Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ I Should Have Helped ❯ What Happened That Night ( Chapter 3 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: setosgirl0 
Pegasus finally has a chance to make up for five years ago and help, in an unexpected way.
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.11.2008 | Updated On: 07.12.2008 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 256 | Status: Work In Progress
Pegasus finally has a chance to make up for five years ago and help, in an unexpected way.
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.11.2008 | Updated On: 07.12.2008 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 256 | Status: Work In Progress
I Should Have Helped…
CHAPTER THREE – WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT
Pegasus helped Seto stand up, and helped him back toward the bed. He had stopped crying, to Pegasus’s mixed reactions; the tears made him slightly uncomfortable, as they did most men… But Seto needed them. That was obvious, at least to him, though Seto himself probably would have argued the point, called himself weak and hated himself for them… Again, Pegasus damned Gozaburo to a fiery hell, if he wasn’t already there.
Seto pulled away and scooped up the pill bottle that was still lying on the floor, then sat on the end of the bed, looking at it. “I need to get more,” he aid quietly, as though reminding himself to do it in the morning.
“What are they?” Pegasus asked him, sitting beside him. He remembered being curious about them this afternoon… it seemed like an eternity ago.
“Memory suppressants,” Seto almost muttered. “I can’t work without them… I can’t function without them…”
Pegasus paused for a moment, then made the decision and put his arm around him. Seto stiffened for a moment, and he thought he’d made a grave mistake, but the boy relaxed after a moment. He wasn’t used to being touched… or he was too used to being touched. Either way, he was making an effort to get past it.
“It must have been horrible,” he said. “I went out with him for a year and I never knew…”
Seto actually laughed a little, startling Pegasus. “You know he brought home probably fifty assorted men and women during that year, right? And those were only the ones he thought would be okay with me – that doesn’t even touch on the hookers he got or the employees or business associates or random people he went out to meet at least every other night. Sometimes several in one night, from what I gathered.”
For some reason, Pegasus had never even considered the idea that Gozaburo had been less than faithful – he certainly hadn’t been, after all. Of course, the threat of Gozaburo beating him into a bloody pulp in a pink suit if he ever found out he had been unfaithful was very good motivation for fidelity… and in retrospect, his surprise was ludicrous. The man was a perverted child abuser and horrible sadist – why should he have been a faithful one?
“You didn’t know that.”
“No, I didn’t,” Pegasus said with a small smile. “I should have figured.”
“You should have,” Seto agreed dully.
“I suppose it goes to show that you should never be involved with anyone twenty years older than yourself and fully capable in destroying you any way he sees fit – physically, emotionally, financially…”
“I suppose so.”
“Those fifty people he brought home during that year… None of them had a problem with it?” He was still trying to wrap his head around that particular impossibility. How could anyone see something like that and not have a problem with it? Surely someone should have called him on it, someone must have been able to get to the authorities…
“A few did… He had them killed. Most of them didn’t, though…” He seemed about ready to choke, or maybe cry again, remembering those that had no problem with his situation… those that had surely used him as Gozaburo saw fit. Pegasus rubbed his arm reassuringly, and he started to breathe again. “I don’t think it would have mattered…” he continued. “Any more than it would have mattered if you had gone to the police… he was rich, and he was powerful, and he had some good friends. Or at least some powerful people who were afraid of him. It never would have gone anywhere. The honest cops who found out would have died or been made to shut up, and the others would just have been a little deeper in his pocket.”
“I’m sorry you’re such a cynic at such a young age.”
“You’re not?”
“I’m rather older than you are.”
“Anyway, I’m a realist… not a cynic.”
Sadly, Pegasus thought that was true. Maybe he was sorry that had to be true… or maybe he was sorry anyone so young had to be a realist at all. Some people went their whole lives without facing reality, and for Seto to have to do it when he was just a kid was too cruel.
He let Seto go and took the pill bottle from his hand, setting it on the table beside the bed. Seto obediently lay down, and Pegasus patted him once on the shoulder, then made to leave. Seto didn’t really seem to need him anymore… and he could call him if he did, if he needed to talk or if he planned on killing himself again… Suddenly, it seemed like a much better idea not to go. Just stay with him for the night. He didn’t know how to broach the subject, though.
Seto made it so that he didn’t have to, as he sat up against the wall at the head of the bed and looked at him. “Please…” he said, in a voice so unlike his normal cold tone that Pegasus had to blink. “Don’t go yet… I know this is asking a lot, but please stay here… I… don’t really trust myself to be alone right now… Especially since I don’t have any more pills.”
The white-haired man offered him a small smile. “All right.” He came back and sat on the side of the bed. “I’m glad you told me that instead of being yourself and letting me leave,” he said, as Seto lay back down. He didn’t respond in any way at all, really, let alone return the smile. It was a good idea for him not to be alone, Pegasus decided… Or maybe that was just because he wanted to be with him. He didn’t know which it was, but either way, he was glad Seto wanted him to stay.
Seto was silent for so long that Pegasus was sure he had fallen asleep. He sat beside him, looking fondly down at him, thinking that he looked far more innocent now than he ever had before… no anger, no impatience, just a very beautiful young man who had seen too much of reality. He looked tired… but that was to be expected. He wondered just how young Seto was… it was almost impossible to tell by looking at him. He could have been in his mid-twenties, by looking at him… or he could have been sixteen. Closer to the latter, of course…
Then Seto spoke and surprised him, interrupting his pointless train of thought. “You can say it, you know. I won’t really hate you for it.”
Pegasus looked down at him silently for a moment, trying to decide if he would be lying, and decided Seto didn’t really need to hear it.
“Not yet.”
Seto just nodded. Pegasus smiled a little, almost sadly, looking at him. He didn’t know if he really wouldn’t hate him for saying it… but he hoped.
Seto turned onto his back and looked up at him, at first without saying anything, then he reached up and pulled him down, and kissed him. Pegasus recovered himself and pushed him away, surprised.
“Seto – no. I can’t do this to you. I don’t want to be like them, take advantage…”
“Please,” Seto said simply.
Pegasus knew. Seto understood how he felt, and he was giving him a second chance… a second chance to help him. If he turned him down, he would never get another chance. Seto needed this as much as he himself wanted it. He needed to know that it didn’t have to be like it had been with Gozaburo, that it wasn’t always pain and humiliation, that it could be good. This was his chance to undo all the harm his former lover had done. His chance to prove that he wasn’t a coward. The stakes were high – if he didn’t do this, there might never be another chance, for anybody, to undo it. And if, gods forbid, but if, he hurt him… he would only be finishing what Gozaburo had started. If he were only going to do this because he wanted his body, it would be better to refuse. If he were going to run away from the realization of what he’d done in the morning, it would be kinder never to do it.
But, if he thought he could stick it through… if he really wanted to help him…
Seto waited unnaturally patiently while he warred within himself. He had to decide, right now, how serious he was. It was difficult – he thought he knew, but being forced to make a decision like this, right now, no backing out once he had made it…
He nodded once, and leaned down to kiss him again, allowing himself to enjoy it this time. It was the third time they had kissed, but it might as well have been the first. If anything, the talents Seto had displayed while soulless in his castle were magnified when he was consciously putting them into practice. Pegasus barely caught a moan from escaping his throat at it, at how quickly Seto gave into him and how eager he seemed to pleasure him… even knowing that that eagerness was the reflection of no real emotions, even knowing that it had been trained and tortured into him… it was so hot. It was beyond hot. It was the sexiest thing he had ever experienced, and he only broke it off when he was getting lightheaded for lack of oxygen. He noticed that Seto apparently had no trouble holding his breath.
