Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Love Potion Number Nine And Three-Quarters ❯ One-Shot

Love Potion Number 9.75

A Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfic

Brenna "Snakelady" Dawkins

Rating: R sexual situations, humor

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh and subsequent characters don't belong to me. Actually, I have no idea who they belong to. But it'd be pretty useless to sue me since I have nothing!

Summary: Joey is having girl troubles. The gang runs into a special apothecary and Joey drinks a love potion that should solve all his problems. The trouble is, it only causes more problems. Some yaoi! Joey/everyone pairings!

Joey gripped Mai's shoulders as he felt himself near the breaking point.

"God! I'm almost there! Wait!" Mai panted underneath him.

Joey nodded, his sweaty bangs getting into his eyes, but he barely noticed. "I can't for much longer, fer Goddsakes!" Joey groaned.

It seemed ages passed, "Now?" He grunted with the need to release himself within her.

"Oh yes!" She screamed at him and wrapped her arms tightly around him and he thanked God as he finally came in her.

He paused afterwards, gulping in deep breaths of relief after the exercise then reared back in shock at the sharp slap to his face. He blinked his eyes in surprise and stared at an angry Mai.

"Jeeze! What'd ya do that for?" He asked the girl angrily.

Mai snorted, "Get off me!" And when he didn't move fast enough, she shoved him off of her. He rolled off onto the dusty forest ground and swiped a hand through his damp hair. "You are a real jerk, you know that?" She told him angrily as she rearranged her ruffled clothing before she stood.

"What's with you? Didn't you come?" Joey asked, still confused as he buttoned his pants and stood too.

Mai's eyes looked fierce, "Do you know what you said when you did?"

Joey blankly looked at her then shook his head, "Er, no."

"You were moaning Tea's name over and over, you insensitive jerk!" Mai screamed at him.

"No way!" Joey tried to deny it but was only fooling himself. He didn't fool Mai.

"Listen to me, Joey Wheeler, the sex with you is great, but lately I'm wanting a little more."

Joey stood beside her, "But, I thought the only reason why we agreed to this was because neither one of us wanted any strings attached." It was true. In the beginning they had agreed that they would meet a couple nights a week on Pegasus's island and with no one else the wiser, sneak away and have some really great sex together. Neither wanted anything more out of the other than that. So now he was even more confused with Mai's words. Mai, of all people… wanting a commitment? "What? You wanna be girlfriend and boyfriend or somethin'?"

"And know that whenever you're with me you're really envisioning having sex with that looser Tea?" Mai spat and put her hands on her hips.

Joey shrugged. "So, what's the big deal? You were the one who suggested that since I'm a great lookin' guy and you're a great lookin' girl, it's only natural that we'd be together as long as we're free to scope out other great lookin' people."

"Tea would hardly be in our category!" Mai told him gruffly and began to walk away. "No more, Joey. Not until you can get over this ridiculous thing with that GIRL!" She stalked off, muttering to herself as she straightened her hair.

Joey sighed. Women! He'd never fully understand them. He sauntered back to where his friends were camped and curled up beside the fire. He couldn't fall asleep right away with his mind in such an active state, so he passed the time by staring across the camp at Tea's sleeping form. Mai was beautiful, Joey wasn't blind, and she had a tough spirit. Someone in her past had hurt her and though she had never imparted exactly what it was, he knew it tainted everything for her. Mai was a loner, suspicious of people's intentions, and had a fierce temper. Tea was different. Tea was innocence incarnate. Trusting and full of spirit, she was fully dedicated to her friends. She was Mai's complete opposite in almost every respect. So why did he find both ladies equally attractive? He rolled over so he couldn't see her and tried desperately to fall asleep.

