Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Koware na Hato ❯ Keppaku ( Chapter 6 )

Koware-Yasui Hato

by: Yumei

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A/N: ^^' Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been having some trouble with a friend who was thinking about…the SUI word that leads people to DEA…n.n; I've been depressed as well… I'm very glad to be posting again X_x; Arigatou for minna-san's reviews ^^
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Chapter Six: Keppaku

Under the starless skies and in the cold of the night, may those in pain finally find their light. Bakura brushed his fingers gently over Ryou's pale cheek. "Good…the scar is almost gone… Then there will be nothing more to hide your pale innocence."

Ryou looked back intently at the person lying on top of him. He had so many questions he wanted to ask and things to tell him… He wanted to know why he felt different now, why he couldn't cry even when he wanted to. But above all the other things, he wanted to know who that other person was. That person with the name Kawatori. The person who had put his yami through such grief as well as happiness and love. Most of all, he wondered, why did the name seem so familiar in a friendly way?

Shifting a bit nervously, Bakura rolled off from on top of the other boy to lie beside him on the bed after their actions. He looked up at the ceiling to avoid his probing brown eyes. "What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"What…what's wrong with me?" the other boy finally whispered, rolling over to look at his yami. "I've changed… I feel so different from before. Why can't I cry anymore? Why do I feel so dirty? Why…why are you so sad now?"

Bakura looked away from the ceiling and turned his body away from the other boy. How much pain could one person deal with? He could easily answer these questions, even the question of his sadness. What is that horrible feeling deep within his heart? It hurt so much, how could he bare to speak? He was at a loss of words. So much was true… After just once, Ryou had truly changed. The sparkle of his innocence had faded and his smiles were lost. Oh damn, what had he done? There must have been a better way…

"Please tell me. I know you're trying to protect me, but I don't need it," the smaller boy said firmly. "There is…no truth in what is not spoken… Silence is still a lie that has not yet come out…and I, I want the truth. Just once, I want to be brave for you."

The ache in his heart was unbearable. A heavy blanket of guilt covered him, an unexplainable sadness stabbed at his heart and seemed not to let go. So he had figured it out. Despite the shield of cold and ice he had surrounded himself in, only his soulmate could see through it. "You don't need to be brave for me. Be brave for yourself. As for how you've changed…it's because we are more 'one' than we ever were before. I still…need to protect you."

Ryou could just barely hear the last line muttered. He felt a thin blush cover his pale face. "Kara…kage-sama…"

Finding it hard to hold back a smirk, Bakura rolled to face the other way to hide his silent chuckling. So there was color in the boy's face after all.

"I…I want to know who he is," Ryou said as firmly as he could, sitting up. He shivered slightly as the thin sheet slid off of his shoulders, exposing his bare upper half. "Karakage-sama, who is Kawatori-san?"

Visibly stiffening, Bakura buried his face into the pillow. I'm not too sure myself… "You don't need to know about that, Ryou. He is of no importance anymore. I'd like to just forget he ever existed."

"That…that's a terrible thing to say," Ryou said, his lip quivering. "I've seen it before…the sparkle in your eyes when you thought about him, or called me by his name. Why won't you tell me about him? How could you want to forget someone that was so dear to you before?"

"The past tends to repeat itself," he snapped back harshly. "All I've ever had in my past life is pain and hurt. I don't need any more of it. You don't need any more of it. Maybe I did care for him before…though I'd like to hate him for doing such a thing to me…"

"W-what did he do to you, Karakage-sama? Please tell me. Please." Ryou looked at his yami with a silent beg in his eyes. The same look that seemed to haunt Bakura in his dreams and nightmares.

"It was…a long time ago and I've just only remembered the details myself," Bakura admitted quietly, sitting up, his back still faced towards Ryou. It would be painful to bring these memories back to surface again. Though it may benefit him as well. Perhaps all he truly needed was someone to tell about his pain and misery. But no words of comfort or care could ever heal his crumbled and broken heart. "All the images and memories were so fuzzy before. I'm still not sure…not at all…just who he is."

Though he felt guilty to go on with persistently asking about Kawatori, Ryou felt it was something he needed to know. By the trembling of his back, Ryou could tell that his yami was a bit afraid of this as well. "Please… I want to know why Karakage-sama is sad. Please tell me."