“If you’re sure…”
Seto put his hands on either side of Pegasus’s face and kissed him again. He could have taken the more dominant role in that kiss if he’d wanted to – Pegasus was too surprised and overwhelmed to even think of putting up a fight to anything he tried to do – but the thought apparently never occurred to him, and he did nothing more than pull Pegasus’s tongue into his mouth and proceed to drive him insane with his own. Pegasus regained control of himself after just a moment, and lightly caressed Seto’s cheek, then broke the kiss. He still wasn’t even quite recovered from the first one.
Seto’s long fingers were nimbly dancing over his clothes then, swiftly undressing him. He wondered how many times Seto had done this in the past, how many suits or pairs of dress pants, or how many dresses, even, he’d removed from their owners’ bodies so that they could use his. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t really think he could stand to know just how much pain Seto had been through.
With a light kiss to Seto’s lips, he gently pulled his hands away. “Let me,” he said. This was going to be as different as possible from everything he’d suffered before. It wasn’t going to be making Seto pleasure him; it was all about him this time, showing the blue-eyed angel that it could be good for him too.
Seto tensed slightly, apparently unfamiliar with the idea, and nodded a little. Pegasus dropped his now unbuttoned jacket neatly onto the floor, then removed his string tie and let it fall onto his suit coat. The shirt followed, probably more quickly than Seto could have done it thanks to his familiarity with the rather odd outfit.
Seto touched his chest lightly, and he leaned down to kiss him again, softly, not demanding anything from him. Those stunning blue eyes were guarded, and slightly fearful, but it was obvious to Pegasus that he was making an effort. Of course he was scared. He could only imagine – not that he’d want to – what kinds of horrible memories this had to be bringing up in his mind, and he was fighting them and trying to make himself get over it. The elder man felt proud of him, though he knew he had no right to feel anything of the sort, and not a little admiration. He didn’t know how well he would be doing in Seto’s position, but he knew he would never have been able to compare.
One hand gently rested at Seto’s waist, lightly stroking the side of his stomach through his thin clothes, the other tenderly cupping his cheek and feeling his soft, fine hair brush his fingertips. The boy seemed hesitant to touch him, but he didn’t press it and after a moment his other hand mirrored Pegasus’ in finding his waist. His hands were both surprisingly soft, as though he used lotion, though he couldn’t picture it in his mind. The fingertips were almost calloused form years of typing for hours a day, though they rested only lightly on his skin. He slid his shoes off to land silently on the floor as he lightly moved away to worship Seto’s pale throat with his kisses, drawing a gasp from him and a quickening of his pulse pounding in the vein beneath his lips. He doubted he had ever shown anyone anything like this much care, and he was certain it had never been shown him.
His hand slowly slid up Seto’s stomach, earning absolutely no response, to his surprise. Either Seto was getting past his problem with being touched, or he was a great actor, or possibly forcing himself along in a state of half-denial. Unsure which, and knowing he would probably never know for sure, he continued, slowly unbuttoning the silk from the bottom. Seto barely seemed to notice, though his hand now on Pegasus’ shoulder did tighten almost imperceptibly, as the latter continued to lightly kiss his unmarred neck.
His stomach and chest, as his lightly questing hand discovered, were an entirely different matter. Gentle fingertips found raised or depressed areas of smooth flesh that he knew would translate into visible scars, were he to look. He didn’t. His fingers didn’t acknowledge them, and he drew no more attention to them than he could help. They were bound to make Seto uncomfortable, possibly ashamed, and he had no wish to do that to him. Any more than he wished for Seto to push aside his hair and see his own obvious deformity, the eye he had been missing for some time now.
As he unfastened the last button at the top of the shirt, he gently slid it aside, to reveal his upper body completely, and still he did not look, distracting Seto with a kiss once more upon his soft lips, his hand doing his exploring for him. There was a tiny gasp as he ran his palm over a nipple, and he repeated the action, lightly rolling it between his fingertips until it was hard and erect. There was a slight pleasured squirm from him, barely noticeable.
Seto gently placed his hands on Pegasus’ shoulders and pushed him away. He stopped what he was doing immediately and pushed himself up to look down at him. Despite his efforts to take it slow for him, he was probably rushing it, or maybe Seto had changed his mind…
The brunet let his shirt fall off as he sat up, sliding from beneath Pegasus. “Wait,” he said quietly. He obeyed silently, watching him, letting his eye take in the scars that were indeed obvious on his chest. Yes, Gozaburo had been a cruel, sadistic bastard… taking advantage of his beauty wasn’t enough; he felt he had to try and spoil that beauty. He had failed, but that he would even attempt such a thing was disgusting.
Seto sat on his knees on the bed, shirtless, and pushed him back to lean on his arms. He took his hand as he reached to unbutton his pants, though.
“Seto, stop,” he said. “You don’t have to do this.”
The thin hand slid from his grasp. “I want to. To… show you what you missed.” He even managed a tiny, obviously forced smile as he said it. Pegasus lowered his hand after a moment, allowing him wordlessly to continue. It was getting too strange for Seto, too fast; he needed to do something to make it more familiar, more comfortable, and Pegasus wouldn’t deny him that. And though he refused to admit it, he had been curious for years…
Seto opened his pants and gently freed his mostly erect member, giving it a skillful stroke almost absently. Pegasus paused him and shed his pants and silk boxers, dropping them near the rest of his previously discarded clothes. It was a carefully calculated move – Seto seemed more than willing to let him retain the clothes – meant to give Seto a somewhat wider measure of control, being himself still half dressed.
After offering him a quick, nearly hesitant kiss, Seto slid off the side of the bed and knelt before him, gently parting his legs. He had one more moment of guilty misgiving, before Seto wrapped pliant lips around the head of his erection, already sucking gently, and he couldn’t quite think about it anymore. He groaned as he felt Seto’s tongue, nimbly stroking along the slit, reflect talents his kiss only hinted at. It was bad to take advantage of this – bad to mentally praise Seto on his ability, knowing how he got that ability – and yet, he really was good at it. Gozaburo was not a liar, not about this.
Seto watched him with unreadable eyes, and trailed his hand down his stomach to gently knead the area not far below his navel. Pegasus stifled another groan and let his head fall back. That was a new trick to him… he controlled his urge to thrust into that willing mouth and let Seto practice his art unhindered.
Seto went slowly – had he been punished for being too fast in his childhood? He could definitely imagine this taking no more than a minute with Seto – and the effect of his obvious skills was magnified exponentially with every extra second he drew it out. Pegasus was wanting desperately to end this by the time Seto swallowed around him and took him deep into his throat; he couldn’t hear anything, but he could feel the vibrations that told him Seto was humming, and not just a single note either. If Seto’s hands on his hips hadn’t reminded him to keep still, he would have used that talented mouth mercilessly.
A low groaned escaped him as Seto slowly pulled away, and he was breathing heavily as he forced his eye open to look at him.
“Do you want me to?” Seto asked quietly.
His first instinct was to yell “Hell yes!” He did want, so badly. But looking at Seto, he was reminded of why he was doing this, and he forced himself into respectability, sitting up a little straighter and pulling himself together.
“Whatever you want, Seto,” he answered. “This is all yours. What you do is completely up to you. You can stop now if you want.” It was true… though he prayed he wouldn’t.
