, a dog, an angry octopus, a chocolate ice cream cone, an angel and a weird boy with star shaped hair.
“Ryou come back!” Yugi called. “Who knows what kind of trouble he'll get into!”
“Tea, please stop hurting Tristan!” Serenity pleaded. Tea stopped but still glared at Tristan.
“T-Tea I was only joking, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings,” Tristan explained, sweat dropping. Tea got up and burst into tears once more.
“What's going on?” Yami asked as he entered the room.
“Well, Ryou was acting strange, then he insulted Tea, she attacked him, then Tristan insulted her so she attacked him and Ryou ran away yelling something about octopuses,” Serenity replied, as if this happened every other day.
“Hmm, maybe we should call Bakura and see what he's up to,” Yami replied as he stared at the sobbing Tea.
Ding! Isis walked into the shop, Malik right behind her.
“Oh, hey look! It's the pretty girl!” Malik cried, running over to Tea. She looked at him in surprise before he grabbed her arms and began to kiss her. Everyone sweat dropped.
“What's with Malik?” Yami asked. The two were still kissing.
Isis gave an annoyed sigh. “Idiots! Getting drunk, before noon even!” she cried.
“So Malik and Ryou are drunk?” Serenity asked.
Isis shook her head. “No, Bakura and Marik are back at my house acting like idiots. They just walked into my house and began talking some nonsense about how squirrels were after them. I finally got them to sit down and watch I Love Lucy. That gave me a chance to tie them to their chairs.”
“But if Bakura and Marik were the ones drinking why are Malik and Ryou acting drunk?” Tea asked, letting an unconscious Malik fall to the floor.
“Mental link,” Isis replied, kicking Malik slightly. He woke with a start.
“Hey, where'd all that chocolate go?” he asked, slurring his words. Isis shook her head in embarrassment.
“We need to find Ryou so I can keep them all under close watch. I didn't think Marik could be so stupid. Getting drunk, stupid, getting drunk in the morning, stupider, getting drunk be drinking half a glass of Flaming Squirrel, IDIOTIC!” she cried, glaring at no one in particular.
“HALF A GLASS FLAMMING SQUIRREL!” Yami cried in shock. Isis nodded. “But Flaming Squirrel is-is REALLY strong. What were they thinking!” Now Yami was glaring as well.
“I know! Now, we must wait for Ryou to show up and then I'll take them back to my place,” Isis said. Serenity gasped and everyone turned to star at her.
“Ryou ran away! He's out there-in the city-DRUNK!” Serenity exclaimed
“WHAT!” Isis cried. “This is awful, dreadful, horrible! Oh, it sucks!” she shrieked. “We have to do something! Tristan and Serenity, you go look down town, Yami and I will look up town, and Yugi and Tea can look in the west and east parts of town. He couldn't have gotten too far-,”
“Oh shut up! Guess what Isis, nobody cares! You just yak constantly! “Blah, blah, don't do this, blah, blah, don't eat that! Blah, blah, everybody listen to me!” Malik said, his face with about an inch from Isis's.
Isis glared at him then smiled wickedly. “Oh look behind you, its a-FLAMING SQUIRREL!” Isis cried. Malik turned around and yelped.
“FLAMMING SQUIRREL!” he cried, running towards the door. Joey stopped him in time.
“What about me?” Joey asked.
“You'll stay here and take care of him,” Isis replied. Joey smirked.
“Piece of cake!” he replied.
“Cake? Where?” Malik asked, looking around. “WHERE”S THE CAKE?”
“We must hurry, who knows what kind of trouble Ryou's already gotten himself into?” Yami said as the gang left the shop.
“Alright, this will be easy. All I have to do is make sure Malik doesn't get into any trouble,” Joey said to himself. Then he looked around. Something wasn't right. He thought for a moment the cried:
“Where's Malik!” Joey ran around the shop, looking left and right but couldn't find Malik anywhere. “Wait!” he thought. “What if he's in Yugi's room?” Joey ran up the stairs just in time to see Malik stuff the card Reborn into his mouth.
“Malik, what are you doing? Is that Yugi's deck?” Joey cried. Malik looked at him.
“I found the cake!” he replied happily, taking another card from the pile next to him. Joey snatched it away and grabbed the other cards as well.
“No, this is not cake Malik,” Joey scolded. Malik pouted.
“I want cake!” he cried, pounding his fists into the bed. Joey sweat dropped. “Malik, there is no cake. Why don't you lay down or somthin',” Joey replied. It felt quite weird talking to Malik like he was a toddler.
“NO! I don't want to lay down! Plus I don't take orders from bananas!” he yelled, standing up and falling over again. Joey sweat dropped once more. As Malik got up he looked oddly at Joey and then gave an evil grin.
“CAKE!” he cried, pouncing on Joey.
“Get off of me! OW! What the heck are you doing?” Joey cried as Malik bit his arm.
“I found the cake!” Malik chirped. Joey continued to kick and scream as Malik tried to devour his arm.
Downstairs Yugi's grandfather was oblivious to the fighting for he was not wearing his hearing aid. Instead he was trying to make a castle out of dueling cards.
XXXXXXXXX
Ryou walked down the sidewalk, quit happy. He hadn't felt this happy in a long time. He felt light headed and as if all his problems would just melt away. Father who doesn't care, oh well. Bakura who wants to kill your friends, who cares?
Although he felt happy he wondered why the world around him had changed so much. If he had been thinking clearly at the time he probably would have been freaked out by all the changes. Everything was swirly and colorful, like some child's cartoon or a piece of 'modern art.'
Even though he felt happy it seemed his mood could slip at any moment which it did when he saw a little ball of red light. As it came closer to Ryou he realized it was a flaming Squirrel.
“RUN! The flaming squirrel is coming!” he cried as he ran down the street. Nobody seemed to care except Ryou so he grabbed the first person he saw, which happened to be a little flower with a smiley face and ran down the sidewalk screaming about the flaming squirrel. Unfortunately the little flower didn't want Ryou's help and it bit him. He dropped it with a yelp but continued to run.
XXXXXXXX
“Ryou?” Yami called.
“Ryou where are you?” Isis cried. Suddenly they heard a scream. Both quickly followed the noise until they found a woman, and a girl screaming. A few people had stopped to listen to what they were saying.
“Oh honey, I'm so glad you're ok!” the woman said, hugging the sobbing child tightly.
“What happened?” Isis asked.
