Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Letting Go ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Title: Letting Go 1/2
Author: Kris Ice
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or anything related to that anime.
Warnings: mentions of violent death and attempted suicides
Pairings: mentions of SetoxJou, brotherly Seto + Mokuba
Type: yaoi, angst
Summary: Jou's been dead a year and Seto's heart seems to have died with him, but Mokuba's determined to get his brother back.
Betas: Katbcoll

*He's staring out the window again. I don't think he sleeps any more. In fact, all he seems to do is stand at that window and stare out. I know he hurts. So do I. But, it's been a year. I know Jou wouldn't want nii-sama to let himself wither away like this.* Mokuba sighed, leaning against the doorframe of his brother's room. *I'll bet anything he's trying to die again. Probably hopes I won't notice him slowly willing himself to death since I caught him all those other times.* He closed his eyes, shuddering as he remembered a desperate ambulance ride while paramedics tried to keep Seto's heart beating after the tall brunette had slit his wrists. Another shudder ran thought him as he remembered the worst time. He had walked in on Seto with a gun to his head. He had seriously thought that Seto was going to go ahead and pull the trigger, not caring that he'd be blowing his brains out in front of his little brother. Determination turned soft blue-grey eyes into steel. *I've had enough. We're getting out of here and I'm going to find some way, any way to get my brother back. I'm not going to lose both of them.*

"Pack a bag. We're leaving."

Seto Kaiba blinked, looking back to stare at his younger brother in surprise. The older boy had always been pale, but now his skin was so pale that it looked almost translucent. Seto's dark blue eyes looked huge in his gaunt face. "What?"

"You heard me." Mokuba stood in the doorway, his arms crossed as he glared at his brother. "We're leaving. I've had enough of it, Seto. He's gone, you hurt, I hurt, but I'm not going to let you..." His voice trailed off and he ducked as Seto threw a heavy bookend in his direction. As always, the older brother missed, but still, Mokuba had learned the hard way to be cautious. One time that bookend had come awfully close to hitting him in the side of the head.

"It's my fault he's dead," Seto hissed, bloodshot eyes again filling with tears before he turned away to stare off into the distance. He wasn't watching the sunset. Those frantic days were burned into his mind. When Mokuba had told him that Jou had been angry with Seto forgetting that they were going out and had left, he hadn't been too worried. But when Jou didn't come home before dawn, he was close to panicking. It had taken them three weeks to find his missing lover. Seto's fists clenched the railing of his balcony as he remembered charging in that warehouse only to see...

_________________________

Seto rushed ahead of the officers. He didn't care that he was breaking their procedure or that he could be putting himself in danger. The only thing that mattered was rescuing Jou.

___________________________________

He closed his eyes, shuddering, not wanting to remember, but unable to stop the flow of images.

___________________________________

Jou's slender, naked, pale body was covered with gaping wounds, several infected. There were whiplashes on just about ever inch of his body. Terrible burns covered his body but seemed concentrated between his legs. Large lacerations covered his chest. Only the blonde's face was untouched. Then, as a finishing touch, Jou had been crucified on a rough cross that was placed in the middle of the warehouse.

Seto ignored the sound of some of the officers being sick while others called for the medical examiner. He walked closer, unable to believe that his golden lover was gone. Then the greatest horror happened. When he whispered Jou's name, the blond's eyes opened. The officers had fallen into stunned silence while Seto touched his lover's face. One of the police officers - he couldn't remember who, as he hadn't been able to take his eyes from Jou's - grabbed a hammer and pulled the spikes from Jou's wrists and feet. Seto caught the blond as he was released and crouched on the floor, cradling his lover. Incredibly, Jou smiled.

"I knew you'd find me," he whispered in a broken voice.

"Shh.." Seto urged him, not bothering to blink back the tears running down his face.

Jou blinked, his eyes huge. "You're..crying for me?"

Seto hiccupped and held Jou as tightly as he dared. "I love you, don't leave me."

Jou smiled again and reached up to place a shaky, bloody hand on Seto's cheek. "I love you, too. Never forget that." He drew a ragged breath before coughing a little, blood trickling down from the corner of his mouth. "Be happy," he whispered before falling limp.

______________________

Later, it had been discovered that Jou's killer had been a woman that Seto had rejected some years before when she tried to force him into marriage. When her identity was discovered, the fire went out behind Seto's eyes. It seemed that his soul had died that day. The only consolation he had was that Yami had played a game with the woman soon after and she would never find peace again.

"I can't," Seto whispered, not turning to look at his brother.

Mokuba's heart clenched and tears came to his eyes, but he refused to walk away like he had every time before. "We're leaving, nii-sama." He restrained the urge to flinch when dead sapphire eyes turned to stare at him. "Go, take a shower. I'll pack your bag."

Seto looked like he was going to protest, but then he sighed. He was too tired to argue. What did it matter anyway? He wasn't going to get over Jou being dead. He left the guest bedroom where he had started sleeping a year ago and walked toward his bedroom door, intending to grab fresh clothes from his closet. As he grabbed the doorknob and started to open it, he froze, whimpering as he was assaulted by haunting memories of laughter and love.

