Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Insanity's Plot ❯ Food Galore! ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I do not own the wonderful anime called Yu-Gi-Oh! It is not mine to own. Two of the jokes in here is also not mine to own; they were given to me by two awesome reviewers. I will elaborate more on that after the chapter.

Insanity's Plot

 

Yami: I dunno… It's pretty! And shiny! ^_^

Marik: Then why not gold?

Yami: *pauses* …I never thought about that… Oh well, can't stall my victory! *continues searching, tagging the walls as he goes*

Marik: You don't happen to have another pair of markers in there, do ya?

Yami: Sure I do!

Marik: Great!

Yami: Who said I was going to give them to you?

Marik: *starts mumbling words that cannot be said if I want to keep my rating, which I do*

*we're off to see the upstairs, the wonderful upstairs of Oz!*

Bakura: *climbs through the window to the room Kirei is in* Haha! I made it! Now give me the negatives!

Kirei: Sure. *doesn't turn to face him and holds out the negatives*

Bakura: *grabs them* MUAHA! I shall not be humiliated! …Wait a minute… That was too easy… *shreds the ones he's holding in a random paper shredder*

Kirei: *still doesn't turn around* Mhm. Whatever. *laughs*

Rikoh: *is reading over her shoulder and laughs too*

Bakura: *looks over her shoulder* GYAH! >.< You already uploaded it and put it on a website?! And you're getting feedback?!

Kirei: *nods* Yep. *laughs again*

Bakura: *reads the comment Kirei just read* HOW DARE YOU MORTALS MOCK THE KING OF THIEVES IN SUCH A HORRIBLE MANNER?!

Kirei: Calm down. It's not like I put your name or anything. And I said you were from England, so just chill.

Bakura: I still hate you…

*and we move on to the horribly set-back Malik*

Malik: *finishes dismantling the SSWOM* I knew this wasn't a good idea. Not only did it manage to whomp me 13 times, but it completely destroyed my secret lab conveniently located in Rikoh's attic that she doesn't know about. If only I could find a better way to destroy the human population… *idea pops into his head* Or I could just settle for the friendship-ranting twins. *starts building a new contraption*

*to your left, you'll see the next scene, which takes place in a dark cave… Ok, it's a dark room, but they're a lot a like*

Ryou: *holding the Sennen Ring* My precious…

Yugi: *slams open the door* Ryou! Are you in here?

Ryou: *cringes* The light! It burns us!

Yugi: Oh, sorry, wrong number. *shuts the door* I wonder where Ryou could be…

*and to your right, you'll see a heap of passed out drunkards about to wake up…*

Jonouchi: Ugh… *rubs his head and opens his eyes* What happened?

Honda: I don't know, but you're on my chest and I can't breathe.

Jou: *pushes himself off of Honda* Sorry `bout that. Heh. We must've passed out…

Otogi: *muffled mumbling*

Honda: Huh? *looks around and sees Otogi face down underneath him* Gyah! *gets up quickly*

Otogi: *lifts his head and takes a big breath* I thought I was going to suffocate with your immense weight on top of me like that! >.<

Honda: Hey! I am not fat! >.<

Jou: Are too.

Honda: Jou, you're supposed to be on my side.

Jou: But it's true, man. You could lose a good 20 pounds.

Honda: Well you shouldn't be talking, pig!

Jou: Pig?! You eat just as much as me!

Otogi: *idly watching* (thinking) I love watching those two fight…

Authoress: Ok, this is getting nowhere…

*a sudden flash of light and both Jou and Honda have been turned into…. pigs!*

Otogi: *grossed out* EWWWWW!!!!!! Don't come NEAR me! >.<

Jou/Honda: *start chasing after Otogi*

Otogi: *running for his life* GYAH! GET YOUR DISGUSTING GERMY SELVES AWAY FROM MEE!!! >.<

Authoress: *laughs* Looks like someone's a germophobe.

Otogi: Don't make fun of my disorders!

*just up ahead you'll see two Rantus Oblivious near an Egyptus Psychoticus*

Anzu/Sai: *are tied up against a pole in Malik's lab*

Anzu: Sai… How long have we been in here?

Sai: *checks her watch, which so happens to be purple* About 2 hours. Why?

Anzu: Just checking. It's not like friends to be 1 hors and 55 minutes late for untying friends. Maybe this is a friendship test!

Sai: Oh no! I didn't get to study! Normally I can fit only 3 hours into my busy schedule. But I get nervous before tests!

Anzu: It's ok, Sai. We'll make it through together `cause that's what friends do! And even better, we're cousins, so we're best friends!

Sai: That's right! If we weren't tied up, I'd give you a big hug of friendship!

Anzu: Awww, me too!

Malik: That's IT! If you two don't shut up, I'll turn the machine on now and not wait to get the others.

Anzu: But that's so not-friend like to do!

Sai: Wouldn't you want your friends to wait for you?

Malik: Bakura was right. They do use the f-word over-excessively. Oh well, on to part 6 of my plan! *puts on an apron and pulls out a cookbook*

*we'll take a slight detour down to the basement… What's this I see? Yami and Marik actually working together?*

Yami: Marik, we'll never get out of here…

Marik: You've got that right… We've gone through all 200 of your markers and still no exit… *slumps down against an invisible wall*

Yami: If only I could have fit more in my pockets… *also slumps against a wall, but his wall falls backwards* Ow…

Marik: You did it! You found the secret way out!

Yami: *gets up* Look! There's the door! *grins*

Marik: What are you grinning about, Pharaoh?!

Yami: I beat you `cause I was the one who found the exit.

