Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ My December ❯ Chapter 1

 

Heyaz again amigos! This is the sequel to Numb so if you haven't read it you should to understand this. The girl is the same one in Numb, who's still based on my char but you can pretend its you if you want. This is told in Seto's POV and this is Rated PG-13 for some swearing, mention of character death and suicide of another. And incidentally the lyrics of 'My December' are by Linkin Park. One more sequel fic after this one folks! Hope ya'll enjoy!

 

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The sky was still a colour of periwinkle blue as I sat upon the white hardened snow. The wind had a biting cold to it as it swept through my hair, playing with it before dancing upon my bare face, neck and hands. It bit me somewhat but I truly didn't care, for I was cold myself and already knew the feeling very well.

 

A good few yards behind me was my mansion, it looking like some kind of abandoned white coloured manor that seemed to give some eeriness to those who past it. The iron black gates that didn't permit anyone to enter at the moment had ice coated over it, giving a look like this place has been frozen for years. Yet I wasn't looking to it.

 

I sat upon a firm snow and ice covered hill in the same outfit I wore for Battle City and countless times after. It was comfortable to me. Not the warmest of all things but comfortable. However I paid no heed to it or the biting cold that had already affected my rear and my legs, slowly travelling up towards my body and torso.

 

I was looking across the horizon, the sun ever so slowly setting but was far from becoming dusk. Below this rather large hill I sat upon was part of Domino River that ran through part of my estate. It was frozen over with ice but was too thin for people to skate upon it as a sign at the bottom of the hill I sat upon stated so. Its not like I wanted to skate anyway.

 

I was waiting for someone... but inside of me I knew she wouldn't come... oh no... she wouldn't come at all... yet I still invited her, like I did countless times before, not forcing her but asking her to come. Yet she didn't. I should of realised this by now but still I wait, being the stubborn fool I am.

 

This is my December

This is my time of the year

This is my December

This is all so clear...

 

This month... this time of supposed joy for the fools who would celebrate it every year... this month has been the most hard... the most difficult that I've ever experienced. The most pain I felt... more then anything and I could do nothing to get rid of it...

 

Most people think I can take anything, take any challenge, take any problem and find a solution to it all. Being as strong as me they knew I don't crumble easily to petty decisions or feeble emotions... but hell... as usual, they're wrong. I know myself I use to think this, that nothing would truly bother me... annoy me yes... but not downright rattle my bones...

 

This is my December

This is my snow covered home...

 

Just like my mansion looked frozen in time, as if nothing could ever live in it, as if it would remain the same way forever, full of despair... just like I was in... well who wouldn't be... by losing one thing that I never realised that was precious to me I've lost something that I knew was...

 

I've lost the only person I knew cared for me and I for them... I've lost my brother... and I can never get him back... well how can I if he is dead?

 

My fists clenched at the memory and I forced down the anger that was boiling in me. I have every right to be angry, some people would think so too... but in truth I don't... because of me... because of my stupid arrogance... my stupid fucking attitude... Mokuba is dead...

 

Just like I forced her to the brink of which she left me... I forced my own brother... my own flesh and blood to hurt himself... to make himself nothing... to make himself dead... I made him commit suicide and it haunts my every moment...

 

I still can't forget when I walked in and found his dead body lying on his bedroom floor, blood seeping beneath him into the plush carpet due to his wrists and neck which had been slashed with a bloody knife in one hand. There was also a bloody piece of paper in the other.

 

My hands shook, they actually shook as I took his bloody form into my arms as one of my maids who noticed him dead just after I did ran shrieking to the others to call the ambulance... but it was too late... even I knew that... though I wish I didn't...

 

And as I read that bloody note... I knew why my precious little brother did this... he did this because of what I've been doing to others... of what I did to her especially... and he hated me for it... for everything... he said he didn't want to be with a fucking cold hearted sibling... and he had every right to feel that way...

 

This is my December

This is me alone with you...

 

At his funeral in the biting cold of this very solemn December Yugi and his friends were there for the ceremony. I didn't even give a damn if they were... that didn't matter to me at all... but she was there too... I knew she cared for Mokuba very much... she was crying too... but she was also there to comfort me... of all people... she comforted me... and being the fucking bastard I was I hurt her even more...

