Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ How to Save a Life ❯ How It Is: Senseless ( Chapter 8 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

For some reason, this chapter was really hard for me to write. I had to go back and change it many times. I'm still not entirely happy with it... and it's a little on the short side, so I apologize.

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There's nothing that I want to do but try to make it up to you.

-- Daughtry (Feels Like Tonight)
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A breathy sigh escaped his throat as Ryou clung to Malik, unwilling to release the comforting heat offered by the Egyptian's body. A crumpled piece of lined paper was slipped into his hand as a pair of warm, moist lips brushed against the shell of his ear.

“I want to see you again.”

Murky brown orbs stared uncertainly at the numbers scrawled neatly on the leaf of paper. He tilted his head to the side, staring at it from a different angle as if trying to discover a secret message hidden in the lines that might prove helpful with making the decision of whether or not to actually call.

Currently the whitenette was situated on a poorly stuffed loveseat, his legs curled up underneath him and the cordless phone resting in his lap - feeling like a dead weight pressing down on his body. His gaze drifted from the sheet of paper to the telephone, a worried frown dragging his lips downwards.

He was so confused. Should he risk bringing Malik back into his life again? If he just ignored their previous two encounters, he could attempt to forget about the Egyptian's presence in the town. Or, he could even quit his job at Room21 and move to another city to ensure no further run-ins would occur.

But... he didn't want to run away. Ryou liked this town - the people who lived there. He enjoyed spending time with his co-workers from the club, and he especially liked making an intimate friend after so long. Xander, his only real friend since Malik left him - the man he considered an older brother, practically, as Xander constantly ensured his safety and happiness - would be devastated if Ryou just picked up and left town.

No, Ryou couldn't leave. He didn't like the thought of starting over again. He was going on thirty... he needed to settle down somewhere.

He couldn't let his past with Malik control him. He needed to move on.

And maybe... maybe he could move on and still keep Malik in his life? Maybe fate was handing him an opportunity - perhaps it was time to reconcile things with the Egyptian? Perhaps they could still be friends. Malik seemed to want that...

Ryou nodded in concurrence to his own thoughts, gripping the paper tightly in his fist, mind made up. With wavering confidence, he punched in the indicated numbers, holding the phone up to his ear and waiting anxiously.

With each ring from the opposite end, the whitenette's nervousness increased. He twisted a lock of hair around his finger, chewing on his lower lip. And on the fourth ring, there was a click and a deep voice greeting him.

“Hello?”

Ryou, losing his nerve, hung up and tossed the phone to the other side of the couch.

Several moments of silence passed, and then the telephone rang, causing the young man to jump in surprise. Hesitantly he reached over and took the receiver into his hands, eyeing it curiously.

Shit. Was it Malik? Did he have one of those Caller IDs? Shit, shit, shit! Oh, God... Why hadn't Ryou thought of that earlier?

He almost allowed the answering machine to take the call, but at the last possible moment held the phone up to his ear and pressed the `on' button. “H-hello...?” he asked tentatively, biting down on his lower lip in anticipation as he awaited the response from the other line.

“Ryou?”

The whitenette breathed a sigh of relief. It was not Malik on the opposite end.

“Oh! Xander!” He greeted in a more cheerful tone, happy to hear from his friend and client. He hadn't heard from the blonde-haired man in several weeks, and he couldn't fathom as to why. “I'm so glad you called.”

“Really?” the man asked, sounding doubtful.

“Of course... I mean, I haven't heard from you for a while. You haven't visited me at the club lately. I was getting nervous. Are you okay?”

There was a sigh from the other end. “I'm fine, Ryou. Just been busy lately, that's all. Don't worry your pretty little head over me.”

Ryou didn't know what to say, so instead he released a small practiced giggle and waited for Xander to do the talking.

“So, I was wondering. Have you eaten anything yet?”

The whitenette shook his head despite the fact his friend could not see him through the phone. “No, not yet. Why? Are you asking me on a date?”

Xander chuckled good-naturedly. “I might be, yes.”

Ryou smiled, glancing down at the paper in his hands before tossing it onto the coffee table. He curled a lock of colorless hair around his index finger and giggled once more, this time genuinely. “Well, are you or aren't you?” he wanted to know.

“I am.”

“Then pick me up in ten minutes.”

“Will do.”

And with that they said their goodbyes and hung up. Ryou stood from the couch, tossing the phone down on the cushions, and departed into the only other room of the apartment to get changed for dinner.

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I was waiting for the day you'd come around.

