Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Imperfection ❯ Imperfection ( One-Shot )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Disclaimer: This is the first time I've written a story like this really, enjoy it. I don't own the characters, only the story line. Song is Imperfection by Skillet.
Italics = thoughts
Bold = song lyrics
Imperfection
You're worth so much
it'll never be enough to see
what you have to give,
how beautiful you are,
yet seem so far from everything
you're wanting to be…
A song of glory- a fucking song of glory: will you sing one for me? Please, I'm begging you, baby…
He was broken, but not in need of repair. He bled, but felt no pain from it. He was the remains of a teenage boy with nowhere to go but down a winding road of self destruction. All in all, that was Ryou Bakura for you- a terrible mess who tried to make it through each day. He despised himself for all that he was- emotional, overly sensitive, a fuck up (in his own eyes), and a hopeless romantic with no one to love. He lived in a home which was anything but safe and he danced around the rage that was always being thrown at him from his alcoholic father. His Yami, Bakura, was supposed to be the one to make this all better for him; to save him… but he was the mirror image of Ryou's father.
Tears falling down again,
tears falling down…
[Ryou's P.O.V.]
I closed the broken locker in the boys' changing room only to watch it creep open right before my eyes once again. I sighed and left it as it was- ajar and advertising my old gym clothes. I learned not to keep anything I had sentimental attachment to or things I needed in there- they all steal everything.
“Hey there, baby. What the hell do you think you're doing?”
I shuddered at the voice behind me- Akira Himoura, the most renowned bully in all of Domino High, and for some reason he hated me the most out of everyone in the school. I've never done anything to him, but that doesn't matter, I suppose…
“Just getting ready for next period…” I mumbled under my breath.
“Speak up, honey babe. I can't hear a damn word you're saying.”
I cleared my throat in anxiety and repeated myself a little louder. I just wanted to get out of the locker room in one piece- I was safer out in the gym than in here with him.
“Oh, I see. Without doing me a favor?”
I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, wishing I was somewhere else. Akira grabbed my wrist and pilled me with him into one of the showers. He threw me down on the floor and unzipped his pants. In case you couldn't tell- he was gay. Funny, isn't it?
“Come on, baby- you know the drill.”
“Please, Akira. Please, just let me go…”
“Oh, I can't, honey. I need you right now. Who else is gonna help me but you?”
He grabbed my hair and I yelped as he pulled my head closer to him. He dropped his pants and exposed himself- an all too familiar sight for me.
“Don't make me get rough, baby. You know it turns me on.”
“Please, please no…” I let myself go at this point and just started crying like there was no tomorrow.
“Looks like you want me to get rough then.” He shrugged and flipped me over so I was on my stomach now. The cold tile of the floor hurt as my body hit the ground. It took me a second to realize what was going on and when I finally did realize I tried to crawl away, but Akira wouldn't let me. H held one hand over my mouth and his other hang flew straight to my belt, undoing it- I cried harder, whimpering and hating myself.
“Shh, you'll like it.” He whispered into my ear. I kept struggling to get away from him but he held me down firmly- why couldn't I be stronger?
He lifted me off the ground slightly and pulled my jeans and boxers down, pushing me down on the floor again. I shivered at the contact of the tile on my bare skin and tried to scream but his damn hand was there though.
Someone, anyone- please help…
“This will all be over soon enough…”
I closed my eyes tight trying to imagine myself somewhere else- it didn't work. My muffled screams kept coming with every thrust he made after the first penetration- I wanted to die. After a few minutes he finished and got off of me.
“Thanks for the relief, see you around, beautiful.” He spit on me before leaving the room.
I was left crying, bleeding, hurting, and hating. I pulled up my boxers and pants and used the wall to stand up. As soon as I did do, I felt sick to my stomach and just vomited all over the floor. I fell back down again, this time sitting against the wall. I turned the faucet on in the shower and sat in the cold water- not caring about anything. The bell rang, ending this period and starting the next- I didn't move. I just sat there and cried, drenched in freezing cold water now…
Boys started filing into the locker room, I could hear them. I suppose some heard the shower running because they came over and stared.
