Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ High On Fruitcakes ❯ High On Fruitcakes ( Chapter 1 )

Kohaku: Hi yall, I'm sittin next to my psychopathic, narcissistic, sadistic, amoral, sardonic, bitter, cynical, malicious, masochist friend Akina…and her Yami, and her Yami's Yami, and her Yami's Yami's Yami.

All of them: Hi

Yami Akina: I want to kill your Yami, Kohaku, and you too! Muwahahahahahaha!

Kohaku: ::sweat drop:: Uuuh…

Akina: Shut the fuck up you crazy bitch!

Yami Akina: ::glares and grumbles:: goddamn…mother f-

Kohaku: Hey hey now…none of that!

Malik: Did I miss something? ::confused::

Kohaku and Akina: ::Glomps the hell outta Malik:: Hello. ::smiles innocently::

Mariku: ::rolls eyes:: Why do all the girls like you?

Malik: I dunno…maybe it's because I have a millennium rod…heh heh heh ::smiles wickedly::

Yami Akina: I don't like Malik…he's a freggin sissy…I like Mariku::Tries to bat eyes, but it comes out too evil::

Mariku: Ha! Malik take that someone likes me and not you!! HA HA! You suck monkey ass!

Malik: Yea? And you sucked my ass last night!

Yami Akina: Huh? ::tries to look hurt:: Y-you mean you're not straight?

Mariku: Well…uuh.. ::looks away:: well…no…kinda not.

Yami Akina: I'm gunna kill that bastard Malik! Come here you little urchling! ::Pulls out small silver gun with titanium alloy and C-4 tip bullets:: This one's for you!!

Malik: ::screams and runs:: Aaaaah!

Yami Akina: That's right! Scream more you little fucker!

Malik: Holy shit I'm gunna die!!

Kohaku and Akina: Oh no you're not! ::Brings out Yami Kohaku::

Yami Kohaku: Ok, somebody fuckin done and woke me up! Now there's hell to pay!!

Mariku: Dum de dum dum dum…….Run Bitch! RUUUN! ::Talking to Malik::

Malik: I thought you were on MY side! ::stops running and crosses arms…only to get hit in the head by a pyramid paper weight by Yami Akina:: Ouch! ::passes out::

Mariku: Nice shot! But what happened to the gun?

Akina: ::pokes Mariku in the back with the tip of the gun:: Ha Ha! ::pulls the trigger but nothing happens::

Yami Akina:: Ha hahahahhahahahhahhaha! You stupid bitch! The safety's on!

::By the time she said that, Mariku is already running::

Yami Kohaku: Not so fast fruitcake! ::grabs his cape and pulls him to the ground:: You mess with Malik…and shit happens.

Yami Malik: ::looks horrified::

Yami Akina: Get the fuck off him! ::Runs to Yami Kohaku and starts punching her relentlessly::

Mariku: Dum de dum dum dum ::whistles and twiddles fingers::

Kohaku and Akina: Yea…well, Malik's passed out and our Yami's are going to fight until there's a bloody death…so on with the story!!

* * *

High on Fruitcakes (Like Mariku)

We are two extremely bored teen's who are obsessed with Malik…yea…and this ficcy is all about him…and Mariku (a.k.a. "the fruitcake") anyhew…this is supposed to be funny…so if it's not…blame it on Anzu…(die!!) And also…blame it on Isabel!! No electric!! Aaaah!!!

Anzu: Who else should I invite to your party Malik? ::Bites on the end of pencil::

Malik: I don't fucking care…go to hell bitch. :: glares at her, thinking of the best way to kill her::

Anzu: ::Ignoring his threats:: I think Yugi should come

Malik: No

Anzu: Jounouchi?

Malik: No

Anzu: ::starting to get mad:: Honda?!

Malk: No! Nonononono!

Anzu: FINE THEN! I'LL INVITE YOUR PSYCHOPATH FRIENDS!

Malik: Sounds good…

Anzu: ::says under her breath:: yea well I'm inviting my friends anyway…

A couple weeks later at the party…

The party is starting and guests are arriving, starting with Akina, Kohaku and their Yami's.

Akina: ::Walks in and hands Anzu a fruitcake:: Hi!

Kohaku: ::Glares at Anzu and mumbles under breath:: Bitch ::cough cough:: Hi Anzu.

Anzu: ::annoyingly cheerful:: Hi!

Malik: ::Whispers to Kohaku:: Do you wanna kill her or should I?

Kohaku: Lets make it a date.

Malik: ::Blushes:: Fine.

Akina: Hi Maliky ::ditzy::

Malik: ::cough cough:: Blonde ::cough::

Yami Akina: ::Walks by and smacks them both upside the head:: You're blonde too you jerk off! Where's Mariku?

Malik: Itai…Itai yo! ::rubs back of head:: Uuh…

::muffled sounds coming from closet::

Yami Akina: ::Walks over to closet and opens it to find Mariku tied up and tape over his mouth:: What the hell?!?!?

Mariku: Muffmuklkwawawagagalalanana.

Yami Akina: I cant understand you dumb ass! Lemme rip that tape off….heh heh heh ::evil glare…rips tape off::

Mariku: AAAH Shit that hurt.

Yami Akina: Good.

Malik, Akina and kohaku: ::Laughing hysterically::

Kohaku: Did you lock him in there Malik?

Malik: ::Proudly:: Yup.

Kohaku: Good one!

:::More guests arrive:::

Anzu: Hey Yugi! Hey Honda!

Yugi & Honda: Hi

Yugi: Here's the fruitcake you asked us to bring. ::Hands Anzu the fucked up cake::

Anzu: Where's Yami?

