Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Marik's Insane Plot or Bakura gets pissed! ❯ Bunny Ryou and Mary Sue gets hers! ( Chapter 5 )

CHAPTER FIVE

Bakura loved having Ryou on his arm. It made him feel powerful. It made him feel…horny…

Anyway, they entered the burger place, the Rah Awful burger place, although Bakura loved the grease! Ryou always ate a salad which made Bakura cringe! Lettuce was for rabbits, not humans! The boy needed to gain some weight! He was so damn thin! He was underweight as it was!

"Sit here." He gently shoved Ryou in a booth. "I'll get us some REAL food for a change! You are not eating rabbit food today!"

"Bakura! I don't like the stuff here!" Ryou protested.

"I'll get you something healthy! You're too thin!" He walked away as the albino sighed.

Bakura was taking too much of an interest in his dietary habits. Was he too thin? Ryou didn't think he was that thin! Bakura practically shoved eggs and toast down his throat this morning. No cereal!

Right now Ryou wished to be a rabbit. At least they ate healthy…

//A rabbit? I could arrange that! // A voice leered in his head. //Maybe a cute little Playboy bunny outfit…hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? //

/BAKURA!!!! / Ryou yelled back through the link almost making Bakura fall over in pain. /Get your mind out of the gutter for once! /

//Uh…no?// the voice came back as Ryou sighed.

Figues! Just when Ryou thought Bakura was becoming a gentleman…sigh. Staring at the door hoping that Yuugi and Yami would come in, Ryou sighed even more. They weren't coming…Yuugi must be having a nervous breakdown again!

Of course Yami had tuned Yuugi out since they left the shop. He had no idea what his light was saying. It wasn't that he didn't care…okay…he really didn't care to hear all about Anzu's wonderful life in this place called America. He really REALLY found her annoying!

Rah must have smiled upon him as Burger World was fast approaching. He nodded appropriately to whatever Yuugi was saying and then managed to park the car in a spot where his Benz wouldn't get hit.

Yuugi quickly jumped out of the car, his monologue stopping a while ago. Why did Bakura like this Rah awful place!

Yuugi had gone in first anxious to meet Ryou. The pharaoh guessed getting a good night's sleep did something for his aibou's mood… `reminder to self…get a new name! Yami is awful!'

Slowly walking into the dreadful "Grease Pit of Doom", Yami spotted Bakura in line. He was suspiciously calm for someone who did not have any patience. He walked over to the Tomb Robber much to the consternation of the other people in line.

"HEY!! GET TO THE BACK OF THE LINE!!" The guy behind him yelled before Yami could greet Bakura.

"Fuck off you peasant!" The Pharaoh shot back as he turned around.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!" The guy behind him yelled.

"He said fuck off you asshole before we both wipe the floor with you and then send you to the Shadow Realm!" Bakura sized up the guy with a switch blade pointed under the idiot's chin.

"Hey! I'm cool!" Bakura deviously grinned at the beads of sweat coming from the stupid mortal.

Putting his switch blade away, Bakura faced away from his recent almost victim. Things he did for friends…yeesh…Ryou was really rubbing off on him.

"So, have you burned up any escaped death row inmates lately?" Bakura figured to really scare the people around them.

"Not lately. Couldn't find any." Yami answered as the people behind them began to back away. "Can't give Burger World a bad rep you know…millions served, one inmate burned?"

"Yup! Next it will be asshole customers who have a problem with people cutting in line! Now that would be something I would pay to see!" The line cleared out. "Heh! Works every time!" Bakura grinned in triumph as Yami grinned deviously also.

Ryou watched with wide eyes as the line cleared outside. The sounds of cars slamming shut and then tires screeching away astounded him. Did those two really scare the customers that much??

/Bakura, why did you do that? / Ryou asked.

//The sooner we get our order, the sooner I could put my hand down your pants! Heh! // Came back the answer.

/BAKURA!!! /Ryou shouted back as the elder man shot back erotic images that made Ryou blush. /I hate you. I really REALLY hate you! /

//You looooooooooooooooooove me and you know it! // Bakura laughed.

/Shut up before I give you another reminder of how painful thinking like that is! / The albino threatened as Bakura gulped.

Oh yeah! Forgot about that! Bakura seriously considered wearing a cup so Ryou couldn't slam his nuts in anymore. He was sure that the Bakura line was at an end. No more dreams of little demons like himself running around. Heh. His own army from Hell! He would lead his evil minions as they would take over the world! Yeah right…

Bakura knew Ryou had him wrapped around his little finger…he had to find that finger and jinx it fast! It was those damn doe like eyes! So big, so green, so beautiful! Reminded him of the emeralds he stole once… That face! That lovely feminine looking face! That hair! What the hell were his parents on when he was conceived??

"SIR!!! Can I take your order please!" A voice shouted into Bakura's thoughts.

Okay, this pimpled face punk was gonna die a horrible death! Getting in the kid's face…but not too close in fear of catching the epidemic, Bakura bared his teeth.