“What's everyone looking at?” I heard Yugi's voice ask from somewhere behind the crowd. “Ryou?”
I didn't look up as he said my name.
“Jounouchi, go get the teacher!” Yugi ordered and I heard running footsteps; Yugi walked over to me. He turned off the shower and pushed the hair out of my eyes.
“What happened?” He looked at the blood and vomit that had not all washed away. I frantically turned the faucet on again and scratched at my crawling skin in response. Yugi grabbed me and tried to get me to stop- it wasn't hard, I'm not that strong, remember? He turned the faucet off again and I broke down in his arms- all of the other boys just stared. Jounouchi came back with the teacher.
“We just found him in there like that, he hasn't said a word.” Jounouchi explained to the teacher as Yugi tried to calm me down.
“Can you stand, Ryou?” Teacher asked.
“Come on, let's try.” Yugi whispered.
I think the only reason I was brought to my feet was the fact that both Yugi and Jounouchi lifted me up.
“Take him to the infirmary, would you, boys?” He asked and they both nodded, helping me along.
“Ryou, what happened back there?” Jounouchi inquired. I said nothing; they didn't need to know.
“Please, Ryou, we wanna help. If someone hurt you, you need to tell someone.” Still, I said nothing.
When we finally reached the infirmary some announcement sounded off over the PA that I didn't hear and I was guided over to one of the cots. I laid down on my side and stared out into nothing. Yugi sat beside me, rubbing my back as I gazed at the wall. For some reason, I didn't mind when he touched me- he made me feel safe just being around him.
“Did you leave anything in the locker room, Ryou?” Jounouchi asked me. When I didn't respond he said he'd go check anyways.
“Ryou, please tell me what happened… I care about you and I wanna help you.”
“It's nothing, Yugi.” I found myself whispering.
“Don't feed me that bull.”
“…what's the worst thing that you're afraid of?”
“I don't know…Probably dying.”
“Okay, well, death would have been god's gift to me.”
“Ryou, why can't you just tell me straight up what happened?”
“I… can't…”
Then it must have hit him somehow, because what he said next threw me off balance.
“…you were raped, weren't you?”
“Why do you say that?” My heart was pounding in my throat, suffocating me.
“That way you reacted when I shut off the water, when you were basically scraping off your skin- that's why, isn't it? Who did it to you?”
Should I tell him…?
“Was it Shuichi?”
An asshole, none the less- but he'd never do anything like this…
“Akira?” I involuntarily flinched at the mention of his name and Yugi noticed. Before he could say anything, Jounouchi came back, holding no books (as I had none), and the nurse came in as well.
“Ryou, you're being dismissed early. Is there anyone that can pick you up?”
No…
“Uh, yeah. Just call my house.”
She left the room and I pushed myself into an upright position, but she came back in just as soon as she left and told Yugi and Jounouchi that they needed to get back to class, then left again to make that phone call.
“We'll talk later.” Yugi said, hugging me before he left.
“Feel better.” Jounouchi bid before following Yugi out.
As soon as they were both gone I got up and left as well, leaving through the entrance of the school. My head hurt, I think I had a bruise from that hit to the floor- or maybe just a headache. I don't know. The only thing I did know was that I needed to get home. I loved close by the school, so the walk was only about 5 minutes or so, but it always felt so long because I usually walked alone.
After those 5 minutes, I was at my front door. I pulled out my key and unlocked the door, walking in and closing the door behind me again. There were empty veer bottles and bottles of vodka lying around the door. Dad was passed out on the couch, and I heard the shower running upstairs. I went over to the phone and disconnected it, then went into my room and locked the door.
“Come on, where are you? Where are you?” I whispered to myself as I rummaged quietly through some things. I pulled out a little tin box from under my bed and opened it, revealing my “supplies”: a few razorblades, some gauze and bandages, a box of cigarettes, and a lighter.
