Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Leave Sanity at the Door ❯ Silently Screaming ( Chapter 6 )

AN: Sorry this took so long to update but this will be the last update on this fic and maybe my other fic for a while. I am going for a Japanese minor but have to go as a guest student to another college for it. And I have to take a placement test so for the next two weeks I'm going to be studying my ass off but if I get a few free moments I'll try to work on this or my other fic but don't be surprised if it takes a while to see an update. Also sorry this is kind of short but I wanted to get something out since a lot happens in this chapter. So even though it's short I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 6: "Silently Screaming"

He had locked himself up in him room for the rest of the night contemplating. 'What is going on? What's with all the head games and all this reading people shit? Why is everything so fucking complicated?!' He rolled on his side to see his clock reading somewhere around 1:30 AM. 'Ok calm down and think this through logically. First you were sent here because you went too far with cutting. But they don't just want you to stop cutting they want you to start 'being yourself' or there's a good chance I'm not going to see my brother ever again.' He took a deep breath trying to hold down his frustration. 'I will see my brother again, it may just take a while, but I will see him again,' he repeated trying to reassure himself. 'I wonder if he misses me,' he thought idly before burying his head in his pillow. 'Don't think about things like that it'll only make you regret.' He took a few more deep calming breaths as he adjusted his head on his pillow.

'OK first day here you run into this cute girl-' He mentally smacked himself as he fought the heat he knew was on his face. 'You met this GIRL who apparently trusts nobody and nothing and can't remember whatever made her go mute.' He didn't know that for sure but from what he had been able to get from Anzu and the doctor that's about what he pieced together. 'She automatically tries conversing with me, and then for some UNKNOWN reason later I see her being bullied and help her. Why did I help her? I've seen kids being bullied all the time. I saw that Yugi kid one time who owns the game shop being pushed around and didn't think twice. Why did I help her?' He couldn't help but feel confused and at the same time felt his heart beating heavily against his rib cage as he thought back to that little smile she gave him when he helped her and then didn't try and invade her personal space. That cute little smile that she gave only to him. He shook his head to clear it before throwing himself on his back now staring at the ceiling.

'Then after I guess when I let her be my friend I was also her first friend, but why me?' He didn't linger on this thought too long. 'She actually wants to be closer to me, but not the doctor or anybody else. Then she comes to me crying likes she expects me to comfort her. And for some reason I do, then I go out on a limb and say I'll protect her.' The words 'protect her' seemed to echo in his mind. 'If what the doctor says is true, does she really trust me…that much?' He felt the heat rise to his face again but didn't try to smother it. 'Do I…trust her that much…?' His poor brain already being wracked finally gave out and let him fall into an exhausted sleep without an answer. At least not a real answer, only clues.

He took a deep breath to calm himself as he came from his first 'group session.' What a crock! They went in there and sat in a circle with a certain subject and said how they feel about it. If any of them really were like him why the hell would they think they were telling the truth? He sighed and went to his bedroom not giving the other side a second glance. He was actually feeling a bit guilty about yesterday over the incident. 'Why the hell should I feel guilty? She's the one who was toying with me!' He threw himself on his bed and grabbed his arm that seemed to be throbbing. He looked over the scar left on his arm from the last time he had been able to 'relive' himself. He wished there was something, anything that would take away this pain.

He groaned and rolled over putting his arm under his pillow and staring at the wall. 'Will I ever get out of here? Does it matter? I mean I've probably already hurt my brother. He's probably too embarrassed to even call me his brother anymore.' He felt tears threatening to spill and the throbbing in his arm seemed to increase. It hit him then, he had really hit bottom. 'I don't have any friends, I don't have my brother. I can't even end it no matter how much this hurts,' he thought defeated. He sat up suddenly and turned punching the wall behind his bed. He heard a sickening cracking sound and saw red. There was a bloody imprint on his wall where his fist had hit. Pain surged through his hand, he was almost sure he had broken something, maybe one of his knuckles.

He felt himself almost smile as the pain burned in his hands, the pain being a relief from the thoughts throbbing in his head. He pulled back his injured hand before once again throwing it at the wall created a red dent and sighed in contentment as the pain shot through his body. He pulled back his arm once more but before it could once again hit the wall an arm reached out and grabbed it. He looked back at a white-clad orderly who was calling for others. He struggled against the grip and heard screaming, rage deeply laced within that voice. He was pulled to the bed and held down, so many arms reaching out and grabbing him. He heard that same angry voice shouting obscenities and screeching like some hell-bound demon. He looked up as he saw something metallic flash in the light before it pierced the skin and saw red running down his arm. Before the sedative kicked in he realized that screaming angry voice…was his own.

He woke up hours later feeling groggy and disoriented. 'What happened?' He tried to sit up but felt pain rip through his body and looked to his left arm. There was a bandage around his hand and he noticed his limbs were held down by restraints. It was then he also noticed he was not in his own bed, or at least the bed assigned to him in this place. He looked up and saw medical supplies everywhere and two more empty beds to his right. 'Am I in the infirmary?' He looked over as he heard a door open.