Bakura drew in his breath painfully. He should have seen this coming. This question of the past would eventually come up. He simply hadn't expected it to come so soon. It was too soon for him and far too soon for him to tell this to Ryou. He could hardly deal with this himself, how could he lay it on another person's shoulders? The truth was far more difficult than what he knew so far. But did he truly want to know what the truth was? "It was…very long ago… I met him before a river. He had always been a beautiful 'river bird'…"

***

I had been running for hours then, fleeing from the fools who were attempting to catch me. Though it was simple to tell me apart from the others, I looked nothing at all like an Egyptian, the pharaoh's guards could never catch me. It wasn't long before I found myself walking towards the Nile, eager for a drink. After a robbery, I would always be thirsty…

As I walked towards the banks of the river, trudging though the dampened sand and through the long papyrus plants growing there, my eyes locked upon something that made me suddenly immobile. The very first moment I saw him, I felt my breath quickly draw in and my entire body shut down for a second or so. There was a foreign boy bathing in the river.

I could easily tell he wasn't an Egyptian. It was strange. Like me, his hair was light. His skin was fair and pale unlike the dark native Egyptians who had been born and raised under the greatly intense heat of the sun and in the dry deserts. That boy…fascinated me.

He must have noticed I was watching him for the next thing he did was stand up out of the clear water and walked towards me with a smirk on his face. My lips were already parched from running, but this would have made me die. All I could do was fall back to hide my face as the boy laughed at me with his silky voice.

I could only bear it long enough to hear his name before running away in my embarrassment and shock. It was rather foolish of me to keep yearning to meet him again as I did, but I couldn't seem to stop. I foolishly longed for the day I would see him again. That glint in his eyes made me crave them more and more until I could bear it no longer. I had to see him again. Though that simply wasn't enough either…

"Have you been looking for me for all this time?" he had asked me with that same smirk as before. Yes, it was true. I had searched every corner of Egypt looking for him, but of course, I never would have told such a "brat" that. Confusion easily clouded my thoughts and my mind itself.

"Why would I waste my time on you?" I had responded harshly. I had wished that I hadn't said such a thing; fear that he would leave at my words. Much to my surprise, he laughed at me and smiled. Why would someone smile at me? I was hated. I was a thief that the pharaoh's guards hunted. An abandoned child still with a coldness that drove people away had this beautiful boy smiling at him.

"You seem to act cold, but I see that you are lonely and afraid. The name 'Karakage' I will give to you. 'Kara' for emptiness and 'kage' for shade. I've grown fond of your face," he said with an air that gave me strange urges that I had never experienced before. Since that time, he had called me nothing else but this "Karakage" name. Sometimes I do wonder if he knew my real name at all. Blind as I was, I had not realized at all that I had fallen madly and deeply in love with him, even though all I knew about him was his name, "Kawatori."

We would occasionally meet each other face to face, and he must not have I known that I was always with him since then. I watched him carefully, with a jealous eye on every person who would touch him or speak to him, for I certainly could not. He had such a rebellious nature, I had noticed, he never seemed to want to cooperate with those people though. How I wanted to touch him…

One day as I watched him, I saw him crying. The moment I saw those sparkling tears slide down his face, I felt a strange stab in my chest. Before I had known, he ran to me and threw his arms around me in an embrace. He had known I was with him all along.

After the time I had seen his tears, there had rarely been a day we were not seen together. He had told me that he wanted to be a strong person, but he was truly broken on the inside. "One day, I know that you will help me to be strong…"

I could never live through one day without seeing his face, yet I was still so confused about why I felt that way. I had never felt such strong emotions before. Strangely enough, it had even the power enough to melt my anger and hate. Perhaps it was this that led me to be weak without defenses to my then opened heart. Things seemed so wonderful. How was I to know that my heart would soon shatter and that my river bird would be forever caged in the fiery pits of hell?

I was so quickly changed. It happened so fast, I hadn't seen it coming, but of course, he did. He had seen my change and then confessed to me the words that would haunt me for the rest of my lives. "I love you, Karakage-sama."

My heart was unprotected and suddenly skipped a beat at those words. Far before I could understand myself and what this meant, my mouth had spoken, "I love you too." So this was the feeling. I was desperately in love with him. Another boy. A boy who was younger than I and a far better person than myself. I must not have thought about it long enough when I agreed to make love to him as he asked me to. I would have done anything for him and I was punished for it.

The night we made love was burned into my mind. Between our heat ed kisses and caresses, we would tell each other that we loved each other. I loved him so much my heart ached at the thought of not being able to hold him every moment of the next day and days to come.

