Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ One Way Street ❯ chapter14 ( Chapter 14 )

One Way Street

by Dragondreamer and Yami Dragon

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! DUH! If we did, the show wouldn't be fit for kids, that's for sure!

Warning: This story contains shouenen-ai (guy/guy relationships) and yaoi (guys having sex with guys). It also contains coarse language and violence. If you don't like it, or become offended by such things, what are you doing here? Haven't you figured out by now that all our writing contains this stuff?

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXPLICIT YAOI (MALE/MALE SEX)! IF YOU GET OFFENDED BY THIS JUST LEAVE! GO ON, GET LOST!!

A/N: We just wanted to clarify that this chapter takes place over the course of a month.

Note: /…/ Tristan's thoughts

[…] Seto's thoughts

~*~*~*~*~

DD: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out.

YD: But it is rather long.

DD: And kinda disturbing at the end.

YD: So don't read it if you're squeamish.

Seto: If they were squeamish, they wouldn't have made it this far.

Tristan: He has a point.

~*~*~*~*~

Tristan walked aimlessly through the darkness. He wasn't sure where he was or where he was going, but he knew he was looking for something. Or someone.

After what seemed like hours, he saw a dim light ahead of him. He broke into a run, only to find himself already standing beneath the source of the soft, white glow. Or at least it seemed that way. It was hard to tell. He could see shapes moving just outside his field of vision.

The light spread and Tristan found himself standing in front of group of men, all looking familiar. One in particular stood out.

"Adam?"

"He doesn't want you anymore. Not now that he knows about us." The blue eyed brunet gestured to the others standing behind him. "Once he found out, he realized he couldn't love you."

"No…that's not true…Seto DOES love me."

"You're a liability to him. He can't have the world knowing he's with a slut, now can he?"

Tristan shook his head in denial.

"Don't believe me? Ask him yourself." Adam moved to the side, revealing Seto standing behind him.

"Seto?"

Seto stared coldly at him, his arms crossed over his chest. His lip curled into a sneer as he looked Tristan up and down, disgust plain in his sapphire eyes. "How did I EVER fall for someone like you?"

There was a murmur of agreement from the others.

"Seto, please…no. I love you!"

Seto turned his back on Tristan and walked away without a backward glance.

"Don't leave, Seto! Please! I'm sorry!"

Seto didn't stop, just kept walking until he disappeared into the darkness.

Tristan began to follow when a strong hand grabbed him by the arm and spun him around. He was pinned against a muscular chest and a familiar voice froze the blood in his veins.

"I guess that makes you mine." Brad sneered. "I told you that you belonged to me."

"Don't! Brad…please!"

He was thrown back and hit a bed. When Brad came down on top of him, he realized his clothes were gone.

"NO!" Tristan screamed as Brad violated his body, and his spirit, again.

~*~*~*~*~

Seto snapped from his daze with a start, hearing Tristan calling him.

Joey was already sitting up, shaking Tristan gently, trying to wake him.

"Seto, please…no. I love you!"

"Tristan." Joey shook him a little harder. "Wake up, bud."

"Don't leave, Seto! Please! I'm sorry!"

Seto stood up from the chair and moved around to the other side of the bed, sitting next to Tristan and putting a hand on his arm. "I'm right here, love. I'm not going anywhere."

Tristan began to struggle. "Don't! Brad…please!"

"Tristan, it's alright." Joey shook him again. "It's just a dream."

"NO!" Tristan bolted upright, his eyes wide and frightened.

He lashed out at Seto, stopping just short of hitting him. His eyes came into focus and he sobbed. "Seto…oh, gods!"

"It's okay, baby." Seto was aching to take him in his arms, but he didn't dare.

Then, to both Seto and Joey's shock, Tristan reached out and ran his fingers over Seto's face; his hands sliding down to frantically caress his shoulders and chest. "You're here. You…you…didn't leave me."

"Of course not."

"You're still here." He whispered, touching Seto's face again, as if trying to convince himself he was real.

Seto reached out, only to have Tristan move away, pressing against Joey. Joey's arms came around him, pulling him back to lean against his chest. Tristan's hands came up to grasp Joey's arms.

"Tristan, it was just a dream." The blond comforted.

Tristan shook his head. "It was so real…Brad…Brad…he…"

"Shhh." Joey tightened his grip. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry, Seto." Tristan whispered, meeting Seto's eyes directly for the first time in over a week. "Don't hate me."