“This white haired freak grabbed my daughter and carried her about three blocks before she was able to get away!” the woman cried. “He kept yelling something about flaming squirrels!”
Yami and Isis sweat dropped. “Which way did he go?” Yami asked. The woman pointed and the two set off.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Ryou came to rest by a giant building made of candy. The squirrel was no longer after him.
“Now what should I do?” Ryou asked himself.
“Oh I've got it, I can spy on Bakura through our mental link!” Ryou exclaimed, giggling.
#Bakura Thinking#
#I don't love Lucy#
#No Lucy don't do it!#
#Marik is so stupid! I hate Marik! Why did I ever think he was hot?#
#I wonder where the flaming squirrels are now…#
#Where's Ryou? Man I miss him. Life is boring without Ryou.#
#Ryou in a bikini…that'd be cool…#
#Stupid Marik, cola is better then applesauce!#
“Hey, I'll go get some cola!” Ryou cried, causing some passing leprechauns to stare. Ryou jogged down the side walk until he saw tons of giant lollypops.
“Wow! Lollypops, cookies, and COLA!” he cried, running over to a giant fountain with cola squirting from it. After finishing his drink he sat down on a giant dueling card and contacted Bakura again.
#Bakura?#
#Who's there!?#
#Silly, it's Ryou!#
#Ryou?...OH! Ryou! You're pretty Ryou! I keep picturing you in a bikini!#
#That's nice. I-#
Ryou looked up and saw hundreds of flaming squirrels sitting on the telephone posts.
“FLAMING SQUIRRELS!” he cried. He jumped up and quickly ran into the nearest building he saw.
#Ryou! Did you see the squirrels!#
#FLAMING SQUIRRELS!#
#Ryou!#
XXXXXXXXX
“Ok Malik, now lay down and don't move,” Joey ordered. Malik had finally passed out, giving Joey time to tie him to a chair and place him in front of the T.V.
“Have you seen my shoe?” Malik asked. Joey looked down.
“You have both of your shoes,” he replied. Malik looked down.
“Wow, would you look at that! Hey, ok, no I asked but he didn't see your shoe either,” Malik mumbled. Joey took a few steps back.
“OH NO! Ryou got attacked by the squirrels! He's gonna die! We need weapons, and cats! If Ryou dies I'll be all alone!” Malik cried, struggling to break free of his binds.
“I'm trapped! Help! The snake is working for the squirrels and it won't let me go!” Malik cried. Joey cocked his head.
“What are you talking about man?” he asked.
“Help me! I'm dieing! I c-can't b-breathe! L-losing sight…must…save…Ryou. Help! The-squirrels-will-get-him!” Malik cried, kicking and trying to pull free of the electric wire bind.
“Wait a minute, do you know where Ryou is?” Joey asked.
“I can't help, the snake is eating me! I love you to Marik!” Malik screamed. Joey came forward.
“Malik-.”
“Good bye cruel world!”
“Malik I-.”
“I'm sorry Ryou!”
“Malik I need-.”
“I never found the cake!”
Joey raised his fist into the air and slapped Malik across the face.
“Malik, calm down and tell me what the heck is going on. How do you know Ryou's in trouble?”
Malik stared at him for a moment then yelped. “That hurt! You're not a squirrel in disguise are you!” Joey sighed.
“Answer the question Malik!”
“What's the question?”
“How do you know Ryou is in trouble!” Joey screamed.
“I told you like a billion times already. Marik said that Bakura was talking to Ryou and Ryou saw the…” Malik looked around and dropped to a low whisper.
“…squirrels!”
Joey thought for a moment, well actually more like half an hour, trying to process the information that Malik had given to him.
“If Malik was communicating with Marik then they were…talking through their mind links! And if Bakura told Marik Ryou was in trouble then…um…that means…Ryou talked to Bakura through their mind link! That means…Bakura and Malik can find out where Ryou is!” Joey cried, clenching his fist into the victory pose.
Unfortunately once again Joey lost his prisoner. Joey stared at the empty chair to find the wires had been chewed through.
“Damn! I had to look after one lousy person for a few hours and now he's gone!” Joey cried. He searched through the store and Yugi's home till he found Yugi's grandfather watching T.V.
“Yo, Gramps, have you seen Malik lately?” Joey asked. Yugi's grandfather nodded.
“Right here,” he said gesturing to the boy beside him. Malik was sprawled out one the couch clutching his head.
“Malik? Why'd he come up here?” Joey asked.
“Well I came into my grandson's room to find you drooling and staring off into space and this boy chewing through my gameing wires. He was moaning and groaning about headaches and stomach aches. So I gave him some asprin and left you to your `thinking',” Yugi's grandfather replied.
Marik gave a moan. “No…more…squirrels…” he mumbled.
“Uh, well thanks Gramps. I think Malik's just having one heck of a hang over,” Joey replied.
“That's nice,” Yugi's grandfather replied. He had already turned his hearing aid off and had returned to his reading.
XXXXXXXX
(Because it took so long for Joey to come to his conclusion we have to go back in time a bit. Most of this is happening while Joey is `thinking'.)
“Ryou where are you?” Tea called.
Yugi and Tae were currently in the western part of town searching the park when Yugi heard part of another conversation.
“White haired freak-,”
“Hey, what white haired freak?” Yugi asked quickly.
A boy around the age of five looked at him.
“There was this weird man with white hair who was drinking out of the fountain and licking the trees. He was weird so we weren't allowed to play in the park anymore.”
“Licking trees?” Tae asked. “Which way did he go?”
“He ran off that way,” a small girl with a lollypop said. “I offered him my lolly but he told me it wasn't healthy to eat wild animals.”
Yugi and Tea sweat dropped and hurried off in the direction the girl had pointed to.
XXXXXXXX
Ryou curled into a ball, quite afraid of the world around him. It was as if his town was a giant oil painting that had gotten wet. Everything was swirling together in a dizzy pattern and Ryou couldn't tell if he was up or down. Eyes were staring at him from all around. Creatures with sharp teeth and pointy claws growled at him. It was when he saw the big orange ball heading for him did he run away.
“No! Help! The squirrels are after me!” he cried. The giant monsters around him swerved and jumped about. I few almost hit him. He ran through the gooey mess of the world, no idea of where he was.
XXXXXX
“Ryou where are you man?” Tristan called.
“Excuse me ma'am, we're looking for someone. He's got white hair and brown eyes and is a little strange. Have you seen him?” Serenity asked an old lady.
“Oh did you lose your dog little girl?” the woman asked.