The gang set off again in the morning. Joey didn't feel so great. He hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night. He trudged behind them quietly for a change. He noticed how Tea stole quick glances at his best buddy Yugi and knew that Tea had her heart set on the young Duelist. That made him feel miserable. Yug was a great guy and deserved to have a great girl. He felt guilty that he was setting his sites on her, though he had never seen if Yugi returned the interest Tea's way. He also had no idea if Tea held such feelings towards him.

It wasn't long before they stumbled upon an older guy who was struggling to push a wheeled cart up a hill.

"Need some help?" Yugi called out to the stranger.

"Yeah, I need to get this to Pegasus right away." The stranger panted.

"Pegasus? Why should we help?" Tristan harrumphed.

"Tristan!" Yugi admonished his friend and he and Tea moved to help heave the cart up the hill.

Bakura, Tristan and eventually Joey joined in to help haul the heavy cart up the incline. It took team effort and eventually they made it to the top. The man was very grateful.

"Wow, thanks a lot, kids! Hey, could you use anything out of my cart?" The merchant unlocked the cabinet doors atop the cart and displayed a huge inventory of various odds and ends within.

"Woah, look at all the junk!" Tristan whistled as he checked out the stuff.

"It's not junk!" The man said, "These are priceless treasures!"

Joey picked up one of the many glass bottles full of a mysterious liquid inside. "And just what is this?"

"That?" The man took the bottle from Joey, "That's love potion number nine. It makes anyone you wish fall in love with you. Priceless!"

"How much?" Joey asked, suddenly interested.

Tristan slapped Joey on his shoulder. "Come on, Joey, you really can't believe in that stuff, besides, it's priceless and that means…"

"Thirty dollars!" The man interjected.

"So much for priceless." Yugi whispered to Tea who giggled.

"I don't got no thirty bucks." Joey said ruefully.

"What's the matter, Joey, a little hard luck with the ladies?" Bakura kidded.

"Leave off." Joey muttered. "Look, I got five bucks. Will that do?"

The man shook his head, "A single drop of this stuff is worth more than five dollars."

"Don't, Joey. You don't need that stuff." Tea told the blonde and his heart skipped a beat. Did that mean she liked him after all, he wondered. "I'm sure you'll meet the right girl sooner or later if you're just patient enough."

Yugi nodded, "Come on, thanks, mister, but we're not interested. We gotta go." The gang bid the man farewell, but Joey hung back.

"Listen, you got anything that does the same job for five bucks?" Joey asked.

The man smiled, "If you're that desperate, for five dollars I can give you a swallow of love potion number nine and three quarters. It's for the less discriminating but with similar results."

"I'm there, dude!" Joey forked over his cash and eagerly downed his purchase. "God, that's awful stuff!" He choked.

"Well, I got to get a move on!" The man grabbed the bottle from Joey and hurriedly locked his cart back up and practically ran from the young blonde. Joey shrugged at the man's hasty departure and wondered what that was about. The man acted like the devil Himself was chasing him.

Joey hurried after his own group of friends. He jogged up beside Tea, hoping to test out the potion he had taken. "Think we ought to stop for lunch soon?"

Tea looked over at Joey and he made sure he was wearing his most dashing smile for her. He saw her eyes bulge as they fell upon him. Joey heard her gasp and she girlishly covered her mouth with her hands and giggled, then blushed and turned her head away from him. On the inside, Joey beamed. Tea was showing all the right signs! Somehow he had to manage to get her alone so he could finally play out the fantasy he always had with her whenever he and Mai were together. The only problem was that if he had sex with Tea, he wasn't sure if once would be enough. She was so sweet.

"Yeah, sounds good to me." Yugi was staring at Joey but Joey was too preoccupied with Tea and didn't notice.

So they stopped in a clearing and Tea offered to go gather some wood for a fire. As she offered, she was looking pointedly at Joey so that he got the hint.

"I'll help you out, Tea." Joey replied gallantly and the two went into the woods together.

