Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Make it go away ❯ Hurt me ( Chapter 1 )
Ok, peeps…It's official now: I'M SUFFERING FROM A MAJOR WRITER'S BLOCK!
So I'm writing this little thing in an attempt of getting rid of it..
I'm in a really bad mood now, so don't expect it to be a happy chapter -_-
Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a girl, her name was Kamilla, she was heartbroken because she didn't own Yu-Gi-Oh, so she wrote a fic to show everyone her love for the anime. The end.
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A shadow's cry, a whisper in the wind.
A story by ~ Intemptesta Nox
The blade shone so dangerously beautiful in the sharp light being cast by the small lamp on the nightstand.
As a tomb raider he had always lover shiny things.
It reflected his leering expression perfectly, a worthy opponent, not some weakling like his hikari.. He had such a gentle and fragile heart, nothing like him, the heartless tomb raider, at all.
But he was afraid, afraid that Ryou would turn his back on him and betray him for the Pharaoh, then he would be all alone again, just like before.
It was a agonizing and poisonous venom that penetrated his body slowly, it came creeping when you least expected it, like a crouching tiger secretly sneaking up on it's pray.
Yami Bakura looked sideways at the unconscious form of his hikari, and flinched.
He had trashed him good, and yet he couldn't get rid of that stinging fear he had in his heart.
He was Ryou's superior in all physical ways, his body was stronger, and his fists hard as steel, but yet Ryou, with his kind soul, outdid him by far when it came to spirit.
Yami Bakura had a very weak soul, and he knew and feared the consequences if his hikari found out, so he gave him the impression of that he was fearless and intrepid, then the poor boy would never know what he hid from him.
He frighten and beat him until he was sure that Ryou was so scared that he would never dare to go against him. He took out his anger and fear on him. And every time Ryou would ask 'why do you hate me?', a pang of guilt would tear at his heart, and stab him with agony.
He would answer his hikari with a fist of steel, then snap an angry 'Shut up, weakling!' at him.
It always ended up with a badly beaten and unconscious Ryou, and a very upset Yami Bakura.
He had always wondered how it would be like to have a friend, a true friend like the Pharaoh had in Yugi, but sadly he would never know because of his way of being, he was a loner; He had no social skills at all, and he refused to let go of his dark past.
Once, Yami, the oh so great Pharaoh himself, had pulled him aside and lectured him because of the way he always treated Ryou.
"He respects me!" Yami Bakura had said. But Yami shad shook his head sadly and looked at him as if he was a stubborn and ignorant child he was trying to teach a particularly hard lesson. But the tomb raider hadn't cared, nor listened to him.
"He doesn't respect you.. He fears you…"
Yami Bakura had taken those words to his heart, even if he only had sneered at the Pharaoh, and told him to 'Stay the hell out of my life!'
And again, and again he found himself pondering over those words. Words he knew where correct, but still refused to believe because his ignorance and stubbornness wouldn't let him.
In fact, Yami had only made it worse. Now when the Pharaoh had told him to be nice to his hikari, he would DEFINITELY not be nice to him at all,
Then it would seem that Yami had won, the game.
Bakura didn't like to play games, he just liked to win, and he was a sore looser.
He knew too well how Ryou felt. In his previous life, before he was caught in the millennium ring, he had also been exposed to all kinds of pain, physical and mental ones. People had avoided him like the plague, and he had never had any friends. His father had beaten him ever since he had been a child, and every night he would cry himself to sleep, wondering why his father hated him so.
"Why do you hate me?"
" Shut up, weakling!"
So why did he treat Ryou like that? Well, the answer was easy, but way to hard for Yami Bakura to admit; Because he was scared…No, 'scared' wasn't the right word, but 'terrified' described the feeling perfectly well, and fear was a weakness, and so was love and fondness.
They were both emotions that could stab you in the back when you least expected it.
He hid his fear from them by playing his endless masquerade. On the outside, he was the evil and heartless yami, while on the inside, he still was the humble tomb raider that longed for the friends and love he never got in his previous life.
Yami was the Pharaoh, while he was just a modest thief that everyone always had been looked down upon, even by the most ragged and tattered slaves.
He was born alone, and would die alone. But did he really need to pull Ryou, who had a good chance of getting a decent life, down with him when he fell? Had Ryou ever harmed or hurt him in any way?
Yami Bakura looked out the window from the corner he sat in, and his brown eyes fell upon the dark, starry and cloudless sky, and sighed heavily. He was a lonely star, and Yami was the sun, he had been looked upon as a man chosen by the gods.
And he had envied him that, since all the gods seemed to hate him.
There was a hidden innocence to the way he treated his hikari.
If Ryou learned to not trust anyone, his heart would never be broken, and no one would ever be able to hurt his feelings, he felt that he somehow was protecting him from the cold and cruel world.
But what he finally understood now was that he already had hurt Ryou's feelings by not being nice to him, and refusing to accept that he always would be the kind and shy boy he was born as.
So that was why he was sitting in the very corner of Ryou's room, holding a small pocket knife he knew was Ryou's.
He had decided to punish himself for being an idiot.
He was doing it for Ryou, But also for himself.. He did it for himself so he didn't have to live with the guilt he constantly was carrying around in his hear and soul.
He extended his hand, and pulled the sleeve of his jacked up, he didn't want to make a mess out of what he was doing.