Seto seemed thrown off. Not only did he, for the first time, have a say in what he did, but he could end it if he wanted – the feeling was apparently unfamiliar. It took a moment before he would speak.
“Honestly, I’d rather you…”
Pegasus nodded and took Seto’s hand to pull him to the bed. Seto sat beside him where he was placed, like a doll, or a catatonic mental patient, which was a disconcerting image that he tried to banish from his mind. Gently, he turned Seto’s face and kissed him again, loving how he kissed him back, so fully. His prominent erection throbbed again just at the kiss. He needed something, soon…
Seto sat back after Pegasus broke to breathe, his hands immediately working at his pants and sliding them down, his face reflecting absolutely nothing. The leather slithered to the floor from the edge of the bed, and Pegasus put one hand atop Seto’s just before the boxers joined them.
“Seto?” Slightly dull blue eyes looked up to meet his own single orange-brown orb, hands stilled. “You don’t have to.”
“No…” Seto said, eyes regaining a little expression. “I need to. Please.”
He nodded and pulled his hand back, and Seto swiftly stripped his last remaining barrier away, exposing himself to the other’s scrutiny, should he choose to scrutinize.
The elder man had no intention of inspecting Seto at all – he already knew all he needed to, and that was that the boy was beautiful – but his eye couldn’t help being drawn to the scars running in almost patterned intervals, over his entire body below the neck. His chest, arms, legs… Some of them looked like they might have been cause by barely-averted attempted murders. Had Gozaburo actually tried to kill him? Or made him think that that was what he was going to do?
“I’m sorry,” Seto whispered; Pegasus looked up to find dulled, sad blue eyes watching him, flicking instantly to the bed once he realized he was caught looking. “I’m hideous.” And yet, he made no effort to hide his body, allowing him to see every visible vandalisation of his perfect skin. It was as though someone had tried in vain to deface the sacred altar of an esoteric pagan religion, but he ancient magic still made itself known…
Pegasus shook his head and pulled Seto closer to himself. “They’re only scars.” He kissed him lightly. “I have my own. Don’t dwell.” Gently, he pushed Seto down to the bed, meeting no resistance. His hand traveled down Seto’s abused chest, over his stomach, as he lay beside him and kissed him just lightly.
Pegasus discovered the brunet’s nearly fully-erect member and brushed it lightly, earning a tiny noise from him. It didn’t seem right, though.
“You’re not actually enjoying this, are you, Seto?” he asked, his hand resting lightly on the other’s flat stomach.
“Of course I am,” Seto replied immediately. “Why wouldn’t-?”
“The truth, please,” he said quietly, meeting his eyes.
Seto’s eyes met his evenly. “No; it’s a Pavlovian response. Ring a bell, the dogs’ mouths watered. I suck a cock, I get a hard-on.” He sounded as though he was discussing a mildly interesting experiment, not a serious issue he had to deal with.
“So none of this does anything for you.” It was not precisely a question, merely a statement of very sad fact, at the most looking for confirmation just to be certain.
“Very little… and very little I want to feel…”
Pegasus looked at him sadly. “No one’s ever tried to give you pleasure…”
“I think a few of the ones who felt sorry for me did.”
And the implication was that it obviously didn’t work. Tenderly, he stroked his thumb along Seto’s cheek, watching him absently. “I’m sorry,” he said finally. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”
Seto took his hand and stopped it from moving. “I need to try,” he said quietly.
Pegasus pulled his hand up and squeezed it gently, then dropped his hand and kissed him softly. “I have only one request.”
“What?” Seto asked. He didn’t look scared of it at all, despite all the freakishly perverted things he could have requested. On the contrary, he looked relived. He needed to have direction.
“I don’t want you to act, or pretend, or do what you think I want you to. I want you to react only if and when – and how – you feel the need to.”
Seto swallowed once, then nodded. Pegasus understood that that would be hard for him; he’d have to turn off every ingrained instinct to be a good little… what was the Japanese term? – uke. But he knew he could do it.
Tenderly, he cupped Seto’s face and kissed him again. There was a slight hesitation, then he kissed him back. Not because he wanted to, Pegasus was fairly certain, but because it would be rude not to. He could live with that, he supposed.
For the first time, Seto’s icy blue eyes fell closed, cutting himself off from the world and concentrating on what he was feeling. Trying to turn it into something he could enjoy, no doubt. He was sure to be gentle as he kissed him, then trailed his lips down Seto’s jaw and to his neck. There was no reaction from the brunet beneath him. Of course, he knew this wouldn’t be easy… but he could hope.
Slowly, he ran his hands down Seto’s body, drawing a small shiver that he was not quite stupid enough to misinterpret as pleasure. He abandoned that pursuit and gently took one of Seto’s hands in his own, bringing it to his lips to kiss the smooth skin on the back of it. Blue eyes opened in surprise and looked at him; he smiled slightly at him and kissed his hand again, moving on to kiss the tip of each finger in turn.
So beautiful – Seto looked so tragically beautiful. He was painfully hard still, even though it was sobering to know that he really wasn’t doing anything for Seto. He wished he could make him feel as good as this was supposed to feel. He wished he could undo everything that had been done to him and give him a normal life. He couldn’t, he knew, but he would only try that much harder.
A moment of quiet consideration intervened as he calmly met Seto’s eyes, watching him relax almost imperceptibly as he didn’t threaten him any further, giving in to the new sensations. After that moment, he lowered Seto’s hand and ran his hand up Seto’s arm and to his chest, lightly pulling on a single pinkish nipple. With his other hand, he lightly sucked on two of his own fingers for a moment, even as Seto’s eyes closed once more and he barely reacted at all, only a slight change in his breath. He wasn’t at all certain if that was an encouraging or discouraging sign, so he only let it continue long enough to make sure the digits were slicked and remove them.
He kissed Seto once again, enjoying the automated response he gave him, then pulled back lightly. “I’m sorry about this,” he said quietly, as he gently circled the tight ring of muscle around Seto’s entrance before slowly pushing in one finger.
Seto tensed immediately, and he kissed him gently, letting him get used to it. He hadn’t experienced this in years, of course, and he had never experienced any desirable pleasure from it. Chances were, he would hate this no matter what he did, but he was going to do his best not to make it any worse for him than it had to be. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again as he kissed his jaw near his ear; Seto shut his eyes once more, taking a somewhat deeper breath than normal and relaxing slowly.
Slowly, he began to move his finger, gently stretching him slightly. Seto didn’t react at all, and he slowly inserted the second finger, gently stroking his palm and the inside of his wrist with his free hand. The attention to his hand seemed to relax him somewhat, probably because he couldn’t associate it with anything that had happened to him before. His eyes were still closed, though.
It took a while to stretch him properly, as careful as he was. As he finally pulled his fingers free and positioned himself to take the final step, he gently took Seto’s face in his other hand and stroked his cheek. “Look at me,” he said quietly. Slowly, Seto’s eyes opened and looked up at his. They were nearly as blank as they had been at Duelists’ Kingdom.
“Look at me,” he repeated. “See me. Don’t think of any of the others. Don’t remember any of the others. Don’t see any of the others. See only me, and know that I would never hurt you. Ever.”
Seto swallowed once, then nodded slightly, his eyes firmly open and firmly affixed to the other’s face. Pegasus offered him a small, encouraging smile, then slowly pushed his way forward, keeping his eyes locked on Seto’s. He paused with the head of his member encased in Seto’s tight warmth, though he saw no evidence of any real pain; his care and gentleness had paid off.