“Um, no. Actually he's a teenager and he's my age,” Serenity replied, sweat dropping.
“Oh,” the lady replied, he sweet voice gone.
“Serenity over here!” Tristan called from up the street. Serenity ran towards him and gasped at what she saw.
Many cars had crashed into each other and were blocking up the whole street.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Some stupid teenager ran into the street!” a police officer told her.
“He didn't happen to have soft white hair, innocent brown eyes, and be wearing a blue jacket did he?” Tristan asked.
“Yes he did. Hey, do you know who he is?” the officer asked.
“No, never seen him before,” Tristan replied.
“Oh,” the officer went back to standing around doing nothing.
“Tristan, that man over there told me Ryou went this way!” Serenity called. The two broke into a run.
XXXXXXXX
Ryou had managed to escape the horrible monsters but was still very afraid. The sky was crimson, as was everything else. It reminded Ryou of blood. His happy feeling was gone. It was replaced by one of illness.
#Bakura help me! I think the squirrels have transported me to their secret hide out!#
#Ryou! You're alive! Thank god! I don't want to be alone!#
#Help me!#
#Don't worry Ryou! I'll save you! I'll-OH NO! The squirrels have got to Marik! He's vomiting all over! Oh Ryou he's dieing!#
#I don't want to die Bakura!#
#Don't worry, I'm coming Ryou!#
XXXXXXXX
Bakura began to gnaw at his binds.
“Must…save…Ryou…Must…defeat&# 8230;squirrels…Must…get…TUMS for Marik!”
Marik groaned and passed out, covered in his own vomit.
“Eww…gross…looks…like…he̷ 0;ate…cake…” Finally Bakura gave a tremendous chew and broke free of his binds. Heroic music starts to play.
“Freedom! Sweet victory! Now, I'm off to see the wizard-I mean save Ryou-then see the wizard about getting some cake and maybe some air fresheners because Marik really stinks and I can barely breathe!” He cried. Bakura took a step forward and slipped in Marik's vomit, causing him to land on top of the other spirit. Heroic music stops abruptly.
“No! Can't-breathe! Too…stinky…”
XXXXXXXX
#Bakura! Where are you!#
#...can't breathe…about…to…pass…out…#
Ryou began to rock in his fetal position once again. He continued to rock until five minutes passed and at that point he was extremely bored so he thought about going to play a game of tennis but remembered he didn't know how to play so instead he went for ice cream but couldn't find the parlor so continued to rock once more until-
(I'm extremely sorry to interrupt this story but I must tell you the previous author who has written the previous work has just been sacked for being too boring. Thank you.)
Now where were we? Oh yes, back to Ryou! Now that cute little hunk was so scared. He's actually quite cute when he's scared. You know he's cute anyway but he's scared face is really cute. And his nice face but who couldn't resist his nice face. God I think he's cute. Especially in a bikini-
(I am sorry to interrupt again but the person responsible for the sacking of the previous author has just been sacked for picking a fan girl to author. The fan girl has also been sacked and now the authoress who we found locked in a closet will take over.)
XXXXXXXXX
Bakura opened his eyes and jumped back in surprise.
“Ew I was touching Marik! Now I've got his smell on me! I should probably go take a shower-wait! Ryou! I must save Ryou!” Once again the heroic music begins to play. Bakura ran towards the door but because he was running hit it really hard and passed out again. The heroic music dies.
XXXXXXXXX
Somewhere on a very tall building a bald fat man stared at the world below.
“Good bye cruel world!” he called before jumping off the skyscraper.
XXXXXXXX
Ryou was trembling as he walked down the scary street. It was when he came to a big building with a giant snake mark on it that he stopped. Two black creatures carrying a big bag were pointing carrots at a few teddy bears.
“Poor teddy bears, some one should help them!” Ryou thought. Ryou marched right up to the first creature and crossed his arms.
“It's wrong to point carrots at people, those things can really do some damage. You could poke you're eye out!” Ryou told him. The creature growled and began to laugh. Ryou frowned and took the carrot from his hand.
“That's it!” he said. With one swipe he hit the monster on the head, causing it to melt away. The other one stared at its friend before running away. As he did he dropped the giant bag and a giant cookie fell onto it. Ryou was about to go take a bit but he noticed one of the teddy bears was on fire. Suddenly Ryou realized it was a squirrel in disguise!
“Squirrel!” he cried and ran off in the other direction.
XXXXXXXXXXX
“Where is he?” Isis asked. Yami and Isis were looking around when they heard sirens and quickly followed the sound to the local bank where a few men were standing out front.
“What happened here?” Yami asked.
“It was amazing!” a short man cried.
“This heroic teenager knocked out this bank robber and saved five million dollars! And because the money was dropped that large man over there lived from his attempted suicide!”
Isis and Yami looked at each other.
“Nah,” each of them said, shaking there heads.
“Ryou would never to that…”
XXXXXXXXX
Bakura opened his eyes once more and looked around.
“What the? Wasn't I supposed to be doing something? Hmm…oh well!” he said happily heading back for Marik.
“Marik I-OH MY RA! Ryou! Flaming squirrels! I must save him!” Bakura turned back around and fiddled with the door knob but it was locked.
“Curses,” he said. He looked around until he spotted a window. “Ah ha!” The spirit tried to unlock the window but it was shut as well.
“Hmm…wait! Isis keeps a key hidden in the kitchen!” Bakura cried, running into the Istar's kitchen. He quickly pulled out all the drawers and cabinets until he finally found the key in a special box that said “Spare Key” in bold print on the top.
“Now to save Ryou!” he cried, holding the key into the air. Silence. “Um, hello? Heroic music?” Bakura hissed.
(Oops! Sorry!)
Heroic music starts to play.
“As I was saying! Now to save Ryou!” Bakura did a heroic pose put dropped the spare key down the sink drain in the process.
“Crap!” Heroic music dies and is replaced by fake audience laughter.
“That's not funny!” Bakura cried. The laughter grows louder. “Stupid sound effect man…”
XXXXXXXX
Ryou sat down on the bench made of paper once more. His head was really hurting and he felt like he was going to hurl. What he wanted to do more then anything was pass out right then and there. Instead he hurled on a bush and sank back down onto another bench far away from the bush.
“Twinkle, twinkle little star…” he began to sing. He had started a record of 36 times singing in a row when a shadow fell over him. Ryou gasped and stood up.
“Get away from me you freak!” he cried.
