Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Kaiba's House Party ❯ Kaiba's House Party ( One-Shot )

Kaiba's House Party

Kaiba: *Is getting ready for a huge bash at his mansion. Just as he's cranking up the music, he hears a knock on the door...*

Mai: *Swings open the door, walks in, and looks around. She shakes her head* Where is everybody? We can't have a party with two people!

Kaiba: Hey, who invited you?

Mai: Shove it, richy! I'm don't need to be invited to the party. I am the party!

Kaiba: Whatever you say. *looks up as Joey comes charging into the room.*

Joey: Am I late? Did I miss dinna?!

Mai: Down, boy. You're the third one here.

Joey: Where is it?! Where is it?!

Kaiba: Where's what?

Joey: Da pizza! It ain't a party wit-out pizza! *looks up as a man with an American-bandana on his head comes to the door with three pizzas* Allllll-riiiiight! Dat's more like it! *Grabs the pizza from the guy and slams the door in his face* Now when do your guy's pizza's get here?

Mai: *rolls her eyes* Men and their stomachs.

Bandit Keith: Hey, what gives?!

Mai: *opens the door* Oh, I'm sorry, no losers allowed at the party!

Keith: But I was invited!

Mai: *glances at Kaiba before turning her attention back to Keith* Can I see your invitation?

Keith: *hands his letter to Mai*

Mai: *tears up the invite* Oh, I'm sorry, not anymore! *shoves him outside*

Keith: Hey, you can't -

Mai: *SLAM* Hey, Joey, how about sharing some of that pizza?

Joey: What does dis look like, some sorta chari-dee or sometin'? Get yer own!

Mai: *clenches her fists* Why you little punk-

Yugi: *quietly opens the door* Joey, Mai did give us food a while back, remember? The nicest thing would be to do the same for her.

Joey: *sighs* Oh right. Well...I guess she could have a piece or sometin'...

Mai: *takes a slice* How generous of you...

Joey: I'll say! *glances around the room* So who else's comin', anyway?

Yugi: *tugs on his sleeve* Joey...you're standing on my foot.

Joey: *steps back* Whoops! Sorry Yugi! Didn't see ya dere! *suddenly looks tense* Hey, dat Australian guy that helped kidnap me isn't here, is he? 'Cuz if he is---I wanna deal 'em one!

Mai: No he's not. But speaking of phony accents...*her gaze is now directed towards the kid that is entering the doorway*

Bakura: *walks in* Am I late?

Mai: You are if you want anything to eat.

Bakura: Oh, that's alright, I... *blanks out*

Yugi: Uh, Bakura? Are you okay?

Bakura: *loses his accent and voice gets all low* Heh, I'm just fine...

Joey: Dis is gettin' freaky!

Bakura: *Points to Kaiba, Yugi, Mai and Joey* Tremble mortals! For you have angered the souls of the cards!

Joey: Man! Dis guy gets crankier den me when he's hungry! Here, Bakura...have some pizza. *hands him a slice*

Bakura: *examines the food* The spirits find your peace offering...acceptable. *takes a bite and sits in the corner*

Kaiba: Great. I throw a party and it turns into a freak fest.

Mai: I've seen worse. Have some pizza. *grabs one of the boxes from Joey*

Joey: Hey, give dat back! Dat's my pizza!

Mai: Oh, please! You could never finish three whole boxes!

Joey: Oh ya?! Watch me! *starts scarfing down pizza*

Mai: You'd think I'd know better than that...

Tristan: *bursts through the door* Hey! What's the big idea?! Why was everyone invited to this thing but me? *shakes his fist* I even saw that stupid Bandit Keith guy walking up the driveway!

Joey: Sorry, Tristan. It's not dat you weren't invited. I think everyone just...kinda forgot about ya.

Kaiba: Do you realize that in all the times we've encountered each other, you and I have never actually exchanged any words?

Tristan: *lost in thought for a moment.* Hey, that is strange. Hmm...*Goes off into a corner to think---almost as if he has no purpose in being at the party in the first place...*

Téa: *comes in through the open door* Hey, what's going on? I saw Tristan storm up to the door. He seemed pretty mad. *Sees Bakura in one corner and Tristan in another* Okay, that's weird...

Mai: Kaiba, did you actually invite anyone?

Joey: *walks up to Téa while eating his seventh piece of pizza* Hiya, Téa. Pizza?

Téa: *makes a face* Gross! That was in your mouth!

Joey: *wipes cheese off of face* Well not dis one! Here! *points to another pizza box in the corner next to Tristan*

Kaiba: I blame this only on myself. I should have known that if I invited Yugi, I would get his entire entourage.

Joey: *scratches his head* Onter-whatta?

Kaiba: *pulls a briefcase out from under a table* It's no matter. I was prepared for this---I know what will liven up this party. My innovated dueling discs...