I should carry this stuff with me…
I opened the window and lit up a cigarette, taking a long drag off of it and blowing smoke out of the window. I picked up one of the razorblades and pulled up my sleeve, there were cuts and scars dancing up and down my entire arm. I held the blade tightly between my fingers and dragged it from the start of my wrist towards the inside of my elbow.
“Oh, god- what's wrong with me? Why can I never do anything right? Why do so many kids at school hate me? I should have been able to get away from Akira; I'm so fucking weak…” I found myself whispering to myself and starting to cry. I took another drag and blew the smoke out of the window again.
You fall to you knees
you beg, you plead,
“Can I be somebody else
for all the times I hate myself?”
Your failures devour
your heart in every hour-
you're drowning in your
IMPERFECTION
I don't believe I've ever cut so deep or so much in my entire life than I did in that one sitting. It's a miracle my arm was still attached to my body instead of on the floor at my feet. I was starting to get dizzy so I dropped the razorblade and held some gauze over my arm. It turned from white to red within a matter of seconds. I took the cigarette that was still in my mouth and put it out in a “clean” part of my wrist then opened my door and stumbled into the bathroom.
Oh, god…
Oh, god…
It hurts so much…
I ran the water and held my arm under it, cleaning off some dried blood but watched the water run red with my pouring blood. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, but my common sense didn't kick in to close the door. Maybe it was the blood loss.
“What are you doing ho-” Bakura began but stopped dead as soon as he spotted my arm. What a sight it must have been: a skinny little boy struggling to stand with his blood staining every tile in the bathroom.
“Oh god, Ryou…”
What the fuck did he care?
I staggered and he jumped towards me and held me up before I fell. He grabbed a towel off the rack and held it on my arm, he held it so tight that it made my arm hurt so much more. He brought me down gently and held me in front of him as we sat on the floor, holding that towel tightly. I closed my eyes and my head fell against his chest. He shook me though and I opened my eyes again.
“You need to stay awake.” He pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. It was strange to see him care so much, did he think he was getting anything out of this? He hung up and lightly pushed hair out of my face.
“What are you doing home?”
“Dismissed early.” I mumbled.
“For what? Are you sick?”
“I was raped.”
FUCK! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!
I let that slip!!!! Great, more reasons for him to pick on me now…
I didn't look him in the eyes, I couldn't. I couldn't even move, otherwise there's no way in hell I'd be in his arms right now.
So tired…
I felt my eyes close again and I made no effort to open them as Bakura shook me and yelled my name louder and louder. I was enveloped in black- and I couldn't care less.
[Bakura's P.O.V.]
“Ryou! RYOU!!!”
No use, it was no fucking use. Don't you fucking die on me, I'll kill you if you do…
I heard the ambulance sirens and worked my out from under Ryou. I ran to the front door and opened it, then ran back to him after making eye contact with the medics.
They ran inside with a stretcher and loaded him up onto it. He looks so helpless…. What am I saying? He is helpless- the poor kid was just raped. And I'm no fucking help in all of this, I'm just as bad as his father when I get drunk. Hell, even when I'm sober I treat him like shit…
I followed the medics out to the ambulance and climbed into the back after they put Ryou in. One of the guys closed the door behind me and we were off. The entire ride there, I couldn't take my eyes off of Ryou. I kept telling myself it was only because I felt sorry for him.
You mean so much
that heaven would touch
the face of humankind for you
How special you are-
revel in your day;
you're fearfully and
wonderfully made.
Tears falling down again-
come, let the healing begin
~*~*~*~*~*~*
I was restricted to a waiting room- a fucking waiting room. I've been in here for the past two hours- and I'm sick of it. I'm bored out of my mind I'm worried as fucking hell- AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!
I pulled out my cell phone and called Yugi- he's probably out of school now.
“Bakura? Uh, what's up?”
“I need you to come to the hospital.”
“What happened? Are you okay?”
“It's not me…”
“…oh god. Yeah, I'll be right there.”