“Ryou, it's me!” the creature cried. Ryou's eyes widened with fear as the strange star headed human before him began to draw closer.
“Ryou, we're here to help you…” he said calmly. Ryou shook his head.
“You're with the squirrels aren't you?” he asked, his wide eyes darting around, making sure they weren't about to ambush him.
“I'll need some help here,” the creature said. Suddenly something grabbed Ryou and he was fighting off some hairy monster.
“Help, the squirrels have got me!” he cried.
“Drink this!” someone ordered.
“No! I will not be transformed into one of your own kind!” Ryou shouted back. The very difficult process of two people trying to force Ryou to drink something went on for a few more moments as on lookers stopped to take pictures of what they thought was `live art.'
XXXXXXXX
#Help, the squirrels have got me!#
#Ryou, I'm on my way!#
Bakura took the expensive thousand dollar lamp and through it at the window but only managed to break the vase. So then he grabbed the very heavy, cheap, metal baseball bat instead and hacked a big hole in the window. And he hit the TV for good measure.
“Now to save Ryou!” Polka music begins to play. “What the heck? Where's the heroic music?”
(Sorry, I kind of used it as a Frisbee and broke it.)
“Turn it off! Can't…stand…the…sound!” as if hit on the head with a mallet Bakura passed out and fell to the floor. Polka music continues and little wooden figures begin to dance around in circles.
XXXXXXX
“Hey did you find Ryou?” Joey asked as Tea and Yugi walked in.
“We were close but no luck!” Tea replied.
“We were close as well but neither of us could find him,” Tristan added.
“How is Malik?”
“Oh, he's uh…in the bathroom…” Joey replied, sweat dropping.
Suddenly a ding echoed throughout the room and everyone turned to see Yami and Isis walk in with Ryou leaning on Yami. Heroic music plays.
(I fixed it. Don't tell Bakura.)
“We found him!” Yami announced. Ryou looked rather green and was mumbling something about squirrels.
“Oh this calls for a celebration!” Tea exclaimed as Malik walked in.
“Here, let's get some decorations and a cake!” Serenity added.
“Cake? Oh, Ra…” Malik held his mouth and ran upstairs once more.
“Malik, don't, it's my turn!” Ryou cried, running after the boy but only managing to knock over a magazine rack.
“Well, I guess this is a happy ending,” Tea said.
“How? Four people have got extreme hangovers and we just wasted our whole afternoon,” Tristan said.
“Yes, but everyone is safe. So, how about we all go out for pizza!” Isis cried. Everyone agreed.
“Grandpa, will you watch Malik and Ryou for us?” Yugi asked as they left. Of course his grandfather didn't hear him for he was busy meditating behind the counter.
Weird, Fancy, Scottish, Voice Person Who Talks In Fairy Tale Stories: And so the friends went out for pizza and there was much rejoicing. They spent the rest of their day playing Clue and watching I Love Lucy and Ryou and Malik learned never to let their yami's drink before noon ever again.
“Although, I think we might have forgotten something,” Isis said.
XXXXXXXXX
“Help…please…so…h ungry…but don't…know how…to cook…” Bakura groaned. Marik began to shriek in the other room about being sticky and Bakura watched the little wooden puppets dance the polka.
XXXX
Raven: That's weird…even for you.
Emmy: Hey! It's probably not my best but it's supposed to be a funny/weird thing.
Bakura: Shh! Not so loud! My freaken head hurts…
Ryou: So dose mine…
Emmy: (laughs) Mental link got you down? I'm sure the hang over will go away soon…
Raven: (hands pills) Here, these will help.
Ryou: I think I'm gonna be sick…all because you had to go on a drinking binge!
Bakura: I need quiet! Besides, Emmy needed inspiration…
Emmy: Thank you Bakura. Ryou and you are my muses!
Raven: Although (sigh) “Emmy dose not own Yu-gi-oh or any other things from the T.V. show.”
Emmy: You've been practicing!
Raven: She also doesn't own Monty Python, I Love Lucy, or the Wizard of Oz. Just get on with the stupid story!
Flaming Squirrel
“Another round, on me!” Marik announced, causing the other man in the bar to raise his glass. The morning was going swell, he and his good friend Bakura had come for the beer but had, well they'd stayed for the beer as well!
“Here you go oh good friend of mine!” Marik said, sliding a frothy mug of rum to Bakura. Bakura grabbed the handle and took a great gulp.
“Keep `um comin Marik, I'm gonna break my old record of 10 glasses!” Bakura cried, thrusting his fist into the air.
Marik grinned and took a gulp of his own frosty mug. “Ahhhh, still not as good as the rum from home,” he commented, not really caring that beer was trickling onto his pants.
“Defiantly not but hey, after the first five I lost my sense of taste!” Bakura and Marik began to laugh uncontrollably. When Bakura finally got control he gulped down the last of the glass.
“Waiter, another frosty one!” Marik called. “How many have you had?” he asked. Bakura counted on his fingers, which was hard since a few kept disappearing.
“Seven!” he announced! Marik flashed a wicked grin before swallowing the rest of his glass.
Marik grinned. “I could drink twenty of these if I wanted too. What we need is some real beer!”
Bakura gave his friend a mischievous smile. “Do you mean you have-?”
“Yup!” Marik replied, taking a red bottle from his coat.
“That's what I'm talking about! Nothing beats a good ol' Flaming Squirrel!” Bakura cried as Marik popped off the cork. He waited as Marik poured them each half a glass.
“Cheers!” Bakura said as he and Marik clinked their mugs together and gulped the whole mug down in one swallow.
As soon as Marik set his mug on the counter he began to sway. “Hello pretty lady…” he mumbled as he feel forward onto the table. Bakura laughed at his drunken friend.
It was a few seconds before he himself felt the world spinning and landed face first into a bowl of peanuts.
XXXXXXXX
“Uh, Ryou, you ok?” Yugi asked his usually shy friend. Ryou had been acting weird ever since they had entered the game shop.
“Oh, sure, I'm fine, I'm dandy in fact!” Ryou said, happily. He gave a high pitch giggle. Joey and Yugi gave each other a look. The whole gang was meeting in the game shop today and Ryou, Joey, and Serenity had been the first two to arrive.
When Ryou turned to stare at a shiny magazine through dazed eyes Yugi asked, “Is he drunk?” Joey shrugged.
“We'll know if he passes out,” was his reply. Yugi sweat dropped.