 

And I just wish that

I didn't feel like there was

Something I missed...

 

People are right in what they say about me... I use to not care what they think and I still don't but they are absolutely right about me... I am cold hearted... I never realised it before since I was acting the way I felt was right, the way I felt that I should act... to drive fear into other people's hearts and to be the best and make sure no one can be better then me... that's how I was against Yugi, striving to prove that there was no such thing as magic, no such thing as me having a past in Egypt and definetly proving that I was a better duellist then him... boy was I such a fucking asshole then...

 

And I take back all

The things I said to make you

Feel like that...

 

And her... oh god... why did I do that to her? Everything that I've done... everything my dominance and power was making me do... no... don't blame it on another thing Seto... it's all of you... ALL of you that hurt her... I played her like a pawn and made her my petty slave... making her feel nothing more then a worm that was beneath me... but look just how well that turned out... she's better then me in everyway... I realise that little too late now... she's better then me... Yugi and his friends are better then me... anyone with a decent heart is better then me...

 

And I just wish that

I didn't feel like there was

Something I missed...

 

As much as I hate Yugi and his friends I wish I had taken heed to their words sooner... taken heed to their advice... hell even that bitch's friendship speeches had some point to them... but no... my stupid arrogance shut them all out, thinking friendship was weak, thinking that power and being on your own was all that I need... that blonde woman Mai Valentine was the same... but she changed... she knew better... but look at me... do I know better? Hell no.

 

And I take back all

The things that I said to you...

 

If I could undo everything I said and done to her I would... I would take it all back if I could... hell I'd even believe in the hocus pocus that Yugi keeps yapping about if it would make me undo all the damages I have done... but not even the magic that I've been shown many times will help me now... nothing will help me now... nothing.

 

And I give it all away

Just to have somewhere

To go to...

 

I don't know even where to go now... I may have the home that's standing so far behind me to go to but I don't want too... it reminds me too much of what pain and suffering I put my own brother through... I can't go back in there... not even for a minute.

 

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to...

 

Even if I did have a place that I could honestly call home, I'd need a reason to go there. Not to eat, sleep and watch some random duelling episode on television. I would like to have someone waiting for me to tell me about their day and vice versa. My brother use to do that... but I don't have him anymore... I use to have a girlfriend too... if you could call what I did being a boyfriend to her... but now I don't have that either.

 

This is my December

These are my snow covered dreams

This is me pretending

This is all I need...

 

I closed my eyes, pushing away all the bad things that happened, making it seem as if my brother was alive and I still had a girlfriend... but its all an illusion... a figment of my own imagination that will never come true. I may wish and I wish but I can't undo damages that I rightfully must pay the prices for.

 

I opened my eyes again and if someone would look into them now they would see emotion... emotion I held back for years... emotion I only showed before myself and Mokuba were adopted... emotions that before I turned into this fucking bastard started to pour through. I didn't cry though... I would have liked too, wanted too actually but I couldn't. Thanks to what I've strived to become I can't go back to what I used to be.

 

And I just wish that

I didn't feel like there was

Something I missed...

 

I opened up the card shaped locket that hung around my neck and looked at the picture of my baby brother of when he was younger and we were back at the orphanage. His smiling face looked back up at me. I use to be smiling a lot more back then too... but not now... I even half expected that this picture would be scowling at me, giving me the darkest glare I deserve but it wouldn't. I closed the locket with a sigh, shaking my head in dismay. Pictures don't change... just people... people like me...

 

And I take back all

The things I said to make you

Feel like that...

 

She was right when she spoke of my stepfather. As much as I hated him and what she said she was absolutely right that he was, indeed, better then me. She didn't mean by what the cruel things he did. No. She meant that he actually strived and suceeded in what he did for he had a goal. It wasn't only power and to be better then anyone else like my goal was. Everything he did was to try to find the means to get his son back, to find a way to bring him to life. Yes his methods weren't the best and were also very horrible but he had a reason behind all of his heartless hide. True I wanted to make an amusement park for kids to enjoy but I didn't keep to that goal. Even the game systems that I made for kids was actually myself mostly concentrating on bettering my technology skills and making bigger, greater things. And even though in the end I overthrew Gozaburo, he still kept to his goal and tried to achieve it, even though in the end he lost.