"Do that again and I'll rip your throat out!" Bakura hissed as he backed away. "I want a number 12 and SUPERSIZE IT and I want LOTS of GREASE on the fries! I also need a damned chicken sandwich, broiled, not fried, and a nice bottle of water to go with it! Oh yeah, the rabbit wants his side salad with it and the dressing better be vinaigrette!" Bakura thundered making the boy back away.

"Y-Yes sir." He replied as he punched up the order.

Yuugi and Ryou talked about the usual stuff going on in their lives, except Ryou had held some things back. There was no way he was going to have his friends deal with his problems further.

"I SAID EXTRA GREASE YOU PIMPLED FACED GEEK!" They both cringed when they heard that.

"Why does Bakura like grease so much?" Yuugi asked.

"I just don't stay in the same room with him after he eats it!" Ryou shook his head. "I have got to break him of that. He's not immortal anymore. He's going to give himself a heart attack! I'm surprised he hasn't gained anything from it!"

"Let him have his fun! He hasn't been alive that long to even be concerned about that!" Ryou turned toward Yuugi with a bored expression.

"Despite it all, you still are not on the same page with the rest of us, are you." Ryou raised a brow, his chin resting on the palm of his right hand. "You think being young means you're indestructible? I don't think so." Ryou sat straight up. "You still have to watch out for yourself and still eat healthy!"

"We can't all be cute little rabbits like you!" Bakura sat down and placed the tray between himself and Ryou. "Here is your salad; here is your water, your fancy dressing and your chicken sandwich!" He placed the items before Ryou as his eyes widened. "What?"

"Chicken? You got me a chicken sandwich? A poor little chicken died to be on this thing!" Ryou started as Bakura groaned.

"Chickens are dumb domesticated animals. They were dumb domesticated animals 5000 years ago and they still are the same dumb domesticated animals today! I don't see much evolution going on for you to feel guilty over! Just eat it! You need to grow!" Bakura pointed out.

"Okay." Ryou gave in.

Yami walked toward the table and then placed the tray in front of Yuugi. Yami only sat down, not wanting anything from that Rah Forsaken place!

"On a diet or something?" Bakura commented.

"You couldn't pay me to eat anything in this place!" Yami wrinkled his nose in disgust. "How you guys eat this crap is beyond me."

"Very easily! I put it in my mouth, I bite a piece off and I swallow it!" Bakura stated. "You should try it sometime."

"No thanks." Yami looked away.

"You eat at home right? What's the difference?" Bakura asked.

"The difference is I know who cooked it." Yami stated. "I prefer better places than this!"

"Excuse me you royal pain in the ass, but I don't like those places!" Bakura shot back.

"Can you two talk civilly to each other?" Ryou interrupted. "I don't feel like breaking up a fight."

"Speaking of that, how did it go last night?" Yami asked.

"My father disowned me. I am officially orphaned." Ryou stated without emotion which shook Bakura to the core. "Still have to keep up appearances and all. You know how that is, right Yami?"

"No, I don't know how that is. What the hell are you talking about?" Yami crossed his arms over his muscular chest.

"Pretend things are okay when they aren't. Even in your rule as Pharaoh, you must have had to do that." Ryou pointed out.

"My father did, I didn't." Yami corrected him. "I didn't believe in it. I didn't like him anyway."

"You didn't?" Ryou was surprised. "Why on Earth not?"

"He was a terrible ruler. He killed people for no reason and when it came my turn to rule, I had a hell of a time with it. Even my own damn Priest Seth turned against me!" Yami huffed. "I wanted to rule peacefully. It took me a couple of years to get everyone's trust and then build towards some kind of peaceful society. Then things started to happen and then…" He trailed off.

"You got trapped in the puzzle somehow?" Ryou finished. "How did Bakura wind up in the Ring?"

"I had him trapped in there for reasons I am not going to discuss." Yami glared at Bakura. "Since he has turned his life around, I don't see any reason to bring up his past."

"And I'm glad you didn't." Bakura shot back.

"Anyway, Ryou, maybe you should talk to your father and see if you two can reconcile. There is no reason for you two to be fighting." Yami pointed out.

"I am not going to be the one to make the first move. He wanted it this way. After all, I disgust him. He doesn't approve of Bakura. He's sorry he ever gave me that ring…he's sorry that I was ever born. He doesn't even like the way I look. I look like a girl!" Ryou stated picking at the lettuce.

"There's nothing wrong with the way you look." Yami countered.

"Damn straight!" Bakura agreed.

"Get your mind out of the gutter for two seconds, tomb robber!" Yami snapped at Bakura, then turning his attention toward Ryou. "Reconciliation is out then?"

"I don't care anymore to be around him and his new wife. She got what she wanted and he was stupid enough to fall for it. I wouldn't be surprised if he winds up dead soon." Ryou sighed. "She's after the money."

"Women do that?" Yami asked.

"As many pleasure slaves as you had, did they fuck you out of love, or did they fuck you because you were the Prince?" Bakura shot at him. "How many of those women dreamed to be your Queen thinking they were different somehow? They didn't want to be your Queen because they loved you! No! They wanted the prestige! You knew it too! It's no different today!"