Once they were out of earshot of the camp, Tea grabbed Joey's coat and pulled him to her. "Take me, Joey! I want you now!" She pulled him into a kiss, which he most willingly returned. He put his arms around her tiny waist and the two of them kissed passionately. It wasn't long before they were making love. Joey realized he was her first and was elated to how well received he was. They had finished up with a few more quick smooches before they returned to the group with a small armload of firewood.

"You were gone all that time and that's all the wood you managed to find?" Yugi asked.

"Well, fine. If it's not enough, I'll go and get some more." Joey said as he dropped his armload.

"This'll be a skimpy fire." Tristan was looking at Joey with a lascivious eye but Joey had already turned around and left the camp on the hunt for more firewood.

"I'll go get us some water." Yugi said innocently and left the camp quickly.

Tea held up the canteen Yugi had forgotten, "He's not going to be able to carry much without this."

Yugi had left out of the camp in the opposite direction Joey had taken, but smartly skirted around until he came upon the blonde who was industriously picking up dead wood. "Need some help?"

Joey gave a startled yelp and dropped his wood. "Man, Yug, ya scared me! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I'm sorry, Joey. Here, let me help you with that!" Yugi bent down and helped Joey pick up the dropped timber. He noticed as Joey flinched as he bent over. "What's the matter, Joey?"

"My shoulder, must've thrown it out back while I was picking up the last batch of wood." Joey said. Actually, Tea had done SOMETHING to him. He hadn't figured out what but now he was paying for it and it hurt.

"Here. Let me see." Yugi dropped his wood and made Joey sit down. "Tell me when I get to where it hurts." Yugi kneaded his friends back. When he got to the place, he heard Joey inhale sharply and tense. "That's the spot, alright." Yugi began to message Joey's back with an experts hand.

"Oh wow! That feels great, Yugi!" Joey breathed a sigh of relief.

Yugi smiled brightly, "I'm glad to hear you say that, Joey."

"Uh, yah. Sure. You're welcome." Joey replied. His body felt like jelly under his friends hands. Then he noticed Yugi's hands strayed lower and lower then suddenly Yugi was hugging him from behind. Joey froze uncertainly.

"You're my best friend, Joey." Yugi whispered into Joey's ear and then to Joey's utter surprise, he felt Yugi's tongue lap at his lobe. "I love you, Joey."

"Hey, listen, Yug, you're takin' this whole platonic experience a bit too far." Joey said slightly nervous.

"You-you-you don't love me?" The sheer pain in Yugi's voice made Joey regret he said that.

"You know I love you, Yug. I knew you loved me. I just didn't know you loved me in THAT way." Joey whispered, body still frozen.

"Is it okay?" Yugi asked quietly.

Joey thought about it quietly for a moment. He loved the kid. Yug was a great guy. He was one of the first true friends besides Tristan that he had and could always count on. He didn't want to loose that. Joey placed his hands over Yugi's that were still gripped around his middle.

"Sure, it's okay." Joey paused, trying to decide how far he was willing to go. "So, what do you want to do now?"

"Make love to me, Joey." Yugi suggested and licked his ear again.

Joey couldn't help himself. When Yugi licked his ear, it sent a fire down to his crotch. He'd never before even considered being with another guy, but Yugi was different. Besides, what's a little sex between friends?

"Sure." Joey said and scooted around and Yugi sat in his lap, throwing his arms around the blonde's neck and they smiled at each other shyly.

Yugi instigated the kiss. It was unsure and rather sloppy at first.

"You've never kissed anyone before, have you?" Joey asked when they broke away for a moment so Yugi could catch a breath.

Yugi glanced away and blushed, "Is it THAT obvious?"

Joey grinned lopsidedly, "There's always a first time for everything, Yug."

So Joey showed Yugi how to kiss. He couldn't believe it. He never thought he'd enjoy kissing another man, but here he was, kissing Yugi with as much excitement as if it had been Mai and Tea. And when he felt Yugi eagerly grope between his flaming crotch, he moaned which only encouraged Yugi. Their pants soon went missing and they coupled in the deep forest. When they eventually returned to the camp, they saw a glowering Seto Kaiba sitting around the dwindling fire with everyone else.