He hung up and I pocketed my cell after doing the same. I was restless so I decided to walk around the waiting room. For some reason, it was empty. Aside from me, there was only one other person in the room; I wonder what he was waiting for. He looked anxious, and like he was kind of anticipating something. I'll never forget it- he was jittery and fidgeting in his seat. Within the next ten minutes, Yugi joined me in the waiting room.
“What happened?” His tone was different than it had been on the phone- is he angry with me? What the fuck did I do? Well, what did I do recently?
“I wish I knew what was going through his head in order to tell you what drove him to this…”
“Oh, he went back to it?” Yugi sounded disappointed.
“You knew what he was doing?”
“You didn't? What are you, blind?”
“Don't insult my intelligence!”
“I never did. I was just pointing out how oblivious you are.”
“I'm not gonna sit here arguing with you while he's fucking unconscious and dying for all we know.” I screamed at him.
“What do you care? He probably did this because of you again anyways.” Yugi fought back with.
“…is that why he did it before?”
“I think I'm gonna have to insult your intelligence now cause you're an idiot for asking that. You and his fucking father… Are you that oblivious to what you do to him?”
“This wasn't about me this time. He was-“
“Raped, I know.”
“He told you?'
“I figured it out when we took him to the nurse's office earlier. But the rape wasn't the only ting that drove him to this. He thinks no one cares about him and you don't help contradict that!”
I fell against one of the chairs in the waiting room. He wants to kill himself. He thinks he has nothing to live for. Why can't you help him instead of always hurt him? Why are you so fucked up to the point where you have to take all of your anger out on him?
I looked up when I heard a doctor call my name from across the room. I walked over to him and followed him past the double doors, leaving Yugi in the waiting room.
[Ryou's P.O.V.]
Beeping noises. I can practically smell the linoleum off of the floor. This place is all too familiar by now. And with each visit, I hate it here more and more. I heard footsteps but I didn't want to open my eyes any more than they were cracked open- I must look like a zombie: half dead with eyes half open, half a brain, half a care about anything in the world, half a person…
“Is he going to be alright?” Bakura's voice flew into my ears.
“The wounds will heal, but I think you should get him some help. Those wounds look self inflicted.”
“They're not, it was an accident.”
What is he doing? He knows they were deliberate.
“What happened?” The doctor sounded skeptic.
What's he gong to say? What brilliant lie will he spin up and roll off of his tongue?
“We were putting up a new mirror and it shattered and cut him.”
“Twelve different times?”
It was only twelve? Aw, damn…
“Freak accidents happen.”
“I'm going to leave you with him for awhile…” The doctor said after a moment of hesitation. I heard footsteps again so I suppose he left. I felt my eyes open against my will though. That ever happen to you? You want to keep them closed, but they've got a mind of their own sometimes. Maybe my conscience pried them open…
“You're awake…” Bakura whispered, sounding drained of all energy.
You care?
That's what I should have said, instead- I said nothing. Bakura sat down in the chair by the bed I was in and crossed his hands, but very soon began fidgeting with them. Bored already? Or do I somehow make the big bad Bakura nervous?
“I'm- I'm glad you're okay.” He said with half a smile; I merely stared in return.
“Come on- I'm trying here, Ryou…” He mumbled and looked down, playing with his hands again.
“Trying what?” My voice came out raspy and I despised it. It sounded broken, just like me.
“To communicate with you- to find out why you did this…”
“Since when do you care what I do? Oh, I know- cause you didn't beat me to this, I did it to myself and you didn't get to slash up my wrist.”
“Ryou, I-“
“No! Bakura, I know you by now!” I felt my voice escalating. “I know you don't care. I know you love pain; you don't care whose pain either. I know I'm your favorite punching bag because I don't fight back. I know you think I'm weak, worthless- that I can't do anything right. And I've come to terms with all of that. I've learned to deal with the fact that if I don't kill myself and get out now, then you eventually will!”
My throat hurt from yelling now, but I kept going.