"I never had pleasure slaves. My father did. He thought I was too young." Yami countered.

"What the hell did he give you then? Toys? You mean to tell me, you never got laid and you were the Prince of Egypt for Rah's sake?!" Bakura thundered.

"What is your point?" Yami asked.

"Your father was a selfish bastard, that's what!" Bakura pointed out.

"You need to tell me that? I knew." Yami stated as Yuugi kept on eating ignoring of everything going on. "So, this woman that Ryou's father is marrying wishes to gain prestige and his money? Isn't she afraid of Karma?"

"I don't think she believes in it." Ryou sighed. "Frankly, some people never get theirs in the end."

Bakura raised a brow at this. Oh, the bitch was going to get it at the end all right if he had anything to do with it!

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Bakura grinned in spite of himself.

Yami raised a brow. Oh, he knew the Tomb Robber was after the step-bitch. For once, not even the Pharaoh was going to interfere. Let Bakura have his fun and let it all out for Ryou. Rah knows they didn't need the gentle albino (gentle…oy!) going off the deep end.

"Hey guys!" Yami almost fell out of the booth hearing Jou's loud voice. "What did I miss?"

"Your mother blew me. That's what you missed!" Bakura snorted.

"Ask if that hurts man! It doesn't!" Jou grabbed a chair and put it in front of the table in the booth, turning it around, leaning his head on his arms on the top. "So, really, what did I miss?"

"Nothing much." Yami answered.

"Oh, if you count scaring half the customers out of here, Bakura threatening the poor guy at the register and the history of chicken as nothing much, then nothing happened." Ryou snorted in disgust.

"Cool!" The blond smiled. "Anyone up to going to the arcade?"

"No!" Ryou, Bakura and Yami said in unison.

"I'll go!" Yuugi piped up.

`Figures!' Yami thought.

"After all, we are friends, and maybe we should all go. Anyway…" Yuugi started.

"Oh shut up!" Yami groaned as he shut his eyes, squeezing his fingers against his temples. "Anzu is no longer here and I don't want to hear the nauseating friendship speech! If I have to hear it again I am going to throw you off a bridge!" He shot a dangerous look at Yuugi. "When we had to share a body, I had to plug my ears every time you guys got nauseatingly sappy. Now I just don't want to hear it anymore! Don't you guys even know how to be teenagers?! Normal teenagers go out, get drunk, and crash their parent's car! They go to parties and sneak out at night to do it! You guys wouldn't know fun if it smacked you across the face!" Yami thundered. "You know what I did when I was a teen? I snuck into my parent's private stash of good booze and drank it! I stole a few chariots and tortured some of the guards for fun! I snuck out at night and joined some of my friends for a nice round of looting! Now that's living!"

"In all that time, you never got laid?" Bakura asked.

"HI EVERYONE!!" A high piercing voice interrupted their conversation.

"What the fuck…" Bakura started as everyone looked toward the perky pink haired girl with big blue eyes and a very obscene looking outfit.

"Hi everyone! I'm the new girl in Domino and I came here to change all of your lives!!" She exclaimed cheerily.

"Unless you're Julia Roberts, don't rattle my cage!" Bakura shot back.

"Silly silly Bakura! I am Mary Sue! I know all about all of you." Her eyes were sparkling.

"She's scaring me. Somebody make her go away!" Bakura began to cower in fear.

"I'm going to change all your lives for the better. After this, you will all like me and if something happens to me, you will all be sooooooo sad." Rah, what drama…yech!

"You want to put that to the test?" Yami challenged as the golden third eye appeared on his forehead. "You have three seconds to leave, you shallow twit, before I kill you!" He got up from the booth and approached the vapid girl.

"Oh! But you're supposed to like meeeeeeeee!" She whined, her hands on her hips and her foot stomping on the ground.

"I don't like you!" Yami stated as the girl's eyes began to water.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! You hate me!!!! YOU ALL HATE ME!!!!" She cried making Yami, Bakura and Ryou cover their ears. "That's it! I'm going to the Gundam Wing universe! At least I can change their lives for the better."

"If Heero Yuy doesn't shoot you first!" Bakura laughed back.

"Very funny! I am better than Relena, or Hilde, or that scary girl Dorothy!" She huffed as she walked out. "I'LL BE DUO MAXWELL'S GIRLFRIEND!!"

"HE'S REALLY A GIRL!!!" Bakura shouted as everyone looked at him. "What? She bared her breasts to Heero!"

"You're thinking of that movie, Just One of the Guys!" Ryou drawled.

"Oh yeah…" Bakura banged his head on the table.

TBC…

Note: Remember, this is a spoof or sorts! I had just had to make fun of the friendship thing and the Mary Sue thing. I see too much of it in fandom.

The girl is fashioned a bit after Amy Rose in Sonic the Hedgehog.

Bakura: Could I meet Dorothy? I like scary women!

Ryou: NO!!!!!!!!!! (Hits Bakura over the head with a baseball bat used in the last Marlins' game)