"What took you so long? Fire's almost out. How're we going to cook anything with out any firewood?" Tristan asked, noticing how both Yugi's and Joey's hair was out of place. "And where's that water, Yugi?"

"Oops. I… guess I forgot!" Yugi blushed and gave Joey a quick sidelong glance.

"And we need more firewood." Tea replied sighing as she noticed the pitiful amount Joey had gathered. "Go get us some more, huh? And not so little this time!"

"Fine, alright, already." Joey grumbled and walked back out of the camp.

Tristan watched his friend exit then quickly picked up the canteen, "I'll go for water this time." He hurried out of the camp after Joey.

Joey had to go farther away from camp to look for wood since he had picked clear what skimpy amount could be found close in. He heard Tristan calling his name.

"I'm over here!" Joey hollered, wondering what Tristan was doing out there.

"There you are."

"Come to make sure I get plenty of firewood?" Joey asked, rather irritated.

Tristan ducked his head and shuffled his feet uncharacteristically. "Er, no. That's not why I'm out here."

Joey continued to search for the wood. "So, what'er'ya doin' out here?"

"I came to see you."

Joey rolled his eye over in Tristan's direction. "Can't get enough of me, huh?" He said jokingly.

He heard Tristan sigh heavily and so he curiously stood and wondered what was bothering his friend. "No. I can't."

Joey balked and took a step back. "What?"

"I… love you… Joey."

"Uuuuh, I love you too, Tristan." Joey said, wondering what the hell was going on with all his friends.

That made Tristan grin wide enough that Joey thought the brown haired youth's face would split in half. "I was hoping you'd say that!"

"Say what?"

Tristan slowly approached Joey. "We just never had any time to our selves once this thing started. I've felt closer to you now then ever and I wanted to show you how much you mean to me. A-a-after all… what's a little sex between friends?" The last was said at a whisper.

Joey was blown away. What the…? First Yug and now Tristan? He knew he was good looking, but sheesh! Joey stood completely still as Tristan took a step into his personal space and leaned in. He felt Tristan's lips brush across his cheek tenderly but didn't back away. Instead, he leaned in and Tristan took that as a signal to draw his friend into a tight hug and planted a deep kiss on the lips. Tristan was an experienced kisser, Joey found out as Tristan's tongue probed inside his mouth.

They were too absorbed with the kiss to notice they had company.

"Oh, I see you two are… occupied."

Tristan and Joey broke apart, feeling embarrassed as Bakura stood there, witnessing their act of passion and somewhat annoyed that they were interrupted.

"Bakura! What are you doing out here!" Joey asked agitatedly then stopped his rant as he saw the young boy's eyes begin to brim with tears at his reprimand. "Jeeze, I'm sorry, Bakura."

Bakura looked from Tristan to Joey and then hung his head, "I… came out here… because I wanted to talk to Joey."

Joey had a feeling he knew what Bakura wanted to talk about so he whispered into Tristan's ear, "Would it be cool if Bakura joined us, if he wanted too?"

Tristan gave Bakura a long look, "I'm not interested in anyone but you. But, sure, I suppose, if I only get to do you."

Joey nodded, "Care to join us, Bakura?"

Bakura's face brightened considerably. Joey sighed. He was going to be real soar the next day. Bakura and Tristan didn't make love to each other but they shared Joey, each taking turns and waiting rather impatiently for a chance to have the blonde.

Joey limped back to camp, feeling soar in places he never knew he could feel soar in. He was also exhausted and was wondering what the hell was going on.

"Weren't you supposed to bring some firewood?" Seto asked him when Joey limped back.

"Er, I hurt myself in the woods. Tripped over a tree." Joey said lamely as he entered camp. He sighed, "I said I'll get some firewood, so I'll get some."