“And don't even fucking say that it isn't true because you know it is. You hate me, for who the hell knows what reason; and you think I'm too weak. Fine, I don't care anymore. You made something snap in my head top the point where apathy is a fucking BLESSING!”
For the first time in my life, I had yelled at him. I had ranted about what he does to me and, this was another first- he was calm about it. His face showed no hate or anger, but almost concern or even a hint of uneasiness. Had I thrown off the great Bakura?
“I know, Ryou… I know I'm the worst thing to ever walk into your life. I know that day after day I'm never sober and I always end up beating the hell 0oput of you. I know that day after day you hurt yourself because of me and that you think you mean nothing. And I want you to know that day after day, I hate myself for hurting such a sweet boy and stealing his innocence away. I want you to know that I've contemplated and attempted suicide because I wanted to save you from me. I want you to know that I understand why you cut yourself… because I did and still do. And I want you to know that I do care because I love you- although I have nothing to show for that.”
You fall to your knees
you beg, you plead,
“Can I be somebody else
for all the times I hate myself?”
Your failures devour
your heart in every hour-
you're drowning in your imperfection
WOAH!!! Backtrack- what the FUCK was that about just now? He doesn't care. He doesn't love you. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it.
The first thing I could do, not the smartest thing really but I was acting on impulse- I ripped the IV out of my arm and started unwrapping the bandage on my wrist. Bakura jumped up from his seat and grabbed the IV needle away from me before I had a chance to slice open my wrist more or rip out my stitches.
“Don't fucking touch me!” I screamed and felt hot streams of tears coming down my face. He dropped the IV to the floor and held my hands so I couldn't even touch one of my arms with the other.
“Let go of me!!”
“No.” He stated firmly. “I'm not going to sit here and allow you to tear yourself apart even further.”
“I thought you said you understand why I cut myself!”
“That doesn't mean I want you to do it in front of me.”
“Why do you fucking care?! I hate you, I hate you!”
“You don't mean that…”
I laughed. Out of everything I could have done, I chose to laugh- a bitter, manic laugh.
“Yes, I do. I mean it with everything that I am.”
He still didn't let me go, but looked me in my eyes instead. He looked… hurt- this was new to me. I stopped struggling against him, but his grip didn't loosen at all.
“Yugi's here… I'll go and get him…” He whispered and finally let me go, leaving the room. My eyes immediately flew to the IV on the floor. After a few seconds Yugi walked in, Bakura wasn't with him though.
“Hey, Yugi…” I said quietly.
He hugged me before speaking- I had a feeling it was going to make me feel worse though.
“You forgot to jam a knife in your wrist.”
Yep, it made me feel worse.
“…I'm sorry, Yugi.”
“Don't be…just... do me a favor and try to stay here- I'd miss you like crazy if you died.”
“…Where's Bakura?”
“You want him in here?”
“No, I was just wondering where he went.”
“Out in the hallway, I think.”
“Okay. Hey Yugi, can you do me a favor?”
“Sure, what do you need?”
“Can you get me a drink? My throat really hurts.”
“Sure thing. I'll be right back.” He said before leaving the room.
I looked down at my wrist, covered in stitches and staring at me with ugly smiles- I hated myself for this. I should have just stayed in my room, bled out, and died. But no, I was too afraid to die… what a fucking surprise. I looked up when I heard footsteps and found myself staring Bakura in the eyes.
“I'm not asking you to forgive me for what I've done to you in the past or forget it all- but I'm asking you to believe me when I say that I want to change; I want to help you, not hurt you.”
“And I'm asking you to stop the fucking charade because it's not funny.”
“I'm serious. What do you want me to do to prove it to you? Open a vein to show you I bleed just like you and that I'd do anything for you?”
“…do it.”
Without hesitating, he pulled a switchblade out of his pocket and dragged it across his wrist in one swift motion. He didn't look as he did it, he didn't flinch- he kept his eyes on me the whole time. He went to cut deeper but I intervened.
“Stop.” My voice came out as choked and ugly as my wrist. He closed the knife and put it into his pocket again.