Mokuba reached out and pried Seto's hand off the doorknob before leading him down the hall to his room. He pushed Seto toward the bathroom attached to his bedroom then released his hand. "Take a shower, Seto. I'll bring you some clothes and pack you a bag." The younger boy's heart clenched when his big brother silently obeyed instead of arguing. He shut the door behind him when he left, giving Seto that much privacy as well as showing Seto that he trusted him alone for a while. Besides, there was nothing in there he could use to hurt himself.

Back in Seto's room, Mokuba opened the closet to look for suitable clothes. He winced when he noticed that Jou's clothes were still in there. The taller boy hadn't been able to let go even that much. Ruthlessly, Mokuba shoved down the urge to cry and started shuffling through his brother's clothes. He didn't want to grab anything that would directly remind Seto of Jou, so all of his dress clothes were out. Besides, Mokuba wanted to take Seto some place casual so he could relax. Several minutes later, the dark-haired boy growled in frustration. Seto, it turned out, didn't own much in the way of casual clothes. In fact, almost all of the ones he did Jou had bought for him because the blond had told Seto repeatedly that he needed to relax more.

Knowing that Seto would only be in the shower so long, Mokuba took a deep breath and made a decision that could backfire badly on him. He packed three pairs of faded jeans, a pair of slacks, and a couple of Seto's leather pants. A couple of button up shirts also found their way into the suitcase. Mokuba's hand hovered over the dark blue shirt that matched his brother's eyes so well, but left it hanging. Jou had loved that shirt and Mokuba didn't want to rub salt in the wounds in his brother's heart. A few T-shirts came out of the dresser by the closet and were tucked into the suitcase as well. It had taken only a moment to discover which side of the chest of drawers was his brother's. That side was almost empty except for his underwear, socks, and some T-shirts. He grabbed a couple of belts when he remembered how Seto's pants had started hanging from his hips. Mokuba snorted, realizing that for the first time Seto's belts would be doing the job they were designed for rather than just for decoration.

While pulling out some underwear, Mokuba's hand encountered something cold and hard. Fearing it was another gun, Mokuba gingerly pulled it out. When he saw what he had found, he felt the tears well up in his eyes. It was the Duel Monsters card case that he had gotten Jou and Seto for Christmas last year, only a few days before Jou had died. With shaking hands he opened the case, and sobbed. There, nestled in the velvet-lined interior in the two spaces made for them were two Duel Monsters decks. With a trembling hand, he flipped up the top card of the deck on the left and found himself looking at a very familiar Blue Eyes. His hand shook even worse when he reached for the other deck. Like he suspected, the top card was Jou's Red Eyes, the edges and back of the card still stained with long dried blood. The officers had found Jou's deck in the bloodied remains of his clothes not too far from where he had been crucified. He closed the case, sobbing as he remembered the looks on their faces when he explained why he got it. "That way, your decks can always be together like you two."

He started to put the case away when he caught himself staring down at the intertwined Blue Eyes and Red Eyes on the lid. Impulsively, he stashed the case in the false bottom of the case where Seto generally put top-secret documents when he had to travel. Quickly, he finished packing everything and carried the suitcase to the stairway before running back to get Seto some clothes. He picked a pair of black jeans and a black T-shirt since he knew that Seto rarely wore anything but black anymore. He deliberately didn't grab one of Seto's trench coats because he didn't think his big brother could handle the recognition right now. Instead, he grabbed a shorter winter coat that Seto had received as a gift from a business associate some years ago. The woman had been almost like a friend to the much younger CEO. She had never tried to take advantage of him and had expressed delight many times when they had spoken at business dinner. Mokuba's lips curled into a sad smile as he remembered the impressive spread with a wide variety of flowers she had sent for Jou's funeral.

In his bathroom, Mokuba found Seto sitting on the toilet lid, a towel hanging limply from his hand. "Here." He held out the clothes. "Get dressed. I'll pack for me then I'll call the driver."

Seto sighed and nodded, mechanically pulling the clothes on.

Mokuba packed his own suitcase faster than he had Seto's because he wouldn't be as picky with what he would wear. He almost forgot to pack Seto's old laptop and seriously considered leaving it behind, but knew he'd regret it if there was an emergency and he couldn't help. Ever since Jou's death, running Kaiba Corp. had fallen to the younger brother who did his best to keep up with the company and school while keeping his brother alive.

Half an hour later, the brothers were on their way to the airport. Mokuba called ahead, making sure that everything was ready. After confirming that the jet was ready, Mokuba kept one eye on his brother while he informed the airport of their flight plan. Noting Seto's lack of reaction, the younger boy realized that Seto wasn't paying attention to anything around him again. Mokuba sighed as he closed the phone and tucked it into his pocket and prayed he hadn't made a mistake. He just hoped that Seto could forgive him someday for dragging him to a mountain cabin a few miles from the nearest town. He hoped that the distance would show Seto that he trusted him, and hoped the small cabin would force his older brother to interact with him. Studying his brother with a sad look in his eyes, Mokuba hoped that this drastic change would help Seto to lay his demons to rest before they destroyed his soul.