"Looks like you're finally up," came a familiar male voice and he looked over to see the doctor he had run into yesterday. He cast his eyes downward. "Gave us quite a scare you know, we had hopes that because of your attitude you wouldn't have to be here long. Ryou felt a sting in his eyes as his words hit home. 'Does he mean…I'm going to be here for a lot longer?' "You're lucky Dr. Kujaku talked on your behalf or they would have moved you up to security 2." Ryou winced remembering how she said only level 1's such as himself had such freedoms that they were treated almost equally. "Guess she must really see something in you or she wouldn't have bothered. Just to tell you you're going to be camping out here until your knuckles heal." Ryou winced and looked over at his hand.

"H-how bad," he said just above a whisper.

"One busted knuckle, the rest is just scraped skin and bruising. Should only take about a week and a half to two weeks." Ryou nodded resigning himself to his fate. 'I can't believe I went off like that. It felt so good, if only for a second. But now…' He felt a pain in his stomach and a pang of something…'could it be guilt? Why should I feel guilty, I'm the only one hurt…right?'

"By the way, I think someone up there must really like it, besides Dr. Kujaku you've already had one visitor." Ryou looked over with a somewhat shocked look. 'It couldn't be.' "Anzu doesn't warm up to just anyone, you must be pretty special to really stir her up like that. Do me a favor?" Ryou looked up at him questioningly. "I know you probably think that you're not hurting anyone but yourself, but you didn't have to see her face when she heard. Please if not for yourself, for her, just give it up." Before Ryou could reply the man turned and walked out the door. Ryou was once again left alone with the silence, and his thoughts…

It was hours later when he was awakened by none other then Mai. "So feeling a little more docile now?" Ryou couldn't face her so he turned his head to look at the wall, his face impassive. "Was group session really that bad?"

"Of course not," his voice surprised her in the calmness and underlying cheerfulness. "What would make you think that?"

"A busted knuckle and a few stitches maybe," she said lightly taping his restrained hand. "Or is there something else going on below the surface that needs to be aired out."

"You're not very tactful you now," he said still quite cheerful.

"I can be when I want, but right now I'm in no mood for games and feel being blunt may be a better tactic right now." He looked over at her a smile still plastered on his face very different from the stern look she was giving him now. "I'm not joking Ryou. Do you want to be locked away? You at least have a chance to leave if you're in Security 1, do you know how long it takes, how many years it takes to get out of Security 2," she was all but yelling now. "And if you dare get thrown in Security 3 you may as well try and pull a stunt like that because that's your only way out," she was definitely yelling now. "I don't care if you think this is some kind of game, or if it's only about you, oh no one but me is getting hurt because that is bull! I had to talk to Anzu today because she was worried about you and it almost broke my heart! She looked as bad as your brother when I talked to him in the hospital!" Ryou's head snapped up and the cheery look on his face automatically disappeared.

"You talked to my brother?" Emotion was vacant from his face as he was struggling with what emotion would be the first to surface at this new information.

"Yes I did." She didn't want to reveal anything about his brother until he started getting it back together, but desperate times called for desperate measures. "He was heartbroken. He was almost as bad as you." Ryou felt like someone had just jabbed a steak through his heart. "He thought it was all his fault that you were hurting yourself. Blaming himself about how he should have noticed something sooner, how he should have tried to make you get along with his friends more or paid more attention to you. I saw that look once before because of you and I saw it again today because of you. I don't care if you think this is only affecting you but I'm here to tell you that it's not. Any kind of abuse, self-afflicted or not affects more then just that one person, it affects anyone who cares about him and hurts them maybe even more then the person being abused. Think of who you're really hurting before you try any shit like that again. Because if you get your ass sent to Security 2 I am not going to be the one to tell your brother, you will." With that she stormed out of the room leaving Ryou staring at her retreating form. It was silent for a few minutes before the first tear fell followed by many others as Ryou cried for the first time in a long time.

Anzu sat alone in her room looking through her cards and over the few board games she had scattered over her bed. Puzzles, crosswords, card games, she was doing all she could to try and keep her mind away from him. But it had yet to work. Tears still silently streamed down her face as she sniffled and tried to dry her eyes. The ache in her heart only grew as she thought of the few real moments they had had together. From the first time she saw him, to when he head rescued her from bullies, to when he had said he would protect her, to the look on his face yesterday when she asked him to kiss her. She did feel bad about what happened but Mai wasn't letting anyone see him. The only reason she had been able to see him earlier when he was out was because she had gotten to him before Mai.

His hand was so bloody she wanted to cry. 'Why would he do something like that? Why would he do that to himself? Is pain really his only alternative?' She winced as she pulled her hand back and saw a droplet of blood come from her finger. She had gotten a paper cut from shuffling her card deck. She watched the blood trickle slightly down her finger before stopping. It was only a small cut and it wouldn't bleed much. She brought her finger to her mouth and sucked on her wound. She blinked and looked at the cut again before looking at the ink pen lying next to her crossword. She had been given permission to use a pen because she was not into hurting herself for any kind of gratification. She looked at the pen and held it firmly in her hand as she held her other hand out palm down. She looked between the two as she felt her eyes water and a tear trickle down her face. She quickly blinked the tears away and threw the pen in the corner of her room before looking down at her shaking hands. 'What was I about to do? Was I really going to…?' At that moment she was more afraid of herself then she'd even been in her life. 'Ryou, what am I going to do without you…?'

AN: So what do ya think? I was in an angsty mood when I wrote this. But things always seem to get worse before they get better. Please review and I hope you enjoyed it!