“Come here.” I whispered to him and he walked over. I took his wrist in my hands and watched the blood creep out of it. I held a hand over the cut and still he did not flinch, he did not whimper- only kept his eyes on me.
“Why would you do anything for me? How can I possibly mean so much to you?'
“Because I want to be yours and yours alone. And I don't know how or why, but you mean EVERYTHING to me…”
I wiped away some of the blood with my thumb and more came out, but not as much and not as fast. Yugi walked in at this moment with a glass bottle of orange juice for me.
“I miss something?” He asked before setting the bottle on the table by me and taking a seat.
“Nothing.” Bakura said and jerked his wrist away from me, pulling his sleeve over it.
“Uh, anyone know when I can get out of here?” I asked, trying to keep Yugi and Bakura from staring each other to death.
“I';; go find out.” Bakura declared and left.
“What was that about?” Yugi asked.
“Don't worry about it.” I felt dizzy, so I went back to lying down rather than sitting up. Bakura came in again and didn't look too happy (well, he never did… but more than usual now).
“What's wrong?” I asked, yawning.
“They want to keep you overnight.”
“What? But I'm fi-“
Ow, ow, ow…
“What is it? What's the matter?” Yugi and Bakura asked frantically.
I brought up my wrist and looked at it, I ripped out my stitches by accident.
“Fuck…” Bakura muttered and immediately his the call button on the wall.
I was just all out of sorts today, wasn't I? I felt nauseous, but I didn't want to open my mouth to breathe better, in fear I'd vomit. Guess it found a way up anyways though. I leaned over the edge of the bed and retched, watching vibrant red stare back at me from the floor.
Bakura jumped back to prevent himself from getting his with it and I just kind of hung over the edge of the bed- tired, hurting, but somehow caring if I lived or died.
Bakura ran around the bed to the other side of me and sat on the bed, rubbing my back soothingly as Yugi went into the hall to see if anyone was coming- apparently no one was. Yugi went to the wall and pressed the button a few more times, checking the hallway constantly.
“Shh, you'll be alright…” Bakura whispered as he took my wrist and held some of the blanket from the bed over the re-opened cut.
“I'm gonna go find someone.” Yugi said and ran off.
Bakura pushed some of my hair out of my eyes and it felt like he flinched when his hand brushed against my face.
“God, you're burning up…”
He looked around the room a few times and his eyes fell upon what looked like a wash bin. He let go of my wrist and went over to it, bringing it back to the bed with a washcloth. He sat down and told me to rest my head on his lap- I did so. He dipped the cloth in the water and drained some of the excess water out of it before putting it on my forehead- oh god, it felt so good. He took my wrist in his hand again and held the blanket tightly over it.
I heard footsteps running in the hall but I couldn't bring myself to look. They were coming closer and closer and then I heard voices I didn't recognize mixed in with Yugi's and Bakura's. A doctor's face came into focus but I was concentrating more on the GIANT syringe in his hand. I groped for Bakura's hand as though I was lost in darkness and I grasped it tightly in my own when I found it as they turned me on my side and pulled up my shirt. I felt the needle go into my back and I cried out.
“Shh, you'll be alright…” I gripped Bakura's hand tighter each second that needle was in my back- it felt like an eternity before they took it out. I felt my grip loosening and I was laying on my back again, with Bakura stroking my hair as another doctor was stitching up my wrist again. I turned my head to the side slightly and saw Yugi, upset and anxious.
“Don't be so worried, Yugi.” I said quietly with half a smile.
“Hah, that's funny.” He said in an uneasy tone of voice.
The doctor wrapped my wrist my gauze again after he was done closing the cut and asked if he could talk to Bakura alone. He worked his way out from under me and went into the hallway with the doctor. He came in a few minutes later, a grave look on his pale face.
“What's the matter?” I inquired.
“Don't overreact, Ryou…”
“To what…?” I was beginning to get anxious now.
“You have to go somewhere for a little while. Only 24 hours.”
My heart was pounding against my rib cage.
“Where?”