"I could never hate you!"

"I love you." Tristan's lip trembled as tears sprang to his eyes.

"Oh, Tristan, I love you too." Seto wanted to touch him, reassure him. He sounded devastated.

Joey caught his eye, shaking his head, as if he could read Seto's thoughts. Seto moved back, but stayed close enough that Tristan could reach for him if he chose to.

"I'm just…I'm so sorry. Please, don't leave me."

Seto shook his head, confused. "I'm not going to leave you, Tristan."

"Can you tell us about the dream, pal?" Joey asked. "It might help."

"I can't…" Tristan shifted against Joey, hissing in pain and bringing his hands to his stomach.

"Seto, get his painkillers, would you." The blond gestured with his chin to the bedside table.

Seto rose to get them, grabbing the empty glass he found there and going into the bathroom to fill it with water. He brought it back to the side of the bed Joey was sitting on and handed them to the amber eyed teen.

"Here, Tris." Joey put the pills in Tristan's hand and handed him the glass.

Once he had taken them, Joey moved to lie down and drew Tristan against him. Tristan cuddled close to his friend, laying his head on his shoulder. He watched Seto intently as the CEO resumed his seat.

Seto smiled gently at him, hiding the hurt and apprehension he was feeling. "Go back to sleep, love. Joey and I will watch over you."

Tristan nodded slightly, closing his eyes.

Seto felt Joey watching him and met the blond's gaze. He had to look away quickly, however. The pitying look in the honey colored eyes was more than he could bear.

~*~*~*~*~

"Looking good, Tristan." Dr. Cray smiled. "I can't believe how quickly you're healing."

Tristan shrugged as the physician finish examining his stomach and turned to look at his shoulder.

"I am a little concerned about this though. This isn't going to heal at all if I have to keep replacing the stitches."

"Sorry, doc. I seem to keep tearing them at night."

"He's been having nightmares." Joey said.

"Nightmares, huh?" Dr. Cray looked intently at Tristan. "Care to tell me about them?"

"No." Tristan scowled at Joey.

"Well," The doctor picked up his bag, not the least perturbed by Tristan's attitude. "You've come a remarkably long way in a week and a half, Tristan. I want you to try and stay out of bed for a while today. Just have a shower and maybe go outside. Nothing too strenuous."

Tristan looked like he was about to protest when Joey stood up and walked the doctor to the door.

"Thanks again, Dr. Cray. I'll make sure he doesn't overdo it."

"You're welcome, Joey. I'll see you in a couple of days." He turned at the door, looking at Tristan. "Try to keep the stitches in for a few days this time."

Joey closed the door and turned to see Tristan rising slowly from the bed, his face twisted in pain. He rushed over and grabbed the brunet by the arm, helping him get his feet under him.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Joey lowered his head to hide the blush creeping across his face. "Do you need some help?"

"I think I can manage." Tristan grinned. "You can stop blushing now."

"Not funny." Joey mumbled.

He still couldn't get past the embarrassment of the fact that he had had to help his best friend shower. For the first week, Tristan hadn't been able to stand up straight, let alone shower by himself.

"S'okay, Joey." Tristan squeezed Joey's shoulder. "I really appreciate everything you've done for me."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for." Joey looked up at him seriously. "But you know, you should really cut Seto some slack."

"Huh?"

"Tristan, he wants to help you, but you won't let him." Joey held up a hand, forestalling Tristan's argument. "I know you're still freaked about letting him touch you, but you're killing him, pal."

Tristan sat back down on the bed slowly. "I don't mean to. It's just…I'm scared, Joey."

"I know that." Joey sat down next to him and put an arm around him. "You know…every night he comes in here after you're asleep and he just sits and watches you. He doesn't move, he doesn't sleep, he just sits there."

"Really?"

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed that he looks like hell?"

"I just can't get close to him. What if…what if he wants something?"

"Tristan." Joey tried to keep the aggravation out of his voice, and failed. "You KNOW he'd give you all the time you need. And what about Yugi and Yami? Just because they're gay doesn't mean they want anything from you!"

Tristan's eyes widened at Joey's outburst, but he knew his friend was right. "You're right. I'm being stupid, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are." Joey wasn't going to pull any punches. "I get it about Seto, but gods man, Yami and Yugi are your friends. They've been here every day. I just think that maybe you need to try a little harder; don't give in to the fear so easily. Damn it, Tristan! This isn't like you!"