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Eighty minutes later found Ryou and Xander situated comfortably in a booth tucked away in the dimly lighted corner of The Pier - a five-star restaurant located in the heart of the city. The plates set before them were empty, or nearly empty, and the two males conversed animatedly. A half nearly bottle of wine sat between them, and at a certain point Xander poured more of the ruby liquid into Ryou's glass, urging him to drink more.

Ryou, whose cheeks were already rosily tinted with the affects of the drink, shook his head back and forth to discourage Xander from filling his glass again. “Xander, no... I've already had too much.”

“Nonsense. You can never have too much wine.” He filled his own glass halfway and raised it as if to give a toast before sipping.

Ryou, sighing in defeat, did the same. “What were we toasting to?” he wondered after leaning back in his chair.

Xander smirked and pointed to the whitenette. “To us, of course.”

Long, dark eyelashes fluttered flirtatiously. “To us?” he repeated, wishing for the older male to elaborate.

The half-Frenchman cleared his throat, glancing away. His mouth was suddenly dry. This was the perfect moment... He could hardly think of a better time than now. Ryou had set him up by asking that. All he had to do now was tell Ryou how much he cared about him - tell Ryou that he loved him, more than anything, and then ask that fateful question. He didn't have a ring on him, but that hardly mattered; he could go buy one right after dinner.

“Ryou...” he began, the humor gone from his strong voice and replaced by a serious tone that the whitenette had never heard him speak in before.

Blinking curiously, the chocolate-eyed male edged forward. Feeling Xander's hand cover his own caused his interest to heighten. At the same time, he felt more than a little awkward; he was not used to Xander acting so solemn with him, or looking at him so intensely.

Xander moistened his lips, coughing once again. “Ryou, I...”

At that exact moment, the waiter decided to arrive. “Anything for dessert, monsieur?”

Ryou removed his hand from underneath Xander's larger one, turning his full attention on the waiter - partially thankful for the distraction, even though he was not even interested in having dessert.

“Oh, no thank you,” he declined, smiling sweetly. “Just the check, please.”

The waiter nodded and disappeared.

Ryou brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes before glancing at Xander. The blonde-haired man had returned to his slouching position in his chair, a deep line across his forehead and a distant look in his eyes. An odd silence settled between them and Ryou fidgeted in his chair, feeling rather uncomfortable.

The waiter came back several minutes later, bearing a little black booklet in his hands, which he presented to the two. Instinctively Ryou made to grab it, but as usual Xander snatched it out of the waiter's hand before Ryou. The whitenette sighed and smiled.

“Xander, when are you going to let me pay for you? I-I have the money... I'm not that poor.”

Xander shook his head, reaching into his back pocket and removing his wallet. He took out his Visa and stuck it in the book, handing it back to the waiter. “I asked you out, Ryou. It wouldn't be polite of me to make you pay for the meal.”

Ryou pouted, staring hopelessly at the older man. “I'll pay you back one day,” he promised, “whether you want me to or not.”

“Ah, your presence is reimbursement enough for me, Ryou.”

The brown-eyed man's cheeks flushed darkly, and this time not due to the wine. “You flatter me.”

“That's the point.”

The blush deepened, Ryou's insides squirming in delight at the compliments; he didn't know what to say. Luckily he was once more saved by the waiter, who returned with the receipt for Xander. The blonde-haired man set to work on filling in the total for the meal.

“C'mon. Let's get out of here, Ryou.”

Ryou nodded his head, standing up. Xander replaced his wallet and offered the whitenette his hand, which Ryou took with a giggle before allowing himself to be led out of the restaurant.

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I was chasing, but nothing was all I found.

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“I do believe you're drunk, lovely.”

A small snort of laughter escaped Ryou's lips as he waved his hand dismissively in Xander's direction. He had no doubt of that fact, as he could feel the pleasant buzz numbing his mind. “Only thanks to you, mister `you can never have too much wine'!”

Xander smirked and shrugged his shoulders. “I'm not complaining... you look quite sexy when you're drunk.”

Ryou screwed up his eyebrows, lips twitching downwards into a slight frown. “How do I look any different than usual?”

The half-Frenchman wrapped an arm around the lithe waist, drawing Ryou closer to himself. To his pleasant surprise, Ryou leaned into the embrace - though whether his reasoning derived from the alcohol in his body or free will remained unclear. “Well,” Xander began, rubbing the whitenette's hip affectionately. “Your face turns this beautiful shade of red... and your posture much more relaxed... and you smile and laugh a lot more. I like it.”