Joey: Looks like an ordinary briefcase to me.

Kaiba: It's in the briefcase, you moron. *Kneels down and pulls out two sets of discs.* Who wants to go first?

Mai: Wait a minute, are you telling me Yugi is the only person you invited?

Joey: You wanna duel?! Ya got it!

Téa: Um, Joey, you do remember what happened last time, right?

Kaiba: I do recall that encounter, Joey. I beat you like a dog.

Joey: Hey! *Glares at him* Don't call me dat!

Kaiba: Actually, I invited Yugi so that I could have a proper duel against him.

Yugi: Kaiba...Joey has improved since you last fought him. Perhaps you should give him a chance to redeem himself.

Kaiba: And Another chance for me to watch him cower. Fine. *slides the disc on his hand and locks his deck in place* It's time TO DUEL!

Yugi: *to himself* He stole my line...

Kaiba: *tosses the other disk to Joey* Let's see if you have improved enough to survive for at least 5 minutes.

Joey: *Drops the pizza boxes and catches the disk* You're in for it, Kaiba! Dis time, I know what I'm doin'! *loads cards in slot*

Yugi: Uh, Joey...

Joey: Not now, Yoog. I'm duelin'!

Yugi: But Joey-

Joey: I told ya---not while I'm- *yelps as the disc flies from his hand and flies towards Kaiba. The boy ducks just in time---the disc crashes into a computer screen behind him.*

Joey: Eh-heh-heh... *the glass shatters and a puff of smoke rises out.* Oops...

Kaiba: My machine! That took me an entire year to build!

Joey: Hey, hey! It's okay! Look! I can fix it! *runs up to it and presses a button. An alarm starts to sound.*

Computer: Self-destruction sequence activated...

Joey: Waaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Kaiba: You imbecile! Now my entire house will blow up!

Joey: Hey, waita minute...you were the one who made your house have a self-deacta-whatzit!

Computer: Ten seconds until ignition...

Kaiba: I never imagined anyone would be idiotic enough to press it. But I guess I should have known, dogs can't read! *points to a warning sign next to the button*

Computer: Eight seconds until ignition...

Téa: Uh, guys? Shouldn't we be leaving?

Bakura: *finishes his pizza slice* The spirits have decide they want more pizza! Appease them or be punished!

Computer: Five seconds until ignition...

Joey: Dis is just great!

Kaiba: It's your fault, you know.

Computer: Three seconds until ignition...

Yugi: Isn't there some way to deactivate it or something?!

Bakura: You ignore me! Now you die!

Computer: One second until ignition...

Joey: What's Bakura doin'?

Bakura: *starts to strangle Joey* More pizza! Spirits demand...pizza!

Joey: *pushes him away* Get offa me, ya freak of naitcha!

Téa: Let's go!!! *starts to run for the door, followed by Tristan.*

Joey: BOOOOOOM! *laughs as everyone ducks* Just kiddin'. It hasn't really- *Yugi grabs him and shoves him out the door.* But wait! The pizza!

Computer: Self destruct sequence will commence...NOW!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!! *The characters all come dashing out in the nick of time.*

Joey: *Looks back as the house is engulfed in flames.* (in slow motion) NOT-THE PIIIIIZAAAAAA!*reaches out in dismay* But dat pizza was still good! *Falls to his knees.* It was still good…

Mai: What a pathetic display.

Téa: At least no one's hurt.

Joey: Wait! Where's Yugi?! Oh no! He pushed me out, but he didn't have time ta save himself!

Yugi: I'm standing right here...Just look down.

Joey: Thank goodness! I was scared outta my mind!

Kaiba: You blew up my house!

Tristan: Has anyone else noticed that this party has taken a turn for the weirdest...?

Kaiba: You blew up my house!!!

Yugi: You're right, Téa! The important thing is that nobody was hurt!

Kaiba: You blew up my house!!!!!

Bakura: *changes back to normal* What happened?

Joey: We lost da pizza!

Kaiba: YOU BLEW UP MY HOUSE!!!!!!! *grabs Joey's arm and forces him onto the ground*

Joey: AAAAAHHH! Help!

Mai: What an interesting turn of events...

Kaiba: *is now chasing Joey with a pizza cutter*

Tea: Alls well that ends well...

Yugi: I guess so. *watches as Joey starts to beat Kaiba with a shoe.* It's just too bad Kaiba lost his house.

Téa: He'll buy another one.

Mai: And then we can have another party.

Bakura: Yes, another party...mwah ha ha ha ha!

Yugi: Bakura?

Bakura: Uh---I mean...that would be quite splendid.

Kaiba: *is now dragging Joey by the foot as the boy reaches out to the ground for dear life*

*a disc flies out of nowhere and crashes into your computer screen.*

THE END