"You don't understand…"

"Tris," Joey took his friend by the shoulders. "I can't possibly know what you went through. But I do know that the only way you're going to get over it is to let us help. All's I'm asking is that you try."

"Okay," Tristan nodded. "I'll try."

A huge grin lit up Joey's face. "That's the Tristan I know! Now get off your duff, get a shower and let's go outside! I've been cooped up in here for too long!"

Tristan couldn't help but smile back at Joey's enthusiasm. He pushed his fear aside and let Joey pull him up off the bed.

Maybe once he stared interacting with his friends again it would get easier.

~*~*~*~*~

Seto smiled as he watched Tristan coming slowly down the stairs with Joey's help.

"Your friends are outside waiting for you...and Mokuba." He cautiously held out his hand, praying that Tristan would take it.

Tristan reached out tentatively and closed his fingers over Seto's, fighting the urge to pull away. Hazel met azure and Seto smiled softly, turning to lead the out to the back yard.

Just as they were about to step through the door, Tristan stopped dead in his tracks, jerking his hand from Seto's. "I can't."

"What?" Joey came up on Tristan's other side. "What are you talking about?"

"I can't do it. I can't go out there."

"Tristan, your friends want to see you." Seto tried to reason with him.

"Then tell them to come inside." Tristan was pale and shaking.

"What's wrong?" Joey asked.

"I just can't go outside."

"Bullshit." Joey said. "Tristan, you promised."

Seto raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

"But we don't know where he is." Tristan whispered, avoiding their eyes.

"He's not going to get on the grounds, love. I promise." Seto suddenly understood. "Just come out as far as the patio, please?"

A shudder ran through Tristan as he visibly pulled himself together. Stepping away from Seto and Joey, he moved through the door. Once he was outside, he quickly made his way to a bench set against the side of the house and sat down, his back to the building.

"Well, it's a start." Joey muttered, waving his hand to get the others' attention.

As everyone came up and settled around, Mokuba went and stood in front of Tristan. "Can I sit in your lap?"

"Sure you can." Tristan held out his arms to the boy who immediately scrambled up, gently wrapping his arms around the brunet.

Tristan kissed him on top of the head and smiled at him. Mokuba grinned back and laid his head against Tristan's chest with a satisfied sigh.

"Well," Kendra sat down next to him. "It's nice to see you up and around."

"The doc said he needed to be up and moving." Joey said. "But you're not overdoing it, are you, bud."

"No, mom." Tristan rolled his eyes.

He glanced around at his friends as they laughed. He noticed that Yugi had dark smudges under his eyes and he felt a stab of guilt. /Gods! He looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. He looks worse than Seto. I can't…I can't push him away again. I mean…this is Yugi. What have I been thinking?! I'm such an idiot!/

"Yugi." Guarded amethyst eyes met his. "Come here?"

Yugi looked surprised at the almost pleading tone. He stood up and hesitantly approached Tristan, who was holding out his hand in invitation. He moved closer and let Tristan draw him down on the bench next to him.

"Yugi," Tristan put his arm around the small teen's shoulders. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I've been pushing you away. It's just…I was scared. I still am…but I know you and Yami would never do anything to hurt me. I wasn't thinking straight. I hope you guys can forgive me."

"Of course we can!" Yugi's eyes were huge. "Tristan, don't even think that!"

Tristan looked to Yami, who met his eyes with a smile. In that simple gesture, Tristan knew he was forgiven. He pulled Yugi into a one armed hug, laying his cheek against Mokuba's hair. He felt Kendra lay a hand on his arm and he sighed. He felt safe for the first time since that night. He was surrounded by his friends; he had nothing to be afraid of. He only hoped the feeling would last.

~*~*~*~*~

Seto went looking for Tristan shortly after everyone had left, taking Mokuba with them. Joey had gone as well, to pick up a few things from his house, promising Tristan he wouldn't be gone too long.

He found him in his den, just standing there, staring out the window.

"Tristan?"

Tristan spun around and pressed himself up against the window ledge, the fear in his eyes and posture tearing at Seto's heart.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay." Tristan let out a deep breath, relaxing. "You just spooked me. I didn't hear you come in."