Ryou smiled softly, closing his eyes. “Xander?” he called meekly. The older man let out a small noise to show he was listening and Ryou bowed his head, silver-white bangs shading his eyes from view. “Am I... am I beautiful when I'm not drunk, too?”

Taken off guard by the question, Xander couldn't stop the incredulous expression from crossing his features? “Are you kidding, Ryou?” The whitenette shook his head, eyes taking on a strangely dull, melancholy hue. “Ryou... look at me.” He turned the younger so that they faced one another. His hands traveled to rest on either of the frail shoulders. Insecure brown eyes stared up at him. “How can you even ask me that question? How can you not think you're beautiful?”

Taking in a shuddering breath, the white-haired man looked away once more, focusing on the ground. “I... I just don't understand. You say I'm beautiful... everyone says I'm beautiful... if-if I'm so beautiful, why did he leave me?”

Now Xander understood Ryou's sudden depression. They'd had this discussion many times before - concerning Ryou's first and only love, a Mr. Malik Ishtar. Xander was the only person whom Ryou told these secrets.

Two strong arms wound around Ryou's shoulders, bringing the petite male into a comforting embrace.

“I don't know, Ryou... he's an idiot. He's a moron for leaving you.”

“I love him so much...”

“Don't say that. You can't possibly love him after all he did. Ryou, he abandoned you!”

Ryou's breath hitched in his throat, tears lining his eyes. “I-I know... I know he did... but I can't bring myself to hate him... I want to... I-I really want to hate him. But I can't. Xander, I can't.” He clenched the material of the elder's winter coat, burying his face in the navy blue material. “You don't understand what it's like... to-to love someone so much... a-and know they don't-don't love you back.”

Xander's ice-blue eyes turned down on Ryou, appearing rather indifferent. “Yes... I do.”

It was obvious now that as long as Malik Ishtar remained alive, Ryou would never love him in the way Xander desired.

A silence settled in between them, and as it did Ryou's tears gradually subsided and his stance adopted a minute sway. Shifting in Xander's arms, the whitenette lifted his head to glance up into the older man's face. Pink lips fell apart, dark lashes fluttering, as he scrutinized his features.

Xander wondered what it was the petite angel was seeing with those childish mocha irises - the pupils of which were more constricted than usual. The healthy flush adorning the pallid cheeks only heightened the innocent aura Ryou exuded. The blonde felt his throat tighten, eyes flashing with the desire to do several things in order to ensure Ryou gave him that look more often.

“You have a murderer's eyes,” Ryou stated randomly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Xander tilted his head to the side, blinking in quiet amusement and brushing the comment aside as nothing more than drunken babble. Then he leaned down and kissed the whitenette on the mouth.

It was not a work night, but Ryou succumbed to him anyways.

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And it feels like tonight.

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Ryou managed to dissuade Xander from driving him home the next morning. As much as he appreciated the offer, he felt guilty taking so much from his friend. It seemed to the albino that he relied on Xander too much. Sometimes he wondered if Xander thought he was just using him, and it was this fear that drove him to insist on walking himself home.

“Don't worry about me,” he'd urged.“I like walking.”

Xander had smiled and kissed his lower lip in surrender.

Relieved, the white-haired man began his trek downtown, happily leaving the upscale house behind him. He still couldn't believe his actions the previous evening - the half of them he could remember. Not even able to recall drinking very much, Ryou wondered how he ended up in bed with Xander. The only memory he possessed of the previous night was crying against his friend, and then Xander kissing him. Obviously the night had progressed into something much more lustful than a chaste kiss - a fact Ryou was now mentally berating himself for.

To be honest, he felt as if Xander had taken advantage of him. The blonde knew how Ryou's behavior changed after alcohol entered his system. Why would Xander want have sex with him when Ryou was not even conscious of his own actions?

Not to mention it was not even a work night. Ryou was not a whore in the sense that he slept with random people whenever he felt like it. It was another of his unspoken rules to only have sex with paying clients, and only on nights when he had a shift at Room21.

Ryou then blamed himself for not being more aware, even if drunk. He should not have let Xander use him like that.

Maybe it's fair, he thought, frowning, as he turned down Chesterfield Avenue - a narrow street lined with multiple boutiques and cozy, family-run restaurants. He's been kind to me... He buys me dinner and takes me places, and never insists I pay him back. I guess... I don't know, I guess it's fair if I think about it that way.