He tightened his grip around the pocket knife and turned it in his hand, so it was pointing downwards, towards his palm. He traced the fine lines in his hand gently, drawing new patterns, and following old, until he finally came to the canter of his palm. He turned his hand, then he placed the tip of the sharp blade horizontally on the back of his hand, and pushed it gently down into his skin, making it go deeper and deeper into him.
It almost didn't hurt at first, but when he came further down and felt the pressure of the knife starting to penetrate his skin and go through the thin layers of skin that protected the fine veins that carried blood around in his body.
He dug his fangs into his lower lip and clamped his hand more tightly around the blade to steady himself.
It didn't take long before the precious crimson liquid exited his body through the thin chap on the back of his hand and ran down the fine path of the long and slender bones connected to his four knuckles.
Yami Bakura clenched his teeth and closed his eyes tightly, and then drove the sharp blade all the way through the delicate tissue of his hand.
He herd bones inside of his hand brake. One of the bones even splintered and was forced into a different position then it normally stood in, now it had penetrated his skin and stood out of the back of his hand.
Yami Bakura cried out in pain, and quickly withdrew the knife from his hand.
It exited his body with a disgusting sucking sound, leaving a thin slit straight through his hand, which a great amount of blood leaking out of it.
And he who didn't want to make a mess, what a ridiculous thought!
But he had gotten an answer for the question he always wondered about, even if it had come with a prize.
Physical pain didn't hurt as much as mental.
Would it be so bad to give his hikari a chance? Even if it meant that he had to put his pride aside, and maybe even that he would be rejected?
He wasn't sure if he could handle rejection.. So where was the use in trying? He had scared, beaten and ran down Ryou for so many years.. How could he even think that things could get better between them?
'You'll never know if you never try' A great Pharaoh once had said. Did he have the courage to trust the man who had left him as the solemn survivor of his town..?
Would the story have a different outcome if he gave it a try?
He HAD gotten a new life, a new chance to improve his personality.. Would he grab it, or let it slip through his fingers?
He brought the back of his hand closer to his mouth and drew his tongue gently over it, the splinted bone ached, and made the Yami wince in pain. The familiar and coppery taste of blood filled his mouth and made the yami close his eyes. He continued to lap at the wound until he was satisfied.
Some of the blood escaped his tongue and dripped down at the white carpet in front of him.
" Great…" The yami groaned. He didn't care about the damn carpet, only that when his Hikari would see it and recognize it as blood,
he would surely wonder how it got there, but of course, he would never dare to ask him where it had come from.
Yami Bakura uncrossed his legs and used his one good hand to push himself up from the floor.
He felt the odd pricking sensation come to his legs when he took a step forward, revealing that they had both grown numb within the few hours he just had sat there thinking. Pricking didn't hurt, it was the annoying kind of sensation that made you believe that some of your limbs suddenly had disappeared and wasn't there anymore.
He slowly made his way towards the bathroom door, which was fortunately for Yami Bakura, pretty close to Ryou's bedroom.
He took hold of the handle and pushed it down. The door opened and revealed a pitch dark room.
Neither him or Ryou had been in there before that day, and thus the lights had not been turned on, but he could still feel and hear the low humming from the cables in the floor, which was supposed to keep the room warm.
The yami extended his hand out in the dark and felt for the small tetragonal light switch, and when he finally found it her pushed it upwards, making the lamp in the roof flash a few times before it lit up the room.
Yami Bakura let out a small groan and shielded his sensitive eyes with the back of his hand, from the sudden and strong light.
When he got used to the illumination, removed it again, and was greeted by his own reflection in the bathroom mirror over the sink.
And not before then did Yami Bakura see how tired and worn out he looked.
He didn't even know what time it was!
His eyes slowly travelled over to the small medicine cabinet hanging on the wall beside the mirror.
He walked over to it, and opened the white metal door with his thumb and index finger. Inside lay tons of different small white boxes with green or red letters on them, they were all painkillers or blood pressure pills that Ryou's father took when he was home from his work..
He didn't need any of it, he just looked for some bandage to dress his injured hand in, that was all.
He never really cared that much for pain killers or other drugs that subdued the pain he felt, in a way he felt that he deserved all the pain he could handle.
The only time he had taken painkillers, was the time his hikari had begged him to do so because he had hurt himself so badly.. Ryou had patched him up and tended to his wounds, and Yami Bakura had stubbornly crossed his arms and let him, trying his best not to let it shake his dignity. Later he liked to think that he had forced Ryou to do it, but he knew so very well that he hadn't. Ryou had acted purely of the kindness in his heart.
He grabbed the roll of bandage from the cabinet and closed it gently again. He walked over to the sink and filled it with warm water, so he could clean the wound properly. He tried to move his hand, but the only thing he managed to do was wiggle his thumb a little. He couldn't make it into a fist, or curl his fingers up, that hurt enough to make his eyes water.
He closed his eyes tightly, and dipped his injured hand into the warm water filled with cleaning fluid.
Yami Bakura grinded his teeth hard and stifled a loud wail that was halfway on it's way out of his mouth.
It hurt!
Living again hurt!
Everything hurt!
But still he didn't think that it was enough, it wasn't even a start if he was going to punish himself properly for what the had done do Ryou.
Maybe he could do it.. Little by little?
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Ok.. So Yami Bakura was a little OOC (I like him that way!) ..But I'll make it better in the next chapters…