Suddenly Ryou looked strangely at Yugi. “You know you're hair looks weird. It's all multi colored and star shaped. I mean, come on, are you blind or stupid? It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen!” Yugi was surprised.
“Hey, shut your trap Ryou!” Joey said sternly. Yugi put a hand on Joey's arm.
“It's ok Joey,” he said, although he was quite offended. Ryou turned to Joey.
“Oh wait, that's right, you're the stupid one! Either that or you're the dog, but you don't look furry to me…” Ryou scratched his head in confusion.
“What'd you say?” Joey asked, grabbing Ryou's neck collar.
“Joey put him down!” Yugi and Serenity cried. Joey gave Ryou a glare before letting go. Ryou frowned at them. “This place is boring,” he pouted. “Let's go somewhere else.”
“But Ryou, everybody was told to meet here. Then we're going to go to the arcade and other places,” Yugi explained.
Ryou looked down at the young boy and poked at his hair. “How much gel do you have to buy everyday? Like, ten bottles or something? The bloody shape never changes,” he slurred, poking the small one's spike. Yugi, once again was surprised and Joey was losing his cool.
“That's it Ryou! Have you been drinking or somthin'?” Joey asked. Ryou frowned.
“Drinking? All I've drunken today was some water, and a bowl of cereal. Although you know my darkness drinks all the time. Bakura is always drinking at home, when he's not screaming, or yelling, or cussing, or hitting-,”
Suddenly the door to the shop opened and Tea walked in. “Hey guys,” she said, waving.
“Hey, you're that friendly girl!” Ryou cried. “You know how annoying you are? Friendship this, friendship that! Besides you're always happy! Who's happy all the time? Life isn't happy! Life sucks and then you die!” he cried.
Tea sweat dropped, totally shocked. Yugi, Serenity and Joey were silent as well.
“Tea, there's something a bit off with Ryou today, he's acting kinda-,” Suddenly Tea burst into tears. Serenity went to her side and patted her shoulder. She sobbed for a while until Tristan came in.
“Hey guys-whoa! Tea what's the matter?” he asked. This was when Tea glared up at Ryou.
“How DARE you insult me like that!” she cried, lunging at the boy. Suddenly Tea and the tipsy boy were on the floor, Ryou trying to block her blows.
“Get the bloody octopus off me!” Ryou cried, causing Tea to pound harder. “Wow, I didn't know Tea liked Ryou that way,” Tristan teased. “You're already all over him?”
Tea stopped her Ryou pounding to glare at Tristan.
“WHAT?!” she cried, jumping onto him. Yugi went over to help Ryou up.
“I'm outta here!” he cried, running out the door. Instead of his friends now Ryou saw, a dog, an angry octopus, a chocolate ice cream cone, an angel and a weird boy with star shaped hair.
“Ryou come back!” Yugi called. “Who knows what kind of trouble he'll get into!”
“Tea, please stop hurting Tristan!” Serenity pleaded. Tea stopped but still glared at Tristan.
“T-Tea I was only joking, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings,” Tristan explained, sweat dropping. Tea got up and burst into tears once more.
“What's going on?” Yami asked as he entered the room.
“Well, Ryou was acting strange, then he insulted Tea, she attacked him, then Tristan insulted her so she attacked him and Ryou ran away yelling something about octopuses,” Serenity replied, as if this happened every other day.
“Hmm, maybe we should call Bakura and see what he's up to,” Yami replied as he stared at the sobbing Tea.
Ding! Isis walked into the shop, Malik right behind her.
“Oh, hey look! It's the pretty girl!” Malik cried, running over to Tea. She looked at him in surprise before he grabbed her arms and began to kiss her. Everyone sweat dropped.
“What's with Malik?” Yami asked. The two were still kissing.
Isis gave an annoyed sigh. “Idiots! Getting drunk, before noon even!” she cried.
“So Malik and Ryou are drunk?” Serenity asked.
Isis shook her head. “No, Bakura and Marik are back at my house acting like idiots. They just walked into my house and began talking some nonsense about how squirrels were after them. I finally got them to sit down and watch I Love Lucy. That gave me a chance to tie them to their chairs.”
“But if Bakura and Marik were the ones drinking why are Malik and Ryou acting drunk?” Tea asked, letting an unconscious Malik fall to the floor.
“Mental link,” Isis replied, kicking Malik slightly. He woke with a start.
“Hey, where'd all that chocolate go?” he asked, slurring his words. Isis shook her head in embarrassment.
“We need to find Ryou so I can keep them all under close watch. I didn't think Marik could be so stupid. Getting drunk, stupid, getting drunk in the morning, stupider, getting drunk be drinking half a glass of Flaming Squirrel, IDIOTIC!” she cried, glaring at no one in particular.
“HALF A GLASS FLAMMING SQUIRREL!” Yami cried in shock. Isis nodded. “But Flaming Squirrel is-is REALLY strong. What were they thinking!” Now Yami was glaring as well.
“I know! Now, we must wait for Ryou to show up and then I'll take them back to my place,” Isis said. Serenity gasped and everyone turned to star at her.
“Ryou ran away! He's out there-in the city-DRUNK!” Serenity exclaimed
“WHAT!” Isis cried. “This is awful, dreadful, horrible! Oh, it sucks!” she shrieked. “We have to do something! Tristan and Serenity, you go look down town, Yami and I will look up town, and Yugi and Tea can look in the west and east parts of town. He couldn't have gotten too far-,”
“Oh shut up! Guess what Isis, nobody cares! You just yak constantly! “Blah, blah, don't do this, blah, blah, don't eat that! Blah, blah, everybody listen to me!” Malik said, his face with about an inch from Isis's.
Isis glared at him then smiled wickedly. “Oh look behind you, its a-FLAMING SQUIRREL!” Isis cried. Malik turned around and yelped.
“FLAMMING SQUIRREL!” he cried, running towards the door. Joey stopped him in time.
“What about me?” Joey asked.
“You'll stay here and take care of him,” Isis replied. Joey smirked.
“Piece of cake!” he replied.
“Cake? Where?” Malik asked, looking around. “WHERE”S THE CAKE?”
“We must hurry, who knows what kind of trouble Ryou's already gotten himself into?” Yami said as the gang left the shop.
“Alright, this will be easy. All I have to do is make sure Malik doesn't get into any trouble,” Joey said to himself. Then he looked around. Something wasn't right. He thought for a moment the cried:
“Where's Malik!” Joey ran around the shop, looking left and right but couldn't find Malik anywhere. “Wait!” he thought. “What if he's in Yugi's room?” Joey ran up the stairs just in time to see Malik stuff the card Reborn into his mouth.