"Everything alright, love? How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. Just a little tired."

Seto sat down on the couch. "Will you come sit with me?"

Tristan bit his lip, hesitating for a moment. He moved across the room and sat on the opposite end of the couch, watching Seto with an unreadable expression.

"What you did today meant a lot to Yugi." Seto said.

"Joey made me realize how dumb I was being." Tristan sighed. "I hurt him. I didn't want to."

"He understood, love."

"Do you?" Tristan looked Seto directly in the eye. "Do you understand?"

"Yes, I do. I know you're afraid I'm going to want you. But, Tristan…" Seto paused; wanting to say the right thing. "I don't want you to rush it. I'm willing to wait."

"But for how long?"

"As long as it takes."

Tristan looked away, guilty tears springing to his eyes. /For that…I owe him the truth. Maybe he'll forgive me for it. Gods, I hope so./

Seto watched the play of emotions crossing Tristan's face. [What's he thinking? He's struggling with something, I can tell that much.]

"Seto…I…need to tell you something." Tristan couldn't meet his eyes now, his voice trembled and his hands were shaking.

"You know you can tell me anything, Tristan."

"I know…but…I'm afraid that you'll leave once I tell you."

"Look at me." Seto voice held a note of command and Tristan looked up at him. "Nothing…NOTHING is going to make me leave you. I mean it, Tristan."

Tristan felt a small flash of anger at the other's tone and for some stupid reason, he rebelled against it. "Fine. Nothing, huh? How about the fact that your boyfriend's a slut?"

Seto blinked. There was a ring of challenge in Tristan's voice. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, gee, Seto. Maybe because I am." Now he was starting to get angry, though he had no idea why.

"No. You're not."

"Yeah! I am!" Now it was anger and sarcasm. "I've slept with more guys than you could fit in this room!"

"I know." Seto said quietly.

"WHAT?!"

"I know. And it doesn't matter. It was before us."

"But…" All the anger drained from him, leaving skepticism. "How can you say that?"

"I love you, Tristan." Seto replied simply. "I've know since that night at the club."

"Who told you?"

"Well, Pegasus told me first, but I didn't believe him really. Bakura explained it to me."

"Leave it to him to open his big mouth." Tristan looked over at Seto, his expression one of sadness. "I'm sorry, Seto."

"You don't have to apologize to me for something that happened before we were together." He held out his hand. "I love you and nothing is going to change that."

Tristan reached out slowly and laced their fingers together. "I don't deserve you."

Seto rolled his eyes and laughed. "Yes, you do."

Tristan smiled and squeezed his hand. "Thank you for giving me time."

"You'd do the same for me, I know." Seto pulled a pillow from behind his back and put it in his lap. "Why don't you lie down? You look beat."

Tristan's eyes widened, the fear returning, and he shook his head.

"It's okay, love. I promise I won't touch you."

The shorter teen chewed on his lip for a moment before moving to lay his head in the other's lap. Seto stretched one arm over the back of the couch and left the other on the leather padded arm.

Tristan shifted to get more comfortable, one hand clutching the pillow. "No more than this, Seto."

"No, love. No more than this."

~*~*~*~*~

"Now that's progress." Joey said softly, looking down at Mokuba.

Mokuba smiled, looking at Tristan, lying with his head in his brother's lap, sound asleep. Seto's head was resting against the back of the couch. He was asleep too.

"Should we wake them?"

"Nah." Joey backed up, shutting the door softly. "Leave 'em. They both need it." He poked Mokuba playfully. "I'm hungry. Let's go raid the kitchen!"

Mokuba laughed. "Race ya!"

"No fair!" Joey ran after the retreating boy. "I don't even know where it is!"

~*~*~*~*~

Tristan woke up slowly; thinking he hadn't felt this comfortable in a long time. Then he remembered where he was.

He sat up, trying not to wake Seto. He looked closely at the CEO, feeling a sting of guilt over the other's appearance.

Even in his sleep, Tristan could see the worry etched on Seto's face. He reached out and brushed away the hair that had fallen over the closed eyes. He stroked his fingers softly down Seto's cheek, feeling so lucky that he still had him after everything that had happened.

Blue eyes snapped open, a shocked look meeting Tristan's. Tristan jerked back, moving to the opposite end of the couch.

"It's okay! Tristan, it's alright." Seto reached out to him.