Repositioning Seto’s legs to make him more comfortable – the boy wouldn’t do it on his own, for obvious reasons – he slowly slid forward again, until he was fully seated. Seto looked as though he wanted to shut his eyes again, but he didn’t; he was too well trained for his own good. His forehead fell to rest against Seto’s, cutting the distance between them to almost nothing.
“I would never hurt you,” he repeated quietly.
Seto let out a small breath, his body relaxing just slightly. He found it utterly amazing, but Seto apparently believed him. How he could believe him was a complete mystery. He had done so much to hurt him, and here Seto actually believed what he was saying…
But he meant it. He had never wanted to hurt Seto, and he never would again, for any reason.
Still without closing his eyes – obeying Pegasus’ order – Seto almost tentatively lifted his hands and wound them under Pegasus’ arms to grip his shoulders from behind. Pegasus gently leaned down to kiss him again, finally beginning to move and give himself, at least, the relief he was so desperately keeping from himself for Seto’s sake.
There was very little reaction from Seto, but he kept his eyes locked with a steady gaze, not letting him forget where he was or who he was with. A slight tightening of Seto’s hands rewarded him as he began to quicken his pace, but nothing more substantial greeted him. That didn’t even mean much; Seto’s body was trained to react, and he needed release as much. Likely, it was nothing but a physical reaction to his physical need, no reflection of any emotions he might have been feeling.
With a slight shift, he pressed his lips to Seto’s again and pushed in again at a slightly different angle. He was rewarded with the knowledge that he had found the prostate by a sharp gasp muffled in their kiss. Seto’s hands tightened noticeably on his shoulders, and he quickened his pace again, knowing it was what Seto – or his body – wanted. Also knowing that he himself couldn’t last much longer without it.
The brunet’s body arched beneath his in a silent plea. Apparently Seto had forgotten what he said about not reacting unless he wanted to; he could understand that, and was almost surprised he had managed to crush his training for this long. At this very point, it didn’t much matter to him anyway. It wasn’t as though he could still have stopped any longer.
Seto gasped again with a slight noise as he struck the same spot again; even the sounds he made were beautiful. He leaned down to kiss him again, moving one hand from its supporting place on the bed to slide between them and expertly grip Seto’s straining manhood firmly, stroking him along with his increasingly erratic and needy thrusts into him. He had held back for as long as he could, but his gentleness was disappearing.
Seto’s breath panted harshly in his ear as he moved his body into the movements. Pegasus gave him another kiss, somewhat less neat on both parts, and panted the words “I love you,” into his ear, giving an almost harsh squeeze coupled with a deep thrust. Seto stiffened and arched into his grip, his release spurting from Pegasus’ hand over their stomachs. Pegasus moaned quietly and gave a couple more shallow thrusts before he toppled over the edge, spilling his release deep into Seto. Panting, he moved himself away to fall onto the bed instead of the skinny teenager beneath him.
It was a good ten minutes before he was fully cognizant of anything again, and he rolled onto his side to look at Seto. He wasn’t sure how long it had taken him to recover, but it hadn’t been long; Seto was lying on his side with his back to him, giving him a full view of every scar that marred the sleek surface. For a moment, he just looked at him, before pushing himself up on one arm to look down at his face.
He was lying with his head on his arm, staring sideways at apparently nothing whatsoever. He didn’t look at all as though it had helped.
“Seto…” he began, but trailed off. He really didn’t know what else he had to say. Seto didn’t respond to him, and he lightly touched his arm, rubbing his hand over the prominent scars. There was no response to that either. “I’m sorry,” he finally finished. It seemed appropriate.
“No…” Seto said slowly, as though thinking, still not moving except to speak, neither blinking nor looking up at him. “No… I think it helped…”
Pegasus inspected him for a moment. To be perfectly frank… “You don’t look like it helped.”
“I’m not going to lie and say I’m okay… But I think I might be, eventually.”
Pegasus rubbed his arm again, silently approving of his candor. “And what if you’re not, eventually, okay with this? What about… women?” No one should be deprived of a sex life entirely… as much a waste as he thought it would be for Seto to be straight, it would be better for him than nothing at all…
Seto visibly flinched. “I… no. Never.” He shook his head slightly, his eyes finally once more closed. “No.” Pegasus remembered what he’d said; Gozaburo had brought home both men and women. He could only imagine what that had done to him.
“I understand,” he said. “I hope you’re all right.” Seto said nothing, and he only looked at him for a while. Finally, he ran his fingers lightly through his hair with one hand while he wormed a blanket free and pulled it up over him with the other.
“Why did you trust me?” he asked. “You believed me when I said I wouldn’t hurt you…”
“I remembered Duelists’ Kingdom.”
He frowned slightly. “I hurt you immensely at Duelists’ Kingdom. You should never trust me again after that…”
“You’ve never had your ‘soul’ removed, have you?” Seto asked blankly.
“No.”
“You’d know what I meant… it’s not like you’re not there. It’s… more like you have no will to do anything. I was completely aware of what was happening to me… I just had no will to do anything about it. I didn’t want to do anything… I was just there. I saw what you did. You fought with yourself, and eventually you defeated yourself, and you didn’t do it. I appreciated that. I trusted you to do it again, if you had to.”
The entire explanation was delivered in a flat voice, as though it didn’t quite matter. Pegasus was still slightly reeling from the revelation that those he had taken their souls from were still aware of their surroundings. If he’d known that, he would have done most of it differently… it was embarrassing, like suddenly discovering a camera in the empty room in which you had been singing, with appropriate air-guitar accompaniment.
“I kissed you,” he said finally. “I never should have…”
“That’s one of the more pleasant things that has ever been forced upon me,” Seto told him. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. I really can’t blame you.”
Pegasus fell silent, just watching Seto watch nothing. That poor boy… This really hadn’t helped him at all – and the problem was that Pegasus had enjoyed it immensely. He was no better than Gozaburo and all the others now; he had used Seto for his own pleasure without giving him anything back, though he had tried. He had taken advantage of a depressed, suicidal, traumatized teenager…
He wondered if Seto would try to kill himself if he left. He wouldn’t be at all surprised. He’d done nothing but bring up bad memories; he should have refused when Seto asked him – begged him – to do it. He had only done it because he’d wanted it, not to be kind to Seto in any way… he was a monster like Gozaburo…
“Seto,” he asked finally. “Is this the end of it?”
The brunet still didn’t look up at him. “You’re the one who warned me against getting involved with someone twenty years old than me and fully capable of destroying me.”
Touché… “How old are you?”
“Eighteen.” At least that made Pegasus feel a little better… he wasn’t actually a child, at least.
“Then I’m only seventeen years older than you,” he told him primly. The corner of Seto’s mouth twitched upward in what might have been a small smile. “And besides that, I doubt I could destroy you in any way, even if I wanted to. Which I never will.”
Seto lay there for a moment before speaking. “Why are you doing this?”
“I already told you,” Pegasus answered quietly.
Seto nodded a little but said nothing at first, either to reject or accept him. Pegasus sat patiently, waiting for him, for whatever he was eventually going to say. He wasn’t going to leave, no mater how long Seto sat there, not because he was anxious for an answer he was sure was destined to be in the negative, but because he really didn’t think he could be left alone safely. He had said he wouldn’t hurt him, and that included leaving him to be hurt by inattention.