“Malik, what are you doing? Is that Yugi's deck?” Joey cried. Malik looked at him.
“I found the cake!” he replied happily, taking another card from the pile next to him. Joey snatched it away and grabbed the other cards as well.
“No, this is not cake Malik,” Joey scolded. Malik pouted.
“I want cake!” he cried, pounding his fists into the bed. Joey sweat dropped. “Malik, there is no cake. Why don't you lay down or somthin',” Joey replied. It felt quite weird talking to Malik like he was a toddler.
“NO! I don't want to lay down! Plus I don't take orders from bananas!” he yelled, standing up and falling over again. Joey sweat dropped once more. As Malik got up he looked oddly at Joey and then gave an evil grin.
“CAKE!” he cried, pouncing on Joey.
“Get off of me! OW! What the heck are you doing?” Joey cried as Malik bit his arm.
“I found the cake!” Malik chirped. Joey continued to kick and scream as Malik tried to devour his arm.
Downstairs Yugi's grandfather was oblivious to the fighting for he was not wearing his hearing aid. Instead he was trying to make a castle out of dueling cards.
XXXXXXXXX
Ryou walked down the sidewalk, quit happy. He hadn't felt this happy in a long time. He felt light headed and as if all his problems would just melt away. Father who doesn't care, oh well. Bakura who wants to kill your friends, who cares?
Although he felt happy he wondered why the world around him had changed so much. If he had been thinking clearly at the time he probably would have been freaked out by all the changes. Everything was swirly and colorful, like some child's cartoon or a piece of 'modern art.'
Even though he felt happy it seemed his mood could slip at any moment which it did when he saw a little ball of red light. As it came closer to Ryou he realized it was a flaming Squirrel.
“RUN! The flaming squirrel is coming!” he cried as he ran down the street. Nobody seemed to care except Ryou so he grabbed the first person he saw, which happened to be a little flower with a smiley face and ran down the sidewalk screaming about the flaming squirrel. Unfortunately the little flower didn't want Ryou's help and it bit him. He dropped it with a yelp but continued to run.
XXXXXXXX
“Ryou?” Yami called.
“Ryou where are you?” Isis cried. Suddenly they heard a scream. Both quickly followed the noise until they found a woman, and a girl screaming. A few people had stopped to listen to what they were saying.
“Oh honey, I'm so glad you're ok!” the woman said, hugging the sobbing child tightly.
“What happened?” Isis asked.
“This white haired freak grabbed my daughter and carried her about three blocks before she was able to get away!” the woman cried. “He kept yelling something about flaming squirrels!”
Yami and Isis sweat dropped. “Which way did he go?” Yami asked. The woman pointed and the two set off.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Ryou came to rest by a giant building made of candy. The squirrel was no longer after him.
“Now what should I do?” Ryou asked himself.
“Oh I've got it, I can spy on Bakura through our mental link!” Ryou exclaimed, giggling.
#Bakura Thinking#
#I don't love Lucy#
#No Lucy don't do it!#
#Marik is so stupid! I hate Marik! Why did I ever think he was hot?#
#I wonder where the flaming squirrels are now…#
#Where's Ryou? Man I miss him. Life is boring without Ryou.#
#Ryou in a bikini…that'd be cool…#
#Stupid Marik, cola is better then applesauce!#
“Hey, I'll go get some cola!” Ryou cried, causing some passing leprechauns to stare. Ryou jogged down the side walk until he saw tons of giant lollypops.
“Wow! Lollypops, cookies, and COLA!” he cried, running over to a giant fountain with cola squirting from it. After finishing his drink he sat down on a giant dueling card and contacted Bakura again.
#Bakura?#
#Who's there!?#
#Silly, it's Ryou!#
#Ryou?...OH! Ryou! You're pretty Ryou! I keep picturing you in a bikini!#
#That's nice. I-#
Ryou looked up and saw hundreds of flaming squirrels sitting on the telephone posts.
“FLAMING SQUIRRELS!” he cried. He jumped up and quickly ran into the nearest building he saw.
#Ryou! Did you see the squirrels!#
#FLAMING SQUIRRELS!#
#Ryou!#
XXXXXXXXX
“Ok Malik, now lay down and don't move,” Joey ordered. Malik had finally passed out, giving Joey time to tie him to a chair and place him in front of the T.V.
“Have you seen my shoe?” Malik asked. Joey looked down.
“You have both of your shoes,” he replied. Malik looked down.
“Wow, would you look at that! Hey, ok, no I asked but he didn't see your shoe either,” Malik mumbled. Joey took a few steps back.
“OH NO! Ryou got attacked by the squirrels! He's gonna die! We need weapons, and cats! If Ryou dies I'll be all alone!” Malik cried, struggling to break free of his binds.
“I'm trapped! Help! The snake is working for the squirrels and it won't let me go!” Malik cried. Joey cocked his head.
“What are you talking about man?” he asked.
“Help me! I'm dieing! I c-can't b-breathe! L-losing sight…must…save…Ryou. Help! The-squirrels-will-get-him!” Malik cried, kicking and trying to pull free of the electric wire bind.
“Wait a minute, do you know where Ryou is?” Joey asked.
“I can't help, the snake is eating me! I love you to Marik!” Malik screamed. Joey came forward.
“Malik-.”
“Good bye cruel world!”
“Malik I-.”
“I'm sorry Ryou!”
“Malik I need-.”
“I never found the cake!”
Joey raised his fist into the air and slapped Malik across the face.
“Malik, calm down and tell me what the heck is going on. How do you know Ryou's in trouble?”
Malik stared at him for a moment then yelped. “That hurt! You're not a squirrel in disguise are you!” Joey sighed.
“Answer the question Malik!”
“What's the question?”
“How do you know Ryou is in trouble!” Joey screamed.
“I told you like a billion times already. Marik said that Bakura was talking to Ryou and Ryou saw the…” Malik looked around and dropped to a low whisper.
“…squirrels!”
Joey thought for a moment, well actually more like half an hour, trying to process the information that Malik had given to him.
“If Malik was communicating with Marik then they were…talking through their mind links! And if Bakura told Marik Ryou was in trouble then…um…that means…Ryou talked to Bakura through their mind link! That means…Bakura and Malik can find out where Ryou is!” Joey cried, clenching his fist into the victory pose.
Unfortunately once again Joey lost his prisoner. Joey stared at the empty chair to find the wires had been chewed through.