Marik: …DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! That's not fair! I'll race you to the door!

Yami: Game on!

Both: *run towards it*

Yami: I stepped in before you! MUAHA! I win again!!!

Marik: My foot was so ahead of yours!

Yami: Nu-uh! … Where are we?

Malik: *turns around while carrying a huge measuring cup filled with flour* What are you two doing in my secret lab?!

Marik: So this is your infamous secret lab… Pretty good for a hikari.

Yami: *starts laughing*

Malik: What's so funny, Pharaoh?!

Yami: You're wearing a pink frilly apron!

Marik: *starts laughing too*

Malik: It's the only one I could find! >.<

Yami: What are you doing anyways?

Malik: If I tell you, you both have to swear to help me.

Marik/Yami: Yami's honor.

Malik: Ok… *whispers the plan* (it's top secret and will not be revealed until it is about to be put into motion, sorry)

Yami: Great idea! …I still beat your yami twice in one round.

Marik: No you did not, Pharaoh! That was clearly my victory!

Yami: Nu-uh! I so got in here before you!

Malik: >.> This'll take quite some time to settle down…

*and you'll see a few familiar characters as we pass into a different part of this seemingly large hose*

Yugi: *somehow pushes the door so hard it moves the desk* Hiya!

Kirei/Rikoh/Bakura: O.o How the hell'd you do that?!

Yugi: Do what? *looks to see the desk slammed into a wall that is now dented where it impacted and the door now cut in half from the resistance of the desk* Oh, that! Dunno. I just kinda opened the door.

Rikoh: You are so dead when I send you the bill for that…

Yugi: No! Don't make my Grandpa and his shop go out of business!

Kirei: No, Sugoroku and the Kame Game Shop are safe. The question is: How will you survive?

Yugi: O.O NOOOOO!!!!!! I want to keep my hair! You're not shaving it off and selling it on the Internet to someone in one of those creepy stalker fandoms! *runs away*

Bakura: …Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Kirei: *pulls out a random electrical shaver thingy*

Rikoh: We're getting Yugi's hair!

Otogi: *runs in and accidentally crashes into Kirei*

Kirei: *looks at Otogi, then at his former ponytail on the floor* Um Otogi… You might not want to look in a mirror any time soon…

Otogi: *sees the shaver thingy in Kirei's hand* What did you do to my precious hair?!

Bakura/Rikoh: *burst out laughing*

Otogi: *feels that his ponytail is missing* You didn't!

Kirei: No, I didn't. You did.

Otogi: T_T My beautiful, silky hair gone… *sobbing in the fetal position in the corner*

Rikoh: Oh well, this'll do! *picks up Otogi's former ponytail* I wonder how much this huge bunch'll sell for…

*a sudden flash of light and Jou and Honda are no longer pigs*

Jou: *walks in* What happened to dicey-boy over there?

Honda: *walks in behind him* Otogi, did you get a haircut?

Bakura: *anime style fall* No, you dimwit! Kirei cut off his ponytail!

Jou/Honda: *mouth the word “oh”*

*a random silver beam of light hits everyone in the house aside from Anzu, Sai, Marik, Malik, and Yami. All people hit with the light are teleported to Malik's secret lab*

Malik: Welcome to my secret lab! I have a special treat for all of my guests tonight. If you wouldn't mind sitting down in the provided folding chairs, that would be greatly appreciated. Below your seats you will all find a flamethrower. These will be used later on in the presentation, so please don't use the firepower now. That means you, Bakura.

Bakura: Damn you! >.<

All but Malik: *sit in the folding chairs*

Marik: *whispering to Yami* You just had to pick a silver beam, didn't you?

Yami: *whispering back* Yep! ^_^ Wasn't it pretty and shiny?

Marik: …*still whispering* I still prefer gold…

Malik: I'd like it if people wouldn't whisper while I was giving the explanation even if these certain people already know what's going on.

Marik/Yami: >.> Geez, so grumpy…

Malik: Anyway, as I was saying, I've formulated a new way to torture Anzu and Sai!

*slience*

*crickets chirp*

Malik: Damn you people, do I have to install an “applause” sign?!

Bakura: Oh, that was special?

Malik: *calms himself down* So this is my idea: I already prepared cookie batter in that big vat over there. *points to aforementioned “vat”* If we pour the cookie batter over the two friendship ranting freaks and then torch them, they'll be human cookies!

Yugi: Sounds tasty!

Malik: >.> They're not for eating…

Yugi: Awww, I was hungry too.

Malik: Have a lollipop. *tosses Yugi said sugar product*

Yugi: Yey! ^_^

Malik: Questions? Comments? Complaints? Wow, I sound like a product spokesperson…

Rikoh: Yeah, you do. But anyways, how do we know when they're done cooking?

Malik: Whenever we feel like they're done cooking! ^_^

All except victims: Yey! ^_^

~END CHAPTER~

A/N: Ok, the human cookie joke was all KyosAngel1286's idea. *bows* Arigatou! And Yamifanner inspired the teasing of Yami's victories. *bows* Arigatou! As promised, you two reviewers get cans of frosting! *tosses Yamifanner and KyosAngel1286 aforementioned sugar products* You guys got me so psyched for writing this chapter that it virtually just wrote itself! It only took me an hour and a half to get this done (with a few small breaks, of course), which is pretty good for me! And it's the longest chapter so far! But now I need a good finale to put after the human cookie plan goes through… The flamethrowers can be used for any suggestions. Reviewers get a sugary fruit drink, but those who suggest ideas get the flavor of their choice!