Tristan shook his head, backing out of reach. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, love." Seto let his hands drop. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"No," Tristan shook his head again. "I'm fine."

Seto raised an eyebrow. [You don't look fine, my love.]

"Ummm…" Tristan stood up. "Joey should be back with Mokuba by now. We should go find them."

"Sure." Seto stood as well. "If you're up to it, why don't we make dinner together?"

"I'd like that." Tristan smiled slightly.

"Well, let's go before the mutt corrupts my brother or something." Seto turned to leave.

"Wait." Tristan reached out to stop him, but didn't touch him. "Seto? Will…will you sleep next to me tonight?"

Seto looked surprised. "With you and Joey?"

"Please?"

"Of course, love. Whatever you want."

"Thank you." Tristan reached out and took Seto's hand. "Let's go find Joey before he finds the kitchen."

~*~*~*~*~

Seto sat at his desk, reading the last quarter's reports for Kaiba Land. It was late, and he was waiting for Dr. Cray to come see him.

The physician had stopped by after an emergency call to the hospital. He was with Tristan and Joey.

Seto smiled to himself. Tristan was definitely getting better around him. Since the night he had asked Seto to sleep next to him, he had relaxed some. He still had a hard time getting close, but he would hold Seto's hand, if he was the one who initiated it. He still wouldn't let anyone touch his face and it wasn't a good idea to come up behind him unannounced. The shiner Joey was sporting today was a testament to that.

But this morning Seto had woken up to find Tristan, wide awake, in his arms. Tristan had smiled at him and moved closer, closing his eyes and falling back to sleep. It was the first time Seto had held him in a month.

The young CEO looked up as the door opened, expecting to see Dr. Cray.

"Hey, baby." He smiled as Tristan came in and sat down in front of his desk. "Where's Dr. Cray?"

"He left. He was going to drop Joey off on his way home."

"Joey left?" Seto raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I asked him to. It was time he went home, Seto. He's been here for over a month."

"Are you okay with that?"

"I need to be. I can't lean on him forever." Tristan shifted in his chair, rubbing his shoulder where the doctor had just taken out the stitches. "Can we…sleep in your bed tonight?"

"Of course we can sleep in OUR bed."

"Okay. I'm gonna head off. I'm kinda tired."

"Sure thing, love. I'll be in in a bit. I just want to finish reading this report."

"'kay." Tristan rose from the chair and slipped from the room rather quickly.

Seto stared at the closed door for a moment, wondering to himself what had brought about this change.

[What's changed his mind? Yesterday he wouldn't let me put my arms around him and now suddenly he's sent Joey home and wants to be alone with me.]

Forgetting the report, he shut down the computer and left his office.

~*~*~*~*~

Tristan leaned on the counter, looking at his reflection in the mirror. The bruises had faded to mere shadows and his shoulder had finally healed, the scar standing out red against his tanned skin.

/I have to do this. He's been so patient. He won't hurt me, I know he won't. I've got to put it behind me and this is the only way I can see to do it. I can do this./

Tristan took a deep breath, strengthening his resolve. He stripped his clothes off, leaving them in the bathroom and went into the bedroom.

He saw Seto standing in front of the closet doors, his back to Tristan. He had changed into a pair of shorts and was pulling a tee shirt over his head.

"Seto?"

Seto turned around, shocked to find Tristan standing naked in front of him. [Gods! Why is he doing this?]

Tristan held out his hands. "Seto, please…"

Seto went to him, taking his hands and looking into sad hazel eyes. "I thought we agreed you weren't going to push yourself."

"I…I'm tired of being afraid. I know you won't hurt me. I just…please Seto…make love with me. Maybe if…if I can replace the bad memories with good ones…maybe the nightmares will stop."

"Oh, baby." Seto pulled Tristan into his arms and held him gently, feeling him tremble. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes." Tristan whispered, leaving Seto's arms and leading him over to the bed.

Once there, Tristan relieved the taller brunet of his shirt and ran shaking hands over the exposed flesh. He kept his head down so his lover couldn't see his eyes. He didn't want Seto to know just how scared he was.

/I don't want him to think I'm weak. I know he'll stop if I ask him to. I trust him./

Seto frowned as he felt trembling fingers undo the drawstring of his shorts. He reflexively stepped from them as the fell around his ankles, leaving him naked, and Tristan immediately pressed his body against him.