“Will you help me?” Seto asked finally. His voice sounded so small and helpless… How could anyone resist that plea? No one was that heartless.
“Yes,” Pegasus said simply. He reached over and took Seto’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly.
Seto closed his eyes and nodded.
CHAPTER THREE – WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT
Pegasus helped Seto stand up, and helped him back toward the bed. He had stopped crying, to Pegasus’s mixed reactions; the tears made him slightly uncomfortable, as they did most men… But Seto needed them. That was obvious, at least to him, though Seto himself probably would have argued the point, called himself weak and hated himself for them… Again, Pegasus damned Gozaburo to a fiery hell, if he wasn’t already there.
Seto pulled away and scooped up the pill bottle that was still lying on the floor, then sat on the end of the bed, looking at it. “I need to get more,” he aid quietly, as though reminding himself to do it in the morning.
“What are they?” Pegasus asked him, sitting beside him. He remembered being curious about them this afternoon… it seemed like an eternity ago.
“Memory suppressants,” Seto almost muttered. “I can’t work without them… I can’t function without them…”
Pegasus paused for a moment, then made the decision and put his arm around him. Seto stiffened for a moment, and he thought he’d made a grave mistake, but the boy relaxed after a moment. He wasn’t used to being touched… or he was too used to being touched. Either way, he was making an effort to get past it.
“It must have been horrible,” he said. “I went out with him for a year and I never knew…”
Seto actually laughed a little, startling Pegasus. “You know he brought home probably fifty assorted men and women during that year, right? And those were only the ones he thought would be okay with me – that doesn’t even touch on the hookers he got or the employees or business associates or random people he went out to meet at least every other night. Sometimes several in one night, from what I gathered.”
For some reason, Pegasus had never even considered the idea that Gozaburo had been less than faithful – he certainly hadn’t been, after all. Of course, the threat of Gozaburo beating him into a bloody pulp in a pink suit if he ever found out he had been unfaithful was very good motivation for fidelity… and in retrospect, his surprise was ludicrous. The man was a perverted child abuser and horrible sadist – why should he have been a faithful one?
“You didn’t know that.”
“No, I didn’t,” Pegasus said with a small smile. “I should have figured.”
“You should have,” Seto agreed dully.
“I suppose it goes to show that you should never be involved with anyone twenty years older than yourself and fully capable in destroying you any way he sees fit – physically, emotionally, financially…”
“I suppose so.”
“Those fifty people he brought home during that year… None of them had a problem with it?” He was still trying to wrap his head around that particular impossibility. How could anyone see something like that and not have a problem with it? Surely someone should have called him on it, someone must have been able to get to the authorities…
“A few did… He had them killed. Most of them didn’t, though…” He seemed about ready to choke, or maybe cry again, remembering those that had no problem with his situation… those that had surely used him as Gozaburo saw fit. Pegasus rubbed his arm reassuringly, and he started to breathe again. “I don’t think it would have mattered…” he continued. “Any more than it would have mattered if you had gone to the police… he was rich, and he was powerful, and he had some good friends. Or at least some powerful people who were afraid of him. It never would have gone anywhere. The honest cops who found out would have died or been made to shut up, and the others would just have been a little deeper in his pocket.”
“I’m sorry you’re such a cynic at such a young age.”
“You’re not?”
“I’m rather older than you are.”
“Anyway, I’m a realist… not a cynic.”
Sadly, Pegasus thought that was true. Maybe he was sorry that had to be true… or maybe he was sorry anyone so young had to be a realist at all. Some people went their whole lives without facing reality, and for Seto to have to do it when he was just a kid was too cruel.
He let Seto go and took the pill bottle from his hand, setting it on the table beside the bed. Seto obediently lay down, and Pegasus patted him once on the shoulder, then made to leave. Seto didn’t really seem to need him anymore… and he could call him if he did, if he needed to talk or if he planned on killing himself again… Suddenly, it seemed like a much better idea not to go. Just stay with him for the night. He didn’t know how to broach the subject, though.
Seto made it so that he didn’t have to, as he sat up against the wall at the head of the bed and looked at him. “Please…” he said, in a voice so unlike his normal cold tone that Pegasus had to blink. “Don’t go yet… I know this is asking a lot, but please stay here… I… don’t really trust myself to be alone right now… Especially since I don’t have any more pills.”
The white-haired man offered him a small smile. “All right.” He came back and sat on the side of the bed. “I’m glad you told me that instead of being yourself and letting me leave,” he said, as Seto lay back down. He didn’t respond in any way at all, really, let alone return the smile. It was a good idea for him not to be alone, Pegasus decided… Or maybe that was just because he wanted to be with him. He didn’t know which it was, but either way, he was glad Seto wanted him to stay.
Seto was silent for so long that Pegasus was sure he had fallen asleep. He sat beside him, looking fondly down at him, thinking that he looked far more innocent now than he ever had before… no anger, no impatience, just a very beautiful young man who had seen too much of reality. He looked tired… but that was to be expected. He wondered just how young Seto was… it was almost impossible to tell by looking at him. He could have been in his mid-twenties, by looking at him… or he could have been sixteen. Closer to the latter, of course…
Then Seto spoke and surprised him, interrupting his pointless train of thought. “You can say it, you know. I won’t really hate you for it.”
Pegasus looked down at him silently for a moment, trying to decide if he would be lying, and decided Seto didn’t really need to hear it.
“Not yet.”
Seto just nodded. Pegasus smiled a little, almost sadly, looking at him. He didn’t know if he really wouldn’t hate him for saying it… but he hoped.
Seto turned onto his back and looked up at him, at first without saying anything, then he reached up and pulled him down, and kissed him. Pegasus recovered himself and pushed him away, surprised.
“Seto – no. I can’t do this to you. I don’t want to be like them, take advantage…”
“Please,” Seto said simply.
Pegasus knew. Seto understood how he felt, and he was giving him a second chance… a second chance to help him. If he turned him down, he would never get another chance. Seto needed this as much as he himself wanted it. He needed to know that it didn’t have to be like it had been with Gozaburo, that it wasn’t always pain and humiliation, that it could be good. This was his chance to undo all the harm his former lover had done. His chance to prove that he wasn’t a coward. The stakes were high – if he didn’t do this, there might never be another chance, for anybody, to undo it. And if, gods forbid, but if, he hurt him… he would only be finishing what Gozaburo had started. If he were only going to do this because he wanted his body, it would be better to refuse. If he were going to run away from the realization of what he’d done in the morning, it would be kinder never to do it.
But, if he thought he could stick it through… if he really wanted to help him…
Seto waited unnaturally patiently while he warred within himself. He had to decide, right now, how serious he was. It was difficult – he thought he knew, but being forced to make a decision like this, right now, no backing out once he had made it…
He nodded once, and leaned down to kiss him again, allowing himself to enjoy it this time. It was the third time they had kissed, but it might as well have been the first. If anything, the talents Seto had displayed while soulless in his castle were magnified when he was consciously putting them into practice. Pegasus barely caught a moan from escaping his throat at it, at how quickly Seto gave into him and how eager he seemed to pleasure him… even knowing that that eagerness was the reflection of no real emotions, even knowing that it had been trained and tortured into him… it was so hot. It was beyond hot. It was the sexiest thing he had ever experienced, and he only broke it off when he was getting lightheaded for lack of oxygen. He noticed that Seto apparently had no trouble holding his breath.
