Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Marik's Guide to World Domination for Dummies ❯ Rule One & Rule Two ( Chapter 1 )

RULE 1: Be Evil.

The first step to conquering the world is being evil. You ALL are not fortunate enough to be born as evil as I have. Evilness is a gift as a child, but if you haven't reached the utmost amount of evil as I have, then you need practice. In other words, if you are like Seto Kaiba, you need more practice until you can dominate the world. I'm not saying that Kaiba can't conquer the world with his money and shiny gadgets, but he was a FOOL. He didn't read my guide, therefore he will never be able to take over the world. NOW, if you are cute little girl, or a cute little boy, like Yugi or Tea, you are hopeless. Drop this guide right now, and just go off and find a kindergarten playpen.

STEPS TO BEING EVIL:

Step on Bugs. Squash those disgusting insects.

EX. Yami has squashed Weevil and his insects. Yami has done it, so can you. See, Yami is evil I tell you. I don't see how he is such a good hero guy. Did you see how he sent all those bugs to the graveyard? And now, I ask him for his power, and he doesn't give it to me. Greedy, Greedy.

Kick dogs. Kick those sniveling cowardly dogs.

EX. This is where Kaiba didn't read carefully. DON'T just taunt them, kick them! Next time Kaiba sees Joey, he better kick him because if he doesn't, I will have to send him a pocket sized copy of this guide to him. What a fool.

Torture mortals with your millennium powers. TOURTURE THEM!

EX. See Yami Bakura? He does a good job of being evil. I admire that guy. His mind works like a genius. Actually, he offered to help on this guide, but I most rather that I write it myself. Also, because no one an evil mind of evil doings as powerful as mine. Well, back to what I was talking about before: Torture those foolish mortals, with your powers. Did you see Yami Bakura torture those guards of Pegasus? Exactly what I want you to do. Don't have a millennium item? Go look for Bakura's Guide to Tomb Robbing for Dummies. That will help. But then again, I have to go have a word with him for copying me.

A/N: Please do NOT flame me for Marik's suggestions. I mean, if you find killing bugs and kicking dogs mean…Flame Marik, not me. I am just writing this from Marik's point of view. And you know how cruel he is. So there. And I also advise you not to take these seriously and go out and do them. But it will be quite amusing if you do dominate the world after you finished this guide though.

RULE 2: You must have an evil laugh and evil smile.

All villains have an evil smile and that high pitched laugh that seems quite annoying after you hear it for a while. That laugh is essential to all your work later on. After you have full control of the world, you're going to need that laugh. It goes something like this: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Got it? WELL here are some tips to you no-brained mortals that still need help with the laugh and smirk.

TIPS TO SMILING AND LAUGHING:

Practice smiling A LOT.

EX. Notice in Episode 67, and for all those people who call themselves Yugioh Fans and still hasn't remembered all the episodes by heart yet, it's called Mime Control Part 3, or as on TV called Return of the Pharaoh. (I hate that name, btw) Anyway, notice that I am continuously smiling. DO THAT. Keep smiling and then you'll get used to it. But also notice, after I lost that duel, I stopped smiling. Remember that too. Do NOT smile when you're losing. Even a five year old knows that.

Do not give one of those look-at-me-I'm-so-sexy-smiles.

EX. That is the reason why Seto Kaiba has all those fan girls all around him. He shows that smile after he wins against Yugi. Those brainwashed girls (A/N: I am a Kaiba fan myself. Don't be offended, Marik's just jealous) think it's an evil smile, but see Kaiba has all those girls to run away from now. You don't need that. That will just get in your way as you are taking over the world.

3. Do NOT…I repeat…DO NOT laugh like Bandit Keith. If you laugh like Bandit Keith, people will laugh at YOU. That man laughs like… Oh my Ra, it's so weird that you can't describe it. BUT if you a planning to dominate the world, that laugh is not suitable for you. So remember, I will repeat one last time: DO NOT LAUGH LIKE BANDIT KEITH.