 

And I just wish that

I didn't feel like there was

Something I missed...

 

I sighed deeply, resting my head against my knees as I thought it over. Heh, guess I am a fool. To think I was better then everyone, smarter then them and greater then them. But no. I may stand out like I always wanted, but I'm the most insignificant speck of life from this side of the planet out towards the universe. Why didn't I see it earlier? Heh... probably cause I'm a selfish bastard who only cares for my needs, such as my company and my greatness. Yugi had a point in when he said I should give up this hatred and stop worrying about the past and to move on from my grudge. But as always, I Seto Fucking Kaiba don't listen to anyone.

 

And I take back all

The things that I said to you...

 

You know, if my pride would let me, I'd apologise to them all. Apologise for being the most stupidest arrogant person alive and to admit that all of them, yes all of them, even the mutt and the bitch, were right. I was wrong. I was always wrong... and I was also wrong to treat the girl that actually cared for me the way I did... I treated her like some type of rag doll that I would have thrown away... but she was the one who threw me away and she had every right too as well.

 

And I give it all away

Just to have somewhere

To go to...

 

But where do I truly belong now? Not here... I've caused far too much damage for my own good... damage that will be irreversable. The things I've done I'll never be able to take back. Wish I could but I can't... hell I doubt I'm even allowed to make any freaking wishes too.

 

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to...

 

I belong no where and no one would want to be with me. I know Yugi and his friends would probably most likely forgive me and want me to become their friend but I'd know deep down inside I'd be disgusted with it and revolt back into my natural fucking arrogant self with my defenses at full blast. No... I wouldn't want to do that to them... and besides... they are not what I exactly need...

 

And as for her... well seeing as I've been sitting out here for the past few hours like I've done every other day... either waiting out here or waiting inside my mansion... she won't come... if I didn't cause her so much pain... if I at least had been nice to her at the funeral of my brother then maybe she would come... but no... like I always seem to do, I go and fuck everything up. What a sorry excuse for a human being that I am. I should be arrested... be shot... murdered... taken from the face of this planet...

 

I raised my head slowly from my knees, letting out a long sigh. I let my gaze travel along the cold snowy surface of this hill that I sat upon, finally aware that my body was feeling numb. I ignored it however as my gaze travelled down the length of the hill till it stopped at the ice covered river.

 

This is my December

This is my time of the year

This is my December

This is all so clear...

 

I slowly got up to my feet, swaying slightly as my limbs were resistant to the sudden movement. I kept my gaze locked with the frozen river. I knew what I must do... I've finally realised it...

 

I slowly walked down the hill which was slightly slippery, moving somewhat down sideways so I'd not trip. More cold air whipped around me, as if it too was making sure I wouldn't fall. I smirked at the thought. Well it wouldn't let me fall... yet...

 

Give it all away

Just to have somewhere

To go to...

 

I now know where I belong... it took me a very long time to figure it out... being the arrogant asshole I am but I now realise it... if I had been nicer to everyone... been who I use to be even after I overthrew my stepfather then I could stay here... be friends with Yugi and the others... be the true brother I was to Mokuba when I was younger... and to be the most perfect loving boyfriend to the girl who gave me her heart...

 

But... seeing as I'm never going to be any of those things... then where I truly belong... is to not be standing on the surface of the living world for any longer... I must leave for the betterment of man and womankind... before I do another stupid thing... another stupid thing to hurt someone... another stupid thing to hurt her...

 

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to...

 

I finally reached the bottom of the hill and I slowly made my way across the short distance of the snow covered plain to edge of the frozen Domino River. The wind grew colder and seemed to be pushing against my back, making sure I'd go in the same direction. I let out a soft chuckle. Don't worry coldness of the air... I'm not turning back... not ever...

 

I stopped at the edge of Domino River, the wind flaring around me, making my trenchcoat flare out behind me as I stared upon the dangerous path that was before me... heh... I always took the most dangerous way...