“If you’re sure…”
Seto put his hands on either side of Pegasus’s face and kissed him again. He could have taken the more dominant role in that kiss if he’d wanted to – Pegasus was too surprised and overwhelmed to even think of putting up a fight to anything he tried to do – but the thought apparently never occurred to him, and he did nothing more than pull Pegasus’s tongue into his mouth and proceed to drive him insane with his own. Pegasus regained control of himself after just a moment, and lightly caressed Seto’s cheek, then broke the kiss. He still wasn’t even quite recovered from the first one.
Seto’s long fingers were nimbly dancing over his clothes then, swiftly undressing him. He wondered how many times Seto had done this in the past, how many suits or pairs of dress pants, or how many dresses, even, he’d removed from their owners’ bodies so that they could use his. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t really think he could stand to know just how much pain Seto had been through.
With a light kiss to Seto’s lips, he gently pulled his hands away. “Let me,” he said. This was going to be as different as possible from everything he’d suffered before. It wasn’t going to be making Seto pleasure him; it was all about him this time, showing the blue-eyed angel that it could be good for him too.
Seto tensed slightly, apparently unfamiliar with the idea, and nodded a little. Pegasus dropped his now unbuttoned jacket neatly onto the floor, then removed his string tie and let it fall onto his suit coat. The shirt followed, probably more quickly than Seto could have done it thanks to his familiarity with the rather odd outfit.
Seto touched his chest lightly, and he leaned down to kiss him again, softly, not demanding anything from him. Those stunning blue eyes were guarded, and slightly fearful, but it was obvious to Pegasus that he was making an effort. Of course he was scared. He could only imagine – not that he’d want to – what kinds of horrible memories this had to be bringing up in his mind, and he was fighting them and trying to make himself get over it. The elder man felt proud of him, though he knew he had no right to feel anything of the sort, and not a little admiration. He didn’t know how well he would be doing in Seto’s position, but he knew he would never have been able to compare.
One hand gently rested at Seto’s waist, lightly stroking the side of his stomach through his thin clothes, the other tenderly cupping his cheek and feeling his soft, fine hair brush his fingertips. The boy seemed hesitant to touch him, but he didn’t press it and after a moment his other hand mirrored Pegasus’ in finding his waist. His hands were both surprisingly soft, as though he used lotion, though he couldn’t picture it in his mind. The fingertips were almost calloused form years of typing for hours a day, though they rested only lightly on his skin. He slid his shoes off to land silently on the floor as he lightly moved away to worship Seto’s pale throat with his kisses, drawing a gasp from him and a quickening of his pulse pounding in the vein beneath his lips. He doubted he had ever shown anyone anything like this much care, and he was certain it had never been shown him.
His hand slowly slid up Seto’s stomach, earning absolutely no response, to his surprise. Either Seto was getting past his problem with being touched, or he was a great actor, or possibly forcing himself along in a state of half-denial. Unsure which, and knowing he would probably never know for sure, he continued, slowly unbuttoning the silk from the bottom. Seto barely seemed to notice, though his hand now on Pegasus’ shoulder did tighten almost imperceptibly, as the latter continued to lightly kiss his unmarred neck.
His stomach and chest, as his lightly questing hand discovered, were an entirely different matter. Gentle fingertips found raised or depressed areas of smooth flesh that he knew would translate into visible scars, were he to look. He didn’t. His fingers didn’t acknowledge them, and he drew no more attention to them than he could help. They were bound to make Seto uncomfortable, possibly ashamed, and he had no wish to do that to him. Any more than he wished for Seto to push aside his hair and see his own obvious deformity, the eye he had been missing for some time now.
As he unfastened the last button at the top of the shirt, he gently slid it aside, to reveal his upper body completely, and still he did not look, distracting Seto with a kiss once more upon his soft lips, his hand doing his exploring for him. There was a tiny gasp as he ran his palm over a nipple, and he repeated the action, lightly rolling it between his fingertips until it was hard and erect. There was a slight pleasured squirm from him, barely noticeable.
Seto gently placed his hands on Pegasus’ shoulders and pushed him away. He stopped what he was doing immediately and pushed himself up to look down at him. Despite his efforts to take it slow for him, he was probably rushing it, or maybe Seto had changed his mind…
The brunet let his shirt fall off as he sat up, sliding from beneath Pegasus. “Wait,” he said quietly. He obeyed silently, watching him, letting his eye take in the scars that were indeed obvious on his chest. Yes, Gozaburo had been a cruel, sadistic bastard… taking advantage of his beauty wasn’t enough; he felt he had to try and spoil that beauty. He had failed, but that he would even attempt such a thing was disgusting.
Seto sat on his knees on the bed, shirtless, and pushed him back to lean on his arms. He took his hand as he reached to unbutton his pants, though.
“Seto, stop,” he said. “You don’t have to do this.”
The thin hand slid from his grasp. “I want to. To… show you what you missed.” He even managed a tiny, obviously forced smile as he said it. Pegasus lowered his hand after a moment, allowing him wordlessly to continue. It was getting too strange for Seto, too fast; he needed to do something to make it more familiar, more comfortable, and Pegasus wouldn’t deny him that. And though he refused to admit it, he had been curious for years…
Seto opened his pants and gently freed his mostly erect member, giving it a skillful stroke almost absently. Pegasus paused him and shed his pants and silk boxers, dropping them near the rest of his previously discarded clothes. It was a carefully calculated move – Seto seemed more than willing to let him retain the clothes – meant to give Seto a somewhat wider measure of control, being himself still half dressed.
After offering him a quick, nearly hesitant kiss, Seto slid off the side of the bed and knelt before him, gently parting his legs. He had one more moment of guilty misgiving, before Seto wrapped pliant lips around the head of his erection, already sucking gently, and he couldn’t quite think about it anymore. He groaned as he felt Seto’s tongue, nimbly stroking along the slit, reflect talents his kiss only hinted at. It was bad to take advantage of this – bad to mentally praise Seto on his ability, knowing how he got that ability – and yet, he really was good at it. Gozaburo was not a liar, not about this.
Seto watched him with unreadable eyes, and trailed his hand down his stomach to gently knead the area not far below his navel. Pegasus stifled another groan and let his head fall back. That was a new trick to him… he controlled his urge to thrust into that willing mouth and let Seto practice his art unhindered.
Seto went slowly – had he been punished for being too fast in his childhood? He could definitely imagine this taking no more than a minute with Seto – and the effect of his obvious skills was magnified exponentially with every extra second he drew it out. Pegasus was wanting desperately to end this by the time Seto swallowed around him and took him deep into his throat; he couldn’t hear anything, but he could feel the vibrations that told him Seto was humming, and not just a single note either. If Seto’s hands on his hips hadn’t reminded him to keep still, he would have used that talented mouth mercilessly.
A low groaned escaped him as Seto slowly pulled away, and he was breathing heavily as he forced his eye open to look at him.
“Do you want me to?” Seto asked quietly.
His first instinct was to yell “Hell yes!” He did want, so badly. But looking at Seto, he was reminded of why he was doing this, and he forced himself into respectability, sitting up a little straighter and pulling himself together.
“Whatever you want, Seto,” he answered. “This is all yours. What you do is completely up to you. You can stop now if you want.” It was true… though he prayed he wouldn’t.
Seto seemed thrown off. Not only did he, for the first time, have a say in what he did, but he could end it if he wanted – the feeling was apparently unfamiliar. It took a moment before he would speak.