Malik: What did you say?!?!

Anzu: Uhh…I didn't mean to say Yami…uhhh, I meant Yams…where are the Yams?

Yugi: 0.0; Uuuh…:: whispers to Anzu:: Yami will be here soon.

Anzu: Great! As soon as Shizuka and Mai arrive we can start opening presents.

Honda: Shizuka's going to be here? Yes!

Mariku: Dum de dum dum dum…

~20 minutes later~

Mai and Shizuka arrive…

Anzu: Hi guys

Honda: ::pushes Anzu out of the way:: Hi Shizuka!

Shizuka: Here's the fruitcake.

Honda: ::Takes it and hands it to Anzu::

Anzu: Great! Now that everyone's here, we can open presents!

Malik: ::Shoots up from chair:: Presents?!? Yey!!

Anzu: Everyone! Come into the living room! ::Sits down on the couch next to Malik and hands him a big wrapped box:: This is from me.

Malik: ::rips open gift to find a Build a bear that when he squeezed it had Anzu's voice saying "I love you":: Gross…

Mariku: What kind of shit is this? ::Holds up bear:: I think we should burn it.

Malik: Yea…later.

Anzu: ::Looks hurt:: Ok, umm…next gift…

::Suddenly the front door opens and Yami is standing there looking extremely pissed.::

Yami: Someone told me this was a duel!! ::Glares at Honda and Yugi who are sniggering in the corner:: Bastards. ::Walks out and slams the door::

Anzu: Ok anyway…here you go ::hands Malik the next gift:: It's from Kohaku.

Malik: ::Shakes box to hear a rattle…rips it open and pulls out hand cuffs and a whip:: Umm…::blushes profoundly::

Mariku: Nice!

Kohaku: Do you wanna try um out?

Malik: Uuh…not right now::sits them down as far away from himself as possible::

Anzu: Ok…well…

BAM!!

Everyone: AAAH! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Mariku: Ha! Scared ya!

Yami Akina: Wussies!

Mariku: It was just the bear! ::points to the microwave where the bear is blown to smithereens::

Anzu: ::Cries::

Malik: ::Laughs::

~15 minutes later ~

Anzu: Well that's the last of the presents.

Malik: Wait a minute! Mariku! Where is my present!?

Just then the door bursts open again and Bakura walks in.

Mariku: ::Whispers into Malik's ear ::You'll get it later ::Eyes him lewdly::

Malik: ::Twitch…Twitch…nosebleed::

Anzu: What's wrong with you?

Malik: N-nothing…everything's just peachy. ::Thinks for a minute:: Did I just say peachy?

Yami Akina: ::Smacks him upside the head:: Don't ever say peachy again! Oh shit ::smacks herself upside the head:: I just said it.

Bakura: Here, I got you a present. ::Hands him a bottle of Sake…and another whip…::

Malik: ::Twitch…twitch::

Mariku: ::whispers to Bakura::I think he wants us bad….

Bakura: ::Nods in agreement::

Anzu: This is not going how I planned it!!

Yugi: Does it ever?

Anzu: ::Thinks:: Nope.

Just then the door bursts open…again…

Seto steps in with Jounouchi who is on a leash with a pink fluffy collar.

Seto: Here's the fruitcake you asked me to bring ::hands Anzu the fruitcake::

Mariku: ::Glares at Jounouchi:: Why did he have to bring THAT fruit cake? ::Points to Jou::

Anzu: Because silly…it's a fruitcake party!!

Malik: ::Walks over and bashes Anzu's head into the wall::

Oops…

Anzu X_X……::passed out on the ground::

Everyone: Yey!! Hooray for Malik!!!

Malik: ::Blushes:: heh heh heh…

Akina: ::runs to Anzu:: Oh Ra! Anzu are you alright?

Yami Akina: ::Points pistol at Akina's foot:: Go to hell bitch ::shoots her in the foot::

Akina: ::Looks at the blood:: Oh the humanity! ::Falls over on Anzu::

Mariku: Get rid of the bodies

Yami Akina: ::Pushes them down in the basement and locks the door::

Malik: Finally…and did she use my phrase? Oh Ra!

Mariku: I'll be right back ::walks into kitchen and wheels out a giant cake made by Anzu::

Malik: Ooooh! Sugar!!!

Everyone: Yey!! ::all about to dig into the cake when suddenly someone bursts out of the top, covered in cake::

Malik: What the hell!

Mariku: It's Ryou! You dumb ass! The cake is supposed to be hollowed out before you get in it!!

Malik: I don't care! I want my sugar! And I want it on Ryou! Uuuh….::blushes:: Oh shit I don't care ::grabbs Ryou, pulls him off the cake and starts licking the cake off of him::

Mariku and Bakura: Hey! Save us some!! ::Both join in::

Everyone else: Uuuuhhh…

Yami Akina: Dum de dum dum…aw shit ::falls off the couch from drinking all the Sake that Bakura brought::

Kohaku: I'm going to die…

Yami Akina: You got dat right usly gusly…gaaaaa….::passes out on the floor, bottle of Sake in one hand and a small silver gun with titanium alloy and C-4 tip bullets in the other::

Kohaku: ::rolls eyes:: Hopeless case…

Malik Bakura Mariku & Ryou: ::off in their own little world::

Honda: ::Glomping Shizuka::

Yugi: ::Watching as Seto makes out with his pup Jou::

Anzu: ::Screaming in the basement::

Akina: ::Bleeding everywhere::

Random person: What a party!!!