Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ How to Save a Life ❯ How It Was: Juxtaposed. ( Chapter 4 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

A/N: Another very, very short chapter. This one is in Malik's POV, just so you all know. Please R&R!!

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July, 2016

I always wanted to do something with my life. Something big. I knew I was better than the life I was born in to, you know?

When I was little I had the same farfetched goals as every other child - to be rich and famous, but more than that I desired the freedom to do whatever I wanted when I grew up.

My childhood was... complicated, to say the least. I won't go into detail about it - I doubt you'd understand - but I will tell you that I was very sheltered as a child - I guess you could say I lived in a bubble up until my pubescent years. My father and I didn't get along well. In fact, at certain points in my life I was able to convince myself that I hated him. He died when I was around twelve, due to circumstances of which I'm still uncomfortable talking about.

As a teenager, newly released from the bubble of my innocent childhood, I developed a thirst for movement and adventure. I was daring and bold, fearless when it came to trying new things - clothing, food, even drugs. I'll admit that for a majority of my adolescence I was involved with the wrong crowd, pushing for the wrong dreams. By the time the epiphany came to me that I was wasting the best years of my life I was seventeen, alone, and in a city far away from my homeland.

I wanted to start over. And I got that chance when I met him. Well, technically, we'd met before... but, again, that meeting was back in the dark days of my life.

We became immediate friends and, soon after, more than friends.

I know that I loved him, at one point. I mean, we shared a life together. We moved away and started a new life, overcoming all the many odds against us - and believe me when I say there were very many odds.

It was difficult, being with him. The first few months were wonderful, of course, as they are in every relationship. But... I don't know... after a while we began to drift apart. We both changed during that period, me more than him. I became overwhelmed by the need to fit in with the crowd that I completely pushed him away, disregarding his feelings, lying to him, breaking dates and constantly disappointing him.

I remember I hit him. It was only once, but I still remember the look on his face - crushed, heartbroken look.

But that didn't end anything between us. In fact, after that, I was so horrified with what I had become that I did a one-eighty and adjusted my personality altogether. I was a better person and our relationship blossomed all over again. He confessed to me that he loved me. I knew I loved him back... but I was scared. I said the words, of course I said the words, but each time I said them the fear inside of me grew.

There fear of being tied down, of my freedom being taken away from me - my freedom that I yearned for ever since I was a small child, my freedom that I cherished. I couldn't bear the thought of love getting in the way of me living my life to the fullest. Living in a bubble, growing up with my father who I hated, I had been denied a normal childhood. I didn't want to be denied anything else as long as I lived.

I was afraid, so afraid, that love would deny me life.

Each time I told him I loved him the words lost a little bit more of their initial truth, until finally it became a big, fat lie.

Don't get me wrong - I still cared about him, still wanted to make him happy. I still enjoyed spending time with him, and God knows the sex was always bloody terrific. But our relationship had lost that initial spark, that passion that made it worth fighting for.

He tried... he tried so hard to reignite it. And he may have succeeded eventually, had I not turned my focus elsewhere.

I know it was mean and selfish, but I couldn't help myself. I had a few private flings behind Ryou's back, all of which he was blissfully unaware. At one point I even had a steady boyfriend behind his back. But I got tired of being disloyal. I hated sneaking around. And as much as I knew it would hurt him, I knew I had to leave him. I couldn't lie to his face anymore, or see his crestfallen face every time I told him I was going home and wouldn't be back till late.

Maybe he did know? Maybe he knew all along and was just pretending not to - pretending to be oblivious, just out of the hope that I wouldn't leave him if he remained ignorant of what was really going on.

I don't know. But I did know that I couldn't stay in that house with him any longer.

I left a note taped to the front door. Set out on my new life, without him.

Ryou -

Things aren't working out.

- Malik

I think about him sometimes. I'll notice something that will trigger a memory of our relationship, or spot someone that looks similar to him. I wonder in the back of my mind from time to time: what if I run into him one day? What would I do if I saw him walking down the street?

But things like that don't happen in real life. Chances are, I'll never see Ryou Bakura again.

Even if, now, I kind of want to.