Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Marik's Guide to World Domination for Dummies ❯ Rule Seven & Rule Eight ( Chapter 4 )

RULE 7 - Henchmen are essential. Get some.

Why do you need a group of fools that don't know what they are doing to work for you? BECAUSE they DON'T know what they are doing. You don't understand yet, huh? Let me go through this so you slow minded person can understand more clearly. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE A PERSON WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING? IF THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING, THEY ARE GOING TO TURN YOU INTO THE POLICE. Now you don't want that do you? You want stupid idiots with no brains to do your dirty work for you, not smart people who will end up ratting on you. You want idiots like Arkana where all they do is mourn for Kaitlin or Kathy or whatever. You want idiots like Strings that can't think for himself. Or idiots like Joey Wheeler or Tea Gardner that didn't even think of going to the proper authorities against me. Feeble minded fools.

1. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT hire WOMEN with EXOTIC hair. They cause way too much a attention.

EX. One of Seto Kaiba's workers. I don't have a single clue as to why on Earth the dull minded Seto Kaiba decided to hire a woman with BRIGHT PINK HAIR to work for him. If you do come across a woman with pink hair and you decide to hire her, you might as well go and turn yourself into the police. Because a woman with such hair will probably be arrested anyway because of the suspicious hair style. NOW that woman will say that she is working for you, then you will be arrested. Because she is not as feeble minded as many of those other humans because she was hired to work at the high pay Kaiba Corp. I doubt that Kaiba would hire a dull minded woman to work for him. Unless she was really dull minded and that's why she dyed her hair bright pink. Or maybe it was natural. Is it possible to have natural bright pink hair?

2. Get your henchmen nice matching outfits. That way you can distinguish between who works for you and who doesn't.

EX. Notice my Rare Hunters. They all wear those purple capes. Those things are really cheap too. They were only $4.95 each plus tax. Now, if you want nicer outfits than you are going to have to read Rule 5 more carefully so you don't screw up while you look for money to pay all of those Mastercard bills. Plus REMEMBER those guys are lying. Nothing is priceless. NOTHING. Don't believe me? Email me with what you THINK is priceless and I'll tell you how they aren't priceless.

3. Do NOT call your henchmen RARE HUNTERS. If you do, you will be looking for some time to spend in the shadow realm. That name is already taken therefore DON'T TAKE IT.

EX. You've seen what it's like in the shadow realm. Just remember that you don't want to go there and you won't call you group Rare Hunters.

RULE 8 - Capture all Super Heroes or any of those nonsense people before they get in your way.

Remember if you run into anyone with the name of Batman, Superman, Spiderman (anything that ends with man) or anyone with the name of James Bond or Barney (Nemisis, this proves you right), capture them immediately. Don't believe me?

1. Wait until you are caught up in Spiderman's web.

EX. If you come to me pleading for help to release you from the web, I'm tell you to just stay in that web, because you hadn't read this part of the guide carefully. I don't forgive fools and if you are smart, you should've sprayed Raid or perfume on Spiderman. Spiders are vulnerable to that type of stuff. Trust me.

2. Even Barney can get in your way.

EX. He'll probably have you sing the "I love you, you love me song" and soon enough you'll be having fun and you'll forget what you are doing. If you come to me pleading for help after being brainwashed by Barney I'll shoot you with a gun because you deserve to die, just as that song too.

3. Now if you are being attacked by Killer Teletubbies, that's a different story.

EX. Remember this is very simple if you do get attacked by Teletubbies. Simply take out your remote control and turn your darn T.V. off. There are no such things as Teletubbies and since there are no such things a Teletubbies there are no such things as gay Teletubbies. And NO the purple one is not gay. In fact, I can't believe that I had to watch that stupid show so that you people will understand that those Teletubbies aren't real. I'll tell you a secret: There's a zipper behind those Teletubbies. I've seen it. Unzip it and you'll probably find a old bald guy. Therefore you can't get attacked by a gay Teletubbie. Just freaking turn off your T.V. Back in Egypt we didn't have this nonsense that corrupts human minds. Instead of television, we had better means of entertainment. Unless you get to see a hot Egyptian ^_^ than don't turn it off. But of course, you had enough sense to know that right?