“Damn! I had to look after one lousy person for a few hours and now he's gone!” Joey cried. He searched through the store and Yugi's home till he found Yugi's grandfather watching T.V.
“Yo, Gramps, have you seen Malik lately?” Joey asked. Yugi's grandfather nodded.
“Right here,” he said gesturing to the boy beside him. Malik was sprawled out one the couch clutching his head.
“Malik? Why'd he come up here?” Joey asked.
“Well I came into my grandson's room to find you drooling and staring off into space and this boy chewing through my gameing wires. He was moaning and groaning about headaches and stomach aches. So I gave him some asprin and left you to your `thinking',” Yugi's grandfather replied.
Marik gave a moan. “No…more…squirrels…” he mumbled.
“Uh, well thanks Gramps. I think Malik's just having one heck of a hang over,” Joey replied.
“That's nice,” Yugi's grandfather replied. He had already turned his hearing aid off and had returned to his reading.
XXXXXXXX
(Because it took so long for Joey to come to his conclusion we have to go back in time a bit. Most of this is happening while Joey is `thinking'.)
“Ryou where are you?” Tea called.
Yugi and Tae were currently in the western part of town searching the park when Yugi heard part of another conversation.
“White haired freak-,”
“Hey, what white haired freak?” Yugi asked quickly.
A boy around the age of five looked at him.
“There was this weird man with white hair who was drinking out of the fountain and licking the trees. He was weird so we weren't allowed to play in the park anymore.”
“Licking trees?” Tae asked. “Which way did he go?”
“He ran off that way,” a small girl with a lollypop said. “I offered him my lolly but he told me it wasn't healthy to eat wild animals.”
Yugi and Tea sweat dropped and hurried off in the direction the girl had pointed to.
XXXXXXXX
Ryou curled into a ball, quite afraid of the world around him. It was as if his town was a giant oil painting that had gotten wet. Everything was swirling together in a dizzy pattern and Ryou couldn't tell if he was up or down. Eyes were staring at him from all around. Creatures with sharp teeth and pointy claws growled at him. It was when he saw the big orange ball heading for him did he run away.
“No! Help! The squirrels are after me!” he cried. The giant monsters around him swerved and jumped about. I few almost hit him. He ran through the gooey mess of the world, no idea of where he was.
XXXXXX
“Ryou where are you man?” Tristan called.
“Excuse me ma'am, we're looking for someone. He's got white hair and brown eyes and is a little strange. Have you seen him?” Serenity asked an old lady.
“Oh did you lose your dog little girl?” the woman asked.
“Um, no. Actually he's a teenager and he's my age,” Serenity replied, sweat dropping.
“Oh,” the lady replied, he sweet voice gone.
“Serenity over here!” Tristan called from up the street. Serenity ran towards him and gasped at what she saw.
Many cars had crashed into each other and were blocking up the whole street.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Some stupid teenager ran into the street!” a police officer told her.
“He didn't happen to have soft white hair, innocent brown eyes, and be wearing a blue jacket did he?” Tristan asked.
“Yes he did. Hey, do you know who he is?” the officer asked.
“No, never seen him before,” Tristan replied.
“Oh,” the officer went back to standing around doing nothing.
“Tristan, that man over there told me Ryou went this way!” Serenity called. The two broke into a run.
XXXXXXXX
Ryou had managed to escape the horrible monsters but was still very afraid. The sky was crimson, as was everything else. It reminded Ryou of blood. His happy feeling was gone. It was replaced by one of illness.
#Bakura help me! I think the squirrels have transported me to their secret hide out!#
#Ryou! You're alive! Thank god! I don't want to be alone!#
#Help me!#
#Don't worry Ryou! I'll save you! I'll-OH NO! The squirrels have got to Marik! He's vomiting all over! Oh Ryou he's dieing!#
#I don't want to die Bakura!#
#Don't worry, I'm coming Ryou!#
XXXXXXXX
Bakura began to gnaw at his binds.
“Must…save…Ryou…Must…defeat&# 8230;squirrels…Must…get…TUMS for Marik!”
Marik groaned and passed out, covered in his own vomit.
“Eww…gross…looks…like…he̷ 0;ate…cake…” Finally Bakura gave a tremendous chew and broke free of his binds. Heroic music starts to play.
“Freedom! Sweet victory! Now, I'm off to see the wizard-I mean save Ryou-then see the wizard about getting some cake and maybe some air fresheners because Marik really stinks and I can barely breathe!” He cried. Bakura took a step forward and slipped in Marik's vomit, causing him to land on top of the other spirit. Heroic music stops abruptly.
“No! Can't-breathe! Too…stinky…”
XXXXXXXX
#Bakura! Where are you!#
#...can't breathe…about…to…pass…out…#
Ryou began to rock in his fetal position once again. He continued to rock until five minutes passed and at that point he was extremely bored so he thought about going to play a game of tennis but remembered he didn't know how to play so instead he went for ice cream but couldn't find the parlor so continued to rock once more until-
(I'm extremely sorry to interrupt this story but I must tell you the previous author who has written the previous work has just been sacked for being too boring. Thank you.)
Now where were we? Oh yes, back to Ryou! Now that cute little hunk was so scared. He's actually quite cute when he's scared. You know he's cute anyway but he's scared face is really cute. And his nice face but who couldn't resist his nice face. God I think he's cute. Especially in a bikini-
(I am sorry to interrupt again but the person responsible for the sacking of the previous author has just been sacked for picking a fan girl to author. The fan girl has also been sacked and now the authoress who we found locked in a closet will take over.)
XXXXXXXXX
Bakura opened his eyes and jumped back in surprise.
“Ew I was touching Marik! Now I've got his smell on me! I should probably go take a shower-wait! Ryou! I must save Ryou!” Once again the heroic music begins to play. Bakura ran towards the door but because he was running hit it really hard and passed out again. The heroic music dies.
XXXXXXXXX
Somewhere on a very tall building a bald fat man stared at the world below.
“Good bye cruel world!” he called before jumping off the skyscraper.
XXXXXXXX
Ryou was trembling as he walked down the scary street. It was when he came to a big building with a giant snake mark on it that he stopped. Two black creatures carrying a big bag were pointing carrots at a few teddy bears.
“Poor teddy bears, some one should help them!” Ryou thought. Ryou marched right up to the first creature and crossed his arms.