 

Give it all away

Just to have somewhere

To go to...

 

I slowly made my way across the thin sheet of ice that blocked me from crashing into the icy depths below. People always mentioned behind my back that I was as cold as ice... heh... that's also a true concept. I was and still pretty much am a cold hearted bastard. There was no doubt about that. I've finally learned that... but only little too late to change my methods... too late to undo what I've put my cold attitude through... hurting many of people who didn't deserve my rage...

 

The ice creaked dangerously beneath my feet as I finally reached the center of the frozen river, stopping there and just standing still as I looked along the pine tree forest that lined the other side of the river, trailing up and beyond the horizon. The sun was still slowly setting, the light blue sky now showing faint signs of purple and orange. Dusk was coming soon.

 

And as I stood here I could sense eyes were locked upon my back... upon me... slowly I turned around carefully and let my eyes trail back up the path I took to come down here till my eyes landed on a figure that was standing upon the top of the hill to which I sat only moments before.

 

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to...

 

It was her... she had finally come! I looked at her intently as she at me, the wind gently swaying in and out of her hair, making it float to the side slightly giving her the apparent prospect of some sort of celestial maiden... oh she was truly a maiden... a maiden that I had unfortunately hurt and tainted countless of times before.

 

She looked in my cold azure eyes... well she probably thought they were cold but I was looking at her with gentleness and care. Of course she couldn't notice this, seeing as she was too far away to notice my expressions clearly.

 

I could see by the way she was standing she seemed somewhat apprehensive and tense, something that I made her become sadly. I noticed by the way she was staring at me that she was curious on why I was standing in the middle of a frozen river. Well... she will soon find out...

 

For a moment I could feel myself want to go to her, hold her in my arms and fall in that unnatural warmth I soon came to crave and want... the warmth that showed her feelings through... those feelings that I stupidly brushed away as if it were dust.

 

However I knew that I'd somehow screw it up again and hurt her even more, something that I would not do. No... I was no good to anyone alive... I'd hurt and be cruel to everyone once again... however, if I was dead and gone I know my sins would somehow leave me.

 

I looked upon her again, a true smile coming upon my lips. Don't worry fair one... we shall meet again... you will not have to wait long...

 

I then looked skyward, as if I could see my younger brother looking down upon me from the heavens. I hope you forgive me Mokuba... I'm sorry for the pain I caused you... and if you'll let me see you I promise I'll make it up to you... and to never hurt you again...

 

I then looked back at her, the smile never leaving my face. I looked at her with true emotion in my eyes, that emotion being love. Yes, I Seto Kaiba, the fucking asshole that screwed up everything in my life and others loves this girl and I will prove it to her soon enough.

 

Never letting my gaze stray from hers I lifted my right foot up slowly, my knee bent nearly perfectly as I kept it up for a moment longer. The way she was looking at me, the way her eyes widened, I knew she was scared and frightened for me. Don't be frightened fair one... its what someone like me deserves...

 

“Goodbye” I whispered before bringing my foot down roughly, slamming it against the ice hard.

 

Just then the ice around me started to crack roughly, the sounds echoing loudly as I could see and hear her scream in fright.

 

“SETO!!! WAIT!!!” she screamed as she started running down the snow covered hill, slipping somewhat as she did.

 

I smiled slightly at the remembrance as that's what I yelled at her the day she left me but it was out of anger. The way she yelled it I could see the emotions behind it, one being of love.

 

But before she could even reach the edge of the ice, the cracking sounds grew more louder as chunks of it jutted out of the smooth surface, dark cracks going along it. Smashing sounds could be heard as some larger pieces sank through into the deep water. And finally, I crashed through into the frigid cold waters.

 

I think she was still screaming frantically but I could not really hear now. I could sense I was choking for air but I made no move to surface. No... its time for Seto Kaiba to be gone for good.

 

And like many people say that I am cold as ice, I soon became one with the ice, nothing more then a frozen emotionless corpse that died under the emotions that hurt many people... especially the ones I cared for and loved. For this was my December... and this was the way it would end.