Joey sighed again and turned around.

"I'll help you." Seto was suddenly beside him and escorted a weary Joey out into the woods.

"Why are YOU helping me?" Joey asked tiredly. "I thought you didn't like us."

Seto shrugged, "Mokuba seems to like you lot."

Joey was quiet, then realized Seto was hugging him a little too closely. Joey sighed. "Whatever you want, Seto." What, was he EVERYONE'S gigolo today?

"It's been a long time for me, Joey. You seem like an okay guy. What's a little sex between enemies?" Seto asked.

Joey grunted and let Seto take the lead. Seto knew what he was doing, Joey realized and wondered who Seto practiced on.

"You've had some experience with the same sex." Seto rumbled surprised as he made love to Joey who's body felt like rubber.

"Only recently." Joey muttered truthfully as he let Seto take complete control. He was too tired to do much of anything and Seto seemed to enjoy taking charge. Seto was good too.

Once Seto and an exhausted Joey returned, they finally had a roaring fire going and they had some fish roasting on some sticks for lunch. Joey was too done in to be aware of his hunger.

"Joey, aren't you going to eat?" Yugi asked, shaking the blonde who was curled up on the ground, trying to sleep.

"Naw. I'm pooped!" Joey yawned. "You can have my share."

Yugi shrugged and the gang let Joey sleep for a little bit. But not for long since they had to keep searching for duelists. Joey felt uncomfortable among his friends. He'd slept with every one of them. He thought about his trouble with Mai and Tea and the love potion… Jeeze, it finally dawned on him why everyone found him utterly irresistible. That's what the man had meant about not being picky. Jeeze, he was an idiot! He sighed. It wasn't worth the trouble. That's it, he'd go celibate for the rest of the whole friggin' trip! But he had no idea how long the potion would last. It was cheap stuff, so he hoped it didn't last long. It was approaching dinnertime and they hadn't found a single duelist when Joey decided to see if the potion was still in effect. He sidled up to Tea.

"Hey, shouldn't we stop for dinner now?" He asked her, remembering to put on his dashing smile.

She just looked over at him, as if nothing had happened between them at all, "If you had joined us for lunch, instead of wasting all that time in the woods doing God knows what, you wouldn't be so hungry now."

Joey blinked. "But, you KNOW what WE did in the woods."

Tea looked at him funnily, "We gathered wood."

Joey's smile fell. "But, that's not ALL we did."

"What are you talking about?" Tea asked.

"You know what I'm talking about! How can anyone forget their first time?" Joey asked with a bit of heat.

"Their first time at what?" Tea asked really confused.

"Sex, Tea! Fer Godssakes!" Joey hissed.

Tea sidestepped away from Joey. "What ARE you talking about? I never had sex with you! Keep dreaming, Joey, `cause it'll never happen!" She hurried over to Yugi's side.

Joey couldn't believe it. She didn't remember! He moved back to Tristan's side.

"What's wrong with you, Joey?" Tristan asked him crossly. "You're acting all crazy."

"No thanks to you and Bakura." Joey groaned.

"What are you talking about? What did me and Bakura do?" Tristan asked.

Joey smacked himself in the head. Was he hearing things? Now Tristan and Bakura didn't remember their lovemaking. He could bet Yugi and Seto wouldn't remember either. Of all of them, Yugi not recalling their having sex was the one that would hurt him the most, he realized. Not even Tea somehow forgetting their session would hurt as much as Yugi forgetting. And forget Mai. He had a taste of Yugi and he knew once would not be enough for him. He inwardly groaned. Stupid love potion number nine and three quarters! Sure, it made everyone fall in love with him, but only until he had sex with him or her and then it was over with! And what's worse, it made him fall in love with someone he could never have! So he was quite unhappily back to where he started and had no idea how to solve this newest dilemma.

The End