“…a psych ward.” He said quietly. I felt Yugi's and Bakura's eyes on me. I just wanna go home, lock myself in my room, and cry until there's nothing left.
“They're taking you there now…” Bakura added in another whisper. As soon as he said so, three draped in matching white suits came in, one was rolling a wheelchair. I took one glance at the three of them, and it was enough set me off. I backed up against the edge of the bed as two of them approached me- I was terrified.
I felt someone behind me and screamed as they grabbed me- it was Bakura to keep me from falling off of the bed.
“Ryou, it's just one day…” He said quietly.
Ready to dump me off on someone else's doorstep already? I looked up at him, I wanted to say so much right now- wanted to do so much, but I couldn't. The world was facing me again and I stood alone against it- no one was on my side. Bakura and the two others lifted me up out of the bed and put me into the wheelchair. Yugi had said nothing during all of this; I think he was in just as much shock as I was. I felt tears streaming down my face, the all too familiar feeling of running water down my skin- this just wasn't my day, huh?
They wheeled me into an elevator and Bakura and I shared a long stare- for the first time in my life, I would miss him. The elevator door shut and that was the last thing I remembered happening.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
One day. I thought it was supposed to be for one day. That one day turned into weeks. Those weeks turned into months. Can you guess where this is going? I sit here, alone in this solitary room after two years. Two long and lonely years- you left me here two fucking years ago… You lied about everything that day in the hospital. You don't love me… you don't care. I haven't seen your face here once… Yugi's been here everyday for as long as he could- where were you? I bet you moved on…. I bet you've forgotten all about me…
This is my last day here. After two years, I'm finally able to leave. I have nothing of material value here, I came with nothing and I'm leaving with nothing. No one's here to pick me up though, to drive me home to the place I haven't seen for two years. So I walk there, it is raining and it is the best walk in my entire life. I'm not looking forward to seeing your face- what a familiar feeling. The house looks even worse than when I had last seen it- I didn't think that was possible. Yugi told me my dad died of alcohol poisoning, no surprise there. But he never once mentioned you… I don't care anymore though…
My room is how I left it: small and dark with basically nothing in it. My tin box is still under my bed; I wonder how stale those cigarettes are by now. I look to the wall, this is new- “I loved you…” written in dripping crimson, it's fresh in its place and I smear it slightly with my fingertips. You are dead to me, but your body is nowhere to be found. I do not need to see your corpse before me to remind me I will never see you again- I figured that out over time. I hope you are happy like I never was…. I've changed- you would be proud of me.
You're worth so much
So easily crushed-
Wanna be like everyone else.
No one escapes,
Every breath we take
Dealing with our own skeletons
I grab some clothes and throw them in a backpack, giving this place one last look before I leave. I've always hated it here and I let my hopes get up too high thinking you were going to make it all better. Oh well, no use thinking of the way things should have been.
I go to Yugi's house and he welcomes me as he always did- with a warm embrace and an open mind. He's the only reason I'm still here. He is the reason I'm sane. He is my one true friend and I will never lose sight of that for as long (or short) as I live.
There is a knock at the door while we are eating dinner and we both go to answer it- there you are, in all of your glory.
“Hey, I thought you might have been here…” your shirt was tears in it, there is a great hole in your sweatshirt, and blood decorates your jeans along with dirt and other things. I've never seen your hair such a mess as right now and you look as though you haven't eaten to the point where you are on the brink of death. I smell alcohol on your breath and your eyes are bloodshot.
“Yeah, what's your point?” I ask, harshly.
“I've missed you…” you slur out.
“…Get the fuck out of my life like you've been doing the past two years.”
“I wanted to come and see you! I really did…”
“But you didn't.” I slam the door in your face; I'm never looking back. Yugi smiles at me and we walk up the stairs. My life is beginning and you will never be part of it.
Accept it.
Embrace it.
Deal with it.
Won't you believe it?
Won't you believe it?
All things I see in you-
you're not the one,
you're only one
Drowning in imperfection
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