"Tristan," Seto's hands came up to caress the shorter teen's back as he felt him tense up. "Look at me."

Tristan shook his head, his hands sliding down to caress the other's hips. Seto moaned softly, his senses suddenly filling with the sensation of Tristan's skin against his own; a sensation he hadn't felt in far too long.

Then Tristan was gone from beneath his stroking hands as he dropped to his knees, his fingers moving further to tease at Seto's thighs.

Seto's head fell back and he gasped sharply as he felt his lover's hot mouth enclose him, quickly working him into an almost painful hardness. One hand dropped to a broad shoulder, instinctively avoiding the scar there, while the fingers of his other hand ruffled through the short hair on the back of Tristan's head.

Seto fought not to thrust into the moist heat surrounding him. He wanted to let Tristan set the pace. His whole body twitched with the effort and he bit his lip to keep from crying out.

"Do it." Tristan pulled back just long enough to whisper before completely engulfing his lover's arousal again.

"I don't want to…" Seto broke off with a hiss as Tristan dug his fingers into his legs, silently demanding.

Seto looked down and saw that Tristan had his eyes clenched shut and there was a pained expression on his face.

[He's pushing himself too much.] "Tristan, stop. You don't have to."

Tristan's response to that was to slip his hands around Seto's hips, pulling him closer and growling deep in his throat.

Seto groaned as the vibrations sent a flash of heat through his body and he instinctively thrust forward. Tristan made a noise of approval and took him deeper.

Seto began to lose control, thrusting himself into his lover's mouth, striving to be gentle, not wanting to be too rough, but finally snapping when he felt Tristan swallow around him.

He thrust hard, fingers digging into Tristan's head in an effort to get closer. Finally, just when he thought it would never happen, he hit his peak and everything went white as he voiced his pleasure with a loud cry.

He fell back onto the bed, gasping for breath. When his strength returned somewhat, he sat up to find Tristan still on the floor, sitting back on his heels with his head bowed.

Seto was about to speak when a hard shudder rocked Tristan's body and he whimpered.

Seto stood, reaching down and pulling his lover to his feet. Tristan looked up and he felt tears prick the backs of his eyes when he looked into pain filled hazel depths. Tears welled up and spilled over, tracking down the angular face of the shorter brunet.

Seto reached up to brush them away and Tristan flinched, his eyes going wide with fear for a split second.

"Tristan, hush." Seto soothed, gentle fingers wiping away the crystalline trails. "I'm not going to hit you."

"I know." Tristan's voice was choked. "I'm sorry."

"No, love. Don't apologize." Seto draped his arms loosely around the other's waist. "Why did you do that? I could tell it scared you."

Tristan leaned his forehead against Seto's shoulder with a sigh. "I needed to prove to myself I could. That I could still…give you pleasure…that he didn't take that away from me. And…" He paused, struggling internally and his voice dropped to an almost inaudible whisper. "I didn't want you to think I was weak."

"I don't think you're weak." Seto tightened his grip. "You're the strongest person I know. You've come a long way with this, love. I should know. But you haven't talked about it to anyone. I just wish you wouldn't keep trying to deal with it all by yourself."

"I have to."

"No, Tristan, you don't. I'm here. I want to help, and so do your friends."

Tristan just shook his head and Seto held back a frustrated sigh. [He's so damn stubborn.]

Tristan pulled Seto down onto the bed and moved back into his arms. "Can you just…hold me for a little while…please?"

"For as long as you need me to." Seto wrapped his arms around Tristan.

/I know he thinks I'm afraid. I was…at first. But…gods! Why can't I feel anything? It always turned me on like nothing else, loving him like that. I didn't feel anything at all!/

"What's wrong, love?" Seto asked, feeling Tristan shaking again.

"I can't…oh, gods…please Seto, make love to me. I want you to take me…please!"

"Tristan…"

"I need you to! Please!" Tristan voice was desperate and his eyes held a wild look that shocked and scared Seto.

"Stop." Seto grabbed Tristan's wrists as he began to run his hands frantically over the taller brunet's body. "Stop it, Tristan. What's wrong? Talk to me."

"Please, Seto! Please, just take me!" Tristan was starting to panic. "It'll be okay once you do, I know it will!"

"Tristan, calm down. You're not making any sense."

"I can't…I can't…Oh, gods!" Tristan buried his face in Seto's chest. "I can't feel anything."