“Honestly, I’d rather you…”
Pegasus nodded and took Seto’s hand to pull him to the bed. Seto sat beside him where he was placed, like a doll, or a catatonic mental patient, which was a disconcerting image that he tried to banish from his mind. Gently, he turned Seto’s face and kissed him again, loving how he kissed him back, so fully. His prominent erection throbbed again just at the kiss. He needed something, soon…
Seto sat back after Pegasus broke to breathe, his hands immediately working at his pants and sliding them down, his face reflecting absolutely nothing. The leather slithered to the floor from the edge of the bed, and Pegasus put one hand atop Seto’s just before the boxers joined them.
“Seto?” Slightly dull blue eyes looked up to meet his own single orange-brown orb, hands stilled. “You don’t have to.”
“No…” Seto said, eyes regaining a little expression. “I need to. Please.”
He nodded and pulled his hand back, and Seto swiftly stripped his last remaining barrier away, exposing himself to the other’s scrutiny, should he choose to scrutinize.
The elder man had no intention of inspecting Seto at all – he already knew all he needed to, and that was that the boy was beautiful – but his eye couldn’t help being drawn to the scars running in almost patterned intervals, over his entire body below the neck. His chest, arms, legs… Some of them looked like they might have been cause by barely-averted attempted murders. Had Gozaburo actually tried to kill him? Or made him think that that was what he was going to do?
“I’m sorry,” Seto whispered; Pegasus looked up to find dulled, sad blue eyes watching him, flicking instantly to the bed once he realized he was caught looking. “I’m hideous.” And yet, he made no effort to hide his body, allowing him to see every visible vandalisation of his perfect skin. It was as though someone had tried in vain to deface the sacred altar of an esoteric pagan religion, but he ancient magic still made itself known…
Pegasus shook his head and pulled Seto closer to himself. “They’re only scars.” He kissed him lightly. “I have my own. Don’t dwell.” Gently, he pushed Seto down to the bed, meeting no resistance. His hand traveled down Seto’s abused chest, over his stomach, as he lay beside him and kissed him just lightly.
Pegasus discovered the brunet’s nearly fully-erect member and brushed it lightly, earning a tiny noise from him. It didn’t seem right, though.
“You’re not actually enjoying this, are you, Seto?” he asked, his hand resting lightly on the other’s flat stomach.
“Of course I am,” Seto replied immediately. “Why wouldn’t-?”
“The truth, please,” he said quietly, meeting his eyes.
Seto’s eyes met his evenly. “No; it’s a Pavlovian response. Ring a bell, the dogs’ mouths watered. I suck a cock, I get a hard-on.” He sounded as though he was discussing a mildly interesting experiment, not a serious issue he had to deal with.
“So none of this does anything for you.” It was not precisely a question, merely a statement of very sad fact, at the most looking for confirmation just to be certain.
“Very little… and very little I want to feel…”
Pegasus looked at him sadly. “No one’s ever tried to give you pleasure…”
“I think a few of the ones who felt sorry for me did.”
And the implication was that it obviously didn’t work. Tenderly, he stroked his thumb along Seto’s cheek, watching him absently. “I’m sorry,” he said finally. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”
Seto took his hand and stopped it from moving. “I need to try,” he said quietly.
Pegasus pulled his hand up and squeezed it gently, then dropped his hand and kissed him softly. “I have only one request.”
“What?” Seto asked. He didn’t look scared of it at all, despite all the freakishly perverted things he could have requested. On the contrary, he looked relived. He needed to have direction.
“I don’t want you to act, or pretend, or do what you think I want you to. I want you to react only if and when – and how – you feel the need to.”
Seto swallowed once, then nodded. Pegasus understood that that would be hard for him; he’d have to turn off every ingrained instinct to be a good little… what was the Japanese term? – uke. But he knew he could do it.
Tenderly, he cupped Seto’s face and kissed him again. There was a slight hesitation, then he kissed him back. Not because he wanted to, Pegasus was fairly certain, but because it would be rude not to. He could live with that, he supposed.
For the first time, Seto’s icy blue eyes fell closed, cutting himself off from the world and concentrating on what he was feeling. Trying to turn it into something he could enjoy, no doubt. He was sure to be gentle as he kissed him, then trailed his lips down Seto’s jaw and to his neck. There was no reaction from the brunet beneath him. Of course, he knew this wouldn’t be easy… but he could hope.
Slowly, he ran his hands down Seto’s body, drawing a small shiver that he was not quite stupid enough to misinterpret as pleasure. He abandoned that pursuit and gently took one of Seto’s hands in his own, bringing it to his lips to kiss the smooth skin on the back of it. Blue eyes opened in surprise and looked at him; he smiled slightly at him and kissed his hand again, moving on to kiss the tip of each finger in turn.
So beautiful – Seto looked so tragically beautiful. He was painfully hard still, even though it was sobering to know that he really wasn’t doing anything for Seto. He wished he could make him feel as good as this was supposed to feel. He wished he could undo everything that had been done to him and give him a normal life. He couldn’t, he knew, but he would only try that much harder.
A moment of quiet consideration intervened as he calmly met Seto’s eyes, watching him relax almost imperceptibly as he didn’t threaten him any further, giving in to the new sensations. After that moment, he lowered Seto’s hand and ran his hand up Seto’s arm and to his chest, lightly pulling on a single pinkish nipple. With his other hand, he lightly sucked on two of his own fingers for a moment, even as Seto’s eyes closed once more and he barely reacted at all, only a slight change in his breath. He wasn’t at all certain if that was an encouraging or discouraging sign, so he only let it continue long enough to make sure the digits were slicked and remove them.
He kissed Seto once again, enjoying the automated response he gave him, then pulled back lightly. “I’m sorry about this,” he said quietly, as he gently circled the tight ring of muscle around Seto’s entrance before slowly pushing in one finger.
Seto tensed immediately, and he kissed him gently, letting him get used to it. He hadn’t experienced this in years, of course, and he had never experienced any desirable pleasure from it. Chances were, he would hate this no matter what he did, but he was going to do his best not to make it any worse for him than it had to be. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again as he kissed his jaw near his ear; Seto shut his eyes once more, taking a somewhat deeper breath than normal and relaxing slowly.
Slowly, he began to move his finger, gently stretching him slightly. Seto didn’t react at all, and he slowly inserted the second finger, gently stroking his palm and the inside of his wrist with his free hand. The attention to his hand seemed to relax him somewhat, probably because he couldn’t associate it with anything that had happened to him before. His eyes were still closed, though.
It took a while to stretch him properly, as careful as he was. As he finally pulled his fingers free and positioned himself to take the final step, he gently took Seto’s face in his other hand and stroked his cheek. “Look at me,” he said quietly. Slowly, Seto’s eyes opened and looked up at his. They were nearly as blank as they had been at Duelists’ Kingdom.
“Look at me,” he repeated. “See me. Don’t think of any of the others. Don’t remember any of the others. Don’t see any of the others. See only me, and know that I would never hurt you. Ever.”
Seto swallowed once, then nodded slightly, his eyes firmly open and firmly affixed to the other’s face. Pegasus offered him a small, encouraging smile, then slowly pushed his way forward, keeping his eyes locked on Seto’s. He paused with the head of his member encased in Seto’s tight warmth, though he saw no evidence of any real pain; his care and gentleness had paid off.