“It's wrong to point carrots at people, those things can really do some damage. You could poke you're eye out!” Ryou told him. The creature growled and began to laugh. Ryou frowned and took the carrot from his hand.
“That's it!” he said. With one swipe he hit the monster on the head, causing it to melt away. The other one stared at its friend before running away. As he did he dropped the giant bag and a giant cookie fell onto it. Ryou was about to go take a bit but he noticed one of the teddy bears was on fire. Suddenly Ryou realized it was a squirrel in disguise!
“Squirrel!” he cried and ran off in the other direction.
XXXXXXXXXXX
“Where is he?” Isis asked. Yami and Isis were looking around when they heard sirens and quickly followed the sound to the local bank where a few men were standing out front.
“What happened here?” Yami asked.
“It was amazing!” a short man cried.
“This heroic teenager knocked out this bank robber and saved five million dollars! And because the money was dropped that large man over there lived from his attempted suicide!”
Isis and Yami looked at each other.
“Nah,” each of them said, shaking there heads.
“Ryou would never to that…”
XXXXXXXXX
Bakura opened his eyes once more and looked around.
“What the? Wasn't I supposed to be doing something? Hmm…oh well!” he said happily heading back for Marik.
“Marik I-OH MY RA! Ryou! Flaming squirrels! I must save him!” Bakura turned back around and fiddled with the door knob but it was locked.
“Curses,” he said. He looked around until he spotted a window. “Ah ha!” The spirit tried to unlock the window but it was shut as well.
“Hmm…wait! Isis keeps a key hidden in the kitchen!” Bakura cried, running into the Istar's kitchen. He quickly pulled out all the drawers and cabinets until he finally found the key in a special box that said “Spare Key” in bold print on the top.
“Now to save Ryou!” he cried, holding the key into the air. Silence. “Um, hello? Heroic music?” Bakura hissed.
(Oops! Sorry!)
Heroic music starts to play.
“As I was saying! Now to save Ryou!” Bakura did a heroic pose put dropped the spare key down the sink drain in the process.
“Crap!” Heroic music dies and is replaced by fake audience laughter.
“That's not funny!” Bakura cried. The laughter grows louder. “Stupid sound effect man…”
XXXXXXXX
Ryou sat down on the bench made of paper once more. His head was really hurting and he felt like he was going to hurl. What he wanted to do more then anything was pass out right then and there. Instead he hurled on a bush and sank back down onto another bench far away from the bush.
“Twinkle, twinkle little star…” he began to sing. He had started a record of 36 times singing in a row when a shadow fell over him. Ryou gasped and stood up.
“Get away from me you freak!” he cried.
“Ryou, it's me!” the creature cried. Ryou's eyes widened with fear as the strange star headed human before him began to draw closer.
“Ryou, we're here to help you…” he said calmly. Ryou shook his head.
“You're with the squirrels aren't you?” he asked, his wide eyes darting around, making sure they weren't about to ambush him.
“I'll need some help here,” the creature said. Suddenly something grabbed Ryou and he was fighting off some hairy monster.
“Help, the squirrels have got me!” he cried.
“Drink this!” someone ordered.
“No! I will not be transformed into one of your own kind!” Ryou shouted back. The very difficult process of two people trying to force Ryou to drink something went on for a few more moments as on lookers stopped to take pictures of what they thought was `live art.'
XXXXXXXX
#Help, the squirrels have got me!#
#Ryou, I'm on my way!#
Bakura took the expensive thousand dollar lamp and through it at the window but only managed to break the vase. So then he grabbed the very heavy, cheap, metal baseball bat instead and hacked a big hole in the window. And he hit the TV for good measure.
“Now to save Ryou!” Polka music begins to play. “What the heck? Where's the heroic music?”
(Sorry, I kind of used it as a Frisbee and broke it.)
“Turn it off! Can't…stand…the…sound!” as if hit on the head with a mallet Bakura passed out and fell to the floor. Polka music continues and little wooden figures begin to dance around in circles.
XXXXXXX
“Hey did you find Ryou?” Joey asked as Tea and Yugi walked in.
“We were close but no luck!” Tea replied.
“We were close as well but neither of us could find him,” Tristan added.
“How is Malik?”
“Oh, he's uh…in the bathroom…” Joey replied, sweat dropping.
Suddenly a ding echoed throughout the room and everyone turned to see Yami and Isis walk in with Ryou leaning on Yami. Heroic music plays.
(I fixed it. Don't tell Bakura.)
“We found him!” Yami announced. Ryou looked rather green and was mumbling something about squirrels.
“Oh this calls for a celebration!” Tea exclaimed as Malik walked in.
“Here, let's get some decorations and a cake!” Serenity added.
“Cake? Oh, Ra…” Malik held his mouth and ran upstairs once more.
“Malik, don't, it's my turn!” Ryou cried, running after the boy but only managing to knock over a magazine rack.
“Well, I guess this is a happy ending,” Tea said.
“How? Four people have got extreme hangovers and we just wasted our whole afternoon,” Tristan said.
“Yes, but everyone is safe. So, how about we all go out for pizza!” Isis cried. Everyone agreed.
“Grandpa, will you watch Malik and Ryou for us?” Yugi asked as they left. Of course his grandfather didn't hear him for he was busy meditating behind the counter.
Weird, Fancy, Scottish, Voice Person Who Talks In Fairy Tale Stories: And so the friends went out for pizza and there was much rejoicing. They spent the rest of their day playing Clue and watching I Love Lucy and Ryou and Malik learned never to let their yami's drink before noon ever again.
“Although, I think we might have forgotten something,” Isis said.
XXXXXXXXX
“Help…please…so…h ungry…but don't…know how…to cook…” Bakura groaned. Marik began to shriek in the other room about being sticky and Bakura watched the little wooden puppets dance the polka.
XXXX
Emmy: Wow, that was fun!
Ryou: Maybe for you…
Emmy: Oh I'm sorry Ryou! (Hugs Ryou tightly)
Ryou: I'm gonna puke…
Bakura: Where's my hug?
Emmy: Here, you can hug my cat which I just dipped in water.
Bakura: fights with angry cat
Raven: I'd better get some more Tums and a lot of ointment. R&R please!
Ryou: Maybe for you…
Emmy: Oh I'm sorry Ryou! (Hugs Ryou tightly)
Ryou: I'm gonna puke…
Bakura: Where's my hug?
Emmy: Here, you can hug my cat which I just dipped in water.
Bakura: fights with angry cat
Raven: I'd better get some more Tums and a lot of ointment. R&R please!