At some point during his inner musings, the Heavens clouded over and snow began to fall. This change in whether brought a smile to the whitenette's face, as there was nothing he adored this time of year more than winter snow. It always brightened his spirits, even when he was in the worst of moods.

Ryou smiled, holding out a hand and catching a snowflake in his palm. It melted upon contact with white mitten, as did the several others he caught.

“You should catch them with your tongue.”

Ryou blinked several times at the voice familiar, turning his head to the side - though he did not have to look to know who the voice belonged to.

A vision from his past stepped forth from the shadows in the form of Malik Ishtar, casually donned in khaki pants and a snow-speckled black coat which was fastened up to his neck to keep the frigid air from touching his sensitive skin. A black and white checkered scarf looped around his shoulders for extra protection against the cold, and a black tuke covered a majority of his golden hair.

“Catch them on your tongue, Malik!” a seventeen-year-old Ryou suggested playfully, holding onto his boyfriend's dark-skinned hand and pointing to the gray sky with childlike enthusiasm.

Malik followed his gaze unsurely, not quite knowing what to do. This was his first time ever seeing snow, so he was more than a little hesitant. Up until this point, the only snowflakes he ensnared had been the ones that, by fluke, landed on his clothing during their descent from Heaven. The thought of tasting the snow was one he was eager to execute.

Sensing this, Ryou tilted his head back, opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out. One of the snowflakes fluttering down to the Earth was halted by the warm tongue and instantly dissolved into an invisible puddle of water on the pink muscle. Malik observed, fascinated.

“What are you doing here?”

A dignified blonde eyebrow arched in silent question as Malik descended the two steps leading up into a men's clothing store and fell into stride with the whitenette. Ryou hastily looked away from him, his earlier depression taking over once again.

“What, a guy can't take a walk without being interrogated?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Ryou continued to stare straight ahead of him, not daring to look at the Egyptian's face. He did not want a repeat of their last meeting. “I'm not interrogating you... It was just a simple question.”

Malik stared down at him, noting the way Ryou purposely avoided even glancing his way. He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “Just taking a walk, that's all. Honest. I'm not stalking you.”

“Well you have a funny way of showing up wherever I happen to be,” Ryou pointed out, “so forgive me for suspecting.”

The Egyptian stopped in his tracks, his lavender eyes trained solely on Ryou as the petite albino never deterred from his set path, hardly even conscious of the fact that Malik was no longer by his side. The older male's hips swayed ever-so-slightly as he walked, shimmering strands of white hair swishing to and fro in accordance with the movement of his body, and the dark-skinned man couldn't fight the hypnosis that overcame him the longer he continued to stare.

God, you're beautiful...

His feet carried him forward, his hand reaching out on its own accord to grasp onto one of the bony shoulders. The smaller froze at the contact.

“Ryou...”

“...Yes?” came the slow, emotionless response.

Malik hesitated a moment before blurting out his question. “Can I buy you lunch?”

The whitenette finally turned around to meet his gaze. Twin silver-white eyebrows were arched skeptically. “It's too early,” he declined.

Malik did not skip a beat. “Breakfast, then?” he suggested.

The chocolate-eyed male shook his head. “I already ate,” he lied, placing a hand over his stomach in an attempt to conceal the obvious rumbling.

“Oh...” was the disconsolate response.

They continued walking, neither of them speaking to the other and each trying to find something interesting to set their gazes on - other than the one standing next to them, that is.

Lavender orbs hurriedly scanned the surroundings, glistening as they spotted a diamond in the rough. He nudged Ryou's arm and Ryou hummed softly, directing his vision to whatever Malik wanted him to see. A bakery.

One of Malik's hands, insulated by a dark leather glove, brushed a strand of hair from Ryou's eyes and tucked it behind the small ear.

“How bout a treat, Creampuff?”

Ryou's insides squirmed at the usage of another old nickname from their relationship. He could almost feel the blush rising to his cheeks as the happier of his memories of Malik overrode his senses, one particular scene replaying over and over at the forefront of his mind - involving none other than the whitenette's favorite treat (creampuffs) and a sexually charged Egyptian teenager.

A hand settled on his lower back and began to guide him in the direction of the bakery, which was festively decorated with multi-colored Christmas lights. Ryou allowed himself to be led away by the Egyptian, and he was completely aware of his actions from that moment on, as he had no flowing wine to blame them on.

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That's all for this chapter. I know. It's so short. (Cries pathetically).

So... should Malik and Ryou get back together, or should Ryou get with Xander? Please review! Tell me what you think of the chapter or the story overall so far. I'm interested to know what you think. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, too.