"Feel anything? You mean…you can't…oh, Tristan..." Seto put his arms around the other again, holding him tightly. "It's okay. It'll be okay. It's just too soon."

"No…no, that's not it." Tristan looked up, his eyes pleading for understanding. "I want you, I do. It's not too soon. It's just that…my body can't…doesn't FEEL anything."

Seto leaned in and kissed him softly. "Listen to me, love. I don't want you to rush this. Please, I want you to take your time. We don't have to do anything. Just let me hold you. That's all I want."

Tristan looked a little skeptical at his words.

"I mean it. What ever the reason is that you can't respond to me, we'll figure it out. But for now, this is more than enough." Seto voice dropped to a whisper. "After that night…I thought you'd never let me touch you again. If this is all you can give me now, or ever, I'm grateful for it."

Tristan pressed himself against Seto, laying his head on his chest. "I love you, Seto."

"I love you, too." Seto rested his chin on the top of Tristan's head. "Sleep now, love. Just sleep. I'm here and I'm not going to let you go."

Tristan lay quietly, pretending to sleep, listening to the taller one's breathing even out as he drifted off.

/This is wrong. How can he say that? It may be alright now, but what if…what if I can't make love with him anymore? Damn you, Brad! How long is what you did going to haunt me? How long is Seto going to want me if I can't please him? He may love me now, but for how long?/

Tristan clung to Seto, crying silently.

~*~*~*~*~

He was dreaming. And damn, if it wasn't good! Almost as good as the real thing.

It felt so real as Tristan slid down his body, covering him with small, gentle kisses. His whole body was throbbing with need. He gasped as he felt his arousal enclosed in Tristan's tight heat.

He reached up, his hands enclosing Tristan's arms as his lover began to move on him.

[Gods! It's so real! Tristan…baby…I love you.]

A harsh sob shattered the stillness, waking Seto from his dream.

Only it wasn't a dream.

"Tristan!" Seto's eyes snapped open. "No!"

Tristan pinned Seto's hands on either side of his head, effectively immobilizing him, and looked down at him with tear filled eyes.

"Baby, don't do this to yourself…please!" Seto begged. "Don't. This isn't going to help."

"Seto…I have to."

"No," Seto moaned, trying not to thrust up into the incredible warmth of the other. "You don't have to. Stop, Tristan. If this isn't good for you, it's wrong!"

Tristan sobbed, thrusting against Seto harder. "Please, Seto. Come for me. Give me that at least."

He tried to protest again, but instinct began to take over and he found himself moving with Tristan despite himself. It wasn't right, them doing this when Tristan wasn't enjoying it, when he wasn't feeling the same things Seto was feeling.

Seto felt his release approaching and tried to fight it off. "No…Tristan, please, don't! I can't…I can't…baby…I'm sorry!"

Tristan stilled as he felt Seto's warm seed flood him. He let go of the other's wrists and watched the rapid rise and fall of his chest for a moment before moving to lay by his side.

/It didn't work. I was so sure once he took me I'd feel it again. It didn't work./

"Tristan…why?" Seto took him in his arms. "Why, love? What did that accomplish? It wasn't good for you."

Tristan shook his head. "I thought it would help."

"When both people don't feel the same thing it's just sex, Tristan. That's not what I want for us."

Tristan looked up, and even in the dim light, Seto could see his eyes were filled with self loathing. "He was right. I am a whore."

"No. You're not." Seto reached out to touch Tristan's face and he jerked away. "It's alright, love."

Tristan mumbled an apology and buried his face in Seto's neck.

"You're not a whore, Tristan. I don't want you thinking you are. It doesn't matter what he said. Just the fact that he said it is enough to make it a lie."

He felt wetness against his neck as Tristan began to cry. Not knowing what else to do, Seto held his broken lover, trying to ignore the pain gnawing at his heart as he listened to his grief.

~*~*~*~*~

DD: *huggles Tris* Poor baby.

YD: Okay. We have a little contest for our readers.

DD: Yeah. Whoever can guess what's been different about the way Tris is talking gets a Tristan plushie to cuddle!

Tristan: Huh? The way I've been talking?

Seto: That doesn't make any sense. You should give them a hint.

YD: Fine…it has to do with what he's NOT saying to Seto.

DD: Leave your answers in your reviews and we'll hand out the plushies next chapter.