Society frowned upon us. Especially that devil of a father that my dove had. Such an evil man… I would have killed him with my bare hands if Kawatori had not asked me to spare him. I would never forget the anger that burned in my body and heart when I found out that my dove had been raped by that bastard. I should have killed him…

For months after that violation, Kawatori rarely spoke much at all. He would spend his time in utter silence, staring up into the sky. Tears always threatened to fall, no matter how strong he tried to be. I was afraid to touch him. I didn't want to harm him at all. All I could do was watch him from my place behind him that seemed more than millions of miles away. If love was such a wonderful thing, then why did I feel so hurt, lost, and in more pain than whippings of the guards could ever bring?

Those rare times that he did speak, it was in a foreign language I could never understand. As strong as I pretended to be, my tears were more steadily flowing than Kawatori's. I would hold him closely and reassure him that I loved him, but what good did that do in the end? What good is love at all?

One day, he spoke. The moment I realized he was speaking to me, I rushed to his side. He spoke the words that were like the coldest poison was to me. He wanted to die. Die… My precious dove wanted to die…

Never had I felt so much pain in my life. The moment those words were spoken I wanted to die as well. I wouldn't let him die. Everyday I reminded him of the future we would have together, no matter what the people thought of us. As long as we were together… For a little while longer, he held on. I supposed he was doing so because I had begged him so. If only it wasn't for such a little time…

Despite the dreams he had for us and my pitiful pleas, Kawatori killed himself. In my arms, with my own dagger… The moment that jagged metal was jammed into his stomach, I felt like it was jammed into my heart. I was torn forever and would mourn the rest of my life. Or so I thought…

Soon I had betrayed myself. I wanted to hate him for leaving me alone. After being with me for that time; after the happiness he had had together, he went off and killed himself. I wanted to forget him, forget I had ever met him. My bitter tears were turned into anger and I never seemed to have feelings again. I never want to have my heart shattered again. Therefore, I will never open it again…

***

Bakura closed his eyes and hugged his bare shoulders together. Horrid memories… He wanted to bury them and forget them for good. Yet still…

Why did it all seem so familiar? Ryou brought his eyes up to look at the bare back of his yami. His eyes seemed so sad even when he spoke the words of anger and hate, his eyes were clouded with sorrow and angst. Why did it hurt so much to listen? This was what he wanted. He wanted to know about Kawatori and he heard all of it. But how can he be happy or relieved when his yami was so depressed and hurt? He could feel a deep aching sensation within him that stirred deep in his heart. Something would soon awaken within him, and he would know for himself soon enough…

"I want to be…Karakage-sama's dove…"

Through all the pain and suffering; the damaging things I had said and done. Why did he still want to be with me? He still loved me…

The same way it is now. I can no longer neglect his existence. Ryou… Why does he care at all? I…am not worthy enough to be loved. I deserve no emotions from anyone other than hate. So why does he care…?

"Ryou…" Reaching over, Bakura pulled the other boy into a tight embrace, kissing his lips with a lack of force. His hands slid around the boy's bare waist and held them there. "I am…not worthy of you. I am not worthy of anyone. Even the rays of Ra have shun away from me. I never want to have that feeling again."

"But I…" Ryou lay back down on the soft sheets and pulled his yami down on top of him. In a quiet whisper and a brush of a kiss, he muttered, "…want you."

A dove is a fragile bird who's wings could easily broken; heart easily shattered. Yet the purity of those wings will remain white, whether once stained by blood or tears, those feathers will all be white again someday.

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A/N: ._. I think it made no sense at all XD. *sigh* >.>; Many people have asked me for the meanings of the chapter titles and because I don't want any more confusion, I've listed them below: x.x

1) "Nakaikasu" - To weep all night

2) "Junjoukaren" - Pure of heart and beautiful

3) "Wareru" - To be torn

4) "Ketsurui" - Bitter tears; tears of blood

5) "Buin" - Long silence

6) "Keppaku" - Innocence; purity

Eh heh…x_X; I guess I should start translating the titles on the chapters to come as well. I was so surprised that people were reading, some even enjoying, this story ._.; *scratches head* though I seem to be coming up as a failure XD

Ê to… Gomen ne. This chapter seemed to be all history stuff that I could have just put in the other story that would match this one >_>; Once I post it, that is. If anyone is interested, I do keeps clips and pieces of this fic, and others, in my web blog entries at:

http://ix.1sound.com/dyingdreamer

n_n; doumo for your time and I'll post as soon as I can. *bow bow bow* ^^;