Repositioning Seto’s legs to make him more comfortable – the boy wouldn’t do it on his own, for obvious reasons – he slowly slid forward again, until he was fully seated. Seto looked as though he wanted to shut his eyes again, but he didn’t; he was too well trained for his own good. His forehead fell to rest against Seto’s, cutting the distance between them to almost nothing.
“I would never hurt you,” he repeated quietly.
Seto let out a small breath, his body relaxing just slightly. He found it utterly amazing, but Seto apparently believed him. How he could believe him was a complete mystery. He had done so much to hurt him, and here Seto actually believed what he was saying…
But he meant it. He had never wanted to hurt Seto, and he never would again, for any reason.
Still without closing his eyes – obeying Pegasus’ order – Seto almost tentatively lifted his hands and wound them under Pegasus’ arms to grip his shoulders from behind. Pegasus gently leaned down to kiss him again, finally beginning to move and give himself, at least, the relief he was so desperately keeping from himself for Seto’s sake.
There was very little reaction from Seto, but he kept his eyes locked with a steady gaze, not letting him forget where he was or who he was with. A slight tightening of Seto’s hands rewarded him as he began to quicken his pace, but nothing more substantial greeted him. That didn’t even mean much; Seto’s body was trained to react, and he needed release as much. Likely, it was nothing but a physical reaction to his physical need, no reflection of any emotions he might have been feeling.
With a slight shift, he pressed his lips to Seto’s again and pushed in again at a slightly different angle. He was rewarded with the knowledge that he had found the prostate by a sharp gasp muffled in their kiss. Seto’s hands tightened noticeably on his shoulders, and he quickened his pace again, knowing it was what Seto – or his body – wanted. Also knowing that he himself couldn’t last much longer without it.
The brunet’s body arched beneath his in a silent plea. Apparently Seto had forgotten what he said about not reacting unless he wanted to; he could understand that, and was almost surprised he had managed to crush his training for this long. At this very point, it didn’t much matter to him anyway. It wasn’t as though he could still have stopped any longer.
Seto gasped again with a slight noise as he struck the same spot again; even the sounds he made were beautiful. He leaned down to kiss him again, moving one hand from its supporting place on the bed to slide between them and expertly grip Seto’s straining manhood firmly, stroking him along with his increasingly erratic and needy thrusts into him. He had held back for as long as he could, but his gentleness was disappearing.
Seto’s breath panted harshly in his ear as he moved his body into the movements. Pegasus gave him another kiss, somewhat less neat on both parts, and panted the words “I love you,” into his ear, giving an almost harsh squeeze coupled with a deep thrust. Seto stiffened and arched into his grip, his release spurting from Pegasus’ hand over their stomachs. Pegasus moaned quietly and gave a couple more shallow thrusts before he toppled over the edge, spilling his release deep into Seto. Panting, he moved himself away to fall onto the bed instead of the skinny teenager beneath him.
It was a good ten minutes before he was fully cognizant of anything again, and he rolled onto his side to look at Seto. He wasn’t sure how long it had taken him to recover, but it hadn’t been long; Seto was lying on his side with his back to him, giving him a full view of every scar that marred the sleek surface. For a moment, he just looked at him, before pushing himself up on one arm to look down at his face.
He was lying with his head on his arm, staring sideways at apparently nothing whatsoever. He didn’t look at all as though it had helped.
“Seto…” he began, but trailed off. He really didn’t know what else he had to say. Seto didn’t respond to him, and he lightly touched his arm, rubbing his hand over the prominent scars. There was no response to that either. “I’m sorry,” he finally finished. It seemed appropriate.
“No…” Seto said slowly, as though thinking, still not moving except to speak, neither blinking nor looking up at him. “No… I think it helped…”
Pegasus inspected him for a moment. To be perfectly frank… “You don’t look like it helped.”
“I’m not going to lie and say I’m okay… But I think I might be, eventually.”
Pegasus rubbed his arm again, silently approving of his candor. “And what if you’re not, eventually, okay with this? What about… women?” No one should be deprived of a sex life entirely… as much a waste as he thought it would be for Seto to be straight, it would be better for him than nothing at all…
Seto visibly flinched. “I… no. Never.” He shook his head slightly, his eyes finally once more closed. “No.” Pegasus remembered what he’d said; Gozaburo had brought home both men and women. He could only imagine what that had done to him.
“I understand,” he said. “I hope you’re all right.” Seto said nothing, and he only looked at him for a while. Finally, he ran his fingers lightly through his hair with one hand while he wormed a blanket free and pulled it up over him with the other.
“Why did you trust me?” he asked. “You believed me when I said I wouldn’t hurt you…”
“I remembered Duelists’ Kingdom.”
He frowned slightly. “I hurt you immensely at Duelists’ Kingdom. You should never trust me again after that…”
“You’ve never had your ‘soul’ removed, have you?” Seto asked blankly.
“No.”
“You’d know what I meant… it’s not like you’re not there. It’s… more like you have no will to do anything. I was completely aware of what was happening to me… I just had no will to do anything about it. I didn’t want to do anything… I was just there. I saw what you did. You fought with yourself, and eventually you defeated yourself, and you didn’t do it. I appreciated that. I trusted you to do it again, if you had to.”
The entire explanation was delivered in a flat voice, as though it didn’t quite matter. Pegasus was still slightly reeling from the revelation that those he had taken their souls from were still aware of their surroundings. If he’d known that, he would have done most of it differently… it was embarrassing, like suddenly discovering a camera in the empty room in which you had been singing, with appropriate air-guitar accompaniment.
“I kissed you,” he said finally. “I never should have…”
“That’s one of the more pleasant things that has ever been forced upon me,” Seto told him. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. I really can’t blame you.”
Pegasus fell silent, just watching Seto watch nothing. That poor boy… This really hadn’t helped him at all – and the problem was that Pegasus had enjoyed it immensely. He was no better than Gozaburo and all the others now; he had used Seto for his own pleasure without giving him anything back, though he had tried. He had taken advantage of a depressed, suicidal, traumatized teenager…
He wondered if Seto would try to kill himself if he left. He wouldn’t be at all surprised. He’d done nothing but bring up bad memories; he should have refused when Seto asked him – begged him – to do it. He had only done it because he’d wanted it, not to be kind to Seto in any way… he was a monster like Gozaburo…
“Seto,” he asked finally. “Is this the end of it?”
The brunet still didn’t look up at him. “You’re the one who warned me against getting involved with someone twenty years old than me and fully capable of destroying me.”
Touché… “How old are you?”
“Eighteen.” At least that made Pegasus feel a little better… he wasn’t actually a child, at least.
“Then I’m only seventeen years older than you,” he told him primly. The corner of Seto’s mouth twitched upward in what might have been a small smile. “And besides that, I doubt I could destroy you in any way, even if I wanted to. Which I never will.”
Seto lay there for a moment before speaking. “Why are you doing this?”
“I already told you,” Pegasus answered quietly.
Seto nodded a little but said nothing at first, either to reject or accept him. Pegasus sat patiently, waiting for him, for whatever he was eventually going to say. He wasn’t going to leave, no mater how long Seto sat there, not because he was anxious for an answer he was sure was destined to be in the negative, but because he really didn’t think he could be left alone safely. He had said he wouldn’t hurt him, and that included leaving him to be hurt by inattention.
“Will you help me?” Seto asked finally. His voice sounded so small and helpless… How could anyone resist that plea? No one was that heartless.
“Yes,” Pegasus said simply. He reached over and took Seto’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly.
Seto closed his eyes and nodded.